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hypocrisy

Ask Roger

Help! My Church is Full of Hypocrites!

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,
I’m really struggling with my church. So many people seem to be hypocritical—they just don’t live out what they say on Sunday during the rest of the week. What should I do?
Sincerely, Kyle

 

Dear Kyle,

 

First, we must clearly define hypocrisy. The word “hypocrisy” comes from the Greek masks of comedy and tragedy. The actor reads the comedy lines and then changes to a mask of tragedy and reads those lines. He was not called an actor. He was called a “Hypocritos,” which means “One who hides behind a mask.”

Everyone wears masks. One mask Julie and I sometimes put on is the one we call “Church Face.” We were in San Diego on a family vacation with our children and Julie’s mom and dad. Grandparents and grandchildren don’t mix well at Sea World. We stepped behind the bushes to have a rather heated discussion as to what to do next. Suddenly, a couple from our church walked up. Instantly, the fighting stopped, and we all put on “Church Face!” After they left, we all marveled at how quickly we transitioned from fighting family to loving Christians. We were well practiced at using the “Church Face” mask. Fortunately, as we have matured in Christ, that mask is lost somewhere in the back of the closet. We seldom feel the need to utilize it.

We all want to put our best foot forward. No one wants to display character traits that are not the best! The problem occurs when we are attempting to lead double lives! There is a difference between hypocrisy and occasionally putting on the proper masks in social settings. Hypocrisy occurs when we claim to be someone we are not, and we wear a fake mask most all of the time. Hypocritical living promotes all sorts of dysfunctional behavior—and can lead to dysfunctional behavior in our spiritual lives as well.

 

As teenagers, we wear four or five masks depending on the social group we’re associating with at any moment. We have different masks for peers, parents, teachers, acquaintances, and close friends. How we represent ourselves to one group will be different than how we represent ourselves to another. We are subconsciously in the process of deciding who we will be as we transition into adulthood. Eventually, we decide and then discard all the other masks. Unfortunately, many people keep several masks and never figure out who they really are.

Hopefully, early on in our Christian faith, we decide that we will live what we believe. In other words, “I am a Christian, and who you see is who I really am.” But few of us throw away the other masks all at once. As we grow to spiritual maturity, more and more masks are discarded until only one is left. When people think of us, we remind them of the Lord Jesus. Paul revealed that as we mature, we even throw away the last mask: “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18).

 

People are watching, especially non-Christians. Don’t let them down.

Hypocrisy Is the First Recorded Sin in the Christian Church

The church of Jesus Christ began so beautifully. The Acts 4:32-37 church was filled with generosity, unselfishness, and love. The early first-century Christians were known as the people who loved God and loved each other.

Unfortunately, we don’t get past Acts chapter 5 before we see that the church is ripped apart by Satan’s schemes. Acts 5 is the first description of sin in the New Testament church.

The devastation began when Ananias and Sapphira sold a piece of property for $2000 and kept back $500 for themselves. There was nothing wrong with their gift, but they lied to Peter and told him they were giving the full amount to the church. They had no intention of doing so. God put both husband and wife to death instantaneously.

Today, God still takes hypocrisy very seriously, especially in the shepherds who lead and teach his flock!

When I was in seminary, I worked for a highly successful pastor who was caught in bed with another man’s wife. Her husband had suspicions, so one day, he came home early from work. There they were. The pastor’s car was hidden in the garage.

 

We all were shocked when his sin was exposed. His duplicity spilled over into shock, anger, shame, embarrassment, and rejection to all who knew him. The church family was decimated, especially when it came out that he’d been involved in sexual promiscuity since his days in college. He loved beautiful blonde women. Such a tragedy! His own wife was stunning and loved him with all her heart.

Several months later, he was walking in downtown Dallas when he had a brain aneurysm. This popular pastor died in the hospital several hours later.

 

No Church Is Perfect!

The church is a hospital for sin-sick souls. We are all fallen, sinful creatures. Only God can unmask us.

People often say, “Well, I want to go back to the First Century Church. That was the true church.

I say, “Which first-century church do you want to attend?”

The Roman church? Paul wrote about them in Romans 16:17: “I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who are causing church division among you” (NIV).

The Corinthian Church? Paul said to them, “I can’t speak to you as spiritual, but as carnal, because you’re fighting each other all the time” (1 Corinthians 3:1-3 NIV).

The Galatian Church? Paul chided them, “Oh foolish Galatians, who tricked you? You began in the spirit, and now you’re finishing in the flesh” (Galatians 3:1 NIV).

The Ephesian Church? Their love for Jesus was faltering (See Revelation 2:4 NIV).

The Philippian Church? Two women, Euodia and Syntyche, were spoiling the church unity by their fighting (See Philippians 4:2 NIV).

The Colossian Church? Paul repeated a whole list of good things that they had in Christ, and then said, “But not all is well. There’s sin in your church!” (See Colossians 3:7-9 NIV).

The Best Way to Heal Hypocrisy in the Church Is to Examine Your Own Heart

Ask yourself these questions:

Have you ever led people to believe that you are better at some things than you really are?

Have you ever put people “down” so that you feel better about yourself while they feel less about themselves?

Have you ever said, “I love you” to someone when you really don’t?

Have you ever told someone that you like them when you really despise or hate them?

Do you ever brag about yourself in a way that causes people to think more highly of you than they really should?

Have you ever given the impression that you had your life “together” and they don’t?

Do you ever intentionally put others down so that you can look better than they look?

 

Have you ever criticized others’ failures when your problems are similar?

Have you ever told people the things about yourself that you want others to know instead of what is true?

Have you ever lied about things that happened to cover up what you did?

Have you ever lied to gain the acceptance of others?

Have you ever given money to gain the praise of men?

Have you ever tried to impress others with your spirituality?

Have you ever pretended to be excited about service for the Lord when you are merely doing it out of obligation?

Have you ever pretended to be spiritual when you know that you are not?

Do you ever pretend to have pure, moral thoughts while all the time yielding to lustful thoughts and fantasies?

Do you ever pretend to be close to God while not desiring or enjoying a relationship with him?

Do you ever pray to impress others with your spirituality?

Have you ever committed a sin and continued living as if nothing had happened?

List adapted from “Freedom In Christ Ministries” Dr. Neil Anderson, founder.

How Can I Be Free from the Sin of Hypocrisy?

We all struggle with hypocrisy at times—but when we seek to live according to God’s will, He will give us the ability to change! Start here:

  • Consciously choose to take off your mask.
  • Ask the Holy Spiritto identify areas of hypocrisy in your life so that you can live with integrity.
  • Repent and ask Jesus for forgiveness so that you may have a fresh beginning.
  • Allow the Holy Spirit to convict you of the sin of hypocrisy.
  • Listen to the people who listen to God. In other words, invite some of the wise and godly people who know you to point out areas of hypocrisy you might’ve missed.

Well, I hope this helps. Let me know if you have more questions.

 

Love, Roger

 

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Devotionals

Being A Hypocrite

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

“The Pharisees went and plotted how to entangle [Jesus] in his words. And they sent their disciples to him, along with the Herodians, saying, ‘Teacher, we know that you are true and teach the way of God truthfully, and you do not care about anyone’s opinion, for you are not swayed by appearances. Tell us, then, what you think. Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not?’ But Jesus, aware of their malice, said, ‘Why put me to the test, you hypocrites? Show me the coin for the tax.’ And they brought him a denarius. And Jesus said to them, ‘Whose likeness and inscription is this?’ They said, ‘Caesar’s.’ Then he said to them, ‘Therefore render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s’” (Matthew 22:15-22).

 

In Matthew 22 the Pharisees and Herodians challenge Jesus by asking, “Is it lawful to give a poll-tax to Caesar, or not?” Part of Jesus’ response was to call them “hypocrites.” But why did he do this? What is it about this exchange that warranted the accusation of hypocrisy?

 

In most explanations of this text the focus is on the Pharisees as Jesus’ chief opponents. The Herodians tend to be forgotten. But, in reality, the charge of hypocrisy cannot hold against the Pharisees, in this instance, without the presence of the Herodians. Why? Because normally, the Pharisees and the Herodians were bitter rivals.

 

The Pharisees were anti-Rome. But the Herodians were pro-Rome. By questioning Jesus on Roman taxes they were attempting to pigeon hole Jesus as supporting one or the other. This is why they were hypocrites. But Jesus saw through them. He answered, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and to God the things that are God’s.”

 

In a single sentence Jesus destroyed the agenda of both the Pharisees and Herodians. He upheld the tax and upheld the primacy of God. He upheld Rome, but he also upheld the Kingdom of God. His answer was no less than brilliant, and it revealed who the Pharisees and Herodians were for all to see.

 

The charge of hypocrisy is one of the most serious in all of scripture. The apostle Paul also used it in Romans 2:1 when he said, “You therefore have no excuse, you who pass judgment on another. For on whatever grounds you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.”

 

Do you ever find this passage describing you?

 

Memory Verse

 

“Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s” (Mathew 22:22).

 

Application

 

Hypocrisy is damaging to our witness for Christ. People watching us want to know if we are the real deal. Do we truly follow Jesus? What are some areas of your life that need attention? How will you handle the charge of hypocrisy in your own life?

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Devotionals

Selfless Ambition

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

 

Who doesn’t like a man of ambition? You know the kind I mean. Determined. A person with lofty goals and dreams. A person who goes after what he wants no matter what. A take-charge kind of guy.

 

It’s one thing to have ambition. It’s another thing to have selfish ambition. This is the kind of ambition that only rewards itself. Where all of he effort and hard work go to increasing your wealth, benefits, ease of life, and personal adventure. Paul also calls this conceit. We do these things out of a desire to build ourselves up. How often have you met someone of great ambition who desired to exercise that ambition only on behalf of others? With the exception of a few pastors I know, and a few parents, I can’t count such people on one hand.

 

Paul has an opposite description to challenge us with: humility, considering others as greater than we are. We might call this selfless ambition.

 

I take it back. There is one person I can think of who had what we might call selfless ambition. Paul wrote about him in Philippians 2:5-8. “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

 

Memory Verse

 

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

 

Application

 

Consider what you might do for someone else today. How can you do it without gaining any attention or recognition for yourself?

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Sermons

What’s Beneath the Surface of Your Life?

by Steven Furtick
written by Steven Furtick

God wants you to know which one is more important, the traditions of men, or the truth of God. And it’s about time for some of us to decide, are we going to spend this whole year living out of tradition, or living according to truth? I challenge you to flip it. It is so easy to live with an invisible belief system, that regulates your responses in situations, and even your ideas of what is possible in your life. An unquestioned belief system is a dangerous thing. The phrases are significant, because the Pharisees are talking about the traditions of the elders. And Jesus is talking about the command of God. One is tradition. One is truth. And a lot of times we don’t know the difference, because for some.

Preached at Elevation Church. Used by permission.

 

 

 

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Articles

Nine Keys to Forgive a Christian Who Disappoints You

by Erin Davis
written by Erin Davis

Maybe it’s your pastor.

Maybe it’s someone in your Bible study.

Maybe it’s a famous Christian in the news.

They’ve sinned. They’ve said they believe one thing and lived like they believed something else. Their life is messier than you could have imagined and you feel disappointed, angry, confused, disillusioned, sad.

How are we supposed to feel when other Christians miss God’s mark? How can we cope with the chaos other people’s sin creates? What should we say (if anything)?

Here are nine things to keep in mind when another Christian disappoints you.

1. All have sinned.

Romans 3:23 is a gut punch we all need from time to time. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

All have sinned, as in every single one of us.

The fact that every person on earth is a sinner in desperate need of a Savior never stops being a shock to our systems, but it is a constant reminder of how desperately we need grace.

2. Sin exposed is a good thing.

Ephesians 5:11–14 says, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, ‘Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’”

Although painful, it is a gift when sin is dragged into the light. Jesus is the light of the world (John 8:12). He calls us to live like bright cities on a hill (Matt. 5:14). We have no business keeping parts of our life in the dark. When God exposes dark parts of a person’s life or heart, it is an act of mercy and an opportunity for us to thank Him for His extravagant grace.

3. The cross was built for heavy loads.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed (1 Peter 2:24).

From time to time we need a reminder of what makes us Christians. It isn’t that we have perfect lives. It isn’t that we listen to the right Christian music or say “no” to certain books or movies. We are Christians because we have put our faith in Jesus and His redemptive work on the cross. The violence of the cross is necessary because of our sin. Jesus did not have to hang on the cross any longer for your disgraced pastor than He did for you. The cross is big enough to carry any sin, “big” or “small.” There’s no sin we can throw at it that the cross is not big enough to handle.

4. Speak the truth (in love).

So that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ (Eph. 4:14–15).

God’s intention is not that we live our lives in a constant tug of war. We are to protect and guide each other by speaking the truth in love.

I once heard someone say, “Whatever ‘speak the truth in love’ means, it means to speak the truth.” What is the truth, exactly?

John 17:17 says, “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.”

We need to remind each other what God’s Word says—often. That’s not the same as blasting someone on your Facebook wall or on Twitter. Which brings me to #5.

5. Gossip about sinners is a sin.

Romans 1:29 lists gossips among murderers, slanderers, and haters of God. Ephesians 4:29 says unless it builds others up, don’t say it.

Titus 3:2 urges us “to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.”

Talking to others about someone else’s sin does nothing to restore their relationship with God or others.

6. Watch out for “plank eye syndrome.”

Matthew 7:3–5 says, “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

Responding to other people’s sin with disgust or feelings of self-righteousness is like worrying about a little sawdust in a friend’s eye while a two-by-four sticks out of our own. Our sin has a way of blinding us to the ways we are missing the mark and making us hypersensitive to how others fall short.

While the Bible does teach us to lovingly remind other Christians about how God calls us to live, that’s not our first mission. We must be most concerned with the sin in our own lives.

When you see the impact of sin in the life of someone else, take the opportunity to assess your own life. Repeat the prayer of King David, and ask the Lord to root out all sin in your heart.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! (Ps. 139:23–24).

7. Forgive, for real.

In the wake of the horrific Charleston shooting several years ago, USA Today published an article that said this:

When Christians are in the news, it’s usually because they have done something wrong—they’ve gotten on the wrong side of a culture war or cheated on their wife, or worse. What the world rarely gets to see is the powerful grace that flows from a deep faith predicated on the belief that we are all sinners in need of forgiveness.

The article went on to tell the story of a man whose wife and daughter were brutally killed. When asked what he would say to the killer if given the chance, he said, “I would say, ‘I forgive you.’ If he kissed me on the cheek, I would kiss him back.”

These are graphic pictures of forgiveness. Forgiveness often feels so gut-wrenching that we want to run in the opposite direction. But the Bible reminds us that we can extend forgiveness because we have been forgiven of so much.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Eph. 4:32).

8. The world is watching.

The article quoted above is proof that the world is watching. Yes, they watch when we fall short, but they also watch when we respond to sin like God has called us to.

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth” (Acts 1:8).

We are the billboard God wants to use to tell the world about Him. What story are you telling with your response to sin in your own life and in the lives of others?

9. Prayer is a weapon that works.

When someone sins, we want to do something. God has given us a two-pronged plan of attack.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working (James 5:16).

First, go to war with sin in your own life.

Second, pray for others.

If someone in your world is caught in sin, pray like crazy for them. It really is that simple.

The Silver Lining

As Christians, we will continue to disappoint each other. We will sin in public and in private. We will mess up our lives and hurt each other. We will all fall short of the standard of holiness God has set for us. That’s the cloud, but there is a silver lining.

Jesus died for sinners.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Rom. 5:8).

All sin reminds us of our great need and His great sacrifice. How can you respond to others in light of this earthshaking truth?

A version of this post originally appeared at the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission. Used by permission of the author.

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Articles

Make Your Money Last: God’s Principles for Frugal Living

by Julie Barrier
written by Julie Barrier

Bankruptcy. Unemployment. Health insurance. Rising prices….Are you scared spitless about your economic future? Do you hide your credit card bills under the bed? Are you clueless about how to control family finances?

 

I never have cash. I always use plastic. If I didn’t have my magic black plastic MasterCard, God forbid, I would be stalled on the side of the road gas-less, grocery-less and naked. We do pay our bills as a family and our credit rating is stellar. But the honest truth is that I would be much more frugal if I were handing the cashier dollars and cents instead of my infinite supply of imaginary moolah.

 

God has basic financial principles He wants us to follow. I’d like to share some basics from my pastor-husband. I also want to share a life-changing article excerpt called “Seven Frugal Habits Everyone Should Develop.”

 

First, let me share a quick story about two of my favorite people: my parents. Mom and Dad did it right. My mother, the daughter of a poor East Texas dirt farmer, learned to play with corn husk dolls and fabric scraps. My skinny daddy slaved away in his father’s gas station to scrape together enough dough for an itty-bitty engagement ring for his sweetheart.  Ralph and Wanda, (their given names) survived on pinto beans and peanut butter. And along came me. Daddy boldly launched a little construction company. His hole-in-the-wall office was a block from our house. Mom was his bookkeeper. They slaved long hours, prayed hard, tithed and saved. After thirty years of penny-pinching, tithing, and helping the poor (not to mention their grateful family), Mom and Dad are quite wealthy. Early on in life, my parents learned to honor God with their money.

 

God has a sure-fire financial plan for you. I am going to start with the article I mentioned: “Seven Habits of Frugal People.” Here are some key points.

 

Be proactive and take the first step. Instead, take a long hard look at your finances — your budget, debts, income, and expenses, and try to understand where your money is going and where you can budget better.

Tell people so that you crystallize your goal, and won’t have to apologize for a more expensive lifestyle.

Listen. Listen to yourself and to the reasons you give each time you make a purchase outside of your budget or decide not to put spare money into your savings account.   

Define your financial goals and make a budget. Just say “no.” Don’t cave to the pressure of your family, or other influencers in your life. Wear the same suit. Eat at home. Understand the difference between possessions and net worth. When the value of your assets is greater than the amount you owe on mortgages, car loans, and credit card debts, then you have a strong net worth and are truly wealthy. 

Communicate with the people in your life about financial choices. You are not the only person affected by your decision to live a more frugal lifestyle. Understand the goals and needs of others. What about your spouse and your kids? Find out what they perceive as essential and prioritize.  You can find a way to be more frugal without them having to give up all of the things that are most important to them.

Synergize. Synergy is creative cooperation — working as a team to find new solutions to existing problems. Look for new ways to be frugal and learn from the frugal people that you know. Be creative.

Take care of yourself. Taking the time to renew yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally will give you strength to maintain the previous six habits, which are essential for your success. Develop a support system. Exercise, eat right, constantly read and develop your skills. And, shocker, even this secular article recommends that you pray about your finances.

Don’t miss this article: There are a number of links and great resources that you can use.

Now let’s address God’s biblical economic plan. My husband Roger has preached on this topic so often I can recite it by heart. If you really memorize these Scriptures, you will see yourself as a steward, not an owner of God’s gifts.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 NIV

Borrowing to supply living expenses and depreciating items says, in effect, “God, you haven’t given me enough money to meet my needs and therefore, I am going to borrow to make up for your lack.” Borrowing money is a human attempt to satisfy a dissatisfied heart – a heart that will never find satisfaction in the things that borrowed money can buy.

 

“The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” Proverbs 22:7 NIV

 

Over the next five years a $20,000 car will cost you $25,000 and I submit to you that by borrowing money to purchase that car you have just lowered your standard of living by $5000. That, of course, is exactly what our government is doing right now. By borrowing money they are lowering the standard of living of every citizen in this country.

 

By borrowing money we allow the lender to dictate to us a lower standard of living – and I submit to you that that is a form of slavery. The lender has gotten some of your money and therefore, he has gotten some of God’s money. God won’t bless that.

 

“Be content with such things as you have.” Hebrews 13:5 NIV

 

By paying cash for everything we purchase we give God the chance to divinely guide us. He will give us the money if He wants us to have it. He won’t if He doesn’t. God owns all the assets in the universe and if He wants us to have something, He will give you the money if His own good time and in His own perfect will. If God hasn’t given you the money there is a good reason. Borrowing money may “short circuit” God’s plan to bless us for free!

 

“Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” 1 Timothy 6:18 NIV

 

God rewards generosity. Tithe. (Proverbs 3:9-10) Give your Creator the first portion of our income. Budget. Know what you have and spend accordingly. (Proverbs 27:23) Stay out of debt. (Proverbs 22:7) Save for the future. Provide for your family. (1 Timothy 5:8) Give generously to God’s work and to the poor. (Acts 4:32-35)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Articles

Bible Bad Girl Grannies to Inspire You!

by Julie Barrier
written by Julie Barrier

Jesus’ great, great, great, great grannies were all REALLY bad girls (except for Mary, of course). Matthew mentions five women in the royal line of the Messiah: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba and Mary. Why would the reformed tax collector include these loose ladies? Genealogies in Matthew’s day were boy’s clubs-men only were mentioned. Remarkably, the gospel writer thought these women of ill repute should be named-and honored as forerunners of the Messiah.

 

You can teach your daughters to be women of faith, even if they have “bad girl” tendencies. (They start young, you know!)

 

Tamar was accused of prostitution, and Rahab was a prostitute. Ruth and Rahab were both foreigners, a Moabitess and a Caananitess. Bathsheba, the famous home wrecker who turned the man after God’s own heart into a murderer, is also an honored ancestor. Even Mary, the virtuous mother of Jesus, lived with the slanderous stigma that she had become pregnant before marriage. Sounds like a steamy episode of Days of Our Lives, right? Why would these flawed floozies earn a coveted place in the Royal dynasty? God’s grace and favour is poured over these precious lives like holy anointing oil.

 

Let’s find out why Matthew mentioned them, and what we can learn about God’s redeeming love for us.

 

TAMAR, THE TEMPTRESS

 

Tamar, the first “bad girl,” posed as a prostitute to seduce her father-in-law. Tamar’s titillating tale is told in Genesis 38. She was one unlucky bride. Judah’s son Er kicked the bucket and younger brother Onan was forced to take Tamar, his widow, as his wife. He shirked his duty by “spilling his seed” so that Hagar’s kid wouldn’t inherit his estate. God offed Onan for being a jerk. Poor Hagar. Judah had only one son left, and he was a kid. Judah hemmed and hawed about giving away his youngest son, and Tamar panicked.

 

David Instone Brewerwoman said it best:

 

“After many years, it was obvious that Judah wouldn’t fulfill his promise, and Tamar’s biological clock, as we call it, was ticking away. In those days, if you didn’t have a husband or a son, you were helpless. In fact, the definition of a “widow” wasn’t ‘husbandless’ but ‘manless.’ You weren’t considered a real widow if you had a son to look after you. Tamar decided some drastic action was needed, so she dressed as a prostitute, fluttered her eyelashes at Judah over the top of her face veil, and she reeled in the line and extracted the pledge instead of payment. Prostitution wasn’t illegal for men, but it was for a decent family girl. So when she was pregnant, they planned to burn the unfaithful slut until she produced Judah’s staff and ring, and Judah crumpled in guilt.”

 

Judah married a Canaanite woman. His boys were only half-Israeli. Tamar was a Jewess. By God’s providence, this spunky lady actually preserved the pure family line. Tamar teaches that our greatest adversities can turn into God’s greatest blessings.

 

Have you taught your child to face adversity with faith? Has she learned that God sees her and will stand beside her?

 

 

RAHAB, THE SEDUCTRESS

 

Rahab, Salmon’s wife, was a seedy prostitute Gentile living in Jericho. Rahab’s narrative is found in Joshua 2 and 6. This lady who was shunned by her neighbors had a generous and brave heart. She welcomed and hid the Jewish spies who came to Jericho, protecting them from the king of Jericho when he hunted them down to assassinate them. Her confession of faith is found in Joshua 2:11, “the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below.” Rahab, still called “prostitute” in Hebrews 11:31, was heralded as a heroine in Hebrew’s Hall of Faith! If you think about it, her single act of bravery caused the Jews to conquer Jericho, the geological “gate” into the Promised Land!

An anonymous ancient Christian writer commented: “Since Salmon was considered noble among the children of Israel and was of the tribe of Judah and the son of the prince, he saw the faithful Rahab thus converted to goodness and beloved by God, counted among the daughters of Israel. Such a wonderful woman surely deserved to become Salmon’s wife.”  This grandmother of Jesus shows us that God’s power transformed her pagan, sinful life into a female favored for her faith, and transformed by God’s power.

 

Have you taught your daughter to step out on faith even if there are risks involved? Has she learned to take a stand for Christ even when it’s unpopular?  

 

RUTH, THE PAGAN WIDOW

 

Ruth, a penniless widow and a Moabitess, became the daughter-in-law of Rahab. But Ruth came from the wrong side of the tracks. The gods of Moab, according to the Bible, were detestable. Chemosh demanded human sacrifice and sexual orgies. Ruth could easily have ended up spending her life as a temple prostitute. But even after the devastating loss of her husband and brother-in-law, the destitute widow reached out to her Jewish mother-in-law. She abandoned all that she knew to follow and old lady to a strange country and an even stranger religion. Ruth’s remarkable story of faith and loyalty was amazing. She is one of the few women in the Bible who have a whole book named after her. Her vow to Naomi, the mother of her dead husband, has become a classic quote, often used in weddings to indicate the bride’s and/or groom’s intentions of loyalty. “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16).

Ruth’s loyalty was rewarded and she became the wife of Boaz, who belonged to the family of her mother-in-law. In the tradition of Rahab, Ruth became a part of the lineage of Jesus because of her pilgrimage to faith.

 

Have you taught your daughter to be loyal, committed? Has she learned to listen to your advice, as Ruth listened to Naomi?

 

BATHSHEBA, THE BATHING BEAUTY
Fourth on the list is Bathsheba (Matt1:6), found in 2 Samuel 11. Although she is presented as “Uriah’s wife,” her story is far from unknown. Her story is one of betrayal, adultery and murder. While married, she committed adultery with King David and got pregnant. As a result, David had her husband knocked off, and God punished them. The family of David never recovered. Nathan proclaimed that the sword would never leave his house because of his infidelity and murder. In Bathsheba’s defense, a person subordinate to the King (even as a queen) she could not have refused a direct summons by the King. Failure to comply may have resulted in imprisonment or banishment. It is unlikely that David would have done this, but it would have been within his rights as monarch.

 

Perhaps Bathsheba took the easy way out. Why did she leave the bathroom blinds open in the first place? So many questions…Could she have told Uriah? History is unclear. But God killed the baby of their unlawful union. God in His amazing kindness gave David and Bathsheba a son, the wise King Solomon. At David’s death, Bathsheba stepped in and assured her son’s succession over Adonijah.

 

Has your daughter learned the power of forgiveness? Has she learned that her faith is built on grace? Does she know how to impart grace to others, to believe the best in people?

 

I believe God loves bad girls. That’s why Matthew honors them. When Matthew came to write his genealogies, he added a few women-women who were respected for what they had done, but tainted as well. They were tainted by their birth outside of Israel, by their former behaviours or professions.

 

But a single step toward God, a brave faith-opportunity seized forever, changed the course of their lives.

 

God doesn’t care where we came from, or about our past mistakes. He offers forgiveness and hope. He doesn’t care what we were, but who we become and what He makes us.

 

http://www.instonebrewer.com/visualsermons/TAMAR/_Sermon.htm#sthash.kICz0EbE.dpuf

 

 

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Articles

3 Reasons for Rejecting Jesus

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

Rick told me that he no longer believed in Jesus or the Bible. After many years of church involvement and even ministry involvement, my friend turned away from Christianity and instead decided to embrace Buddhism. His chief reason for rejecting Jesus was the hypocrisy of Jesus’ people.

Such a decision always cuts us to the core. When we hear that our bad behavior has lead someone away from Jesus, it stings. We want the church to do better. We want to do better. However, I’m not convinced that the bad behavior of some Christians is really the reason why such people give up Jesus.

As with many things in the Christian life, coming to know Jesus, or rejecting him, is a matter of spiritual warfare. It was Satan, who in the Garden of Eden, challenged Eve to reject Jesus by lying about what God actually meant when he told Adam and Eve they would die if they ate the forbidden fruit. And it was Satan who tempted Jesus in the wilderness to reject his Father’s plan for him, though he was unsuccessful at doing so. In fact, I think it is from Satan’s temptations that we see the three most important reasons why people reject Jesus. These reasons have to do with three areas of Jesus’ personhood that, if we reject, we end up rejecting Jesus. These three areas are:

  • Jesus’ humanity
  • Jesus’ divinity, and
  • Jesus’ authority

What do these three things have to do with a person rejecting Jesus? Let me spell it out for you simply, because, it really is rather simple.

Rejecting Jesus’ Humanity

In the age we live in most people don’t reject Jesus’ humanity. But in the first century, it was popular to deny that Jesus was fully human. The apostles, however, made it clear that rejecting Jesus’ humanity was to reject Jesus himself. “[Whoever] confesses not that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist” (II John 1:7).

How did Satan attack Jesus’ humanity? When presenting his first temptation, Satan urged Jesus in his hunger to, “Command these stones to become loaves of bread” (Matthew 4:3). Satan played on Jesus’ human nature and need to eat. By demanding him to exercise his power he was essentially demanding Jesus to reject the experience of his full humanity.

Today, we find other ways of rejecting Jesus’ humanity. When we think of Jesus only as the Son of God or as enthroned above, but don’t regard the common experiences that he shares with us, we put aside his humanity. This is a greater temptation for Christians that we sometimes realize. We want the all-powerful Jesus to act on our behalf. We want the Jesus-genie in the bottle. But it is Jesus’ humanity which ties him to us so intimately. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Jesus faced the issues of humanity as a full human being.

Jesus’ Divinity

Rejecting Jesus’ claims to deity is more common today. In the day in which Jesus lived it was a common belief, especially among the Roman and Greek cultures, to believe in men who were part god. This is why Pilate was afraid to condemn Jesus, because he heard Jesus’ claim to be the Son of God. In Pilate’s culture, if he were to condemn a demigod he would be spelling his own doom (John 19:8).

But in the modern day we reject Jesus’ divinity because we have a secular, atheist mindset. Our society views divine things as outdated myths, thus, Jesus can’t be divine. Yet, without Jesus’ divinity we do not have a Savior. Satan attacked Jesus’ divinity when he twice challenged him with the words, “If you are the Son of God” (Matthew 4:3,6).

To deny Jesus’ divinity is to rob him of the power to save. Without Jesus’ divinity, there is no salvation.

Jesus’ Authority

The challenge to Jesus’ authority is directly related to both his humanity and his divinity. Satan challenged Jesus’ authority when he showed Jesus all the kingdoms of the world and said, “All this I will give you if you will bow down and worship me” (Matthew 4:9).

Whenever we sin, we reject Jesus’ authority and we bow to the devil’s authority to live by his principles and ways. But a Jesus without authority is a Jesus we can’t worship at all.

Consider also that Jesus’ humanity is important because it is tied to his earthly authority and not just his spiritual authority. This is because the covenant promises of God were given with a man in mind. Only a man could receive that authority. Consider, the promise went to an offspring of Eve in Genesis 3:15. The promise of the land went to a descendent of Abraham (Genesis 15:4-5, Galatians 3:16). An everlasting kingdom was promised to a descendent of David (II Samuel 7:11-14). The promise of a global kingdom was promised to a man in Isaiah and Daniel. When we reject Jesus’ authority, whether human or divine, we reject Jesus himself.

But What About Hypocrisy?

Blaming hypocrisy is a trap because no one really rejects Jesus over hypocrisy. No one claims that Jesus was a hypocrite. People tend to recognize Jesus was at least a good teacher and good man (but that rejects his divinity). When someone claims to reject Jesus for how his people sometimes act that, in effect, is a rejection of Jesus’ authority. Jesus established the church. The church operates by the power of the Holy Spirit under Jesus’ authority. When we carry the message about Jesus to others, even when we make mistakes, the one who rejects isn’t really rejecting us, he is rejecting Jesus. Jesus said as much, “The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me” (Luke 10:16).

Everyone knows that human beings sin and make mistakes. Thus, claims of hypocrisy are a straw man. Deep inside, the person who uses such an excuse is really using nothing more than an excuse to deny Jesus’ authority over his life—authority Jesus has from his deity and his humanity.

Whatever your temptations or struggles, to reject Jesus in any of these areas is to put him aside that we might exercise our own authority, in our sinful humanity, and take on the role of personal god to ourselves. This is why people reject Jesus. The one who rejects Jesus for reasons of hypocrisy is the true hypocrite.

guywithabible.com Used by permission.

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Ask Roger

Refugees, Racism and the Good Samaritan

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

Refugees and racism have been, and will continue to be, hot issues. It’s estimated that over 30% of the people in the Roman Empire in the first century were slaves. Slavery and persecution will never go away.  These awful things perpetuate pain around the world.

As a Christian, I’m thinking about what we can do to help make things better.

I wonder if you might share which Bible teaching, from your perspective, most succinctly instructs us on how to proceed?

Thank you, Caitlin

 

Dear Caitlin,

 

May I please make my answer personal?

 

I consider the Great Commandment to be the most significant and clear-cut Biblical teaching on refugees, racism and slavery.

 

“ . . . One of the Pharisees, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments’” (Matthew 22:34-40).

 

In like manner, I consider the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) to be the best Biblical illustration of how to make the Great Commandment practical.

 

You know the story. I need not reiterate it. However, I’ll share a short overview including a little commentary along the way.

 

Then, at the conclusion, I intend to share an emotional story that will bring a solid answer to the question, “Who is my neighbor?”

 

Jesus takes this great theological controversy and puts it down on a Judean road. He simplifies by telling the story of an injured man–cut and bleeding to death.

 

A certain priest comes along and sees the dying man; but passes by on the other side of the road.

We can only speculate as to why he failed to render aid. Maybe he was late for church. Whatever! He had other things to do.

 

The Priest didn’t see an individual. To him the victim was just another beaten man on the dangerous downhill road that led thirty miles from Jerusalem to Jericho.

 

Next, a Levite passes by. Levites were the worship leaders of ancient Israel. Perhaps, it was his turn to sing the solo at synagogue that night. Whatever! We may never know why he failed to help, but we do know that he failed.

 

Thank God a Samaritan came next.

 

Sadly, Jesus listeners wanted anyone else to stop, instead of a Samaritan. Samaritans were despised and rejected by the Jews because they were “half-breeds” (I use the term guardedly).

 

Nebuchadnezzar sacked Israel and exiled the strong and healthy to Babylon. He left the sick and weakly behind. Over the next several generations those left behind intermarried with people in the surrounding nations and the Samaritans were born– half Jew and half Babylonian.

 

We like to think that we all could get along without prejudice; unfortunately, that does not seem to be the case. We must do all we can to alleviate the pain that we exasperate on people who are “not like us.”

 

My Mother and I took a bus trip to downtown Dallas when I was six. Before we boarded the bus, Mom carefully explained why the “colored people” would be sitting in the back of the bus. What a terrible injustice! I was so young I didn’t realize the extent of vicious, cruel racism in the South where i grew up. Deplorable! Rosa Parks sat down in the front of the bus two years earlier.

We’ve come a long way since the 1950’s, but still have a VERY long way to go.

 

The Pharisees listening to the story were scandalized! The idea that a Samaritan could show more love and concern than a Jew didn’t compute!

 

The Pharisees wanted anyone to stop but a “half-breed” Samaritan. Take a moment to reflect on the penetrating power of a story from the lips of Jesus. He pushes in the dagger and twists it sharply.

 

The Samaritan pulls back the covers and sees a human being. He dismounts his donkey, stops the bleeding, binds up wounds, takes him to an innkeeper, and arranges financing to pay for his medical care, food and lodging while he recovered.

 

There’s the story, now let’s apply it.

 

THIS PARABLE IS A MIRROR OF OUR WORLD TODAY.

 

Ours is a world of murders, violence, racial tension, drug dealing, and war. We live in a divided world. There are good people and bad people and the bad people seem to be the majority.

 

WE ARE ALL FOUND SOMEWHERE IN THIS PARABLE.

 

Maybe you’re the VICTIM.

 

Perhaps you say, “I don’t know why I was born the way I was born? I don’t know why people treat me the way they do. Life is so hard. I just can’t get ahead.”

 

I’m lying on the side of the road. I feel whipped and beaten, stripped, robbed, dead and I can’t help myself.

 

Maybe you’re the ROBBER.

 

The robber saw a victim to exploit.

 

Why is Hollywood turning out so many lurid and violent movies? Why are video games filled with murder, killing, anger and mayhem? Because their creators love us? No! Because they love our money.

Why is there Wall Street insider trading? Why do special interest groups rule Congress?

Because our nation is filled with robbers.

 

Maybe you’re the PRIEST OR LEVITE.

 

To them, the bleeding victim was a nuisance to avoid.

 

Christianity Today Magazine once wrote an account of a radio station near Princeton Seminary that decided to invite forty-six Seminary students to come to their studio and record a five minute speech on the Good Samaritan.

 

They strategically placed an injured man on the sidewalk leading to the studio. Of the forty-six, forty-four seminarians either stepped over the injured man or crossed to the other side of the street to pass by.

 

There are two kinds of sins, sins of omission and sins of commission. Though we may not be guilty of beating the fellow, we may be guilty of neglecting the fellow.

 

Maybe you’re the LAWYER.

 

The lawyer didn’t see a victim to exploit, or a nuisance to avoid; to him, he was a problem to discuss.

 

The best way to do nothing is to talk about it.

 

The lawyer said, “Let’s talk about neighborliness.” Jesus said, “Let’s talk about one man.

 

Maybe you’re the INNKEEPER.

 

To the innkeeper, this man was a customer to serve.

The Samaritan comes in and says, “I have a wounded man here!”

“Fine, I’ve not seen a customer all day.”

 

Some people are glad to do anything if you pay them for it.

 

Maybe you’re the SAMARITAN.

 

When you pull back the covers, and instead of seeing a certain man, you see a human being, cut and bleeding to death, it’s hard to pass by.

 

There are so many ways we blind ourselves.

 

She’s Anglo, Arab, Black, Indian, Chinese, Hispanic, and Vietnamese.

He’s filthy, blue collar, a gang member, a meth addict, a dropout, a drainer.

As long as we keep putting people in categories, it’s easy to pass on by!

 

Most of the tragedies in people’s lives are not physical. Most wounds are not spouting blood. However, for those with eyes to see, many people around us are hurting, nonetheless.

 

Our character is not determined by how well we keep a schedule, or how many meetings we attend. Our character is revealed in those sudden choices in life that surprise us.

 

 

WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR?

 

Jesus turned to the lawyer: “Which of these three was neighbor to the man in need?”

 

The answer is rather easy. Which would you rather go fishing with? Go on a vacation with? Visit you in the hospital?

 

The Samaritan probably couldn’t preach a sermon or sing in the choir. But he knew enough to have a sympathetic heart and to reach out and help a person in need.

 

The real question is not, “Who is my neighbor?” The real question is, “To whom may I be a neighbor?!”

 

BLOOD BANKS 

 

Let me illustrate with a story about the development blood banks.

 

Blood banks were not practical until the 1940’s when an African-American surgeon discovered how to produce and store large quantities of artificial blood plasma. The key to sustaining blood banks was born. Banks were set up all over the United States and have saved thousands with blood for those who needed it quickly.

 

He and three associates were on their way to a medical conference in South Carolina when their car swerved to avoid a dog on the highway.

Dr. Drew was thrown from the car and critically injured. He was bleeding profusely.

Fortunately, his companions were unhurt.

They raced to a nearby hospital, but were turned away, because it was an all-white hospital.

Before they could reach the “colored” hospital across town, the man who developed artificial blood plasma, and the key to sustaining blood banks, had bled to death.

 

Sincerely, Roger

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Articles

How You Can Spot the Pessimists and Cynics in Your Life

by Carey Nieuwhof
written by Carey Nieuwhof

We’ve all had our share of cynics and pessimists try to dissuade us from action.

We live in an age in which there is no shortage of opinion. The challenge these days in leadership (and in life) is that a lot of those opinions are not particularly helpful.

On most teams, boards and in most organizations and churches you’ll find cynics and pessimists who are constantly offering opinions on what you should do, or more frequently, not do.

The question you have is this: how do you handle the cynics and pessimists, whose usual response to your new idea is to explain to you why it won’t work, why it’s doomed to fail or why it’s simply not worth pursuing?

Of course, cynics and pessmists rarely own up to being who they are. Instead, they tell you they’re realists.

Realism is often just a thin disguise for the much deeper problems of cynicism and pessimism.

Realism is often just a thin disguise for the much deeper problems of cynicism and pessimism.

CLICK TO TWEET

The worst thing about the constant barrage of negative voices is that they snuff out hope. And you never get to a better future without hope.

So how should you respond? How do you keep hope alive when the cynics and pessimists keep telling you it can’t happen and it won’t happen?

Here are five ways to handle the negative voices that come your way.

You never get to a better future without hope.

CLICK TO TWEET

1. CONSIDER THE SOURCE

Cynics and pessimists often have opinions on everything. But drill down a little further and you’ll soon discover that in their personal lives, they’ve rarely attempted anything.

Never trust those who have opinions on everything and attempt nothing with their own life.

Never trust those who have opinions on everything and attempt nothing with their own life.

CLICK TO TWEET

RedditUser218 can point out everything that’s wrong with everybody else, but scroll through his profile and feed and you’ll soon discover he’s in the business of doing nothing significant other than tearing down others who are attempting to do good things…or anything.

Similarly, Twitter dude with the cartoon avatar and 113 follower likely isn’t making any original contribution of his own. Check his feed, and you’ll soon see he spends his days shooting down others who do.

Criticism is not a spiritual gift. If the only thing you contribute to a conversation is criticism, you haven’t contributed at all.

Criticism is not a spiritual gift.

CLICK TO TWEET

So when you’re sorting through the various voices that have come your way, consider the source.

It’s not that all negative opinions are bad opinions. Sometimes what you’re saying or doing needs correction in whole or in part.

But what’s I’ve found is that the best critiques come from people who are attempting to do something significant with their lives. I don’t mean famous. It could be as simple as the parent who is trying to organize all the other parents at their school or in their neighborhood. Or the barista who is hustling hard and trying to make each customer have a great experience. Or the student who is getting up early to ace her courses.

That kind of critique can be very valuable, because it comes from someone who’s in the game and trying to make a difference.

They’re the kind of people you can build the future of your church or organization on. So lean in.

But if you’re hearing from the person who has nothing but negative things to say and is honestly attempting little to nothing with their own lives—well, that’s a different story.

After all, cynics never change the world. They just tell you why the world won’t change.

Cynics never change the world. They just tell you why the world won’t change.

CLICK TO TWEET

2. LOOK FOR ANY TRUTH YOU CAN FIND

All that said, your critics are probably never entirely wrong.

When you hear criticism, ask what part of it might be valid. Maybe the idea isn’t great after all. Or perhaps it’s a great idea, but you could have angled it differently, or shared it in a more helpful way.

You can learn from everyone, and you should have the humility to learn from anyone. Even your critics.

Even if what they said is 99% unhelpful and defeatist, learn from the 1% that might help you.

Pray about it. Talk about it with a trusted friend. Learn and grow.

You can learn from everyone, and you should have the humility to learn from anyone.

CLICK TO TWEET

3. DON’T FIGHT A BATTLE YOU WON’T WIN

As much as you want to learn from cynical and pessimistic people, you’re probably wasting your breath in trying to fight back or change their mind.

I’ve found the best way to engage a (true) cynic or pessimist is this: thank them for their viewpoint, and move on.

I used to spend a lot more time trying to change people’s minds and convince everyone to come along. Sometimes it worked, but usually the latent pessimism would surface again soon, and I would emerge out of those conversations exhausted and depleted.

Years ago, someone shared this with me:

Don’t wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig liked it.

Don’t wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig liked it.

CLICK TO TWEET

There’s a little too much truth in that.

The best way to win a battle with a cynic is to move on and build a better future.

Results have a way of speaking for themselves.

Results also usually either silence the critics or reduce their influence to the ever-shrinking group that will listen to them.

4. WATCH FOR THE CYNIC IN YOU

Ah yes…so you’ve noticed the push-pull in their post.

Wait…you’re dealing with critics by criticizing them? How beautifully ironic and hypocritical.

Well, yes and no.

You can get all cynical about the cynics and travel deep down that wormhole, but I’m not sure anyone wins in that scenario.

That’s NOT what I’m trying to do.

On the other hand, you can also pretend every voice should have equal weight. Just be open and don’t differentiate between the different voices you hear and the sources they come from.

The problem with that is that it’s a recipe for inertia. When you have five conflicting voices (several of them negative), what do you do? Well, then you do nothing because everything grinds to a halt. So that’s no good.

If you always listen to negative voices, you’ll accomplish nothing.

However (and this is a big ‘however’), the more you hear negative voices around you, and the longer you lead, the more easy it is to become cynical yourself.

If you’re not careful, responding to the cynics around you can deepen the cynic within you.

There’s a part of me that’s always tempted to reply to the cynics with an even deeper cynicism. See point #1. (You should see what goes through my head some days that never makes it past my lips or onto the keyboard. It can get dark.)

It’s so easy to get dragged down into a mind-set that’s just negative about negativity, but nobody ever wins in that space.

If you’re not careful, responding to the cynics around you can deepen the cynic within you.

CLICK TO TWEET

So what’s the point in all of this? The point is this: become discerning about who you’re hearing from…discerning enough to when to listen and revise, and when to listen and just move on.

And while you’re doing that, fight the cynic inside you. Every. Single. Day.

Return to hope again and again. Keep trusting, Keep believing. Keep making progress.

Fight the cynic inside you. Every. Single. Day.

CLICK TO TWEET

5. STAY CURIOUS

An incredibly effective antidote to cynicism is curiosity. Yes, simple curiosity.

One thing I’ve noticed again and again is this reality: curious people are never cynical, and cynical people are never curious.

Cynics are never curious. And the curious are never cynical.

CLICK TO TWEET

Think for a minute about the wonderfully curious people you know: a friend, a former teacher, a neighbor, or an uncle. You’ll quickly realize that the curious are always interested, always hopeful, and always open to new possibilities. Some grandparents are infinitely interested in their children and grandchildren, asking questions, discovering new things together, embracing the changing possibilities of a new world.

Some older people have more joy for tomorrow than they did decades earlier and become cheerleaders for hope in their communities, families, and congregations.

So if you want to foster hope and bring about a much better future, stay curious.

Feed your curiosity, and it grows. Starve it, and it withers.

Feed your curiosity, and it grows. Starve it, and it withers.

www.careynieuwhof.com.

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Sermons

Do You See What I See?

by Andy Stanley
written by Andy Stanley

Grace really is, relationally speaking, it really is the unsettling solution for just about everything. Jesus was full of grace. He extended it to people who were nothing like him, and then he asked people like us, who are nothing like him, to extend it to people who are nothing like us, and who may not even like us. So let’s do that. This Christmas season, let’s do something unsettling. Let’s be unsettling. Let’s give to someone what they don’t expect, and what they perhaps don’t necessarily deserve. When you do this, you will be like your Father in heaven. You will be part of the unsettling solution. You will be amazing, amazing, just like, just like grace.

Preached at North Point Community Church. www.sermons.love.

 

 

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Graphic design of iconic monarch butterfly with bandaged wounded wing against abstract background. Use art for injured, hurt, rehabilitation or medical recovery metaphor themes
Ask Roger

Why Do I Suffer and How Do I Survive?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

My family is falling apart. I have lost my job, my son is on drugs, and I lost my retirement fund when my company went bankrupt. Has God forgotten me? Why am I suffering so? How do I survive this crisis?

Sincerely,

BH

Dear BH,

I have noticed that intense suffering has a myriad of effects on people—but two results predominate. Some rise above it. Their lives are literally deepened and “made” by the experience. Others wallow in it and never get over it. Let me share a few thoughts on the biblical view of suffering.

A good theology of suffering begins with our world-view. This is not a perfect world. It is a good world. It is filled with many good things—after all, God made it. But, it is broken. It is bent. The fall of some angels and the fall of man have left our world full of suffering and evil and pain. In fact, God tells us that Satan is the god of this world. There are some things that we will just have to live with—we are not entitled to know all the answers now. We will learn all the answers later (1 Corinthians 13:12).

Remember that God is willing to give you understanding when you are walking through hard times. James writes in James 1:2-5:

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” NIV

Here are a few questions you can ask when you are experiencing suffering:

1. Am I paying a price for following Christ? (Acts 5:41; Philippians 1:29)
2. Am I suffering for doing good? (1 Peter 3:17; 4:12-19)
3. Is this discipline (punishment) for a sin I’ve committed? (Joshua 7:10-12; John 5:14; 1 Corinthians 11:31-32; James 5:13-16)
4. Is this intended to keep me from future sin? (2 Corinthians 12:7)
5. Is God using this so that His glory may be on display in my life? (John 9:1-3; 2 Corinthians 4:7-12).
6. Is this an instructive experience (discipline) designed for my personal growth and/or spiritual maturity? (Job 23:10; Romans 5:3-5; Hebrews 12:4-11)
7. Is this designed to increase my faith and God-dependence? (Matthew 8:23-27)
8. Is God using this to mold me into the image of Christ? (Romans 8:28-29)
9. Is it time to die? (Psalm 90:10; John 11:4)

It is hard to know what to say to a person who has been struck by tragedy, but it is easier to know what not to say:
1. Don’t say anything critical of the mourner (“don’t take it so hard,” “try to hold back your tears, you’re upsetting people”).
2. Don’t say anything which tries to minimize the mourner’s pain, (“it’s probably for the best,” “it could be a lot worse”). Minimizing the mourners pain is likely to be misguided and unappreciated.
3. Don’t say anything which asks the mourner to disguise or reject his or her feelings, (“we have no right to question God,” “God must love you to have selected you for this burden”).

Once we are well into mourning and comforting, it is time to move on with the healing.

However we answer (or are unable to answer) the Why question, there comes the time to move on by asking the question, “Now that this has happened to me, how am I going to respond?” This answer to this How question is best lived out in relationships.

God never intended for us to handle our sufferings alone.

1. Turn to God

Remember Psalm 23:4: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Learn to “pray from the inside out.” As we mature in Christ we transition from the temporal to the eternal. God is much more concerned that we are praying for our spirit which is eternal than for our body which is decaying and will soon perish (Ephesians 1:15-19; 3:14-19; Philippians 1:9-11; Colossians 1:9-12). God will answer prayers for the maturity of our inside spirit 1000 times out of 1000. God will sacrifice the body every time if that is what is needed to mature our inner, eternal spirit. God gives us the grace when we need it—often not a minute earlier: “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Notice the growth in maturity and understanding in Jacob’s life from when he first prayed in the midst of suffering near the beginning of his walk with God (Genesis 28) to how he prayed twenty years later (Genesis 32).

2. Turn to others

Don’t go through suffering alone. Now is the time for encouragement, advice, lessons, logic and reasons, understanding, dealing responsibly with guilt—and more comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

3. “And it came to pass…” This means that all of our sufferings will one day come to an end, whether during our lifetime, or when we reach heaven. The world is not our home. Seasons of life come and go.

Hope this helps.

Love,

Roger

 

 

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Sex, Power and the Church: David and Bathsheba

by Jeff Elkins
written by Jeff Elkins

If you grew up in a conservative evangelical church like I did, it is possible there is a story from the Bible that was repeatedly used to teach you about sex – the story of David and Bathsheba in 2nd Samuel chapters 11 and 12. While our teachers’ intentions were good, the way the story was taught has planted seeds in our minds that have grown into weeds we must now deal with if we are to side with Jesus in the time of #MeToo and #TimesUp. In this short essay, I hope to give you a different understanding of David and Bathsheba, one that doesn’t just focus on sex, but also on power.

The Way I Learned the Story

David has outlasted his predecessor and been crowned king. He has defeated his enemies, he has returned the ark to Jerusalem, and he has constructed his place. He is at the peak of his power and his place in the history books as Israel’s greatest king was secure.

Then, on a Spring night, David took a stroll on the roof of his palace. While walking, he saw a beautiful woman bathing on a neighboring rooftop. He asked his servants to find out who the woman was. They told him it was Bathsheba, the wife of one of David’s soldiers. David sent a servant to get her, he had sex with her, and then he sent her home.

A little while later, Bathsheba sent the king a note that read, “I am pregnant.”

David’s first thought was to cover up that the baby was his. He brought Bathsheba’s husband home from war thinking the man would have sex with his wife while he was on leave, but out of loyalty to his troops who were still on the battlefield, Bathsheba’s husband wouldn’t sleep with her.

When David’s original plan failed, the king told his generals to arrange it so Bathsheba’s husband would die on the battlefield. After the husband was killed, David gave Bathsheba time to mourn before he married her.

This might have been the end of the story, one more political scandal cleaned before it damaged the throne if it had not been for God. In the story, God sent Nathan the prophet to speak to David. Nathan told David a story about two men, a rich man, and a poor man. The rich man had lots of sheep. The poor man had one sheep for which he cared a great deal. One night the rich man needed to feed a traveler. Not wanting to waste his own sheep, the rich man took the poor man’s sheep.

At the end of Nathan’s story, David was angry at the rich man and wanted justice for the poor man. With dramatic flair, Nathan explained to David that David was the rich man and Bathsheba’s husband was the poor man. Nathan then told David that his power would begin to fade because of the terrible thing he has done.

What I Learned in Church about Sex

Growing up in an Evangelical Southern Baptist church, I heard this story at least once a year. My Sunday school teachers and youth leaders pulled it out whenever it was time to talk about sex. It was used as a warning for boys on the dangers of sexual temptation. The central message was, “Have sex before marriage and bad things will happen, like a girl getting pregnant.”

I was told that David’s first mistake was being on the roof at midnight. If David had been in bed like he was supposed to be, this would have never happened.

David’s second mistake was looking for too long. My teachers explained that, Yes, there are beautiful women in the world, but don’t look at them. If you do, sexual temptation might overtake you.” Through this analysis of the story, my teachers gave the power to Bathsheba’s beauty. If lingered on, it would be more than any man could bear.

Above all else, it was important for young men to know that they should never investigate sexual temptation. That was David’s third mistake. He was tempted by Bathsheba’s powerful beauty and he then he dwelled on it. He did the Old Testament equivalent of Googling her. My teachers were clear, “Don’t Google sexual temptation.”

According to this line of teaching, David’s great failure was having sex with Bathsheba. All the other bad things that happened (trying to trick the husband, then killing him, then being lectured by Nathan) were born from the act of sex. If David just hadn’t of given in to his desires, everything would have been alright. It was implied (and sometimes openly stated) that if a man lingers in lustful thoughts, those thoughts will when and the man will fall into sin. The only way to escape such temptation was to run from it.

These teachings stuck with me for a long time. When I was in college, I remember walking through the mall with friends who had come from similar upbringings. As we walked by the Victoria Secret store, we’d talk loudly about how much we liked our shoes. The absurd exercise was a way to acknowledge to everyone around us that we were not going to be like David. We weren’t going to look at Bathsheba. We were going to look at our shoes because the beautiful women advertised in the windows of the store would not tempt us. We were aware that just one lingering glance at a poster could take us down a road that would end in an unwanted baby.

When I started in the ministry as a young adult, I was warned about meeting one-on-one with young women. If a meeting with a woman was necessary, it should not be done in public because people might think the meeting was romantic in nature and that would be bad. It should also not be done in private because then I wouldn’t have accountability for my behavior. I also should not ride to meetings in the same car with a woman, because that could lead to sexual temptation. Honestly, the only way meeting one-on-one with a woman would work is if I did it in my office, with the door open, and another guy was sitting outside just in case. Therefore, in the end, it was best just not to have one-on-one meetings with women unless another guy was around.

Consequences of that Teaching

Now in my forties with young boys of my own, I realize this line of teaching, although well intentioned, planted some bad seeds in my mind.

§  It taught me that David, and all men, were the victims in the story. David was being challenged by powerful temptation, the beauty of a woman, and he understandably failed to resist it. The teaching never went so far as to excuse him from responsibility, but it implied that giving in was the foregone conclusion if he remained exposed to the power of a beautiful woman.

§  It also taught me that Bathsheba and beautiful women like her were tools of temptation. Therefore, they were on the side of temptation. While they weren’t the problem, they weren’t helping. Their beauty was powerful and should be avoided unless appropriate romantic involvement was intended.

§  Finally, it taught me that the perspective that matters was David’s. This story was about him, and it was a tragedy. Poor David had fallen into temptation and lost things because of it. Just think of what an amazing king he might have continued to be if this hadn’t happened to him.

As women have begun to speak out about how they were assaulted, I feel the presence of these teachings in our cultural conversation.

When an allegation arises, we whisper about the women because we can’t help but ask Bathsheba, “Should you really have been bathing on the roof? Don’t you know how dangerous your beauty is for men?” We want to know the man’s side of the story, wondering where his moment of failure came; and after the second or third story is shared, we start asking if this whole thing has gone too far. We question allegations, asking for investigations into them, and then questioning the validity of the investigations when they do happen. We even mourn the loss of the assaulters when they are held accountable, saying things like, “Isn’t it sad that David never reached his full potential as the king because this happened to him.”

The Misuse of Power

Teachings like this version of David and Bathsheba have not served us well. I would, therefore, like to take a different look at the story. One that doesn’t place sex at the center, but focuses on the real issue – the issue we tend to ignore in conversations about sexual assault – power.

Let’s start with Bathsheba since she is the true victim of the story.

Notice that she is never the one taking action.

§  David looks at her.

§  David summons her.

§  David “lays” with her.

§  David tries to trick her husband.

§  David murders her husband.

§  David then marries her.

In contrast to David, she has no power in the narrative. At every turn, she is acted upon. This is not something she chose. This was forced upon her.

Also notice that, excluding a three-word note she writes, Bathsheba is silent in the story. In not giving her a voice, the storyteller is communicating to us that she could not speak. It is a stretch to say that she likely felt denying the king was impossible. He clearly had the power to kill her husband and end her life. She had no choice. Which is why this is not a story about an extra-marital affair. It is a story about sexual assault.

David had all the power. Bathsheba had no power. David abused his power to take what he wanted from Bathsheba.

Yet it is her life that is over. Because David stole her, she loses her home and her husband, and she is forced into a harem she didn’t ask to be a part of. Bathsheba’s life as she knows it ends because David took her.

To hammer this point home, let’s consider Nathan. The prophet speaks for God in the story. God and Nathan do not seem to think the problem is sex. They don’t lecture David about being in the wrong place or letting his eye linger on Bathsheba for too long. When Nathan arrives on the scene to speak to David, he tells a story about power. There was a rich man and a poor man. The rich man took the poor man’s things and this was the great injustice.

Notice also that Nathan does not lecture Bathsheba. He does not hold her accountable for tempting David. He does not criticize her for bathing on the roof. He does not tell her she should have covered up or been more careful. He does not have a story for her about sheep and power. In this story, Nathan sees Bathsheba as the innocent victim that she is. She is the poor man who did nothing wrong.

In Sunday School, we never got to the end of the story, and the end of the story is important.

Before leaving David, Nathan explains that because of David’s sin – his abuse of power over Bathsheba – the baby Bathsheba has given birth to will die.

And then the child gets sick.

And David refuses to eat, lying on the ground in mourning all day and night.

And after seven days, the child dies.

The conclusion of the story is that David is made to feel as powerless as Bathsheba was. Through his abuse of power, he is given a son, an heir, a symbol that his family name will go on; but then he is left to lay on the floor helpless and mourning as he watches that future die, just as Bathsheba had to watch as David destroyed her life.

It is clear to me now, as a grown man with sons, that while this story has sex in it, it is not about sex. It is about power. David had all of it, he used it to sexually assault Bathsheba, and the future she was building was destroyed because of it.

Where Should Christians Stand?

The biggest lesson for me (and the lesson I’m trying to teach my boys is) from the story of David and Bathsheba is about how Christ followers should respond when the story is repeated.

When the course of a person’s life is changed because someone with power abuses it to take what they want, where should the people of God be?

Nathan has two roles in this story.

First, he fearlessly holds power accountable.

David is king. He has armies of warriors at his disposal. He has proven himself to be a mighty warrior in battle. He has all the money, all the fame, all the resources of the kingdom.

Nathan only has his reputation and his integrity. He is the man who speaks for God.

Yet Nathan does not hesitate to look David in the eye and say, “You were wrong. You were wrong and you are going to pay for it.”

If we are going to call ourselves followers of God, we must not hesitate to speak truth to those in power. When they abuse their power (and they will because they always do), we must stand and say, “No. This behavior is unacceptable and it will be made right.”

Second, Nathan stands with the powerless.

After this story, Nathan disappears from the narrative. He doesn’t come back until David is an old man, on his deathbed. And when Nathan appears again, in the first chapter of 1st Kings, we see him standing next to Bathsheba. He encourages her to go to David and advocate for her second son, the son who was born after her life had been reset, Solomon. It is Nathan that orchestrates Bathsheba’s son Solomon becoming king. In the same way, when we see injustice happen, if we want to follow God we must also fight for the empowerment of the victims.

I tell my sons at every opportunity, “If you want to know where God is, find the people with the least amount of power, and go fight for them. You’ll find God there.”

The lesson the story of David and Bathsheba should teach us is not about sex. It’s about power. And if the church of America wants to call itself the people of God, if it wants to play the role of Nathan in the story, then it must fearlessly speak truth to power and stand alongside the victims, because that is where we will find God.

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Three Ways Christians Annoy Non-Christians

by Carey Nieuwhof
written by Carey Nieuwhof

Do Christians annoy non-believers? Yes. Often. If you spend two minutes talking to almost anyone outside the Christian faith and you’re almost certain to hear a list of complaints they have about Christians.

The problem has been around awhile.  As Mahatma Gandhi famously (and sadly) said: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

He’s not alone.

The problem with many non-Christians isn’t that they don’t know any Christians. The challenge is they do.

So what gives?

Many Christians would tell you we have an image problem: we’re treated unfairly, we’re being persecuted, or we’re just badly misunderstood.

I’m not so sure.

It’s not so much that Christians have an image problem. It’s far more likely that we have an integrity problem.

Do we get misunderstood on some issues? Of course. But that’s outside our control.

There are more than a few issues entirely within our control that give us a bad name with people outside Christianity.

Here are 3 things Christians do that non-Christians despise.

Maybe Christians don’t have an image problem. Maybe we have an integrity problem.

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1. Judge

It doesn’t take long for non-Christians to tell you how much they hate the way Christians judge other people.

Another two minutes on social media will reveal Christians and preachers condemning unchurched people for their sexual habits and preferences, life-style choices and even political views. I doubt this is what Jesus had in mind when he gave his life in love for the world.

Disclosure: without the mercy and intervention of Christ, I’m very judgmental. And years ago, I realized how devastating judgment and criticism can be to others. So I’m waging a life-long battle against it. Confessing it, repenting of it almost daily.

I realized years ago that very few people get judged into life change. Far more get loved into it.

Very few people get judged into life change. Far more get loved into it.

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It also occurred to me that the presence of judgment almost always guarantees an absence of love.

Think about it through the lens of your marriage, a friendship or even someone you work with: it is virtually impossible to love someone and judge someone at the same time.

But wait, you ask: what if they’re making a mistake and I need to correct them?

First of all, look at your mistakes and the depth of your sin, and deal with your issues first. In the process, you’ll encounter a loving God who forgives you despite your rather egregious sin.

And having been loved, you can love others.

I try to remember this rule: If I’m judging someone, I’m not loving them. You can’t judge someone and love them at the same time.

You can’t judge someone and love them at the same time.

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What would happen if Christians stopped judging the world (isn’t that God’s job?) and started loving it instead?

I believe that’s what Jesus did.

2. Be Hypocritical

There’s a word for Christian who say one thing and do another. The word is hypocrite.

It’s far easier to call someone else a hypocrite than it is to admit you’re one.

It’s far easier to call someone else a hypocrite than it is to admit you’re one.

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The truth is that as much as I hate it, I’m a hypocrite. My walk doesn’t always match my talk. That’s why I don’t have a fish on my car. When I’m in a hurry and my natural impatience surfaces, the last thing some person God loves needs to see is a Christian cut him off.

Of course, it’s worse than that. I’m not always a loving husband, kind father, steadfast son, patient boss, or even compassionate friend. Like you, I’m a mixture of good and not-really-that good evil.

What did Paul say? Nothing good lives in me. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 7:18). That could be a life-verse for me. Well, actually, it kind of is.

Sanctification is a process that never ends.

I am not who I want to be (yet). I am not who God wants me to be.  But I’m different. I’m changing. And Christ is at work in me.

I believe that’s the reality for every person who calls Jesus Savior.

So what do imperfect Christians do? I mean just deciding you’re not going to make mistakes never keeps you from making mistakes.

I think the answer is simple: you watch what you say.

Don’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not.

I find the more humility I add to my words, the smaller the gap is between who I am and who I say I am.

When you admit your shortcomings, you build a bridge between you and others. Owning your sin is different than living in it; confession is never an excuse for complacency.

Owning your sin is different than living in it; confession is never an excuse for complacency.

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So what do you do if you live in the tension between what you usually say or want to say and what you do?

I think you change both.

You change how you live through the power of Christ day by day (getting better), and at the same time, you change how you talk about your faith, yourself and how you live (adding more honestly and humility to your words). I wrote about things modern Pharisees say today in this post (the Pharisees were an ultra-religious group Jesus strong criticized).

Want a quick fix for hypocrisy? Accelerate your walk. Humble your talk.

Nothing closes the gap between word and action faster than that.

Want a quick fix for hypocrisy? Accelerate your walk. Humble your talk.

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3. Stink At Friendship

Friendship is hard.

We all have ideas of finding the perfect friends with whom we’ll never disagree, share 1000 common interests and ride off into the sunset with.

Well, very few human relationships ever work that way. Even in marriage, the best marriages are almost always ones in which people have overcome deep and real obstacles to find a powerful love that’s far deeper than emotion.

Perhaps the first obstacle between non-Christians and Christians is that relatively few Christians actively pursue meaningful friendships with people who don’t share their faith. Between churches that offer programs 5 nights a week (leaving little time for Christians to make friends outside the church) and Christians who are afraid of the world, many Christians don’t pursue authentic relationships with non-Christians.

Which means much of the interaction non-Christians have is situational and observational rather than truly relational. They observe Christians in life and at work, notices traces of judgment and hypocrisy and draw all kinds of conclusions. I get that.

But Jesus went so much deeper than that. Jesus pursued friendships with people who were different than him. Whose lifestyles were far different than anything God had in mind for them (or for people in relationship with him).

Yet Jesus was their friend. He went to their house for dinner. They traveled together. They shared moments and meals and life.

It scandalized the religious leaders of Jesus day, and sadly, when it’s practiced authentically, it still scandalizes most of us today.

Think about it. When was the last time you hung out with a hooker?

When was the last time you had someone who’s not your skin color, not your political persuasion and doesn’t share your value system over for dinner, or when was the last time you broke bread with an addict (who’s not in recovery)?

Often when Christians do pursue ‘friendships’ with people far from God, it’s more of a project than it is a friendship.

But people aren’t projects; people are people. People can smell it a mile away if you see them as a project, not a person.

People can smell it a mile away if you see them as a project, not a person.

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Which leads us to another tension in our friendships with those outside the Christian faith.

Some Christians do have a relationship with unchurched people. So: how exactly do you talk about faith?

Great question!

Most of us swing to one extreme or the other: either we always talk about faith, or we never talk about. Both are mistakes.

Always talk about faith, and you’re turning the relationship into a project. Never talk about, and you miss the most important thing in life.

Real friendships always drill down on real issues, and few things are more significant than the meaning of life.

How do you talk about? Naturally, organically, in the context of your story is a great place to start.

Real friendships are like that.

Want a simpler place than that to begin? Try this. Just like the person. As much friend Reggie Joiner says, people will never believe you love them if they feel you don’t like them.

Boom.

“People will never believe you love them if they feel you don’t like them.” @ReggieJoiner

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What Do You Think?

Anything you see that people who are not Christians despise about Christians?

If you’re a Christian, what helps you overcome these issues, and what other issues do you struggle with?

www.careynieuwhof.com. Used by permission.

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Grief, Children, You and the Holidays

by Larry Barber
written by Larry Barber

A young mother whose son was killed in a fire started by outdoor Christmas lights expressed her fear of the upcoming first Christmas following his death. She did not have the energy to carry on as usual, and she was getting messages from the family that they expected her to do just that. Through grief support, she was able to adapt her holidays to fit her and her surviving child’s needs. She needed permission to change the routine because she felt the old routine would be too painful. She chose to go away for the holidays and reported a surprising success of getting through them. She also gained hope that one day she might be able to enjoy the holidays again because she felt empowered to be in control of how she celebrated, if she celebrated.

Following the death of a loved one, there are many firsts. One of the most difficult firsts can be the holidays. The following are some thoughts on how to help your family cope through the holiday season.

CARING FOR GRIEVING CHILDREN

  • Prepare children for changes in routine. It is perfectly acceptable to make changes in holiday routines, perhaps even preferable, but remember to prepare children well in advance for changes to holiday traditions.
  • Include children and teens in planning. A family meeting to decide what changes will be appropriate for celebrating the holidays can alleviate a child’s feeling of being left out.
  • If a child appears to need extra reassurance during the holidays, remember they may have feelings of sadness, guilt, etc. that they are struggling with.
  • Children may “regress” (find comfort in earlier behaviors) during the stress of the holidays.
  • Children need opportunities to express their feelings and fears. Plan a ritual for remembering your loved one around the holiday season.
  • Plan some extra time to spend one on one with your children during the holidays.
  • Don’t let the world dictate your schedule.

CARING FOR YOURSELF

  • You are the best person to know what you need to care for yourself. Be kinder to yourself than you have ever been during the holiday season.
  • There is no right or wrong way to grieve OR to spend the holidays. Choose activities or solitude based on your needs.
  • Watch out for over-commitment during the holidays. Say “no.”
  • Treat yourself.
  • Give yourself credit for accomplishing the “firsts” as they come along.
  • Be with people you want to spend time with. Say “no” to those you feel would need more energy than you have to give.

REMEMBER YOUR LOVED ONE

  • Buy a gift for your loved one. Give it to someone who needs it. You will receive twice the pleasure. (This may be too difficult for someone whose loss is recent.)
  • Donate money to a special cause in your loved one’s name or volunteer your time and/or talents.
  • Contribute a poinsettia to your church sanctuary (or to a local nursing home or school) in your loved one’s name.
  • Talk about the deceased with those you are comfortable sharing.
  • Plan a time for remembering. Set a place for them at the table, hang a stocking, retell stories of them.

ANNIVERSARY DATES

  • An anniversary of the death of a loved one can cause anxiety and stress, which are normal grief reactions.
  • Give yourself permission to feel your own feelings about the day and plan how you want to spend your time.
  • Remember that anticipation is sometimes worse than going through the actual day.
  • Don’t allow others to dictate the extent to which you observe the day.

GriefWorks is a free grief support group program for children ages five to eighteen that have experienced the death of someone close to them. Love Never Dies is a faith-based support group for adults who are grieving.

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Loving Your Enemies Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Make Any

by Leonard Sweet
written by Leonard Sweet

The Discovery Channel once hosted a series called “Dirty Jobs.” Mike Rowe, the host, mucked-out, dug under, flushed, slogged, and slid through some of the most filthy and foul places on the planet.

But whether he had been hanging from rafters or slipping through sewers, Rowe consistently showed his viewers how even the most grungy, grimy, gross job still has its own dirty dignity. Rowe always offered respect to those who were “showing him the ropes,” whether they were demonstrating how to scrape up penguin poop or harvest worms. The underlying message of “Dirty Jobs” is that no matter how nasty, a job is a job and doing it well gives a sense of well-being and worth to humanity.

Except . . . . and it’s the exceptions that prove the rule . . . some jobs have always been just too “dirty” to redeem. Jesus honed in on the performers of these most despicable jobs throughout his ministry. Jesus spoke with and reached out to exactly those who were supposed to be shunted off and shoved aside for the unredeemable “dirty jobs.”

Jesus touched and healed the untouchable and unhealable — lepers, Gentiles, crazies.

Jesus comforted a Roman centurion grieving for his daughter. Jesus extended his hand to those out of their minds, “possessed” by demons.

But perhaps the most wretched refuse Jesus consoled and companioned were the tax collectors and prostitutes. Neither disease, nor demons, nor DNA made these people outcasts. They had professions that they knew would make them outcasts among their own people and despised by the people they served.

In Jesus’ day both tax collectors and prostitutes were viewed as “collaborators.” They profited from the despised existence and detested ruling authority of the Roman Empire.

Tax collectors brought the reality of Roman rule into the pocket of every Jewish citizen. Every action taken, every aspect of life, was scrutinized and taxed by the Roman authorities. Every sheckel paid was a cruel reminder of Israel’s defeat, of the loss of identity and the fear of no future that haunted the “chosen people” of God. Every time the tax collector dumped coins into Rome’s coffers, Israel’s hopes became emptier.

Prostitutes violated their own sexual purity, to be sure. But their existence also threatened the purity of Israel itself. According to Mosaic law any child born of a Jewish mother was considered Jewish. But what happens when the “chosen people” are being created by Roman soldiers?

The tax collectors were instruments used against Israel’s political identity. The prostitutes were instruments used against Israel’s genetic identity.

Yet it is precisely these two groups, one the most dangerous and the other the most despicable, that Jesus singled out and elevated above “the chief priests and elders of the people.” It was the ultimate insult.

Jesus did not care about the offense he was giving. He cared about the defense he was building. Jesus sided with the tax collectors and prostitutes not because of what they were — but because of what they had become.

These were the people who had received John the Baptist. These were the people who had heard his call to repentance. These were the people who had responded to his invitation to baptism.

These were the people who had recognized and revered the divine hand guiding John’s mission and message.

What those tax collectors and prostitutes had done in the past was overwritten and overcome by what they had done in John’s presence. Faith and repentance bumped up the bottom of the heap to the first in line.

This was not a message that went down well with those who were “large and in charge.” But Jesus did not tone down this turn off. Jesus stood in the temple courtyard and confronted with holy boldness the temple chief priests and Sanhedrin leaders on their home turf. What is more, Jesus dared to inform them that they needed to get to the back of the line. The tax collectors and prostitutes were getting into the kingdom of God before they were.

This is an “in your face,” “pull no punches,” “no-holds barred” bare-knuckled assault on someone’s reputation and authority. This is a method and a message guaranteed to make enemies. We always remember that Jesus admonished us to “love” our enemies. But Jesus never said don’t MAKE any enemies. In fact Jesus’ directive to “love” your enemy assumes that enemies will abound!

If you stand for something, someone else will stand against you.

If it weren’t so, we could all lie down and relax. This is not a time to relax. Jesus made enemies by revealing an unflattering truth to people in power, to people who were perfectly poised to cause him great harm. Jesus offered the priests and elders an alternative world view, a view outside their tight circle of what was “acceptable” and “righteous.” Jesus showed them that God could not be contained within their small orbits of ritual observance and obedience.

Jesus used John the Baptist’s “break-out” mission and message to introduce his listeners — both those hospitable and those hostile — to God’s on-going plan for the salvation of the world and for human redemption and return to the garden. Jesus’ message was not a condemnation. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:17). Jesus came to save the world and call us to repentance and prayer.

Going on the offensive will give offense.

Ironically, for someone who never had use for God all his life, Norman Mailer’s last book is a conversation with God entitled On God: An Uncommon Conversation (2007). Looking back on the 20th century and on his life, Mailer says that the best metaphor he can come up with for how the universe operates is a gridiron. Creation, he said, is like AstroTurf on which God and the Devil duke it out for victory. The Devil’s work, according to Mailer, is left-brained stuff. The Devil’s strengths are systematic, actuarial, technological, consumer-driven stuff. God’s “plays” are more imaginative and creative, but the Devil is on the offensive for a variety of reasons. Both God and the Devil for Mailer have limited powers, and on that basis Mailer says the outcome of this battle between good and evil is uncertain. But the points on the board right now are in the Devil’s favor because the forces of evil are on the offense, partly because evil right now is more willing to take risks and be creative, and good is stuck in a defensive, play-it-safe posture.

To go on the offensive means to give offense. Jesus offended, not with a “holier than thou” righteousness, but with a offensive defense of the marginalized whose humanity was being minimalized. Sometimes we can “love our enemies” the best by showing them without fear how wrong they are.

I like the story of the 100th birthday party where a man was interviewed by a reporter with the stupid question, “What one thing are you most proud of after having lived such a long life?”

The old man replied, “Well, here I am, 100 years old and I don’t have a single enemy in the world.”

The impressed reporter responded, “That is truly remarkable, sir. What made it possible for you to be able to say such a thing?”

“Well,” said the 100 year old man, “I’ve outlived every one of them.”

Not exactly “every one of them.” There was one “enemy” the centenarian didn’t outlive.

That was himself. God is more than faithful to his friends. God is faithful even to God’s enemies. For that includes us. The Bible says Abraham was both God’s friend and God’s enemy. Each one of us is. The very best in us and the very worst in us is only a thin membrane apart.

Let us give thanks that God’s faithfulness endures forever . . . . and offers forgiveness to both friends and enemies. And let us not be afraid to “love our enemies,” especially while we’re making them.

The most famous Winston Churchill address is supposed to consist of three words repeated over and over again: “Never give in. Never give in. Never give in.”

This graduation address is the only speech most of us have ever memorized. But this is not the whole speech. This is not even the whole point, although it may be the whole of life.

Churchill said these words on 29 October 1941, when he visited Harrow School. It was after the Blitz and things were looking up a bit for Britain. Here is the relevant part of the speech:

But for everyone, surely, what we have gone through in this period ?? I am addressing myself to the School ?? surely from this period of ten months, this is the lesson: Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never ?? in nothing, great or small, large or petty ?? never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

Love your enemies, but don’t be afraid to make them or stand up to them.

Leonard Sweet Sermons, Leonard Sweet, ChristianGlobe Networks, Inc., 2011, 0-000-1415

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Articles

2015 Sees Sharp Rise in Post-Christian America

by David Kinnaman
written by David Kinnaman

While the United States remains shaped by Christianity, the faith’s influence—particularly as a force in American politics and culture—is slowly waning. An increasing number of religiously unaffiliated, a steady drop in church attendance, the recent Supreme Court decision on same-sex marriage, and the growing tension over religious freedoms all point to a larger secularizing trend sweeping across the nation.

But how do the numbers stack up? Is America, home to the largest Christian population in the world, actually becoming a “post-Christian” nation? Currently, 78% of Americans describe themselves as “Christian,” but in order to dig deeper than just self-affiliation, Barna Group looked at a variety of key faith indicators for both belief and practice.

To measure a person’s level of irreligion, Barna Group tracks 15 metrics related to faith (you can find the full list of 15 at the end of the article). These factors speak to the lack of Christian identity, belief and practice. These factors include whether individuals identify as atheist, have never made a commitment to Jesus, have not attended church in the last year, or have not read the Bible in the last week.

These kinds of questions—compared to ticking the “Christian” box in a census—get beyond how people loosely identify themselves (affiliation), and get to the core of what people actually believe and how they behave as a result of their belief (practice). These indicators give a much more accurate picture of belief in America.

 

Where Are We as a Nation?

Whether one believes this decline of “Christian America” calls for a time of lament, or presents great opportunity (or both) for the church, one cannot help but accept the changing landscape. In just two years, the percentage of Americans who qualify as “post-Christian” rose by 7 percentage points, from 37% in 2013 to 44% in 2015. Across the United States, cities in every state are becoming more post-Christian—some at a faster rate than others

Post-Christian Metrics
To qualify as “post-Christian,” individuals had to meet 60% or more of the following factors (nine or more). “Highly post-Christian” individuals meet 80% or more of the factors (12 or more of these 15 criteria).

1.     Do not believe in God

2.     Identify as atheist or agnostic

3.     Disagree that faith is important in their lives

4.     Have not prayed to God (in the last year)

5.     Have never made a commitment to Jesus

6.     Disagree the Bible is accurate

7.     Have not donated money to a church (in the last year)

8.     Have not attended a Christian church (in the last year)

9.     Agree that Jesus committed sins

10. Do not feel a responsibility to “share their faith”

11. Have not read the Bible (in the last week)

12. Have not volunteered at church (in the last week)

13. Have not attended Sunday school (in the last week)

14. Have not attended religious small group (in the last week)

15. Do not participate in a house church (in the last year)

 

Christians, let’s get to work!

© 2015, Barna Group

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Sermons

Good Reasons Not to Go to Church: Hypocrisy

by Glenn Barteau
written by Glenn Barteau

The unbelieving world sees Christians as “guardians of morality,” placing standards upon others that we can’t live up to ourselves. Instead, we are privileged to be living expressions of God’s Kingdom, love and grace in this world. Wherever we go, we are like a shining lamp to those who long for someone to demonstrate the true character of Christ.

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Bad Religion: Jesus and the Pharisees

by Tim Chaddick
written by Tim Chaddick

Bad religion is decried by Jesus in Matthew 29 when He condemns the Pharisees on their hypocrisy. But we can easily commit the same sins. Here are seven ways you can become hypocritical: Make up your own rules and act like they are Biblical. Keep people from God while convincing them they are growing closer to Him. Revere religious objects. Value practices more than people. Focus on the exterior rather than the interior. Teach truth to others, but never learn yourself. Pretend to honor that which you destroy.

Preached at Reality Church L.A. Used by permission.

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How You Know If You’re a Hypocrite

by Neil Anderson
written by Neil Anderson

RESOLVING HYPOCRISY:

Most of us are unaware of how hypocrisy controls our lives. Here is a list of symptoms that will identify areas you need to address in your integrity in relationships toward others, toward God and in your morality.

 

Neil Anderson, president of Freedom in Christ Ministries, has provided this powerful, helpful tool.

 

LIST each way, either in the past or present, that you have pretended outwardly something that is not true inwardly.

.

HYPOCRISY TOWARD OTHERS

Pretending to obey parents while being inwardly rebellious.  

Criticizing other’s failures when my spiritual problems are similar.  

Pretending to care for others while being bitter, resentful and angry.  

Saying one thing with my lips outwardly, but thinking differently in my heart.

Saying I love someone when, in reality, I really hate them.  

Only telling the things about myself that I want others to know, instead of what is true.  

Being afraid of what others would think if they knew what I was like on the inside.

Projecting myself as having it all together (no problems) out of fear of rejection from others.  

Dishonesty in sharing my weaknesses with others for fear of being rejected.  

Lying about things that happen, to cover up what I do.  

Lying to gain the acceptance of others.  

Identifying the problems that others have but not seeing my own. Matthew 7:5

Asking others to do things I am unwilling to do (i.e. clean house, wash dishes, etc…).

 

 HYPOCRISY TOWARD GOD

Pretending to be close to God, when not desiring or enjoying a relationship with Him.

Practicing religious activity to be seen and praised by men. Matthew 6:2,5,16

Pretending to be excited about fellowship with other believers, when in reality only wanting to impress them with my spirituality.

Giving money to gain the praise of men. Matthew 6:2

Praying to impress others with my spirituality. Mathew 6:5

Fasting to impress others with my spirituality. Matthew 6:16

Pretending to be excited about service for the Lord, when merely doing it out of obligation.

Pretending to live a holy life, but inwardly wishing I didn’t have to.

Pretending to be a spiritual person when I’m really not.

Saying I love God, but not obeying what He commands in His Word. Luke 6:46

Saying I have an intimate relationship with God, but seldom seeking Him in prayer.

Obeying God because of a fear of what others will think of me.

Making spiritual decisions based on other’s expectations of me.

 

MORAL HYPOCRISY

Pretending to have pure moral thoughts while yielding to lustful thoughts.

Telling my spouse I am morally pure when being unfaithful in desires, thoughts or actions.

Once you have allowed the Holy Spirit to convict you of hypocrisy, pray this prayer to be freed from Satan’s foothold in this area of your life.

 

“Lord, I acknowledge and renounce my hypocrisy as evidenced through my evaluation listed above.

I thank you for your forgiveness for my hypocrisy and choose to respond with openness, truthfulness and honesty from my heart.”

 

Re-printed from FREEDOM IN CHRIST MINISTRIES, Dr. Neil Anderson, founder.

Used by permission.

 

 

 

 

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Jesus, Our Victor Over Satan In The War Against The Church

by Beth Moore
written by Beth Moore

We live in a war zone. Satan has successfully duped the vast majority of our churches into imbalance regarding all things concerning or threatening him. Our human natures are drawn like magnets to polar points, and we unfortunately apply our fleshly extremes to our pulpits. We tend to give the devil either far too much credit or not nearly enough.

I cannot say this strongly enough: it is imperative in the days in which we’ve been assigned to occupy this earth that believers walk in truth and soundness of doctrine. Just as Christ warned in Matthew 24, we are living in days characterized by a rampant increase of deception and wickedness. Satan knows the biblical signs of Christ’s imminent return far better than we do, and he is furious because he knows his time is short (Rev. 12:12). 

Therefore, he has moved into comparative nuclear arms in his war against us, while we’re still using popguns in our war against him. A war of unprecedented proportions is waging against the church and the people of God. We must put on our armor, learn how to use our weapons, and fight with the confidence of those who know they are destined to win. 

When we speak God’s Word out loud with confidence in Him—rather than in our own ability to believe—we are breathing faith. Believing and speaking the truth of God’s Word is like receiving blessed CPR from the Holy Spirit: “Since we have the same spirit of faith in accordance with what is written, ‘I believed, therefore I spoke,’ we also believe, and therefore speak” (2 Cor. 4:13). 

When we approach God in genuine repentance, taking full responsibility for our sins, our prison doors swing open. But we could sit right there in our prison cells in torment if we don’t stand on God’s promises and walk forward in truth: “Therefore, dear friends, since we have such promises, we should wash ourselves clean from every impurity of the flesh and spirit, making our sanctification complete in the fear of God” (2 Cor. 7:1). As believers and members of Christ’s body, we must pursue God’s heart and know Him intimately to find spiritual victory.

Praying for a Christ Awakening:A Contemporary Collection for Church and Culture, p. 64. Used by permission of Dr. David Ferguson and Great Commandment Ministries.

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double barreled side shotgun on wooden table.
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God and Gun-Control: What Does the Bible Say?

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

What does the Bible say about gun control? More specifically, are the guidelines for the use of defensive weapons the same in the Old Testament and the teachings of Jesus in the New Testament?

Gun control has become a hot topic again because of recent tragedies. Politically, both sides of the American political spectrum are making their cases for and against tighter gun control. Some politicians are now beginning to openly call for the repeal of the Second Amendment.

 

My essay on this topic is not to address the political or social ramifications of the Second Amendment, U.S. political rights, or gun control. My first response to issues like these is to go directly to the scripture to see what principles we can appropriate to guide us in our views and actions. Yes, the Bible speaks to issues of weapons ownership, use, and misuse. The scriptures are sufficient for everything that we need for life and godliness.

So what ideas does the scripture put forth to help us navigate controversial waters such as these? 

First, it might surprise you to know that the Bible does speak to issues like this. Yet at the same time it is silent. By that I mean that you won’t find a specific scripture which states, “Thou shalt not own a weapon.” Or one that says, “Thou shalt own a weapon.” In fact, in terms of direct speech, the Bible is silent in this regard. This is because the Bible was not written to give us specific instructions like this. The Bible is a redemptive-historic document.

The purpose of the Bible is not to give us debate fodder to use about contemporary issues. The Bible was not written for us to find support for or against the social issues of our day. The Bible was written for redemptive purposes. However, we can glean from it’s many stories and letters important principles to help us know how to behave or act in certain situations that may not necessarily be part of its primary purpose. Second Amendment rights and gun control issues are one such issue that the Bible speaks to in a roundabout way. What principles can we glean from scripture? To do so we must ask the scripture what it tells us about war, self-defense, and general weapons usage. From there we can appropriate biblical principles to apply to our more modern day applications—like gun control.

After carefully thinking through the scriptures relative to this issue I have come away with the following truths and principles to help guide my personal view on this issue. The first truth, however, is the most important one to consider when dealing with issues like these. It’s not what many people would expect. Here it is:

•  Jesus is the God of the Old Testament.

         Why is this so important? How often have you heard someone say the God of the Old Testament was judgmental, or cruel, or ordered wars to slaughter thousands, and so on? Those same people urge us to follow their perceived pacifism of Jesus in the New Testament. After all, wasn’t it Jesus who said those who live by the sword will die by the sword? People, even Christians, who take this stand forget a very fundamental truth about Jesus. He is the God of the Old Testament. “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together” (Colossians 1:15-17). In the book of Revelation, Jesus speaks to John and says of himself, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end” (Revelation 22:12). This is the same type of language that God used about himself in Isaiah 46:9-10.

         Whenever we consider the Bible’s position on controversial issues like this we must remember to systematize what the scripture says in both Testaments, otherwise we will only have a partial picture of the Bible’s view on a topic. For instance, on the issue of weapons use, Jesus is the God of the Old Testament who commanded the armies of Israel to arm themselves for war. He raised up Judges like Ehud who single-handedly struck down King Eglon with a blade he made himself (Judges 3:15-23). He is the one who encouraged David to pursue the Amalekites in I Samuel 30:8 when David was nothing more than a citizen leading his own band of disenchanted men to rescue his family from their enemies. Yet this is the same Jesus who in the New Testament ordered Peter to put away his sword (John 18:11). This is the same Jesus who ordered his followers to turn the other cheek when assaulted (Matthew 5:39) and to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44). Knowing then that it is Jesus who said all these things what principles does the whole of scripture give us regarding weapons use whether it be a knife, a sword, a club, or a firearm? What principles can we glean for us as individuals (not as a society or nation—those are separate issues).

         Here are a few principles that I have come away with regarding weapons use in the scriptures. The first one is a hard one for many people, but is critically necessary to understand if we want to have a biblical (not political) view of weapons use.

•  You may not intentionally kill your attacker.

         In Exodus 22:2, God gives the law regarding home invasion. “If a thief is caught breaking in and is struck so that he dies, the defender is not guilty of bloodshed; but if it happens after sunrise, he is guilty of bloodshed.” 

         Understanding this passage depends upon our understanding of the term, “sunrise.” The implication is that the man defending his home is defending it in the dark. He is struggling with the invader but cannot see or cannot see well. In the process of defending his home and family he kills the invader, though not on purpose. However, if there is light the implication is that the defender sees and knows what he is doing. The passage, therefore, intimates that the defender intentionally kills the intruder. This is when the Mosaic Law declares him “guilty of bloodshed.”

         I know this doesn’t sit well with many Americans. We don’t know the invader’s motives or what he might do. Many states even have laws on the books which permit a defender to take the life of a home invader if he believes his life is in jeopardy. However, we are not concerned here with what our modern law says. We are concerned with the scriptures—our highest authority for all things in life; higher than law, higher than a constitution. The scriptures are the supreme guide for all our behaviors. With the exception of war, the scriptures forbid us to intentionally kill another person made in God’s image, regardless of the situation or what weapon is used. Period.

         There are other principles the scripture have for us to consider:

•  Weapon ownership was common in biblical days. 

•  There was never a time in scripture when personal weapon ownership was ever discouraged.

•  Any man over 20 years of age needed to be armed because he could be called up to serve in the army to defend Israel (Numbers 26:2).

•  The Apostles apparently owned weapons (Luke 22:38) and Jesus did not discourage the ownership of such, though he did forbid the use of weapons or violence as a tool of spreading the Gospel or growing God’s kingdom on Earth (John 18:11).

•  Bands of raiders often attacked Israelite homes and towns during the Judges period. Homes needed weapons for self-defense.

•  Israel seceded from Judah under Rehoboam’s reign and its men were armed for battle against their former government.

These brief examples seem to point to the idea that weapons use was something that God’s people needed to know and have experience with for personal defense as well as for war. In fact, there are also passages which demonstrate that a lack of weapons was a problem for the Israelites.

In I Samuel 13:19, as King Saul is preparing to take his army to battle, the scripture reveals, “No blacksmith could be found in all the land of Israel, for the Philistines said, ‘Otherwise the Hebrews will make swords or spears.’” The implication is that Israel was at a serious disadvantage for war because Israel did not have the practical means to defend itself on equal terms with the Philistines. 

One common weapon used in ancient times was the stone and sling. In fact, the oldest mention of a sling in antiquity is actually found in Judges 20:16. Slings were used to fend off animals attacking a heard and, of course, in war. A skillful soldier using a sling in ancient times could hit a target up to 400 feet away.

Slings, bows, spears, swords, daggers—weapons ownership and usage during biblical days was common and it was never discouraged in the Bible. The only thing discouraged regarding weapons was the use of them to intentionally kill another person. To bring harm to someone in self-defense was permitted. But intentionally killing someone, even in self-defense, was never sanctioned in the scripture. Do you own a gun? If so, consider that most people who are shot do not actually die. It is very possible to use a gun in self-defense without having to resort to intentionally killing your opponent. 

Finally, the most important thing we should understand as Christians and weapons use is that Jesus did not encourage his followers to arm themselves regarding the Gospel. No Apostle or early disciple resorted to weapons or violence when it came to building the Kingdom. Ten of the Apostles went to their graves in violence—and they never took up arms against their attackers. 

When it came to defending one’s testimony of Christ, weapons and violence are not allowed. We may keep our religion and our guns. But if we are attacked for our faith we may speak up and verbally defend ourselves as Paul did throughout the book of Acts. If we are to be harmed for the Gospel’s sake then we may flee or we may stand and take it—also as the Apostle Paul did. But violence of any kind regarding the Gospel disobeys Jesus’ command and his example. Violence was used against him and he never retaliated. The same was true of the Apostles in the book of Acts. It is a hard teaching, difficult for many to accept. But there may come a day in the Christian’s life when being attacked for the sake of Christ means that we lay down our rights as well as our lives.

 

 

 

 

 

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Open Table: A Practical Way to Eradicate Poverty

by Jon Katov
written by Jon Katov

The Triumph of Relationship over Poverty.

What is the Open Table? It’s a great program to equip Christians to restore people in poverty to our communities through relationship and by investing our own vocational and life experiences and personal networks.

MISSION

Train congregations and their members, through the Open Table Model, to partner their vocational and life experiences with people in poverty to develop and implement plans that create sustainability and wholeness.

COMMUNITY

The Open Table process is the catalyst for the deployment of a Missional Community committed to the transformation of a family or individual in poverty. However, the servants themselves are often the most transformed. When the Open Table process is complete, these Missional Communities, having brought each other through the wilderness of poverty, where they collided with society’s false beliefs about the poor, become a new community in which the family or individual they helped is now unrecognizable from those who did the helping. In many instances, individuals helped in Open Table return as servants helping the next family.

DESCRIPTION

The Open Table model provides faith communities with a proven process to transform individuals and families in poverty. With the model and training, congregation members invest their life and vocational experiences, networks and ability to navigate the community in a person or family in poverty. These strengths combine with those from partners in government, business, psychology, social work and other disciplines. This shared purpose collaboration builds encouraging and accountable partnerships with people in poverty that create transformation.

Open Table began its innovative program in 2005 when it developed a faith-based, volunteer-led process to restore one Phoenix homeless man to wholeness. The process was a success, and interest in the “Table” model grew until Open Table became a 501(c)(3) organization in 2007. Open Table is a proven, effective, poverty transformation model that provides a restorative path to wholeness and sustainability.

COLLABORATION PARTNERS

With the faith community leadership, the Open Table movement invites community organizations to develop resource-based partnerships around the shared purpose of helping people in poverty restore themselves to sustainability and wholeness in the community.

Following are some examples of Open Table collaborations that create resources:

•  Government: Connections to government resources, including case management, housing, workforce development, vocational training, community navigation and other resources

•  Transitional Organizations: Candidate referrals, training and ongoing table support

•  Behavioral Health: Table member training, candidate assessment model and ongoing behavioral ?support

•  Professionals: Legal, accounting, behavioral health, dentistry, healthcare

•  Local Business: Car repair, employment, child care

•  Non-profits: Wide array of community support areas ?SHARED PURPOSE: FAITH-GOVERNMENT-UNIVERSITIES ADOPT THE OPEN TABLE MODEL

In Maryland, Open Table is collaborating with faith communities and Rural CARES, a regional System of Care Collaborative funded by a federal grant from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), on the Eastern Shore to implement an Open Table demonstration project for caregivers of youth with serious mental health needs who are in, or at risk of entering, the child welfare system. Through Coordination, Advocacy, Resources, Education, and Support, Rural CARES promotes wellness among youth and families who experience emotional, social, and behavioral challenges. Project management for Rural CARES is, provided by The Institute for Innovation and Implementation, University of Maryland, School of Social Work. Another SAMHSA-funded grant, Maryland CARES, provides the opportunity to test similar innovation in Baltimore City.

MODEL

In Open Table, people in poverty who have the will to improve their lives are empowered through the intensive Table model that can help lift one family at a time to sustainability.

“I feel like I can do anything now, because Open Table made me work for everything I gained.”

Open Table Sister: C.A.R.E. 2009 Research with Arizona State University

The people Open Table helps are called Brothers and Sisters, following Martin Luther King’s vision that “we are inevitably our brother’s keeper because we are our brother’s brother.”

Using the Open Table model and support from the Open Table organization, congregations recruit volunteers who are trained to launch “Tables.” A Table is the platform through which our Brothers and Sisters in poverty and congregation members become partners in developing a plan to achieve sustainability and wholeness. Candidates for Tables pass through a psychological assessment and backgrounding process.

Each Table is composed of a group of volunteers that make a year commitment to act as a team of life specialists, encouragers, and advocates for impoverished Brothers, Sisters and families. The Table members, together with the individual or family being helped establish goals, accountability, develop an overall plan and implement it. Table members network in their congregations and the community for resources to support the plan.

“Table members reported that the experience of volunteering for Open Table changed their perception of poverty…” C.A.R.E. 2009 Research with Arizona State University

Each Table is hosted by a congregation or two or more congregations partnered to launch a Table. A required team of volunteers (10-12 people help an adult or family – 6-7 help a young adult aging out of foster care) over an 8 – 12 month period. Tables generally meet once a week for six months and then at a lesser intensity as the work progresses. Table members are generalists, work as teams and also provide leadership for a certain aspect of the plan such as occupation, education, spirituality, health, transportation and other categories.

We can make a difference in the lives of the poor! Let’s take the opportunity to use our resources to effectively change lives!

For more information about this amazing program, contact http://theopentable.org.

 

 

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Have Some Honey! Sweet Psalms

by John Starke
written by John Starke

Modern Christians can be edified when the psalmist expounds on God’s law in Psalm 119 and says that the law is wise, able to keep a man pure, and a fortress. If you want wisdom, purity, and stability, go to God’s law. It’s all there.

But we get confused when the psalmist calls the law “sweet like honey” (Psalm 119:103). Elsewhere the psalmist says that if he did not delight in the law, he would have perished in his misery (Psalm 119:92). In Psalm 19, the psalmist again calls the law “sweeter than honey” and “more to be desired than fine gold” (Psalm 19:10). Even C. S. Lewis wrote in his Reflections on the Psalms, “I can understand that a man can, and must, respect these ‘statutes,’ and try to obey them, and assent to them in his heart. But it is very difficult to find how they could be, so to speak, delicious, how they exhilarate.”

So how does Lewis answer? He says, “Their delight in the law is a delight in having touched firmness; like the pedestrian’s delight in feeling the hard road beneath his feet after a false short cut has long entangled him in muddy fields.” Lewis contemplates what happened when a Jew compared his worship to neighboring paganism:

When he thought of sacred prostitution, sacred sodomy, and the babies being thrown into the fire for Moloch, his own “law” as he turned to it must have shone with extraordinary radiance. Sweeter than honey; or . . . like mountain water, like fresh air after a dungeon, like sanity after a nightmare.

As usual, Lewis gives us some insight. But I’m not sure he gets to the heart of the psalmist’s delight. It sounds more like Lewis is describing the wisdom of the law over paganism. And the experience he’s describing above looks to be more like relief than the exhilaration the psalmist describes. What if we didn’t have these pagan rituals as a contrast—would we still delight? I think so.

Communion with God

So what is he delighting in?

In one sense, Lewis is right to point out the experiential side of the psalmist’ delight. As Jonathan Edwards famously observed, you can believe that honey is sweet intellectually, but you cannot sense its sweetness until you taste it. For the psalmist, doing the law has proven satisfying, because over and over in the Bible we see that obedience is not a cold exercise but a form of communion with God.

David, in Psalm 32, described the misery of unrepentant sin as his bones wasting away (Psalm 32:3). His energy was dried up as he felt God’s displeasure. But conversely in Proverbs 3:7-8, we read, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” More examples could be given, but Jesus gives us clarity in the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Holiness brings happiness because it creates a clearer vision of the fullness of God. Obedience clears our palette, so to speak, of the deceitfulness of sin. We cannot taste and see the goodness of the Lord if we are satisfying our sinful cravings. Sin is deceitful (Heb. 3:13), veiling our vision of Christ. It magnifies idols and self rather than Christ, who through the Holy Spirit, transforms us into his image from one degree of glory to the next (2 Cor. 3:18; 1 John 3:2-3).

Acid Test

The acid test of this delight comes when obedience meets suffering. And the clearest example is Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane as he staggered at the terror of the coming cup, even sweating blood (Luke 22:44). William Lane vividly describes Christ’s agony: His “dreadful sorrow and anxiety is the horror of the One who lives wholly for the Father and when he came to be with the Father for the interlude before his betrayal he found hell rather than heaven opened before him, and he staggered and tore at his breast.”

Yet when Jesus prayed to the Father for the cup to pass, his question was clothed not so much with the desire for things to be different, but in his desire for God’s will: “If you are willing. . . . Nevertheless, not my will, but yours.” He could accept God’s will in the face of agony and despair because it was his Father’s will. Jesus had said that obeying his Father’s will was his food (John 4:34), his meat and drink. Obedience satisfied his deepest hunger pangs. In the garden, nothing horrified Jesus more than the coming cup, but nothing satisfied him more than doing the Father’s will.

When God asked Abraham to sacrifice his beloved son in Genesis 23, Abraham said to Isaac going up the mountain, “God will provide a sacrifice,” possibly saying to himself, There must be another way! And there was. God provided a way. But when Jesus prayed, “Could there be another way?” there was not.

For Christians throughout history who have been led intro trouble and suffering for their obedience, this truth opens to us like a medicine chest, because Jesus’ obedience is not merely an example. If Jesus was just an example of obedience for us, then he’d be just another law to crush us. But for the broken-hearted, troubled, and suffering, Jesus’ obedience reminds us that when we are suffering, our prayers aren’t answered, or we’re tempted to feel abandoned by God, we know that if he didn’t abandon us in the garden, under those circumstances, he will not abandon us now.

Jesus followed the will of his Father and experienced bitterness so that when you follow the will of God, you can experience sweetness.

When you see that kind of love, you realize it’s what you’ve been waiting for all your life. Family, friends, spouses, and professional recognition never satisfy like this. All other loves will let you down—this will not. Obedience is never just choosing right over wrong; it’s choosing to be satisfied with God over something else. If obedience is merely an ethical choice, you’re doing it wrong.

When you see this love, you can trust the Father, obey him, and follow him, even when he leads you through suffering. Because to obey him means to be near him, to see him—which is sweeter than honey.

John Starke is an editor for The Gospel Coalition and lead pastor of All Souls Church in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. You can follow him on Twitter.

www.thegospelcoalition.org. Used by permission.

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Christianity Has an Image Problem

by Gabe Lyons
written by Gabe Lyons

SIX MAJOR PERCEPTIONS

This Short explores the top six major perceptions revealed from our research and the most common points of skepticism and objections raised by outsiders.

Those six major perceptions are as follows:

1. HYPOCRITICAL

Outsiders consider us hypocritical — saying one thing and doing another — and they are skeptical of our morally superior attitudes. Whether we like it or not, the term “hypocritical” has become fused to young people’s experience with Christianity. Eighty-five percent of young outsiders have had sufficient exposure to Christians and churches and they conclude present-day Christianity is hypocritical. They say Christians pretend to be something unreal, conveying a polished image that is not accurate. We are not known for the depth of our transparency, for digging in and solving deep-seated problems, but for trying to project an unchristian picture of having it all together.

A significant antidote to hypocrisy (in addition to integrity and purity) is transparency. On one level, hypocrisy is failing to acknowledge the inconsistencies in our life. It is denial. It is, as the Bible describes it, trying to remove a speck from someone else’s eye when you have a log in your own. Living with integrity starts with being transparent.

Young people talk these days about the need for authenticity, for “keepin’ it real” — not pretending to be something you are not, being open about your faults. Young people are searching for this type of person, this kind of lifestyle. In one survey we found that “doing what you say you are going to do” was among the characteristics young people most admired.

Does your life point people to a life in Christ that bursts with freedom to love, restoration, purity, and transparency? Or are you burying people — insiders and outsiders — under the weight of a self-righteous life?

2. TOO FOCUSED ON GETTING CONVERTS

Outsiders wonder if we genuinely care about them. Even if our intentions seem pure to us, outsiders often feel targeted, that we merely want another church member or a new notch in the “getsaved” belt. While we are trying to convey the most important message in human history — that Jesus offers a new life through faith in him — something gets lost in translation.

Statistics that reinforce this perception: only one out of seven outsiders describes Christianity as something that seems genuine and real; and just one-third believes that Christians show genuine interest in them. To change the perception that we are focused only on converts, we have to embrace a more holistic idea of what it means to be a Christ follower. This requires us to focus our attention on spiritual transformation. Most people do not have a clear sense of what spiritual transformation is or what it should look like. This is partly understandable because it is an elusive topic. By definition, spiritual formation is about depth rather than simplistic formulas. Yet it is hard to pursue something that is not defined.

According to Dave Kinnaman, One way of looking at spiritual formation, though certainly not the only way, is to examine the passions that should define a Christ follower.

“In our work at Barna, we examine these seven elements:

  1. worshiping God intimately and passionately
  2. engaging in spiritual friendships with other believers
  3. pursuing faith in the context of family
  4. embracing intentional forms of spiritual growth
  5. serving others
  6. investing time and resources in spiritual pursuits
  7. having faith-based conversations with outsiders

The truth is that when a person makes a commitment to Christ, it is just the first step into a much larger reality. When people become Christians, we must describe appropriate expectations for them; engage them in significant, accountable relationships; and fashion environments where deep life change can take place. How well does your life and ministry embrace this perspective? Are you focused on scoring converts or making disciples?”

3. ANTI-GAY

In our research, the perception that Christians are “against” gays and lesbians ( or any LGBTQ+ persons_ — not only objecting to their lifestyles but also harboring irrational fear and unmerited scorn toward them — has reached critical mass. The gay issue has become the “big one,” the negative image most likely to be intertwined with Christianity’s reputation. It is also the dimension that most clearly demonstrates the unChristian faith to young people today, surfacing a spate of negative perceptions: judgmental, bigoted, sheltered, right-wingers, hypocritical, insincere, and uncaring. Outsiders say our hostility toward gays — not just opposition to homosexual politics and behaviors but disdain for gay individuals — has become virtually synonymous with the Christian faith.

Out of twenty attributes that we assessed, both positive and negative, as they related to Christianity, the perception of being anti-gay was at the top of the list. More than nine out of ten Mosaic and Buster outsiders (91 percent) said “antihomosexual” accurately describes present-day Christianity. And two-thirds of outsiders have very strong opinions about Christians in this regard, easily generating the largest group of vocal critics. When you introduce yourself as a Christian to a friend, neighbor, or business associate who is an outsider, you might as well have it tattooed on your arm: gay-hater, homophobic. I doubt you think of yourself in these terms, but that’s what outsiders think of you. Our biblical stance must be uncompromizing, but our awareness of how we are perceived and how we minister must be effectively addressed.

The central teaching of the Bible, however, is that all sin is, at its core, rebellion against God. No one sin is worse than another. Pastor Shayne Wheeler makes this observation: “There is not a special judgment for homosexuals, and there is not a special righteousness for heterosexuals.” Another pastor put it simply: “The struggle of gays in being attracted to the same sex is no different than my struggle in being attracted to the opposite sex.”

We are all sinners. No one is any more likely or less likely to receive God’s free gift of grace. All have fallen short of God’s standards. The Bible says while we were still enemies of God, he made peace with us through the cross (Rom. 5:19). Because he loved the world, he sent his Son to die (John 3:16). Everything hinges on what a person decides to do with Jesus — commit to him or reject him. Regardless of the sin we commit, he still loves us. If this is true for you and me, then it’s true for the homosexual as well.

Let me drive this point home as it relates to homosexuality. It’s true that sexual sins are particularly destructive in people’s lives, but this is true of all sexual sin. And frankly, when we recognize this, it should engage our concern and compassion on the issue of homosexuality even more.

Christians, and particularly evangelicals, have relied primarily on two methods of dealing with the threats they perceive from the homosexual community: preaching and politics. Over the last twenty years or so, there has been a substantial increase in the percentage of churchgoers who have heard a sermon about homosexuality, with more than two thirds of attendees in evangelical churches recalling such sermons. The second solution has been political engagement. Among those born-again Christians who have cast a ballot concerning same-sex marriage, nearly nine out of ten recall voting against it.

Most revealing, perhaps, is the comparative absence in the Christian community of any other approaches to addressing homosexuality. Although most Christians say they are concerned about homosexual lifestyles, just 4 percent of Americans (and 10 percent of born again Christians) say they have engaged in any other nonpolitical means of addressing what they perceive to be a problem. Only one percent of Americans say they pray for homosexuals; a similarly miniscule proportion say they address the issue by donating money to organizations that help people dealing with the lifestyle or that they try to have meaningful discussions with people about it. This information was derived from a random, representative sample of 1,007 adults, among whom more than 600 said that the homosexual lifestyle is a problem facing America. As people described what they thought would help, just one respondent offered the word love as a potential solution. One other survey participant suggested, “being sympathetic.” Simply put, Christians think there is a problem but have no idea what to do besides voting and listening to sermons about it.

The biblical response to homosexuals should be to deal with the fundamental needs that all men and women have. We must acknowledge that everyone, regardless of age and history, has sexual baggage but also has the potential for sexual wholeness.

Develop a process within your church or within your life that allows people to work through sexual issues in a context of accountability, respect, and transparency.

Life is not about easy answers, even if God is predictable in his moral character. How well are you dealing with the best and worst aspects of human sexuality? How are you dealing with the complexities of sexuality in your life and those of others?

4. SHELTERED

Boring. Old-fashioned. Unintelligent. Confusing.

Outsiders think Christianity is out of tune with the real-world choices, challenges, and lifestyles they face. Only one-fifth of young outsiders believe that an active faith helps people live a better, more fulfilling life. Three-quarters of Mosaics and Busters outside the church said that present-day Christianity could accurately be described as oldfashioned, and seven out of ten believe the faith is out of touch with reality and confusing.

Many outsiders believe Christianity insulates people from thinking. Often young people (including many insiders) doubt that Christianity boosts intellect. Outsiders describe Christians as living in their own world. Even though outsiders generally have friends who are Christians, one of their complaints is that Christians are not speaking on the same level as everyone else. Nearly one-quarter describe Christians as using special words and phrases no one else can understand. And half of all young outsiders said that Christianity seems like a club only certain people can join.

Being perceived as sheltered makes Christians seem aloof and insulated.

We are responsible to engage the world. Jesus uses many metaphors for this. We are the light of the world (that is, we offer guidance that points people to restoration); we are the salt of the earth (we help preserve people); and we are a city on a hill (we offer protection and hope for people) (see Matt. 5:13–16). Yet calling ourselves Christians does not mean that guiding, preserving, or protecting are easy and automatic. It’s not easy but it is our duty to help remedy a broken world, and this takes effort. Our responsibility is to embrace this task with humility and energy, without expecting the world to come to our doorstep.

The lion’s den made Daniel famous, but it wasn’t just his being in the right place at the right time that determined his place in history. He was prepared. As a young man, Daniel had significant characteristics and readiness that enabled his rise to prominence. He was “showing aptitude for every kind of learning, well informed, quick to understand, and qualified to serve in the king’s palace” (Dan. 1:4 NIV). He grew up in a Babylonian kingdom that was rebellious to God and self-indulgent (sound like America today?). But Daniel didn’t hole up in his spirituality. He learned what lessons he could from an impure society, and through his abilities and his faithfulness to God, he became influential, eventually administrating much of the Babylonian empire.

When Christians shelter themselves, letting “someone else” answer the world’s doubts and address its problems, they abdicate their biblical role to be spiritual influencers. It is incumbent on us to develop our hearts and minds so that we can fulfill our destiny as agents of spiritual, moral, and cultural transformation. When you see a broken and offensive world, are you provoked to do something to remedy those spiritual and moral fractures? Or do you run and hide?

5. TOO POLITICAL

Another common perception of Christians is that we are overly motivated by a political agenda, that we promote and represent politically conservative interests and issues. Conservative Christians are often thought of as right-wingers.

My goal is not to suggest that Christians should neglect or ignore politics. The political arena is a crucial setting for influencing culture and an important domain for expressing a Christian worldview. On the other hand, we must not be defensive or dismissive about this issue.

Christians need to be aware of their reputation in this arena, not only because it influences their political engagement, but because it affects their ability to connect with new generations who are innately skeptical of people who appear to use political power to protect their interests and viewpoints. This perception may not always be accurate, but it contributes to outsiders’ mistrust of Christians.

You might ask, “Since every group seems to have a political presence and agenda, why should Christians be subject to special criticism?” “Are outsiders asking us to stay out of politics?” According to our research, not exactly. Many outsiders clarified that they believe Christians have a right (even an obligation) to pursue political involvement, but they disagree with our methods and our attitudes. They say we seem to be pursuing an agenda that benefits only ourselves; they assert that we expect too much out of politics; they question whether we are motivated by our economic status rather than faith perspectives when we support conservative politics; they claim we act and say things in an unChristian manner; they wonder whether Jesus would use political power as we do; and they are concerned that we overpower the voices of other groups.

How do we overcome the perception that Christians are too political? We do not simply change our principles to accommodate people who disagree with us, but we should be willing to look at ourselves in the light of Jesus. We must ask if our political engagement is Christlike. If we are perceived to be unlike Jesus, in what ways could our politics reflect his life and priorities more clearly?

Possibly you are feeling led to address the rampant access to and use of pornography, issues of justice in the United States or in developing countries, the plight of the poor in our community, educational policy or curricula in our schools, the moral perspectives exhibited in today’s media, the care and nurture of the environment, the need for more Christians to adopt and provide foster care to children in need, exposing more Christians to the international church, increasing awareness of human trafficking around the world. Being involved could range from working for a campaign to serving on the school board. Rather than being known for criticism, let’s learn to step in and work toward a solution for the problems we see.

As the renowned artist Michelangelo said, “Critique by creating.” How could you and your community be creating solutions to deepseated and complex issues?

6. JUDGMENTAL

“You know what really bothered me?” the young woman, Lisa, confessed during a recent interview.

“Well, you’re asking how Christians come across to me. I’ll tell you. A few weeks ago I visited a Christian Bible study at a church. Every once in a while I go because I know a few of the women. You know, I am still trying to figure out this Jesus thing. After the speaker talked for a while, we started a conversation at our table — about eight or nine of us women just chatting away. I was probably the youngest one there, but some of them were about my age. We got along pretty well.”

“So, what happened that bothered you?”

“We were talking about sex, intimacy, and pregnancy, stuff like that. I told them about a friend of mine who was considering an abortion. I told them her entire situation, a twenty-year-old, boyfriend left her. She’s feeling really alone. I made some comment about really empathizing with my friend, that I could understand that abortion might make sense. I guess that shocked them. I know the women there are pro-life and all — I don’t know what I am, pro-life or pro-choice or just myself. But the conversation shifted at that point in a really weird way. Instead of having a dialogue, I was put on the defensive. They were nice enough about it, but the ladies just kept talking at me, trying to fix my attitude about abortion.”

How do non-Christians perceive us? We have to understand their perceptions if we are to reach them with the message of Christ. We must boldly proclaim the truth, but we must do so with understanding and love.

www.qideas.org. Used by permission.

This article was a collaboration between Gabe Lyons and Dave Kinnaman.

Order Unchristian by Gabe Lyons and Dave Kinnaman.

 

http://www.qideas.org/ Used by permission.

 

This article was a collaborative effort with Dave Kinnamen.

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Deep Praying without Words

by Peter Scazzero
written by Peter Scazzero

There are 2 primary ways of praying in the church: kataphatic – prayer that uses words, images,  e.g. Scripture, icons, song, worship and; apophatic – prayer that is beyond words, thoughts and images.

There are many ways of prayer. Centering prayer is only one form, a form of very intimate communion with God.  It goes back to the first century as a central way to enter into the contemplative dimension of life.  It has served many. This may not be for your journey now, but, minimally, see it as an invitation to enter into a deeper relationship with Jesus.

Centering Prayer – Definition:

Centering Payer is wordless union, a state of being in direct contact with God who dwells within us. It is about intention, that is, being totally open to God. It is the boot camp of the Garden of Gethsemane (“not my will, but you will”) as we consent to the presence and the action of God within us.  It is an exercise in letting go. We lay aside every thought, even that of looking for spiritual consolations as we go through the experience of the Song of Songs, experiencing the presence and absence of God

3 Guidelines as you begin your time:

1.     Be in faith and love to God who dwells in the center of your being

2.     Take up a love word towards Him (e.g. Abba, Father, Lord,) and let it be gently   present, supporting your being with God in faith-filled love.

3.     Whenever you become aware of anything, simply gently return to the Lord with the use of your prayer word.

Recommendation is do to this twice a day for twenty minutes while at the same time spending time in Scripture around it.

Characteristics

  • By your willingness to stay at the apophatic at all costs, you are developing a spirit of spiritual non-possessiveness (Matt. 5:3). One great temptation is a sort of spiritual materialism where we want only good feelings. This is a dying to self ,over and over again.
  • During the course of centering prayer, we are slipping in and out of interior silence. By interior silence, we are referring to a state in which we do not become attached to the thoughts as they go by.
  • The prayer is not a conversation in words, but an exchange of hearts.
  • Centering prayer is training in letting go. We listen to God. We listen to His silence. Our only activity is the attention we offer to God as we let go of all thoughts. We rest in God’s arms. It is an exercise in being rather than doing.
  • Purpose of Centering prayer is not to experience peace but to evacuate the unconscious obstacles to the permanent abiding state of union with God.
  • The restructuring of consciousness is the fruit of this regular practice as you slowly become more free from the swings of the false self system.
  • Contemplative Prayer is the school in which we must pass to come to the contemplative state, the means God normally uses to bring people to an abiding state of union.
  • To be on this journey is the greatest contribution we can make to the human family.  As in this prayer, we are developing the capacity to wait upon God with loving attentiveness.

What has been, if any, of the apophatic prayer tradition or centering prayer? How might it fit in with us in the Western church?

The following notes are quotes and insights from my Sabbatical journal. They come from the following three books:  Thomas Keating’s, Open Mind, Open Heart, Cindy Bourgeault’s Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening, and Basil Pennington’s Centered Living.

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14 & Younger: Sexual Behavior of Adolescents

by Josh McDowell
written by Josh McDowell

“Why Care About Sexual Activity Among Young Teenagers?”

Warning: The Information in this article is graphic in nature and is appropriate only for adults, especially pastors, parents and youth leaders.

  • “While the proportion of unmarried teen girls age 15-19 who have had sexual intercourse decreased between 1988 and 1995, the proportion of unmarried teen girls who have had sexual intercourse at 14 and younger increased appreciably during the same time period (Terry & Manlove, 2000).”
  • “A recent national survey found that the younger a girl was the first time she had sex, the more likely it was to have been unwanted (Moore, Driscoll, & Lindberg, 1998).”
  • “A 2002 public opinion poll found that 81% of sexually experienced youth age 12-14 wish they had waited longer to have sex, compared to 55% of sexually experienced 15- to 19-year-olds (The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2002).”
  • “Based on data collected (1996-1997) in seven cities as part of an evaluation of the Children’s Aid Society (CAS)-Carrera program.  It is one of the few surveys that have asked youth in this age group about or anal sex.  Such data are important because there is some concern – and some evidence – that adolescents are increasingly engaged in such behaviors (Remez, 2000).”

 

“Nearly one in five adolescents has had sex before his or her 15th birthday.”

“The National Picture”

“Estimates from the three nationally representative data sets of the proportion of youth who have had sex at age 14 or younger are remarkably similar.  Overall, these data indicate that 18-19% of youth have had sexual intercourse at age 14 or younger.  Percentages increase with age – at age 12, 4-5% have had sex, increasing to 10% at age 13, and 18-19% at age 14.  Boys are more likely than girls to have had sex at an early age.  At age 12, 2-4% of girls and 6-8% of boys were sexually experienced.  At age 14, 14-20% of girls and 20-22% of boys were sexually experienced.”

“Results in a Box”

“Sexual Experience”

  • “Approximately one in five adolescents has had sexual intercourse before his or her 15th birthday.”
  • “Boys age 14 and younger are slightly more likely to have had sex than girls the same age.”

“Frequency of Sex”

  • “A substantial proportion of teens age 14 and younger who have had sex are not currently sexually active.”
  • “According to one of the national surveys (NLSY), approximately half of sexually experienced 14-year-olds have had sex 0-2 times in the past 12 months.”

“Pregnancy”

  • “Approximately one in seven sexually experienced 14-year-old girls reports having been pregnant.”

“Dating”

  • “A significant proportion of those age 12-14 report having been on a date (two-fifths in the NLSY survey) or having a romantic relationship in the past 18 months (half in Add Health).
  • “Significant minorities of youth age 14 and under report a romantic relationship with someone three or more years older (girls far more than boys).”
  • “Relationships with a significantly older partner – compared with those with someone only slightly older, the same age, or younger – are much more likely to be sexual.”

“Pressure”

  • “More than one in ten girls who first have had sex before age 15 describe it as non-voluntary and many more describe it as relatively unwanted.”

“Other Risky Behavior”

  • “Sexually experienced youth age 14 and younger are much more likely to smoke, use drugs and alcohol, and participate in delinquent activities than youth who have not had sex.”

“Parents”

  • “In general, parents report talking a moderate amount with their children age 12-14 about sex and related issues, although their children recall less communication than the parents claim.”
  • “Parents are more likely to have spoken with their daughters than with their sons about sex and related issues.”
  • “Parents tend to be unaware of what their children are actually doing sexually – only about a third of parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds know that their child has had sex.”

“Romantic relationship with older partners were much more likely to include intercourse – 13% of relationships between same age partners included intercourse, compared to 26% of relationships with a partner who was 2 years older, 33% of relationships with a partner who was 3 years older, and 47% of relationships with a partner who was 4 or more years older.  In the NSFG, only 8% of girls who first had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger did so with a partner who was the same age or younger, compared to 24% of girls who first had sex at age 15 or older.  One in six girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger reported that her first partner was 5 or more years older.”

“Add Health also makes clear that, overall, the romantic relationships of young adolescents are of relatively short duration.  For example, 25% of relationships among youth age 12-14 ended after 3 months, 50% ended after 6 months, and 75% ended after 15 months.  On the other hand, sexual romantic relationships in this age group tended to be of longer durations than non-sexual ones; a quarter lasted two years or longer.  Over a quarter of sexually experienced youth age 12-14 (27%) also reported multiple recent sexual partners in the past 18 months, which implies, among other things, an increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).”

“Additional Information from Local Data”

“Among 14-year-olds, 30% of girls and 73% of boys whose oldest ‘serious boyfriend or girlfriend’ was 2 or more years older were sexually experienced, compared to 13% of girls and 29% of guys whole oldest partner was no more than one year older.”

“Many young adolescents experience pressure to have sex.”

“Thirteen percent of girls in the NSFG who first had sex at age 14 or younger described it as nonvoluntary, clearly a cause for concern.  Even among those who classified their first sexual experience as voluntary, girls who had sex at age 14 or younger were significantly more likely to say that it was relatively unwanted, compared to girls who had sex for the first time at age 15 or older.”

“Additional Information from Local Data”

“The questions in Draw the Line about the acceptability of sexual pressure found that a substantial proportion of youth feel it’s ‘okay’ for someone to pressure a partner for sex if the couple has had sex before.  Boys were much more likely to think so than girls: for example, 34% of boys thought it would be okay for a boy to pressure a girl to have sex if they had had sex before, while only 14% of girls thought that such pressure would be okay.  Boys were more likely to agree that it is okay for a girl to pressure for sex than for a boy to pressure (34% agreed that it is okay for boys to pressure vs. 42% who agreed that it is okay for girls to pressure).  Girls, on the other hand, were equally as likely to agree that either boys or girls can pressure a partner for sex (14% said it is okay for boys to pressure and 15% said it is okay for girls to pressure).”

“Sexually experienced young adolescents are also engaging in other risky behavior.”

“Seven percent of youth used alcohol the first time they had sex, and 6% used alcohol the most recent time they had sex.”

“17% of girls and 11% of boys age 14 and younger said that, because of alcohol, they had been in a sexual situation they later regretted.”

“These data sets do no shed much light on the extent to which young adolescents are engaging in oral sex and other sexual behavior.”

“The National Picture”

“In the Add Health survey, 12% of virgins age 12-14 reported that a relationship in the past 18 months included ‘touching under clothes,’ and 6% of virgins age 12-14 reported that touching genital occurred within at least one of their recent romantic relationships.  But neither Add Health nor the other two nationally representative surveys included questions specifically asking youth age 14 and under about oral and anal sex.”

“Numerous recent media reports have suggested that teens – including young adolescents – are increasingly having oral and/or anal sex, perhaps as a substitute for vaginal intercourse.”

“Young adolescents don’t seem to know a lot about sex.”

“Additional Information from Local Data”

“The Draw the Line survey confirmed that young teens are often poorly informed about sex.  For example, about half of 14-year-olds (boys and girls) believed it is illegal for youth under 16 to buy condoms (it is not). About 20% of youth age 12-14 erroneously believed that ‘you could tell if a person has HIV/AIDS by looking at him/her.’  Nearly four out of ten (39%) 14-year-old boys and half (51%) of 14-year-old girls agreed with the statement, ‘most teens your age are having sex,’ even though, as noted earlier, only a minority are.”

“Parents and youth give mixed reports about family communication about sex, and seem to have misperceptions about each other’s attitudes and behaviors.”
“The National Picture”

“Parents in the Add Health survey generally rejected numerous reasons thought to explain why they might not speak with their child about sex, such as feeling that they don’t know enough, that the child would be embarrassed, that it would only encourage the child to have sex, or that parents don’t need to talk to their children because the children will get the information they need elsewhere.”

“Parents surveyed by Add Health also tended to be unaware of what their children were actually doing sexually – only 30% of the parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds believed their child had had sexual intercourse.  This percentage was slightly higher for parents of girls (36%) than it was for parents of boys (25%).”

“One local data set suggests that many young adolescents have ample opportunities to have sex, and many report willingness to have sex.”

“A third of 12-year-olds reported that they had attended a party in the previous three months where no adults were in the house.  By age 14, this percentage increased to 51% of boys and 42% for girls.  Thirty-eight percent of 14-year-old boys and 30% of 14-year-olds girls said that in the past three months they had been alone lying on a couch or bed with ‘someone they liked.’”

“Many boys, and some girls, in the Draw the Line data set expressed interest in having sex ‘at this time in their lives.’ The proportion of boys who said they would have sex with someone they like very much if they had the opportunity increased from 19% at age 12 to 42% at age 14 (comparable statistics for girls were 5% at age 12 and 8% at age 14).  Thirty-six percent of 14-year-old boys and 18% of 14-year-old girls said they would consider having sex if they had a boyfriend or girlfriend they loved.  About one-third of 14-year-old boys said they would have sex because of curiosity and an equal proportion said they would do so to ‘satisfy my sexual desires.’ Of those girls who would have sex if the opportunity arose, the top tree reasons
(of seven offered) that they would consider having sex were similar to the boys – 18% would do so with a boyfriend they loved, 12% would do so to satisfy curiosity, and 12% would do so because of sexual desire.”

“Significant proportions of youth surveyed as part of the Draw the Line/Respect the Line evaluation perceived that people in their lives would be accepting, if not approving, of their having sex.  Half of boys and a third of girls age 14 said that the majority of their friends think it’s acceptable for people their age to have sex with a serious boyfriend or girlfriend.  About half of 14-year-olds (boys and girls) agreed that boys are more popular if they have sex; 36% of boys and 20% or girls age 14 thought that girls are also more popular if they have sex.  Virtually no girls thought their parents would approved of them having sex at this time in their lives, but by age 14, 21% of boys thought their fathers would think it was okay and 15% thought that their mothers would think it was okay.”

“Implications”

“There is good reason to be concerned about youth who begin having sex at an early age. Youth who have sex at an early age seem to be different from those who do not, both in their sexual behavior and in other areas as well. Early first sexual experiences for girls are more likely to be unwanted, compared to girls who have sex at age 15 or older, and these first sexual relationships end more quickly. Youth age 14 and younger who are sexually experienced are much more likely than peers who have not had sex to use drugs and alcohol and to engage in delinquent behavior; that is, such behaviors often occur together. Over the longer term, girls who begin having sex at age 14 or younger will likely have more sexual partners and an increased ris of teen pregnancy, contracting an STD, and dropping out of school. Although early sexual
activity in and of itself may not ‘cause’ these outcomes, it does appear to be an early and important warning sign of risk.”

“Parents should be concerned about their young teenagers dating, in general, and very cautious about letting their children date someone much older, in particular. One of the most striking and clear findings from this collected research is the great risk inherent in young teens dating older partners. Parents clearly need to discourage early dating, in general, as well as dating older partners specifically, both of which greatly increase the chances of having sex. Although most sexual activity among young teens is voluntary, there is evidence from small area studies that some young teens, like older teens, can get into situations where they feel sexual pressure or coercion. By virtue of their young age, however, they may be less able to handle these situations effectively than older teens. Such data suggest that teaching middle school youth about how to resist and manage sexual pressure is appropriate. Another clear message is that supervising the social behavior of young teens remains important. Parents and other responsible adults need to know where their children are, what they are doing, and with whom. As noted earlier, one small area study found that fully one-third of 12-year-olds and almost half of 14-year-olds (51% of boys and 42% of girls) report that they have been at a party where there were no adults in the house.”

“It’s important to add that simple communication between parents and children about sex does not necessarily reduce the chances of early sexual activity. For example, recent research has highlighted the importance of overall closeness between parents and teens, more than specific discussion of sex, as being especially protective (Blum, 2002).”

“PART ONE:  PAPERS FROM NATIONALLY REPRESENTATIVE DATA SETS”

“CHAPTER ONE:  DATING AND SEXUAL EXPERIENCES AMONG MIDDLE SCHOOL YOUTH: ANALYSES OF THE NLSY97”

“What is typical dating behavior among early adolescents?”

“Forty-two percent of teens reported that they had ever gone on an unsupervised date with a person of the opposite sex at the time of the 1997 survey.”

“Black youth were the least likely to report having ever dated (34% compared with 41-44% for other racial/ethnic groups).  Non-Hispanic Whites who had ever dated were more likely to date relatively frequently – 28% dated once a month or more, compared to 22% of Blacks and 18% of Hispanics.  However, age at first date did not differ significantly by race/ethnicity.”

“What proportion of 12-14-year-olds had sex before age 15?”

“Among adolescents whose mothers had higher educational attainment (defined as greater than high school), 15% had sexual intercourse before age 15, compared with 24% of adolescents whose mothers completed only a high school education or less.”

“Among boys with mothers who had a high school education or less, Black males were most likely to be sexually experienced before age 15 (50%), followed by Hispanic males (29%), and Non-Hispanic White males (22%).”

“CHAPTER TWO: DATING BEHAVIOR AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY OF YOUNG ADOLESCENTS: ANALYSES OF THE NATIONAL LONGITUDINAL STUDY OF ADOLESCENT HEALTH”

“Sexual experience, contraceptive use, and pregnancy – this survey finds that:”

  • “20% of boys, 14% of girls, and 18% of the entire sample report that they became sexually experienced at age 14 or younger.”
  • “60% of boys, 54% of girls, and 57% of the entire sample of 12-14-year-olds reported that they used contraception at first sex.”
  • “9% of sexually experienced girls under 15 reported having been pregnant.”

“What is typical dating behavior among young adolescents?”

“Overall, about half of the teens in this age group reported a dating relationship (romantic or casual) in the 18 months preceding the first round of in-home interviews. The proportion increased with age.  At age 12, 39% of teens reported such a relationship, increasing to 56% at age 14.  Girls were less likely to report such a relationship than boys, especially at younger ages; at age 12, 46% of boys but only 35% of girls reported a dating relationship.  By age 14, boys and girls were equally likely to do so (56%).  Virgins were somewhat less likely to report a relationship (44%).  Differences between virgins and sexually experienced teens in a dating experience were more pronounced among boys – only 40% of male virgins reported a dating relationship at age 12, compared to 46% of all males.  The difference was smaller for girls (32% compared to 35% at age 12).”

“The greater the age difference between the partners, the more likely that sex occurred in the relationship.  Only 13% of relationships between same-age partners were sexual.  By contrast, 26% of the relationships in which an adolescent’s partner was 2 years older were sexual.  The proportion increased to 33% for partners who were 3 years older.  Where partners of young adolescents were 4 or more years older, almost half of all relationships were sexual.”

“What proportion of 12- to 14-year-olds have had sex?”

“Overall, 18% of adolescents reported having had sex at age 14 or younger, boys (at 20%) somewhat more than girls (at 14%). Sexual experience increased with age: 14-year-old boys were more than twice as likely to be sexually experienced as 12-year-old boys (8% compared to 20%); 14-year-old girls were seven times more likely to be sexually experienced as 12-year-old girls (14% compared to 2%). At age 12, boys were four times more likely to report intercourse than girls (8% compared to 2%). After age 13, though, girls began to catch up with the
behavior of boys their same age.”

“One third (34%) of Black adolescents age 12-14 were sexually experienced, compared to 14% of Whites the same age.  Black males were three times more likely to be sexually experienced than White
males (45% compared to 15%). Nineteen percent of all Hispanics 12-14 reported that they had had sex and 9% of Asian teens (boys and girls) reported sexual experience in this age group.“CHAPTER THREE: SEXUAL ACTIVITY AMONG GIRLS UNDER AGE 15: FINDINGS FROM THE NATIONAL SURVEY OF FAMILY GROWTH”

“Sexual experience, contraceptive use, and pregnancy – this study finds:”

  • “20% of girls report that they became sexually experienced at age 14 or younger.”
  • “72% of girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger report that they used contraceptives at first sex.”
  • “15% of girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger report being pregnant before turning 15.”

“How common is sexual activity among girls age 14 and younger?”

“One in five teen girls (20%) report having had sex at age 14 or younger.  Of those who first had sex at age 14 or younger, about half did so when 14 years old, the other half when 13 or younger.”

“Among the three largest racial/ethnic groups, sex at age 14 or younger is most common among non-Hispanic Black adolescents (31%) and least common among non-Hispanic White adolescents (17%).  Twenty four percent of Hispanics report having sex at age 14 or younger.”

“What adverse outcomes are associated with becoming sexually active at an early age?”

“First, teens who have sex at an early age are significantly more likely to have reported ever being pregnant (41%) or to have given birth by the time of the NSFG interview (21%), compared to teens who have sex at an
older age (27% and 14%, respectively. It is not clear, however, whether
having sex at an early age in and of itself increases the risk of teen pregnancy or if the two outcomes are correlated because early sex and early pregnancy are both influenced by the same underlying risk factors, perhaps family dysfunction or a propensity to choose ‘risky’ romantic partners.”

“Girls whose first voluntary sex was at 14 or younger had more lifetime sexual partners, on average, than girls whose first voluntary sex was at age 15 or older (4.7 versus 2.5 ), were less likely to have had only one partner (20% versus 46%) and more likely to have had between 3 and 5 partners (36% versus 21%) or 6 or more partners (25% versus 9%). Because the two groups of teens had the same average number of partners per year of sexual activity (1.3), it appears that the increased average number of lifetime sexual partners lies solely in beginning sexual activity at an early age.”

“Finally, girls who had first sex at age 14 or younger had worse educational outcomes by the time of the interview. They were twice
as likely to have dropped out of school – 20% of girls whose first voluntary sex was before age 15 had dropped out of school by the interview, versus 10% of girls who had sex for the first time at age 15 or older.”

“PART TWO: PAPERS FROM SMALL AREA DATA SETS”

“CHAPTER FOUR: THE DEVELOPMENT OF SEX-RELATED KNOWLEDGE, ATTITUDES, PERCEIVED NORMS, AND BEHAVIORS IN A LONGITUDINAL COHORT OF MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN”

“What do youth believe their peers are doing?”

“Nearly half of the 14-year-old boys and three-fourths of the 14-year-old girls thought that most teen who have sex wish they had waited until they were older.”

“What reasons do youth endorse for not having sex?”

“Given that youth seem to have opportunities that could lead to sex, it is important to assess what might stop them from having sex.  Students were given a list of reasons for not having sex and asked to respond whether each reason was true for them or not.  Fewer boys than girls endorsed each reason regardless of their age, but ‘not wanting to get AIDS or other diseases you can get from sex’ remained the most commonly noted reason for most youth across all ages.  Other major reasons included: not wanting a baby, parental anger, and being too young to have sex.”

“As boys grew older, not wanting to get diseases, not wanting a baby, parental anger, and being too young to have sex remained the primary reasons for not having sex.  However, by age 14, disease and pregnancy prevention seemed the most important, while less than two-thirds were concerned about parental anger and less than half believed they were too young to have sex.”

“Girls showed a similar pattern in terms of the most important reasons not to have sex, but in higher proportion.  Nearly nine out of every ten 12-year-old girls selected: not wanting to get AIDS or other diseases, not wanting a baby, parental anger and being too young as reasons not to have sex.”

“By age 14, 94% of girls reported not wanting to get sexually transmitted diseases and 93% reported not wanting a baby as reasons for not having sex.  Parental anger (77%) and being too young (72%) also continued to be important reasons not to have sex as girls aged.”

“What reasons do youth say motivate them to have sex?”

“The top three reasons that most motivated youth to have sex were love, curiosity, and desire.”

“Reasons to have sex, particularly among boys, included curiosity, love, and desire.”

“CHAPTER FIVE: YOUTH WITH OLDER BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS: ASSOCIATIONS WITH SEXUAL RISK”

“Are youth with an older boyfriend or girlfriend more likely to ever have had sex?”

“More than 40% of 13-year-old boys and 70% of 14-year-old boys with a girlfriend two or more years older reported being sexually experienced, compared to less than 18% of 13-year-olds and 29% of 14-year-olds with a same-age girlfriend.  Among 14-year-old boys, those with older girlfriends were more than 14 times more likely to have had sex than those boys with no girlfriend.  The same pattern holds for girls: One-fifth to one-third of girls 12-14 year old with an older boyfriend reported having had sex, compared to 6% to 13% of girls with a ‘same age’ boyfriend.  For each age group, girls with older boyfriends were roughly ten times more likely to have had sex than girls with no boyfriend.  Although boys are less likely to have an older partner than girls, if they do, they are more likely to have had sex.”

“Why are youth with an older boyfriend or girlfriend more likely to have had sex?”

“It may be because the power differential between an older partner and a younger one can be quite large. Older partners generally have more resources, ‘maturity,’ and status (Phillips, no date; Raymond & Associates, 1996). Also, a young person is at a social and developmental disadvantage when dating someone several years older, making it more difficult to refuse sexual advances. The older partner is more likely to
be sexually experienced than the younger one, and some research suggests that older males may seek out younger partners precisely because they are more able to control the younger partner and their interaction with her (Phillips, n.d.; Raymond & Associates, 1996). Finally, older boyfriends or girlfriends, especially if they have access to automobiles, may provide more opportunities for privacy and, thus, for
sexual activity. On the other hand, even if the young person did not have sex with the older boyfriend or girlfriend, by associating with an older boyfriend or girlfriend, a youth is likely to be exposed to his/her partner’s friends, who are likely to be older. Older youth; in general, are more likely to have had sex and to express positive attitudes toward sex.”

“References”

“Blum, R.W. (2002).  Mothers’ influence on teen sex: Connections that promote postponing sexual intercourse. Center for Adolescent Health and Development.  University of Minnesota.”

“Moore, K.A., Driscoll, A.K., & Lindberg, L.D. (1998). A statistical portrait of adolescent sex, contraception, and childbearing. Washington: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.”

“The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (2002). With one voice 2002: America’s adults and teens sound off about teen pregnancy. [Online]. Available: www.teenpregnancy.org/resources/data/pdf/teenwant.pdf. Washington DC: Author”

“Remez, L. (2000). Oral sex among adolescents: Is it sex or is it abstinence? Family Planning Perspectives, 32(6), 298-304.”

“Terry, E., & Manlove, J. (2000). Trends in sexual activity and contraceptive use among teens.  Washington: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.”

“Phillips, L.M. (n.d.). Unequal partners: Exploring power and consent in adult-teen relationships (Report from phase one of the New Findings, New Approaches: Preventing Adolescent Pregnancy Project). Morristown, NJ: Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey.”

“Raymond & Associates, Inc. (August, 1996).  Teen Partners Study (Final Report).
Rochester, NY: Monroe County.”

(Albert, Bill, Brown, Sarah, Flanigan, Christine M., “14 and Younger: The Sexual Behavior of Young Adolescents,” The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, May 2003)

www.josh.org/resources/research

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Ask Roger

Should Christians Wear Seat Belts? God-Appointed Death?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

 

Are there no accidents in death because God appoints all deaths? And if so, then why should we bother wearing seatbelts?

Sincerely, H

 

Dear H,

 

At first glance, the answer to your question is obvious. Put on your seat belt! But a closer examination reveals a much larger issue: Free Will versus Determinism.

 

When I was about twenty-five I told our congregation that God has determined in advance the coming day of our demise. There is not one thing on earth, I preached, that can take us before our appointed time. If we are in prison for our faith, for example, no one can martyr us before God’s appointed time. If we have cancer, that dread disease will not be allowed to take our lives before God’s ultimate time table for us is played out.

 

I was wrong.

 

“Free Will” is a philosophical term that postulates the freedom of rational people to choose courses of action from among various alternatives.

 

Theological determinism is the idea that there is a god who determines all that humans will do, either by knowing their actions in advance, via some form of omniscience or by decreeing their actions in advance. From this perspective, actions cannot be free because God has determined them before hand and they cannot be changed.

 

It is possible to take the view that anything that happens on earth must be God’s will—otherwise, it could not have happened. This is determinism. On the other hand, it is possible to take the theological view that because the world is a broken and fallen world, God’s will can be thwarted by any number of things, including our own choices.

 

The idea that God is deterministic means that it doesn’t matter whether you wear a seatbelt or not, if today is our God-appointed day to die, we will die today. If not, even the most horrendous accident can’t claim our lives. The idea that we have free will means that anything can happen, nothing is already “written” or determined. Therefore, we ought to buckle up our seat belts.

 

There is a difference between God knowing in advance what will happen (omniscience) as opposed to making it happen (determinism) or just allowing it to happen.

 

From a theological viewpoint, very few things on earth are bound to happen because God determined them. For example, God never intended for Adam to eat the forbidden fruit. Adam made that choice on his own (with Eve’s help, of course).

 

God never intended for Genesis 6:5-6 to occur.

 

Genesis 6:5-6: The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.

 

Nothing was determined here. Mankind was free to make evil choices; and, what they chose broke God’s heart.

 

We cannot extend the days God has appointed for us (Psalm 139:16); but we certainly can shorten them—or, they can be shortened for us by others.

 

Psalm 139:16: “Your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.”

 

While there is no doubt that God has a “Plan A” for each of us, there is no guarantee that “Plan A” will be fulfilled exactly as God imagines it.

 

Accidental deaths occur because we live in a fallen world. Many things happen that are not God’s will because of the free-will choices (are they really free?) that we make. Too many people, because of carelessness, theirs or others, enter into God’s presence before their appointed time.

 

Christians who choose to place themselves in the way of physical harm can’t claim that God has promised to protect them in order that “Plan A” will be fulfilled. I’ve met Christian missionaries who have claimed Acts 18:9-11 for their protection in dangerous situations:

 

Acts 18:9-11: One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: “Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.”

 

God promised that protection to Paul; He did not promise it to us.

 

It is wrong for Christians to put themselves in risky situations and justify the risks by saying, “Nothing can take me before my time—or before the time God has planned for me either.” Another term for this is “tempting God”; another way to say this is “presuming on God’s will.”

 

Remember that Satan is now in this world of ours and he is here to “kill, steal and destroy” (John 10:10). The battle in the Heavenlies between God and Satan is often acted out in real earth time. Spiritual warfare praying is more than a suggestion, it is essential (Ephesians 6:10-18).

 

If pre-ordained death days are determined, then there is no need for Christians to wear seat belts. On the other hand, since we live in a fallen world where we have free will, we had best put them on and cinch them up tight!

 

The issue of free will and determinism has perplexed men and women for centuries. Writings from Greek, Roman and Jewish philosophers and both Buddhist and Hindu teachings confirm that free will versus determinism is a hot issue in most all cultures and societies. Philosophers have debated this question for over two millennia, and just about every major philosopher has had something to say about it.

 

While free will seems to me so obviously true, as to not be questioned, this is not the case. Let me just share a few of the subset of areas where philosophers struggle with the issue: biological determinism, genetic determinism, behavioral determinism, cultural determinism, social determinism and environmental determinism.

 

So, at the risk of oversimplification, let me simplify this in a Christian and Biblical context that might give us guidance for the things God does and the choices we make.

 

The reason that the free will—determinism debate matters is that it centers around the issue of moral responsibility. “Am I responsible for my actions or not?” If my actions are determined before hand by God, then I am not responsible for what I do and how I act. If, on the other hand, I have free will, then, of course I am responsible for what I do. I’d better buckle my belt. I am free to die today whether God planned it for today or not.

 

In my opinion there is little room for argument. We all make wrong choices at times. Honestly, we must all admit that none of us are living out “Plan A” exactly. In fact, most of us are somewhere on “Plan X Triple Prime!”

 

Have you ever stopped to consider that even God is free to change His Own mind?

 

1 Kings 21:17-19: Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite: “Go down to meet Ahab king of Israel, who rules in Samaria. He is now in Naboth’s vineyard, where he has gone to take possession of it. Say to him, ‘This is what the LORD says: Have you not murdered a man and seized his property?’ Then say to him, ‘This is what the LORD says: In the place where dogs licked up Naboth’s blood, dogs will lick up your blood—yes, yours!’”

 

1 Kings 21:27-29: When Ahab heard these words, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and fasted. He lay in sackcloth and went around meekly. Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite: “Have you noticed how Ahab has humbled himself before me? Because he has humbled himself, I will not bring this disaster in his day, but I will bring it on his house in the days of his son.”

 

If God’s actions are not set in stone, then neither are ours. After all, we are made in His image.

 

For me the issue is forever settled by Jesus’ words in John 3:16:

 

John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

 

We are not predetermined to go to Heaven or Hell; but, we have a choice to make. We might say it like this, “Whoever so chooses is free to believe in Jesus and those who do believe are determined to receive eternal life.

 

In conclusion, I think a proper understanding of the debate really includes both ends of the spectrum. Our freedom to choose is set in the context that some things are determined by God and will occur whether we choose them or not. Not even the gates of Hell can thwart them.

 

Romans 8:35-39 is theologically determined and we are the better for it:

 

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

 

Well, H, I hope my answer is helpful.

 

Love, Roger

 

[Dear Reader, H and I exchanged several emails over the next several weeks regarding his question. In his last email he wrote, “I guess Ralph should have worn his seatbelt.” Yes, I suppose he should have.]

 

So, put on your seat belt and be careful.

 

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Ask Roger

What Happens When a Church Leader Commits Sexual Sin?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

I am a pastor and just found out that our worship pastor is committing adultery. I have heard through the grapevine that you’ve dealt with this issue on several occasions. This man has a significant following and I am afraid that he will spin his sin in such a way that might split the church and cause much confusion and pain.

As far as I know very few people are aware of his behavior. I want to handle this problem Biblically and properly. I want to keep the residual damage to the church as minimal as possible. Thanks for your help.

Sincerely,

Any Pastor

 

Dear Any Pastor,

 

Unfortunately, you are not the first pastor to face this issue. We all hear stories about how adultery and all kinds of sexual sin leads to such turmoil and destruction. In your case worship pastor sinned. However, any staff member can fall. I couch my answer in the “worship leader context” because this is the case in your particular situation. Nevertheless the principles apply to any staff position—male or female.

 

Let me share several principles that I hope are helpful.

 

Sexual sin by a church leader cannot be allowed to go “underground.” The key words for handling this situation are truth, truth and truth. The next three words are openness, openness and openness. The next three words are leadership, leadership and leadership.

 

Carefully ascertain, as best you can, the validity—or not—of the accusation. Paul gave clear-cut guidelines to Timothy: “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses” (1 Timothy 5:19).

 

Sometimes, you may need to seek out quietly the “right” people in verifying the accuracy of the allegation. At other times you may pesonally just figure out what is going on. Once, one of our staff began acting strangely, keeping unusual hours, not going home on time, etc. I added up two plus two and got four. After church the next evening one of my trusted elders and I took the man outside. I said, “You’re committing adultery, aren’t you.” Mine was more a declarative statement than a question. He stammered, “Yes,” before he even had time to think.

 

Early on in the process include a trusted and influential church leader into the loop. You certainly don’t want to give an opportunity for a “he said … you said … she said … I didn’t say that …” scenario to develop after you confront the worship leader. This is not a church problem you want to handle alone (Galatians 6:1-2).

 

Understand that this church crisis is not the time for debating how to handle the problem, whether or not to try to restore him, whether or not to allow him to continue leading worship while you search for a suitable solution, or whether or not he should keep his job. His trust level with you, the rest of the staff and the church congregation has dissipated like the morning mist. He has lost his authority to minister (This can be regained later—perhaps). If he keeps his job and commits another sexual sin, the church is now wide open for lawsuits. We have a “duty of care” to protect others in the congregation. Consider that it is not unwise in today’s litigious society to obtain legal counsel as you proceed through the process of handling the sinful situation which is now tossed in your lap.

 

Call an elder’s or deacon’s or board meeting the same week you that unearth and verify the sin. The official leaders must be informed and action taken to remove the offender from job responsibilities immediately.

 

Remember that, as pastor, you are in the “power position.” As a result, you want to act quickly and decisively—before the rest of the church suspects a problem—and before the worship leader can rally a following. Your official church leaders also have “power.” You want them to know the truth so they can squelch potential lies or rumors.

 

Pick the right time to confront. Once we had a series of multiple-night-church pageants. I knew what was going on behind the scenes with one of our staff persons. Unfortunately, he was such an integral part in the nightly performances that to remove him would necessitate canceling the remaining programs. So, I decided to let him finish out the next several nights. As soon as the last performance concluded, he and I had a talk.

 

Sadly, the offender’s job must be terminated immediately. Have him clean out his office. Remove him from all places of leadership. He (or she) may not stand before any church group to explain, repent or suggest anything at this time. That can come later. If that seems a little harsh, so be it. Having just been “caught”, his emotions, thinking and words can’t be trusted. A time for repentance may come. But, not until the crisis is settled down and time has passed and you know whether or not true repentance is occurring.

 

Three affected areas need special care: the sin; the church; and the sinner.

 

The Bible is quite clear about how church leaders are to handle the sin of another church leader. They are to expose the improper behavior to the church in order that the fellowship may understand that no one is so high up in church leadership that they can sin and get away with it. Paul advised Timothy: “Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning” (1 Timothy 5:20). Sin in the church is serious business—especially when committed by a church leader and must be handled accordingly.

 

Let’s talk about what exposing sin and improper behavior might look like. This can be done discretely to ensure minimal damage to the church and to the staff pastor who sinned. The Sunday after the elders make the termination official the church needs to be told. Remember, nothing hidden; tell the truth. Telling the church what happened and why the leader can no longer keep his job is handling the issue decisively and will immediately stop all rumors.

 

I tell the congregation that the worship leader has committed a sin that forfeits his job. Then I say, “I am not going to tell you what sin he committed. We will leave that between him and the close group who are sorting out and properly handling the issues. Don’t be too harsh; some of you have committed exactly the same sin—or a variation of it. This is not the time for judgment. It is time for grieving and compassion. We are all hurting. But, none of us is hurting as much as he and his family. They need love and compassion; so when you see them, grieve with them and comfort them.”

 

Then, I continue, “If you feel that you have to know which sin he committed, then ask him. He can choose to tell you or not” (By the way, as far as I know, no one has ever taken me up on this offer.).

 

Then, I proceed: “His job is terminated because his behavior has violated trust to such a degree that he can no longer work here with integrity. We have developed a restoration plan that we pray can heal the marriage and one day result in a renewed opportunity for him to reenter into ministry. At the proper time he can publicly share his sorrow, regret and repentance with us all if he so desires.” In my experience, some avail themselves of this opportunity; and, some decline.

 

Finally, I say, “The worship leader and his family have decided to stay in our fellowship for a while as they begin to put their lives back together” (Every one of our ministers who has fallen in our church has chosen this option.). I continue, “I know it is awkward, but their friends and support are in our congregation. So love them and treat them with the care they need.”

 

Some groups need a little more care and restoration. In most cases we arrange for the fallen pastor to meet with the ministry groups that he worked with and led. This often results in a time of broken-hearted confession and repentance which is good for all involved. Not surprisingly, some have a hard time holding back their anger because of the loss and betrayal they’ve experienced. At this point, one or our counselors or I talk about the range of emotions we are all feeling and how to handle them properly. This is a good time to let the words and emotions of the group flow as they struggle to begin healing.

 

Now that we have talked about handling the sin and healing the church, let’s talk about the needs of the worship leader. We are dealing here with a broken-hearted man and his family.

As I mentioned before, we invite them to stay in our fellowship as they heal.

We arrange and pay for marriage counseling. Unfortunately, not every church has the resources to do this.

We invite several men to develop a support group to help restore him to integrity and to ministry. We ask several women to join in comforting and supporting his wife.

We try to care for them financially as they make the transition to a new life and line of work. In our case we usually continue salary for four to six months with the provision that when they obtain another job, or if they do anything to unsettle the church or congregation, their transition funds terminate. We also try to work out a way to help continue their medical insurance, if needed.

 

Anger at the worship leader and the pain he has caused makes it quite tempting to withhold proper care. Just remember that the church is not the only victim is this whole affair. If there is any time that a wife and children need support and financial security, this is it! If for no other reason, take care of his innocent family in their turmoil.

 

In my experience, and in discussions with other pastor friends, we agree that it is easy for husband and wife to ultimately join forces and blame the church for their demise—and what they consider to be ill treatment. They will often, unknowingly or not, transfer a tremendous amount of anger from themselves to the church. I’ve heard people say things like, “Well, what do you expect? The church always shoots its wounded!” When I hear this comment I often think, “Well, everything would have been fine had he not first fired a double-barreled shotgun in our midst.” But, I never say those words—out loud! I just pray for the hurting couple to find healing, relief and restoration—and perhaps one day to successfully reintegrate into ministry.

 

Well, Any Pastor, I hope these thoughts may be of help. May God bless you, your church family and your broken minister as you utilize truth, openness and leadership, during these painful times.

 

Love, Roger

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Articles

When You Get To The End Of Your Rope

by Karen Holford
written by Karen Holford

The phone rang, and a friend called. She was feeling low, and unable to cope: could she come and spend a couple of days with us? “Yes! Of course! We’d love to see you!’ I heard my voice say. After a few more minutes of chatter I put down the telephone and slumped into a chair. I was exhausted! I felt I had nothing left to give that would be of any help to my friend, who was going through a marital breakdown. We had a new baby, I was still recovering from flu, we were trying to plan a major seminar for the following week, and our church was going through a severe crisis. I wanted to go somewhere quiet and bury my head in the sand. To be honest, the last thing I needed was to spend two days in intense counseling with my friend. I needed someone to give me a bit of a lift, too.

“Dear Father, help me. I feel drained of any energy to cope with Susie. I don’t know how I can be of any use to her. I barely have enough strength left to cope with my own life right now. If you are sending her to us for a purpose, then please fill up my reserve bank, so I can make it through the next few days. Thank You. Amen.” I picked up my Bible to try and find something in it that would give me a few more inches of rope to cling to before I reached the end of my tether.

I found this story. A familiar story. But now it had a fresh meaning as I sat at the kitchen table, with my tank running on “empty”.

Once there were two people who were at the end of their ropes. There was Elijah, sitting, hungry and parched, by the dried up brook… at the end of his resources… at the end of his road. And there was a widow… at the end of her flour… at the end of her oil… at the end of her hope/

By themselves they could do nothing. Each looked doomed to die. Both must have glimpsed more than a little despair, and wondered what God could possibly do to save the situation.

Apart, their lives seemed hopeless. But God brought them both together, there, outside the village of Zarephath. Elijah was almost fainting from fatigue and hunger; the widow may have been weeping as she collected the twigs together to fuel her last meal. God brought them together, and gave them hope. Even though they may have reached rock bottom from an earthly perspective, they still clung to their faith in God.

Elijah needed faith to leave the safe haven of the brook. The widow needed faith to believe that if she fed this strange man first, there would still be food for her own family. And through their faith they were preserved. But they also needed each other. God provided for them both in a way which made them interdependent on each other, as the flour and oil continued to flow from the widow’s earthenware jars will the famine finally ended.

Susie came. “I don’t want to talk about anything right now; I just need to get away and have a bit of a break. Why don’t we go shopping? I’ll cook the dinner; you’ve got your hand full with the children. And when they’re asleep, maybe you could show me how to do some stenciling…” We talked and chatted, laughed and had fun together. She played with the children, and gave me time to rest, too. “I’m so glad I came here,” she said when it was time to go. “I always feel refreshed after I’ve been with you and the children/ I feel I have much more energy now to take home with me, and maybe I can start again with John.”

Sometimes we come to the end of our ropes, our brooks, our oil jars. We may feel, as the widow might have done, that the last thing we need is another mouth to feed. Or we may feel like Elijah, and now want to leave the comfort of the brook, and face the dangers of the world again.

Famines may touch our lives. Emotional famines. Spiritual famines. Just at the times when we feel we have nothing left to give, God may bring us into contact with another “starving” person. Our natural instinct may be to withdraw, to preserve whatever we have left for our own use. But even in our own times of famine, God can use us to be a channel of His blessings to others. Our own weakness and lack of personal resources can mean that we are more open to being used by God to help others in need. And He will not let us down. He will make sure that there is always just enough oil and flour in our storage jars until the famine in our lives has passed once more.

Dear Father, when I feel weakest, help me to remember to turn to You for strength. When I don’t feel strong, You are more able to channel Your great power through me, and I know it’s You who are doing the wonderful things, and not I. Thank You for the times of weakness, because they let me feel more of Your power, and help me to depend on Your strength always, even when I naively feel I can cope on my own. Amen.

Can you think of any times when God has used you, in spite of your apparent weakness, or maybe even because of your weakness?

We all face many challenging moments when we feel vulnerable and exhausted. What do you do to help yourself cope in times like these? Make a list of things that you can do that will help to pick you up when things get tough.

Make a Promise List of texts you find particularly encouraging. Collect them as you find them, and keep them handy so you can memorize them. Copy the list to share with someone else.

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Unshaven man in sunglasses on the background of white architecture, sunglasses advertisement.
Sermons

R U Pretending?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Living a life of integrity and honesty brings freedom to our lives and to our relationships with God and others. God accepts us just as we are, and those who love us will be willing to look behind our “masks.” We validate our integrity when we practice holiness, sincerity, truthfulness and love — getting involved in the lives of others.

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Sermons

iLife Part Three-The Audience of ONE

by demo
written by demo

Holy living is not self-promotion, but devotion to the audience of ONE, our Father in heaven. Jesus decries the Pharisees’ ostentatious display of religious practices as He continues to teach about kingdom living. For example, Jesus explains that true prayer is not a technique nor a performance, but an interactive communion with God. Instead of living for the attention of everyone, our good deeds should shine the spotlight on God’s glory.

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