Are manners still important in this day and age? Dr. Leman discusses the importance of etiquette in your kid’s behavior.
www.birthorderguy.com.
What is one way you have seen or experienced UNITY…?
- What about inside the church?
Why would UNITY be important?
THE ORIGIN OF UNITY
- What is the ORIGIN of UNITY?
- The Trinity
Consider first, the distinct roles of the Godhead, yet their oneness…
- John 17:22-23 “…that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity…”
Furthermore, we see it exemplified through Christ:
- Beginning of His public ministry – Matthew 3 & 4 – The Holy Spirit, the Son, and the Father are together testifying to Christ’s move toward the Triune God’s mission of redemption.
HOW UNITY IS MAINTAINED
- How is UNITY is maintained?
- Humility, Gentleness, Patience, and Love
Ephesians 4:1-3 “Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
HUMILITY
- Spiritually bankrupt…the opposite of pride…
- Christ’s Life is our example:
- Philippians 2:1-8 “…Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”
GENTLENESS
- Bridled strength…riding a horse…opposite of self exertion
- Christ’s Life is our example:
- Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
PATIENCE
- Patience in greek is hupomeno (hupo: under – meno: to abide) an abiding under…
- You stay the course, despite circumstances…
- Christ’s Life is our example:
- We remain steadfast…just like Christ waiting for recompense…
- Hebrews 10:13 “…waiting from that time onward until His enemies be made a footstool for His feet.”
- We remain steadfast…just like Christ waiting for recompense…
LOVE
- Looking beyond the action, the motive, and the expression, and seeing an image-bearer of God that He sent His Son to die for.
- Christ’s Commandment is our standard:
- John 13:34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
THE PURPOSE FOR UNITY
- What is the PURPOSE for UNITY?
- Maturity & Evangelism
MATURITY
Ephesians 4:11-16 “And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. As a result:
- we are no longer to be children,
- tossed here and there by waves
- carried about by every wind of doctrine,
- by the trickery of men,
- by craftiness in deceitful scheming;
but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.”
EVANGELISM
Jesus’ High Priestly Prayer –
- John 17:22-23 “…The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me…”
CONCLUSION
- POINT 1: THE ORIGIN OF UNITY
- The Trinity…
- POINT 2: HOW UNITY IS MAINTAINED
- Humility…
- Gentleness…
- Patience….
- Love…
- POINT 3: THE PURPOSE FOR UNITY
- Maturity…
- Evangelism…
How does the Gospel speak to UNITY today?
- It bears us up to accomplish UNITY…
- It brings us low if we think we are accomplishing UNITY in our own strength…
No GUILT…NO PRIDE…
- Can we accomplish this on our own?
- If we think we are doing “good” at unity, on whose strength are we relying?
We need the power of the Gospel, that is the Holy Spirit sent by Christ to invade every cavern of our soul….we can’t keep unity in the mind…we are lying to ourselves, it must be in the hands, feet, and mouth…
God help us!
I may or may not know your pastor. But I know one thing: your pastor is tired.
I have the blessing of being a part of a couple of local pastors’ groups and am friends with a number of pastors outside of those groups. While we come from a broad spectrum theologically and denominationally, we all share the same experience of leading a church through COVID-19. We are worn out.
I know you’re tired as well. This has been an exhausting stretch for all of us. My heart with this post isn’t to have you pull out your violin for pastors, nor is it to diminish the challenges of non-pastors during this time. My heart is to give you a peek behind the curtains so that we might grow in grace with one another.
I will first explain six reasons why this season has been so hard for your pastor, and then I will share six ways you can show your pastor grace.
Why has this season been particularly trying?
1. COVID-19
Pastoring the sick when you can’t visit a hospital is frustrating. Pastoring those who are at risk and are fearful has been a challenge, especially when you can’t meet with them face-to-face.
2. MASKS
Whatever decision you make as a church about wearing masks will meet heavy criticism from some contingent. We’ve lost several people (we know of) from our congregation over our decisions around masks. It’s heartbreaking.
3. POLITICS
Everything seems to be viewed through the lens of politics: masks, race, decisions to open your church facility or not. Data tells us that Americans are consuming massive amounts of news coverage. Many view the world through red or blue-tinted glasses. One of my pastor friends recently texted me, “Polarization tells people to bundle every possible statement as part of some partisan agenda, which makes saying anything a losing position. The bind I wrestle with is how to simultaneously be a human (who has my convictions and thoughts on everything), a pastor, and non-polarizing.” Most pastors believe that the Bible speaks in contradistinction to both American political parties. Both are out of step in their own way with a biblical vision of governance and justice. But to speak as a follower of Jesus, not the Republican or Democratic party, sets your pastor at odds with both.
4. EVERYTHING IS NEW
How do you do check-in for children? How do you set up chairs in the worship center during COVID? How do you clean? How do you teach children’s classes in ways that comport with CDC guidelines? How do you do a COVID baptism? COVID dedications? COVID communion? How do you connect those online to the body in a meaningful way? So much of what we took years learning how to do we’ve had to unlearn.
5. LACK OF FEEDBACK
Online feedback is ruled by social media norms, which means it tends to be more critical and superficial. I’ve heard more feedback on our camera shots than I have on the substance of the preaching. Our experience has been that few guests are leaning in and connecting in online environments. They stay anonymous in ways that they don’t in person. This is a challenge as we try to know and care for those who are part of the body.
6. LACK OF KNOWING HOW YOUR FLOCK IS DOING
Within the last few weeks I learned of two families leaving the church. One family said that they have been drifting and felt the pull elsewhere for a while. I’m grateful that both of these families has the courtesy to inform us that they are leaving (many don’t), but I wonder if part of that sense of drifting was fueled by a lack of personal connection. As pastors we care for the body, but we’ve never known less about how those in our care are doing.
How, then, can you extend grace to your pastor?
1. BEAR WITH YOUR CHURCH’S DECISION ON MASKS
Your church has had to make a tough call on whether to gather in person and what their policy on masks will be. It’s likely it’s not the decision you wouldn’t have made. Whatever your church has done, please recognize that this isn’t a gospel decision. It’s not a reason to leave your church.
2. TAKE OFF THE POLITICAL GLASSES
Our partisan world has trained us to view every statement as a political statement. Try to hear what your pastor is saying in this season through the lens of the Bible, not politics.
3. FORGIVE
I’ve said dumb things. I’ve said things that were phrased poorly. I’ve dropped balls. Please forgive your pastor. If you are offended, please approach your pastor in person, don’t harbor bitterness.
4. ENGAGE
With many of our people unable to participate in face-to-face ministries, every church has massive ministry holes. If you’re not in-person yet, raise your hand to help with online ministry. If you are joining in person, step forward and make a difference in the life of your church.
5. WRITE A NOTE
Your pastor has probably received more criticism since COVID than he did in the past five years combined. Let your pastor know how much you appreciate him, how much a message impacted you, or just that you are praying for him.
6. PRAY
Speaking of which: pray for your pastor. Pray for peace, pray for spiritual life, pray for his family, and pray for the unity of your church.
Pastor or not, we are all tired. Let’s grow in empathy and grace toward one another. As Paul says in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” And similarly in Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
May grace flow freely to one another in Christ’s family.
www.thebeehive.live.
Dear Roger,
I served as the treasurer of our church for almost 20 years. Not long ago, some money turned up missing, and I was blamed. The humiliation and vilification were incredible. Everyone thought I was guilty and treated me that way.
The church arranged for an audit, and I was found innocent. The real thief was on the counting committee and went to jail for fraud. That’s the first, and hopefully the last time my integrity will be called into question. So, what do you do when your integrity is questioned?
Sincerely, Eric
Dear Eric,
It seemed so trivial. Paul told the Corinthian Christians that he would return to Corinth for a second visit in. However, Paul’s concern to get to Jerusalem was so irresistible that he bypassed Corinth.
Some began to question Paul’s integrity: “After all, if he cannot be trusted to keep his appointments, how can we ever trust his ministry?”
INTEGRITY IS WHOLENESS. ALL THE PIECES ARE ON DISPLAY. NOTHING IS MISSING OR HIDDEN.
Let’s consider how Paul handled this situation when his integrity was on the line with the Corinthian Christians. He relied upon the characteristics of holiness, sincerity, truthfulness, and love to validate his integrity. Take a look at 2 Corinthians 1:12-24:
Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace. … I wanted to visit you on my way to Macedonia, … and then to have you send me on my way to Judea. Was I fickle when I intended to do this? Or do I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say both “Yes, yes” and “No, no”?
But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.” For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us—by me and Silas and Timothy—was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. … Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
I call God as my witness—and I stake my life on it—that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.
Of course, there are more characteristics of integrity than the ones Paul mentioned in this defense. However, these four are more than enough to guarantee our own integrity. Let me share a few stories to illustrate.
By the way, the time to build up integrity is before we need to use it.
- HOLINESS: CHOOSING RIGHTEOUSNESS
Holiness need not be some esoteric mystical endeavor. It is as practical as righteous living. Romans 6:19 declares, “So, now offer your bodies in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.”
My dad was favored with promotion after promotion as he worked for 40 years, moving up the corporate ladder of a major airline to the position of vice president. He was in charge of budgets, balance sheets, income, expenditures, and economic forecasting.
Then, suddenly, without warning, they took away his job, his position, and his pride by replacing him with an accountant from South America who could hardly speak English. Dad was given a small office in the back of the building, where he worked with some outdated computers.
The board promised to pay him half of his present salary until he reached retirement age. They threw in a handful of free airplane tickets. Dad was devastated, but he left the airline behind and forged ahead, starting his own successful accounting business.
Several years later, two gentlemen from the FBI invited themselves into our house and shortly thereafter, it all made sense. Apparently, the leaders of the airline were trading valuable government-controlled air routes in exchange for large contributions to President Richard Nixon’s illegal campaign slush funds. The perpetrators knew that my dad must be isolated if the plan were to work.
Dad was a man of integrity.
Now read Romans 6:19 again. My dad’s decision to live in righteousness led to holiness, marking his life with integrity.
- SINCERITY: LIVING WITHOUT HIDDEN MOTIVES
What you see is what you get! People of integrity follow through with every promise they make. Their word is dependable. Proverbs 26:8 reads, “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
In Roman times, vases often cracked when they were processed and hardened by fire. Then the imperfection on a cracked vase was filled with wax to hide the infirmity. Intact vases were stamped with the Latin words sine cera which meant “without wax.” From this practice, we get our word “sincerity.”
People of integrity have few—if any—cracks in their character. They are sincere.
Julie and I were buying groceries one Sunday after my sermon, when the cashier handed me my change. I counted the cash to discover that she’d given me five dollars too much.
I said, “I think that you’ve made a mistake. You have given me five extra dollars.”
She said, “I know. I was in church this morning, and I was just testing you.”
This has great relevance for the political leaders of our country. We have a society that uses words to lead, deceive, confuse and cover.
A recent NBC News poll tested voters’ feelings about congressional trustworthiness: 24% of Americans said that Congress is mostly honest. But the news media was worse. Just 19% said the media is very or mostly honest. Integrity long ago ceased to define our leaders.
- TRUTHFULNESS: SPEAKING and ACTING HONESTLY
Men and women of integrity tell the truth and live accordingly. They do not lie or perpetrate false truths. Their very lives are saturated with truth. They’ve learned the lesson that no matter what is going on, it is always best to tell the truth. Proverbs 12:19 teaches, “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.”
A man and a woman in Long Beach, CA went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to buy chicken for picnic. The owner was preparing to take the proceeds for the day’s sales to the bank for deposit. He camouflaged the money by putting it in an empty KFC box.
Inadvertently, the cashier gave the customer the money-filled box instead of the chicken-filled box.
When the couple got to the park and opened the box, they found all of the money. The man realized that there was a mistake. They got into the car and drove back to the KFC and returned the money to the frantic manager.
The manager was so pleased. He said, “You stick around. I want to call the newspaper and have them put in your picture.”
“No. No. Don’t do that,” the man pleaded.
“Why not?”
“Because I am married, and this woman is not my wife.”
If the truth were known, most of us struggle with telling the truth at some time or other.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Just tell the truth; say what you mean and mean what you say, and integrity soars!
- LOVE: CARING FOR OTHERS
With all the problems that Paul experienced with the church at Corinth, it’s no wonder that he didn’t just walk away. From our perspective, the Corinthian church was more trouble than it was worth! There were many people in the Mediterranean world who would have accepted, appreciated and loved what Paul was doing. But he loved them, as Christ loves the church.
The essence of integrity is getting involved in the lives of others. People of integrity have love built into their nature. In John 15:12, Jesus commands, “Love each other as I have loved you.”
Expressing true love is not always easy.
I love this poem by Robert Brault:
I was hungry
and you hurried into McDonald’s
and acted like you didn’t see me at the door
Thank you.
I was imprisoned
And you crept off quietly
To your chapel in the cellar
To pray for my release.
I was naked
And in your mind you said
Surely he’ll find the local Goodwill store
I was sick
And you knelt and thanked God
For your health.
I was homeless
And you preached to me
Of the spiritual shelter
Of the love of God.
I was lonely
And you left me alone
To pray for me to find a friend.
You seem so holy;
So close to God.
But I’m still very hungry
And lonely
And cold.
So where have your prayers gone?
What have they done?
What does it profit a man to page through his
Book of prayers when the rest of the world
Is crying for help?
Will you show integrity by putting others first? Even when it’s not convenient?
FINALLY, IT TAKES TIME AND CONSISTENCY TO BUILD UP INTEGRITY WITH PEOPLE.
A consistent life lived over time—that includes holiness, sincerity, truthfulness, and love— validates a life of integrity. These characteristics are our best defense when our integrity is called into question. Proverbs 10:9 declares, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.”
Let me illustrate this last point with a story Leith Anderson in Leadership Journal several years ago. It was written for pastors, but it really applies to everyone.
When a new pastor is called to pastor a church, the pulpit committee gives him 100 chips.
If he preaches a good sermon, he gets another chip.
If he preaches a bad or boring sermon, it costs him two chips.
If he spends several hours at the hospital with a sick church member, he gets 10 chips.
If the visit occurred after midnight, he gets 15 chips.
And if the patient was sick unto death and recovered shortly after his visit and prayer, he gets 25 chips.
A pastor was called to a new church beginning in January, but his first sermon was not scheduled until the first Sunday in February. The church anxiously waited.
Before he preached, a church down the street needed a pulpit. The pastor wanted to begin his ministry fresh and new. So, a week before he was to preach, he gave away the pulpit that had been in his new church for over 70 years. After all, he didn’t want anything to stand between him and his people.
Giving away the pulpit cost him 1500 chips. It would take 30 years of great sermons just to get back to even. His ministry was over before he even started, and he was gone in three months.
On the other hand, there was a pastor who forgot a funeral. He wasn’t derelict or lazy; he was just was out counseling at a luncheon meeting and lost track of time.
The funeral director called his secretary, and she called all the usual places where he dined, but he had decided to try a new place. Finally, the funeral home called a pastor down the street to fill in. He didn’t know the family, but he hurried down and performed the funeral.
When the pastor arrived back at church and realized what had happened, he was mortified. He raced to the deceased’s home to apologize to the family members.
One of the family members said, “Pastor, we will never forgive nor forget what you did to us today.” The pastor figured that missing that funeral cost him several hundred chips.
But he survived. He had been at that church for 28 years. He had piles and piles of chips.
In my mind, integrity is one of the most precious parts of who we are in Christ. When 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old is gone, the new is here!” Paul means that we have been made new from the very inside out. We are clean; we have a sound moral character thanks to the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ.
But we still face a thousand choices every day … will we act with integrity, living transparently according to the will of God? Or will we do what’s best for us, hiding what we think or do behind a good-looking façade?
Keep pursuing holiness, sincerity, truthfulness, and love.
Well, Eric, I hope you’ll find my answer helpful in building a life of integrity.
Love, Roger
Moms are often the unsung heroes. They work steadily, comfort endlessly and teach constantly. Deborah Haddix provides us with these verses that inspire us to honor the women we cherish:
13 Ways We Can Honor Mom
- Have Patience with Your Mom
Patience isn’t something that comes naturally to most of us. And it can be extremely difficult to summon it sometimes, especially when mom asks for the hundredth time how to program the DVR, can’t for the life of her figure out how to operate her cell phone, or seems to move slower than a tortoise. During these moments it does us well to remember God’s great patience toward us, as well as the patience Mom needed while raising us. Yes, take a deep breath and continue on!
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:12-13
- Forgive Her
No, your mom is not perfect. Yes, she made a few mistakes along the way. (She may have even made a lot of huge mistakes.)
One of the best ways we can show honor to our mother is to choose to forgive her. Make the determined choice not to “keep bringing her mistakes back up,” retaliate, or punish her. Instead, CHOOSE to shower her with the grace of God that He so freely gives to each of us.
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:13
- Show Appreciation
It’s so easy to dwell on the mistakes. We’re all pretty good at fault-finding. But it shows love when we can look past the discomfort or the frustration and instead of complaining, find something to be thankful for. Show honor to your mom by building her up rather than tearing her down.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
- Keep Your Promises
Do what you said you were going to do. Following through on our promises declares to mom that she is a priority, and our demonstration of commitment and trustworthiness shows honor.
I will not violate my covenant or alter the word that went forth from my lips.
Psalm 89:34
- Laugh with Her
Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “A time to weep, and a time to laugh.” Don’t forget to laugh. It does the heart good – both hers and yours!
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3:2-4
- Reminisce
Make the time to share some fond memories with your mom. It brings her joy to hear the things you remember – from your viewpoint!
But now that Timothy has come to us from you, and has brought us the good news of your faith and love and reported that you always remember us kindly and long to see us, as we long to see you—
1 Thessalonians 3:6
- Ask Her Advice
We honor our mom when we ask her advice. The Bible constantly associates youth with folly and age with wisdom and tells us that those who have lived longer lives have generally accumulated greater wisdom. We may not always follow it, but it’s smart to ask.
The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair.
Proverbs 20:29
Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.
Job 12:12
- Pray
When you pray for your mother, you demonstrate love by communicating that her concerns are important to you. Make that communication a little stronger, even, by asking how you can pray for her.
First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people.
1 Timothy 2:1
- Take Some Time to Talk with Her and Be Sure to Say, “I Love You”
Never underestimate the power of those three little words. Hearing those words from you brings comfort, peace, and joy to your mama’s heart.
And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you.
1 Thessalonians 3:12
- And When You Are Talking with Her, Listen; Truly Listen
Be present. We show honor by giving Mom our full attention which means listening intently without interrupting or thinking about how we will respond… or attending to other things like our phone.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.
James 1:19
- Interact
Spend time with mom – her agenda, not yours. Enjoy an evening with her, go to lunch, involve her in your family activities, visit with her – whether she lives locally or miles away.
Though I have much to write to you, I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete.
2 John 12
- Contact Her Regularly
Honor your mom with regular and consistent contact. Text her, email, call, use Facetime or Skype, send notes and cards. These may be a minor inconvenience to us, but they mean a great deal to our mom.
Take Special Note: NOTHING, absolutely nothing, shows appreciation, love, or honor to your mother more than sitting down and taking the time to write out a letter – on paper!
See with what large letters I am writing to you with my own hand.
Galatians 6:11
- Esteem Her Publicly and Privately
This is a simple act that brings great joy and honor to your mom.
Give her credit when and where you can. In private say things like, “You know, Mom, I really appreciate that you taught me about putting people first,” or “… teaching me how to do laundry.” And when in public, speak well of her. As a special act of honor, you might want to refer back to #12 and esteem your mom by writing out a formal tribute, presenting it to her, and reading it aloud in her presence (suggested by Dennis Rainey of Family Life).
Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Romans 13:7
Of course, I understand that living in a fallen world – full of fallen people –, not all of us had the happiest of experiences growing up. Maybe Mom, for whatever reason, failed miserably, and you found yourself thinking these ideas would be difficult or even impossible to implement. If this is you, may I encourage you to seek spiritual help from a pastor or trusted counselor?
How we treat our Mom (parents) is a sign of our faith in Christ. It’s a gospel issue. Let’s pour a special little blessing on Mom this Mother’s Day.
www.deborahhaddix.com.
I recently studied the 10 Commandments and took notice of number four, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.” (Exodus 20:8) I have no problem not stealing or murdering, but I often disobey the fourth commandment. I’m sure you do too. It’s not one we hear a lot in the world today. However, it is no less important than any of the others, so I want to give you five practical ways to keep the sabbath in the 21st Century.
1. Rest and reset. The Sabbath, as God intended it, is to be a day of rest. You should observe the Sabbath on a day you don’t have to work, attend school, or anything similar. Do you ever start your week completely drained from the week before? I know I do. That’s because we don’t rest. I constantly have things going on and never have a day to relax. God gave us the gift rest, use it.
“For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.” Exodus 20:11
2. Put your phone away. I have a cell phone addiction. It’s like its an extension of my body. I’m constantly, texting, playing games, and scrolling through social media. We all are. It’s 2020. However, the world will not end if you don’t pick your phone up for a day, (at least that’s what I’m telling myself.) It is acceptable to wait a day to respond to that text or that Snap. So, leave your phone off the charger, give it to a parent or a family member, and remember, it can wait!
3. Intentionally plan for it. I’m used to having that seventh day of the week to get my stuff done. I treat it like an extra day to run errands or turn in assignments, but it doesn’t have to be. I can run errands after school or work any of the other six days of the week. If I manage my time better, I can easily get all my assignments done one day early. My discipleship groups can take place on another day. I just have to be intentional about getting everything done.
“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter.” Exodus 20:8-10
4. Spend time with your family. If I don’t have a lot to do, which I won’t if I’m observing the Sabbath correctly, I get bored easily. A great way to fill that time in a restful way is to spend it with family. I can watch movies and play games all day long! (I’m sure they wouldn’t mind either.)
5. Spend time with God. The most important reason for the Sabbath day is spending time with God. With a clear schedule, I have all the time in the world to reflect, pray, and study God’s Word. Sometimes, I fall behind on my Bible studies throughout the week because I get so busy. The Sabbath is a great time to catch back up and just enjoy time with my Savior.
Do you ever get that sinking feeling of not quite measuring up at the mention of the Proverbs 31 woman?
Me too.
I remember when I first read this chapter many years ago as a young wife and mom. I thought the Proverbs 31 woman was overwhelmingly perfect.
And as I’ve walked through a season of extreme hardship in my marriage over the last few years, I’ve found myself not just intimidated by Proverbs 31 but defeated by this wife whose marriage seems full of praises. Even good marriages don’t always have such shiny realities.
That’s why my heart feels especially tender toward those who would rather skip over Proverbs chapter 31. I know what it’s like to have these words sit heavy on your heart with a resounding declaration of “not enough.”
But what if I told you that the heart behind Proverbs 31:10-31 is one of celebration, not condemnation?
The first thing I want us to take note of is that this isn’t just a chapter about a wife of noble character, despite how your Bible titles verses 10-31. It’s a chapter about a woman of valor. A courageous woman. A woman of strength and dignity.
In Jewish culture, these verses are read out loud on the Sabbath as a celebration over the women. This is in no way condemning what they aren’t but celebrating how they are, in their own unique expressions, living out the virtues detailed in this chapter. These aren’t words meant to tell a woman she is supposed to be more. They are a celebration of who she is.
Isn’t that the way it should be?
Courageous women celebrating each other … and those they love celebrating them? All under the banner of honoring God, serving out of love, and smiling at the future. Yes, this is why I love Proverbs 31 and rejoice that our ministry is named after such uplifting Scriptures.
I also love how Proverbs 31:30 reminds us of what’s truly worth celebrating: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
Notice it’s not a woman with a spotless house who is to be praised. It’s not the mom with perfectly behaved children wearing matching, designer outfits. Honestly, it’s not even the woman who’s married and has children.
A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. This isn’t an “I’m afraid of God” kind of fear. This type of fear refers to having a heart completely in awe of God. It describes a woman who honors God by seeking Him in everything she does and trusting Him wholeheartedly with her life. She has a heart of reverence that overflows into a life of spiritual maturity and wisdom.
And let’s not forget to look at today’s verses within the context of why God gave us this book of the Bible. The very first chapter of Proverbs tells us it exists so we can gain wisdom, instruction, understanding, insight, knowledge, discretion and guidance (as seen in Proverbs 1:1-7). Proverbs 2:1-5 goes on to remind us that as we receive and apply God’s commands, we’ll be able to understand how to find the knowledge of the Lord.
Wisdom is both a gift from God and a process of learning. And Proverbs 2:10 tells us the benefit of this kind of wisdom: It will be pleasant to your soul as it enters your heart.
I know this is a passage of Scripture that can easily trip us up. But what if we take God at His Word and choose to believe these words hold good and pleasant things for us? What if we challenge ourselves to look at Proverbs 31 closely — to see which part of it is a gift to us and which verses we need to learn from? What if we speak these words over ourselves and the other women in our lives as a form of celebration instead of condemnation?
God tucked these words into His Word for all eternity, sweet friends. And that tells me they are needed and meant for our good. Let’s ask Him to help us learn from them today.
Father God, thank You for this beautiful picture You painted in the pages of Scripture. Help me receive these words from You as a gift. Help me hear them spoken over my own life with Your voice of love. And show me how to live them out, according to the unique way You purposefully designed me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
TRUTH FOR TODAY
Proverbs 31:25, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” (NIV)
RELATED RESOURCES
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www.proverbs31.org. Used by permission.
How do you treat your elders? Do you respect your aging parents, your frail grandmother, your annoying aunt with dementia? Do you consider them an inspiration, an inconvenience, or both?
HONORING YOUR PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS IS IMPORTANT TO GOD!
Here are just a few key examples:
· The first commandment of the “Big 10” reads: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:11
· Moses sternly warns the Israelites. If they fear God, they will respect their seniors: “You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:32
· The Apostle Paul promises God’s favor for honoring elders: “Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Ephesians 6:2-3.
Joseph and Ham are two Bible characters that shed light on honoring parents. Joseph took care of Jacob. Ham disrespected Noah.
Jacob was not a model father. The patriarch’s past was tainted with deception, favoritism, human trafficking and rape. His eleven sons lied to their father for decades about the death of Joseph, Jacob’s favorite son.
However, Joseph honored his father even if Jacob was far from perfect. He summoned his aged father to Egypt. He forgave his brothers and reunited the family. He protected and provided for Jacob in his old age. Even Pharaoh the pagan ruler, knew how to revere Joseph’s elderly father.
Jacob died in Egypt, full of years. The Egyptians honored Joseph’s father. They took forty days to embalm Jacob. His family and friends carried him back to his homeland:
“So Joseph went up to bury his father; all Pharaoh’s officials went with him—the senior courtiers of his household, all the senior officials of the land of Egypt, all Joseph’s household, his brothers, and his father’s household…the great entourage mourned his death with bitter sorrow.” Genesis 50:7-8
Joseph truly honored Jacob.
Conversely, Ham dishonored his father Noah. He suffered dire consequences from his blatant disregard for his father’s dignity as recounted in Genesis 9:18-23:
“The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
Now Ham was the father of Canaan. Noah, a man of the soil, began to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of the wine, he got drunk and uncovered himself inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father’s nakedness and told his two brothers who were outside. Shem and Japheth took the garment and placed it on their shoulders. Then they walked in backwards and covered up their father’s nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so they did not see their father’s nakedness.
When Noah awoke from his drunken stupor he learned what his youngest son had done to him. So he said, “Cursed be Canaan!”
Ham’s moment of disrespect caused dire consequences for his offspring for generations!
No one is perfect. All of us are fallen and fallible. The longer we live, the more mistakes we make. We must honor our elders because it is the will of God. It is our privilege.
So what do we learn from a historical perspective?
“The Romans made use of their elderly and had faith in their wisdom and experience,” Cicero wrote “…there is assuredly nothing dearer to a man than wisdom, and though age takes away all else, it undoubtedly brings us that.”
Do other cultures honor their elders?
In Chinese and Japanese cultures, filial piety, a virtue of respect for one’s father, elders, and ancestors from Confucian philosophy – is highly valued. Japan holds a national holiday every year on the third Monday of September to honor and show appreciation for the elderly. “Respect for the Aged Day” is a paid holiday from work where grandparents receive gifts and share a meal with their families. Indian and Native American families deeply value the wisdom of their elders. Multiple generations of Mediterranean and Latin families live under one roof.
Pulitzer prize winner Jared Diamond observes:
“Our American culture cherishes the values of independence, individualism and self-reliance. Older adults suffer as they inevitably lose some of these traits. Our work ethic implies that if you’re no longer working, you’ve lost the main value that society places on you” causes depression and low self-esteem. Retirement means losing social relationships, which, coupled with America’s high mobility, leaves many old people hundreds or even thousands of miles away from longtime friends and family.”
So how do we honor our elders? How do we bless and encourage them? I have watched my sister Kathy honor our aging parents for many years. My Mom has mid-stage Alzheimer’s and my Dad had multiple strokes with vascular dementia before he died two years ago. These are the invaluable lessons I learn from her.
BE OBSERVANT
My Dad, “Poppa,” was extremely independent. He did not want to admit he had trouble taking care of his home, paying his bills or driving his car safely. Kathy allowed him to do as much as he could and praised him for his competency, but prepared to oversee more challenging tasks. Now she supervises the nurses who provide 24-hour care for my Mom.
BE INCLUSIVE
Kathy celebrates everything and everyone. She is the consummate hostess. Mom and Dad came to every birthday party, anniversary and holiday. One of my most treasured possessions is the photo Kathy staged with “Cutie,” “Poppa,” and all of our extended family just weeks before his death.
BE INQUISITIVE
My parents were wise, godly people. Kathy brought her grandchildren over to their home and encouraged them to ask every question on their young minds! She bought a toy box full of books and puzzles to play with “Cutie and Poppa.” The great-grandkids listened with glee as Poppa recounted his adventures.
BE ENCOURAGING
My parents grieved over relocating from their family home in Dallas to the smaller East Texas town where my sister lived. She comforted them and worked tirelessly to involve them in church and community events. Daddy loved the Saturday morning Farmer’s Market when he was alive. Kathy took time out of her busy schedule to enjoy apricot fried pies with him!
BE PATIENT
Cutie now asks the same questions over and over again. “Where’s Poppa?” After 63 years of blissful marriage, Mom keenly senses the loss of her Other Half. Instead of getting frustrated, Kathy gently reminds her that Poppa is in heaven. She patiently finds Mom’s purse for the 67th time after mom moves it.
BE PRAYERFUL
Kathy is a prayer warrior. She constantly prays for Cutie to have God’s peace in the loss of her husband. She prays for each one of Mom’s caregivers. She prays for wisdom and strength to love own children and grandchildren more each day.
I can’t tell you how much I admire my sister for honoring my parents!
“…For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the king will answer them, ‘I tell you the truth, just as you did it for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of mine, you did it for me.’ Matthew 25:35-40
Among all in his era, Noah was the most godly. He alone was considered by the Almighty, blameless. In a time when terrible wrath was about to unfurl, Noah alone found favor with the Lord. Consider this man Noah and what he experienced: Aware that the end of his world was at hand, he faithfully preached repentance for over one hundred years, yet his words converted no one. His eyes beheld the terrible descent of the wrath of God; his ears heard the terrifying cries, the final cries, of an entire civilization. His mind experienced the horrifying destruction of every man, woman and child outside the ark.
What burden does such an experience create upon the human soul? What nightmares? We don’t know how Noah processed the catastrophic end of the world, but here’s what we do know: After the flood, Noah began mankind’s journey anew. He farmed and planted a vineyard. From the harvest he produced juice, which fermented into wine. We don’t know if this was the first time he, or any man, tasted the effects of wine, but we do know that he drank it and it made him so drunk that he collapsed in his tent. The great man of God lay unconscious and naked, in a drunken stupor.
Here was a righteous preacher who, for whatever reason, had fallen short of his own high standards. Into this scene comes Ham, one of his three sons. Ham entered Noah’s tent and saw the shameful state his father was in. Then, Ham reported the scene to his two brothers. Instead of silently, discreetly covering his father’s shame, he sought to expose it. His brothers, Shem and Japheth, the Scriptures tell us, took raiment and, walking backward with the sheet on their shoulders, they covered Noah with it. Keep this point in mind: Ham dishonored his father by seeking to expose his shame; Shem and Japheth honored their father by covering his weakness. Your future and the future of your children is attached to how well you understand the value of honor and the curse that follows a dishonoring spirit.
The New Testament Scriptures, in fact, call us to honor and respect people. Here is what God’s word commands:
“Honor all men; love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect. . .” (1 Pet 2:17-18a).
Honor all men? Honor the king? Servants be submissive with respect? Surely this apostolic leader is not speaking to the church in America! We want our rights! We are not afraid of any man, be he king or priest. Yes, but the issue is not whether we are afraid; it is whether we are capable of showing genuine honor.
There is something within us that grates at the idea of honoring people. We say, often quite righteously, we will only honor God. We feel it is our task to keep others humble lest their pride take over. In fact, it is our pride that has taken over, not theirs, and it is fueled by our jealousy of another’s success.
God calls us to honor all men for the simple fact that He chose to give them life. Jesus lived and died so sinful men could be saved. People are precious to the Father; they are as valuable to Him as His Son. Yes, today the person standing before you may be a sinner, but by showing honor you tell that person that he or she is important to the Almighty.
Some, we are called to honor for their attainments; others, we honor for their intrinsic worth to God. Yet, the call of God is to honor all. Not that you honor the actions of sinners, but the humanity of sinners. We are not to worship people, as those who swoon over celebrities; but we are to show all men honor.
You cannot lead someone to Christ whom you have dishonored. You cannot sincerely communicate the love of God if you do not respect the person to whom you are speaking. Our tradition of dishonoring people has not come from God. In fact, the kingdom of God emerges with a completely opposite spirit. The kingdom is a culture graced with honor and respect for the dignity of all people.
Consider: within the body of Christ we are commanded to honor every member, actually giving to the “unseemly parts” more abundant honor. As stated, we are also called to “Honor all men” and also “honor the king” (1 Peter 2:17). We are additionally required to honor the church elders (1 Timothy 5:17); and at work, we should honor and respect those who are our employers (1 Timothy 6:1). We are to honor widows (1 Timothy 5:3), spouses (1 Peter 3:7 & Ephesians 5:22), the unseemly (1 Corinthians 12:23-25) and the aged (Leviticus 19:32). In fact, when the gray-haired enter a room we are told to stop talking, stand, and acknowledge with reverence the entrance of an older individual. When was the last time that happened in America?
The Lord himself bestows honor on people: John 12:26 says, “If anyone serves Me, … the Father will honor him.” And Psalm 91:14-15 say, “Because he has loved Me, … I will rescue him, and honor him.” So if the Lord has no problem honoring people, considering His great glory, why are we so apt to dishonor each other?
The word “honor” in the Greek meant to fix valuation, esteem by implication and to revere. Picture a home where the children revere their parents and the husband and wife honor each other. We must esteem and fix value to each other. For honor creates a spiritual buffer against the enemy’s attacks, which otherwise erode the quality of our lives.
Moreover, honor releases the power of God while dishonor greatly hinders its expression. Jesus taught, “‘A prophet is not without honor except in his home town, and in his own household.’ And He did not do many miracles there because of their unbelief” (Matthew 13:57-58). The people of Jesus’ hometown did not honor Him, and their lack of honor, Jesus called, “unbelief.” In other words, when we dishonor a man or woman of God, we shut down the power.
The Ability To Advance
In Life Paul reminds us of the fourth commandment. He writes, “Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you…” (Eph 6:2-3).
Let’s return to the story about Noah. When Ham exposed his father, Noah cursed the son of Ham, Canaan. Why didn’t Noah curse Ham instead of Ham’s son? Noah knew that, as Ham had been to him, so Canaan would be to Ham. Noah’s curse was actually profound. He said Canaan would be “a servant of servants” (see Gen 9:25). Why? Because if you can’t honor an imperfect leader, you will never advance in life. You will always be a slave.
You see, there are no leaders other than imperfect leaders. Your boss, your pastor or teacher or mayor or father or mother are all imperfect. When we expose them to humiliation or dishonor by telling others of their weaknesses, it brings their curse upon us. We will never advance in life with such an attitude.
To be successful, you need to be able to submit to leaders who are imperfect without dishonoring them. You say, “If I do that, I will feel like a hypocrite, a ‘yes’ man.” If you don’t show honor, you are already a hypocrite. For a true Christian esteems and respects people; you don’t have to trust them, but you must honor and respect them.
Now this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have concerns when you see a problem. You may indeed have good advice or even a revelation to share that can help your leader. But don’t open the door to dishonoring leaders, especially in the church! If you see a problem, don’t follow Ham’s example. Don’t go telling your brothers; instead, cover the situation in love. Follow the procedure Jesus gives us in Matthew 18, remaining respectful and humble as you seek to bring an end to sin in a person’s life.
Ham dishonored his father. The generations of Ham became slaves. How you relate to the imperfections of your superiors determines not only your future, but also the future of your children and your children’s children. Do they hear you complain about your boss? Do they listen when you criticize your pastor? Is a curse being passed on to them when they are forced by proximity to hear you bad mouth other leaders? Do you see this? You are actually teaching them how to NOT succeed in life. A dishonoring spirit will cause them to remain poor, frustrated and outside the realm of the blessed and prosperous.
Right now, your children are patterning their lives after you. From you they are learning how to deal with the imperfections of life. Will they become bitter and angry at life’s structure of authority? Or will they be free to relate to imperfect authorities over them, and do so with honor? Are you breeding generations of slaves or generations of free men and women?
Are you really excited about the holidays, or are you dreading them? Many people dread “family time.”
Russell Moore writes:
“We tend to idealize holidays, but human depravity doesn’t go into hibernation between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. One thing that will hit most Christians, sooner or later, are tensions within extended families at holiday time. Some of you will be visiting family members who are contemptuous of the Christian faith and downright hostile to the whole thing.
Others are empty nest couples who now have sons- or daughters-in-law to get adjusted to, maybe even grandchildren who are being reared, well, not exactly the way the grandparents would do it. Still others are young couples who are figuring out how to keep from offending family members who are watching the calendar, to see which side of the family gets more time on the ledger. And others are new parents, trying to figure out how to parent their child when it’s Mammonpalooza at Aunt Judie’s house this year.
And, of course, there’s just always the kind of thing that happens when sinful people come into contact with one another. Somebody asks “When is the baby due?” to an unpregnant woman or somebody blasts your favorite political figure or…well, you know.
Here are a few quick thoughts on what followers of Jesus ought to remember, especially if you’ve got a difficult extended family situation.
1. Peace
Yes, Jesus tells us that his gospel brings a sword of division, and that sometimes this splits up families (Matt. 10:34-37). But there’s a difference between gospel division and carnal division (see 1 Cor. 1, e.g.). The Spirit brings peace (Gal. 5:22), and the sons of God are peacemakers (Matt. 5:9). Since that’s so, we ought to “strive for peace with everyone” (Heb. 12:14).
Often, the divisiveness that happens at extended family dinner tables is not because an unbelieving family member decides to persecute a Christian. It’s instead because a Christian decides to go ahead and sort the wheat from the weeds right now, rather than waiting for Judgment Day (Matt. 13:29-30). Yes, the gospel exposes sin, but the gospel does so strategically, in order to point to Christ. Antagonizing unbelievers at a family dinner table because they think or feel like unbelievers isn’t the way of Christ.
Some Christians think their belligerence is actually a sign of holiness. They leave the Christmas table saying, “See, if you’re not being opposed, then you’re not with Christ!” Sometimes, of course, divisions must come. But think of the qualifications Jesus gives for his church’s pastors. They must not be “quarrelsome” and they must be “well thought of by outsiders” (1 Tim. 3:3,7). That’s in the same list as not being a heretic or a drunk.
Your presence should be one of peace and tranquility. The gospel you believe ought to be what disrupts. There’s a big difference.
2. Honor
The Scripture tells us to fear God, to obey the king, and to honor (notice this) everyone (1 Pet. 2:17). If your parents are high-priests in the Church of Satan, they are still your parents. If cousin Betty V. does Jello shots in her car, just to take the edge off the cocaine, well, she still bears the imprint of the God you adore.
You cannot do the will of God by opposing the will of God. That is, you can’t evangelize by dishonoring father and mother, or by disrespecting the image-bearers of God. Pray for God to show you the ways those in your life are worthy of honor, and teach your children to follow you in showing respect and gratitude.
3. Humility
Part of the reason some Christians have such difficulty with unbelieving or nominally believing extended family members is right at this point. They see differences over Jesus as being of the same kind (just of a different degree) as our differences over, say, the war in Afghanistan or the future of Sarah Palin or the Saints’ winning streak this year.
Often the frustration comes not because of how much Christians love their family members as much as how much these Christians want to be right. The professional Left and Right cable-TV and talk-radio pontificators may value the last word, but we can’t.
Jesus never, not once, seeks to prove he is right, and he was accused of being everything from a wino to a demoniac. He rejects Satan’s temptation to force a visible vindication, waiting instead for God to vindicate him at the empty tomb.
Often Christians veer toward Satanism at holiday time because we, deep down, pride ourselves on knowing the truth of the gospel. The rage you feel when Uncle Happy says why “many roads lead to God” might be more about the fact that you want to be right than that you want him to be resurrected.
Plus, we often forget just how it is that we came to be in Christ in the first place. This wasn’t some act of brilliance, like being accepted into Harvard or some exertion of the will, like learning to put a Rubik’s cube together in 20 seconds. “What do you have that you did not receive,” the Apostle Paul asks us, “And if you received it, then why do you boast as though you didn’t receive it?” (1 Cor. 4:6-7)
Satan wants to destroy you through his primal flaw, pride (1 Pet. 5:7-9; 1 Tim. 3:6). He doesn’t care if that pride comes through looking around the family table and figuring out how much more money you make than your second cousin-in-law or whether it comes by your looking around the table and saying, “Thank you Lord that I am not like these publicans.” The end result is the same (Prov. 29:23).
Unless you’re in an exceptionally sanctified family, you’re going to see failing marriages, parenting crises, and a thousand other shards of the curse. If your response is to puff up as you look at your own situation, there’s a Satanist at your family gathering, and you’re it.
4. Maturity
The Scripture tells us that if we follow Jesus we’ll follow the path he took: that’s through temptation, to suffering, and ultimately to glory. Often we think these testings are big, monumental things, but they rarely are.
God will allow you to be tested. He’ll refine you, bring you to the fullness of maturity in Christ. He probably won’t do it by your fighting lions before the emperor or standing with a John 3:16 sign before a tank in the streets of Beijing. More likely, it will be through those seemingly little places of temptation—like whether you’ll love the belching brother-in-law at the other end of the table who wants to talk about how the Cubans killed JFK and how to make $100,000 a year selling herbal laxatives on the Internet.
Some of the tensions Christians face at holiday time have nothing to do with outside oppression as much as internal immaturity on the part of the Christians themselves.
I’ve had young men who tell me they feel treated like children when they go home to see their extended families. Their parents or parents-in-law are dictating to them where to go, when, and for how much time. Their parents or parent-in-law are hijacking the rearing of their children (”Oh, come on! He can watch Die Harder! Don’t be so strict!”). Some of these men just give in, and then seethe in frustration.
Sometimes that’s because the extended family is particularly obstinate. But sometimes the extended family treats the young man like a child because that’s how he acts the rest of the year. Don’t live financially and emotionally dependent on your parents or in-laws, passively dithering in your decisions about your family’s future, and then expect them to see you as the head of your house.
Be a man (if you are one). Make decisions (including decisions about where, and for how long, you’ll spend the holidays). Teach and discipline your children.Your extended family might not like it at first, but they’ll come to respect the fact that you’re leaving and cleaving, taking responsibility for that which has been entrusted to you.
5. Perspective
Remember that you’ll give an account at the resurrection for every idle (that means seemingly tiny, insignificant, unmemorable) thought, word, and deed. At the Judgment Seat of the Lord Christ, you’ll be responsible for living out the gospel in every arena to which the Spirit has led you… including Aunt Flossie’s dining room table.
www.russellmoore.com.
Today, I would like to get practical by offering biblical wisdom regarding work for a few specific groups of people. Those groups are students, stay at home moms and dads, those who don’t like their job, those who love their job, and retirees.
For students:
Even though you’re not paid, you do have a job right now. You do have dominion. That dominion is being a student and taking care of your home with your parents. Don’t neglect your job. There isn’t an opt-in age for dominion, meaning we can all contribute, no matter how old we are. For the youngest, that might just mean helping to put away toys and empty the dishwasher. Even a toddler has dominion and is called to exercise it faithfully. For older students, lean into your dominion. Take more, not less responsibility at home. If you have a part time job, great! Treat it like it’s your career.
No matter what your task is, you are ultimately working for God, not your parents.
Paul says in Colossians 3:23-24, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”
Cleaning your room? That’s dominion. Do it for the Lord! Picking up dog poop? Dominion. Do it for the Lord! The dishes? That’s your dominion. Own it. Do it for the Lord! Schoolwork? Dominion. Do it for the Lord!
“But what about my career (future)?” you might ask. Often, the advice that is given to students is to follow your dreams and passions. That is half-true. If those dreams and passions are good and holy, it is very likely that God is calling you to exercise dominion in that area in some way in your life.[i] If you love art, develop as an artist. If you love football, be the best football player you can be.
Even more so, find passion in whatever you do. Passion is a terrible master, but a good servant. Steward well the education God is calling you to have dominion over. Expand what those areas of dominion look like in your life. It’s likely that one of those areas become your paid vocation one day.
God often calls us to paid vocations that are secondary areas of passion. For example, you might be gifted and have a passion for acting or for art, therefore God probably has an area he is going to call you into to exercise that dominion as an adult. In fact, often adults stop enjoying art and athletics. We shouldn’t! Those are areas God calls us to steward, even when we’re not getting a pay check for them. After all, we’re going to be using those gifts in eternity.
However, statistically speaking, it’s a lot more likely that you’ll be paid to be a nurse or an engineer than an artist or an athlete. And that’s okay. Keep developing the gifts God has given you and keep an open mind about what God might have your paid vocation. God develops perseverance and holiness in us as we serve a need for dominion on this earth.
For stay at home moms and dads:
What I have to say to you is very simple: you are absolutely doing dominion. Regardless of a paycheck, what you are doing is work. You are doing some of the hardest, most meaningful work there is: parenting. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! Thank you for doing one of the hardest and most unthanked job in the world. Thank you!
For those who struggle with their job:
First, be encouraged. Know that just by working, you are fulfilling God’s good purpose in your life. Continue working hard. Paul exhorts the church at Thessalonica this way: “For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.”[ii]
God calls us to work, even when we don’t enjoy it. Blessed are those who work faithfully even when it is hard!
Second, find your purpose in what you are doing. I know firsthand that it can be difficult to see God’s productive purposes in your work. There are, of course, some jobs, that Christians just shouldn’t do, because they don’t serve a redeemable purpose. However, a vast majority of jobs serve a meaningful and God-honoring purpose.
It was hard to go to work when I was a Detention Officer. It is a thankless, hard, and dangerous job. Even then, I found that it has a holy purpose. More than protecting the public from inmates, your first job as a Detention Officer is to protect inmates from other inmates. As a Christian, we are called to treat every inmate as one who bears the image of God. We are called to respect and even love every human being. That truth anchored my purpose in my time as a Detention Officer.
For those who love their job:
I’m so grateful that I can now be counted in this group. Yet danger still lurks for us.
Friends, you were made to work, but you are more than your work. Your identity is as a child of Christ. Christ has done the work for us. On the cross, Christ proclaimed “It is finished!” Those words speak to the finality of our salvation, yes, but even more than that; it speaks also to the work God will use us to do.
Paul says these words of hope about not only our salvation, but our work in Ephesians 2:8-10, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
Is work part of our call? Absolutely. But grace comes first, work is actually God’s grace to us. You are, first and foremost, a child of God. Purchased by the blood of Jesus, adopted by him. That is not a result of anything you’ve done. And the works too are prepared beforehand by God for us and given to us as a grace of God to walk into.
Get your identity right. You are a child, not an indentured servant paying back your master. He has freely given you the gift of your adoption. Don’t be anxious. Don’t work as the world works.
For those who are retired:
Just because you’ve hit 65 doesn’t mean that God’s intention for you to have dominion has expired. While retirement can be a great and beautiful thing, it can also be deadly. Recent studies show that those over 65 spend nearly twice as much time in front of a screen than those under 50.[iii] There is nothing wrong with TV, but we need a purpose bigger than our TV’s. What is your purpose right now? What is your plan for today?
One of the most significant engines of ministry at New Life are retirees who know exactly what their purpose is, and, in turn, pour themselves out in the good works that God has prepared beforehand for them. God calls you to partner with him and find a place where he is working and where your gifts lie.
Finish strong. Live out God’s purpose for your dominion. This is the time to pour out your wisdom, not slouch into the sunset.
For everyone:
God has made us for dominion.
“The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”
When the world looks at Christians, they should be astonished to find that Christians are the hardest working, most cheerful workers there are. We are called to embody the values of the companies we work for, we are called to go the extra mile and wow every employer.
God has made us for work: let us work as he has called us with the passion we can bring with us.
Dear Roger,
My Dad is disrespectful to my mom almost every day, and it upsets me.
He often tells her to stop talking because he’s tired of hearing her talk.
She’s not nagging or anything. She is just sharing her thoughts or about her day. He complains to her about her being overweight and questions her portion sizes while they are eating… and most people consider her a slim woman, as she exercises often, but he thinks she should be as slim as she was when they got married, but that was nearly 40 years ago. He also belittles her when he thinks anything she says is stupid, and he tells her she sounds stupid.
A college graduate who formerly lived away from home, I am currently living at home while working to pay off debt, and I notice these things, and they make me feel sad and tempted to resent my dad. My mom doesn’t like it either but she just figures that this is the way it is. We are all Christians and involved in church.
Do you have any thoughts/advice that could help?
Tiffany
Dear Tiffany,
I feel quite sorry for your mother and what she has to endure. Noone should have to endure abuse from a spouse.
I know that her heart is breaking. I’m sure that on her wedding day she never imagined that her husband might turn out like he has. I am sorry for your mom.
I’m also feeling sorry for you. I’m sorry that you have to watch what’s going on. I hope that I can give you some thoughts and ideas that might help the situation.
Understanding Why Your Father Is Behaving This Way Could Be Helpful.
As I read your email my initial thought is that he is struggling with depression. You might look at his life and see if he’s unhappy in areas besides your mother. If he’s bored with life in general he may be demonstrating the symptoms of depression.
Depression can be both situational as well as chemical. Either way, it might be helpful to encourage him to find a good doctor (if he is receptive) and see if he needs any medical help. Sometimes a doctor recommends utilizing an anti-depressant to overcome depression’s stranglehold on emotions.
He may have a Christian friend (or pastor) he respects who could also encourage and help him. Sometimes wise counsel is better received from a peer than a family member. Counseling is obviously recommended!
He may not admit he has a problem!
So what, as his daughter, can you do?
As you read my words, remember to be lovingly respectful when dealing with your Dad. If you respond in kind, it could make things worse. Your gentleness in handling this is important.
That being said, this is what I might suggest:
Your father is obviously an angry man. This tells us that he’s been hurt. When you get hurt the following emotion is always anger. It’s good to consider where your father might be hurting.
Consider that your mother has become the lightning rod for your father’s anger. He may be transferring his anger onto her. Consider that he may be struggling with disappointment. Life hasn’t turned out the way he imagined. Most of us come to a time in life when we must face the fact that many of our dreams will not come true. How we handle broken dreams makes all the difference in the world.
Recognize that your father’s complaining is really mourning. Mourning can manifest itself in a number of ways. Criticizing, passive-aggressive behavior, giving others the silent treatment, or just being miserable in general can all be signs of mourning. Mourning and hurting are joined together at the hip.
Fortunately, Jesus has given us a model to use in healing someone’s hurts. If we can heal hurts, we can dissipate the anger. Then, there’s a good chance that your father will be a happier person and cease criticizing your mother as much–or hopefully not at all. You and your mother can work together to bring healing.
HOW DO WE HEAL HURTS?
Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are they who mourn for they shall receive comfort.”
Hurts are healed by mourning and comforting. Notice that it takes two people to complete this process—one to mourn and one to comfort.
David Ferguson from Great Commandment Ministries has developed a list of our top 10 emotional needs. We can use these as guides to help heal the hurts of your father and of others as well.
When you see your dad HURTING, COMFORT him. Comfort uses emotional words of sympathy and empathy. For example, “I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Life is not supposed to be this way.” Or, “You must have felt awful when he did that to you.” Or, “My heart aches for you when I see you hurting like this. I’m so sorry.”
If you sense that your father is feeling NEGLECTED, IGNORED or ALONE, give him some ATTENTION.
When you sense that your father is experiencing REJECTION, do some things or say some words that let him know that he is ACCEPTED.
When your father has been ABUSED at work or elsewhere, show him some AFFECTION.
When you notice that your father has been CRITICIZED by others, show him some APPRECIATION.
If your father is struggling with CONDEMNATION, give him some APPROVAL.
Perhaps he’s DISAPPOINTED about something, he needs ENCOURAGEMENT.
Has he recently been RIDICULED, he would probably enjoy some words of RESPECT.
This proactive behavior is healing hurts by meeting needs.
By the way, your mother needs this sort of healing as much as does your father. The truth is, you need it, too.
If your father feels put off or awkward by your meeting these needs, then don’t stop. Take your time and go slowly. Your father, like many hurting people, may well have become a rock of emotional pain. Remember, comfort “tenderizes” rocks.
Your Dad might also observe your empathy and respond to his wife differently.
Remember, Jesus didn’t say, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be told how to fix it.”
Jesus didn’t say, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be given reasons and logic.
He also didn’t say, “Blessed are those who mourn for they’ll be told why they shouldn’t feel that way.”
Neither did he say, “Blessed are those mourn for they’ll be told that others have it much worse.”
Finally, he didn’t say “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be told it’s not nearly as bad as you think.”
He said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall receive comfort.”
Best I can tell, you’ll get a lot of practice and become quite skilled at healing hurts as you work on your father. Hopefully, your efforts and your prayers will impact your father and he’ll stop hurting your mother so deeply.
Tiffany, again let me express my sorrow regarding what’s occurring in your family. As I think about your plight, I find myself hurting for you. It just shouldn’t be this way. I know that your pain cuts deeply into your heart. I’m so sorry.
Let me know how things are coming along.
Love, Roger
Secrets. We all have them, don’t we?
Tucking my son in at bedtime has become quite the confessional. It all started when he remembered taking a pen a year earlier from his teacher’s desk in hopes of surprising his sister later on the bus. Then, as if the dam had broken, a few nights later he remembered “picking up” a box of crayons and putting them in his backpack. I wondered if my usually buttoned up son was on his way to a life of kleptomania.
Another misdemeanor for a second grader but significant, nonetheless. More importantly, the beauty of these precious talks was his heart of brokenness. He confessed through tears that “it feels good to get the junk out.” What came next was most unexpected.
“Mom, have you ever stolen anything?” “Hmmm…actually, yes. When I was younger, I’m sure I snuck a couple things. But I can’t really remember details.”
Then, I confessed that even as a frugal adult—the type that double-checks every receipt to be sure I wasn’t get double-charged—I’d sometimes notice I was undercharged for things but never go back and pay the difference. I felt such shame in that moment. I had never confessed that out loud before. What does that say for me? That I have a heart full of deceit? As tears streamed down my cheek he hugged me saying, “It’s okay mom, we all sin.” My eight year old showered me with grace.
This instigated a discovery in the days that followed. I quickly realized, that most secrets don’t come out this easily.
There are secrets we become slaves to that affect the trajectory of our lives. Deep, painful secrets that we keep for self-preservation or for the protection of others while we endure the painful aftermath. Some reside so deeply that they are blocked from our memory. Others so painful that when triggered, we run the opposite direction. The shame buries us. The guilt leaves us paralyzed.
Do we really believe the truth will set us free?
We often don’t. So, we binge and we purge. We have an unplanned pregnancy. We abort. We are sexually abused. We abuse others. We aren’t attracted to our spouse so we fantasize or have an affair. We drink too much. We flirt too much. We yell at our kids, or stay out late enough to avoid the interaction all together. We covet the lifestyle of others or flaunt our wealth with arrogance. We gossip to make us feel better about ourselves. We keep our friends close, and our enemies even closer.
We become slaves to our secrets.
The thing is, Satan DWELLS in the secret, in the haunting, hidden brokenness. The longer we keep that secret, the more power he has to speak lies into our own identity. We have a crisis of faith; we don’t truly believe that God will hear and lavish us with his love upon our confession. We don’t REALLY believe that we will be made new. So we keep it and hide it and cover it and die from it.
A friend told me recently that she kept her secret of infidelity from her husband for 3 years. Another woman told me recently, she held her secret for 5 years. Another discovered her husband’s secret after 10 years. And yet, another after 18. Overtime, life becomes more about keeping the secret than saving the soul.
The secret often wins.
Perhaps a new day is dawning. Perhaps walls are coming down. Tears are streaming and confessions are starting to pour out like hope reborn. Do you know the main catalyst for this revolution of the heart?
You guessed it. Someone shared their secret.
Someone gave voice to their secret and in doing so, gave permission for another person to share theirs. Naming the one thing that held them captive for years rendered the secret powerless. All at once, the church at large is beginning to echo the chorus of confession. We all begin to bear witness to the bondage that is breaking by secret-sharing. The naming is bringing healing, and healing is bringing freedom. A freedom many of us are experiencing for the very first time. This secret-telling is what’s actually saving us. And this new normal is exactly what will keep us in the light.
But we ought to have another motivation for telling our secret. In Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer reminds us:
“Many young people today journey in the dark, as the young always have, and we elders do them a disservice when we withhold the shadowy parts of our lives. When I was young, there were very few elders willing to talk about the darkness; most of them pretended that success was all they had ever known. As the darkness began to descend on me in my early twenties, I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize that I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.”
Did the generation before us share their secrets? Did you grow up in the midst of secret tellers? Of truth tellers? Of confession bearers? We, as a human race, are simply that—human. And our humanity yields brokenness to the core. The sooner we recognize our profound shadows and shout them from the rooftops, the sooner we find kindred spirits of deliverance and rescue.
Its been said, “If you don’t expose your secret, your secret will expose you.”
Will you be a secret teller for the next generation? Will you show your own humanity for those that are looking up to you? If you did, I’m quite sure the person you are telling would love you more and show you the same grace my son showed me.
Sometimes we forget that we are loved to the level that we are known. Let us be known.
www.qideas.com. Used by permission.
I am studying this week for a Mother’s Day Sermon I will be preaching.
When I start the message prep process, I always begin with prayer and then find a text in the Bible that I will preach.
Since I am preaching on Mother’s Day, I did a study on all the passages of scripture that I might want to preach for a sermon about mothers.
The best sermon ideas come from scripture. So here are some Mothers Day sermon ideas for you.
My hope is that this list will be helpful to save some of you the time of having to find the passages on your own.
Mother’s Day Bible Verses
Note: All scripture below is from the ESV translation.
Jesus Takes Care Of His Mother
25 but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” 27 Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.
Timothy Is The Product Of Great Mothers
1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God according to the promise of the life that is in Christ Jesus, 2 To Timothy, my beloved child: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. 3 I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. 4 As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. 5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. 6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, 7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Honor Your Mother
6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
16 “‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Consequences For Disobeying Your Mother
16 “‘Cursed be anyone who dishonors his father or his mother.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’
20 If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.
17 The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.
Characteristics Of A Great Wife And Mother
10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Let The Lord Build Your House
1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.
2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Proverbs for Mothers
8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,
9 for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
20 My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
21 Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck.
14 The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.
4 Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.
20 A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother.
26 He who does violence to his father and chases away his mother is a son who brings shame and reproach.
27 Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.
6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
22 Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
23 Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding.
24 The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.
25 Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.
15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
A Mother’s (and Father’s) Responsibility For The Spiritual Instruction Of Children
9 “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children— 10 how on the day that you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, the Lord said to me, ‘Gather the people to me, that I may let them hear my words, so that they may learn to fear me all the days that they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children so.’
4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Paul’s Surrogate Mother
13 Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord; also his mother, who has been a mother to me as well.
Hannah Prays To Get Pregnant And Dedicates Her Son To God
1 There was a certain man of Ramathaim-zophim of the hill country of Ephraim whose name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, an Ephrathite. 2 He had two wives. The name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other, Peninnah. And Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.
3 Now this man used to go up year by year from his city to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests of the Lord. 4 On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. 5 But to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. 6 And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb. 7 So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. 8 And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”
9 After they had eaten and drunk in Shiloh, Hannah rose. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. 10 She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. 11 And she vowed a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head.”
12 As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken woman. 14 And Eli said to her, “How long will you go on being drunk? Put your wine away from you.” 15 But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. 16 Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation.” 17 Then Eli answered, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him.” 18 And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.
19 They rose early in the morning and worshiped before the Lord; then they went back to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. 20 And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel, for she said, “I have asked for him from the Lord.”
21 The man Elkanah and all his house went up to offer to the Lord the yearly sacrifice and to pay his vow. 22 But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, “As soon as the child is weaned, I will bring him, so that he may appear in the presence of the Lord and dwell there forever.” 23 Elkanah her husband said to her, “Do what seems best to you; wait until you have weaned him; only, may the Lord establish his word.” So the woman remained and nursed her son until she weaned him. 24 And when she had weaned him, she took him up with her, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour, and a skin of wine, and she brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. And the child was young. 25 Then they slaughtered the bull, and they brought the child to Eli. 26 And she said, “Oh, my lord! As you live, my lord, I am the woman who was standing here in your presence, praying to the Lord. 27 For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. 28 Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.
Praise God Who Answers Prayers For Children
1 Praise the Lord! Praise, O servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord!
2 Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore!
3 From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised!
4 The Lord is high above all nations, and his glory above the heavens!
5 Who is like the Lord our God, who is seated on high,
6 who looks far down on the heavens and the earth?
7 He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap,
8 to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people.
9 He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!
No Mother Is Perfect, But Love Will Overcome Mistakes
8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
How To Love Others
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Solomon Identifies The Real Mother
16 Then two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. 17 The one woman said, “Oh, my lord, this woman and I live in the same house, and I gave birth to a child while she was in the house. 18 Then on the third day after I gave birth, this woman also gave birth. And we were alone. There was no one else with us in the house; only we two were in the house. 19 And this woman’s son died in the night, because she lay on him. 20 And she arose at midnight and took my son from beside me, while your servant slept, and laid him at her breast, and laid her dead son at my breast. 21 When I rose in the morning to nurse my child, behold, he was dead. But when I looked at him closely in the morning, behold, he was not the child that I had borne.” 22 But the other woman said, “No, the living child is mine, and the dead child is yours.” The first said, “No, the dead child is yours, and the living child is mine.” Thus they spoke before the king.
23 Then the king said, “The one says, ‘This is my son that is alive, and your son is dead’; and the other says, ‘No; but your son is dead, and my son is the living one.’” 24 And the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So a sword was brought before the king. 25 And the king said, “Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one and half to the other.” 26 Then the woman whose son was alive said to the king, because her heart yearned for her son, “Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means put him to death.” But the other said, “He shall be neither mine nor yours; divide him.” 27 Then the king answered and said, “Give the living child to the first woman, and by no means put him to death; she is his mother.”
This isn’t an exhaustive list of scripture for Mother’s Day, but I hope this helps you in your sermon preparation!
Re-printed from www.pastors.com. Used by permission
Loving your mother-in-law can be a mixed bag. My mother-in-law made it abundantly clear that she didn’t approve of me from Day One. Her son, an angelic boy scout who surrendered to preach at the age of seven, could do no wrong. Helen had already handpicked Allison, her best friend’s daughter and childhood playmate, as an appropriate match for her perfect child.
Roger and I fell in love at first sight when I began my freshman year at Baylor University. He was a fiery young preacher who needed a pianist/singer to lead worship for his church services. I fit the bill. But I had not come across Mama Helen’s radar yet. When she heard of her son’s evil plot to thwart her arranged marriage, all hell broke loose. Although my future husband and I had been dating seriously for a year, his mom would not permit me to be photographed with him at his ordination.
Her reasons? I talked too much. I wasn’t from his home church. I was too charismatic. And he only wanted me for my body. Are you serious?
Finally, fifteen years and two children later, she decided I was going to stick around. We learned to love each other.
The Bible has much to say about mother-in-laws. Naomi, Moabitess Ruth’s mother-in-law, loved and cherished her widowed daughter-in-law. She was instrumental in helping Ruth to find a godly husband. Manipulative Rebekah caused her son Jacob to deceive her husband Isaac while he lay gasping on his deathbed. I imagine the integrity or lack thereof really influenced Jacob’s treatment of his wives, Leah and Rachel. The melodramatic story would top the ratings charts on daytime television. Lot’s wife’s worldliness almost got her daughters-in-law killed when she refused to leave Sodom under siege. And, Eve, well…how many mother-in-laws do you know who caused the fall of all mankind? Bummer.
Like it or not, if you have a husband, you married the kit and caboodle. You married a family. Whether parents-in-law or adult children realize it or not, the choices that are made are life altering for the entire clan.
For many parents, the grace to love and enfold these new family-members-by-law is a mere continuum of the parental love they enjoy with their own kids. However, some situations may require an attitude adjustment. Inevitably, embarrassing moments and even outright conflicts occur in in-law relationships. Sometime the problem happens not out of a vindictive, hateful motive, but simply out of ignorance or insensitivity.
Many women (and some men) complain that their mothers-in-law are meddling, over-bearing, critical, demanding and possessive.
Now I have walked in their shoes. And I have decided that “mother-in-lawing” is not easy. When I look at my daughters, I see them as little chicks protected under my wings. I can suffocate them and be driven by the fear that their husbands cannot take care of them. My daughters are wonderful! But I always walk the tightrope of watching my words and keeping my expectations in check. Plus I have learned to encourage, encourage, encourage. I also need to trust them to be grownups, to have their own families and to make their own decisions.
What does the Bible teach us about in-law relationships? Here are a few verses:
1. God commands spouses to “leave and cleave.” (Genesis 2:23-24).
A man and woman must leave their birth families and begin a new family, and they are to love and protect each other. A husband who allows his mother or his mother-in-law to interfere with his marriage is not living up to the commandment given to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-33. Husbands, love your wives by setting appropriate boundaries when necessary. Lead your family and mediate conflict.
2. God wants children to honor their parents.“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12. Honor may look like caring for them in old age, respecting them, listening to their wisdom and spending time with them when possible. Many extended families throughout the world often live together in the same house. Grandmothers and mothers-in-law often assist in the care of newborn infants. Share your kids with your parents and in-laws when possible. Don’t rob your children of half the toys; attention and hugs grandparents want to give!
3. Your mother-in-law has needs. “Jesus got up and left the synagogue, and entered Simon’s home Now Simon’s mother-in-law was suffering from a high fever, and they asked Him to help her.” Luke 4:38. Aging parents will need more and more care. Pray for them as well.
4. Be forgiving. Cut each other some slack. Try to walk in the shoes of the other person. My mother-in-law Helen cowered under her bed every night of her childhood, hiding from an alcoholic, abusive dad. She lost her pilot-husband in a fatal plane crash during World War II. She had an anxiety disorder. I should have seen how hard it was for her to live her daily life battling fear and depression. Christians can always give the grace of forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32).
If you can’t love your mother-in-law as a mom, befriend her. If you can’t befriend her, love her as your neighbor. If you can’t love her as your neighbor, love her as your enemy!
Aklak shivered, fighting back tears as he hugged little Kaya for the last time. He would never again gaze into the pudgy round face of his great-grandson. Aklak’s gnarled limbs and weak heart confined him to the corner of the crowded igloo. He could no longer hunt or fish in the desolate wasteland of snow and ice. He was dead weight in a family fighting to survive. Mamook, his son, knew what must be done. He placed his feeble father on a snowy ice floe and pushed him out to sea to die alone. Such was the custom of the Inuit tribe in northern Alaska.
Author and researcher Tim Harford of BBC News records his findings in his article What Happens When We’re Too Old to Be Useful?
“I customarily killed old women. They all died, there by the big river. I didn’t used to wait until they were completely dead to bury them. The women were afraid of me.” No wonder. That’s the account of a man from the Aché, an indigenous tribe in eastern Paraguay, as told to anthropologists Kim Hill and Magdalena Hurtado.
He explained grandmothers helped with chores and babysitting but when they got too old to be useful, you couldn’t be sentimental.
As another anthropologist, Jared Diamond, points out, the Aché are hardly outliers. Among the Kualong, in Papua New Guinea, when a woman’s husband died, it was her son’s solemn duty to strangle her.
In the Arctic, the Chukchi encouraged old people to kill themselves with the promise of rewards in the afterlife.
Getting old is hell. Paul taught that as the outer body wastes away, the inner spirit is renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 5:1-2) NIV However the “wasting away” part is inevitable. Watching your loved ones systematically lose their strength, hearing, sight and mental acuity is heart-breaking for you and gut-wrenching for them.
Not all cultures abandon their elders.
God declared the importance of honoring the elderly in Exodus 20:12:
“Honor your father and mother, that you may have a long, good life in the land the Lord your God will give you.”
Old Testament patriarchs like Jacob were revered in their later years. His offspring helped their father make the arduous journey to see Joseph and his sons in Egypt. It was customary for the patriarch to bless and prophesy over his offspring before he died. After Father Jacob’s passing, we read these words in Genesis 50:1-6:
“Joseph threw himself upon his father’s body and wept over him and kissed him. 2 Afterwards he commanded his morticians to embalm the body. 3 The embalming process required forty days, with a period of national mourning of seventy days. 4 Then, when at last the mourning was over, Joseph approached Pharaoh’s staff and requested them to speak to Pharaoh on his behalf.
5 “Tell His Majesty,” he requested them, “that Joseph’s father made Joseph swear to take his body back to the land of Canaan, to bury him there. Ask His Majesty to permit me to go and bury my father; assure him that I will return promptly.”
Hispanic matriarchs rule the roost of bustling households filled with cousins, sisters, brothers and babies. Tucson, where we served as pastors, is situated one hundred miles north of the Mexican border. Abuelitas and Tios come to Tucson hospitals for cancer treatments and bypass surgeries. I loved to see the surgery waiting rooms filled with hoards of friends and family members. Toda la familia (everyone in the family) watched, waited and prayed.
How do most Americans treat the aged? Too often they look away. I’ve visited a plethora of nursing homes. Many reek with the stench of unwashed bodies, dirty floors and rotting feces. Even the most exclusive facilities still underpay and under-appreciate their employees. Always, always I hear the voice of a demented mother incessantly calling for her son or daughter. It breaks my heart.
One of my dearest friends was the victim of elder abuse. We didn’t discover the hateful mistreatment for five years. Mary was a retired pediatrician who married a multi-millionaire. She gave millions to hospitals, universities and to our church. As Mary’s health began to decline, she wanted to remain in her home and employ a live-in caregiver. Sue was a slick con artist who ingratiated herself by “taking care” of our aging friend. In three years, she siphoned off hundreds of thousands of dollars to bank roll her daughters’ Ivy League educations and lavish lifestyles. Only after a fierce legal battle was Mary freed from her “captor’s” secret threats and emotional abuse.
People are living longer. But are they living better? How can you and I love the elderly in our midst?
- Honor them. God obviously deemed it important or He wouldn’t have proclaimed it the Fifth Commandment. (Exodus 20:12) Webster defines “honoring” as showing great respect, admiration and recognition.
- Listen to them. “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.”(Proverbs 16:31) NIV. Younger adults often consider the words of the aged to be irrelevant and unimportant.
- Meet their emotional needs. Too often we assume that if our loved ones have their physical needs met, we have done our part. They need our devotion, appreciation, affirmation and time more than ever.
- Help them grieve their losses and give them comfort. Their friends have either passed away or are homebound. Most elderly women outlive their husbands. Every time an older person faces an irreversible health issue, they need comfort. Men grieve the loss of independence and earning power.
- Include them. Be sure to celebrate with them! Birthdays, holidays, reunions are wonderful opportunities to cheer your elder family members.
- Give them permission to talk about death and heaven. Family members shy away from talking about death, but it is never far from the older person’s thoughts. Sing to them, read to them and pray for them. Paul was unafraid to talk about his death. Here’s what he wrote to Timothy, his son in the faith:
“ For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous judge shall give me at that day; and not to me only, but unto all them also that love His appearing.” 2 Timothy 4:6-8 KJV
Older family members loved you and carefully cared for your needs. Now it’s your turn.
Dear Roger,
I’ve read that the hospice movement began with Kevorkian and continues to be assisted suicide by morphine, etc.. It seems to me that the drugs used to put hospice patients into a coma and dehydrates them are the main tools of assisted suicide under the guise of “comfort”. I wonder what your take is on this issue, Roger?
Dear S,
My dad died under hospice care—it was one of the best decisions our family ever made.
I remember flying to Dallas on Monday. After dinner dad was being his usual old-positive self as he talked about his exercises and how he was soon going to be back up on his treadmill. Then he turned to me and asked, “Isn’t it a little unusual for you to come to Dallas on a Monday.”
“I just came for a visit.”
“That’s not why you’re here, is it?” I realize now, years later, that he knew exactly why I had come.
“No. Not really. Mom can’t care for you much longer here at home. I came over to help us find a nursing home.”
“Oh”, he said reflectively—and mostly under his breath.
Several months earlier his doctor had told him that there were no more treatments to try for his lymphoma. “Well, I guess this is it,” he said quietly. Then, he quoted once more his favorite Bible verse: “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” I rolled him out to his wheel chair and we drove home.
Three months had passed since those gut-wrenching moments. Now it was time to die. We never made it to the nursing home. Tuesday morning he took a turn for the worse. No nursing home now. It was like he gave up all desire to live. We realized later that he would rather go on to glory than to be in a nursing home. It is lonely there.
The hospice nurse arrived on Tuesday afternoon. We discussed the details and implications of allowing him to die at peace at home with his family instead of in the hospital most probably with tubes and hoses entering and exiting his body
The nurse showed us how to use glycerin to keep his mouth and lips from drying out. Fortunately, he was suffering no pain so there was no need for morphine and/or anti-pain killers.
We talked and shared some special moments on Wednesday. Early that evening he stopped talking and quietly closed his eyes. His breathing dissipated through the evening. About 5:00 a.m. Thursday morning Jesus came and took him to his new home in Heaven. It is not lonely there.
My brother Ronnie and I carried him out of the house and into the mortuary hearse which took his body away.
I can’t tell you how nice it was to spend those final days with him at home. I am forever grateful that he could die at home instead of in a strange room filled with strange people with a breathing mask of some kind in an attempt to gain him just a few more short-days alive.
I am a believer in hospice care.
Hospice is a philosophy of care that focuses on relieving and preventing the suffering of those patients who are nearing death. These symptoms can be physical, emotional, spiritual or social in nature.
Palliative care, unlike regular hospice care, is a specialized type of healthcare which includes all who are terminally ill. Palliative care may be seen as an expanded sphere of hospice which includes patients in all stages of disease, including those undergoing treatment for curable illnesses, those living with chronic diseases, as well as patients who are nearing the end of their lives.
The first hospices are believed to have originated around 1065 during the Crusades. Those wounded and unable to travel were taken to dedicated locals to treat those wounded in battle. The movement has continued in a variety of forms to this very day.
Now, S, let’s get to your questions and straighten out some unfortunate misconceptions . You wrote:
I’ve read that the hospice movement began with Kevorkian and continues to be assisted suicide by morphine, etc.. It seems to me that the drugs used to put hospice patients into a coma and dehydrates them are the main tools of assisted suicide under the guise of “comfort”.
The hospice movement was solidly in place and operating long before Kevorkian came on the scene.
Hospice care often includes the administration of morphine and other pain relieving drugs in order to mitigate suffering and to make dying patients as comfortable as possible. Drugs are never used to induce death. If they are, a crime has been committed.
Drugs are not utilized to put hospice patients into comas nor to dehydrate patients in order to expedite death. What hospice care does is to allow patients to die as comfortably as possible. In my mind there comes a time when a patient can no longer drink. Pouring in IVs to keep them hydrated is an artificial elongation of the natural life span. There comes a time to die. To extend life artificially may make a person late for his/her appointed time to come into God’s presence in Heaven.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:13-16).
I don’t want to miss my appointed day to meet Jesus in Heaven. I have a living will that declares my intention to not have extra heroic efforts to keep me alive after my time has come to die. I hope that I get to die at home on the very day God has planned for me to go off to Heaven. I have an appointment with Jesus and I don’t want to be late.
By the way, euthanasia and suicide end life before it’s time. I also don’t’ want to go early into God’s presence and hear Him say, “What are you doing here? Why are you early? I am not ready for you yet!”
By the way euthanasia will become more of an issue I our country as our economy is unable to keep up with the needs of all the people. Cries for rationed healthcare are increasing. I am not surprised! We have more people than we have money. Where do we draw the line?
Denmark is working on a plan to give no more health care to seniors over a certain age. After all, they reason (not unreasonably so) that the older ones have had their turn at life. Now the money needs to go to help the younger ones who haven’t lived so long.
A physician friend recently told me that one-half of all Medicare expenses occur during the last month of peoples’ lives. If we could just get all the seniors to die one month earlier we could save million of Medicare dollars!
Dealing compassionately with the dying is and has been a problem in every culture. For most cultures throughout the centuries the practice was to set people aside when they can no longer produce and thus become a threat to the viability of the others. It was time to withdraw care. Many Native Americans tribes simply put their old and dying under a trees, packed up the tepees and moved on. Some Eskimo cultures once put their unproductive ones on ice floes and sailed them off to eternity. Most hunter-gatherer societies abandoned their elderly to the elements. The margin of survival for the others was infinitesimal.
So, we do the best we can. Sometimes we forget that most people in the world have no access to health care whatsoever. They die at home without health care and medicine because there is no where else for them to go.
I like our hospice care system much better than those others.
Well, S, thank you for asking. The whole hospice question stares many Boomers in the eyes. Adult children are returning home just as mom and dad need more health care than ever before. Hospice care is a helpful tool that can potentially offer succor and aid to many in today’s sandwich generation.
Thanks again, S. God bless you.
Love, Roger
A wife should be a safe place for her husband. She should be a trustworthy and supportive confidant. Her husband should also praise his wife and be her spiritual leader. He should remove harmful influences from the home. A Christian marriage is always a testimony to others.