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criticism

Bible Studies

Criticism and Satan, the Accuser

by Julie Barrier
written by Julie Barrier

How do you handle criticism? How does one protect himself from the “scourge of the tongue” (Job 5:21)? If you are going to be successful in the Lord’s work, you must find God’s hiding place from one of the most painful weapons in Satan’s arsenal: the critical tongue.

The fact is, for better or for worse, people are going to talk about you. You cannot do the will of God without causing changes, and changes will always cause some to stumble. In fact, Jesus said we were to beware when all men speak well of us. He said we cannot serve two masters; if we are to truly please Him, we cannot be distracted by trying to please everyone else.

At the same time, there is a demonic strategy that is set against those who teach God’s Word and minister to His people. The enemy’s campaign is not only aimed at destroying the shepherd; he also seeks to scatter the sheep. If Satan’s attack is successful, everyone involved will come out of the battle with less love and a hardened heart.

I find it amazing that individuals can react so differently to the same teaching. One will be uplifted and encouraged while another may not only miss the Lord’s blessing, but also actually be offended by an isolated statement.

It seems that for every person who takes the hammer and chisel to make an idol of a preacher, there is someone else with a hammer and spikes ready to crucify him. Unless that man is sustained by the Lord, the pressures against him can be overwhelming.

Most people fail to remember that a minister is just like any other Christian. He or she is not Superman; bullets (and words) do not bounce off his chest. He is not invulnerable to cruel and malicious talk. He is an imperfect person called to serve the living God in the body of Christ; but he is nonetheless just a person.

For most, church is a place where people go to express their worship of God, to be taught, and to have fellowship. But to the man or woman of God, the church is God’s garden. Most of the real work a pastor does is not in the pulpit but in the unheralded service of cultivating love and trust in personal relationships.

In God’s eyes, the church is much more than a meeting place of casual acquaintances or doctrinally united believers. To the Father, the church is a living temple, a human house for the Spirit of His Son. The Bible says that when He placed us in our particular church it actually gave Him pleasure (1 Cor. 12:18). Together with the Holy Spirit, the pastor and elders work to bring the church into a right relationship with God’s love and then to spread that love throughout the entire citywide church.

God has provided honorable ways for people to transfer from one church to another. If someone wants to leave a church to start their own, there are proper ways to receive God’s anointing and be sent. (See Acts 13:1-3.) It is not necessary to find fault and cause a church split. When things are done correctly and in order, people are edified.

But when relationships are severed and destroyed through malicious gossip, or when a developing trust is turned into mistrust through backbiting and criticism, God Himself is angered (Prov. 6:16-19). And if God is offended, how much more difficult is it for His servants to remain aloof from the conflict that sin causes.

The Answer
So how does a man or woman of God find the balance between his basic need to survive and his responsibility to please God? The answer is to put on Christ’s love.

A number of years ago I went through a difficult time during which a handful of people made me the target of ongoing criticism. There is a type of constructive criticism coming through people who love you that teaches and helps you to prosper, and there is a different type of criticism that comes through an embittered spirit that is not meant to correct you but to destroy you. It was the latter relationship that I had with these people.

To be honest, I am sure that there were areas in my life that were out of balance; some of their complaints were justified. Much of what they had to say, however, was said to others behind my back. Our congregation was being destabilized by these individuals. Try as I did, nothing I could say or repent of would silence them.

For three years I sought the Lord, yet He would not vindicate me of their accusations. Instead, He dealt with me. He reached deep into the very substructure of my soul and began to touch hidden areas of my life.

At issue with the Lord was not my sin, but my “self.” The Bible says our sins are ever before us (Ps. 51:3); these I could see. But I had no perspective on my own soul. The Lord allowed this criticism to continue until it unearthed something deeper and more fundamentally wrong than any of my doctrinal interpretations or sins. It unearthed me.

The Holy Spirit began to show me how easily I was manipulated by people’s criticisms, and especially how much my sense of peace was governed by the acceptance or rejection of man. As much as I prayed, God would not deliver me from my enemy. He saved me by killing that part of me that was vulnerable to the devil, and He did it with the accusations themselves.

I will never forget the day it dawned on me that both God and the devil wanted me to die, but for different reasons. Satan wanted to destroy me through slander and then drain me with the unceasing activity of explaining “my side” to people. At the same time, God wanted to crucify that part of my soul that was so easily exploited by the devil in the first place!

It was a pivotal day when I realized that this battle was not going to be over until I died to what people said about me. It was probably at this point that I finally and truly became a servant of God.

Today I stand in awe of what the Lord did during those terrible yet wonderful months. He knew a time would come when the things I wrote would touch the lives of millions of people. To inoculate me from the praise of man, He baptized me in the criticism of man until I died to the control of man.

Do not misunderstand me: I still honestly pray about things submitted to me by others, and I am accountable to other leaders. I even have staff people whose assignment is to give me a critical analysis of my life and work. But I am no longer ruled by man. I live for God’s pleasure, and if I happen to please man, that is His business, not mine.

Adapted from Francis Frangipane’s book, The Shelter of the Most High, available at www.arrowbookstore.com.

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Devotionals

Sticks and Stones

by Lisa Bevere
written by Lisa Bevere

“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.”

Have you ever heard something so ridiculous? Anyone who has ever been crushed under the weight of a snarky comment or snide remark knows the utter falsehood in that statement.

Sticks and stones may very well break your bones—but words? Words can crush your heart.

They hold enormous power.

Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (ESV). James 3:5 reminds us, “The tongue is also a small part of the body, but it can speak big things” (NLV). So what are you speaking over those around you? Are you speaking words of life? Are you proclaiming the largeness of God’s promises, or the smallness of your fears?

Allow me to illustrate with a story. One of my sons struggled through school. His teachers labeled him with a disability. His brothers would pick on him—John and I would tell them he just thinks differently. His brothers would respond with, “but he doesn’t think!” We realized we weren’t nurturing his identity in Christ because we were too busy accepting the labels the world placed on him. We made a conscious choice to start speaking Scripture over him:

You have the mind of the Christ.

You are the head, not the tail.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

As our son started to believe and declare the Lord’s promises over his life, he started to improve in school. He moved into AP classes and landed a place on the honor roll. His progress followed him into his career when he became one of the youngest managers for Apple, whose slogan at the time was fitting: “Think Differently.” We chose to speak life rather than death and the results were evident.

Our words have the potential to create atmospheres where people can thrive. Let’s not use our words to position people for normal, because normal has not served the church well. Rather, let’s position each other for signs, wonders and miracles by speaking God-given identity and destiny into the lives of others.

Let’s remind those entrusted to us that they are sons and daughters of the Most High God. Let’s close our mouths to words that diminish and tear down and open them to release words of life! Our words can either cause others to shrink back and live small lives, or frame a world large enough for them to be heroes in. Which will you choose?

www.lisabevere.com.

 

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Ask Roger

How to Handle Criticism Well

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,
A friend of mine criticized me for some decisions that I’ve made. I believe it is none of his business. However, he is a really good friend, so I am not sure what to do. Should I ignore what he said and not worry about it? Should I feel guilty? Should I defend myself? How should I respond?
Sincerely, Zeke

Dear Zeke,

I’ll be glad to help.

Let’s begin with an Arabic Proverb: “If a person calls you a donkey, pay no attention to him. But if three people call you a donkey, go out and buy yourself a saddle.”

No one enjoys criticism; but healthy, wise criticism is one of the best things that can happen to us. Proverbs teaches, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid” (12:1).

Julie and I were preparing to move from Dallas to Tucson in order to pastor my first full-time church. Several days before we left, a friend shared with me some words of wisdom. I seem to need them often.

He said, “There are people in your church who are quite willing to give you the benefit of the slop.” Over the years, I’ve experienced more criticism than you can imagine … especially from those my wife and I have served together. And if I’ve learned one truth, it’s this: giving and receiving criticism well is an art.

I want to share six general principles to keep in mind about criticism. Then, I’ll give you a seven-step checklist to guide you when you experience criticism.

1. Words are powerful things. Be careful what you say and how you say it.

“All kinds of animals . . . are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human can tame the tongue.” (James 3:7-8)

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” No! That statement is a lie! Never! That’s not how it works.

A punch in the stomach may last for a short time, but a punch in the heart may go on forever.

Mastering your tongue—thinking before you speak—is a difficult discipline. But allowing your tongue to master you will only bring sorrow and pain to you and those you love.

2. You may not know as much about what is going on as you think you do.

“Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear. (Proverbs 25:12)

Near the American Airlines ticket counter at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport is a Mrs. Field’s Cookies shop. A woman with a long layover bought a half-dozen cookies to munch on. She sat down at one of the tables and began to eat her cookies. Then, she decided to get a newspaper. She returned to her table and began to read.

Presently she heard a rattle and looked up from her paper just in time to see a disheveled, long-haired young man reach into the bag, remove a cookie, and begin to munch on it.

She was furious. The gall of the young man! She glared at him and then reached into the bag and pulled out a cookie and ate it while he watched. She returned to her paper.

Presently, the bag rattled again. She put down her paper and saw his hand in the bag again. She was furious! Should she call the police? Should she cry out and admonish him? She gave him a stare of utter disgust and contempt. She reached in the bag and took another cookie. And she ate it. There was only one left. She wanted it.

But then, the young man looked around rather sheepishly and took the last cookie. Finally, he broke the cookie and handed half of it to her. She was outraged. She picked up her purse, gathered up her newspaper, and stomped down to her gate. She sat fuming until her flight was called to board. She opened her purse to get her airline ticket, and there on top was her bag of Mrs. Field’s cookies.

Pay attention to the context of every situation before you react.

3. Consider the source.

Some people can’t be satisfied. Some criticisms aren’t worth engaging. Some people aren’t worth listening to.

“Like a lame man’s legs which hang worthless is a proverb in the mouth of the fool.” (Psalm 26:7)

You can choose whom you allow to speak into your life.

Let me say that again. You can choose whom you allow to speak into your life.

I have to admit that is one of the most difficult lessons I had to learn as a young pastor. I thought that I had to listen and respond to every critique and criticism that came my way—regardless of the person offering it. And it was exhausting. Worse, I made poor decisions based on unwise or even malicious criticism by untrustworthy people.

I reached a point of burnout. Nothing drains you quite like unwise criticism! A wise therapist told me that I could pick and choose who I paid attention to and who I responded to… a revolutionary idea! Applying that truth changed my life.

4. You don’t have to suffer abusive criticism.

“He who corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who approves a wicked man incurs injury.” (Proverbs 9:7)

One day I was on the telephone with a woman who was quite irate. In fact, she was shouting and began calling me names as she began telling me all the things that she didn’t like about the church and me.

I don’t stand there anymore and think that I have a divine responsibility to endure that sort of verbal attack. I tell the abuser, “When you can talk to me like a normal adult, instead of like a three-year-old, let me know. Then, we can finish this conversation. Otherwise, I’m going to hang up.”

Then, I do so, if necessary.

5. Some people are not born again; some people are born against.

“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:5)

After one sermon, a man was excited as he told me how much his mother-in-law was pleased with the service. “I am so glad,” I said.

“No, you don’t understand, you have pleased the unpleasable!”

6. Sometimes it’s best just to be quiet.

“Even a fool is wise if he keeps his mouth shut.” (Proverbs 17:28)

Once upon a time, I was leading a church elder meeting when one of our elders got up and walked around the table until he stood directly behind me. He proceeded to criticize many of the decisions that I had made over the years. He concluded that I was unfit to be their pastor.

My cheeks reddened. I dared not look up. How do I handle this? Fortunately, I knew an applicable Bible verse:

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11).

When he finished, no one agreed. In fact, no one said a word. He wanted an argument. I chose not to give him one. Sometimes, it’s best to be silent.

So, I sat quietly and “took it.” I moved on to the next item on the agenda and ignored his tirade. He never attended another elder meeting.

Sometimes it’s best to be silent.

7 Keys to Remember as You Respond to Criticism

Now, what should you do when someone approaches you with criticism? Here are seven keys to remember as you respond.

1. Stop and look at the person. Criticism is serious business.

“The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death.” (Proverbs 13:14)

“The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” (Proverbs 12:15)

2. Listen to what they have to say. Don’t answer too quickly.

“He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)

3. Resist the temptation to defend yourself. Don’t accuse or use labels.

“Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.” (Proverb 23:9)

4. Don’t act like a fool. Don’t change the subject or joke.

“The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin.” (Proverbs 10:8)

5. Restate what you think the critic said in your own words. Then, let them have a turn until you both agree on what the critic is actually saying.

“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.” (Proverbs 16:21)

6. Apologize, if appropriate.

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, and you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight so you are justified in your sentence and blame us in your judgment.” (Psalm 51:1-4)

7. Evaluate carefully. If the criticism is valid, make changes accordingly. If not, ignore it.

“The simple believe everything, but the wise look where they are going.” (Proverbs 14:15)

Well, I hope that this is helpful to you.

Love, Roger

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Articles

The Power of a Blessing

by Deborah Haddix
written by Deborah Haddix

Remember: List 5-10 things you remember from childhood.

Now, go back and scan your list. How many of those memories are negative in nature?

Don’t be alarmed if most of the things you remembered were negative. It turns out this is normal, even if our childhood was heavily filled with pleasant experiences.

Consider the following 2 explanations.

Psychological and Physiological

According to Clifford Nass, Thomas M. Storke Professor at Stanford University and director of the Communication between Humans and Interactive Media (CHIMe) Lab, the fact that we tend to remember the negative over the positive “is a general tendency for everyone.” Yes, he explains “Some people do have a more positive outlook, but almost everyone remembers negative things more strongly and in more detail.”

In the book, The Man Who Lied to His Laptop: What Machines Teach Us About Human Relationships which he co-authored with Corina Yen, Nass says, “The brain handles positive and negative information in different hemispheres.” Furthermore, the authors assert, negative emotions generally involve more thinking, and the information is processed more thoroughly than positive ones. Thus, we tend to ruminate more about unpleasant events — and use stronger words to describe them.

Another interesting point offered by Professor Nass is that we generally tend to see people who say negative things as smarter than those who offer positive input. Therefore, we are more likely to give greater weight to critical comments.

A Metaphor

In their book, How Full is Your Bucket?, authors Donald O. Clifton and Tom Rath use the filling or emptying of a bucket as a metaphor for positive and negative interactions with others.

The authors imagine that each of us carries a bucket as part of our daily attire – a bucket that needs to be filled with positive experiences or words. The premise is that when we are negative towards others, we are using a dipper to remove from another’s bucket. Conversely, when we treat others in a positive manner, we fill not only their bucket but ours as well.

The authors also make mention of “the magic ratio” of positive-to-negative experiences in connection to the bucket filling. “The magic ratio” is 5:1. (In other research, the ratio was listed as anywhere from 3:1 to 6:1.)   This ratio means it takes five positive comments to “undo” one negative comment.  Or five fillings of a bucket to outweigh one dipping!

Applications

What does all this mean for us – who are now helping shape the memories of our children and grandchildren?

Criticism

Realizing the magnitude of weight heaped on by our negative words and experiences, we must take care. Instead of slinging a constant barrage of criticism, we would do well to learn to offer criticism constructively – and sparingly. Most people, adults included, can take in only one critical comment at a time.

Encouragement and Affirmation

Five positives to one negative. That’s the ratio. Perhaps it’s time to focus on the positive by offering encouragement and affirmation.

ENCOURAGEMENT – words or actions that offer support, confidence, and hope.

Encouragement looks forward, painting a bright future of something that “could be.” Think of it as “cheerleading.”

AFFIRMATION – words or actions that confirm something that has already happened.

Affirmation looks backward, corroborating actions and events that have been observed.

“Therefore encourage one another and build up one another….”

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NASB)

www.deborahhaddix.com.

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Devotionals

Insensitive Words

by Max Lucado
written by Max Lucado

Insensitivity makes a wound that heals slowly. If someone hurts your feelings intentionally you know how to react. You know the source of the pain. But if someone accidentally bruises your soul, it’s difficult to know how to respond.

Someone at work criticizes the new boss who also happens to be your dear friend. “Oh, I’m sorry—I forgot the two of you were so close.”

A joke is told at a party about overweight people. You’re overweight. You hear the joke. You smile politely while your heart sinks.

What was intended to be a reprimand for a decision or action becomes a personal attack. “You have a history of poor decisions, John.”

Someone chooses to wash your dirty laundry in public. “Sue, is it true that you and Jim are separated?”

Insensitive comments. Thoughts that should have remained thoughts. Feelings which had no business being expressed. Opinions carelessly tossed like a grenade into a crowd.

And if you were to tell the one who threw these thoughtless darts about the pain they caused, his response would be “Oh, but I had no intention…I didn’t realize you were so sensitive!” or “I forgot you were here.”

Listed under the title of subterfuge is the poison of insensitivity. It’s called subterfuge because it’s so subtle. Just a slip of the tongue. Just a blank of memory. No one is at fault. No harm done.

Perhaps. And, perhaps not. For as the innocent attackers go on their way excusing themselves for things done without hurtful intention, a wounded soul is left in the dust, utterly confused. “If no one intended to hurt me, then why do I hurt so badly?”

God’s Word has strong medicine for those who carelessly wag their tongues.

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.1

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.2

He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.3

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.4

The message is clear: He who dares to call himself God’s ambassador is not afforded the luxury of idle words. Excuses such as “I didn’t know you were here” or “I didn’t realize this was so touchy” are shallow when they come from those who claim to be followers and imitators of the Great Physician. We have an added responsibility to guard our tongues.

These practical steps will purge careless words from your talk:
1. Never tell jokes that slander.
2. Never criticize in public unless you: have already expressed your disappointment with the other person in private, have already taken someone with you to discuss the grievance with the person, and are absolutely convinced that public reprimand is necessary and will be helpful.
3. Never say anything about anyone in their absence that you wouldn’t say in their presence.

Insensitive slurs may be accidental, but they are not excusable.

1 James 3:6
2 Proverbs 21:23
3 Proverbs 13:3
4 Proverbs 10:19

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Ask Roger

If You Are Going to Judge Others, Do It Right!

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

It seems like many people use the phrase, “Don’t judge me,” to justify any sort of behavior. In Matthew 7:1-2 Jesus says, “Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” What does this mean?

Dear Lee,

I believe that today’s eroding culture with no absolutes is developing into a society where people feel free to do anything they want with no consequences.

Hence, we often hear “You have no right to judge me because I have the freedom to do anything that I want.”

We need to remember that the framers of the American Constitution were clear in saying, “We have the freedom to do what is right.” The idea that we can do anything we want is foreign to the United States Constitution.

We would expect a “don’t judge me” attitude from a humanistic, self–driven, uninhibited, and spiritually lost world of people who do not know Christ.

Unfortunately, we often find the same sort of attitude from Christians. When that occurs, we have to make ‘judgment calls.’

For example, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently” (Galatians 6:1).

We find here two judgment calls we must make. First, we have to choose which Christians are spiritually qualified to confront those in sin. Second, we must choose whether or not this person’s behavior is a sin.

If you ever go to the Chicago airport you want to be certain to stop by Mrs. Paul’s Cookies. They are big, juicy, and filled with nuts, chocolate, fruit, and cinnamon. I try to stop there every time we fly through Chicago.

I love this story:

A woman passing through O’Hare airport bought a small package of Mrs. Paul’s cookies. A young man sat alone at a table for four. She asked if she could sit down; he graciously consented. She pulled out her newspaper and proceeded to read. Presently she heard the crinkle of paper. She peered over her newspaper to see the young man take a cookie out of the bag. She was incensed. So, she took a cookie and pulled the bag to her side of the table. Moments later the bag crinkled. The young man was at it again. She glared at him, pulled the bag back over to her side and took out another cookie for herself. She watched incredulously as he reached in the bag and withdrew the last cookie. She glared as he broke the last cookie, slid one half across the table; put the other half in his mouth. Angry, incensed and fuming, she proceeded to her gate and waited for her plane to board. Finally, it was time to get on. She opened her purse to retrieve her boarding pass, and there right on top was her bag of Mrs. Paul’s cookies.

Lee, making accurate judgment calls is difficult. So many things get in the way. If we choose to enter into the judging arena, here are eight truths about how Christians can do it right:

1. Jesus warns us not to live with a judgmental heart. However, when we must make a ‘judgment call,’ our work is not finished until we help with restoration.

Understanding Jesus’ teaching of, “Don’t Judge,” needs all the verses from Matthew 7:1-12.

Let me summarize Jesus’ teaching. Then we can more clearly understand and apply his teachings on judging.

– Don’t judge.

– Take beam out of your own eye—then you will be able to take twig out of your brother’s eye.

– Discriminate carefully who you can or can’t approach.

– Don’t cast pearls before pigs.

– Insight and compassion are essential.

– Ask, seek, and knock and the Father will give you what you need to help those stuck in the mud get cleaned up and on their way again.

– Follow the ‘Golden Rule’ to treat people as you would have them treat you.

2. Christians are primarily in the loving and need-meeting business—not the judging.

Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. – Matthew 7:1-2

This critical spirit reminds me of the conscientious wife who could never please her ultra-critical husband. At breakfast, if the eggs were scrambled, he wanted them poached. If they were poached, he wanted them scrambled. One morning, the wife had a stroke of genius. She poached one egg and scrambled the other. He peered at the plated and snorted, “You scrambled the wrong one.”

A number of church surveys, including those by Barna.com, asked non-Christians why they didn’t go to church. The comments were alarming:

For example, they said things like: “Christians are those who are against this and that. They’re always protesting something.”

78% of those surveyed said that evangelical Christians are “the most judgmental people in America.”

Many lost people today are staying away from church in droves. Why? They feel more condemnation than compassion.

The early Christians were known as the people who loved God and loved each other. Somewhere through the years we lost that reputation.

Jesus is warning us of the sin of seeking out the worst instead of the best in others. I know some people who are always looking to find the worst in others. 

3. The job of the Holy Spirit is to judge and convict. The job of a Christian is to love and meet needs.

The Holy Spirit’s job is to judge and convict.

Jesus told his disciples that he would send the Holy Spirit to convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment (John 16:7-8).

The Christian’s job is to love and meet needs.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

We often get these two mixed up.

The time has come to stop playing someone else’s Holy Spirit.

4. If we choose to enter the judging arena, we must first clean up our own lives.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. – Matthew 7:3-5

Christ is saying that in our condition we are quite incapable of condemning or judging anyone.

We each need to fix our own eye before working on our brother’s eye.

I remember the story of a woman who spent most of her life judging people as worthy for heaven or hell. When she died and went to heaven she was shocked to discover that no one expected her!

Judging work is for the spiritually mature.

5. We approach people as “brothers and sisters” who need to be restored—not as targets who need to be condemned.

This involves time and sacrifice on our part.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. – Galatians 6:1-2

Who is our brother/sister? Someone with whom there is a relationship, and to whom there is a measure of accountability. The purpose is always remedial, to correct and restore.

All of this flows out of a context of relationships.

Can you imagine that shouting at people you have no relationship with might not do much good?

Once upon a time I marched in a pro-life demonstration. We circled the abortion clinic calling the women who entered things like, “murderer” and “baby killer.” Some women turned away. Others hung their head in shame and still entered the office.

Then, I bowed my head in shame. Paul said, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently (Galatians 6:1-2).”

I stepped out of line and decided that my energy needed to be more with the Crisis Pregnancy Center whose goals are to support, love, and care. Love stands by and gives solutions. Yes, the babies must be saved, but the mothers need redemption and salvation too.

Am I willing to walk with them through the process of redemption?

The ultimate goal of any discipline or criticism is to leave the person with the feeling that he has been helped, not condemned.

6. We discern receptivity. Not everyone is approachable.

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces (Matthew 7:6).”

This verse is easy to understand if you know that Jesus used a literary form called a chiasm

The first phrase rhymes with the fourth phrase and the second phrase rhymes with the third phrase.

I’ll write it out for you: “Do not give dogs what is sacred. If you do, they may turn and tear you to pieces. Do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet.”

Will the person you’re approaching be receptive or not? Will they perhaps mock and make fun?

Jesus may have been thinking of Proverbs 9:7-8 when he said “Don’t judge.” Rebuke a wise man and he will love you. However the opposite is also true.

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. – Proverbs 9:7-8

7. Eventually we will seek God’s wisdom on how best to minister to brothers and sisters who have slipped off the track.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! – Matthew 7:7-11

We usually look at these verses in such a selfish, personal perspective. Look again. They are in the context of getting good gifts so we can help meet the needs of others.

God is showing us the heart of a Father for His kids.

This is the heart we are to have in helping people who have messed up their lives. If all you are going to do is criticize then keep your mouth shut. If you are going to intercede and bear their burdens then figure out how to meet their needs and go help restore them.

The right heart motivates us to intercede for these people.

Could you imagine that taking the time to minister to real, deep-seated needs—instead of instantly wanting to judge people’s faults—might be what God calls compassion?

8. We treat people as we would like to be treated.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. – Matthew 7:12

Who likes to be yelled at? When you have messed up your life, who do you want to help you? Someone who criticizes you and tells you all the things you did wrong and leaves you feeling condemned and destroyed?

Or, do you want someone who comes along side of you and puts their arm around you and helps you out of the mud?

I think we know the answer to that.

Well, Lee, if you’re already spiritually mature, judge well. If not, continue spiritual growth until you’re ready and able.

Love, Roger

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Don’t Let Toxic People Destroy Your Emotional Health

by Caroline Leaf
written by Caroline Leaf

How do we stay emotionally and physically healthy with toxic people around us? Dr. Caroline Leaf writes:

“Let’s face it: people can be too much at times. In fact, occasionally things will get so toxic that a deserted cabin in the middle of the wilderness can sound quite appealing!

We cannot run from the ugly side of humanity. Every day we can potentially face a toxic experience in one form or another, whether this is an email, text message, conversation, meeting and so on. We need to learn how to deal with such situations, not run from them. As I am sure you know, toxic people can be upsetting and mess with our emotions and mental health, so the sooner we learn to manage the way other people choose to react, the better off we will be (both mentally and physically).

Even friends and family can unknowingly, or knowingly, create toxic environments! Yet, as Warren Buffet wisely says,

“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.”

This quote has helped me so much, so I wanted to share it with you and give you some tips that I have developed that have really helped me and others learn how to manage toxic situations.

First, you need to realize that you can’t control what another person chooses to think and say, but you can control your emotional reactions to them, as I discuss in my books Switch on Your Brain and Think, Learn, Succeed. If you choose to give people power over you by continually ruminating over what they said or did, you will to continue to suffer, damaging your brain and mental health in the process. And, if you have developed a pattern of overreacting and being too sensitive (for more on overcoming this see my recent blog post), you can get stuck in a toxic reaction cycle that will directly affect the quality of your mental life.

You need to stop and ask yourself “what kind of person am I becoming?”. Are you developing a victim mentality? Do you want to keep suffering like this? Are you becoming overly self-involved and inward-focused? As Buffet said, true power is restraint. This is key in managing toxic situations: most people are way too reactive and do not develop their self-restraint and self-regulation; living this way makes them miserable!

This type of restraint particularly applies to your thought life. You may be thinking something about someone’s motives, but it is not necessarily true. It is important to remember that assumptions are, by and large, the mother of all mess-ups! You can never truly know what another person is thinking, even if you know that person well.

Restraint also means taking a step back and observing a situation logically, as Buffet says. It means reminding yourself that you have control—you aren’t under someone’s power unless you allow it. Indeed, you can’t be offended unless you take offense!

If you let your toxic emotions grow unchecked by constantly thinking about them and ruminating on your feelings, you will feel worse because the resultant neurochemical chaos will cause brain damage and dramatically affect your mental and physical wellbeing. Do you really want to give people that much power over your life? Remember, “if words control you, then everyone can control you”!

You need to be honest with yourself: are you letting other people control you? Are you walking around hurt and upset? Do you constantly see yourself as a victim? Is everyone always attacking you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it may be time to shift your thinking!

When you are faced with a toxic person or situation, the best thing you can do is STOP, allow some time to pass, and do a 5-step “mental autopsy”. This has really helped me learn how not to react to toxic people or situations, and can help you too:

1. Practice breathing in and out deeply to control your cortisol and adrenalin levels (which are good but can cause havoc when they flood the brain and body) and calm your HPA axis. This, in turn, will help you get clarity of thought and defog your mind. For example, say you were just sent a really nasty email from a colleague. Don’t respond in a reactive way! Stop, breathe in for 3 counts, and breathe out for 3 counts. This will dissipate excess cortisol and help your mind clear and your emotions stabilize.

2. Recognize and name your reaction. For instance, using the email example above, describe how you feel out loud: “I feel hurt, attacked, defensive…” and ask yourself why. Observe your thinking, and have a discussion with yourself.

Writing down your thoughts can also help you manage and examine your thoughts and emotions. Don’t do this for too long, just a few moments—the purpose of this exercise is to help you name your emotions, such as “I feel hurt because I…”. Writing down your emotions and naming or putting your feelings down on paper can help bring fluency and clarity to your thinking and reduce the overwhelming effect of your emotions.

My new app Switch is a great tool for helping you go through this process. It is based on my 5-step program, which is designed to help you identify and eliminate the root of your toxic reactions, and help you build a healthy new thinking habits through the mental process of reconceptualization.

3. Next, I want you to intentionally and deliberately separate the toxic emotions behind your thoughts and words and the logic of the situation apart. Visualize this: imagine a scary, ugly, toxic tree with all your negative emotions and attitudes. Imagine ripping the emotions off this tree, and seeing the well-defined branches with all the information of the situation hanging on the tree in a clear and clinical way, which will give you insight into what to do next. You are essentially imagining taking the threat of the turbulent emotions away from the thought “tree”.

4. Now, focus on the content and words of this tree, which will help you see the actual problem or issue that was previously blocked by your toxic emotions. When you try see things through a veil of emotions, it is like trying to drive through a storm with no windscreen wipers–you can’t see properly and can end up in some serious trouble!

So, using the email example above, when you mentally divorce yourself from your immediate emotional reaction, you can perhaps see that the person who sent the email is frustrated because of “so and so…”, and, putting yourself in their shoes, you can choose to see if there was something you can learn from the situation in order to improve your communication with this person and so on. By doing this, you can transform a potentially explosive situation into a productive learning experience! 

The key is to focus on the logic of the situation, which is separated from your emotions and feelings.

5. This brings me to step 5: work out a solution in order to progress forward in a way that can transform the toxic experience into a good “ahah!’ moment.

Once again, using the email example above, you can respond in a composed and logical manner to your colleague, and set up a call or in-person meeting to calmly discuss the situation and improve your future communication, even if you don’t agree on something. This kind of reaction can not only improve your relationship, but also your productivity!

We can’t just focus on our feelings, even though it is important we acknowledge them. We need to find concrete solutions or come up with a plan of action, which is the only way we can truly move forward.

To sum it all up, we need to learn to be kind to ourselves and to others. It is so important that we control how we react and respond to people—this can mitigate relationship disasters and improve our own mental health.

Of course, this does not mean that we agree on everything, but we learn how sometimes it is okay to “agree to disagree”, and that sometimes we don’t know everything! Indeed, at the end of the day, you will never truly know what really motivates someone’s words or actions. You may be able to guess to a certain extent, but you will never get beyond a 70% accuracy rate, so stop yourself going down that dangerous road. Assumptions are often toxic: you can end up wasting a lot of your mental energy on things that do not contribute to your quality of life or your success. As the saying goes, ‘ain’t nobody got time for that!'”

www.drleaf.com. Used by permission.

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Handling Harsh Words

by Tim Keller
written by Tim Keller

Are you open to criticism? Do you listen when people oppose you or do you raise your defenses? Pastor Tim Keller shares his thoughts on handling criticism with grace:

“Recently several people have asked me ‘how do you deal with harsh criticism?’ In each case, the inquirer had felt stung by what they felt were unfair attacks on him or her. In this internet age, anyone can have their views censured unfairly by people they don’t know. So what do you do when that happens? Here’s is the gist of the counsel I give people when they ask me about this. For years I’ve been guided by a letter by John Newton that is usually entitled “On Controversy.”
 
The biggest danger of receiving criticism is not to your reputation, but to your heart. You feel the injustice of it and feel sorry for yourself, and it tempts you to despise not only the critic, but the entire group of people from which they come. “Those people…” you mutter under your breath. All this can make you prouder over time. Newton writes: “Whatever…makes us trust in ourselves that we are comparatively wise or good, so as to treat those with contempt who do not subscribe to our doctrines, or follow our party, is a proof and fruit of a self-righteous spirit.” He argues that whenever contempt and superiority accompany our thoughts, it is a sign that “the doctrines of grace” are operating in our life “as mere notions and speculations” with “no salutary influence upon [our] conduct.”
 
So how can you avoid this temptation? First, you should look to see if there is a kernel of truth in even the most exaggerated and unfair broadsides. There is usually such a kernel when the criticism comes from friends, and there is often such truth when the disapproval comes from people who actually know you. So even if the censure is partly or even largely mistaken, look for what you may indeed have done wrong. Perhaps you simply acted or spoke in a way that was not circumspect. Maybe the critic is partly right for the wrong reasons. Nevertheless, identify your own short-comings, repent in your own heart before the Lord for what you can, and let that humble you. It will then be possible to learn from the criticism and stay gracious to the critic even if you have to disagree with what he or she has said.
 
If the criticism comes from someone who doesn’t know you at all (and often this is the case on the internet) it is possible that the criticism is completely unwarranted and profoundly mistaken. I am often pilloried not only for views I do have, but also even more often for views (and motives) that I do not hold at all. When that happens it is even easier to fall into a smugness and perhaps be tempted to laugh at how mistaken your critics are. “Pathetic…” you may be tempted to say. Don’t do it. Even if there is not the slightest kernel of truth in what the critic says, you should not mock them in your thoughts. First, remind yourself of examples of your own mistakes, foolishness, and cluelessness in the past, times in which you really got something wrong. Second, pray for the critic, that he or she grows in grace. Newton talks about it like this:
 
“If you account [your opponent] a believer, though greatly mistaken in the subject of debate between you, the words of David to Joab concerning Absalom are very applicable: ‘Deal gently with him for my sake.’  The Lord loves him and bears with him; therefore you must not despise him, or treat him harshly.  The Lord bears with you likewise, and expects that you should show tenderness to others, from a sense of the much forgiveness you need yourself.  In a little while you will meet in heaven; he will then be dearer to you than the nearest friend you have upon earth is to you now.  Anticipate that period in your thoughts; and though you may find it necessary to oppose his errors, view him personally as a kindred soul, with whom you are to be happy in Christ forever.”
 
So whatever you do, do anything you can to avoid feeling smug and superior to the critic. Even if you say to yourself that you are just ‘shrugging it off’ and that you are not going to respond to the criticism, you can nonetheless conduct a full defense and refutation in the courtroom of your mind, in which you triumphantly prove how awful and despicable your opponents are. But that is a spiritual trap. Newton’s remarks about this are very convicting:
 
“A man may have the heart of a Pharisee, while his head is stored with orthodox notions of the unworthiness of the creature, and the riches of free grace.  Yea, I would add, the best of men are not wholly free from this leaven; and therefore are too apt to be pleased with such representations as hold up our adversaries to ridicule, and by consequence flatter our own superior judgments.  Controversies, for the most part, are so managed as to indulge rather than to repress his wrong disposition; and therefore, generally speaking, they are productive of little good.  They provoke those whom they should convince, and puff up those whom they should edify.  I hope your performance will savor of a spirit of true humility, and be a means of promoting it in others.”

redeemercitytocity.com. Used by permission.

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Why is it Difficult to Follow a Pessimist (or a Realist) Leader?

by Carey Nieuwhof
written by Carey Nieuwhof

So…if you had to describe yourself, would you say you’re an optimist, a pessimist, or as pessimists like to say in social settings to be polite, a realist?

For the record…my current theory is that realists are pessimists who don’t want to call themselves pessimists.

Most leaders (not all, but most) are optimists when they start out. I was. I’m an idealist.

But as you may have discovered, your optimism gets tested—really tested—in leadership.

Leadership not only throws you curve balls, it throws you hardballs. As in a 103 mile an hour fastball aimed right at you.

Which is why so many leaders find themselves in a place where they hardly recognize themselves anymore.

The budding idealist feels his heart go flat.

The eternal optimist finds herself rolling her eyes the next time someone says “Hey, I have a great idea.”

And the guys who used to roll out of bed in the morning excited about the future now thinks about the grind and winces at the thought of yet another meeting where nothing will get accomplished.

Recognize that person?

For so many reasons, I found my pessimism growing exponentially in my first decade of leadership.

Then, after a tough battle with burnout, came out on the other side to reclaim my optimism, which is, fortunately, absolutely possible. (I outline the journey and the principles on how to do it here.)

Here’s what I’ve learned. Pessimism and cynicism go hand in hand. Scratch the surface of a pessimist, and you’ll almost always find a cynic.

Sure, it’s hard not to grow cynical in the world we live in. In fact, a lot of people think cynicism is inevitable in life and leadership. That once a cynic, always a cynic.

But here’s the truth. Life doesn’t make you cynical. Leadership doesn’t make you cynical. You make you cynical.

Cynicism and pessimism aren’t inevitable and they are reversible.

If you’re interested in some help with that, I just released a free 5-day devotional plan on YouVersion that can help you wrestle down cynicism. (The surprise for many people is that their cynicism is also a spiritual issue.)

And if you want deeper motivation to change, how about this, leaders? It’s harder to follow a cynic than it is to follow an optimist in leadership.

Cynics think they’re better leaders because they have it all figured out.

But what they miss is that it’s actually really hard to follow a cynic for at least three reasons.

Here they are (and there’s some big help at the end of this post too…so keep reading.)

1. A NEGATIVE VIEW OF THE FUTURE INSPIRES NO ONE

Has a pessimist ever inspired you?

Didn’t think so.

What unites cynics, pessimists and realists? A negative view of the future.

The financial forecast is bleak.

The trends are negative.

People have tried this before, and it hasn’t worked. And while it may be a great idea, pessimists can tell you 100 reasons you’re probably going to fail.

Guess what?

A negative view of the future inspires no one.

Cynics never change the world. They just tell you why the world won’t change.

Even in the throes of one of the darkest moments of the 20th century as Hitler swept over Europe, Winston Churchill saw how bleak the future looked and–against all odds —cast a vision for hope and freedom.

People thought Churchill was naive and stupid. Fortunately for millions, his stubborn vision for a better world won the day.

There’s a fine line between discernment and negativism.

The discerning see the obstacles, plan for them, and then forge ahead with hope. And they inspire dozens, thousands or millions to follow.

There’s enough darkness in the world. What the world needs are brokers of hope.

2. PESSIMISM HAS NO VISION FOR THE FUTURE

One of the challenges of having a consistently pessimistic view of life is that you end up with no vision for the future.

Pessimists know what’s wrong. They just can’t figure out what’s right. Similarly, pessimists don’t know what they’re for. They only know what they’re against.

How can you build a vision for the future around that?

Exactly, you can’t.

When cynicism and pessimism infect the senior leadership of any organization, vision becomes a serious challenge.

Instead of focusing on what they can accomplish, pessimistic leaders focus on what they can’t accomplish. As a result, nothing gets accomplished.

This is why, when a negative mindset takes over the senior leadership of any organization, you see a shift from leadership to management.

Instead of leading into a better future you create, you manage the current reality you have.

Sure, leadership without management produces chaos.

But management without leadership produces a constantly shrinking organization.

If you have no vision for the future, you end up with no future.

3. ENCOURAGEMENT WILL DIE…FAST

I recently heard Frank Blake, former CEO of the Home Depot, drop this line in an interview he was giving:

We’re all pretty disappointed in ourselves.

Then he dropped the mic. No, he didn’t, but okay, he could have.

You know what most of us need every day?

Encouragement. Massive encouragement.

I have never met a single person I encouraged who said Carey, can you please stop? I’ve had my lifetime dose of encouragement. I’ve had enough.

Anyone who has sat down with a board of bean counters or cynics knows how frustrating it can be to share ideas knowing that they’ll be shut down or spun in the most negative light.

I agree with Jim Collins, reality is your friend. So is sober thought.

But fundamentally leaders are dealers in hope. You have to find the gold in people (thank you Brian Houston). Your job is to find the one thing that might work in a sea of things that won’t work.

Encouragement is the fuel people run on.

If you want to motivate your team, encourage them, deeply, honestly and constantly call out the best of them.

If you want to discourage your team, point out why everything they’re doing won’t work.

If pessimism infects your culture, encouragement is one of the first casualties. And when encouragement dies, so does hope.

MOTIVATED? 3 THINGS THAT WILL HELP YOU RECLAIM YOUR OPTIMISM

If you need some encouragement and some concrete help to overcome cynicism, pessimism and negativism, here are three things that can help.

A SHORT CYNICISM QUIZ

How badly infected has your mindset become? It’s a good question, and it can be hard to tell.

I developed a short, free cynicism quiz that might help you assess where you’re at.

You can take it for free here

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How You Can Spot the Pessimists and Cynics in Your Life

by Carey Nieuwhof
written by Carey Nieuwhof

We’ve all had our share of cynics and pessimists try to dissuade us from action.

We live in an age in which there is no shortage of opinion. The challenge these days in leadership (and in life) is that a lot of those opinions are not particularly helpful.

On most teams, boards and in most organizations and churches you’ll find cynics and pessimists who are constantly offering opinions on what you should do, or more frequently, not do.

The question you have is this: how do you handle the cynics and pessimists, whose usual response to your new idea is to explain to you why it won’t work, why it’s doomed to fail or why it’s simply not worth pursuing?

Of course, cynics and pessmists rarely own up to being who they are. Instead, they tell you they’re realists.

Realism is often just a thin disguise for the much deeper problems of cynicism and pessimism.

Realism is often just a thin disguise for the much deeper problems of cynicism and pessimism.

CLICK TO TWEET

The worst thing about the constant barrage of negative voices is that they snuff out hope. And you never get to a better future without hope.

So how should you respond? How do you keep hope alive when the cynics and pessimists keep telling you it can’t happen and it won’t happen?

Here are five ways to handle the negative voices that come your way.

You never get to a better future without hope.

CLICK TO TWEET

1. CONSIDER THE SOURCE

Cynics and pessimists often have opinions on everything. But drill down a little further and you’ll soon discover that in their personal lives, they’ve rarely attempted anything.

Never trust those who have opinions on everything and attempt nothing with their own life.

Never trust those who have opinions on everything and attempt nothing with their own life.

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RedditUser218 can point out everything that’s wrong with everybody else, but scroll through his profile and feed and you’ll soon discover he’s in the business of doing nothing significant other than tearing down others who are attempting to do good things…or anything.

Similarly, Twitter dude with the cartoon avatar and 113 follower likely isn’t making any original contribution of his own. Check his feed, and you’ll soon see he spends his days shooting down others who do.

Criticism is not a spiritual gift. If the only thing you contribute to a conversation is criticism, you haven’t contributed at all.

Criticism is not a spiritual gift.

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So when you’re sorting through the various voices that have come your way, consider the source.

It’s not that all negative opinions are bad opinions. Sometimes what you’re saying or doing needs correction in whole or in part.

But what’s I’ve found is that the best critiques come from people who are attempting to do something significant with their lives. I don’t mean famous. It could be as simple as the parent who is trying to organize all the other parents at their school or in their neighborhood. Or the barista who is hustling hard and trying to make each customer have a great experience. Or the student who is getting up early to ace her courses.

That kind of critique can be very valuable, because it comes from someone who’s in the game and trying to make a difference.

They’re the kind of people you can build the future of your church or organization on. So lean in.

But if you’re hearing from the person who has nothing but negative things to say and is honestly attempting little to nothing with their own lives—well, that’s a different story.

After all, cynics never change the world. They just tell you why the world won’t change.

Cynics never change the world. They just tell you why the world won’t change.

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2. LOOK FOR ANY TRUTH YOU CAN FIND

All that said, your critics are probably never entirely wrong.

When you hear criticism, ask what part of it might be valid. Maybe the idea isn’t great after all. Or perhaps it’s a great idea, but you could have angled it differently, or shared it in a more helpful way.

You can learn from everyone, and you should have the humility to learn from anyone. Even your critics.

Even if what they said is 99% unhelpful and defeatist, learn from the 1% that might help you.

Pray about it. Talk about it with a trusted friend. Learn and grow.

You can learn from everyone, and you should have the humility to learn from anyone.

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3. DON’T FIGHT A BATTLE YOU WON’T WIN

As much as you want to learn from cynical and pessimistic people, you’re probably wasting your breath in trying to fight back or change their mind.

I’ve found the best way to engage a (true) cynic or pessimist is this: thank them for their viewpoint, and move on.

I used to spend a lot more time trying to change people’s minds and convince everyone to come along. Sometimes it worked, but usually the latent pessimism would surface again soon, and I would emerge out of those conversations exhausted and depleted.

Years ago, someone shared this with me:

Don’t wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig liked it.

Don’t wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig liked it.

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There’s a little too much truth in that.

The best way to win a battle with a cynic is to move on and build a better future.

Results have a way of speaking for themselves.

Results also usually either silence the critics or reduce their influence to the ever-shrinking group that will listen to them.

4. WATCH FOR THE CYNIC IN YOU

Ah yes…so you’ve noticed the push-pull in their post.

Wait…you’re dealing with critics by criticizing them? How beautifully ironic and hypocritical.

Well, yes and no.

You can get all cynical about the cynics and travel deep down that wormhole, but I’m not sure anyone wins in that scenario.

That’s NOT what I’m trying to do.

On the other hand, you can also pretend every voice should have equal weight. Just be open and don’t differentiate between the different voices you hear and the sources they come from.

The problem with that is that it’s a recipe for inertia. When you have five conflicting voices (several of them negative), what do you do? Well, then you do nothing because everything grinds to a halt. So that’s no good.

If you always listen to negative voices, you’ll accomplish nothing.

However (and this is a big ‘however’), the more you hear negative voices around you, and the longer you lead, the more easy it is to become cynical yourself.

If you’re not careful, responding to the cynics around you can deepen the cynic within you.

There’s a part of me that’s always tempted to reply to the cynics with an even deeper cynicism. See point #1. (You should see what goes through my head some days that never makes it past my lips or onto the keyboard. It can get dark.)

It’s so easy to get dragged down into a mind-set that’s just negative about negativity, but nobody ever wins in that space.

If you’re not careful, responding to the cynics around you can deepen the cynic within you.

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So what’s the point in all of this? The point is this: become discerning about who you’re hearing from…discerning enough to when to listen and revise, and when to listen and just move on.

And while you’re doing that, fight the cynic inside you. Every. Single. Day.

Return to hope again and again. Keep trusting, Keep believing. Keep making progress.

Fight the cynic inside you. Every. Single. Day.

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5. STAY CURIOUS

An incredibly effective antidote to cynicism is curiosity. Yes, simple curiosity.

One thing I’ve noticed again and again is this reality: curious people are never cynical, and cynical people are never curious.

Cynics are never curious. And the curious are never cynical.

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Think for a minute about the wonderfully curious people you know: a friend, a former teacher, a neighbor, or an uncle. You’ll quickly realize that the curious are always interested, always hopeful, and always open to new possibilities. Some grandparents are infinitely interested in their children and grandchildren, asking questions, discovering new things together, embracing the changing possibilities of a new world.

Some older people have more joy for tomorrow than they did decades earlier and become cheerleaders for hope in their communities, families, and congregations.

So if you want to foster hope and bring about a much better future, stay curious.

Feed your curiosity, and it grows. Starve it, and it withers.

Feed your curiosity, and it grows. Starve it, and it withers.

www.careynieuwhof.com.

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Ask Roger

Cutting Words: How Do I Handle Criticism?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

A friend of mine criticized me for some life decisions I’ve made. I believe it is none of his business. However, he is a really good friend, so I am not sure what to do with his words of rebuke. Should I blow him off and not worry about it? Should I feel guilty? Should I defend myself? How should I respond?

Sincerely, H T.

Dear H T,

When I left Texas for Arizona to pastor Casas Church my mentor warned me that there will be three pastors in the church. The one who is the pastor (me); the one who wants to be pastor and the one who thinks he is the pastor.

 

Once upon a time I was leading a church elder meeting when the man who wanted to be pastor got up and walked around the table until he stood directly behind me. I could swear that I felt his breath on my neck as he began a soliloquy on why I was leading the church down a path of destruction. He proceeded to enumerate all the decisions that I had made over the years that he thought were wrong or destructive.

No one was surprised at his accusations. He’d made very clear over the previous months to any who would listen that I was not fit to be pastor. The implication was clear: He wanted me gone and consciously or unconsciously he wanted to be the pastor.

My cheeks reddened. I dared not look up. How do I handle this? Fortunately, I knew the applicable Bible verse:

 

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverb 19:11).

 

So, I sat quietly and “took it”. I sat with my head down repeating this verse about receiving glory for overlooking his tirade. I was not certain just what the “glory” was but I was glad it was available. This was not the time or place to settle out his issues. I moved on to the next item on the agenda.

 

That was the last time he ever attended an elder meeting. That night he waited outside for me. As he told me all the ways that I was destroying the church he was punching my chest with his index finger. I decided that his political maneuverings would soon fail so I let him poke as he spoke. He was gone within the month.

Early in our marriage I knew that Julie kept a journal but I never dared to look inside. Her journal was her private domain. One morning I saw it laying open on the bed. “Just a quick look can’t hurt,” I said to myself. So I peeked. Her journal was opened to her prayer list for the day and there was I at the top of the list. She was praying for me to handle criticism well.

She had listed seven criteria. I have used them often. Over the years I have codified the list and added tips from several sources. I hope you find these Proverbial tips to be helpful as you navigate the waves of criticism.

 

Most of the criticism that comes our way falls far short of the attack I suffered at the hands of the man who would be pastor. Let’s focus on the more “low level” criticisms that we most often face.

 

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or even at times a stranger. No one enjoys it; but Proverbs teaches that good criticism is good for us. Proverb 12:1 declares: “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”

Offering and receiving criticism is an art. The tips listed below all come from the Book of Proverbs.

 

?Have The Right Attitude.

No one is perfect, so welcome rebuke, even if it stings (Proverb 25:12).

Let your wisdom show. Respond with humility, gratitude and apologies, if warranted (Proverb 12:1).

 

?Have The Right Response.

Stop and look at the person. Criticism is serious business (Proverb 10:17).

Listen to what they have to say. Don’t answer too quickly (Proverb 18:13).

Resist the temptation to defend. Don’t accuse or use labels (Proverb 23:9).

Don’t act like a fool by changing the subject or joking (Proverb 10:8).

Continue restating in your own words what you think the critic said until you both agree to what the critic actually said and means to ensure that you both are talking about the same thing (Proverb 16:21).

 

?Evaluate Carefully.

If the criticism is true, make appropriate changes. If not, ignore it (Proverbs 13:18).

People have different priorities and expectations; so evaluate criticism in light of your purposes and calling in life (Proverb 1:1-6).

Consider The Source. Some People Can’t Be Satisfied; Some Criticisms Aren’t Worth Engaging; Some People Aren’t Worth Listening To.

 

?You Don’t Have To Suffer Abusive Criticism.

 

I was greeting departing parishioners in the church foyer when the leader of a group who said they had figured out the time and the hour of His return, told me it was God’s will for me to announce the warning so others may be ready. I refused. He came after me. It was only when my five-year-old daughter burst out in tears that I put her in my arms and walked away. He continued to shout.

I don’t stand there any more and think that I have a divine responsibility to stand there and endure that sort of verbal attack. I tell the abuser, “When you can talk to me like a normal adult instead of like a three-year-old let me know. Then we can finish this conversation. Let me know when you are ready. Until the, I am leaving. And I do.

By the way, this procedure works well on phone calls, too.

?Sometimes We Need To Do The Criticizing.

Words are powerful things. Be careful what you say and how you say it.

Share the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

Timing is sometimes more important than truth.

You may not know as much about what is going on as you think you do.

 

“Great is the man who can accept criticism. Greater yet is he who welcomes it. But greatest of all is he who knows how to administer it in a spirit of love and sensitivity without causing pain or chagrin.” (Rabbi Norman Lamm)

Hope this helps.

Love, Roger

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Ask Roger

If I Commit Suicide, Will I Still Go to Heaven?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Hi, I don’t feel comfortable stating my name, but I am 17 and a Christian. I was raised as one and was always told and preached that without God and believing He died for me then I’m not living right. But I have these constant lows lately…I always pray to God for help and strength but I never get anything back and that just makes me so much more angry at him that he won’t help me. I know he is but at the same time, I feel like id be better off just giving up. I guess my main question is, if were to one day give up and let in to my depression and commit suicide…would if go to heaven still?

Unknown.

Dear Unknown,

I am so sorry! I know how you feel! I was standing on a third-floor balcony the day I decided to jump. The problem was just how to do it. If I jumped off feet first I decided that I would probably just break both legs and have to explain to everyone what I was doing. The other option was to dive face first and I decided that the sudden stop sounded awful. I remembered my freshman year in college during final exams when one of the students jumped out a dormitory window face first. The Baylor Lariat newspaper described how his eyes popped out of his head. I didn’t want my eyeballs lying outside their sockets. 

So, I backed away from the ledge and leaned my back against the wall and sat totally depressed. 

I wasn’t worried about going to Heaven or to Hell. Jesus forgave all of my sins at the cross–even suicide was forgiven. 

As I sat thinking It dawned on me that I didn’t want to enter the Heavenly Throne Room before my time.

I imagined Jesus saying: “Roger, what are you doing here? I’m not scheduled to see you for another forty-seven years. I have so much planned for you to do.”

Arriving early to meet Jesus before He was finished with me on earth made suicide much less attractive.

Dear Unknown, you are depressed and depressed people don’t think clearly. My philosophy is that I never make important and/or life changing decisions when I’m depressed. Life always looks dark to one who is depressed.

1. Call a suicide hotline and get help immediately. If you do not live in the United States, here is an international suicide prevention line you can call.

2. Talk to a pastor or Christian counselor right away. If you don’t know of a pastor or counselor, find a mature Christian with whom you can talk and pray. Don’t navigate these waters alone!

3. Before you make any unchangeable-life decisions please go find a medical doctor who can give you anti-depressant medication. Life can look very hopeless when you are depressed. And, it can look really good when you aren’t. People who are not depressed seldom have any thoughts of suicide. So, get some medical attention for depression ASAP. If you can’t find a doctor, there is even a chat room with a medical doctor who can give you assistance. You can even go to a hospital emergency room in your area.

4. If you continue to think of committing suicide, you may need long-term support. Medical and psychological professionals can help get you back “up on your feet.” Many churches have Christian psychologists who will walk with you through recovery. You are not alone.

5. Find a trustworthy friend and prayer partner. Depressed people don’t see things rationally. They don’t need reasons and explanations and not much encouragement. Hurting people need comfort.

Jesus said in Matthew Five: “Blessed are they who mourn,. for they shall receive comfort.” Mourning and comforting take at least two people–one to mourn and one to comfort.

Comfort is the language of depression. Find a friend. You will be surprised at how many friends and neighbors are around just waiting to help. 

By the way, it is not a sin to be depressed and want to commit suicide. Job experienced deep depression as recorded in Genesis because of great trials that fell upon his life. Fortunately, Job worked through the pain finally got his life back together and had a great ending. You can, too. 

Be comforted. God has a plan and purpose for your life. Peter taught that God matures to us to look like Jesus by sending and/or allowing us to go through trials and difficulties. 

Handling depression for me was made much easier the day I realized that God was using my depression to help mature me to look Jesus. I decided that I was alive, like all Christians, to express the love of Christ and to help advance the Kingdom of God right here, right now. 

Now, concerning the suicide, yes, according to the Bible people can go to Heaven even if they commit suicide. but, you don’t want to commit suicide. Remember, God has a time and plan laid out for your life. He has all sorts of good intentions for you. Again, you don’t want to come into the throne room unannounced before your time. So, I would encourage you to continue to find strength and peace from God to keep on living.

Let me know how you are doing.

I am praying for you.

Love, Roger

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Articles

Why Christians Should Argue More and Fight Less

by Trevin Wax
written by Trevin Wax

I wish Christians would argue more.

No, I’m not being sarcastic or saying this with an eye roll. I mean it.

I want Christians to argue more and fight less. To take it a step further, I’d even say that fighting less depends on our willingness to argue more and better.

Arguing in the Classic Sense

To be clear, I’m not using the word “argue” in the sense that the apostle Paul did, when he instructed the Philippian church to “do everything without grumbling and arguing” (Phil 2:15). I don’t say “argue” in the sense of being quarrelsome or irritable or “loving the fight” of aggressive words.

I use the word “argue” in its classic sense: the ability to make or counter an argument that depends on logic and reason. To meet one argument with another. To argue with someone, civilly and respectfully, toward the discovery of truth.

Arguing vs. Quarreling

In his autobiography, G. K. Chesterton remarked that the bad thing about a quarrel is that it spoils a good argument! He hated when bad feelings overshadowed the making and countering of good arguments.

The ability to argue well is the hallmark of a civil society, and it should be the goal of thoughtful Christians. Chesterton provided a model of this in his frequent debates with George Bernard Shaw, a lifelong friend who saw the world almost completely differently than he did. The two of them argued, but they did not fight.

C. S. Lewis did the same. Michael Ward says Lewis “relished disagreement and debate.” He mentions one student, Derek Brewer, who remembered how Lewis would sometimes say, “I couldn’t disagree more!” But Lewis never “indicated he was offended or that Brewer was somehow unjustified in holding an opinion Lewis considered mistaken. Though they often differed, this led to a ‘fruitful dichotomy of attitudes,’ not to a chilling of their pedagogical relationship.”

Ward sums up Lewis’s approach:

Why the Quarrels?

In This Is Our Time, I write that I’d love to see more arguing online, if by that we mean rational, reasonable intentions of persuading people to another point of view. Instead, we see quarreling online, where people are personally offended that someone else has a different opinion, so they dig in in order to defend the point of view they already accept.

Why does this happen? For three reasons.

1. The Rise of Emotivism

First, fewer people believe it is even possible to arrive at a conclusion in a moral debate. This has led to the rise of emotivism, which Alasdair MacIntyre defines as “. . . the doctrine that all evaluative judgments and more specifically all moral judgments are nothing but expressions of preference, expressions of attitude or feeling, insofar as they are moral or evaluative in character.”

2. The Rise of Worst Assumptions

In the emotivist environment, people assume the worst of their opponents. They no longer attempt to appeal to unassailable criteria or compelling reasons to make the case for one policy over another, which leads to deep suspicion that something other than reason itself is motivating their activism.

“If I lack any good reasons to invoke against you, it must seem that I lack any good reasons,” MacIntyre explains. “Hence it seems that underlying my own position there must be some non-rational decision to adopt that position.”

Do you see what has happened here? We assume that a nefarious motivation or irrational prejudice must be guiding one’s opponent, since there is no longer any way to base a particular point of view on a commonly accepted moral axis.

3. The Rise of Technological Reaffirmation

Finally, in a hyper-connected age, we are constantly reaffirmed in our “rightness.” The accessibility of endless information on our phones makes us think we have the knowledge we need most and that we are right.

This is why, if you check the Facebook comments and the Twitter followings of people and the comments section of online blogs and articles, you’ll stumble across people who seem, shall we say, less than pleasant. It’s because they’ve been in a years-long process of heart-formation by which (1) they’re convinced that they have all the knowledge they need—if not in their head, it’s right there on their phone, and (2) that they are right and their cause is righteous.

Put these two developments together (the idea that we cannot arrive at moral truth, and the rise of technology that reaffirms our own righteousness), and you can see why many conversations devolve quickly from argumentation to quarreling.

Civility as a Christian Gift

One of the ways that Christians can be faithful in this time, to stand out and “shine like stars in a crooked and depraved generation” is by relearning the civility required for good argumentation, and then offering civil, rational discourse to our society. Os Guinness roots this calling in the gospel:

“Followers of Jesus are called to be peacemakers, with truth and grace; Paul asks us to speak the truth with love. We’re called to love our enemies and do good to those who wrong us. This is our Christian motivation for championing the classical virtue of civility.”

So let’s hope for more arguing and less fighting!

https://blogs.thegospelcoalition.org/trevinwax/. Used by permission. 

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Articles

One Easy Way to Find Out Which Critic to Listen To!

by Jon Acuff
written by Jon Acuff

Criticism sticks. Compliments slide right off our backs like water off a puffin. (Ducks have had their day.) It’s a sticky substance, like great wads of gum that will bond you to the street if you’re not careful, preventing you from moving forward. It would be easy to say, “Screw the haters!” or “Ignore all criticism!” That’s the type of rhetoric that helps you build an Instagram account with motivational photos, but it’s not great advice. Not everyone who disagrees with you is a hater. Sometimes they are just someone with a different opinion. Discourse in our country died the day we decided that if I disagree with you it means I hate you.

 

Discourse in our country died the day we decided that if I disagree with you it means I hate you.

 

And not all criticism is toxic. Some of it is actually good for you. Some feedback is extremely healthy. How do you tell the difference between the poisons and the vitamins? One way is to ask what it cost someone to give you that feedback. The problem right now is that most criticism doesn’t cost the critic anything. I can leave a 1 star review anonymously on Amazon. There’s no proof I read the book. There’s a “Verified Purchase” label that proves someone bought it, but there’s no way to know if I even opened the book. It only took 42 seconds for me to leave a couple of bile filled sentences and then move on with the rest of my day. This is a fairly new phenomenon by the way. A friend once asked me, “Do you want to know what Kurt Vonnegut told me?”

First of all, I would start most of my sentences that way and second, how do you not respond yes, to that? I of course wanted to hear what the famed author had to say. My friend, continued, “Kurt told me that if Mark Twain could have had nameless, faceless people writing reviews of his work on Amazon he would have jumped off a building.” In Twain’s day, it cost something to criticize on a grand scale. You had to be a reporter or a book reviewer. You had to have a platform and platforms were difficult to come by. You might criticize Huckleberry Finn in the comfort of your own home, but you had no way to say something nasty right at the most important point of purchase on the planet, Amazon.

When I wrote advertising for the Home Depot, the point of purchase was one of the most important locations of the entire store. Right by the register is a magical space where people are making final purchase decisions. Twain could have never imagined a world where a stranger could stand by the register and say, “This book sucks!” every time someone tried to buy Tom Sawyer. That’s what a 1 star review next to the buy button on Amazon is doing. The truth is that criticism that cost the critic nothing, is worth nothing.

 

Criticism that cost the critic nothing, is worth nothing.


That doesn’t mean 1 star reviews are useless. There are some 1 star reviews of my book Start that I agree with. You can tell from their feedback that they have read the entire book and prepared some thoughtful comments. They’re a verified purchaser, sharing their name. The feedback cost them time, the most limited resource of all, and their identity. The angry tweet from a stranger? That’s 140 characters. That costs nothing and is worth nothing. The facebook comment full of hate? That took 10 seconds. That costs nothing and is worth nothing. The backstabbing gossip from a coworker in a breakroom? That costs nothing and is worth nothing. If the feedback costs the critic something, it might be worth something. They might be giving you a gift, instead of just cutting you down. If it costs them nothing though, its value is the same. Move on quickly. Don’t get stuck worrying about nothing.

P.S. If you liked this blog post, you’ll love my new book Do Over. It’s at minimum, 1 bajillion times better than this post.
Read more at Acuff.me: One simple way to figure out which criticism to listen to. 

http://acuff.me/2015/08/one-simple-way-to-figure-out-which-criticism-to-listen-to/

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Articles

Patrick Lencioni on Organizational Health

by Kent Shaffer
written by Kent Shaffer

At The Global Leadership Summit, Patrick M. Lencioni discussed the the benefits of focusing on organizational health. Here are a few of his observations:

Organization health is the single greatest competitive advantage in business. It is virtually free and accessibly to any leader that want its. Yet it remains virtually untapped. Most leaders haven’t been trained in it. They often feel it is hard to measure or doesn’t feel complex enough.

When Southwest Airlines as asked why competitors don’t copy them, the CEO responded saying that they think it is beneath them.

2 Qualities Needed to Maximize Success

1. Smarts (financing strategy, technology, marketing, intellectual sciences)

  • #1 currently gets 98% of attentions, but it should be closer to 50%.
  • It is almost impossible to distinguish your company based solely on smarts.
  • I’ve never found a company where the executives weren’t intelligent.
  • In fact, they usually have more than enough domain knowledge and expertise.

2. Health (minimal politics, minimal confusion, high moral, high productivity, low turnover)

  • These 5 things allow you to leverage the intelligence of your entire company. Not just it’s leaders.

4 Disciplines of Organizational Health

1. Build a Cohesive Leaderships Team

  • Results
  • Accountability
  • Commitment
  • Conflict
  • Trust

2. Create Clarity

  • Intellectually aligned
  • Mission statements (most don’t work)
  • 6 critical questions
    • Why do we exist? (core purpose)
    • How do we behave?
    • What do we actually do?
    • Who will we succeed?
    • What is most important, right now? (rally cry)
    • Who must do what?

If we can answer these 6 questions, we create clarity in our organizations. They pave the way for empowerment in its true sense of the word.

3. Over-Communicate Clarity

  • If your staff can’t do a good imitation of you when you’re not around, you’re not communicating enough.
  • Don’t be the husband that fails to tell his wife he loves her because, “I already told you that when we got married.”

4. Reinforce Clarity

  • Corporate decisions should constantly enforce them.
  • Don’t punish people for trying to carry these out.
  • You can correct and redirect, but people shouldn’t be afraid to make decisions.
  • Make hard decisions to let people go (employee or customer) if they aren’t a good fit.

A closer look at a few of these questions.

Why do we exist?

  • Every org has to know why it is there. This can be different than what you do.
  • Southwest: “Democratizing travel in America.” Human beings should be able to travel, even if they don’t have a lot of money.
  • Defining this is more than just something you put on a wall or a t-shirt. It has to affect decisions.

How do we behave?

  • Value statements are usually pretty generic, and cover just about everything.
  • Need to get this down to the one or two (maybe 3) key things.
  • Have to avoid confusing them with other values.
  • Not aspirational values. One of Enron’s core values was integrity.
  • A core value is something you are willing to stand up for even if you get punished (may not benefit you financially).
  • Southwest’s value is sense of humor (“fun loving spirit”). When someone asks them to violate a core value, Southwest famously responded, “We’ll miss you.”
  • Don’t sell your soul. One test is if you can make a desion based on a core value even if you know it won’t benefit you financially.
  • Note: You can take a core value too far, but when this happens redirect rather than focus on harsh punishment.
  • Not permission to play standards. These are minimum standards. If you’re going to work here, you should believe…, you shouldn’t cheat on your taxes, etc.

How will we succeed?

What is the most actionable definition of strategy? It is this: The myriad of intentional decision you make that give you a chance to succeed and differentiate you from your competitors. This then means that every decision you make can be viewed through this lens.

What are your 2-3 strategic anchors? 

One day organization health may be the standard. Until then, this is a huge opportunity for competitive advantage.

Re-printed from www.churchrelevance.com. Notes by Kent Shaffer. Used by permission. 

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Sermons

Toxic Words: Soul Detox Part Two

by Craig Groeschel
written by Craig Groeschel

Words can inspire us, transform us, help us because words are so powerful. Proverbs 18:21 teaches that our words have the power of life and death. When God created the world, He spoke! We must sift through the negative words we hear, and believe the truth that God speaks into our lives. We must speak life-giving words to others by encouragement, kindness and faith.

Preached at Elevation Church. Used by permission.

Order Craig Groeschel’s Soul Detox Book HERE.

LifeChurch.tv provides free ministry resources to churches through http://open.church/. Visit Open to download and use this message in your church or browse more than 25,000 free resources for adult, kids, small groups, worship, and more.

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Articles

Star Trek? I Will Live on Another Planet, and So Will You!

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

Has science fiction become a religion? And how closely do Biblical descriptions of heaven and a cosmic Creator interface with the human longing to “go where no man has gone before…” Man longs for a supernatural God and a heaven beyond our wildest imaginations.

 

Geeks the world over are having spasms over the release of new science fiction and fantasy shows this year. Of great interest is the new Star Trek movie, the fiftieth anniversary episode of the British hit, Doctor Who, and the release of new sci-fi hits, Defiance, Revelation, and other sci-fi movie releases. On top of that there are many sci-fi and fantasy fans attending annual conventions, dressed as their favorite characters, a phenomenon know as “cosplay.” Fan devotion can almost be described as religious. Today’s die hard sci-fi fans don’t simply regard their favorite shows and books for their entertainment value, but often subscribe to the philosophy portrayed in their favorite franchises with passionate fervor. Some even go beyond playing dress up and try to live out their lives under the philosophy of the shows they watch. As a current scifi fan and author, yet former scifi geek I’d like to point out two things.

1.) It’s a TV show, not a religion, and

2.) I will live on another planet. And if you’re fortunate, so will you.

Before you consign me to the realm of the weird let me reiterate, whatever show you’re consumed with, keep a balanced perspective. It’s a TV show, not a religion. If you can’t go a day without thinking about or enjoying your favorite obsession then you might be involved with it a bit too much. No matter how well written, acted, or interesting, no sci-fi or fantasy franchise deserves the kind of attention you would give you your spouse, or kids, or God. In fact, if you give more mental and emotional attention to these things than your family then you can be assured, you have a problem.

Now, let me introduce a different perspective.

This is note a joke or a bit of sarcasm. Someday I will live on another planet, and if you are fortunate, so will you. Really. I’m not kidding. Am I crazy? Not at all. My statement isn’t a statement of the absurd. It’s a statement based upon the Bible.

In Revelation 21:1 the scripture tells us that those who know Christ will dwell on a new earth, different from this one. First, the scripture says that the old earth, the one we live on now, will no longer exist. Then it tells us a little about the planet we will someday occupy.

  • It will be different world from the current earth
  • It will have no oceans
  • It will not reside in a solar system like ours as it will have no sun (Revelation 21:23)
  • It will have no moon
  • It will have no night (Tidally locked? If so, to what?)
  • It will likely be much larger than this earth as it will contain a city measured 1,500 miles in height (Revelation 21:16)
  • It will be occupied by human beings and by non-human beings (various species of angels)

You might say that the Bible, though mostly about the past, looks toward a future for mankind that otherwise might read out of a futuristic scifi novel. So, if you’re a geek, I mean, if you are really a geek, you will find more hope for the future of man in the pages of the Bible than in any fantasy man may write. The only question you have to answer is this: What will I choose to believe?

Also read the Ask Roger article about Life on Other Planets: Did Jesus Die for Them, Too?

 

 

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Articles

The “Bible” TV Series: Truth or Fiction?

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

Are you watching the History Channel miniseries called, “The Bible?”  All of the hype and marketing of the series captured my attention. I love the Bible and am eager to see new ways it is represented through media. Being a media missionary these things grab my attention even more, so I was eager to watch it. But after seeing the first installment of the ten-hour series I was sorely disappointed.

If you want to know the story of the Bible then “The Bible” series is not something I’d encourage you to watch. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that this series represents a low view of the scripture. Let me briefly explain why.

“The Bible” adds significant plot points foreign to scripture that take away from the message and meaning of the text.

The scripture is quite plain about how we are to handle it. Dueteronomy 4:2; 12:32; and Revelation 22:18-19 warn us about adding to, or taking away from scripture. How does “The Bible” miniseries do this? In the first installment alone there are multiple examples. The most glaring is the scene of the ninja angel slashing his way through the Sodomites. Yet there was nothing of the angels striking the people with blindness so that Lot and his family could escape.

Producer Roma Downey explained that changes like these were made to make the Bible more relevant to a young generation. Ninja angels make the Bible more relevant?

Downey has misunderstood a significant truth about scripture. The scripture doesn’t need to be made relevant, it is already relevant. It is the job of the Christian to make that pre-existing relevance known through appropriation and application. The numerous additions and subtractions in the series don’t make the scripture more relevant, it actually makes it less relevant by removing critical plot points, and moments of truth.

“The Bible” leaves out critical parts of certain stories without which a viewer cannot properly understand the Bible’s story line and how it’s stories eventually relate to Jesus. Where did Hagar come from? Why weren’t the Sodomites struck blind? Why are Lot’s children little girls instead of mature girls who get their father drunk to sleep with him? Sarah pursuing Abraham to stop him from sacrificing Isaac seems to hint that Abraham might be a monster for following God’s command when the actual scripture paints Abraham very differently. There are just to many departures from scripture to mention them all here. And that’s just from the first episode!

The producers noted that they wanted to create a Bible series with high production values to be more relevant to modern times. But judging the scripture by production standards is like judging a book by its cover. How many movies have we seen with high production values but mediocre stories? Special effects can make a movie more engaging, but it can’t make a movie good. The scripture is already good for the purpose for which it was written, and God doesn’t need help by changing it.

The most successful film about Jesus ever produced was what we might call a “B” movie today. The JESUS Film is the most watched film in history. No other tool, other than the Bible itself, has done more to bring people to Christ than the JESUS Film. More than 200 million people have come to Christ after watching JESUS. I believe this is because JESUS is nothing more than the Gospel of Luke set to film—no additions, no subtractions. Just the straight story of Luke. God has honored that effort by bringing millions to Christ through that “B” movie.

Why not trust the Bible’s text and represent it clearly? Because the desire to add to the Bible’s story represents a low view of scripture. It demonstrates that we care more about culture and perceptions than we do about the timeless and life-changing truth of scripture. Hundreds of millions of people from virtually all countries and cultures have had their lives changed through scripture unchanged and unedited. What makes the 21st century so different? Nothing. It is an illusion that we need to update scripture. More than ever we need to remain faithful to it. That is when we will see lives changed.

In Mongolia I needed to fill a 15-minute slot in our TV programming. We didn’t have the resources or time for a standard production so I decided instead to create a simple program that was nothing more than a Mongolian pastor reading the scripture with some countryside scenery in the background. No sermons. No exposition. No explanation. Just read, pause, and reflect. What happened blew my
mind.

That little program captured up to 28% of the TV audience for its time slot. Measured against original and translated programs on 15 other stations it consistently rated number one or number two in it’s time slot with overwhelming audience. 

For three years.

I think it’s wonderful that there are producers who want to represent the scripture through dramatic movies and series. As Christians in the arts God has called many of us to share the news about Jesus and even disciple people through creative presentations of scripture and its principles. I’ve spent my career doing this and it is a true privilege. But I think the first thing a producer of such media needs to cling to is the absolute sufficiency and preeminence of scripture. Trust the scripture. Even when it makes you cringe. The Holy Spirit wrote it and it is his primary tool when leading others to faith in Jesus. Adding to and taking away from scripture frustrates the Spirit’s work and dishonors him as its author. Think of how many times a book is turned into a movie and people complain bitterly when the movie parts with its original storyline. Christian, why do we praise movies about the Bible that do the exact same thing? Trust the Holy Spirit. Trust the scripture. Then, like a little 15-minute Bible reading program, see what God will do.

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Sermons

Spur One Another On to Good Works!

by Mark Batterson
written by Mark Batterson

When you are dealing with someone, be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Differentiate between the Holy Spirit’s revelation and your manipulation. Don’t ignore red flags. Don’t internalize, verbalize. And finally, don’t give up meeting together in the Body of Christ. Community is where growth occurs.

Preached at National Community Church. Used by permission. 

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Articles

Prayer and the Four Characteristics of God

by National PrayerTeam
written by National PrayerTeam

Who is this God to whom your prayers ascend? Belief in what God can do will give you strength and more confidence in your prayer life. When unbelief takes control, it is because you have forgotten who God is.

Here are four characteristics of God:

1) His omnipotence – He is all-powerful,

2) His omniscience – He is all-knowing,

3) His omnipresence – He is all-present, and

4) He is love – all the time.

Only God

Understand that God’s characteristics can only be ascribed to Him. For example,

  • He has no beginning and no end (Revelation 21:6)
  • He is grace and truth (John 1:14)
  • He is eternal (Deuteronomy 33:27)
  • He is faithful (I Corinthians 10:13)

God doesn’t have these attributes some of the time; rather, the distinctiveness of Him is that He is ALL of these things ALL of the time.

God’s omnipotence

“And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude…saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.” (Revelation 19:6 – KJV) Used only once, omnipotent is from the Latin omni, meaning “all,” and potent, meaning “able to do and to have power.” Thus omnipotent means “able to do all and have all power.” In other words, God who is omnipotent has all the power there is!

“When Abram was ninety-nine years old the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him, ‘I am God Almighty’.” (Genesis 17:1) An Anglo-Saxon word having the same meaning as omnipotent, Almighty – used only to describe God – means to have limitless and absolute plentitude of power.

Visible signs of His invisible power

“For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.” (Romans 1:20) Though skeptics will try to tell you otherwise, discoveries about the amazing complexity and purposeful design of the universe should lead you to better appreciate the infinite wisdom and power of God. Creation testifies to an all-powerful hand that holds all things together. (Hebrews 1:3)

Source of all power

In Scripture, David wrote, “Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this: that power belongs to God.” (Psalm 62:11) God is the source and His power is equal to or greater than all the power there is. Unlike a battery that will run down, God’s power never is diminished. He can give power to angels, to His redeemed followers, the seas or the mountains, but never has any less than when He started.

Personal God

Yet God Almighty is your Heavenly Father (Luke 11:2), eager to bestow upon you the warmth and intimacy of a loving father’s care. He listens to your prayers (Matthew 18:19). You may strain at a task, but, Believer, the Almighty rides on the wings of the wind (Psalm 104:3) just as easily as He lifts a sparrow to its nest. Nothing is too hard for Him.

Yours for the asking

One thing is clear. Lacking trust in the Almighty closes off life’s possibilities. You have only to look at Abraham who “did not weaken in faith…but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.” (Romans 4:19-21) When you trust in the Lord, you open up your future to a full experience of God’s power in and through you (Matthew 17:20). All things are possible to the one who believes (Matthew 19:26). Just ask.

Dire times

In these perilous times in this nation – characterized by a seemingly lack of direction of its leaders and danger surrounding the troops around the world – pray for divine direction and courage to act with power from God. Believe in the One who is able and draw your strength from Him.

For further study: Encouraging words

  • II Chronicles 20:1-15 and II Chronicles 32:1-8; 20-22
  • Nehemiah 9:5-12;18-21
  • Psalm 18:1-19; 28-33
  • Matthew 6:25-34 and Matthew 14:22-33
  • Hebrews 11:1-12:2

Jeana Kamp, presidential prayer team author, is a devotional and teaching article writer whose desire for her writing is that the love of God will be evident to each reader.

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Articles

14 & Younger: Sexual Behavior of Adolescents

by Josh McDowell
written by Josh McDowell

“Why Care About Sexual Activity Among Young Teenagers?”

Warning: The Information in this article is graphic in nature and is appropriate only for adults, especially pastors, parents and youth leaders.

  • “While the proportion of unmarried teen girls age 15-19 who have had sexual intercourse decreased between 1988 and 1995, the proportion of unmarried teen girls who have had sexual intercourse at 14 and younger increased appreciably during the same time period (Terry & Manlove, 2000).”
  • “A recent national survey found that the younger a girl was the first time she had sex, the more likely it was to have been unwanted (Moore, Driscoll, & Lindberg, 1998).”
  • “A 2002 public opinion poll found that 81% of sexually experienced youth age 12-14 wish they had waited longer to have sex, compared to 55% of sexually experienced 15- to 19-year-olds (The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2002).”
  • “Based on data collected (1996-1997) in seven cities as part of an evaluation of the Children’s Aid Society (CAS)-Carrera program.  It is one of the few surveys that have asked youth in this age group about or anal sex.  Such data are important because there is some concern – and some evidence – that adolescents are increasingly engaged in such behaviors (Remez, 2000).”

 

“Nearly one in five adolescents has had sex before his or her 15th birthday.”

“The National Picture”

“Estimates from the three nationally representative data sets of the proportion of youth who have had sex at age 14 or younger are remarkably similar.  Overall, these data indicate that 18-19% of youth have had sexual intercourse at age 14 or younger.  Percentages increase with age – at age 12, 4-5% have had sex, increasing to 10% at age 13, and 18-19% at age 14.  Boys are more likely than girls to have had sex at an early age.  At age 12, 2-4% of girls and 6-8% of boys were sexually experienced.  At age 14, 14-20% of girls and 20-22% of boys were sexually experienced.”

“Results in a Box”

“Sexual Experience”

  • “Approximately one in five adolescents has had sexual intercourse before his or her 15th birthday.”
  • “Boys age 14 and younger are slightly more likely to have had sex than girls the same age.”

“Frequency of Sex”

  • “A substantial proportion of teens age 14 and younger who have had sex are not currently sexually active.”
  • “According to one of the national surveys (NLSY), approximately half of sexually experienced 14-year-olds have had sex 0-2 times in the past 12 months.”

“Pregnancy”

  • “Approximately one in seven sexually experienced 14-year-old girls reports having been pregnant.”

“Dating”

  • “A significant proportion of those age 12-14 report having been on a date (two-fifths in the NLSY survey) or having a romantic relationship in the past 18 months (half in Add Health).
  • “Significant minorities of youth age 14 and under report a romantic relationship with someone three or more years older (girls far more than boys).”
  • “Relationships with a significantly older partner – compared with those with someone only slightly older, the same age, or younger – are much more likely to be sexual.”

“Pressure”

  • “More than one in ten girls who first have had sex before age 15 describe it as non-voluntary and many more describe it as relatively unwanted.”

“Other Risky Behavior”

  • “Sexually experienced youth age 14 and younger are much more likely to smoke, use drugs and alcohol, and participate in delinquent activities than youth who have not had sex.”

“Parents”

  • “In general, parents report talking a moderate amount with their children age 12-14 about sex and related issues, although their children recall less communication than the parents claim.”
  • “Parents are more likely to have spoken with their daughters than with their sons about sex and related issues.”
  • “Parents tend to be unaware of what their children are actually doing sexually – only about a third of parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds know that their child has had sex.”

“Romantic relationship with older partners were much more likely to include intercourse – 13% of relationships between same age partners included intercourse, compared to 26% of relationships with a partner who was 2 years older, 33% of relationships with a partner who was 3 years older, and 47% of relationships with a partner who was 4 or more years older.  In the NSFG, only 8% of girls who first had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger did so with a partner who was the same age or younger, compared to 24% of girls who first had sex at age 15 or older.  One in six girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger reported that her first partner was 5 or more years older.”

“Add Health also makes clear that, overall, the romantic relationships of young adolescents are of relatively short duration.  For example, 25% of relationships among youth age 12-14 ended after 3 months, 50% ended after 6 months, and 75% ended after 15 months.  On the other hand, sexual romantic relationships in this age group tended to be of longer durations than non-sexual ones; a quarter lasted two years or longer.  Over a quarter of sexually experienced youth age 12-14 (27%) also reported multiple recent sexual partners in the past 18 months, which implies, among other things, an increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).”

“Additional Information from Local Data”

“Among 14-year-olds, 30% of girls and 73% of boys whose oldest ‘serious boyfriend or girlfriend’ was 2 or more years older were sexually experienced, compared to 13% of girls and 29% of guys whole oldest partner was no more than one year older.”

“Many young adolescents experience pressure to have sex.”

“Thirteen percent of girls in the NSFG who first had sex at age 14 or younger described it as nonvoluntary, clearly a cause for concern.  Even among those who classified their first sexual experience as voluntary, girls who had sex at age 14 or younger were significantly more likely to say that it was relatively unwanted, compared to girls who had sex for the first time at age 15 or older.”

“Additional Information from Local Data”

“The questions in Draw the Line about the acceptability of sexual pressure found that a substantial proportion of youth feel it’s ‘okay’ for someone to pressure a partner for sex if the couple has had sex before.  Boys were much more likely to think so than girls: for example, 34% of boys thought it would be okay for a boy to pressure a girl to have sex if they had had sex before, while only 14% of girls thought that such pressure would be okay.  Boys were more likely to agree that it is okay for a girl to pressure for sex than for a boy to pressure (34% agreed that it is okay for boys to pressure vs. 42% who agreed that it is okay for girls to pressure).  Girls, on the other hand, were equally as likely to agree that either boys or girls can pressure a partner for sex (14% said it is okay for boys to pressure and 15% said it is okay for girls to pressure).”

“Sexually experienced young adolescents are also engaging in other risky behavior.”

“Seven percent of youth used alcohol the first time they had sex, and 6% used alcohol the most recent time they had sex.”

“17% of girls and 11% of boys age 14 and younger said that, because of alcohol, they had been in a sexual situation they later regretted.”

“These data sets do no shed much light on the extent to which young adolescents are engaging in oral sex and other sexual behavior.”

“The National Picture”

“In the Add Health survey, 12% of virgins age 12-14 reported that a relationship in the past 18 months included ‘touching under clothes,’ and 6% of virgins age 12-14 reported that touching genital occurred within at least one of their recent romantic relationships.  But neither Add Health nor the other two nationally representative surveys included questions specifically asking youth age 14 and under about oral and anal sex.”

“Numerous recent media reports have suggested that teens – including young adolescents – are increasingly having oral and/or anal sex, perhaps as a substitute for vaginal intercourse.”

“Young adolescents don’t seem to know a lot about sex.”

“Additional Information from Local Data”

“The Draw the Line survey confirmed that young teens are often poorly informed about sex.  For example, about half of 14-year-olds (boys and girls) believed it is illegal for youth under 16 to buy condoms (it is not). About 20% of youth age 12-14 erroneously believed that ‘you could tell if a person has HIV/AIDS by looking at him/her.’  Nearly four out of ten (39%) 14-year-old boys and half (51%) of 14-year-old girls agreed with the statement, ‘most teens your age are having sex,’ even though, as noted earlier, only a minority are.”

“Parents and youth give mixed reports about family communication about sex, and seem to have misperceptions about each other’s attitudes and behaviors.”
“The National Picture”

“Parents in the Add Health survey generally rejected numerous reasons thought to explain why they might not speak with their child about sex, such as feeling that they don’t know enough, that the child would be embarrassed, that it would only encourage the child to have sex, or that parents don’t need to talk to their children because the children will get the information they need elsewhere.”

“Parents surveyed by Add Health also tended to be unaware of what their children were actually doing sexually – only 30% of the parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds believed their child had had sexual intercourse.  This percentage was slightly higher for parents of girls (36%) than it was for parents of boys (25%).”

“One local data set suggests that many young adolescents have ample opportunities to have sex, and many report willingness to have sex.”

“A third of 12-year-olds reported that they had attended a party in the previous three months where no adults were in the house.  By age 14, this percentage increased to 51% of boys and 42% for girls.  Thirty-eight percent of 14-year-old boys and 30% of 14-year-olds girls said that in the past three months they had been alone lying on a couch or bed with ‘someone they liked.’”

“Many boys, and some girls, in the Draw the Line data set expressed interest in having sex ‘at this time in their lives.’ The proportion of boys who said they would have sex with someone they like very much if they had the opportunity increased from 19% at age 12 to 42% at age 14 (comparable statistics for girls were 5% at age 12 and 8% at age 14).  Thirty-six percent of 14-year-old boys and 18% of 14-year-old girls said they would consider having sex if they had a boyfriend or girlfriend they loved.  About one-third of 14-year-old boys said they would have sex because of curiosity and an equal proportion said they would do so to ‘satisfy my sexual desires.’ Of those girls who would have sex if the opportunity arose, the top tree reasons
(of seven offered) that they would consider having sex were similar to the boys – 18% would do so with a boyfriend they loved, 12% would do so to satisfy curiosity, and 12% would do so because of sexual desire.”

“Significant proportions of youth surveyed as part of the Draw the Line/Respect the Line evaluation perceived that people in their lives would be accepting, if not approving, of their having sex.  Half of boys and a third of girls age 14 said that the majority of their friends think it’s acceptable for people their age to have sex with a serious boyfriend or girlfriend.  About half of 14-year-olds (boys and girls) agreed that boys are more popular if they have sex; 36% of boys and 20% or girls age 14 thought that girls are also more popular if they have sex.  Virtually no girls thought their parents would approved of them having sex at this time in their lives, but by age 14, 21% of boys thought their fathers would think it was okay and 15% thought that their mothers would think it was okay.”

“Implications”

“There is good reason to be concerned about youth who begin having sex at an early age. Youth who have sex at an early age seem to be different from those who do not, both in their sexual behavior and in other areas as well. Early first sexual experiences for girls are more likely to be unwanted, compared to girls who have sex at age 15 or older, and these first sexual relationships end more quickly. Youth age 14 and younger who are sexually experienced are much more likely than peers who have not had sex to use drugs and alcohol and to engage in delinquent behavior; that is, such behaviors often occur together. Over the longer term, girls who begin having sex at age 14 or younger will likely have more sexual partners and an increased ris of teen pregnancy, contracting an STD, and dropping out of school. Although early sexual
activity in and of itself may not ‘cause’ these outcomes, it does appear to be an early and important warning sign of risk.”

“Parents should be concerned about their young teenagers dating, in general, and very cautious about letting their children date someone much older, in particular. One of the most striking and clear findings from this collected research is the great risk inherent in young teens dating older partners. Parents clearly need to discourage early dating, in general, as well as dating older partners specifically, both of which greatly increase the chances of having sex. Although most sexual activity among young teens is voluntary, there is evidence from small area studies that some young teens, like older teens, can get into situations where they feel sexual pressure or coercion. By virtue of their young age, however, they may be less able to handle these situations effectively than older teens. Such data suggest that teaching middle school youth about how to resist and manage sexual pressure is appropriate. Another clear message is that supervising the social behavior of young teens remains important. Parents and other responsible adults need to know where their children are, what they are doing, and with whom. As noted earlier, one small area study found that fully one-third of 12-year-olds and almost half of 14-year-olds (51% of boys and 42% of girls) report that they have been at a party where there were no adults in the house.”

“It’s important to add that simple communication between parents and children about sex does not necessarily reduce the chances of early sexual activity. For example, recent research has highlighted the importance of overall closeness between parents and teens, more than specific discussion of sex, as being especially protective (Blum, 2002).”

“PART ONE:  PAPERS FROM NATIONALLY REPRESENTATIVE DATA SETS”

“CHAPTER ONE:  DATING AND SEXUAL EXPERIENCES AMONG MIDDLE SCHOOL YOUTH: ANALYSES OF THE NLSY97”

“What is typical dating behavior among early adolescents?”

“Forty-two percent of teens reported that they had ever gone on an unsupervised date with a person of the opposite sex at the time of the 1997 survey.”

“Black youth were the least likely to report having ever dated (34% compared with 41-44% for other racial/ethnic groups).  Non-Hispanic Whites who had ever dated were more likely to date relatively frequently – 28% dated once a month or more, compared to 22% of Blacks and 18% of Hispanics.  However, age at first date did not differ significantly by race/ethnicity.”

“What proportion of 12-14-year-olds had sex before age 15?”

“Among adolescents whose mothers had higher educational attainment (defined as greater than high school), 15% had sexual intercourse before age 15, compared with 24% of adolescents whose mothers completed only a high school education or less.”

“Among boys with mothers who had a high school education or less, Black males were most likely to be sexually experienced before age 15 (50%), followed by Hispanic males (29%), and Non-Hispanic White males (22%).”

“CHAPTER TWO: DATING BEHAVIOR AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY OF YOUNG ADOLESCENTS: ANALYSES OF THE NATIONAL LONGITUDINAL STUDY OF ADOLESCENT HEALTH”

“Sexual experience, contraceptive use, and pregnancy – this survey finds that:”

  • “20% of boys, 14% of girls, and 18% of the entire sample report that they became sexually experienced at age 14 or younger.”
  • “60% of boys, 54% of girls, and 57% of the entire sample of 12-14-year-olds reported that they used contraception at first sex.”
  • “9% of sexually experienced girls under 15 reported having been pregnant.”

“What is typical dating behavior among young adolescents?”

“Overall, about half of the teens in this age group reported a dating relationship (romantic or casual) in the 18 months preceding the first round of in-home interviews. The proportion increased with age.  At age 12, 39% of teens reported such a relationship, increasing to 56% at age 14.  Girls were less likely to report such a relationship than boys, especially at younger ages; at age 12, 46% of boys but only 35% of girls reported a dating relationship.  By age 14, boys and girls were equally likely to do so (56%).  Virgins were somewhat less likely to report a relationship (44%).  Differences between virgins and sexually experienced teens in a dating experience were more pronounced among boys – only 40% of male virgins reported a dating relationship at age 12, compared to 46% of all males.  The difference was smaller for girls (32% compared to 35% at age 12).”

“The greater the age difference between the partners, the more likely that sex occurred in the relationship.  Only 13% of relationships between same-age partners were sexual.  By contrast, 26% of the relationships in which an adolescent’s partner was 2 years older were sexual.  The proportion increased to 33% for partners who were 3 years older.  Where partners of young adolescents were 4 or more years older, almost half of all relationships were sexual.”

“What proportion of 12- to 14-year-olds have had sex?”

“Overall, 18% of adolescents reported having had sex at age 14 or younger, boys (at 20%) somewhat more than girls (at 14%). Sexual experience increased with age: 14-year-old boys were more than twice as likely to be sexually experienced as 12-year-old boys (8% compared to 20%); 14-year-old girls were seven times more likely to be sexually experienced as 12-year-old girls (14% compared to 2%). At age 12, boys were four times more likely to report intercourse than girls (8% compared to 2%). After age 13, though, girls began to catch up with the
behavior of boys their same age.”

“One third (34%) of Black adolescents age 12-14 were sexually experienced, compared to 14% of Whites the same age.  Black males were three times more likely to be sexually experienced than White
males (45% compared to 15%). Nineteen percent of all Hispanics 12-14 reported that they had had sex and 9% of Asian teens (boys and girls) reported sexual experience in this age group.“CHAPTER THREE: SEXUAL ACTIVITY AMONG GIRLS UNDER AGE 15: FINDINGS FROM THE NATIONAL SURVEY OF FAMILY GROWTH”

“Sexual experience, contraceptive use, and pregnancy – this study finds:”

  • “20% of girls report that they became sexually experienced at age 14 or younger.”
  • “72% of girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger report that they used contraceptives at first sex.”
  • “15% of girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger report being pregnant before turning 15.”

“How common is sexual activity among girls age 14 and younger?”

“One in five teen girls (20%) report having had sex at age 14 or younger.  Of those who first had sex at age 14 or younger, about half did so when 14 years old, the other half when 13 or younger.”

“Among the three largest racial/ethnic groups, sex at age 14 or younger is most common among non-Hispanic Black adolescents (31%) and least common among non-Hispanic White adolescents (17%).  Twenty four percent of Hispanics report having sex at age 14 or younger.”

“What adverse outcomes are associated with becoming sexually active at an early age?”

“First, teens who have sex at an early age are significantly more likely to have reported ever being pregnant (41%) or to have given birth by the time of the NSFG interview (21%), compared to teens who have sex at an
older age (27% and 14%, respectively. It is not clear, however, whether
having sex at an early age in and of itself increases the risk of teen pregnancy or if the two outcomes are correlated because early sex and early pregnancy are both influenced by the same underlying risk factors, perhaps family dysfunction or a propensity to choose ‘risky’ romantic partners.”

“Girls whose first voluntary sex was at 14 or younger had more lifetime sexual partners, on average, than girls whose first voluntary sex was at age 15 or older (4.7 versus 2.5 ), were less likely to have had only one partner (20% versus 46%) and more likely to have had between 3 and 5 partners (36% versus 21%) or 6 or more partners (25% versus 9%). Because the two groups of teens had the same average number of partners per year of sexual activity (1.3), it appears that the increased average number of lifetime sexual partners lies solely in beginning sexual activity at an early age.”

“Finally, girls who had first sex at age 14 or younger had worse educational outcomes by the time of the interview. They were twice
as likely to have dropped out of school – 20% of girls whose first voluntary sex was before age 15 had dropped out of school by the interview, versus 10% of girls who had sex for the first time at age 15 or older.”

“PART TWO: PAPERS FROM SMALL AREA DATA SETS”

“CHAPTER FOUR: THE DEVELOPMENT OF SEX-RELATED KNOWLEDGE, ATTITUDES, PERCEIVED NORMS, AND BEHAVIORS IN A LONGITUDINAL COHORT OF MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN”

“What do youth believe their peers are doing?”

“Nearly half of the 14-year-old boys and three-fourths of the 14-year-old girls thought that most teen who have sex wish they had waited until they were older.”

“What reasons do youth endorse for not having sex?”

“Given that youth seem to have opportunities that could lead to sex, it is important to assess what might stop them from having sex.  Students were given a list of reasons for not having sex and asked to respond whether each reason was true for them or not.  Fewer boys than girls endorsed each reason regardless of their age, but ‘not wanting to get AIDS or other diseases you can get from sex’ remained the most commonly noted reason for most youth across all ages.  Other major reasons included: not wanting a baby, parental anger, and being too young to have sex.”

“As boys grew older, not wanting to get diseases, not wanting a baby, parental anger, and being too young to have sex remained the primary reasons for not having sex.  However, by age 14, disease and pregnancy prevention seemed the most important, while less than two-thirds were concerned about parental anger and less than half believed they were too young to have sex.”

“Girls showed a similar pattern in terms of the most important reasons not to have sex, but in higher proportion.  Nearly nine out of every ten 12-year-old girls selected: not wanting to get AIDS or other diseases, not wanting a baby, parental anger and being too young as reasons not to have sex.”

“By age 14, 94% of girls reported not wanting to get sexually transmitted diseases and 93% reported not wanting a baby as reasons for not having sex.  Parental anger (77%) and being too young (72%) also continued to be important reasons not to have sex as girls aged.”

“What reasons do youth say motivate them to have sex?”

“The top three reasons that most motivated youth to have sex were love, curiosity, and desire.”

“Reasons to have sex, particularly among boys, included curiosity, love, and desire.”

“CHAPTER FIVE: YOUTH WITH OLDER BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS: ASSOCIATIONS WITH SEXUAL RISK”

“Are youth with an older boyfriend or girlfriend more likely to ever have had sex?”

“More than 40% of 13-year-old boys and 70% of 14-year-old boys with a girlfriend two or more years older reported being sexually experienced, compared to less than 18% of 13-year-olds and 29% of 14-year-olds with a same-age girlfriend.  Among 14-year-old boys, those with older girlfriends were more than 14 times more likely to have had sex than those boys with no girlfriend.  The same pattern holds for girls: One-fifth to one-third of girls 12-14 year old with an older boyfriend reported having had sex, compared to 6% to 13% of girls with a ‘same age’ boyfriend.  For each age group, girls with older boyfriends were roughly ten times more likely to have had sex than girls with no boyfriend.  Although boys are less likely to have an older partner than girls, if they do, they are more likely to have had sex.”

“Why are youth with an older boyfriend or girlfriend more likely to have had sex?”

“It may be because the power differential between an older partner and a younger one can be quite large. Older partners generally have more resources, ‘maturity,’ and status (Phillips, no date; Raymond & Associates, 1996). Also, a young person is at a social and developmental disadvantage when dating someone several years older, making it more difficult to refuse sexual advances. The older partner is more likely to
be sexually experienced than the younger one, and some research suggests that older males may seek out younger partners precisely because they are more able to control the younger partner and their interaction with her (Phillips, n.d.; Raymond & Associates, 1996). Finally, older boyfriends or girlfriends, especially if they have access to automobiles, may provide more opportunities for privacy and, thus, for
sexual activity. On the other hand, even if the young person did not have sex with the older boyfriend or girlfriend, by associating with an older boyfriend or girlfriend, a youth is likely to be exposed to his/her partner’s friends, who are likely to be older. Older youth; in general, are more likely to have had sex and to express positive attitudes toward sex.”

“References”

“Blum, R.W. (2002).  Mothers’ influence on teen sex: Connections that promote postponing sexual intercourse. Center for Adolescent Health and Development.  University of Minnesota.”

“Moore, K.A., Driscoll, A.K., & Lindberg, L.D. (1998). A statistical portrait of adolescent sex, contraception, and childbearing. Washington: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.”

“The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (2002). With one voice 2002: America’s adults and teens sound off about teen pregnancy. [Online]. Available: www.teenpregnancy.org/resources/data/pdf/teenwant.pdf. Washington DC: Author”

“Remez, L. (2000). Oral sex among adolescents: Is it sex or is it abstinence? Family Planning Perspectives, 32(6), 298-304.”

“Terry, E., & Manlove, J. (2000). Trends in sexual activity and contraceptive use among teens.  Washington: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.”

“Phillips, L.M. (n.d.). Unequal partners: Exploring power and consent in adult-teen relationships (Report from phase one of the New Findings, New Approaches: Preventing Adolescent Pregnancy Project). Morristown, NJ: Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey.”

“Raymond & Associates, Inc. (August, 1996).  Teen Partners Study (Final Report).
Rochester, NY: Monroe County.”

(Albert, Bill, Brown, Sarah, Flanigan, Christine M., “14 and Younger: The Sexual Behavior of Young Adolescents,” The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, May 2003)

www.josh.org/resources/research

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Sermons

Condemnation Engineering

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Jesus deals with the judgmental way we often try to control those closest to us. Instead of blaming others for their problems and forcing upon them our “wonderful solutions,” Jesus shows us the effective way of helping the people we love.  The way of asking, seeking and knocking works because it draws people into the kingdom rather than into the web of our devices and plans for them.

 

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Articles

Strategies to Fight Lust for Men and Women

by John Piper
written by John Piper

I have in mind men and women. For men it’s obvious. The need for warfare against the bombardment of visual temptation to fixate on sexual images is urgent. For women it is less obvious, but just as great if we broaden the scope of temptation to food or figure or relational fantasies. When I say “lust” I mean the realm of thought, imagination, and desire that leads to sexual misconduct. So here is one set of strategies in the war against wrong desires. I put it in the form of an acronym, A N T H E M.

 

A – AVOID as much as is possible and reasonable the sights and situations that arouse unfitting desire. I say “possible and reasonable” because some exposure to temptation is inevitable. And I say “unfitting desire” because not all desires for sex, food, and family are bad. We know when they are unfitting and unhelpful and on their way to becoming enslaving. We know our weaknesses and what triggers them. “Avoiding” is a Biblical strategy. “Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness” (2 Timothy 2:22). “Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Romans 13:14).

 

N – Say NO to every lustful thought within five seconds. And say it with the authority of Jesus Christ. “In the name of Jesus, NO!” You don’t have much more than five seconds. Give it more unopposed time than that, and it will lodge itself with such force as to be almost immovable. Say it out loud if you dare. Be tough and warlike. As John Owen said, “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” Strike fast and strike hard. “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” ( James 4:7).

 

T – TURN the mind forcefully toward Christ as a superior satisfaction. Saying “no” will not suffice. You must move from defense to offense. Fight fire with fire. Attack the promises of sin with the promises of Christ. The Bible calls lusts “deceitful desires” (Ephesians 4:22). They lie. They promise more than they can deliver. The Bible calls them “passions of your former ignorance” (1 Peter 1:14). Only fools yield. “All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter” (Proverbs 7:22). Deceit is defeated by truth. Ignorance is defeated by knowledge. It must be glorious truth and beautiful knowledge. This is why I wrote Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus. Then we must turn to them immediately after saying, “NO!”

 

H – HOLD the promise and the pleasure of Christ firmly in your mind until it pushes the other images out. “Fix your eyes on Jesus” (Hebrews 3:1). Here is where many fail. They give in too soon. They say, “I tried to push it out, and it didn’t work.” I ask, “How long did you try?” How hard did you exert your mind? The mind is a muscle. You can flex it with vehemence. Take the kingdom violently (Matthew 11:12). Be brutal. Hold the promise of Christ before your eyes. Hold it. Hold it! Don’t let it go! Keep holding it! How long? As long as it takes. Fight! For Christ’s sake, fight till you win! If an electric garage door were about to crush your child you would hold it up with all our might and holler for help, and hold it and hold it and hold it and hold it.

 

E – ENJOY a superior satisfaction. Cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We default to deceit because we have little delight in Christ. Don’t say, “That’s just not me.” What steps have you taken to waken affection for Jesus? Have you fought for joy? Don’t be fatalistic. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart – more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have: “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days” (Psalm 90:14). Then look, look, look at the most magnificent Person in the universe until you see him the way he is.

 

M – MOVE into a useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable behaviors. Lust grows fast in the garden of leisure. Find a good work to do, and do it with all your might. “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord” (Romans 12:11). “Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 15:58). Abound in work. Get up and do something. Sweep a room. Hammer a nail. Write a letter. Fix a faucet. And do it for Jesus’ sake. You were made to manage and create. Christ died to make you “zealous for good deeds” (Titus 2:14). Displace deceitful lusts with a passion for good deeds.

By John Piper. ©2013 Desiring God Foundation. Website: desiringGod.org. Used by permission.

http://www.desiringgod.org

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Articles

God Sees What We Will Be: Prophetic Blessings

by Beth Moore
written by Beth Moore

Did you know that God has blessed you with hope and a future? His blessing is both personal, powerful and prophetic. Genesis 49 reveals great truths about prophetic blessings as seen in the Old Testament. By studying Jacob’s words, we can also learn how to bless those we love as well.

Jacob’s blessings over his offspring were prophetic. God allowed him to foretell something over each of his children. Although some of Jacob’s words don’t appear to be blessings, they still have the power to bless the life of each child. Jacob’s blessings are “tailor-made” for each son, and are wise and fair. The patriarch’s words have far-reaching effects. The name of each son represents the entire tribe that will descend from him.

“Then Jacob called for his sons and said: Gather around so I can tell you what will happen to you in days to come.” (Genesis 49:1)

Theologian Bruce Waltke writes: “The prophetic blessings embrace both the near and distant future…from the conquest and distribution of the land to the consummate reign of Christ.” “He further states that Jacob’s blessings for his sons identify the twelve tribes and their individual blessing, prophesying their unique destinies within their common destiny as a nation.”

We have a unique destiny within our common future as Christ’s church. After Jesus’ death and resurrection, we don’t have to be in bondage to the sins of our forefathers. “Jesus…cancelled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; He took it away, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:9) We can be free from our past, but we also have a bright future! “We are blessed in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” (Ephesians 1:3)

Though Judah, Jacob’s errant son, had made mistakes in his lifetime, the far reach of blessing upon the tribes of Israel is never more beautifully displayed than in the prophecy Jacob spoke over Judah. The redemption of this one-foolish son is stunning. God tethers his line to eternity with crimson thread, saving earth’s crown for His Son’s Head. Genesis 49:9-12:

“You are a lion’s cub, O Judah;
       you return from the prey, my son.
       Like a lion he crouches and lies down,
       like a lioness—who dares to rouse him?

 10 The scepter will not depart from Judah,
       nor the ruler’s staff from between his feet,
       until he comes to whom it belongs [a]
       and the obedience of the nations is his.

 11 He will tether his donkey to a vine,
       his colt to the choicest branch;
       he will wash his garments in wine,
       his robes in the blood of grapes.

 12 His eyes will be darker than wine,        his teeth whiter than milk.”

The Lion of the Tribe of Judah was the same One who, draped in flesh, rode…down the Mount of Olives to Jerusalem as the crowd cried out, “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!” (Matthew 21:9)

No wonder Judah’s name means “praise.” Kneel and receive your Blessing. Redemption is your and Jesus is your great reward!

Bruce K. Waltke, Genesis: A Commentary (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2001), p. 596 and 602.

Beth Moore, The Patriarchs (Nashville, Tennessee: Lifeway Press, 2006), pp. 231-232. Used by permission of Lifeway.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Articles

Finding Freedom

by Glenn Barteau
written by Glenn Barteau

Everyone makes New Year’s resolutions… like getting in shape. I love the BowFlex commercial… Five minutes, three times a week and you can look like a Greek god. Mr. BowFlex is ripped from head to toe… I say “No way!” Five minutes, three times a week… We are supposed to believe that everyone would look like that?  In fact, it’s only because it’s so hard to look like that… that the BowFlex guy gets paid a lot of money to make the commercial.

So… sometimes we think real people can’t just be imitators of Christ. Good-hearted Christians will struggle over this…We drift toward just giving up on it. “It’s too hard,” we say… “I’m not spiritual enough. The Bible doesn’t really mean that!”  Or we drift toward striving, and laboring away, trying to really, really good. But it just turns into legalism. It becomes toxic. Here’s the deal…Godly men & women leave clues on how to pursue God without going down a legalistic path.  There are spiritual practices, or spiritual disciplines that people have engaged in for thousands of years that have trained and opened them up to a deep and authentic walk with God. The great irony of spiritual disciplines is that we assume they will bring drudgery and bondage. Instead, they lead to great freedom.

We tend to think of spiritual practices as difficult work that just couldn’t be enjoyable; it sounds like anything but freedom. We put in the general category of eating vegetables or going to the dentist.

Galatians 2:4: “This matter arose because some false brothers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves.” These Christ followers seemed to be to happy… having too much fun… getting too much out of life for it to be spiritual… lets spy on them.

Galatians 5:1:“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

God gives us freedom to live as loving, creative, adventurous, kind, and joy-filled people, not as people enslaved by fear, enslaved by guilt, enslaved by materialism, enslaved by greed, or enslaved by unbridled pleasure-seeking.

One of the great lessons we learn from scripture is that God’s intent is not to control us… He doesn’t want you to live in pride, fear, or guilt. His intent is to set us free. Spiritual disciplines draw us into an intimate relationship with God. By drawing near to Him, we find ultimate freedom.

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Articles

Believing the Best

by Karen Holford
written by Karen Holford

Believing the best is a challenge. It is so easy to focus on what’s wrong with someone rather than on what’s right about them. It’s the natural human response. But when we do this, we risk discouraging others and damaging relationships. Even when it is necessary to point out a mistake, appreciation for the effort is needed in generous proportions to the necessary correction. Ten parts affirmation to one part correction is about right, the experts say. if you can’t think of then good things to say, then just affirm what you can and forget the correction this time.

We all become skilled through practice, and with each repetition, there’s opportunity for improvement. In the meantime, even a small dose of gratitude and affirmation keeps people motivated to good works. Even more importantly, it helps them feel good about who they are and the contribution they are making to the family enterprise. The secret is simple. Celebrate the kinds of behaviors you want to see more often. Appreciation is never wasted. You may even share in the rewards!

From Jumpstart Connections, Karen Holford and Ron Flowers, p. 15.

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Bible Studies

Discerning Just and Unjust Criticism

by Julie Barrier
written by Julie Barrier

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JESUS THE TRUTH

The culture in which we live would like to convince us that truth is purely subjective. If we are to distinguish between valid criticism and unjust accusation, we must clearly understand the New Testament concept of truth. If we are to speak the truth in love, we need to comprehend how to identify clearly the heart and nature of God. Jesus not only spoke truly, He was the truth. When Phillip chatted across the table from Jesus at the Last Supper, he broke the Savior’s heart. For three and one-half years, Jesus had been speaking and modeling the truth to His disciples. In the moment when Christ was to complete His earthly ministry and go to the cross, Phillip demonstrated that he did not understand who Jesus was or the truth Christ had tried so desperately to convey. Jesus said to Phillip in John 14:6-14:

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.” Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work.” (NIV)

In this short conversation with Phillip, we learn much about Jesus’ concept of truth. Jesus is truth. He was the embodiment of the character and nature of God the Father. The ceremonies of the Jews were shadows: the life of Jesus was the truth. Jesus was the fountain of all truth; that by his interpretation the prophets spoke, and by him all truth is communicated to men. When we evaluate our lives in light of the criticism (judgment both positive and negative) of trusted counselors, we must remember that the goal of our lives is to look like Jesus, to be conformed to the image of God.

The Old and New Testaments paint portraits of God as true and just. God characterizes Himself as “merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth” (Exodus 34:6). David the Psalmist tells us that all of God’s ways are kind and truthful (Psalm 25:10). Isaiah writes that truth is a characteristic of the nature of God (Isaiah 65:60), and that all of His words are truth (Psalm 119:42).God, in His Word, specifically tells us that it is impossible for Him to lie (1 Samuel 15:29; Hebrews 6:18; James 1:17-18). In the New Testament, Jesus was incarnated with the true nature of God “the only Son of the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). Jesus told the truth. In the gospel of Matthew alone, Christ said “I tell you the truth…” twenty-nine times! The Savior said the reason He spoke truth was because He told the words that He heard from His heavenly Father:

“When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I AM and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me.” John 8:28 (NIV)

  • List some of Jesus’ character traits that minister most to you. Which of these qualities do you possess? Spend some time praying and asking God to make His character evident in your life.
  • Think of your relationship with your earthly father. (If you did not have a father, think of the male father figure you knew best in your growing up years.) How did you perceive him? Did you see him as loving and accepting, as affectionate and kind, or as distant, disappointed, or demanding. Write down your observations here.
  • From your study of the Bible, how does the true nature of God your Heavenly Father as revealed through Jesus look differently than your earthly father (or father figure)? How are they similar?

The Old and New Testaments paint portraits of God as true and just. God characterizes Himself as “merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth” (Exodus 34:6). David the Psalmist tells us that all of God’s ways are kind and truthful (Psalm 25:10). Isaiah writes that truth is a characteristic of the nature of God (Isaiah 65:60), and that all of His words are truth (Psalm 119:42). God, in His Word, specifically tells us that it is impossible for Him to lie (1 Samuel 15:29; Hebrews 6:18; James 1:17-18). In the New Testament, Jesus was incarnated with the true nature of God “the only Son of the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). Jesus told the truth. In the gospel of Matthew alone, Christ said “I tell you the truth…” twenty-nine times! The Savior said the reason He spoke truth was because He told the words that He heard from His heavenly Father:

“When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I AM and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me.” John 8:28 (NIV)

JESUS SPOKE THE TRUTH

We can learn much about how to speak the truth in love to others by studying the words of Jesus, and observing how He dealt with people during His ministry. When Christ spoke to the Pharisees, the unbelieving, arrogant religious leaders of the day, He did not mince words. In Matthew 23:1-36, Jesus revealed the true character of the Pharisees in what is commonly called the “seven woes.” He criticized them for speaking one thing and doing another. He chastised them for loving attention and honor and putting up a good “front.” Jesus said they led seekers astray to hell. He called attention to the fact that the converts they made would model their superficial, legalistic pseudo-spirituality. Jesus decried their emphasis on material things (the gold of the temple, the gift on the altar) rather than spiritual things (making vows to God). Christ claimed that they focused on the peripheral issues of the law and completely missed the law of love. He criticized that they were as dead on the inside as white-washed tombs. Finally, He declared that they were among the unbelieving who had rejected God’s prophets even as they rejected Him. Jesus was bold and harsh with the Pharisees.

However, to the woman caught in the act of adultery, He kindly encouraged her to “Go and sin no more” (John 8:10-11). To the Samaritan woman in John 4: 1-28, Jesus confronted her about her broken marriages and then gently proceeded to lead her to faith. To Nicodemus, He patiently explained His ministry and His purpose (John 3:1-16). From Jesus’ discussion with Nicodemus, we have the clearest explanation in the Bible of who Jesus was and why He came. To Zacchaeus, Jesus sat down at lunch and graciously led him and his whole family to salvation. He was the friend to tax collectors and sinners (Matthew 9:11). He even answered Pilate’s inquiry about His heavenly kingdom (John 18:36-38). But to hard-hearted King Herod, He didn’t say a word (Luke 23:9).

Jesus made a promise to His followers that the Holy Spirit would remain with them after His ascension and would be faithful to guide them into all truth (John 16:12-13). Christ prayed for His disciples in John 17:17, and said that the truth would sanctify them. He further said that God’s Word is truth. As believers, we do not have to follow the details of the Law. The Law was given to reveal man’s need for God and his sinful nature. But grace and truth came through God’s Son:

“For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” John 1:17 (NIV)

The more intimate our relationship with Jesus, the more we will be able to identify truth and speak truly. If we love the truth, then we will welcome it when we hear it from others. We will have teachable hearts:

“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” Proverbs 2:1-6 (NIV)

  • How do you share the message of salvation with others? Are you afraid? Are you confrontive? List some ways that you can build a relationship with someone who is not a believer. How can you love them in a Christlike way and share the truth of the gospel?
  • When you study the Bible this week, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you into all truth. As you read this week’s verses, lists the truths you learn about Jesus from these passages. Write them on the back of this sheet. What truth is God speaking directly to you?

 

APPLYING THE SCRIPTURES

Read the passages below about Jesus and his dealing with others. What do you learn about His relational model?

John 8:1-11, John 4:1-28, John 3:1-16, John 18:36-38, Luke 23:9, Matthew 23:1-36

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