Condemnation engineering” usually goes hand in hand with another we often use to manage the lives of others. That is the practice of pushing or nuggets of wisdom and advice upon them whether they want them or not.
Sunday Morning, March 2, 2008
Condemnation engineering
Matthew 7:1-12
S-1747
The Sermon on the Mount lays out the life we all long to live—but think is just impossible. It is not.
We can not live it on our own very well. But, we can live it rather well indwelt by the very life of Jesus Christ.
In Matthew 7 we come to one of those Christ-like expressions of love that pictures for us what the empowered love-like of Christ is really like.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:1: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
☻SLIDE #: At a recent Comdex computer expo Bill Gates compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 miles per gallon.
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release.
If General Motors built cars like computers:
☻SLIDE #: For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
☻SLIDE #: Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway. You have to pull over, close all the windows, shut off the car, restart it and open the windows again before you could continue.
☻SLIDE #: Every time they repaint the lines in the road, you have to buy a new car.
☻SLIDE #: Mackintosh would make a reliable sun-powered car that was five times as fast and twice as easy to drive—but only runs on 5% of the roads.
☻SLIDE #: The alternator, oil pressure and water temperature gauges are replaced by a single warning light: “This car had performed an illegal operation.” Your car immediately shuts down.
☻SLIDE #: Occasionally, your car locks you out until you lift the door handle, turn on the ignition key and grab the back tire—all at the same time.
☻SLIDE #: You have to push the start button to turn it off.
Jesus says, “If you decide to judge, you won’t like it so much when you are judged in return.
In Matthew 7:1-6, Jesus deals with the deadly way in which we try to manage or control those closest to us by condemning them and by forcing upon them our “wonderful solutions.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:1-2: 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:3-5: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:6: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.
In Matthew 7:7-12, Jesus shows us a truly effective way of helping the people we love—a way of drawing people into the kingdom rather than into the web of our devices and plans for them.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:7-8: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:9 “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:12: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
☻SLIDE #: Jesus ENCOURAGES US TO REFRAIN FROM CONDEMNATION ENGINEERING.
Story: So, Pastors has men going to retreat stand up and then scolds all the ones still sitting down.
He condemned thirty guys into serving.
We have great confidence in the power of condemnation, guilt, scolding or intimidation to “straighten others out.”
But, it seldom works.
How many of you have ever experienced someone trying to change your behavior by condemnation engineering?
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:1: “Do not judge…”
☻SLIDE #: When we judge others we are often saying:
“You are wrong. you should stop Doing That!”
Most families would be healthier and happier if their members treated one another with the respect they would give to a perfect stranger.
☻SLIDE #: Ephesians 4:29-30: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
If you cannot talk like that, keep your mouth shut.
☻SLIDE #: When we condemn others we communicate at least three things:
—“I am better than you are.”
—“you wrong and probably bad.”
—You and your behavior ought to be rejected.”
☻SLIDE #: Condemnation engineering can wound deeply.
Soon we are moving them into the realm of shame.
First half of dog and mace story.” Explain heart flutter, Julie gone, decide to walk dogs, long walking leashes, goody charges,
Feet and legs wrapped? Surely laying down in street.
“You are the kind of person who ruins it for all the others of us. Isolated. Not just my actions were condemned—my personhood was attacked and declared wanting.” I was rejected—all over my ability to handle my dogs.
“If I catch you out here with that little dog acting like that I am going to spray him with mace….then I will spray you with mace.”
In essence he not only rejected my behavior, he rejected me—and shamed me.
“Shame on you!” How many have been told that?
How many of you felt better after they said it?
How many of you got angry at the one who “shamed you”?
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:1-2: 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Condemnation brings anger. In return anger will attack back.
If an counterattack is unacceptable, as often it is in a family setting, anger may be shoved beneath the surface and then come out in a variety of improper behaviors: perfectionism, procrastination, rejection of authority, or passive/aggressive tendencies among others.
If you try condemnation engineering you will get it back and you will get bitten.
“Boycott Disneyland on gay day. Disneyland did not have a “Gay day.” A coalition of gays decided to make one.
☻SLIDE #: SBC decided to show displeasure by arranging an nation-wide boycott.
Reverend Ken Whitten preaching annual sermon encouraging the boycott.
“Is Peter Pan a boy or a girl? Or perhaps a cross-dresser?
“Snow White running around with 7 dwarfs. Think about it. Is that strange, or what?”
“Have you ever considered that Disneyland’s Main Street has no church! There is a church in every town in America.
Was it effective? Took money out of their wallets by boycotting! That showed them God of the universe in his love and majesty! No! They hate us.
78% of Americans identify the American evangelical church is the “most judgmental segment of American society.”
This does not mean that we are never to look into the lives of others and offer guidance.
Who Can “Correct” Others (Galatians 6:1-2)?
☻SLIDE #: Galatians 6:1-2: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
☻SLIDE #: First, we don’t undertake to correct unless we are absolutely sure of the sin. Here in the language of 1 Corinthians 13 comes into play: love “believes all things, hopes all things.” If there is any lack of clarity about whether the sin occurred, assume it did not. At least, don’t start correcting.
☻SLIDE #: Second, not just anyone is to correct them. Correction is reserved for those who live and work in the agape-love lifestyle of Christ.
☻SLIDE #: Third, Correction is not a matter of “straightening them out.” It is a matter of restoration into the Kingdom—to bring them back on the path of Jesus by a proper attitude of love.
☻SLIDE #: Fourth, those restoring others must minister with the knowledge that they could well do the exact same thing they are attempting to restore in others.
Bill Weber
Mentor and multiple other young men on staff, even John Wyatt
Taught me, cross border into Arizona no longer a Texan
Who is pastor?
Benefit of slop.
Married Julie and me: marriage counseling
☻SLIDE #: Bill Weber: Addicted to committing adultery with blonds.
If you are going to assume the role of judging and evaluating others then you had better pay attention to what is going on beneath your surface.
☻SLIDE #: (young Gary) Gary Shrader behind the scenes. Probably the most respected person behind the scenes on our staff. Integrity and loyalty and spiritually and wisdom.
☻SLIDE #: (current Gary) When Gary speaks people listen.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:3-5: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
How does Jesus know there is a board in our eye?
Is it just the let-him-who-is-without-sin-cast-the-first-stone routine?
The mere fact that we are condemning someone shows our heart does not have the kingdom rightness he has been talking about.
☻SLIDE #: Condemnation is the board in our eye.
We cannot “see clearly” how to assist our brother, because we cannot see our brother.
☻SLIDE #34: Let me describe this with a principle Julie and I try to follow in our marriage.
My job is to minister to Julie’s needs. I can do that. It is the job or the Holy Spirit—not Julie—to convict me of my sins.
Julie’s job is to minister to my needs. She can do that. It is the job or the Holy Spirit—not Roger—to convict her of her sins.
Julie losing keys angered me greatly. Fallenness. Stop it.
Now, she is helping me: Wearing sunglasses in the house. “I know if I take them off I will lose them.”
☻SLIDE #: I know how to fix it. Do it my way!” (Matthew 7:6).
Condemnation engineering” usually goes hand in hand with another we often use to manage the lives of others.
That is the practice of pushing or nuggets of wisdom and advice upon them whether they want them or not.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:6: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.
The problem with pearls for pigs is not that pigs are unworthy.
The problem is that pigs cannot digest pearls; and, dogs cannot eat Bible verses.
The reason these animals finally “trample and tear us to pieces” is that they are so sick of hearing how we think it ought to be done that one day—since they can’t eat our pearls, they turn on us and eat us up.
The real problems in their lives are seldom on the surface. We need to touch the heart.
☻SLIDE #: How do you fix up a pig?
Bath, powder his little leg pits.
Curl his tail.
Trim the hair in his ears.
Put moisturizer on his snout.
Channel #5 perfume.
Put him down—and what does he do? He makes a frantic run back to the slop.
The issue is not the outside.
We respect and never forget that the latch of the heart is within.
Little pearls of wisdom seldom get to the heart.
Jesus shows us a better way, to help the ones we care about.
☻SLIDE #: Jesus ENCOURAGES US TO draw people into the kingdom rather than into the web of our devices and plans for them (Matthew 7:7-12)
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:7-8: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Our approach to influencing others is simply to ask them to change, and to help them in any way they ask of us.
Never again counsel with the words “should” or “ought.”
“You might consider this…”
Once I back away, maintaining a sensitive and non-manipulative presence, I am no longer their problem. As I listen, they do not have to protect themselves from me, and they begin to open up.
We may quickly begin to appear to them as a possible ally and resource.
STORY: Adult resources for children: Dr Poage and daughter in Chicago.
And as long as we respect them before God, and are thoughtful and gracious, we can keep asking, in appropriate ways, keep seeking and keep knocking on the door of their lives.
In humility we move into a position of trusted advisor—not another minister of condemnation.
Asking, seeking and knocking are the natural extension of this dynamic when we turn to ask God to work in their lives and hearts to bring about changes.
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:9: “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
STORY: Ontario, CA dad giving gift of love, acceptance and mercy to his daughter
“Daddy, is that you.”
☻SLIDE #: Matthew 7:12: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
The “Golden Rule” perfectly captures the meaning of Jesus’ teachings in Matthew 7:1-12 (and, in fact, for the entire Sermon).
Instead of harassing others with our judgments and treasures, we stand before them with our helpless requests, while simultaneously standing before God Almighty King with our requests for them.
☻SLIDE #: In the previous eleven verses agape love is concretely illustrated in three ways:
Not condemning or blaming those around us (vv. 1-5)
Not forcing our “wonderful things” upon them (v.6)
Simply asking for what we want for them—and from God (vv. 7-11)
In kingdom life we extend the respect to others that we would naturally hope others would extend to us. That is how love behaves.
☻SLIDE #: Now let’s return to Roger tied up, shamed and humiliated on the sidewalk.
Review story.
☻SLIDE #: Wanted his help—not his condemnation—here is what I wish he would have done: I needed help. The issue of right or wrong was in no way the issue. I had made mistakes….
People are tied up all around us. They most often need a helping hand—not words of shame and condemnation.
The Christ Follower living in the kingdom refuses to add more hurt and pain.
Instead they respond in love. And help them onto a better path.