Being in any relationship for any length of time with any person is hard.
I mean, let’s face it: We all live this life through a lens focused on self, and self often doesn’t like it when self is being mistreated.
Truly this isn’t news to any of us who have lived in adulthood for more than a few years, but what can be news to some of us is that this “self lens” is a lie, and it is the source for more of our life-spun angst than we are many times willing to admit.
Just a few months ago, my husband and I had a little tiff. I write “little” a bit facetiously because it was more than just a little argument to me. It was huge. It took me to my knees, quite literally, into fits of sobs and cries in which I don’t often allow myself to indulge. As is generally the case, my poor husband wasn’t quite sure why this particular spat took me to such levels of despair, but as most of you women know, we pile stuff up.
A few misguided words here, an occasional misdirected look there, and before we or the people around us know it, we are spinning out of control in a hurricane of emotion. It often takes us completely by surprise, and when that happens, we are loathe to know how to stave off the inevitable storm.
This was one such time for me, but that’s not where I want to direct my story. Instead, I want to skip to the end, to my encounter with God as I fell apart.
I waited for Jeff to leave for the day before I lost it, and when I did, a lot of pain bubbled to the surface. I found myself crying out to God, as I often do in those rare occasions when I let tears come, repenting of my need for approval, telling Him how sorry I was that I let the words and actions of others dictate my joy. I cried and cried, wanting to feel better, waiting for my Father to soothe me in some way.
And He did, of course, but it was the way in which He did it that surprised me…at first.
I was sitting alone, crying and repenting, when I very clearly heard my Lord say to me,
“Am I enough for you?”
These words were unexpected. “Yes!” I cried even louder. “Yes, Lord, You are enough for me! I’m so sorry that I often act as though You are not.”
A slight pause, and then,
“Am I enough for you?”
“You are my strength and my shield, my Redeemer and my Deliverer,” I cried. “You are all I need! Please forgive my unbelief!”
Quiet, and then again,
“Am I enough for you?”
After hearing these words in my head for a third time, the comfort I was seeking so vehemently finally came. I didn’t answer Him right away this time, as I instead was taken aback by how much He loves me and the way in which He displays that love toward me.
I suddenly remembered Jesus’ words in John 14:21,
He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.
God will always comfort us by showing Himself to us. He brings peace by pointing us to Him.
It dawned on me after hearing His question a third time that God never strokes me or soothes me by making much of me or drawing attention to me. In all the seasons of my life when my Father has comforted me, He has done so by pointing my attention back onto Him.
He is the Author and Giver of life. He is the only source and manifestation of love. To look anywhere beyond or around Him does not, and will not, lead to happiness and satisfaction. My Savior, My God, gave Himself up for me so that I might live. He is the truest and most complete definition of love. How can He not be enough for me?
In that moment, my human heart wanted to be stroked. My human tears longed to be wiped away with words like, “I love you, Deb. You are my treasure and my bride.” And these words would be true words from my Savior. However, when my heart is breaking because I am looking anywhere else but to God, the only comfort He will ever give me will be Himself.
“Look at Me,” He will say. “Gaze upon Me, for I am life. I am joy. I am peace.”
My comfort that day came in the constancy of my Father’s character. It came in the constancy of my Savior’s sacrificial love. He never changes. He always remains the same.
He is constantly constant.
What amazing peace that brought me in those moments of despair! I belong to a God, the God, who is constant. His love, His salvation, His mercy, His grace—they are constant, no matter what else may come in this lifetime. That means no matter what I do or what might be done to me. He never changes.
Sisters, life is hard. There are moments in every single day where we might find ourselves sinking in despair. I say to you, as my Father said to me, “Look up! Look to the One who chose you and will keep you, but most especially, look to the One who is all that is righteous and good and loving.”
Stay in this truth. He is constant and He does not shift with the wind or with your crazy, out-of-control circumstances.
Sing with the psalmist in Psalm 121:1-3,
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made the heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved,
he who keeps you will not
slumber.
Let His peace reign supreme in your life right now. He has not left you. He will not leave you.
He is constantly constant.
www.debwaterbury.com.