Friends Tell Us The Truth
Friends who have our best interest at heart can confront us when we need it. Solomon penned this powerful proverb about loving confrontation in Proverbs 27: 5-6:
“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6 NIV
Nathan was a trusted friend that loved his monarch enough to tell him the truth. We know that Nathan the prophet had rebuked King David for his adultery with Bathsheba (2 Sam. 12:7). The same prophet who brought down scathing judgment upon his father also loved David and remained his trusted advisor when the King repented (2 Samuel 7:17). The prophet assured David that his throne would be established forever. He prophesied that David’s son (Solomon) would build the temple. Nathan was present at Solomon’s birth and gave him the nickname “Jedediah”-beloved of God (2 Samuel 12:25). Nathan also rescued Solomon from Adonijah’s attempt to overthrow his throne. Young Solomon was advised by Nathan to ride David’s donkey to Gihon and be anointed as king by Zadok the priest (1 Kings 1:38-40). Because of Nathan’s advice to David and his cool head in a crisis, Solomon was able to ascend his rightful throne (1 Kings:1-24-27). Solomon knew that his father David had sinned, but he saw firsthand the courage it took for Nathan to confront his father. The prophet’s life was on the line. Nathan loved David enough to confront his king.
• Have you ever had someone confront you about a blind spot in your life? What was your response?
• Are you able to sort out whether the rebuke you received was given in love or in spite? Was the criticism valid?
A LOVING WARNING
David heard that his son has been murdered! He was overcome with grief and despair. Such great sorrow clouded his thinking and caused him to forget his responsibility to his nation and his loyal troops. In 2 Samuel 18:33 Absalom’s father laments his son’s death:
“The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!”) (Joab was told, “The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, “The king is grieving for his son.” The men stole into the city that day as men steal into the city that day as men steal in who are ashamed when they flee from battle. The king covered his face and cried aloud, “O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!.” NIV
Do you know what David needed? He needed a friend who could objectively observe the situation and warn the king of his devastating mistake. Before the troops could revolt, Joab cared enough to confront his king. In 2 Samuel 19:5-7 we read Joab’s rebuke:
“Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, “Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased it Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come upon you from your youth till now.” NIV
By warning David of the troop’s discontent, Joab risked his position as general. The sorrowful king could have him executed. But Joab took the risk and saved David’s throne. Friends can confront each other because they are committed to the relationship. Mutual trust and affection build a strong foundation for a friendship. The king knew that his general loved him and wanted to protect him. David listened and repented. Because of Joab’s counsel, his reign was secure.
“So the king got up and took his seat in the gateway. When the men were told, “The king is sitting in the gateway,” they all came before him.” 2 Samuel 19:8 NIV
• Have you ever felt like the mantle of leadership was too difficult to bear? Why?
• Who has come into your life to encourage you?
• What benefits have you reaped from listening to wise counsel?
BETRAYAL IN THE PALACE
Unlike Nathan, Joab did not remain David’s friend. He lost respect for his monarch and ultimately betrayed him. King Solomon felt that betrayal deeply. He emphasized the importance of true, loyal friends in Proverbs 20:28:
“Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure.” NIV
Joab embodied the traitorous advisor who turned from friend to foe. He was one of David’s greatest warriors, the charismatic general of Israel’s armies.(2 Samuel 20:23). Even after Joab’s rebuke, David continued to love and rely on him. That was a mistake. King David was Joab’s hero, and Joab felt his king had let him down. The trusted leader of David’s armies murdered his two commanders-Amasa and Abner (1 Kings 2:5b). Near the end of his life, one of David’s parting
instructions to Solomon were to kill Joab. (1 Kings 2:6). After Solomon ascended the throne, Joab was the number one man to support Adonijah’s treasonous rebellion.
Sadness seems to permeate the words of Solomon in Proverbs 19:4 and 6. The king may have been revealing the insecurity he felt about loyal confidants. We know that Solomon’s name meant “peace” and that his warrior father was wildly popular. [See Study on “Getting to Know King Solomon”-Day One.] Because Solomon was so young when he ascended the throne (historians say he was between the ages of 12 and 20), Solomon was probably leery of those who pretended to be his allies. The young leader had watched the betrayal and court intrigue during his father’s reign in the form of murder, incest, and treason. After Solomon ascended the throne, Joab was the number one man to support Adonijah’s treasonous rebellion. Joab’s traitorous actions cost him his life.
“When the news reached Joab, who had conspired with Adonijah though not with Absalom, he fled to the tent of the LORD and took hold of the horns of the altar. King Solomon was told that Joab had fled to the tent of the LORD and was beside the altar. Then Solomon ordered Benaiah son of Jehoiada, “Go, strike him down!” (1 Kings 2:28-29) NIV
Solomon probably never knew who his real friends were.
• Do you have difficulty trusting others? Why or why not?
• Are you discerning about the friends you choose?
• If you have suffered betrayal, do you find it difficult to commit to another relationship? Why or why not?
Friends impact our lives. We must choose our friends wisely. When we choose correctly, it is like perfume to the heart.
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel” (Proverb 27:9).
If we are in the company of good friends, we become better people. If we associate with unscrupulous friends, we become worse. Proverb 12:26 affirms this fact:
“A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” NIV
APPLYING THE TRUTH
Read Proverbs 27:6; Proverbs 20:28; Proverbs 19:4 and 6; Proverbs 27:9; Proverbs 12:26
Write out the Scripture(s), thought(s), and question(s) from today’s devotional that you want to spend more time thinking about. What will you apply to your life?
King Solomon observes that honesty is essential to true friendships, but Paul tells us to speak the truth in love.