Dear Roger,
I have a question regarding a divorce. I married my then spouse for all the wrong reasons. I thought things would change after the marriage, but they got worse. My then spouse confessed he didn’t believe in god and he brought all types of evils into our family. After many failed attempts to get him to join a church or get counseling I decided it only be wise to leave him. My concern is on remarrying, we were married in a court building, not on biblical grounds. So am I able to remarry if I cleanse myself, repent for those sins?
Sincerely, Nicole
Dear Nicole,
Yes, under the Bible’s guidelines you are free to remarry. In fact, the Biblical teaching is quite clear. If you have grounds for divorce then you have the right to remarry.
So, since you are the one to divorce your husband, let’s be sure that you had Biblical grounds for initiating a divorce. From everything that I can tell, you had the Biblical right to divorce your husband.
According to the teachings of both Jesus and Paul, your husband failed to live up to his marriage vows and to his marriage responsibilities as outlined in Ephesians 5:25-33. In essence he broke up your marriage even before you were divorced. Paul taught that the role of a husband is to love and sacrifice for his wife as Jesus loved and sacrificed His life for His church. The husband is to invest his life in loving his wife and caring for her needs even before he takes care of his own. He is responsible to make her into the best woman she can possibly be. He is to watch over her and protect her from “evil things” like the ones he brought into your house. He is responsible for his wife’s spiritual development.
From what you described, your husband walked out on you a long time ago—even while you both lived under the same roof.
In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul taught that married people are not to divorce. He taught that if a Christian is married to an unbelieving spouse who wants to stay married, then the Christian is to remain because you never know whether or not they might get their lives straightened out with Christ.
Paul also taught that if a Christian is married to an unbelieving spouse and the unbelieving spouse wants out of the marriage, then the Christian is “no longer bound in such circumstances.”
Nicole, I believe that in your case, your unbelieving husband has, by his very actions made it very clear that he has abandoned your marriage. Therefore, “in your circumstance” you are not bound and thus free to remarry.
So, go ahead and confess the ways you might have not been the best wife, let your heart break over the pain of a failed marriage. Then, begin to pick up the pieces of your life and begin a new chapter. May God bring just the right Xhristian man into your life. May you be blessed with the marriage you wanted to begin with! May God grant good days ahead for you.
By the way, when you prepare to remarry, remember that thinkkng you can change a man is usually wishful thinking. What you see is what you get. However, the grace of God can turn any spouse into the very reflection of Jesus Chhrsit. So, don’t give up hope.
Love, Roger