Dear Roger,
What if you are having thoughts attempting rape, then you position yourself to do it, but then you don’t do it because you know God is watching you. Does God forgive you for if you ask him to forgive you for it?
Name Withheld
Dear Name Withheld
Yes, If you have committed your life to Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord, received Him into your life and asked your Savior to forgive you for your sins then, He will forgive you. The fact is that if you commit the sin of rape and not have your sins forgiven by Jesus when He died on the cross, then God will reserve for you a place in one of the lower levels of Hell.
Rape is dastardly thing.
I am glad you didn’t act on your feelings. I think we should consider some things about your temptation that may prove helpful you.
FIRST, THINK ABOUT THE VICTIM.
Most sexual abuse victims never get over what has happened to them. Most lives are ruined forever.
Most victims will have trouble having sex for the rest of their lives. Perpetrators have stolen a bit of life from the victim as well as from her husband or future husband.
Most rape victims experience incredible shame, rejection, feeling dirty, anger, vulnerability, loneliness and guilt. Most every man (or woman) who experiences rape will seldom, if ever, have normal relationships with men (or women). Those relationships are viewed as threats, never to trust those of the opposite sex.
Amnon’s rape of Tamar, David’s daughter, illustrates well the trauma and shame of rape victims
I am copying below 2 Samuel 13:10-22. It is a story hard to ignore as we consider the victim of rape. It is fascinating reading.
Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. 11 But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”
12 “No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. 13 What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? …
But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”
“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”
But he refused to listen to her. 17 He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” 18 So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her.
She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.
Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.
21 When King David heard all this, he was furious. 22 And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.
Is it any surprise that soon after the rape Tamar’s older brother Absalom murdered Amnon?
Most victims bury the horror deep inside until one day it all begins oozing out–often in their 40s. One rape victim came to our church for help. Two of our counselors had special training in helping sex victims get free. I assigned Ann to work with her. The woman’s horror began when she was about fourteen-years old when her step-dad first raped her. He used tricky manipulation to keep her from revealing what was occurring.
Then, one day step-dad brought one of his friends home and she was raped again–by both. Then, three friends and then four. Now she is forty and “land minds” are everywhere. She never knows when she or one of her friends will step on one and all sorts of anger and decimated behavior came forth.
Ann worked hard to help her heal. Our rape victim received Christ and was baptized. Ann continued her therapy for several years! One of her biggest stumbling blocks was, “Where was God when she was being raped (That is another story for a later time.)? I’d like to tell you that she was fully healed; but, I can’t. She gradually pulled away from counseling and then she was gone. She didn’t leave fully healed and well. She just left.
So, consider that something you can do in five minutes can ruin a life for the next fifty years.
With patience and care many victims can find healing by integrating the rape into the fabric of their lives–as they do with many other experiences both good and bad. But, keep in mind that no rape victim will get over it quickly or easily. Time and loving care can get the victim well down the road of healing.
SECOND, THINK ABOUT GOD.
As you mentioned in your letter, God is watching. What do you think He is thinking? How do you think He is feeling? You are breaking his heart. He is watching the victim in her (or his) pleading and screaming, “No! No! Please stop!” Or maybe she is not resisting knowing that the best defense against further harm is not to fight back. God sees the terror in her eyes.
He turns His attention to you. Again his heart breaks. One of His creatures is perpetrating such pain and horror against another. He can’t believe you are doing this dastardly deed. Then, He thinks, “Sure he can. Sin is rampant everywhere in My world.”
Then, He thinks about Jesus. If the only sin ever committed was this rape, Jesus would still have gone to the cross just to forgive this one sin.
FINALLY, THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.
Unless you are a sociopath (which I feel certain you aren’t by the way you ask your question) and you commit rape then your conscience will overwhelm you with guilt for the rest of your life. Guilt can be an unrelenting foe (1 Timothy 4:2 and Titus 1:15).
Of course, there is the crime committed and thus the ongoing fear that you will be caught. When Julie and I were first married I hired a young man in his early twenties to help Julie and me plant a garden and do some other yard work. I had to go to the hardware store to pick up some materials. I left Julie working with the young man.
I thought nothing more about it until I received a call that one of our members was just arrested for rape. I drove to the jail and there was our lawn man in bright-orange coveralls. He had done his dirty deed and ran to his truck to get away. But, he was trapped in a dry river bed filled with plenty of sand. He was still trying to extricate his truck when the police arrived to take him away.
I thanked God that he didn’t select Julie to be his next victim. I felt sad for the woman he did select. Her life will never be the same again.
By the way, at his trial, his defense lawyer asked me (since I was his “pastor”) if I would be a character witness on his behalf. I said, “Are you kidding!! The police caught him dead to rights. Besides, it could’ve just as easily been Julie. I don’t want him to have character witnesses, I want him to go to jail!”
He did.
It soon came out that she was not his first rape; but, hopefully it will be his last. He was locked up and sentenced for decades.
One important myth is that rape is the result of an uncontrollable sexual urge. This is seldom true. Rape is much more a criminal act of violence.
Name Withheld, I’ve shared some reasonable thoughts that I hope will be helpful if ever again you are tempted.
However, I am concerned about your thoughts regarding rape. I recommend talking to your pastor or to a good counselor to find out what is “causing” this sort of thinking and strategizing. You may have some brain chemistry issues or events in your past or present that are enhancing this desire. You may be expressing repressed anger from an earlier time in your life.
You know as well as I do that Satan will try to have his “claws” deep into your life tempting you to commit this sin. I suggest that you keep your life pure so that he cannot gain a foothold.
Sincerely, Ask Roger