The secret to self-control is to make decisions against your ego, flesh and second bests in life. Establish goals. An absence of goals is an absence of faith. Establish boundaries and routines. Self-control, a fruit of the Holy Spirit, keeps our hearts pure.
Preached at National Community Church. Used by permission.
Are you old enough to remember retrieving the newspaper in the morning? My dad would crack the front door every morning, stroll out to the driveway, grab The Arizona Daily Star, tuck it under his arm, and bring it to the kitchen. He would sit at the breakfast table, bowl of granola in front of him, with the news of the day spread out on 15” x 22” of grey paper.
Today, most of us get the news before we reach the kitchen. Sitting on the toilet, we scroll our 3” x 5” devices and the news of our friends and the world is piped into our palms via Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
This change is not neutral. While there are many ways we can point to social media as a benefit (connection with friends across the world, and providing a voice for those who wouldn’t have had the ability to speak to larger groups, for instance), it doesn’t come without a cost.
Netflix’s The Social Dilemma[i] raises the alarm about the cost of social media. What are the dangers of social media? Most of us have a nagging suspicion that all is not well with our relationship with social media. But what is it precisely that we should be concerned about?
The ex-employees and leaders of various social media platforms put their finger on what some of those issues are in The Social Dilemma. These employees point out that Google, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Tik Tok, and the rest are leveraging the work of psychologists to capture their prize: an ever-increasing slice of our attention. They’ve weaponized our neurological rewards systems against us.
Let’s examine four specific dangers of social media:
I’m grateful my parents didn’t let us buy an Atari or Nintendo when I was a kid. I didn’t have the wisdom nor the self-restraint to protect me from the magnetic dopamine hits those screens provided. I remember going to friends’ houses and getting sucked into the world of video games. As many other young men have learned when they went off to college, I learned the challenge of having unfettered access to video games in my college dorm. As soon as I came back to my room, there was certain to be someone, somewhere on the hall playing. The words of Solomon about the prostitute could be applied to the call of those screens:
For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to Sheol;
she does not ponder the path of life;
her ways wander, and she does not know it. (Prov 5:3-6)
Our lives have become one big college dorm room. The Siren’s call of our screen is ever-present. And we are running the ship of our attention into her rocks again and again. Check your screen time for last week. Would you want to schedule that many hours for your phone into next week’s schedule? I doubt it. Our phones are gobbling up time that, if we were wise, we would devote to prayer, reading, service, or exercise.
Human beings are social animals. We all need relationships. Over the past fifty years, that community has shifted from public spaces (parks, bowling alleys, and restaurants) to our cell phones. While our communities on social media are bigger and more geographically diverse, they are much thinner. Instead of a handful of friends we invest in, we invest into hundreds of relationships.
Many have exchanged a few deep relationships for many shallow ones. And the lack of face-to-face interaction means that communication we have with one another tends not to have the same depth. We don’t often move past the superficial. We rarely step through peacemaking to resolve our differences. Whenever the slightest hiccup in a relationship comes, we move on.
The Social Dilemma spends a bulk of its time explaining how and why social media is divisive. There are two primary reasons, both driven by the same fact: social media companies want us to be on their platforms as long as possible. We are not consumers of their products. We are their product. They sell us to advertisers.
The first reason social media is divisive is that it keeps us in our ideological echo chambers. We stay longer in places we are comfortable than uncomfortable, and so, social media companies suppress the content of friends who have perspectives that might make us uncomfortable and amplify the content of friends with whom we agree. The second reason social media companies are divisive is that they amplify content that drives heightened engagement. Go to YouTube right now and check out the titles that fill your screen: they’re almost all clickbait. It’s as though each of has a personalized National Enquirer funneled to pocket every second of every day. Outlandish headlines vie for our attention, fan our anger, and calcify our beliefs.
Republican and Democrat alike are convinced that the other party is destroying our nation. More and more see the other party as the primary threat to our nation. Social media is complicit in creating this divisive culture. It rewards us for caricaturing our ideological opponent, it suppresses nuanced, level-headed engagement.
A friend of mine posted what I quote below on Facebook last week. His post is so helpful. I wasn’t surprised to see that I was the lone comment on the post and one of only a few likes. I’m sure most of his friends didn’t even see the post as it doesn’t trigger any of the algorithm amplifiers Facebook has in play. It’s worth reading and reflecting on:
The election is over but our divisions remain deep. Today I would be heartened to remember THE COMMON GOOD. What are some things we can all agree on? What are some goals we all strive for, whatever our differences in how to achieve them?
This exercise in no way suggests that the differences aren’t real, and sometimes significant. But humanizing each other, seeing our commonalities, matters.
A few things come to mind, in no particular order. (What’s on your list??? Tell me in the comments.)
– Cherishing family and loved ones.
– Defending the innocent and the oppressed.
– Acting with justice towards one another.
– Freedom and liberty – to live as each of us sees fit, to worship or not in whatever way, to assemble and associate, to speak freely, to make use of our economic resources as we see fit.
– That we jointly protect the public square and jointly share in the burdens of our defense and governance.
– Creating good jobs and a fair shot at success.
– Rewarding hard work, innovation, and effort.
– Playing fairly, not stealing or swindling others.
– Protecting our families and communities from injury/harm.
– Not lying, not deceiving others. Not bearing false witness.
– Behaving with decency and kindness.
– Seeking truth and learning. Understanding there *is* True and False, right and wrong – and that ideas have consequences. Working hard to overcome our own biases and be open to the truth.
– Understanding one another and listening to one another.
– Honoring our obligations, written and unwritten.
– Finding and celebrating beauty in this world.
– Being good stewards of resources that have been entrusted to us.
– Enjoying good things in life – the blessings of good food and clean water and shelter and technology – and seeking to create a world where more people enjoy those things.
– Handing things on to the next generation better than we found them.
– Seeking and celebrating things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy.
Social media isn’t built for this type of unifying conversation. But, don’t you think we need more of it, not less?
It’s not surprising that my blog gets a fraction of the visibility it used to on social media (if you’re reading this via Facebook or Twitter, you’re in the minority). As a side note, this is why subscribing to receive blogs via email is so important to maintain the relationship between bloggers and readers, most bloggers are trying to write in a way that breaks this chain.
Finally, the gatekeepers of social media are not neutral arbiters. They have ideological commitments that run counter to a Christian worldview. I don’t say that with any animus toward them. It’s just a fact. They should no more expect me to host a blog that gives equal footing to a secular naturalist worldview than I should for them to create environments on their sites that are favorable for Christians. Social media companies have unequally applied their “hate speech” censorship to those of different ideological stripes.
Along with many other churches, we’ve struggled with streaming services on Facebook. Again and again our streams have been shut down due to non-existent copyright infringement. I don’t believe Facebook is targeting churches. But they’re not working hard to fix their broken system. They don’t have a reason to do so.
I fully expect these voices’ marginalization will only get worse, not better, in the coming years. Why would it be otherwise? Our interests and purposes are completely misaligned.
So, what do we do in light of this discouraging news?
First, let’s be thoughtful and strategic about our social media usage. Realize that the game is rigged against you. Knowing that, make intentional choices to tilt that game back in your favor. That might mean you keep your phone out of your bedroom or away from your desk at work, maybe it means that you remove notifications, or perhaps you uninstall the apps on your phone, or you might even delete your accounts.
Second, let’s not just pull away from what is dangerous, let’s pull toward what is good. Let’s be intentional about the way we are creating and building relationships. Let’s be thoughtful about how we are getting our news and information. Subscribe to helpful blogs and podcasts. Pick up a book. Prioritize time in the Bible and prayer.
I’m right there with you. These are challenges in my life that I’m reassessing even now. As a pastor, I believe I need to be on social media. But I’m no less immune to its pull and toxicity than you. What are your best tips? I would love to learn from you.
[i] The irony of Netflix releasing this movie should be noted, as Netflix utilizes similar technologies to its own advantage. In fact, their CEO famously said that their real competition wasn’t another company, it was sleep.
www.thebeehive.live. Used by permission.
Paul teaches the importance of waiting for the right person, to maintain your sexual purity and to not be afraid to be single when He calls you to be. He calls those who are married to honor the desires of their spouse.
Preached at Elevation Church.
Proverbs 16:32 says, “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”
“Self-control is often used to describe a favorable character trait in people. The word is used fairly frequently, but what exactly is self-control, and why is it important?”
Here, we’ll share some secrets of self-control and ways to pass on the practice of self-control to your children.
WHAT IS SELF-CONTROL?
Self-control is the war between impulsivity and doing what’s right or beneficial. It’s the ability to control emotions, impulses or behaviors to achieve a greater goal.
A common example of this is people attempting to maintain their New Year’s Resolution and lose a few pounds. It can be very difficult to refuse seconds of dinner or dessert afterward, but those practicing self-control know that they are working toward a long-term goal. While the immediate satisfaction would be sweet, the long-term results probably wouldn’t be weight loss.
WHY IS SELF-CONTROL IMPORTANT?
This may seem self-explanatory, but it’s helpful to work through this question thoughtfully.
Is self-control really that important, or is it better to enjoy the moment and not concern oneself with future outcomes?
Besides risking the ability to achieve long-term goals, there are other problematic issues with a lack of self-control.
People who lack self-control are often given to impulsive behavior and emotions as well. This means that they may make poor choices that harm themselves or others and react poorly when they don’t get what they want.
Imagine a toddler who wants something but the parent says no. Often, the initial reaction is to behave impulsively. They may throw a tantrum and hit and scream. Toddlers are still learning to regulate their emotions and respond appropriately when things don’t go their way.
The same is true for people of all ages. Self-control is an important skill to develop because these same emotions occur in any person who feels that their needs or desires are not being met. However, a person who lacks self-control may respond in a variety of ways including with anger, physical violence or by turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
A person who lacks self-control may be an unstable person, prone to fits of anger and unethical decisions. There’s more at stake to a lack of self-control than a forgotten New Year’s Resolution—it may mean the difference between a person who is successful in personal relationships and careers, and one who is not.
THE LINK BETWEEN SELF-CONTROL AND EMPATHY
Researchers have recently discovered that the same part of the brain that controls empathy also controls self-control. This section of the brain is called the right temporoparietal junction, or rTPJ.
In the study, Alexander Soutscheck temporarily altered the part of the brain long-associated with empathy using a magnetic field. He discovered that a person’s self-control was inhibited when this part of the brain was shut down.
Rebecca Saxe from MIT weighed in by saying, “For a long time, people have speculated that we use the same mechanisms to reason about other people as about our hypothetical selves. So this new study fits really well.”
In other words, a person’s self-control to avoid dessert in the present helps a hypothetical future self lose weight. The effects are not immediate, so a person’s use of self-control now benefits a future version of themselves.
In Soutscheck’s study, when he disrupted the rTPJ part of the brain, his test participants were less likely to behave altruistically. They were given a scenario where they could take a sum of money for themselves or share it with a partner. When the rTPJ part of the brain was disrupted, they were less likely to share. This confirmed the link between rTPJ and empathy.
But interestingly, the same participants were also more likely to take a small sum of money in the immediate as opposed to a larger amount in the future—linking rTPJ to self-control responses as well.
WHAT ARE THE SECRETS OF SELF-CONTROL?
If self-control is important, what do you do when it doesn’t come naturally? How can you develop this vital skill?
Here are three ways to begin a journey of self-control.
PRAY, MEDITATE, BE MINDFUL
Prayer and meditation are powerful ways to help you reset your thought processes.
Taking time to pray or meditate during the day is a good way of refocusing your mind and giving yourself a chance to calm down if something is irritating you. Instead of getting worked up about a problem, offer your concern to God in prayer, as Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Or consider using meditation by setting aside some time to close your eyes, breathe deeply and focus on what you can control and how you can move forward.
If you’re trying to stop a bad habit, these can be good options to curb your impulse to do it. You can replace those old habits with prayer or meditation.
GET ENOUGH SLEEP
It’s not always easy to catch the z’s that you need, but a lack of sleep has been linked to self-control issues.
In a Harvard Business Review article, author Christopher Barnes discussed the link between a lack of sleep and poor choices.
Building on previous research that showed a lack of sleep may lead to lower self-control, Barnes and his colleagues conducted a study of their own. Their results showed overwhelmingly that those suffering from sleep deprivation exhibited high levels of unethical behavior.
Many adults are living on less sleep than they probably should be getting—some living on less than six hours a night. Unfortunately, this sleep deprivation may lead to making poor choices. If you’re suffering from a lack of sleep, try to rearrange your schedule to make sure you’re getting enough snooze time.
CREATE A RITUAL
It may seem unlikely, but participating in a simple ritual may give you the ability to avoid unhealthy impulses.
Scientific American conducted a study that gave participants a simple (and random) ritual to perform to help them achieve weight loss. They chose females from a university gym who were already striving toward weight loss.
Half of the participants were told to be mindful about their food habits. The other half was told to do a three-step ritual before consuming their food which involved cutting their food into pieces before they ate it, rearranging the food so it was symmetrical on their plate and pressing their eating utensil on their food three times before eating.
The study showed that the women who performed the ritual ate fewer calories and also ate less sugar and fats.
HOW TO TEACH CHILDREN THE ART OF SELF-CONTROL
If you have or work with children, you may be wondering how to teach them self-control. Learning self-control at a young age is a great way of setting them up for success in the future.
Self-control, or self-regulation as it is sometimes referred to, is a skill that can be taught. While some people are born with more natural ability, most often it is a skill that individuals can help develop.
One way of doing this is to help children replace negative responses with positive ones. Dr. Matthew Rouse, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, explains that to teach children to self-regulate, you should not avoid situations that may be difficult. Instead, you should coach your children through difficult times.
When you coach kids through a frustrating moment, you’re providing a framework that clinicians call “scaffolding,” or showing the child the behavior that you want the child to have. Once that child understands the concepts they can begin to overcome challenges on their own.
One way to work through this process is by doing practice runs. For example, suppose a child throws tantrums when going to the store. Child Mind Institute suggests taking a short trip to the store and helping your child practice things like staying with you or keeping their hands to themselves. You could use a reward system for every time the child behaves.
Even with a short trip, the child may still act out or misbehave. This can be discouraging. However, Dr. Rouse explains that consistency is what’s important. If necessary, make the trip very short and as simple as possible. As the child begins to get better at the activity, they can be given more independence.
SELF-CONTROL IN THE FUTURE
Self-control is linked to many good things including success and the ability to achieve goals. However, it’s important to keep in mind that one mistake in self-control shouldn’t mean that a person should give up. No one is capable of perfectly controlling their impulses or decision making at all times.
This is even more apparent in habits or responses that have become hard-wired into a person. Channeling anger into positive energy or resisting unhealthy habits is not an easy task. Consider it a victory each time you are able to use self-restraint in a situation that you would ordinarily respond in a negative way.
If you make a mistake, see it as an opportunity to learn rather than a reason to quit trying. Self-control is a lifelong journey to continue to work on.
Read more of Anna’s work at https://www.mastersincommunications.org/importance-good-etiquette/
Dear Roger,
I hate Easter and Christmas! There are only so many creative ways I can think of to preach on the nativity and resurrection! Help! I want to be a successful pastor, but being creative week after week is tough. Any suggestions?
A Tired, Frustrated Preacher
Dear Pastor,
I know the feeling. Preachers must be ready for every occasion—never is this more true than in our sermons. From holidays to fundraisers, from winter highs to summer doldrums and for all else in between, we rise to the task of preaching clear-cut and relevant sermons. I stretch myself by refusing to use the same sermon style every week. Varying styles add fresh air to the week-end worship experience. I enjoy finding just the right way to help people move forward in their spiritual journeys.
Of course, we all will develop a primary style. The pastor of the First Methodist Church in downtown Dallas once declared, “No sermon ought to be longer than twenty minutes.” The pastor of the First Baptist Church in Dallas, W.A. Criswell, responded publicly, “If all you do is preach sermonettes for Christianettes then twenty minutes is too long. But, if what you are doing is expounding the Word of God, then twenty minutes does not suffice for the introduction.
Both men had their own ideas about the nature of preaching. Both had developed their primary sermon styles. Both may well have been right for their own personalities and church settings, I tend to agree with Chriswell. Nevertheless, on one occasion I preached a one-sentence sermon. I don’t think anyone became a Christian that Sunday—but no one who was in attendance will ever forget it.
In today’s world sermons come in all shapes and sizes. Topical sermons usually stand alone and deal weekly with one subject at a time. Textual sermons proclaim the truths and applications of one particular text or passage. Expository sermons work through a Bible passage teaching its truths usually word by word, verse by verse, or paragraph by paragraph. Narrative sermons tell a story from start to finish (The Narrative style seems to be Jesus’ favorite way of communicating truth. Interactive sermons intentionally involve the congregation in the sermon. For example, these sermons may invite the congregation to get in groups of three and actually “do” a Bible verse instead of just hearing about it. Let your people experience Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice.” Then allow them time to spend “mourning with those who mourn.” Your people will not want stop when you try to transition them into a benediction. There are one-point sermons and three-point sermons and doctrinal sermons and on and one goes the list.nMy sermon style was solidified by Charles Swindoll’s topical expositions and practical applications. John MacArthur provided the foundation for solid expository foundations.
I have a sermon tool box full of differing styles. I have preached topical, textual, expository, narrative and interactive sermons. Currently, I am working on a new textual-narrative style designed with well crafted emotional hook that reaches deep into their souls in such a way that life-change occurs right in the sermon. I am having fun—and hopefully my developing sermon styles are more relevant than ever.
Curtis burst into my office, pushing past my administrative assistant, leaving in his wake papers fluttering from her desk. “I can’t take this anymore! I’m done!”
I continued looking at the papers on my desk as he paced the floor in front of me. Finishing the paragraph I had been reading, I looked up at Curtis and said, “Hello, Curtis. It’s good to see you.”
“I can’t take this anymore! He’s driving me crazy!” Chest heaving, still pacing, eyes darting from one side of the room to the other, Curtis seemed to be having a conversation with himself more than me.
I finally came around the desk and asked Curtis to sit on the brown futon across from me. He paced a minute more then forced his body onto the couch. “Now,” I said softly, “tell me what’s going on.”
I learned a lot about Curtis that day—about his acrimonious relationship with his father, about his desire for a new life, about his ambitions as an artist, and about the workings of his inner life. At this point in his 19-year-old life, Curtis lacked that one ingredient essential to biblical manhood: self-control.
Self-control (or its absence) lies at the root of so many other things we recognize as problems in the thoughts, feelings, and decisions of men. For example, the inability to say no before intoxication indicates an ungoverned inner life (Eph. 5:18). Immodest clothing stems from a lack of self-restraint (1 Tim. 2:9; it applies to men too!). So does sexual immorality (1 Cor. 7:9). When pornography ravages a man’s inner life, it is in part because he has not yet learned to harness and master his desires. “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Prov. 25:28).
Perhaps this is why self-control emerges in so many places where the Bible gives us glimpses into the lives of men. Consider the examples from the book of Titus. Paul writes to Titus, in part, because he wants to see things put into order in the churches in Crete. That means the appointment of elders in every town, elders who among other things are self-controlled (Titus 1:8). This quality stands in contrast to being “arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain” (1:7)—all things that describe men whose inner lives are wrecked by sin.
If elders in the church must possess this quality, they must do so in order to model the same for the members of the church. Titus must “teach what accords with sound doctrine” to the various demographic groups of the church (Titus 2:1). So, “older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness” (2:2). Though several virtues are listed for older men, when Paul mentions what younger men must learn he lists only one thing: “Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled” (2:6). Young men eventually must grow to embody many more things, but at bottom they must first learn to master their thoughts, feelings, speech, and action. They must harness their hearts if they ever hope to blossom into older men with gravity.
Titus 2:11–14 teaches that the same grace that saves us also results in the self-control so essential to one’s inner life:
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
Between the first appearing and the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, we are being trained by grace. Specifically, in his undeserved kindness God trains us to “renounce ungodliness and worldly passions,” which are the antithesis of self-control, and instead to “live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives” (2:12). Self-control follows freely from saving grace and faith in Christ Jesus (Acts 24:24–25). Part of what we receive when we receive Christ in the gospel is the kind pruning and molding of our hearts so that we live in a manner pleasing to God “in the present age” of darkness and evil (Titus 2:12).
If we are Christ’s, we will learn self-control because our Father will graciously teach it to us. We should never think our inner lives are beyond the reach of God, or that self-mastery involves only the self. No, God reaches into the deepest center of our lives, turning us on the inside from rampaging worldly desires that overrun us to a greater hope—the appearing of Christ—that calms and orders us. We have omnipotent help in learning self-control.
Paul reminds us of God’s presence in our sanctification and inner lives with these famous words from Galatians 5:
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. (vv. 19–24)
Once again Scripture makes a graphic contrast between the unrestrained inner life that results in all manner of disorderly and wayward sin (5:19–21) and the life that God produces in his people. The Spirit of God, who lives in those who trust Christ, produces certain internal and external fruit, including self-control (5:22–23).
Indeed, the ordering of the Christian man’s inner life and the production of self-control must necessarily result from belonging to Christ. Galatians 5:24 tells us that “those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” When Christ calls us to himself in saving faith, taking ownership of us as Lord so that we “belong to Christ Jesus,” we simultaneously perform a crucifixion. At our conversion—notice the past tense verb, “have crucified”—we execute our flesh or sin nature. Relying on God’s grace, we mortify those passions, desires, wants, lusts, and interests that held captive our thoughts, feelings, and will, and God’s grace and Spirit begin to train and produce in us the self-control so necessary to mature manhood.
As men, we can fight the symptoms of a disquieted inner life—anger, lust, insecurity, anxiety, and the like. Such fights are necessary. Or we can wage war against the bunker out of which these enemies come: lack of self-control.
In this battle at the bunker, we have certain promises from our Captain. “Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable” (1 Cor. 9:25). Indeed, “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Tim. 1:7).
Editors’ note: This is an excerpt from the ESV Men’s Devotional Bible (Crossway, 2015).
Dear Roger,
I am a glutton. I know I am because I weigh too much. My BMI is just inside of obese. I’ve tried Weight Watchers and Slim fast and support groups. I’ve counted calories. Three times in my life I have crashed dieted and lost over 50 pounds.
Unfortunately, within three months I gained it all back. I even took part in a research project studying the most effective ways to lose weight. I’m obese and losing the battle-instead of losing the fat.
Any biblical help would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely, Tubby (I mean Roger)
Dear Overeater,
Note to self: I have never taken an accidental bite of my food in my life. Unfortunately, Tubby, I’ve taken too many bites. I, too, have too much fat.
Nevertheless, I feel somewhat qualified to answer your question–especially because I know that I can share with you what the Bible says about how to get victory over gluttony.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more food than we require.
Gluttony is an acceptable sin in the church today. That’s not how God sees the sin of gluttony in our midst.. I imagine that God might say to the church, “I really don’t like all that fat slopping around the Kingdom..”
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 is addressed to the church: “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 is addressed to individuals: “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
WHY OVEREATERS EAT TOO MUCH
1. Overeaters May Eat Too Much Because Food Is Everywhere.
C. S. Lewis sets the scene in “Mere Christianity”: The theater lights dim, the band begins to play softly and sensuously as a man enters from stage left carrying a silver tray which is covered by a white cloth. He walks to the middle of the stage and begins dancing lewdly before setting the tray with the white cloth on a table. He whirls his hands over his head and then moves slowly and deliberately as he slides the cover off the silver tray. In the middle of the tray is a pork chop.
“Would not you think that something has gone wrong in that culture about food?” He asked.
Of course, his seventy-year-old vision has come true in America today. From the Food Channel to “Chopped,” we are strangely twisted and out of control with our love for food.
2. Overeaters May Eat Too Much Because Comfort Food Works So Well.
When we’re miserable it’s so easy to over eat carbohydrates— especially sugar. Within forty-five minutes those chemicals are transforming into serotonin which is the “feel good” neurotransmitter in the brain. When we are really stressed our brains may scream at us to eat carbohydrates. It’s hard to say “no” when our brains are screaming “yes”.
I testify that comfort food really does work. I can eat a half-gallon of ice cream in less than an hour when I need to.
3. Overeaters May Eat Too Much Because Our Genetic Makeup Can Program Us To Overeat.
Geneticists have discovered at least forty genes that help control and oversee our eating. It’s possible that overeating turns on some genes that make us hungry that would not have” turned on” if we had not started overeating.
Our ancestors pass along genes and chromosomal material that may influence our weight. Notice how Eskimos are so fat. They need insulation from the cold.
Some people have faulty hormonal problems (like thyroid issues) that take weight control completely out of their hands. It’s hard to say that overeating would be their fault. However we acknowledge that if no food is available anywhere, no matter what the chemistry, people will not get fat.
4. Overeaters May Eat Too Much Because Poor Nutritional Habits Developed During Childhood And Bad Modeling By Significant Others Can Doom Us To A Lifetime Of Overeating.
Personally, I was big for my age— not fat, just big. Unfortunately, I remember that in fourth grade I picked up the nickname, “Fats”. Sadly, I took it to heart. I remember eating triple-decker peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to impress the guys in the class. What a shame.
Looking back, I see how my mother tried to control everything we ate, and when we ate it. I can’t blame my mother for my adult overeating, but I do think that in some ways I was set up during my childhood to overeat.
5. Overeaters Eat Too Much Because They Are Sinners.
Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. Gluttony is a sin of the flesh.
6. Overeaters May Eat Too Much Because They Are Under A Satanic Attack.
In Ephesians Chapter Four Paul mentions that it’s possible for us to commit a sin so often that we open the door for Satan to have a demonic “foothold” in our lives. Victory here would necessitate winning a spiritual battle.
Remember that the Bible teaches that every area of our lives not under the direct influence of the Holy Spirit is open to control by demonic spirit.
7. Overeaters May Eat Too Much Because Are Addicted To Food.
Eataholics must be beware of falling off the wagon just like an alcoholic. A support group with weekly meetings is essential.
They need extra help and support to get well.
HOW TO WIN THE BATTLE WITH FOOD
1. Treat Gluttony As The Sin That It Is.
Confess that you are guilty of gluttony and that you know it is wrong.
Repent by “turning over a new leaf” and commit to a new life without gluttony.
Ask for and receive God’s forgiveness: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Read Romans 6:1-12 and recognize that you are dead to sin and that you don’t have to sin if you don’t want to.
2. Be On Guard Against A Satanic Attack Which May Be The Result Of Perpetually Succumbing To Gluttony (Ephesians Four).
If Romans Six doesn’t bring victory and you feel that your gluttony has become a spiritual foothold satanic attack, use James 4:7 as your guideline for freedom: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7).
3. Go Ahead And Be Afraid Of Fat.
Extra fat in our bodies is a quiet killer. At can cause cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes and cardio-vascular disease. Recognizing that it’s slowly destroying us can scare us into keeping our mouths shut more often.
4. The Only Foolproof Way To Lose Weight Is To Stop Eating So Much.
We are bombarded with advertisements for quick weight-loss diets. Let’s be honest, they don’t work. Those who lose weight with a quick-loss diet will soon begin regaining what they lost. They have not changed their eating habits enough to maintain their goal weight over time.
Faithful adherence to “Weight Watchers” principles of wise eating over a long period of time has brought success to many.
Personally, I’ve tried everything ranging from counting calories to support groups to research projects to quick loss diets to Weight Watchers.
Nothing worked for me until (1) I started treating my gluttony as sin and (2) I began recognizing that I could choose to eat smaller portions if I wanted to.
Remember. The only way to permanently lose weight is to treat gluttony as a sin and stop eating so much.
“The ability to say ‘no’ to anything in excess—self-control—is one of the fruits of the Spirit common to all believers” (Galatians 5:22).
Well, Tubby, I hope that I given you some long-term-helpful advice. Here are several more versus that you might enjoy applying in your life.
Proverbs 23:20-21: “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.”
Proverbs 23:2: “And” put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.”
Proverbs 25:16: “If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it.”
1 Corinthians 10:31: “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
Romans 12:1: “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
Love, Roger
Signs and symptoms of bulimia (bulimia nervosa) center on the preoccupation with weight and body shape.
Guilt and shame are core symptoms of bulimia. Someone who is bulimic, like a person suffering from anorexia and other eating disorders, judges him- or herself harshly for any perceived flaw.
The psalmist writes in Psalm 139:13-16:
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.” NIV
Any person struggling with self-image issues can benefit by reading these verses from God’s Word every day.
https://piti.wpengine.com/articles/detail/who-am-i-in-christ-what-the-bible-says/
While most people are occasionally self-critical without suffering major consequences, men and women with bulimia nervosa develop serious mental and emotional distortions. A person with bulimia symptoms may feel trapped in an addictive relationship with food. It’s common for sufferers to feel as if they are living in a world of secrecy and shame, where every thought or action centers around food.
One moment, eating may seem like the only solution to deal with difficult feelings.
Moments later, food can seem like the source of all problems in life.
Unlike anorexics, who often must work diligently to hide signs of self-starvation, many people with bulimia nervosa are of normal weight or even slightly overweight. As a result, their disordered eating symptoms or obsessive bingeing and dieting behaviors may be minimized or considered normal by those around them.
Worse, stereotypes about dieting and weight can even lead some medical and mental health professionals to overlook or mischaracterize important physical, emotional, social and spiritual signs and symptoms of bulimia nervosa.
Despite a bulimic’s efforts to conceal the symptoms of an eating disorder, certain warning signs of bulimia are typically visible:
· Depression
· Anxiety
· Social isolation
· Having a distorted, excessively negative body image
· Preoccupation body shape and weight
A person suffering from bulimia engages in episodes of bingeing and purging (often referred to as binge-purge cycles).
During binges, he or she will eat a large amount of food, most often in private. He may raid the cupboards when home alone, for instance, eating several hundred dollars worth of groceries. Or she may visit several fast-food restaurants during one bingeing episode, secretly eating in her car between stops. Bulimia may compel a person to eat an entire birthday cake at once, rather than just a slice or two.
· Eating much more food in a binge episode than in a normal meal or snack
· Feeling that eating can’t be controlled once a binge begins
· Hiding or hoarding food
· Making excuses for missing food, or money taken to pay for binge foods
· Eating until the point of physical discomfort or pain
After a binge ends, feelings of self-disgust and shame follow. They are accompanied by the compulsion to engage in some method of purging to rid the body of the extra calories by vomiting, abusing laxatives or diuretics, periods of starving, or excessively exercising. As bulimia worsens, some sufferers feel a need to purge after eating only a small snack or a normal-size meal.
Many signs of bulimia relate to self-induced vomiting, which is the most prevalent form of purging. They include:
· Habitually going to the bathroom immediately after eating or during meals
· Damaged teeth and gums
· Swollen salivary glands in the cheeks (chipmunk cheeks)
· Persistent sores in the throat and mouth
· Sores, scars or calluses on the knuckles or hands caused by self-induced vomiting
· Scratchy or raspy voice quality
· Misuse of ipecac syrup to induce vomiting
Persons with bulimia may also purge by misusing laxatives, diuretics, or enemas. A common sign of this is empty boxes hidden or in a person’s trash. Other bulimics purge by exercising for hours on end. They often make excuses to cover up their behavior or explain increasingly longer absences from work, school or family and friends. Some eating disorder treatment experts consider this to be a discrete form of bulimia nervosa, which they refer to as exercise bulimia or exercise addiction.
In a man or woman with signs of bulimia, symptoms of increasing physical damage from the disease may include:
· Abnormal bowel functioning
· Bloating
· Dehydration
· Fainting
· Seizure
· Fatigue
· Dry skin
· Irregular heartbeat
· Menstrual irregularities or loss of menstruation (amenorrhea)
· Tingling in the hands or feet
· Muscle cramps
A psychiatrist or other eating disorder treatment provider will look for the following combination of bulimia symptoms to confirm the diagnosis:
· Obsession with body image, weight, and/or dieting
· Repeated binge eating episodes over a specified period of time
· Loss of control during episodes of bingeing
· Purging behaviors follow a binge to attempt to compensate for extra calories consumed
Bulimia complications are potentially life-threatening, and the disease requires medical attention from an experienced eating disorder treatment professional. Bulimia treatment centers often see women facing severe effects from advanced bulimia nervosa. These may include:
· Extreme social isolation
· Inability to sleep
· Fractured relationships with family and friends
· Loss of spiritual connection to one’s faith, religion, or higher power
· Forced withdrawal from school or college
· Job loss
· Bankruptcy, often resulting from excessive spending on binge foods
· Infertility
· Internal bleeding
· Drug and alcohol addiction, especially if these substances are used to self-medicate for uncontrolled emotions or deal with physical complications
· Suicide
· Self-injury behavior
· Heart attack
· Death
Bulimia nervosa centers on self-image, not just food or weight. Because of the complex feelings a woman develops about her relationship with food, bulimia can be one of the most difficult eating disorders to overcome. The health effects of bulimia are serious. Many people die every year from complications of bulimia.
Before beginning treatment, healthcare professionals must distinguish between the two types of bulimia nervosa. Bulimia is categorized in two ways:
· Purging-type bulimia involves self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics or enemas to rid the body of food eaten during binges before it is digested or metabolized.
· Non-purging bulimics will make use of other methods to prevent weight gain, such as fasting or over-exercising, which is sometimes called exercise bulimia.
As with anorexia and other eating disorders, the causes of bulimia nervosa are impossible to determine in any individual case.
Some women may be genetically predisposed to developing bulimia. Young women with a biological sister or mother with an eating disorder are at higher risk, for example, suggesting a possible genetic link. There is some evidence that serotonin, a naturally occurring brain chemical, may influence eating behaviors because of its connection to the regulation of food intake.
People with symptoms of bulimia may have other psychological and emotional characteristics that contribute to the onset and progression of the disease. They may have low self-worth, for instance, or struggle with perfectionism. They may have trouble controlling impulsive behaviors, managing moods or expressing anger. The families of people with bulimia may tend to have more conflicts, higher rates of alcoholism, along with more criticism and unpredictability. There may be a history of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse at the center of feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing.
In addition, popular culture cultivates and reinforces a desire for thinness that may contribute to bulimia in both men and women. Success and worth are often equated with being thin, especially for women. Pressure from a peer group at school, work, or social circles can also fuel this desire to be thin, particularly among young girls and teens. For other people, bulimia symptoms may begin later in life, particularly during times of transition, if they experience trauma or stress that overwhelms their ability to cope.
Additionally, bulimia nervosa is also frequently accompanied by other co-occurring disorders or addictions. This may make it challenging for a woman or man to achieve emotional recovery and develop a healthy relationship with food and body. Bulimia nervosa takes a toll on a person’s life very quickly, and so it’s common for sufferers to develop alcoholism or drug addiction, or begin to abuse prescription drugs, in an attempt to cope with their symptoms. Co-occurring mood disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD, self-injury and personality disorders are also frequently recognized in people with symptoms of bulimia.
Bulimia nervosa is a very serious eating disorder, particularly if it is accompanied by co-occurring disorders. Like other eating disorders, bulimia is a medical disease that can result in irreversible complications, including death. Learn more about why Timberline Knolls is respected nationwide as a bulimia treatment center for women and adolescent girls.
Here’s a helpful beginning to start the healing process:
https://piti.wpengine.com/articles/detail/freedom-from-addiction-and-eating-disorders/.
Dear Roger,
Is drinking alcohol a sin?
Sincerely, B
Dear B
I want to give you two perspectives. I want to spend a significant amount of time on scriptural insights that you can study carefully to make your decisions, but I also want to tell you my story. What happened in my family was also God’s way of giving me guidance concerning how I should handle my own personal decision about drinking, social or otherwise. You will find the same. Study the scriptures carefully and thoroughly. Seek God and let Him speak to your conscience. Listen to godly counselors. And learn from life lessons. I certainly learned from mine.
HERE’S A 10-QUESTION TEST TO IDENTIFY IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS AN ALCOHOLIC.
1. How often do you have a drink containing alcohol? (0) Never [Skip to Qs 9-10] (1) Monthly or less (2) 2 to 4 times a month (3) 2 to 3 times a week (4) 4 or more times a week
2. How many drinks containing alcohol do you have on a typical day when you are drinking? (0) 1 or 2 (1) 3 or 4 (2) 5 or 6 (3) 7, 8, or 9 (4) 10 or more
3. How often do you have six or more drinks on one occasion? (0) Never (1) Less than monthly (2) Monthly (3) Weekly (4) Daily or almost daily
4.How often during the last year have you found that you were not able to stop drinking once you had started? (0) Never (1) Less than monthly (2) Monthly (3) Weekly (4) Daily or almost daily
5. How often during the last year have you failed to do what was normally expected from you because of drinking? (0) Never (1) Less than monthly (2) Monthly (3) Weekly (4) Daily or almost daily
6. How often during the last year have you needed a first drink in the morning to get yourself going after a heavy drinking session? (0) Never (1) Less than monthly (2) Monthly (3) Weekly (4) Daily or almost daily
7. How often during the last year have you had a feeling of guilt or remorse after drinking? (0) Never (1) Less than monthly (2) Monthly (3) Weekly (4) Daily or almost daily
8. How often during the last year have you been unable to remember what happened the night before because you had been drinking? (0) Never (1) Less than monthly (2) Monthly (3) Weekly (4) Daily or almost daily
9. Have you or someone else been injured as a result of your drinking? (0) No (2) Yes, but not in the last year (4) Yes, during the last year
10. Has a relative or friend or a doctor or another health worker been concerned about your drinking or suggested you cut down? (0) No (2) Yes, but not in the last year (4) Yes, during the last year.
I never met my maternal grandfather. Mom told us many stories about how she and her sisters hid under the bed when dad came home. They stayed hidden until they were sure he was not again home and drunk. They could usually tell by whether or not he was yelling at my grandmother, Nana. He had a great job at Woolworth’s Department Store during the Great Depression of the 1930s and mom’s family lived well. But, he began social drinking with his customers and couldn’t leave the hard stuff alone. The income stream trickled to a halt when he was fired—no longer able to hide or overcome his alcoholism. He committed suicide when I was two. Maybe I did meet him. Maybe he held me in his arms when I was a baby. I’ll never know. My mom never talked about him. I’ve never seen a picture of him. I think mom threw them all away. Mom fought fear and insecurity all of her life. She never forgot those terrifying nights under the bed.
My mom’s younger sister spent so much time in bars that my mom and dad took away her daughter and raised her as part of our family. This poor sister seldom had money for a baby sitter so my young cousin often accompanied her. She remembers as a child sitting on a bar stool while mom drank. I’ll never forget the look on thirteen-year-old D’s face as she came to live in a household of boys, struggling through her toughest teenage years away from her mom.
My mom’s other sister and her husband were driving home from a party when my uncle made a left turn in front of a drunk driver. We got the news of the fiery car crash and raced to the hospital. Of course, this probably would not have happened if my uncle had not imbibed too much himself. My uncle was killed instantly. They told us that my favorite aunt lingered for a while—but not long. The funeral had double-closed caskets. Once again, my mom stared into the emptiness of her family that was lost. Her sister was her closest friend. Nineteen-year-old Mindy, my aunt’s youngest daughter, then came to live with us. Bill and Betty’s oldest son, was never the same. He too felt the scars of their untimely deaths.
Now, concerning your original question. Is alcohol a sin?
It depends. In fact, drinking may be a sin for some people while not being a sin for others. Let me explain.
A quick overview of relevant passages demonstrates that drinking alcohol is certainly not a sin. For example, Jesus made wine at a wedding feast when the host’s supply ran dry. In fact, the guests commented that Jesus’ brew was the best wine of the evening (John 2:1-11).
Paul encouraged Timothy to take a “little wine” when he had stomach trouble: “Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses” (1 Timothy 5:23).
In Genesis 14:18-19 Melchizedek used wine and bread as an offering to God when he blessed Abraham: “Then Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine. He was priest of God Most High, and he blessed Abram, saying, …” Of course, it is easy to see the foreshadowing here of the institution of the Lord’s Supper (communion) by Christ the night before He was crucified.
As we delve a little deeper into the issues, we find that while drinking alcohol in itself is not a sin, drunkenness certainly is.
In Ephesians 5:18 Paul contrasted the delights of life in the Spirit with the misery of an overdose of alcoholic spirits: “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.”
Genesis 9:20-21 described the beginning of long-term curses upon Noah’s descendants which originated the morning after Noah got drunk: “Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent.”
In Titus 2:3-4 Paul admonished older women to be careful of becoming addicted to alcohol: “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.”
How do you know if you have an addictive personality? Listen to my podcast with Dr. Steve Dowdle entitled Anatomy of Addiction.
Now, let’s delve even deeper. Besides drunkenness, drinking alcohol can also be a sin in three other circumstances.
First, if your conscience is trained to believe that drinking is a sin, then, it is a sin for you to drink. This is because the conscience is the “interface” between our inner-most-human-spirits and our minds. It is through this interface that God speaks to us—Holy Spirit to human spirit. We are never to violate our conscience because violated conscience impairs our ability to hear God speak.
The Biblical foundation for what I just said is found in Romans 14:1-23—especially verse 23: “But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith ; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.”
The second circumstance comes into play in social settings. Paul identified a Christian with a “strong” conscience as one whose conscience does not condemn him or her for drinking. On the other hand, Paul defined a person with a “weak” conscience as one whose conscience condemns him or her for drinking—even though drinking is not a Biblical sin. If a Christian with a “weak” conscience is nearby, then, those whose consciences are “stronger”—limit their freedom in order not to offend the one with the “weaker” conscience. Drinking in front of those who believe that drinking is a sin may impair or cause them to stumble in their spiritual journeys. Therefore, those with “strong” faith are responsible for limiting their freedom so as not to offend, or as Paul put it, not to put a stumbling block in the way of those with “weaker” faith.
It is at this point that the third circumstance comes into play. Failure for the “strong” to limit their freedom would be to sin against those who are “weaker.”
While the “strong” limit their freedom, the “weak” are responsible for realigning their consciences with Biblical truth so they are not longer weak in this particular area.
By the way, these concepts are applicable in many areas of life than just drinking.
By the way again, those who are strong in one area may certainly be weak in others—and vice versa.
By the way again, and again, being a “strong” Christian does not mean that you have to drink or feel odd or even guilty for choosing not to drink. Here is where personal convictions come into play. I have a personal conviction not to drink. The reason is quite simple. As I mentioned earlier, numbers of my family members and relatives are no longer alive because of what can be the devastating effects of alcohol.
Please Read: Dead Drunk: Signs and Symptoms of Alcohol Addiction.
Personally, I have no Biblical qualms with any Christian who drinks not to excess. But, understand why I need to be judicious in my own spiritual walk concerning alcohol or any substance abuse.
I hope these thoughts are helpful. Thanks for the question. May God bless you.
Love, Roger
One final thought: If you are riding with a friend or family member who drives after drinking, buy a breathalyzer before you let them get behind a wheel. Here’s a good one:
BACtrackS80 Professional Breathalyzer, found on Amazon. Keep it in your glove compartment.
Dear Roger,
My husband and I are planning to buy a house. Are there biblical guidelines for house buying? If so, could you please share them with us?
We would also appreciate any advice you could give.
Sincerely, Kimberly and Don.
Dear Kimberly and Don,
When I began studying the subject of the Bible and houses I was surprised to see that the Bible has a lot to say about the subject.
I attended my first biblical finances seminar when I was twenty-years old. Forty-five years later Julie and I are still living by those financial principles. I long ago forgot the name of the man who set forth for us these principles; but, Julie and I owe him a tremendous debt. He changed our lives for the better, forever. I hope that these guidelines are helpful for you, too.
Let me give you an example.
By following good biblical economics God has kept his financial promises to us and we have never lacked for anything.
Our first daughter, Jesse, was born to die. Her chromosome confusion doomed her to an early grave. Forty days in the neonatal section of the hospital plus all the attending doctors, tests and medicines produced an astronomical financial bill. Fortunately, we had medical insurance which paid for everything except for $11,000. We didn’t have $11,000. We didn’t have anything. It was my first year pastoring in Tucson and finances were tight.
In fact, the church agreed to pay me a salary of $1,000 per month. However, when we arrived the head deacon told me that they had changed their minds and could only afford $900 per month. I got a $100 cut in salary before I ever preached my first sermon.)
The night Jessie was born, our obstetrician, out of the goodness of his heart, cut his bill in half.
The church took up an offering and other friends and neighbors donated to help us reduce the debt. Then, Merle invited me to lunch at the local Village Inn Restaurant. After we were seated he asked me how much more money we needed to completely pay off the debt. Frankly, I was embarrassed by his request. But he insisted. Finally I said, “We are still $1800 short.”
He reached in his coat pocket, pulled out his checkbook and wrote a check to me for $1800. I protested; I felt very uncomfortable taking his money; but, he kept on insisting. Finally, with great gratitude of heart and many “thank yous,” I reached out and took the check. Then, he held open his checkbook and put it right to my face while saying, “If you have any more bills come in, they are mine.”
I knew then, and still believe, that because Julie and I were following God’s financial plan, He met our needs to the very dollar.
Several very practical ministries have grown up around the idea of how to handle our money in a Christian way. One of the best resources is Larry Burkett’s “Crown Ministries”. Check out some of the terrific Internet resources on how to handle God’s money effectively.
Let me share with you some things to keep in mind from a biblical perspective when you are thinking about purchasing a house.
1. BIBLICAL ECONOMICS BEGINS WITH GOD’S PROMISE THAT IF WE GIVE HIM THE TOP PORTION OF OUR INCOME, HE WILL MEET OUR FINANCIAL NEEDS.
The first portion of our income is called the “tithe” (10%) which is validated by Jesus in Luke 11:42.
I’m convinced that the reason many Christians struggle in financial bondage is because they refuse to follow this first step in a godly financial plan.
“Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.
“But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’
“In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house,” says the Lord Almighty, “trust me in this and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it” (Malachi 3:8-10).
This is the only verse in the Bible where God invites us to trust Him. This is really important.
2. REFUSE TO BE SEDUCED BY MATERIALISM AND STATUS SYMBOLS.
Psalm 49 is the Psalm of the rich materialist. God is warning us that if we’re overawed by someone else’s house, envious of it, or attracted to it, we are in danger of falling into the trap of materialism.
The most universal, time-tested, status symbol in human history is the house. The house is not the only status symbol in society. Cars, clothes, jewelry, club memberships, and suntans would be a partial list of others.
It’s no surprise that when God wants to teach us the danger of seeking after status symbols in Psalm 49, He would use the house as an illustration.
God never teaches that a big house is proof that the occupants are materialists. After all, there are many very rich and righteous people in the Bible – like Abraham and Joseph.
The result of materialism and status seeking is often misery and despair (Ecclesiastes 2:4-11). This is especially true when we buy more house than we can afford.
“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs” (1 Timothy 6: 6-10).
3. HOUSES AREN’T THE PRIORITY THAT WE THINK THEY ARE.
Paul defined contentment in 1 Timothy 6:8: “If we have food and clothes we will be content with that.” There is no mention of houses.
There are entire cultures in our world where practically no one owns a house. In many countries four or five families live in a house smaller than one American house. I’ve seen it.
4. BEGIN YOUR FINANCIAL PLANNING ON THE BASIS OF YOUR FINANCIAL RESOURCES, NOT YOUR DESIRES.
Don’t ask: “What do I want? What does the world say that I should have? What does my peer group say that I should have? What is fashionable?”
Instead, ask questions: “What resources do we have? What can I do with the resources that I have? What buying power do I have? What earning power do I have? How does God want me to use it?”
“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with
what you have, because God has said,
“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
“Keep your lives free from the love of money…” These are our desires. Stop thinking materialistically.
“And be content with what you have…” These are our resources.
“Because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you’.”
God says, “I will give to you the right amount of resources; you will use these according to my will. It is that simple. You be content with what I have given to you.”
When we take this approach we allocate our resources rather than attempt to pay for our desires. If we go through life attempting to pay for our desires, we will ultimately crash and burn.
5. HOW MUCH MONEY CAN I SPEND ON A HOUSE?
“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house” (Proverbs 24:27).
The context here is a farming society; however, this principle is just as applicable to our society today as it was to theirs then.
Let me give to you a rule of thumb used by most financial planners to give you an idea of an approximate amount that you can afford to spend on your house.
The average realtor will examine your annual salary and say that you can safely spend 30 to 35% of your annual income on a mortgage for your house. In some cases it’s possible to go as high as 40%. But that’s pushing it.
The only problem is that your realtor has not factored in God. Getting our fields ready means that we take a closer look at how much we are really going to need.
Let me share with you some of the things to keep in mind from a biblical perspective when you are thinking about purchasing a house.
Oh, by the way, recognize that the realtor is really working for the seller and not for the buyer. This means that the more money that you spend to buy a house the more money the realtor will make. Don’t forget to check the tax rolls to get some sort of an idea of what your prospective house might really be worth.
Most Christian financial planners work with a term called “Net Spendable Income.”
Take your gross income per month and subtract three things from it. God’s part… the government’s part… savings… What is left we can define as our Net Spendable Income.
.
For simplicity’s sake, let’s illustrate and use 33%. Let’s say your gross income is $36,000 per year, or $3,000 per month.
God’s part =10% or $300. Leaving $2700.
Government’s part = 20% or $600 . Leaving $2100.
Savings = $300. Leaving $1800.
$1800 x 33% = $600 per month to spend on housing if you make $36,000 per year.
Let’s not forget that too many families struggle by with an income of $36,000 per year or less.
Now, let’s go to a higher figure and say that your gross income per year is $120,000, or $10,000 per month.
God’s part = 10% or $1,000. Leaving $9,000.
Government’s part = 30% or $3,000. Leaving $6,000.
Savings = 10% or $1,000. Leaving $5,000.
$5,000 x 33% = $1,650 per month to spend on housing if you make $120,000 per year.
Of course, we recognize that we may not have much of a house by following this rule. But by following this rule, we remain faithful to the principle of allocating resources rather than trying to pay for our desires. In this way, we have a financial plan that is designed by God for solid success.
If we go out and find the house we desire and then try to pay for it, we are going to fail. We have to allocate resources. Remember that 95% of divorcees say that finances were a major cause in their divorce.
Is it all right to have a mortgage? The Bible teaches that it is all right to borrow money on an appreciating asset. It is not all right to go into debt for depreciating items like cars and refrigerators. A house can be a great asset and a marvelous investment. But remember, houses can go up and down in value.
There are many scenarios in today’s economy where renting a house is a much wiser decision than buying a house.
And we are not throwing our money away by renting.
We are getting value received when we rent. We are getting a place to live and we get the total flexibility to walk out of it clean at any time without a mortgage hanging around our necks. We are free of the worry of maintenance, insurance, and taxes.
And, we have gotten rid of the risk that the property will go down in value.
Biblical economics helps us to reach healthy financial goals. One goal is to own our house debt-free before we retire.
When Julie and I first married we lived in a rented, one-bedroom, apartment with a grand piano in the living room. Julie taught over 50 piano students each week to help us survive financially.
From that inauspicious beginning, as we move into our retirement years, Julie and I now own our house debt-free. The feeling is great; the security is even greater. Paying off the house mortgage is a major step in good biblical economics.
6. PROVERBS 24:27 PROVIDES THE GUIDELINE WHICH PREPARES US TO BUY A HOUSE: “FINISH YOUR OUTDOOR WORK AND GET YOUR FIELDS READY; AFTER THAT, BUILD YOUR HOUSE.”
Let me show you what, “finishing our outdoor work and getting our fields ready,” involves. Only when the work is done and the fields are ready is it time to buy a house.
Number One: We Are Paying The Lord His Proper Share Of Our Income.
Number Two: We Are Paying The Government Taxes According To The Law.
Number Three: We Are Out Of Debt For All Depreciating Items.
Number Four: We Are Saving A Portion Of Our Income For The Future.
This includes an Emergency Fund that is set aside to cover our unpredictable (as well as predictable) future needs. Many economists say that our emergency fund should be somewhere between three to six times our monthly gross income.
Number Five: We Have A Positive Cash Flow.
A positive cash flow means that we are taking in every month more money than we are spending. Every month we pay all our bills and there is something left.
If we will follow these principles, then we will discover that we are Biblically allocating our resources rather than having to pay for our desires.
I am convinced that if we begin to commit ourselves to follow God’s Biblical principles we will be delighted to see that God just might start doing some things that we could never do with the resources that we have.
May God bless you, Kimberly and Don, with great wisdom as you make one of the biggest financial decisions of your lives. May God make His will so clear to you that you can’t miss it.
Sincerely, Ask Roger
Dear Roger,
Is it a sin for a Christian to purchase a lottery ticket?
Sincerely, T,
Dear T,
Once upon a time I played the lottery—just once, just one ticket. Our family was playing Yahtzee which is a lot like poker, only you play with dice instead of with cards. The goal is to roll more good poker hands than anyone else. Rolling five dice with the same number at the same time is called a “Yahtzee” and is worth fifty points.
The odds of rolling five dice with the same number at the same time are 3,125 to 1. In the first game I rolled a Yahtzee. We all cheered with delight.
In the second game I rolled another Yahtzee! 3,125 to 1 again!
We couldn’t believe it.
In the third game I rolled another Yahtzee. No one said a word. We were all dumbfounded. I grabbed my dad and said, “This is a sign from God. We have just enough time to get to the “7-11” and buy a lottery ticket before the lottery ends at 10:00 p.m.” As I recall, it was one of those power ball lotteries worth at least half a billion dollars!
I bought one ticket. One was all I needed. Dad and I raced home to watch the drawing on TV. By the second number I was out of the game.
My mother asked my dad if he’d bought any tickets and he pulled twenty losing tickets out of his pocket. She yelled at him for the next fifteen minutes for wasting twenty of their hard-earned dollars.
It is no wonder, T, that you’ve asked this question because gambling and buying lottery tickets are never expressly approved or condemned in the Scriptures.
We must be careful in deciding what to do with issues that aren’t expressly forbidden or approved in the Bible. Considering the issue of gambling and lottery tickets we must not turn our personal convictions into what we consider to be Biblical truths for ourselves and for everyone else (Romans 14:1-23; 1 Corinthians 8:1-12; 10:13-11:1).
Whether or not a buying a lottery ticket is a sin depends on our personal convictions. Personal convictions are the expressions of our inner conscience. If we think it’s a sin to buy a ticket and proceed to buy one, then we’ve committed a sin because we’ve violated our consciences. Violating our consciences is expressly forbidden in the Bible because a violated conscience impairs our ability to hear God speak. (Romans 10:23: “Whatever is not of faith is sin.”)
This is why the same behavior can be a sin for one person and not a sin for another. If you can buy a lottery ticket without breaking your conscience then buy the lottery ticket. You have not sinned. Understanding the relationship between sin and the conscience is the key to handling the “gray areas” of the Bible which are not expressly forbidden or approved—or not even mentioned.
By the way, always beware of Christians who try to make their personal convictions into biblical truth. They harm Christians.
My personal conviction is that I do not buy lottery tickets. I’ve thought this through and have a number of reasons for refusing to buy one. Buying a lottery ticket may be all right for you; but it is not right for me.
I don’t waste money on the lottery because of the Biblical teachings about stewardship and management (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Not a single dollar that comes into our hands is ours. It all belongs to God. We are to manage it well.
I perceive that the Lord Jesus is not particularly excited to watch us throw money away. We have such slim odds of winning that we might as well drive by the “7-11” and throw money out the car window.
Here are the odds of winning some recent lotteries:
The Pennsylvania Match 6: 1 in 4,661,272.3
The New Jersey Pick 6: 1 in 13,983,816
The Ohio Mega Millions: 1 in 175,711,536
You can purchase a ticket if you want to. After all, Paul wrote: “Everything is permissible—but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible—but not everything is constructive” (1 Corinthians 10:23).
God says that there are better things to do with our money than to throw it away. Excess money should be saved for future needs or given to the Lord’s work, not gambled away (1 Corinthians 4:2).
Several other Biblical principles come into play regarding my conviction not to play the lottery.
The Bible clearly states that the lottery is a “get rich” scheme and “get rich” schemes are to be avoided at all costs. Solomon wrote from experience: “A faithful man will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished” (Proverb 28:20). (See also Proverb 13:11; 23:5; and Ecclesiastes 5:10.). The principle is that if we spend the same amount of time planning and investing as we do trying to get rich quick we will come out way ahead in the future.
Get rich schemes often tempt us away from trusting God as the real source of our financial security. They can lead us to trust more in our money than in our God. They can mess with our minds regarding the real dangers of materialism (Matthew 6:24; 1 Timothy 6:10; and Hebrews 15:5).
People often ask, “Isn’t buying stocks like playing a long-term lottery?” No, investing in the stock market is not gambling. The difference is that in the stock market we actually own a portion of the companies that we invest in. We are buying something of value in the stock market.
Others ask, “Is it OK to play poker?”
Playing poker with friends is seldom a sin. Not enough money changes hands. We receive real value when we play poker with friends—the value of a good time and enhanced friendship. In one sense this can be the same as going to a movie with our friends. We buy a ticket and receive value in the form of enjoying the movie and in experiencing it together. We go to a good restaurant and pay money for an expensive meal. We receive value in the form of good food and a pleasant evening with our friends. By the way, I learned to play poker with our church staff gambling for matchsticks. We had a rollicking good time! I finally looked at my watch and it was 3:00 in the morning. Where did the evening go!
The danger here—whether it is the lottery, or the poker, or the casino is when someone gambles to the extent that they or their families can’t afford food, bills can’t be paid, children can’t be clothed, addictions begin, drinking to excess occurs, and on and on goes the list.
The danger here is if we begin to love money.
When we buy a ticket we become participants in the wicked and immoral ways that our governmental leaders use a lottery to steal from the poor people.
The state government says, “We need more money for education (or whatever) in our state. How can we pay for it (get the money)?” Instead of admitting that we can’t afford it, or that we have to make cuts in other programs because of new priorities, the government officials decide: “Let’s have a lottery that the poor and stupid can play. The rub is that people who have money or who are wise don’t buy lottery tickets. The percentage of tickets bought by the people who can least afford it is out the roof.
The Bible has nothing good to say about entities or people who rob the poor.
He who oppresses the poor to increase his wealth and he who gives gifts to the rich—both come to poverty (Proverb 22:16).
Do not exploit the poor because they are poor and do not crush the needy in court, for the LORD will take up their case and will plunder those who plunder them (Proverb 22:22-23).
People can go to Las Vegas and have fun. We have. The glitter is incredible. Excitement is all around. Good things for families to participate in abound. But there is more to Las Vegas than the “Strip”. The real city is two blocks away on the other side of the Strip. Here we find residential areas with real life people and schools and stores just like any other city.
The tragedy of Las Vegas is not the multitude of people who live and act in moderation while spending time in “Sin City—among other things. The tragedy is the poor people who will not win. After all there is a reason that the House always wins. All the games are rigged.
The sign at the First Baptist church loudly announces, “We have no money to give out.” I asked the pastor about it. He said, “We have three or four people every day come knocking at our door who’ve lost all their money and need help with meals, a place to stay, or a bus ticket home. We’ve helped all we can. We have nothing left. We must turn them away.
I am sorry for the church; but the church is not the problem. The gambling industry ensconced in Las Vegas is the problem. Their entire system from dark rooms with no clocks so people lose track of time to free food in buffet lines so people can eat and hurry back to gambling all entice the wasting of more and more money. The casino is designed to oppress the poor and to separate the foolish from their money.
Can you have fun in Las Vegas without sinning? Sure, if your conscience is clear and you have balanced limits, keeping in mind the dangers and pitfalls, you can play the slots and receive the value of a fun experience. But, remember Paul’s advice: “All things are permissible, but not all things are profitable.”
Paul gave an intriguing picture of what happens when the line is crossed and we trust more in our money than in the God we worship. Paul addressed this in 1 Timothy 6:6-10).
(6) But godliness with contentment is great gain. (7) For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. (8) But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. (9) Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. (10) For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
Here is the Biblical formula for real wealth .A good paraphrase of verse six is, “Being pleasing toward God coupled with contentment equals great wealth.”
Verses nine and ten are rather strong, aren’t they? This verse is talking about “those who would be rich…” In other words, “those who set a goal in life of accumulating wealth fall into the trap that leads to ruin and destruction.”
The sin of materialism is the desire to get rich. It is not the possession in and of itself. It is not making a profit in business… having property… but it is the desire to be rich… it is the longing for material things.
Notice what Paul says happens to the person who desires to be rich! He falls into temptation and a trap. It is the trap of materialism. Then he falls into many foolish and harmful desires which – watch it – plunge him into ruin and destruction.
Now, it doesn’t matter whether wealth is sticking to your fingers or slipping through. It doesn’t matter what your level of affluence is… what the size of your bank account is… The question is, What is your attitude toward it?
“Pierced themselves” is an interesting phrase. It literally means to put on a spit. You know what a spit is. You put a raw piece of meat on a spit and then turn it over again and again over an open fire.
I want you to get the picture portrayed here. Instead of putting a piece of chicken or beef on a spit, suppose you put a live human being on the spit and turn him over and over again and roast him on an open fire–a fire ignited by the very material things he has chased after! This is a picture of torture. It is a metaphorical picture of a person torturing his own soul.
Believers who are guilty of being eager for money will ultimately end up being tortured in their own souls.
I want to suggest to you a paraphrase of verses 9-10 which is intended to bring out the richness of the Greek text in order to sum up the essential message of these verses. I don’t claim that this is perfect; but I believe that it will help to make the central message clear:
“They that accept becoming rich as a goal in life fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and hurtful cravings which ruin lives and lead men to hell.
For the love of money is the source from which all kinds of wvil can originate.
Some Christians have grasped after wealth and have gone into a reverse spiritual growth process, and have tortured their souls with their sorrows.”
Do you think that those are strong words? I haven’t been able to find any stronger words in the Bible addressed to Christians than these right here.
I think that I know why. Because the sin of materialism is essentially the sin of idolatry. It is the worship of a false god.
Fortunately, Paul goes on to tell us how to find victory and contentment in our struggle with materialism.
He says, “run away from materialism and run toward godliness and holiness.
Well, T, I suppose you will need to answer your own question. The Bible is silent on the subject. Discern what your conscience is saying and live accordingly.
I really appreciate your question. It is so timely and relevant in a society that has lost its way in using money wisely.
Love, Roger
Too often we are repetitively reactionary and little more. Life becomes something more of obligatory duty rather than gifted privilege. Our days become stale, methodical routines that hammer out another empty twenty-four hours on the incessant assembly line of our lives, rather than being an astonishing adventure that could peel off in a hundred different glorious directions at any time. Living becomes banally rote, the day-in and day-out devolves to stale routine, blandness leaves us forgetting that flavor exists at all, and habit seizes the reins with both hands. Left unchecked, habit strangles individuality by imposing sameness, and it crushes creativity by demanding adherence. Habit takes that which might have been mindful and makes it entirely mindless. If we are not diligently careful, habit will come to define the whole of our existence, leaving the fluid magnificence of who we are and what we could accomplish wholly dissipated in the backwash of lack-luster procedure and irreversibly dispersed in heartless protocol.
Yet, we are exceedingly more than the bland amalgamation of habit, even though we incessantly permit its lifeless rubrics to press the life out of us. The outliers of our essence extend leagues out beyond our own vision, and our depth is past plumbing despite whatever discipline we might bring to the plumbing. And it is altogether impossible that the whole of this essence can be packed tidily into the asphyxiating rubric that habit constructs. Habit might indeed be unswerving and fixed, granting us a steady direction and a secure course when all becomes unsteady. Yet, given unbridled rein to freely propagate the rubrics that make habit what it is, we would die the death of character asphyxiation.
Who We Are
We are an potently composite collection of experiences, wounds, failures, successes, relationships, genetics and a wholly incalculable array of other things that press together and then settle into some sort of uniquely amalgamated compilation that makes us, us. The nature of these things and the manner in which they have each jostled for position and eventually fall into place lends us a uniqueness that sets us apart from everyone else in all of existence, while concurrently creating both adoring and sometimes irksome similarities with everyone else.
From the core of this place that makes us who we are, there emerges a refined proliferation of beliefs, values, opinions and perspectives that both drive and dictate the manner in which we engage life in ways both large and small. Indeed, this core place becomes the sturdy helm from which the ship of our lives is faithfully navigated. In time, this place becomes sagely informed, sharply intuitive and shrewdly instinctual. This proficient compilation of assets lends itself to great things beyond even the scope of our dreams and fondest aspirations.
The Helm Commandeered by Habit
However, this helm can become insidiously commandeered by habit. It is our choice to let that happen, and the choice is most often based on the curse of ease and the ignorance of our abilities. Over time, we surrender to the reflex of habit. Habit is easy. Habit demands nothing cognitively. Habit subdues mindfulness, and reflex ousts wisdom. It blunts creativity and undercuts innovation. In time we react without knowing why we’re reacting, and when we reach that point we’ve devolved to mindless automatons living out the staleness borne of a reactionary existence. Habit has its place, but we habitually grant it every place.
In time, habit is confused with intelligence and wisdom. We deem ourselves to be quite astute, overtly mindful, shrewdly insightful and rigorously thoughtful. We commend ourselves for the tact with which we engage life and the wisdom that exudes from us with ever increasingly depth. Yet, this is often little more than the redundant repetition of habit that we’ve taken for something far more than habit. We ascribe to habit brilliant ideas, epic decisions and colossal achievements that are in reality nothing of habit, all the while allowing the grander part of ourselves to atrophy in the decay of life lost.
Habit as Ease
Sadly, it seems that we create habit so that we don’t have to create. Habit provides us a soulfully soothing sense that we’re being amply responsible and sufficiently judicious in living out our lives while permitting us to pay as little attention as possible to the living out of our lives. It’s the autopilot that we engage so that we can turn our attention to the endless other things that are pounding at the door of our lives. In time, we craft some sort of habit to deal with each of these demands as we grant them entrance into our lives. We then develop habits about developing habits, rendering each habit something of all the others before it. Our lives take on the redundancy of the habitual habits that we now apply to everything. Soon, staleness becomes our lot and the apathy of redundancy becomes our trademark. Despite the dankness of it all it is easy, and the habit of ease repeated habitually is the pallor of death.
The Habit of Getting Out of Habit
There might be a bit of wisdom in doing a little, or possibly a lot of introspective inventorying in order to determine the extent to which the decay of habit has infiltrated the fabric of our lives. We can fall to the mindless repetition of habit and live out our lives as a series of encoded reflexes rather than digging down, getting our hands marvelously dirty, and being mindfully engaged in a grand adventure that we’re on the verge of throwing away. We can ferret out the scourge of ease and confront the debilitating messages that ease has bribed us with. We can get into the habit of getting out of the habit.
Getting into the habit of getting out of the habit means that we need to be brutally honest with ourselves. Ferreting our habit can be overtly frightening due to the fact that it is often habit that has created the very framework that binds our lives together. If we abandon habit, we fear that will cause our worlds to implode beyond recognition or hope of recovery. Habit is the tightly cinching framework that binds the precarious parts of our lives together in a manner that allows our lives to hold together when life assails us. Habit retains a soothing familiarity when all becomes jarringly unfamiliar. Indeed, it may restrain us from great things at times, but in excess it also insulates us from falling into terrible things. It is a sure course when the course to adventure is unsure. Habit is a certain passage that is certain to keep us safe, but too much of it is certain to keep us safely at a distance from greatness and goals both grand and glorious.
The Benefit of Habit
It is both responsible and important to point out that habit has an important and terribly critical place in our lives. Habit provides consistency to areas of our lives while we concurrently push out into other areas that have yet to be consistent, or may never be consistent. They can be a series of strategic boundaries that intentionally set the stage for us to safely step outside of those boundaries to new ones. Habits can keep rather rogue and rowdy behaviors in check while giving more responsible behaviors ample room to flourish and grow. They can provide a framework until those parts of lives have matured sufficiently to stand on their own.
Yet, this brand of ‘habit’ is carefully crafted of wisdom, sown supple with flexibility, evenly tempered by vision, and held to places where it is needed while being withheld from places where it is not. These kind of habits are designed to pave the way for the next step rather than insulating us from the next step. They are the progressive not regressive. Visionary and not visually blind. Progressive habits frame our lives to advance our lives for the whole of our lives. And it is these kinds of habits that will habitually keep us from the death knell of destructive habits.
We need to get into the habit of recognizing our habits. Once we have, we need to develop the habit of evaluating our habits even though we have a habit of not doing so. And it is this piercing acumen that will allow us to bend habit so that it does not bend us and become our death knell.
© 2015 Craig Lounsbrough, M.Div., Licensed Professional Counselor
Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
This old saying shows up a lot on t-shirts, coffee cups, and wall plaques. It’s supposed to make us smile, but it annoys me.
Shame on Momma for being so self-centered and narcissistic that she manipulates people with her emotional moods.
Momma is a bully.
A mature mother would have this attitude: Even though I may not be happy, I want others to be, so I’ll conduct myself in such a way as to conceal my unhappiness until I can find the right time, place, and method to deal with my challenges.
Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, harm, humiliate, or dominate others.
The only way to stop a bully is to resist him. Bullies can’t exist without victims, so if we refuse to be passive and actively resist their behavior, we can stop bullies in their tracks.
Some bullying is obvious: high-level Mafia-type extortion, tyrannical behavior at school or at the office. These certainly need to be identified and resisted. But there are also more subtle types of bullying—like Mamma making everyone unhappy if she’s unhappy.
Have you ever known someone whose behavior is so unpredictable and irrational that you feel like you’re constantly “walking on thin ice” when you’re around him? You always have to think twice about how and when to interact with him because you never know what mood he’s in. It’s a subtle form of bullying and he won’t quit until someone stands up to him.
My father was a bully. He manipulated others with his erratic, temperamental, and sometimes volatile behavior. His moodiness made everyone uncomfortable and on edge. Early on, someone should have told him, “Stop it. Your behavior will not be tolerated. Do that again and your family will leave and you’ll be all alone.” Sadly, no one ever pushed back. He was a bully until his death at age 77.
Resist bullies.
Summary
What? – Don’t be bullied.
So what? – As long as we play the role of a victim, bullies will continue their behavior. So tell bullies, “Stop!”
Now what? – Are you tolerating any bullies in your life? If so, calmly but forcefully resist. Don’t compromise or bargain with them.
Leaders – Do you bully others? Is there a bully on your team? Address this behavior.
Hi Roger,
I’m borderline computer illiterate so I couldn’t figure out how to shoot you a question on Ask Roger. Hope this reaches you. Jesus taught that we are to love our enemies and do good to those who spitefully use us. He also taught that we shouldn’t resist evil, but overcome evil w/good. I feel that I need to speak out against the ground zero mosque but that’s resisting. I love Muslims but I’m not happy about the mosque as it is intended to symbolize conquest over America and particularly, it implies that 9/11 was in fact a victory in jihadist’s war against America. The psychological impact of that is very destructive and intentionally so. Our founding fathers didn’t overcome evil w/good. They didn’t stay in England and endure the persecution, affecting change by their example of Christ like love. They resisted the King of England and when that didn’t work, they left Europe for America. What’s the balance supposed to be like Roger? This antagonism of America is very painful. I want to do the right thing but I’m somewhat at a loss to understand what that is. I know the right thing doesn’t involve violence. I’m very clear on that. But what are Christians supposed to do?
Sincerely, Ed
Dear Ed,
You always ask me the most difficult questions. I enjoy them; especially because they almost never allow for a simple “black or white” answer. You always ask about the “gray areas” of life where thinking Christians have to make wise decisions about how to behave in complex situations. Frankly, the issues we face are usually in the “gray” areas of life. Deciding how to behave and respond takes much godly wisdom—especially because Paul’s teachings regarding the conscience mean that what is the right behavior for one may be sinful for another.
So, let’s start with the two extremes. Terry Jones’ behavior is on the dark side. Remember that he is the pastor of a small church in Florida who recently declared that he would publicly burn a copy of the Quran on 9/11. News of his derogatory behavior circled the globe. I read one headline that said, “Christian Pastor To Burn Quran On 9-11.” As I read those lines I thought to myself, “That headline is an unfair slam against millions of loving, accepting and kind-hearted Christians and pastors all over the world.” A much fairer headline might have read, “Mean, Unloving, Thoughtless, Radical, Arrogant, Un-Christian Jackass To Burn Quran On 9-11.” Please excuse my using a term like, “jackass”. However, it just seems appropriate, when according to the following article from Newsweek Magazine (“As Death Toll Rises, Media Should Look at Role in Quran-Burning Flap-Newsweek Sept 13”), he might be an accomplice to the persecutions and murder of Christians in other parts of the world that resulted from his un-Christian attitudes and behaviors.
In the end, Pastor Terry Jones bowed to all the pressure, and perhaps his conscience, but it was too late. At least 16 people have been killed in Indian-controlled Kashmir and Afghanistan through today, as riots sparked by Jones’s planned—and then scrapped—burning of the Quran spread across the region.
The violence started the day after 9/11, when the world should still have been recoiling from confronting the dangers of religious extremism. The terrible deed wrought by religious zealots nine years ago had the power to help prompt two nearly decade-long wars in which hundreds of thousands have perished. All that horror – and many would say, folly—was ignited by the fundamentalist passions of a small number of lunatics.
This time a single man—the leader of a tiny, obscure church in Gainesville, Fla., sparked the bloodshed. By Saturday, Jones had told NBC that he would not burn a Quran, “not today, not ever.” But the rage that he seemed so bent on tapping into had already exploded. Ultimately, the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks was marked by more religiously-inspired violence and pointless loss of life.
But the news media may have to examine their role in this episode. News organizations may well need to ask what public good was served by giving minute-by-minute updates of the antics of a little-known preacher. Jones’s decision to burn holy books near his sparsely attended church became global news because, well, it was disseminated globally. By making it big news, the media had a hand in prompting the subsequent violence. The question is what happens next time a crackpot decides he wants his 15 minutes of notoriety and chooses to do so by insulting Islam or baiting some other group.”
OK, Ed, I know we agree that a blatant attack on the most sacred text of Islam is not only nasty behavior, it can lead to bloodshed. By the way, so can the irresponsible behaviors of a thoughtless media whose primary concern is to make money at nearly any cost.
Now let’s go to the other extreme and consider the “white” side. This extreme is just as “dark” as the previous one; however, in our “black and white” analogy, we may call this the “white” side. But, it is really not that white after all. This extreme proposes that Islam is no threat to our national security nor to our current way of life.
Islam is a security threat in the sense that extremists use sections from the Quran to justify both terrorism and jihad—not only on America but on other Western nations as well. Acts of murderous behavior perpetrated by Muslim extremists against Christians in Allah’s name occur in places like Thailand, New Guinea and other Indonesian nations.
In many ways Islam is a threat to our current American way of life because it is a cultural phenomenon that slowly changes cultural dynamics wherever Muslims congregate and ultimately proliferate. Historically, much of North Africa was Christian until the Muslims slowly began to move into those areas, and today, Christianity is not welcomed in any North African nation. Several hundred years ago the peaceful Muslim infiltration into Spain was arrested when Islamic extremists attempted to overcome the Moors who lived there by force. In the ensuing battles he Moors were victorious and the Muslim advance into Europe was stopped—for a while. The current immigration of Muslims into France and England guarantee that the centuries-old lifestyle of those two nations will be (and already are being) irreversibly altered.
One of the strategies used by Muslims to permeate and transform a community is to build large Islamic centers or Mosques that will, by their size and activities, draw in people from the surrounding area and see them convert to Islam. If the trend continues there will no longer be a church on every corner as we have exclaimed in the past. In a generation or two we will find a mosque on every corner. Nevertheless, their goal to spread Islam through such a center is not foreign to history.
We Christians have done the same thing, many times, to spread the message of Christ. Without a doubt, like the Muslims, we will keep on doing it.
All right Ed, as you ask in your letter, allow me to answer your specific questions more directly. Let’s maneuver into the “gray area” as we seek a balanced approach as we sort out our feelings and actions regarding Muslims and the teachings of the Quran.
When Jesus taught that we are to “love our enemies and do good to those who spitefully use us,” He in no way expected that we must muzzle ourselves so as not to offend or hurt the feelings of our enemies. I don’t look at our Muslim friends as being our enemies anyway. They are people just like we are who want to experience a peaceful existence, raise healthy, well-adjusted children, have loving friends, enjoy a measure of material success, find meaning and purpose in life and to enjoy the benefits of religious freedom.
We must remember that many of our Muslim friends are appalled at the behavior of Islamic terrorists. Time and time again Muslim leaders have tried to separate themselves from any association or approval of the terrorists and their activities. Maybe it is time we listened.
Hesham A. Hassaballa recently addressed this issue when he quoted the declaration made at the second most influential school in the Islamic world, the Darul Uloom at Deoband: “[At] this All India Anti-Terrorism Conference attended by the representatives of all Muslim schools of thought organized by Rabta Madaris Islamiah Arabia (Islamic Madrassa Association), Darul Uloom Deoband condemns all kinds of violence and terrorism in the strongest possible terms.”
Maulana Marghoobur Rahmad of Darul Uloom said, “There is no place for terrorism in Islam. Terrorism, killing of the innocent, is against Islam.”
Hassaballa observed: “Although I am not a scholar, all my reading of Islamic scripture and teachings have informed me that violence against the innocent is totally abhorrent in Islam. One does not need to be a scholar to fully grasp this understanding; it virtually screams out of Islamic teachings–if anyone is willing to listen.”
With this understanding, may we solve conflicts with our friends in a functional way as Jesus recommend in Matthew 18 and in the Sermon on the Mount. Paul encouraged us throughout his epistles to handle conflicts openly, honestly, and functionally.
I conclude that it is quite all right to express displeasure with our Muslim friend’s behaviors without doing it in a mean or offensive way. Our loving behavior may be a marvelously attractive expression when contrasted with the name-calling and criticism so angrily expressed by some in our culture. Just because we don’t appreciate our friends’ behaviors in no way means that we can’t express our displeasure with a Mosque being erected at Park 51. Speaking out against the ground zero mosque is not necessarily “resisting”—it is our freedom to express our views. But, remember, in a country built on the concept of religious freedom, both Christians and Muslims have every right to express their religion without being persecuted, ostracized or ridiculed by others—and vice versa!
By the way, I personally feel that it is quite all right to be absolutely incensed at the erection of a mosque so near to what is becoming a sacred place of its own in America. Very few would argue against your idea that the mosque is intended to be anything other than a symbol of conquest over America and that as you say, “it implies that 9/11 was in fact a victory in Jihadist’s war against America. The psychological impact of that is very destructive and intentionally so.”
Your parallel question regarding the seeking of religious freedom by our founding forefathers is intriguing. I think of Paul in the Book of Acts about to be murdered by terrorist Judaic leaders. He was persuaded by his friends not to stay and fight the unwinnable. They lowered him over the wall at night and Paul ran away to live and fight another day. There is time to get stoned to death by the citizens of Lystra. There are also times to sneak out in a basket to live to fight another day. When every attempt to reconcile with the English monarchy was stymied, and no more amount of Christ-like-love would change matters, it was time to get in the boat and sail to America.
Let me suggest a practical answer to your question, “Just what are Christians supposed to do?”
Cherie Grey is a Casas’ member who has done an outstanding job helping Middle Eastern families locate successfully to Arizona. She has a number of people organized to provide food, clothes, housing, jobs and support for these transplants. Cherie wrote an article several years ago entitled “Ministering to Muslims.” I think she has answered your question better than I ever could.
We can build walls or we can build bridges. We can start with all the reasons why our religions are different and why we have different god’s and why what they believe is wrong and what we believe is right.
Or… We could find the redeeming truths that they already have in their culture and use those as BRIDGES to share Truth with them. Here are some bridges to start with:
1. Allah- this is the Arabic word for God and is used by all Arabic Christians when referring to God, and is written in Arabic Bibles as well.
2. Isa- this is the Muslim word for Jesus, no matter what country they are from or what language they speak; most often our Arabic Muslim friends refer to Jesus as “Isa al-masih” which means “Jesus the Messiah” although they don’t understand what Messiah means.
3. Prophet- Muslims honor great men of God and will give them the title of Prophet when they speak of them, for example “Prophet Moses” or “Prophet Abraham”; Muslims have great reverence for God while we practice a more casual faith in America.
4. Four Holy Books- every good Muslim who has been educated at all knows that there are 4 holy books and they should read them all—
•Torah (they say Taoorat)- the law of Moses
•Psalms (they say Zaboor)- of Prophet David
•New Testament (they say Injeel)- story of Jesus life
•Quran
5. Injeel- this is the Muslim word for Bible (as well as the word for the N.T.); if you call it a “Bible” then your Muslim friend will assume that it is the Christian book that has been corrupted, but if you call it an “Injeel” they will be drawn to read it, especially if you can find one in their language; treat it like a holy book and don’t put it on the floor or show irreverence.
6. Prayer- take every opportunity to pray with your Muslim friends; remind them that Jesus is the only Prophet in the Quran who can heal people and raise people from the dead and so you want to pray in Jesus name because it has power; all 4 holy books suggest that we pray with our hands raised and our eyes toward heaven and this is how our Muslim friends will recognize our reverence for God.
7. Christian- most Muslims have very wrong definitions of “Christian” just as we have many misconceptions about them; because of the influence of Hollywood in so many countries most of the world thinks that Christians are immoral, polytheistic, wine-drinking, pig-eating, loose-dressing, materialistic, corrupt, unclean Westerners. It is wise to identify yourself as a “follower of Jesus” rather than a Christian, and this usually opens up wonderful conversations.
8. Dress- Muslims measure godliness by what they see on the outside; when visiting with Muslim friends you want them to know that you honor God and what you are wearing says a lot about your faith even before you open your mouth; it is wise for us to err on the conservative side (cover shoulders and knees) if you feel comfortable doing so.
9. Friendship- above all else our Muslim friends value relationships and their “love language” is hospitality and generosity; as believers our friendship needs to be faithful and consistent with them as we establish trust and offer our hospitality and love them as Jesus loved them.
Jesus taught that we “shouldn’t resist evil, but overcome evil w/good.” In other words, the love, support and kindness, we demonstrate to our Muslim neighbors should be so attractive that they are irresistibly drawn to Christ and soon surrender their hearts to Christ as their Lord and Savior.
Well, Ed, I hope you some help and guidance in my answer. Thanks again for asking.
Love, Roger
By the way, thanks to the efforts of some of our Casas missionaries, we have the entire audio New Testament in Arabic on our site.
“The Temptations” lesson includes a discussion of sin and human nature, the temptation of Adam and Eve and the temptation of Christ. Satanic temptations include doubt, vulnerable times of fatigue and discouragement, and neglect of God’s Word. We must declare God’s truth and command enemy forces and influence to depart from us in the name and …
