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lust

Articles

Lust of the Flesh, Lust of the Eyes

by Neil Anderson
written by Neil Anderson

In the Garden of Eden, Satan first appealed to the lust of the flesh. The fruit looked good to Eve, so why not have a bite? “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1). Notice that the devil said “any tree” when God said only “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil” (2:17). Satan distorts and questions the Word of God when he attacks the mind.

The key to winning the battle for your mind is to recognize tempting thoughts for what they are and practice “threshold thinking.” Take that first thought captive to the obedience of Christ. It is not a sin to be tempted, but entertaining those thoughts will lead to sin. If you consider them in your mind, your emotions will be stimulated in the wrong direction and your will power will crumble. You should avoid any discussion with Satan’s mouthpieces, which Eve failed to do when she answered, “God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die’’’ (3:3). Notice that she added the restriction, “you must not touch it.” Don’t continue to dialogue with the tempter – the person pushing you for sex or to have another piece of pie. “Let your ‘Yes’ by yes, and your ‘No,’ no, or you will be condemned” (James 5:12).

Satan had piqued her appetite for the forbidden fruit, and she saw “that the fruit of the tree was good for food” (verse 6). Her initial “no” was now a “maybe.” It was through this same channel of temptation that the devil attempted to get Jesus to turn a rock into bread, which prompted Christ to quote Deuteronomy 8:3: “Man does not live on bread alone.” There would have been nothing wrong with Jesus eating bread at the end of His fast, except that it wasn’t the Father’s will for Him to do so. He made His decision by verbally quoting Scripture, and that was the end of the dialogue. He was not about to act independently of the Father’s will.

Eating is necessary and right, but eating too much – or eating the wrong kinds of foods, or allowing food to rule our lives – is wrong. Food sustains life, but it does not guarantee life, which is God’s gift to those who trust in His Word and live by it. When we fast, we suppress the most powerful appetite we have, because food is necessary to sustain life. In a similar way, sex as intended by God is beautiful and good, but sex outside of marriage, fornication and selfish sex are out of bounds and enslaving. If we give in to the temptation to meet our own fleshly desires independently of God, we are yielding to the lust of the flesh.

We all have residual flesh patterns that become points of vulnerability, and Satan seems to know just what buttons to push. What could be tempting to one person may not be at all tempting to another. It is important that we recognize our weaknesses and not subject ourselves to unnecessary temptation. We should also restrict our freedom for the sake of weaker Christians.

LUST OF THE EYES

Eve saw that the food was “pleasing to the eye” (Genesis 3:6). The “lust of the eyes” was the second channel of temptation through which Satan took advantage. Eve’s resolve was weakening. It looks good and I want it. What harm could possibly befall me if I took just one little bite? Seizing the opportunity, Satan said, “You will not certainly die” (Genesis 3:4). “Don’t listen to God,” he hissed. “He is just trying to deny you some of life’s great pleasures. Do what is right in your own eyes. There are no serious consequences for choices that you make.

The lust of the eyes subtly draws us away from the Word of God and eats away at our confidence in Him. We see what the world has to offer and desire it above our relationship with God. We begin to place more credence in our perspective of life than in God’s plans and promises. Fueled by the lust for what we see, we grab for all that we can get. Tempting lies have not changed since the original sin. Go ahead and do it. You know you want to. Everyone else is doing it. Why should you be denied? Who would know if you did? You will get away with it.

With Eve, Satan questioned the Word of God. With Jesus, he quoted Scripture, but in a diabolical way. “If you believe God’s Word is true, prove it. Jump off the Temple wall. God will save you by sending His angels to bear you up. You won’t even come close to hitting the rocks below” (see Matthew 4:6). Had Jesus jumped to His death, everyone’s confidence in God would have been shattered.

However, Jesus was not going to be seduced by a passage taken out of context. He countered the temptation with a passage of Scripture that exposed Satan’s ploy: “Do not put the LORD your God to the test” (Deuteronomy 6:16). That verse follows the Shema (see Deuteronomy 6:4-9), which is still recited daily by orthodox Jews. Shema means “to hear so as to obey.”

The righteous live by faith in the written Word of God and do not demand that God prove Himself in response to our whims or wishes, no matter how noble we think our cause may be. God is under no obligation to us – He is under obligation only to Himself. There is no way that we can cleverly word a prayer so that God must respond to our will. Such thinking distorts the meaning of prayer and puts us in the position of trying to manipulate God.

A beloved man was once dying with cancer. Word spread throughout his church that four independent witnesses had all testified that the man was not going to die. The congregation believed these witnesses had heard from God and rejoiced. Three weeks, later the man died. Either those four “witnesses” were paying attention to a deceiving spirit, or God’s Word can’t be trusted.

Counterfeit gifts of knowledge and prophecy spoken through false prophets and deceived Christians can destroy our confidence in God. If they give us a “word from the Lord” and it doesn’t prove to be true, God can no longer be trusted. The same thing happens if we pay attention to a deceiving spirit and think it is from God. Paul says that we will fall away from the faith if we pay attention to deceiving spirits and things taught by demons (see 1 Timothy 4:1).

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Bible Studies

Samson and Lust

by Abraham Kuruvilla
written by Abraham Kuruvilla

Rebellious disdain of one’s divine calling, expressed in uncontrolled lusts and vengeful actions, can lead to destruction.

At some unspecified time in the recent past, Samson, in a rage, had abandoned his wife (14:20). Now he wants sex—“I will go in to my wife”—and so he decides to make amends. Bearing a goat’s kid (like a box of chocolates, I suppose?), Samson proceeds to his wife’s house (15:2) where he is told that she has been given away to one of his companions (14:20; 15:2, 6). Unrequited desire now becomes inflammatory fury. Samson turns violent: capturing three hundred foxes, preparing a hundred and fifty torches, uniting the feisty animals tail to tail with appropriately placed torches, he releases the foxes (truly weapons of mass destruction!)—and all of this without any help whatsoever. He wreaks incendiary havoc on the Philistines’ agroeconomy and their inventory of staples: grain, grapes, and olives (15:4–5). The collateral damage of Samson’s blitzkrieg is that the Philistines blame his wife and father-in-law for the fiasco and burn both of them alive (15:6).

Of course, Samson is not going to let that go by without reacting. His intent to avenge himself (15:7) tells the reader about his total lack of understanding of the consequences of tit-for-tat operations. A personal vendetta waged over a woman has now exploded into an international conflagration (15:10–11). And so the vicious cycle continues to spiral out of control. Somewhere along the way, he also slaughters a thousand Philistines with a donkey’s jawbone (15:15–16). What an appetite for violence and revenge, and sex.

Talking of which …. He engages a Philistine prostitute in a one-night stand (16:1–3) in a Philistine city, Gaza. All his trysts with women have only brought Samson peril thus far. Had he not learned that he was weak without Yahweh’s help and strength (15:18–19), and had he not perceived that his thirsts could only be quenched by trusting Yahweh, not by haunting brothels? Like Israel, hardhearted and stubborn, Samson, too, had forgotten his calling, and had lapsed into an anti-Yahwistic pattern of life.

But we’ll cut to the chase. He falls in love with another woman, Delilah (16:4).

And this special, fourth lady’s name? “Delilah.” In Hebrew, layla means night. So “Delilah” is the Night Woman. Our man, Sunny Boy, and the Night Woman. For some reason, I’m not getting a good feeling about this.

Well, Philistine rulers bribe Delilah to discover the secret of Samson’s strength. Three times she tries; three times he bluffs her. Finally the fourth time, he caves in, tells the truth and gets his haircut—the last of his Nazirite commitments.

Hey, why not? I’ve already consumed alcohol, contacted unclean things, and touched corpses? Why not get a haircut, too? Who cares for God?

He didn’t want to be special. He didn’t want to have anything to do with Israel. He didn’t want to be a Nazirite. He didn’t want to be a judge. He didn’t want any truck with God. A renunciation of his calling. A repudiation of his dedication. Defection!

The rest is history. He is captured. His eyes are gouged out. He who wanted whatever he saw was good in his eyes, now loses the very organs of his downfall. Samson is left without strength, without sight, without freedom, without dignity, and—worst of all—without God (16:20)!

Later as the Philistines parade him at a festival, he manages to—literally!—bring the house down, killing himself and a whole bunch of enemies (16:25–30). The first judge of the book to die in an enemy encounter.

Sunny Boy’s sun had set. And Israel was now in darkness, and there is no rest for the land. All that remains in the book is gross idolatry and a violent civil war.

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Articles

Should Fallen Pastors Be Restored?

by John MacArthur
written by John MacArthur

It always saddens me to watch church leaders bring reproach on the church of Jesus Christ. What’s perhaps most shocking to me is how frequently Christian leaders sin grossly, then step back into leadership almost as soon as the publicity dies away. It seems like Christians don’t expect much of their leaders anymore.

Some time ago I received a tape of a recommissioning service for a pastor who had made national news by confessing to an adulterous affair. It disturbed me. After little more than a year of “counseling and rehabilitation,” this man was returning to public ministry with his church’s blessing.

It is happening everywhere. Restoration teams—equipped with manuals to instruct the church on how to reinstate its fallen pastor—wait like tow-truck drivers on the side of the highway, anticipating the next leadership “accident.” Grace Community Church has received inquiries wondering if it has written guidelines or a workbook to help in restoring fallen pastors to leadership. Many no doubt expect that a church the size of ours would have a systematic rehabilitation program for sinning leaders.

Gross sin among Christian leaders is an epidemic. That is a symptom that something is seriously wrong with the church. But an even greater problem is the lowering of standards to accommodate our leaders’ sin. That the church is so eager to bring these men back into leadership indicates a rotten understanding of what it means to be a pastor.

Some have claimed that a leader’s failure makes him more effective in shepherding fallen people. That is ludicrous. Should we drag the bottom of sin’s cesspool for the most heinous sinners to lead the church? Are they better able to understand the sinner? Certainly not! Our pattern for ministry is the sinless Son of God. The church is to be like Him and its leaders are to be models of Christlikeness for the sheep.

We must recognize that leadership in the church cannot be entered into lightly. The foremost requirement of a leader is that he be above reproach (1 Timothy 3:2, 10; Titus 1:7). That is a difficult prerequisite, and not everyone can meet it.

Some kinds of sin irreparably shatter a man’s reputation and disqualify him from a ministry of leadership forever because he can no longer be above reproach. Even Paul, man of God that he was, said he feared such a possibility. In 1 Corinthians 9:27 he says, “I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”

When referring to the body, Paul obviously had sexual immorality in view. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 he describes it as a sin against one’s own body—sexual sin is its own category. Certainly it disqualifies a man from church leadership. First Timothy 3:2 demands that elders be one-woman men (cf. Proverbs 6:32–33).

Where did we get the idea that a year’s leave of absence can restore integrity to someone who has squandered his reputation and destroyed people’s trust? Certainly not from the Bible. Trust forfeited is not so easily regained. Once purity is sacrificed, the ability to lead by example is lost forever.

What about forgiveness? Shouldn’t we be eager to restore our fallen brethren? To fellowship, yes. But not to leadership. It is not an act of love to return a disqualified man to public ministry; it is an act of disobedience.

By all means we should be forgiving. But we cannot erase the consequences of sin. I am not advocating that we “shoot our own wounded.” I’m simply saying that we shouldn’t rush them back to the front lines—and we should not put them in charge of other soldiers. The church should do everything possible to minister to those who have sinned and repented. But that does not include restoring the mantle of leadership to a man who has disqualified himself and forfeited the right to lead. Doing so is unbiblical and lowers the standard God has set.

Why is the contemporary church so eager to be tolerant in restoring fallen leaders? I’m certain a major reason is the sin and unbelief that pervade the church. If casual Christians can lower the level of leadership, they will be much more comfortable with their own sin. With lower moral standards for its leaders, the church becomes more tolerant of sin and less interested in holiness. The “sin-tolerant” church is intolerable to God. And such a church reveals the precarious status of contemporary evangelicalism—a reality that should frighten all serious and obedient believers.

The man-centered focus of modern religion has spawned the erroneous notion that committing the worst kinds of sin makes a person more effective in ministering to sinners. The implications of such a philosophy are frightening. The calling of a pastor is not to be relevant as a sinner, but to imitate Christ by striving after holiness (1 Peter 1:14–16).

Conservative Christians have for most of this century focused on the battle for doctrinal purity. And that is good. But we are losing the battle for moral purity. Some of the worst defeats have occurred among our most visible leaders. The church cannot lower the standard to accommodate them. We should hold it higher so that purity can be regained. If we lose here, we have utterly failed, no matter how orthodox our confession of faith. We can’t win if we compromise the biblical standard.

Pray for your church’s leaders. Keep them accountable. Encourage them. Follow their godly example. Understand that they are not perfect. But continue to call them to the highest level of godliness and purity. The church must have leaders who are genuinely above reproach. Anything less is an abomination.

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Devotionals

Samson: Ignoring God’s Call

by Julie Barrier
written by Julie Barrier

Samson’s life story is in Judges 13-16, and John’s is revealed in Luke 1-3, Matthew 14:10. Central to Samson’s life is that “he will begin to rescue Israel from the Philistines.” (Judges 13:5 NAS) God’s plan for John’s life is that “He will turn many of the sons of Israel back to the Lord their God.” (Luke 1:16 NAS) With and without their obedience, God’s plan is fulfilled.

In Samson’s early years “…the child grew up and the LORD blessed him. And the Spirit of the LORD began to stir him…” (Judges 13:24b-25) In John’s early years we learn, “And the child continued to grow and to become strong in spirit, and he lived in the deserts. “…his food was locusts and wild honey.” (Luke 1:80 NAS; Matthew 3:4a LB)

As we follow them into adulthood we see the example of John the Baptist who is a devoted follower, and Samson who struggles with obedience.

In his adult life, Samson epitomizes the prodigal son Jesus describes in Luke 15. Samson wanders aimlessly through life except for three times when the spirit of the Lord comes upon him for a specific purpose. In two instances, Samson uses the enormous physical strength that God has given him to rescue Israel from the Philistines. Other times he uses his strength for personal gain. Ultimately, in spite of his prodigal life, Samson does help his people as God prophesied.

On his own Samson make dubious choices.

—Because an “uncircumcised Philistine” woman “looks good to me,” he demands that his parents, “now get her for me as my wife.” (Judges 14:1-3) Normally the parents would arrange a Jewish bride for their son, especially true for one with a Nazarite vow.
—Samson sees honey in a dead lion, and he uses his hands to get the honey to fulfill his hunger. (Judges 14:8-9) As a Nazarite he should not touch anything that is dead.

—Samson returns to marry his bride and learns her father has her married to Samson’s best friend. Out of anger Samson kills many Philistines, not at God’s direction, and then hides. (Judges 15)

The spirit of the Lord helps Samson in three situations thus fulfilling prophecy.
—A lion attacks him as he walks; the spirit of the LORD comes upon him, and Samson rips the lion apart. (Judges 14:5-6)
—Because of a riddle Samson tells before the wedding and a wager of 30 linen garments and 30 sets of clothes, there are ensuing problems. (Read about it in Judges 14:14-19) Because of the unresolved problems, The “Spirit of the Lord came upon him in power.” Samson then kills 30 Philistine men. (Judges 14:19 NIV)
—The Philistines come to avenge the men Samson kills, and the “Spirit of the Lord came upon him in power,” and with “a fresh jawbone of a donkey” he kills 1,000 Philistine men. (Judges 15:14a-15 NIV)

Samson seeks God’s help for selfish reasons.
—“Because he was very thirsty, he cried out to the LORD. You have given your servant this great victory. Must I now die of thirst and fall into the hands of the uncircumcised?” (Judges 16:18 NIV) God opens up a rock and water comes out.
—For the second time in his life, “Samson prays to the LORD, ‘O Sovereign LORD, remember me. O God, please strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.’” (Judges 16:28 NIV) Pushing on the pillars with all his strength, they collapse killing 3,000 men and women. Samson kills more at that moment than he slays during his lifetime.

This occurs in Gaza at the temple of the Dagon, the Philistine’s god. Samson is in the temple of Dagon because he is in love with another Philistine woman, Delilah. While Samson is with her, she convinces him to reveal the reason for his strength. Once he explains the Nazarite vow and his hair is surreptitiously shaved that night, the Philistines capture him and gouge out both of his eyes.

Samson spends his life without direction. However, his Nazarite vow and strength begin the rescue of Israel from the Philistines in spite of Samson’s lust for Philistine women and inability to follow God’s plan for his life.

Discussions about Samson usually focus on his strength and his destroying the pillars in the temple. Write down two areas in Samson’s life that are new to you and that you identify with.

Samson calls out to the Lord only two times. Both times are for selfish reason. How do you think God felt? Think about your own prayers—how often are they for selfish reasons? Do you need to ask God for forgiveness?

Have you ever made a vow to God? Are you married? That is a vow to God. Many say vows lightly, but does God still take them lightly? Look up Numbers 30:2; 6:1-8. Write down your thoughts.

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Ask Roger

What Do You Do When Your Integrity is Questioned?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

 

I served as the treasurer of our church for almost 20 years. Not long ago, some money turned up missing, and I was blamed. The humiliation and vilification were incredible. Everyone thought I was guilty and treated me that way.

 

The church arranged for an audit, and I was found innocent. The real thief was on the counting committee and went to jail for fraud. That’s the first, and hopefully the last time my integrity will be called into question. So, what do you do when your integrity is questioned?

 

Sincerely, Eric

 

 

Dear Eric,

 

It seemed so trivial. Paul told the Corinthian Christians that he would return to Corinth for a second visit in. However, Paul’s concern to get to Jerusalem was so irresistible that he bypassed Corinth.

 

Some began to question Paul’s integrity: “After all, if he cannot be trusted to keep his appointments, how can we ever trust his ministry?”

 

INTEGRITY IS WHOLENESS. ALL THE PIECES ARE ON DISPLAY. NOTHING IS MISSING OR HIDDEN.

 

Let’s consider how Paul handled this situation when his integrity was on the line with the Corinthian Christians. He relied upon the characteristics of holiness, sincerity, truthfulness, and love to validate his integrity. Take a look at 2 Corinthians 1:12-24:

 

Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace. … I wanted to visit you on my way to Macedonia, … and then to have you send me on my way to Judea. Was I fickle when I intended to do this? Or do I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say both “Yes, yes” and “No, no”?

 

But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.” For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us—by me and Silas and Timothy—was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. … Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

 

I call God as my witness—and I stake my life on it—that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.

 

Of course, there are more characteristics of integrity than the ones Paul mentioned in this defense. However, these four are more than enough to guarantee our own integrity. Let me share a few stories to illustrate.

 

By the way, the time to build up integrity is before we need to use it.

 

  1. HOLINESS: CHOOSING RIGHTEOUSNESS

 

Holiness need not be some esoteric mystical endeavor. It is as practical as righteous living. Romans 6:19 declares, “So, now offer your bodies in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.”

 

My dad was favored with promotion after promotion as he worked for 40 years, moving up the corporate ladder of a major airline to the position of vice president. He was in charge of budgets, balance sheets, income, expenditures, and economic forecasting.

 

Then, suddenly, without warning, they took away his job, his position, and his pride by replacing him with an accountant from South America who could hardly speak English. Dad was given a small office in the back of the building, where he worked with some outdated computers.

 

The board promised to pay him half of his present salary until he reached retirement age. They threw in a handful of free airplane tickets. Dad was devastated, but he left the airline behind and forged ahead, starting his own successful accounting business.

 

Several years later, two gentlemen from the FBI invited themselves into our house and shortly thereafter, it all made sense. Apparently, the leaders of the airline were trading valuable government-controlled air routes in exchange for large contributions to President Richard Nixon’s illegal campaign slush funds. The perpetrators knew that my dad must be isolated if the plan were to work.

 

Dad was a man of integrity.

 

Now read Romans 6:19 again. My dad’s decision to live in righteousness led to holiness, marking his life with integrity.

 

  1. SINCERITY: LIVING WITHOUT HIDDEN MOTIVES

 

What you see is what you get! People of integrity follow through with every promise they make. Their word is dependable. Proverbs 26:8 reads, “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”

 

In Roman times, vases often cracked when they were processed and hardened by fire. Then the imperfection on a cracked vase was filled with wax to hide the infirmity. Intact vases were stamped with the Latin words sine cera which meant “without wax.” From this practice, we get our word “sincerity.”

 

People of integrity have few—if any—cracks in their character. They are sincere.

 

Julie and I were buying groceries one Sunday after my sermon, when the cashier handed me my change. I counted the cash to discover that she’d given me five dollars too much.

 

I said, “I think that you’ve made a mistake. You have given me five extra dollars.”

 

She said, “I know. I was in church this morning, and I was just testing you.”

 

This has great relevance for the political leaders of our country. We have a society that uses words to lead, deceive, confuse and cover.

 

A recent NBC News poll tested voters’ feelings about congressional trustworthiness: 24% of Americans said that Congress is mostly honest. But the news media was worse. Just 19% said the media is very or mostly honest. Integrity long ago ceased to define our leaders.

 

  1. TRUTHFULNESS: SPEAKING and ACTING HONESTLY

 

Men and women of integrity tell the truth and live accordingly. They do not lie or perpetrate false truths. Their very lives are saturated with truth. They’ve learned the lesson that no matter what is going on, it is always best to tell the truth. Proverbs 12:19 teaches, “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.”

 

A man and a woman in Long Beach, CA went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to buy chicken for picnic. The owner was preparing to take the proceeds for the day’s sales to the bank for deposit. He camouflaged the money by putting it in an empty KFC box.

 

Inadvertently, the cashier gave the customer the money-filled box instead of the chicken-filled box.

 

When the couple got to the park and opened the box, they found all of the money. The man realized that there was a mistake. They got into the car and drove back to the KFC and returned the money to the frantic manager.

 

The manager was so pleased. He said, “You stick around. I want to call the newspaper and have them put in your picture.”

 

“No. No.  Don’t do that,” the man pleaded.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I am married, and this woman is not my wife.”

 

If the truth were known, most of us struggle with telling the truth at some time or other.

 

It doesn’t have to be that way. Just tell the truth; say what you mean and mean what you say, and integrity soars!

 

  1. LOVE: CARING FOR OTHERS

 

With all the problems that Paul experienced with the church at Corinth, it’s no wonder that he didn’t just walk away.  From our perspective, the Corinthian church was more trouble than it was worth! There were many people in the Mediterranean world who would have accepted, appreciated and loved what Paul was doing. But he loved them, as Christ loves the church.

 

The essence of integrity is getting involved in the lives of others.  People of integrity have love built into their nature. In John 15:12, Jesus commands, “Love each other as I have loved you.”

 

Expressing true love is not always easy.

 

I love this poem by Robert Brault:

 

I was hungry

and you hurried into McDonald’s

and acted like you didn’t see me at the door

Thank you.

 

I was imprisoned

And you crept off quietly

To your chapel in the cellar

To pray for my release.

 

I was naked

And in your mind you said

Surely he’ll find the local Goodwill store

 

I was sick

And you knelt and thanked God

For your health.

 

I was homeless

And you preached to me

Of the spiritual shelter

Of the love of God.

 

I was lonely

And you left me alone

To pray for me to find a friend.

 

You seem so holy;

So close to God.

 

But I’m still very hungry

And lonely

And cold.

 

So where have your prayers gone?

What have they done?

What does it profit a man to page through his

Book of prayers when the rest of the world

Is crying for help?

 

Will you show integrity by putting others first? Even when it’s not convenient?

 

FINALLY, IT TAKES TIME AND CONSISTENCY TO BUILD UP INTEGRITY WITH PEOPLE.

 

A consistent life lived over time—that includes holiness, sincerity, truthfulness, and love— validates a life of integrity. These characteristics are our best defense when our integrity is called into question. Proverbs 10:9 declares, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.”

 

Let me illustrate this last point with a story Leith Anderson in Leadership Journal several years ago. It was written for pastors, but it really applies to everyone.

 

When a new pastor is called to pastor a church, the pulpit committee gives him 100 chips.

 

If he preaches a good sermon, he gets another chip.

 

If he preaches a bad or boring sermon, it costs him two chips.

 

If he spends several hours at the hospital with a sick church member, he gets 10 chips.

 

If the visit occurred after midnight, he gets 15 chips.

 

And if the patient was sick unto death and recovered shortly after his visit and prayer, he gets 25 chips.

 

A pastor was called to a new church beginning in January, but his first sermon was not scheduled until the first Sunday in February.  The church anxiously waited.

 

Before he preached, a church down the street needed a pulpit. The pastor wanted to begin his ministry fresh and new. So, a week before he was to preach, he gave away the pulpit that had been in his new church for over 70 years.  After all, he didn’t want anything to stand between him and his people.

 

Giving away the pulpit cost him 1500 chips.  It would take 30 years of great sermons just to get back to even.  His ministry was over before he even started, and he was gone in three months.

 

On the other hand, there was a pastor who forgot a funeral. He wasn’t derelict or lazy; he was just was out counseling at a luncheon meeting and lost track of time.

 

The funeral director called his secretary, and she called all the usual places where he dined, but he had decided to try a new place.  Finally, the funeral home called a pastor down the street to fill in. He didn’t know the family, but he hurried down and performed the funeral.

 

When the pastor arrived back at church and realized what had happened, he was mortified.  He raced to the deceased’s home to apologize to the family members.

 

One of the family members said, “Pastor, we will never forgive nor forget what you did to us today.” The pastor figured that missing that funeral cost him several hundred chips.

 

But he survived. He had been at that church for 28 years. He had piles and piles of chips.

 

In my mind, integrity is one of the most precious parts of who we are in Christ. When 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old is gone, the new is here!” Paul means that we have been made new from the very inside out. We are clean; we have a sound moral character thanks to the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ.

 

But we still face a thousand choices every day … will we act with integrity, living transparently according to the will of God? Or will we do what’s best for us, hiding what we think or do behind a good-looking façade?

 

Keep pursuing holiness, sincerity, truthfulness, and love.

 

Well, Eric, I hope you’ll find my answer helpful in building a life of integrity.

 

 

Love, Roger

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Devotionals

Idolatry: The Lust of the Eyes

by Tony Evans
written by Tony Evans

 

Satan has a trap. He wants us to think the word “idol” doesn’t apply to us. However, because sin affects everyone, so does idolatry. As Pastor Evans mentioned, “idolatry is the most disgusting sin because all other sins come from it.” Idolatry is defined as any person, place, thing, or thought that we look to as our source. It is anything in God’s kingdom that competes with God himself.

 

Chapter 14 of Ezekiel explicitly states God’s stance on idolatry:

Therefore speak to them and tell them, “Thus says the Lord God, ‘Any man of the house of Israel who sets up his idols in his heart, puts right before his face the stumbling block of his iniquity, and then comes to the prophet, I the Lord will be brought to give him an answer in the matter in view of the multitude of his idols, in order to lay hold of the hearts of the house of Israel who are estranged from Me through all their idols.’”

 

Even though Christians may recognize that idols are sinful, all humans have a propensity toward idolatry. The reason why we look to idols is that they make us feel like we are in control of our lives. Despite that feeling, it is actually the idol that has control over us. Idols are so deceptive that they will simultaneously block the flow of God’s grace and attract demons to situations in our lives.

 

We can begin to address our own issues with idolatry when we remember a few key points:

 

  1. God is transcendent: He is outside of time and space and distinct from all of creation. When we operate outside of His timing, we are competing with Him.
  2. When God says, “I am that I am,” He means that He is not subject to our definition of who He is. Furthermore, He does not accept our excuses for participation in idol worship.
  3. Additionally, “I am that I am” means God is self-sufficient. He does not need our help to do anything.

Once we acknowledge that idolatry is intimacy with a false image, we can open our hearts to intimacy with the true, living God.

 

GETTING STARTED

  1. Scripture makes it clear that God wants absolute exclusivity as the ruler in our lives. Make a list of the specific area(s) that you have not given Him total reign over you.
  2. When we want to pick and choose the areas of life that we want God to enter, we are using a cafeteria approach to our relationship with Him. Say a prayer reverencing God’s authority in your life, and give Him total and complete dominion over the things that you listed above.

LET’S GET PERSONAL

Another factor in understanding idolatry is that who or what we worship, we become. When we worship God, we reflect His image and likeness. When we worship other things or people, we are not honoring God, advancing His kingdom, or giving Him glory. We can’t expect answers to our prayers if we are not positioned under His authority properly.

  1. Make a list of three things you can do to eliminate the current idols in your life.
  2. Ask a friend or family member to pray with you daily and hold you accountable for dealing with your specific idols.

TAKE THE NEXT STEP

Meditate this week on the following verses: Psalm 135:18 and James 4:3.

 

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Articles

Rediscovering Courtship

by Abby Wetherbee
written by Abby Wetherbee

I was first introduced to the idea of courtship while reading The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler. I was automatically intrigued. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and I really like him. A big focus of ours has been building a relationship the right, God-honoring way.

In our society, dating has become extremely difficult. People are “dating to date,” and turning away from God’s design for a romantic relationship. In order to properly address this topic, we should first define both dating and courtship. Dating is, according to the dictionary, going out with someone in whom one is romantically or sexually interested. On the other hand, courtship is dating with a purpose around people you trust. As a whole, courtship is about approaching relationships in a way that avoids the downfalls and temptations of this broken world. While dating isn’t inherently wrong, there’s a much better way to do it.

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:1-3

While courting will look different in every relationship, there are some basic principles that should always be present in order to avoid pain and temptation. First, courting is more serious than dating. Courtship is only applicable when both people could see their significant other being their permanent spouse. (That doesn’t necessarily mean they will be.) In our culture, relationships are being used as entertainment. People become involved romantically with people they could never see themselves marrying.

Courtship requires community. Dating is full of temptation. Sex before marriage and even sexual activities that “aren’t really sex” have become acceptable and even encouraged in our society. Needless to say, this is not God’s design for romantic relationships. He commands we “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Community helps defeat temptation. It involves going out with each other’s friends, families, or even church groups. Avoid being alone with your significant other, and have an accountability partner on standby. That doesn’t mean you can never be alone. Just be sure it’s in an environment where temptation is minimal, like taking a walk or playing games in the backyard.

Courtship is genuine. By being around people who hold you accountable, the couple gets to know each other in an authentic way. It is not lust-driven. You genuinely like the other person for who they are, not what they can offer you. I’ve found this extremely crucial while being in quarantine due to the Coronavirus. My relationship currently consists of Snapchat, text, and FaceTime, and I love it. I like my boyfriend for who he is as a person, not because of anything physical. He’s constantly making me laugh with his outrageous ideas and stories. Also, when you’re alone with your partner, it is easy to unintentionally put on a front. After all, you want to put your best foot forward so they like you, right? Hanging out around people you’re comfortable with, your family and friends, helps you act like yourself, and allows the other person to see the real you.

Finally, courtship seeks wisdom. When in a relationship it can be so easy to fall head-over-heels “in love” with someone and lose sight of reality. I’ve learned that having people I trust, who are close to me, offer advice helps combat the infatuation. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Additionally, if I’m always around godly friends and family, I have people who have watched the two of us throughout the entire process. They can offer great advice!

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Articles

How Do I Help an Immodestly Dressed Teen at Church?

by Erin Davis
written by Erin Davis

 

There is a girl in church (or group of girls who wear totally inappropriate clothes to church. What do I say? 

Drop Your Stone

For those of us who have grown up in the church, the choices of non-Christians can often be alarming. But we need to stop being surprised when the lost act lost. It’s been my consistent experience that young women usually don’t dress immodestly because they want to ooze sexuality but simply because they don’t understand God’s heart on the issue.

Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear, the Bible encourages us to “wear” the qualities of Christ.

Let’s take a detour to a story that might help us see how to approach that young lady in your church like Jesus would.

In John 8, Jesus encountered a woman whose life was riddled with sexual sin, and she probably looked like it. She had been “caught in the act” of adultery after all. I doubt she had time to throw on modest clothing before she was dragged before Jesus. How does Jesus handle the issue?

First, He deals with the hearts of her accusers.

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (v.7).

Maybe you don’t come in to church wearing a spaghetti-strap top and way-too-short skirt, but did you bring anger, bitterness, resentment, or addiction? Immodesty is an easy-to-spot sin, but don’t come at that girl with judgment or frustration. Wait to approach her until you can do so in love.

Start with the Gospel

After the woman’s accusers realized they had too much of their own junk to make a case against someone else, they slowly slinked away. But that didn’t mean Jesus let the adulterous woman off the hook. He did confront her sin. Titus 2:3–5 gives us permission to speak truth into the lives of young women. Look how Jesus did it:

Jesus: “Has no one condemned you?”
Woman: “No one, Lord.”
Jesus: “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more” (vv. 10–11).

This is the simple, beautiful message of the gospel. There’s no doubt we are all guilty of sin. We can’t cover it up or talk our way out of it. The adulterous woman deserved the punishment the crowd wanted to give her. She was guilty. I deserve the punishment of death that is suitable for sinners. I am guilty. But Jesus offers the woman an exchange. Trade in condemnation for acceptance. Trade in shame for love. Trade in a life of sin to become a new creation.

Does that girl in the pew in front of you know the gospel? Has she turned her life over to Him? Just because she is in church doesn’t mean she has. When you approach her, start with the gospel.

Let’s Figure This Out Together

Long ago, I was a high school history teacher. Maybe that’s why my love for young women is so deep. I believe with my whole heart that middle school and high school girls can change the world.

Back in my teacher days, I had a saying the affected every lesson plan I wrote, “Whoever is doing the work is doing the learning.” Sure, you could download your thoughts on modesty to the young women in your world. They might think it matters. They probably won’t. But if you challenge them to open up the Bible for themselves and to discover God’s heart on this issue (or any issue) without an agenda, you will see them begin to understand.

This requires an important shift. We need to stop asking, “How can we get our girls to dress modestly?” and start asking, “How can we get our girls to be passionate students of God’s Word?” Hebrews 4:12 tells us that God’s Word works like a sword, surgically removing those parts of our hearts that don’t line up with the holiness of God. Which would you prefer? A girl who covers up out of obligation, or a girl who chooses to change because of God’s work in her through His Word?

Let me write your curriculum!

Here are some key verses and thoughts to get you and the girls in your church started.

“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works” (1 Tim. 2:9–10).

This is a passage about what it should look like to be a woman of faith, but it is not a dress code. There’s no hem length mentioned here—no black and white rules about sleeves or no sleeves or the exact right place for a Christian woman’s neckline. In fact, this verse is less about the clothing we wear and more about God’s intention that we clothe ourselves with qualities that reflect Him.

Notice that right after Paul tells Timothy that women should dress modestly and avoid appearances designed to draw attention, he makes it clear what all women of faith should wear—”self-control” and “good works.” Obviously, those aren’t things that hang in my closet. When we talk to girls about the issue of modesty, we need to broaden the conversation to get them thinking about how the ways they present themselves reflect (or don’t reflect) Christ.

This is just a puzzle piece in the bigger picture of God’s heart for modesty presented in His Word:

  • Matthew 6:28–30 tells us not to be preoccupied with clothes, but instead to focus on the things of God.
  • 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 says our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we are to honor God with our bodies.
  • 1 Peter 3:3–4 says that true beauty is internal. Nothing we could ever put on and nothing we could ever take off can give us the kind of true, lasting beauty that comes from Christ working in us.
  • 1 Peter 5:5–6 urges us to clothe ourselves with humility.
  • Proverbs 31:25 describes a woman who is clothed in strength and dignity.
  • Psalm 132:9 talks about being clothed in righteousness.

Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear, the Bible encourages us to “wear” the qualities of Christ. This is why you have to start with the gospel when approaching this issue. No one can wear the qualities of Christ until they have turned their lives over to Him.

Take Her Shopping!

I’m not sure if you’ve ventured into a teenage clothing store in the mall lately, but being a young woman with a commitment to modesty and purity isn’t easy. Marketers aren’t pushing girls toward the “respectable apparel” that Paul mentioned in 1 Timothy but toward the opposite. If the girls in your church are going to live like Christ has called them to in this area, they are going to need reinforcements. Care for her heart, first, through love and Bible study, but then help her give teeth to what she’s learning by venturing with her into the mall with ideas and encouragement.

Yes, modesty matters! But the hearts of the young women in your world matter so much more. Can you swap the adulterous woman found in the story in John 8 with a girl in your world? If so, will you ask the Lord to help you respond to her like He would by sharing the gospel in love?

Originally posted on www.reviveourhearts.com. 


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Articles

Sex, Power and the Church: David and Bathsheba

by Jeff Elkins
written by Jeff Elkins

If you grew up in a conservative evangelical church like I did, it is possible there is a story from the Bible that was repeatedly used to teach you about sex – the story of David and Bathsheba in 2nd Samuel chapters 11 and 12. While our teachers’ intentions were good, the way the story was taught has planted seeds in our minds that have grown into weeds we must now deal with if we are to side with Jesus in the time of #MeToo and #TimesUp. In this short essay, I hope to give you a different understanding of David and Bathsheba, one that doesn’t just focus on sex, but also on power.

The Way I Learned the Story

David has outlasted his predecessor and been crowned king. He has defeated his enemies, he has returned the ark to Jerusalem, and he has constructed his place. He is at the peak of his power and his place in the history books as Israel’s greatest king was secure.

Then, on a Spring night, David took a stroll on the roof of his palace. While walking, he saw a beautiful woman bathing on a neighboring rooftop. He asked his servants to find out who the woman was. They told him it was Bathsheba, the wife of one of David’s soldiers. David sent a servant to get her, he had sex with her, and then he sent her home.

A little while later, Bathsheba sent the king a note that read, “I am pregnant.”

David’s first thought was to cover up that the baby was his. He brought Bathsheba’s husband home from war thinking the man would have sex with his wife while he was on leave, but out of loyalty to his troops who were still on the battlefield, Bathsheba’s husband wouldn’t sleep with her.

When David’s original plan failed, the king told his generals to arrange it so Bathsheba’s husband would die on the battlefield. After the husband was killed, David gave Bathsheba time to mourn before he married her.

This might have been the end of the story, one more political scandal cleaned before it damaged the throne if it had not been for God. In the story, God sent Nathan the prophet to speak to David. Nathan told David a story about two men, a rich man, and a poor man. The rich man had lots of sheep. The poor man had one sheep for which he cared a great deal. One night the rich man needed to feed a traveler. Not wanting to waste his own sheep, the rich man took the poor man’s sheep.

At the end of Nathan’s story, David was angry at the rich man and wanted justice for the poor man. With dramatic flair, Nathan explained to David that David was the rich man and Bathsheba’s husband was the poor man. Nathan then told David that his power would begin to fade because of the terrible thing he has done.

What I Learned in Church about Sex

Growing up in an Evangelical Southern Baptist church, I heard this story at least once a year. My Sunday school teachers and youth leaders pulled it out whenever it was time to talk about sex. It was used as a warning for boys on the dangers of sexual temptation. The central message was, “Have sex before marriage and bad things will happen, like a girl getting pregnant.”

I was told that David’s first mistake was being on the roof at midnight. If David had been in bed like he was supposed to be, this would have never happened.

David’s second mistake was looking for too long. My teachers explained that, Yes, there are beautiful women in the world, but don’t look at them. If you do, sexual temptation might overtake you.” Through this analysis of the story, my teachers gave the power to Bathsheba’s beauty. If lingered on, it would be more than any man could bear.

Above all else, it was important for young men to know that they should never investigate sexual temptation. That was David’s third mistake. He was tempted by Bathsheba’s powerful beauty and he then he dwelled on it. He did the Old Testament equivalent of Googling her. My teachers were clear, “Don’t Google sexual temptation.”

According to this line of teaching, David’s great failure was having sex with Bathsheba. All the other bad things that happened (trying to trick the husband, then killing him, then being lectured by Nathan) were born from the act of sex. If David just hadn’t of given in to his desires, everything would have been alright. It was implied (and sometimes openly stated) that if a man lingers in lustful thoughts, those thoughts will when and the man will fall into sin. The only way to escape such temptation was to run from it.

These teachings stuck with me for a long time. When I was in college, I remember walking through the mall with friends who had come from similar upbringings. As we walked by the Victoria Secret store, we’d talk loudly about how much we liked our shoes. The absurd exercise was a way to acknowledge to everyone around us that we were not going to be like David. We weren’t going to look at Bathsheba. We were going to look at our shoes because the beautiful women advertised in the windows of the store would not tempt us. We were aware that just one lingering glance at a poster could take us down a road that would end in an unwanted baby.

When I started in the ministry as a young adult, I was warned about meeting one-on-one with young women. If a meeting with a woman was necessary, it should not be done in public because people might think the meeting was romantic in nature and that would be bad. It should also not be done in private because then I wouldn’t have accountability for my behavior. I also should not ride to meetings in the same car with a woman, because that could lead to sexual temptation. Honestly, the only way meeting one-on-one with a woman would work is if I did it in my office, with the door open, and another guy was sitting outside just in case. Therefore, in the end, it was best just not to have one-on-one meetings with women unless another guy was around.

Consequences of that Teaching

Now in my forties with young boys of my own, I realize this line of teaching, although well intentioned, planted some bad seeds in my mind.

§  It taught me that David, and all men, were the victims in the story. David was being challenged by powerful temptation, the beauty of a woman, and he understandably failed to resist it. The teaching never went so far as to excuse him from responsibility, but it implied that giving in was the foregone conclusion if he remained exposed to the power of a beautiful woman.

§  It also taught me that Bathsheba and beautiful women like her were tools of temptation. Therefore, they were on the side of temptation. While they weren’t the problem, they weren’t helping. Their beauty was powerful and should be avoided unless appropriate romantic involvement was intended.

§  Finally, it taught me that the perspective that matters was David’s. This story was about him, and it was a tragedy. Poor David had fallen into temptation and lost things because of it. Just think of what an amazing king he might have continued to be if this hadn’t happened to him.

As women have begun to speak out about how they were assaulted, I feel the presence of these teachings in our cultural conversation.

When an allegation arises, we whisper about the women because we can’t help but ask Bathsheba, “Should you really have been bathing on the roof? Don’t you know how dangerous your beauty is for men?” We want to know the man’s side of the story, wondering where his moment of failure came; and after the second or third story is shared, we start asking if this whole thing has gone too far. We question allegations, asking for investigations into them, and then questioning the validity of the investigations when they do happen. We even mourn the loss of the assaulters when they are held accountable, saying things like, “Isn’t it sad that David never reached his full potential as the king because this happened to him.”

The Misuse of Power

Teachings like this version of David and Bathsheba have not served us well. I would, therefore, like to take a different look at the story. One that doesn’t place sex at the center, but focuses on the real issue – the issue we tend to ignore in conversations about sexual assault – power.

Let’s start with Bathsheba since she is the true victim of the story.

Notice that she is never the one taking action.

§  David looks at her.

§  David summons her.

§  David “lays” with her.

§  David tries to trick her husband.

§  David murders her husband.

§  David then marries her.

In contrast to David, she has no power in the narrative. At every turn, she is acted upon. This is not something she chose. This was forced upon her.

Also notice that, excluding a three-word note she writes, Bathsheba is silent in the story. In not giving her a voice, the storyteller is communicating to us that she could not speak. It is a stretch to say that she likely felt denying the king was impossible. He clearly had the power to kill her husband and end her life. She had no choice. Which is why this is not a story about an extra-marital affair. It is a story about sexual assault.

David had all the power. Bathsheba had no power. David abused his power to take what he wanted from Bathsheba.

Yet it is her life that is over. Because David stole her, she loses her home and her husband, and she is forced into a harem she didn’t ask to be a part of. Bathsheba’s life as she knows it ends because David took her.

To hammer this point home, let’s consider Nathan. The prophet speaks for God in the story. God and Nathan do not seem to think the problem is sex. They don’t lecture David about being in the wrong place or letting his eye linger on Bathsheba for too long. When Nathan arrives on the scene to speak to David, he tells a story about power. There was a rich man and a poor man. The rich man took the poor man’s things and this was the great injustice.

Notice also that Nathan does not lecture Bathsheba. He does not hold her accountable for tempting David. He does not criticize her for bathing on the roof. He does not tell her she should have covered up or been more careful. He does not have a story for her about sheep and power. In this story, Nathan sees Bathsheba as the innocent victim that she is. She is the poor man who did nothing wrong.

In Sunday School, we never got to the end of the story, and the end of the story is important.

Before leaving David, Nathan explains that because of David’s sin – his abuse of power over Bathsheba – the baby Bathsheba has given birth to will die.

And then the child gets sick.

And David refuses to eat, lying on the ground in mourning all day and night.

And after seven days, the child dies.

The conclusion of the story is that David is made to feel as powerless as Bathsheba was. Through his abuse of power, he is given a son, an heir, a symbol that his family name will go on; but then he is left to lay on the floor helpless and mourning as he watches that future die, just as Bathsheba had to watch as David destroyed her life.

It is clear to me now, as a grown man with sons, that while this story has sex in it, it is not about sex. It is about power. David had all of it, he used it to sexually assault Bathsheba, and the future she was building was destroyed because of it.

Where Should Christians Stand?

The biggest lesson for me (and the lesson I’m trying to teach my boys is) from the story of David and Bathsheba is about how Christ followers should respond when the story is repeated.

When the course of a person’s life is changed because someone with power abuses it to take what they want, where should the people of God be?

Nathan has two roles in this story.

First, he fearlessly holds power accountable.

David is king. He has armies of warriors at his disposal. He has proven himself to be a mighty warrior in battle. He has all the money, all the fame, all the resources of the kingdom.

Nathan only has his reputation and his integrity. He is the man who speaks for God.

Yet Nathan does not hesitate to look David in the eye and say, “You were wrong. You were wrong and you are going to pay for it.”

If we are going to call ourselves followers of God, we must not hesitate to speak truth to those in power. When they abuse their power (and they will because they always do), we must stand and say, “No. This behavior is unacceptable and it will be made right.”

Second, Nathan stands with the powerless.

After this story, Nathan disappears from the narrative. He doesn’t come back until David is an old man, on his deathbed. And when Nathan appears again, in the first chapter of 1st Kings, we see him standing next to Bathsheba. He encourages her to go to David and advocate for her second son, the son who was born after her life had been reset, Solomon. It is Nathan that orchestrates Bathsheba’s son Solomon becoming king. In the same way, when we see injustice happen, if we want to follow God we must also fight for the empowerment of the victims.

I tell my sons at every opportunity, “If you want to know where God is, find the people with the least amount of power, and go fight for them. You’ll find God there.”

The lesson the story of David and Bathsheba should teach us is not about sex. It’s about power. And if the church of America wants to call itself the people of God, if it wants to play the role of Nathan in the story, then it must fearlessly speak truth to power and stand alongside the victims, because that is where we will find God.

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Sermons

Trading Your Future for Lusts

by Andy Stanley
written by Andy Stanley

We often trade what we’ve decided and what we know is most important for a bowl of stew. What’s true of Esau is true of you. You have no idea what God wants to accomplish through your life. You have no idea what God wants to accomplish in your church, ministry, community. And nobody is going to be standing beside you to help you re-frame the temptation. But God knows and you are going to want to be there. So re-frame and then refrain. But whatever you do, don’t trade your future for a bowl of stew.

WAIT A BRIEF MOMENT FOR mp3 AUDIO TO BEGIN.

From Catalyst Leadership Conference.

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Articles

11 Ways to Heal If You’re Married to a Sex Addict

by Dan Gray
written by Dan Gray

No one goes into marriage with the idea of hurting the other person; however, sometimes circumstances out of our control arise. Pornography and sexual addiction is a serious issue that hurts everyone involved.

As you begin to deal with your spouse’s addiction, you may find yourself asking, what do I do now?

To help you answer those questions, here are 11 important relationship tips to remember as you move forward in your own healing.

1. Don’t isolate. After your learn of your spouse’s addiction, one feeling you might experience is wanting to shut people out and isolate yourself. No matter how hard it is, now is not the time to shut people out of your life.

Build a support group around you, and find your tribe where you can talk openly and share how you’re feeling. The fact is, this is a hard time, one that can leave you questioning not only your relationship, but your self-worth. A therapist, close friend, support group, or spiritual leader are some great resources to turn to as you move forward on this path of recovery.

2. Learn more about addiction. The more you can learn about your spouse’s addiction and why they turned to pornography, you’ll help in your own recovery by understanding their addiction has nothing to do with you. In many cases, spouses of addicts find themselves asking why they weren’t good enough, sexy enough, smart enough, thin enough—the list is endless—and if because of their so called “failings” drove their spouse towards pornography.

The answer to those questions: no, it wasn’t you. Addiction affects the brain by flooding it with dopamine and over time, the user must look at more pornographic images to get the rush. Because of that, addicts become trapped in a repetitive cycle of shame, compulsion, and betrayal.

3. Understand the trauma symptoms. After learning of your spouse’s betrayal, you may experience relational trauma. This is one of the hardest traumas a person endures because it shatters your internal world and leaves you questioning who you can trust. While you’re dealing with this trauma, you may find yourself in a fear cycle of fear, obsession, and control.

You may experience some of the following reactions while in the fear cycle: unhealthy eating, monitoring your spouse’s behavior, self-harm, and isolation. If you’ve found yourself turning towards unhealthy behaviors, now is the time to turn to your therapist, support group, or close friend to open up to on how your feeling. This is also a good time to create your own recovery plan and move forward in practicing self-care.

4. Create your own recovery plan. For those who are struggling with addiction, we recommend the create a Plan Of Recovery. This is equally important for spouses to help them set goals and work through their own healing. Take time to set your boundaries, practice positive self talk, write in a journal, pick up a hobby or learn a new skill; whatever brings you joy and allows you to take some time for yourself. This means putting yourself first—at least for a few minutes each day.

Remember as you move through the healing process, be compassionate with yourself. You are dealing with your own emotions, sense of betrayal, and need time to heal.

5. Finding their own support group and marriage counselor. Sexual addiction counseling is important, even for those struggling to cope with the pornography and sexual addiction of a loved one. During this time, spouses of addicts are dealing with their own emotions of denial, hurt, anger, and guilt.

While working through this difficult time, there are 2 important factors to keep in mind: this is not your fault, and you can overcome this. Remember, you don’t have go through this alone and there are people out there who understand what you’re going through. Take steps today to find help and move forward in your own recovery.

6. Self-care. While you’re moving through the path of recovery, taking time to practice self-care is critical to your healing. This can be particularly harder for women, who tend to have a difficult time putting themselves first, but taking even 5 minutes daily to focus on yourself can do a lot to boost your recovery.

If you’re still struggling with the idea of practicing self-care, consider the words of inspirational coach, Eleanor Brownn: “Self-care is NOT selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” By taking time to indulge in doing something for yourself—reading, writing in a journal, spending time on a hobby—you’re allowing yourself time to recharge and, in the end, will be better able to take care of those in your life.

7. Positive self talk. During this difficult time, you may find your thoughts turning negative and filling with self-blame. This can be devastating to your own recovery and further destroy your sense of self-worth. Instead, practice positive self talk and compassion towards yourself.

Practice your positive affirmations each morning when you get up, and at night right before you go to sleep. It is also recommended you practice your affirmations in front of a mirror. Louise Hay has a lot of great affirmations you can use to help you in your healing. To get you started, here are a few affirmations:

  • I replace my anger with understanding and compassion. I choose forgiveness.
  • I draw from my inner strength and light and take each day at a time.
  • I am a better and stronger person from the hardship I’ve gone through with my family.

8. Set your boundaries. Setting boundaries is an important skill to have for building well-rounded relationships and knowing yourself better. Weigh your limits and create a list of things that make you uncomfortable or stressed in all areas of your life—physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. As you begin to set your boundaries, also include the things you’re willing to compromise on and those you’re not.

9. Connect with community. Sometimes, when you’re feeling lost and have no control of the situation, the best thing you can do is to step away from your problems and help someone else (at least for a little while). Take some time each week or month to go out and volunteer at your local library, shelter, or community center. If you’re unsure where to volunteer, check out to learn of opportunities around your area.

10. Practice open communication. Throughout your healing, communication between you and your spouse is essential. Practice open communication in a non-aggressive way by saying, “This happened and the way it made me feel was…” While you’re having these deeper conversations with your spouse, it’s also equally important for both of you to listen to what the other person is saying. If you’re both fighting to be heard, but not listening to the other how are you going to solve any problems?

11. Be supportive of your spouse. This will take time, but try to be as supportive of your spouse as you can. Remember that they are also healing from pornography and sexual addiction. This is a process and rebuilding trust takes time. During this time, practice being present and not dwell in the past. Instead focus on what is happening now and enjoy the time you’re spending with your spouse, family, and friends.

Pornography and sexual addiction hurts everyone involved and can leave everyone involved numb and unsure where to begin to heal. The key is to take it one day at a time. This is a long and difficult process, but each day you and your spouse have to make the choice to continue in your recovery.

Learn more about the recovery process and steps you can take by downloading our free ebook, The First Step: Taking the First Step Toward Recovery.

www.lifestar.com. Used by permission.

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How to Have Real Faith

by Brie Barrier Wetherbee
written by Brie Barrier Wetherbee

Who is God?  Where did He come from?  Why am I here?  How can a loving God let people suffer?  How could He create Satan and a Hell? What exactly does all this mean and why does it matter?

 

Even if I gave you perfect rational answers to every single question you could think of, it would not completely satisfy your heart and mind.  Why?

 

The fundamental thread running through all of these questions is FAITH.  The questions come from a deep need inside of us to know and trust the truth, and to physically and emotionally experience its reality. 

 

What is faith? 

Most would define it as some kind of belief.  Not deep enough – it IS an intellectual assent – a framework of what we believe to be true.  However, Faith involves knowing with your mind, trusting with your heart, AND experiencing in the rest of your life.  It implies trust and requires action.

 

I have an immune system disorder – I accept that an intravenous treatment exists, and I trust that it is capable of curing my sickness and that I may die if I am not treated.  However, I cannot be cured unless I act upon that trust and take the medicine.  “If I do not, I shall die, accepting and trusting, but having failed to benefit from the resource which could have saved me.” (McGrath)

 

Faith is so much more than a belief – it leads directly into action.   You know, you trust, and then you have to act — you understand this idea

 

The Essence of Faith is in relationship – Our faith defines the way we relate to God, the world, and each other.  It is a framework through which we interpret everything.  Like it or not, an undefined faith shapes the world you see just as much as a defined faith does. 

 

I have now chosen to define my faith matrix with God as Creator.  Through study, I literally can see evidence that points toward Him – i.e. the complexity of Creation, physics’ nanoparticles, chaos theory, and superstrings, the healing capabilities of our bodies, etc.

 

What happens when I encounter a “faith crisis,” a seeming contradiction to the beliefs I hold? 

1.     I search my matrix for answers (the Bible, people I trust, scientific resources)

 

2.     I recognize that science is constantly on the verge of new discovery – what it often holds as absolute truth does change.

 

3.     I respect the unexplainable.  I have witnessed several miraculous events that science could never explain – many people have.  My father had a hole in his heart at 13, and the surgeon came out after the surgery and revealed that the hole was gone.

 

Step of faith – I have chosen my matrix.  There are truly some areas where answers don’t exist.  Why?  I don’t know.  Perhaps because God is infinite and my mind is finite?  However, I am confident that I have sought the answer to the best of my capabilities, and I trust that I have chosen my faith matrix very carefully for times such as this.  It is the way I have chosen to interpret the world.  If I can trust it for that which is easy to understand, I can trust it for that which is hard.

 

So – what is my faith matrix and how did I get it?

 

1.     God is the Creator of this world and of me.  Genesis 1:1-6, 27-29

 

2.     God is intimately, actively involved in the world and in my life.  Psalm 139

 

3.     Because Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, sin entered the world and the human race.  Our relationship with God was broken.  Genesis 3

 

4.     God has designed a plan for redemption, for cleaning up the mess that sin (and us) have made in His creation.  Jeremiah 29:11-13

 

5.     He sent His Son, Jesus, to live a perfect life here on Earth and to die, taking the punishment that we deserved for our sin.  John 3:16-18

 

6.     Jesus rose from the dead, conquering sin and death, and setting us free from the punishment we rightly deserve.  Romans 3:21-26

 

7.     If I believe and trust that this is true, I will be forgiven and set free from my sin.  My relationship with God is restored.  Romans 5:6-11

 

8.     When I die, because my relationship with God is now pure and right, I am able to live with Him in Heaven.  1 John 5:10-13

 

Everything I say, do, and understand is shaped in some way by this matrix.   I have carefully studied and tested each area of this matrix according to biblical truth, historical truth, and the truth from people I trust.  I would encourage you to do the same.  It is only through deep personal exploration of these things that you can move from blind belief to solid faith.

 

Seek out people you trust to ask questions.  You have to have the freedom to seek out the truth for yourself, but sometimes talking with a person who has walked this road before and survived is so helpful.

 

Here’s the deal though – no matter how much you seek, how much you study, you will always face a “leap of faith.”  The gap between the rational and the infinite is still there.  You will have to deal with this and make a decision to believe or to reject.  You cannot ride the fence on this, because a decision to postpone is tantamount to rejection.

 

I read some of this man’s work when I was facing this journey, and this quotation put all my feelings into words so perfectly:

 

Sheldon Vanauken – Yale professor, contemporary of C.S. Lewis

 

“There is a gap between the probable and the proven.  If I were to stake my life on the risen Christ, I wanted proof.  I wanted certainty.  I wanted to see him eat a bit of fish.  I wanted letters of fire across the sky.  I got none of these.  And I continued to hang about on the edge of the gap . . . it was a question of whether or not I was to accept him – or reject the whole idea.  My God!  There was a gap behind me as well!  I hadn’t realized the dichotomy.  Perhaps the leap to acceptance was a horrifying gamble – but what of the leap to rejection?  There might be no certainty that Christ was God – but there was no certainty that he was not.  This was not to be borne.  I could not reject Jesus.  There was only one thing to do once I had seen the gap behind me.  I turned away from it, and I flung myself over the gap toward Jesus.”

 

 

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Why Do Men Binge on Porn? Resources to Help!

by Luke Gilkerson
written by Luke Gilkerson

Understanding the Neuroscience Behind Online Harems

A wife who stumbles on the Internet tracks of her husband’s porn tour is often shocked at the number of images and videos in this cyber harem. Why so many? Why so varied?People, and even some scientific studies, have offered simplistic answers to explain the depth and breadth of a man’s cyber trough, but the real reasons lie in the neurochemistry of our incredible brains.

Simplistic Explanations

A prevalent explanation for the cyber brothel is that guys are acting on their evolutionary impulses to breed as many females as possible. This concept is based on a phenomenon known as the Coolidge Effect, which has been seen in testing a variety of mammals since the 1950s.

The scenario goes like this: a male rat is placed in a cage with a willing female with which he excitedly breeds until he is satiated. Though he’s no longer in the mood with the current female, as soon as another female is introduced he immediately overcomes his boredom and mates with the new gal. He becomes bored again, until a new female is introduced, and the scenario repeats itself until the male rat is physically exhausted.

Some analysts, citing these studies, believe that evolution tells guys, “Get it while the getting is good. You are exposed to a limited number of possible mates on the Savannah of life, so when the opportunity presents itself, take advantage of it.” The same can be said of eating high fat foods and engaging other behaviors that propagate the species or ensures survival. And since this applies to other mammals, it must be all-consuming for people, too.

Similarly, another simplistic explanation is that guys are not designed to be monogamous in the first place. Evolution urged them to roam, find herds of women on the open plain, and compete to mate with as many as possible. That’s why guys skip through a multitude of Internet mates or are constantly targeting new females to breed; they are not designed to find a lifelong mate but to spread their seed far and wide.

One Australian study set men and women in a room and showed them the same porn film 18 times. Initially, they were aroused, but after watching the same movie over and over, they became uninterested. But lo and behold, when a new porn flick was introduced the subjects gained new interest. This test is similar to others, so to some analysts it proves that people get bored with the same mate and need to roam to keep sex interesting.

Advances in understanding

But more and more therapists and neurologists say these studies fall flat.

In his book, The Brain That Changes Itself, Dr. Norman Doidge argues that instincts, like that of the rat, resist change, and that human sexuality is not based on instinct. The human libido isn’t hardwired by biological urges, but rather it is often finicky and altered by an individual’s psychology, experiences, and sexual encounters.

“Much scientific writing implies otherwise and depicts the sexual instinct as a biological imperative, an ever hungry brute, always demanding satisfaction—a glutton, not a gourmet,” Doidge writes (p. 95). “But human beings are more like gourmets and are drawn to types and have strong preferences; having a ‘type’ causes us to defer satisfaction until we find what we are looking for, because attraction to a type is restrictive; the person who is ‘really turned on by blondes’ may tacitly rule out brunettes and redheads.”

Rats are only attracted by sight and scent, said Dr. Doug Weiss, an author of 23 books and a sex addiction therapist in Colorado Springs. But people have many ways to become attracted, such as sharing an affinity toward specific entertainment, politics, ideas, religion, and situations. Their childhoods and adolescence contribute to their sexual desires as do the rest of their experiences in life. People experience emotional and cognitive levels, including fantasy or imagination, that are unavailable to the rat.

“Every guy or gal reading this has seen a man or woman at a distance who they thought was attractive until that person opened their mouth,” Weiss said. “So attraction goes way beyond the physical for human beings.”

As for the studies that suggest familiarity lessens sexual interest, Weiss says, “I think the study is just flawed. There is no control group. It has no validity.”

What would a control group look like? Weiss suggests showing a Charlie Brown cartoon. Lots of people like to watch Charlie at Thanksgiving or Christmas, but show the same film 18 times and just about anyone would grow bored. Then introduce the movie Captain America and watch a group gain interest.

“Show me 12 red blocks and I’ll want to see a blue one,” he said.

So why isn’t one porn image enough?

People learn through life experience to be sexually aroused by body types, places, and situations, and this list of sexual interests can be very short or a mile long.

In the past, a single image would have been enough to arouse a man who now looks at a stream of Internet pornography to maintain the same arousal, says therapist Dr. Peter Kleponis of Integrity Restored. But overtime this man has neurologically attached his brain to be aroused when viewing a wide variety of images and acts.

“He conditions his brain to only really be sexually aroused to this constant parade of different women, of different sexual images,” Kleponis said.

The neuroscience behind porn

Indeed, the variety of porn on the Internet has an appeal. But the reasons behind it are more complex than a rat’s attention to a parade of new mates.

Doidge explains that “human beings exhibit an extraordinary degree of sexual plasticity compared with other creatures” (p. 94). By “plasticity” he means that our brains and our sexuality are molded by our experiences, interactions, and other means of learning, which is why people vary in what they say is attractive or what turns them on. The brain actually creates neural pathways that say a specific type of person or activity is arousing.

This may help explain why men combing through Internet pornography often delay orgasm until they find an image “worthy” of climax.

In fact, some porn addicts have no interest in variety.

“With over 25 years of working with sex addicts, there are some men—and women for that matter—who stick to vanilla, whatever vanilla is,” Weiss said. “They are neurologically attached to vanilla, and they never up that.”

This means some people who use pornography—even addicts—never sink deeper into porn than the models of Playboy or Playgirl.

So what about 32 flavors?

So why do some people who were once programmed for vanilla now entertain many more flavors at the ice cream bar? The brain likes novelty, Kleoponis said, especially if it perceives a possible release of dopamine or other neural chemicals that are natural rewards that provide feelings of comfort or euphoria.

“The immediate attraction will give you a little bit of a rush or a sense of novelty…but that will wear away quickly if it’s not reinforced by the neurological release of masturbation,” Weiss said.

The opiates released during orgasm help seal the deal that this new and novel sexual concept is not only arousing but worth returning for in the future. Add it to the shelf of hot stuff: this one is a keeper. With repeated interaction the arousal becomes more engrained, and with more exploration the brain adds more containers found to be exciting, even things a person once found disgusting.

Porn websites generate catalogs of common kinks and mix them together with images. Sooner or later the surfer finds a killer combination that presses a number of his sexual buttons at once. Then he reinforces the network by viewing the images repeatedly, masturbating, releasing dopamine and strengthening these neural networks. He has created a kind of “neosexuality,” a rebuilt libido that has strong roots in his buried sexual tendencies. Because he often develops tolerance, the pleasure of sexual discharge must be supplemented with the pleasure of an aggressive release, and sexual and aggressive images are increasingly mingled—hence the increase in sadomasochistic themes in hardcore porn (p. 112, The Brain That Changes Itself).

Why have pornographers added so much aggression and violence to today’s porn? Because they are trying to keep their customers satisfied. But apparently, it’s never enough.

Can’t get no satisfaction

So if a human masturbates to a wider range of images or videos, does that satiate? The simple answer is no.

Dr. Doidge explains that porn is more exciting than satisfying because humans have two separate pleasure systems in our brains: one for exciting pleasure and another for satisfying pleasure. The “exciting system,” fueled by dopamine and anticipation, is all about appetite, such as imagining your favorite meal or a sexual episode.

The satisfying system involves actually having the meal or having sex, which provides a calming, fulfilling pleasure. This system releases opiate-like endorphins, that provide feelings of peace and euphoria.

Pornography, Doidge writes, hyperactivates the appetite system. But the satisfying system is left starvingfor the real thing, which includes actual touching, kissing, caresses, and a connection not only with the body but also the mind and soul. The satisfying system releases oxytocin and endorphins that says, “Ain’t nothing like the real thing, Baby.”

In a nutshell, porn is so addictive because:

  • the variation of porn online exposes men to more and more body types and scenarios;
  • through masturbation a man bonds neurologically;
  • these types and scenarios are added to the list of stimuli that his brain learns is exciting and they are associated with a neurochemical reward;
  • the neural pathways are formed that make the excitement easier;
  • and yet his appetite system is better fed than his satisfying system leaving him hungry for more.

Want to learn more?

Neurologist Dr. William Struthers, author of Wired for Intimacy, talks at length about porn addiction and the brain in this detailed interview, filmed at the Covenant Eyes headquarters.

Here is more helpful information from Covenant Eyes.

Internet Pornography: A Ministry Leader’s Handbook—This free e-book, written by pastors and counselors, helps ministers who struggle with pornography understand the importance of confession and accountability. It addresses why pastors are particularly vulnerable to pornographic temptations and what should be done to bring this truth into the light.

10 Stories of Pastors in the Struggle — Read, watch, and listen to the stories of pastors who have struggled deeply with porn and sex addiction and how God set them free.

PornToPurity.com — Jeff and Marsha Fisher were church planters until Jeff’s porn addiction came to light. After he was removed from church leadership and found help in overcoming his sin, he started PornToPurity.com, a website for anyone trapped in sexual temptations.

Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, by Michael John Cusick — Michael was sexually abused and exposed to pornography as a child. Later in life, serving as both a youth pastor and a counselor at a Christian university, his sexual struggles only became more acute with porn and prostitutes. This book talks about what he learned in the midst of recovery

Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey Through Sex Addiction, by T.C. Ryan — Pastor Ryan had a lifelong struggle with sexual addiction and secrecy. This book shares his story of learning to let the gospel of Christ transform him into a man who can be open, honest, and unashamed before God and his Christian family.

Breaking the Silence: A Pastor Goes Public About His Battle with Pornography, by Bernie Anderson — Bernie Anderson battled behind closed doors with pornography for years. In this book, Anderson tells his personal story of struggle and how God changed his life, giving practical tips to protect yourself and your family.

My Struggle, Your Struggle, by David Erik Jones — Pastor Jones struggled with porn as a pastor. This book is his personal story of porn addiction that lasted 20 years and how he found freedom while serving in the ministry.

Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn’t Good Enough, by Justin and Trisha Davis — Justin didn’t just struggle with porn. As a pastor, he also began an affair with another church staff member. This book shares Justin and Trisha’s story and how their marriage recovered.

The Pornography Trap, by Dr. Mark Laaser and Ralph Earl, Jr. — This book addresses what should be done when ministry leaders (pastors, deacons, choir directors, Sunday school teachers, etc.) struggle with Internet pornography. The authors share the core issues related to sexual sin and how to develop a biblical view of healthy sexuality.

Restoring the Soul of a Church, edited by Dr. Mark Laaser — This book from the The Interfaith Sexual Trauma Institute describes the devastation that can happen to a church congregation when a pastor sexually sins and is removed from the church. It gives insight about the neglected secondary victims of abuse: the congregation, the wider community, other clergy, the wider church, the offender’s family, and the pastor who takes over.

Stone Gate Resources — Dr. Harry Schaumburg has been counseling Christian men and women about sexual and relational brokenness for years—with a special emphasis on caring for pastors and ministry leaders caught in sexual sin. His intensive counseling is known around the world as one of the best for sexual addiction.

ThrivingPastor.org — This is a ministry of Focus on the Family for pastors, including apastoral care line for ministers who need to speak with a trained counselor.

8 Resources for Ministry Leaders Who Want to Equip Their Church

Porn-Free Church: Raising up gospel communities to destroy secret sins — This free e-book is for church leaders who want to create a safe community where taboo sins can be confessed and people can find healing.

False Love and True Betrayal — This video series by Summit Church is designed for small groups or recovery groups focused on the pain caused by sexual sin. False Love walks men and women who struggle with sexual sin through a step-by-step process of repentance and restoration. True Betrayal walks spouses of sexual strugglers through the same process as they overcome the pain of sexual betrayal.

Pornography Statistics: Annual Report — This conglomeration of more than 250 stats, quotes, and facts about pornography can help any pastor preparing to teach others about this subject.

A Bird’s Eye View of Lust and Pornography — This free sermon series can give pastors a place to start for talking with their congregations about pornography in a way that is biblically sound and practically helpful.

Fight Porn in Your Church: What works and why it matters — This free white paperfrom Covenant Eyes looks at how real churches are addressing the issue of pornography and gives practical ideas for programs churches can implement today.

Confessing Sin: How Matt Chandler preaches a culture of grace — Matt Chandler of Village Church understand that church leader set the pace when it comes to being open about sin. In this sermon clip, Chandler talks about not being afraid to be honest about sin and being vigilant to fight it.

The Quick Reference Guide to Sexuality & Relationship Counseling, by Dr. Mark Laaser and Dr. Tim Clinton — This book gives pastors, counselors, and everyday believers the information they need to help congregants, clients, and friends with their most intimate sexual and relational issues.

Join1MillionMen.org — This movement, spearheaded by Pastor Jay Dennis, is equipping church leaders nationwide to bring the issue of pornography into the light where church members can find help and healing.

Reprinted from Covenant Eyes. Luke Gilkerson. Used by permission.

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Marks of Biblical Modesty

by Luke Gilkerson
written by Luke Gilkerson

Is the Word of God that should drive our discussions about modesty. What has God revealed about it?

First and foremost, a biblical definition of modesty must focus on the heart. Modesty is primarily about our motivations. In addition, modest dress is also about discernment, having an awareness of others and our environment.

Modern Modesty Controversies

In a recent conversation, a woman I spoke with seemed deeply offended when I suggested a woman’s manner of dress could tempt a man to lust. She wasn’t denying the claim that men lust after women, but she was emphatic that women are not to blame for a man’s lustful thoughts and actions.

She’s right, of course. A person is never guilty of another person’s sin.

This woman’s protest is, in part, motivated by a desire to fight various rape myths in our culture. When a girl dresses scantily, goes to a college party, gets drunk, makes out with a dozen guys, and then is raped, for some there is a tendency to say, “Well, she was just asking for it.” This kind of victim-blaming, sadly, leads some to temper any compassion for such women when they are abused.

Let’s be clear: victims of rape are not guilty of their rape. The girl who walks across campus at 2 a.m. and gets assaulted is not to blame for the crime committed against her. Similarly, victims of another’s lust do not thereby mean a woman is guilty of lust. She should never be made to account for another person’s sin.

Where then does modesty fit into the Christian ethic?

Paul on Modesty: 1 Timothy 2:8-10

“I desire…that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.“

Christian women should concern themselves with modesty because the Bible does. This text is a primary example.

(For the purposes of this article, I am writing about women because Paul is writing about women in these verses. I recognize that men should also embrace modesty.)

1. Modesty is not anti-pretty

At the outset, we should take note that Paul is not anti-adornment. The force of his statement is positive: “women should adorn themselves.” These are not the words of an anti-fashion prude. The same word “adorn” is used to speak of a bride beautifying herself for her husband (Revelation 21:2). It is a term that expresses being ornamented, well-kempt, and put in order.

The question for Paul isn’t about whether a woman should ornament her body, but how.

2. Modesty is about who you worship

In the context, Paul is talking about how women should prepare themselves for gathering at church. Women are commanded to adorn themselves in a way that is fitting for worship. If they “profess godliness”—that is, they desire to show God honor and reverence—how should they dress?

Paul puts his finger on the trigger of the problem. In Ephesus, the original destination of this letter, the cultural elite were known for their gaudy and extravagant wardrobes, their elaborate hair styles, and their expensive clothing that communicated extraordinary wealth. Paul paints a picture of this for the Ephesians Christians and says, “Don’t mimic that. When you come to church, come dressed in a way that shows you desire to the attention to be on God, not yourself.”

A person’s manner of dress, or even their preoccupation with clothing itself (Matthew 6:28-30), is often indicative of a heart that loves self more than God.

3. Modesty is about behavior and attitude, not just clothing

When Paul says that women should wear “respectable apparel,” the term “apparel” is probably translated too narrowly: it is a term that encompasses not just clothing, but one’s whole demeanor, attitude, and actions.

Ultimately, what should adorn a woman is not just clothing but “good works.” As Christians, we are being remade by God for good works (Ephesians 2:10). Christ died so that we might be zealous for good works (Titus 2:14). Women should seek to dress their lives in works that do good to others, marked with godly love.

This means modesty is not simply about what we wear, but how we act, how we communicate, and how relate to others.

4. Modesty shows sensitivity to sin

In this text Paul says a woman’s apparel should be worn with “modesty.” Other translation opt for the word “decency.” The King James Version translates this “shamefacedness,” which gets more to the heart of the word.

It is talking about a demeanor of reverence, showing respect to oneself and a regard for others. It even carries the connotation of “bashful.” Connected to the term “shame,” the word implies the idea of grief over sin that is in the world—that a woman would be so sensitive to sin, knowing that sin is offensive to God, that she would never come close to trying to provoke it in others.

No, a woman is not guilty of a man’s lust if she dresses with the intention to allure him. Let him account for his sins. But she is guilty of a lack of shamefacedness, for treating sin lightly. A heart of modesty is motivated by a love for one’s fellow man.

5. Modesty involves cultural discretion

Paul didn’t just paint broad strokes when talking about modesty; he gave specifics. He said braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire were out of place for a truly modest woman.

Some knowledge of Roman culture is helpful for understanding what Paul is saying. In Paul’s day, Greek hairstyles for women were fairly simple: hair was parted in the middle and pinned in the back. But a culture change was sweeping the region. Women in the imperial household were wearing their hair with elaborate curls and braids, covered in expensive ornaments. The elite throughout the empire copied this style.

For Paul, the appearance of braids and ornaments was more about what the fashion communicated. They carried connotations of imperial luxury and conjured up images of notoriously immoral Empresses like Valeria Messalina and Poppeaea Sabina, ancient equivalents of Cosmopolitan cover girls.

The poet Juvenal, a contemporary of Paul, gives a vivid description of this cultural trend:

“There is nothing that a woman will not permit herself to do. Nothing that she deems shameful. And when she encircles her neck with green emeralds and fastens huge pearls to her elongated ears, so important is the business of beautification. So numerous are the tiers and stories piled one another on her head that she pays no attention to her own husband.”

Similarly, the philosopher Philo gives a description of a prostitute in his writing called “The Sacrifices of Cain and Abel”:

“A prostitute is often described as having hair dressed in elaborate braids, her eyes with pencil lines, her eyebrows smothered in paint and her expensive clothes embroidered lavishly with flowers and bracelets and necklaces of gold and jewels hanging all over her.”

Paul’s description of immodest dress conjured a picture of someone preoccupied with appearance, fashion, luxury, and sexual prowess. Similarly, modern modesty standards are not about arbitrary rules of how much skin is shown or how low-cut something is, but about the messages and values our clothing communicates.

6. Modesty is about true freedom, not repression

More often than not, modesty standards are seen as repressive, arbitrary rules that restrict a woman’s creativity and freedom. But when modesty is motivated from the heart, the exact opposite is true.

Paul says women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel with “self-control.” This might be better understood as “self-mastery,” being of sound mind or sober, being in control of one’s impulses and appetites. In extra-biblical literature, this word has sexual nuances: being able to totally control your romantic and erotic desires.

Habitual immodesty is often, though not always, a kind of slavery. A woman may be enslaved by her desire to attract a man. She might define her worth by her fashion sense, her sex appeal, her image, her bust size, her weight, or the brand names she wears. This kind of slavery is widespread because sin impacts us all, and in today’s sexually charged, media-saturated culture, many women fall prey to this kind of slavery.

But as Christians we are free from the slavery of sin because we are united to Christ. Paul exhorts us to live out this freedom: “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions” (Romans 6:12). When it comes to modest dress, we can follow Paul’s next statement quite literally: Do not present the members of your body to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present your members to God as instruments for righteousness (v.13). Paul wants Christian woman to have self-mastery in their wardrobe choices, to be totally free from worldly ways of defining worth, beauty, and sexiness.

Ironically, it is not just those who are scantily dressed that are enslaved, but even those who pride themselves on their modesty. “Modest is hottest,” they say, unaware that in their own hearts, they are still enslaved to a preoccupation with their physical image, still defining their worth by their outward adornment.

Defining Modesty

Taken together, these aspects of modesty help to give us a working definition. Modesty is a respectable manner of adorning one’s body and carrying oneself, born out of a freedom from a worldly definition of beauty and worth, and motivated by a hatred of sin and a desire to draw attention to God.  

When it comes to the subject of modest clothing, the first question we should ask ourselves is: What am I trying to accomplish by what I wear?

Taken from covenanteyes.com. Used by permission. 

 

 

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The Allure of Lust: David and Bathsheba

by Daniel Chun
written by Daniel Chun

King David’s affair shows us that we all are vulnerable. Remember that you are weaker than you think you are. Run. Avoid tempting situations and redirect your energies, especially if pornography is involved. Find someone who fought the same temptations and secure their help. Confess to God and receive His strength, wisdom and forgiveness.

Preached at First Presbyterian Church of Honolulu. Used by permission.

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Playing God: Andy Crouch on Culture, Power and Institutions

by Gabe Lyons
written by Gabe Lyons

We hear a lot of discussion in the church about how we should be engaging culture. What are we talking about, when we talk about culture?

I think the best way to think about cultures is not just one set of things like the arts, or like all the things in the world that bother us. Sometimes people talk about “the culture” and what they’re really thinking of is movies that bother them, or music whose lyrics they don’t like. Culture is way more than that, and I think the best way to think of it is everything that human beings make of the world. That includes the arts—it includes movies, television and film. But it also includes buildings, and clothing and food. It’s all of human activity, trying to make something of the world—make stuff, but also makes sense of the world. It’s the human quest to make something of the world.

I think you could identify a few things. One: Whatever we would say about culture would have to be good. The gospel is good news, so we have to be able to say something good. What is the good news about culture? Frankly, too often when Christians talk about culture they tell you the bad news about culture, but they don’t tell you anything that would frame culture in a hopeful way. So is there something good here?

Secondly, is has to be news. So it has to be good, and it has to be news, and that means this has to arrive as something we couldn’t have figured out on our own, something we have to be told about in order to fully grasp. We couldn’t have just figured out from looking at the world around us. A messenger has to say: “You know what? There’s a new way to look at what you’ve already been doing.”

I think that leads to the third thing which is, for Christians the gospel means the ultimate story of the world is not about us. It’s not about our effort, it’s not about our achievement, our striving—it’s about another who has done something that has opened up life for us that we couldn’t have accessed on our own. And of course, when we think of culture, we usually think of what human beings do. So the question is, is there Another—capital A, Another—who is at work in the world, and in culture, in ways that bring good news to us?

And I think that leaves the fourth criterion for the Gospel. The Gospel is a story of sacrifice. It’s about God entering into the worst of human life, not just the best parts. So how does our story of culture lead us to the very heart of the brokenness of the world, and the self-giving of God for the world? If you can tell a story that’s good, that’s news, that’s about Another giving Himself for the world, then I think you have the Gospel, and I think you can tell a story in those terms.

What does that progression look like, when we think about culture and what it’s meant to do?

The great thing is from the very first verse of the first chapter of the Bible, you’re already getting good news about culture. So, that is to say, you’re getting good news about God first, and then God’s image bearers making something of the world. God doesn’t start with anything; God creates out of nothing, and after God creates and speaks, you get this refrain: God saw it was good. It’s also news; There’s a Creator. This world is not eternally existent, it didn’t come from nowhere, there’s actually a name for the Maker of this world. The culmination of Genesis 1 and that whole kind of liturgy of creation is the creation of human beings, male and female, in the image of God. And once they’re in the creation, God says it’s not just good—which he said six times, six days—but now at the end of the sixth day there’s this bonus round, and now the world is very good. So the first part of the story is from good to very good. And I would say, the reason human beings are in the world, from God’s point of view, is to unfold all the goodness of the world and actually make it “very good,” through culture.

We get to anticipate the remaking of the world. And again, it’s gospel, so it’s about Another. We are not just going to gradually make the world better and better until it’s beautiful. But we do get to participate in this culture making. Not just of goodness or very-goodness, but glory.

Can you give us some hopefulness for the Church in 2013? What do we look like as Imagebearers?

The good news is God has not left us to ourselves in idolatry and injustice. And in fact, the true image has been restored in the world. Most of all, first of all, in Jesus. Jesus is the true Imagebearer. Those of us who follow him lose our lives—our messed-up, idolatrous lives—we die to that, and we’re taken up by his life. So in as much as we now live his life, not just our own, then we can expect to happen what was originally supposed to happen as a result of the image-bearers. Which, in a word, is flourishing. So I think the test of image-bearing really is flourishing. You know the image is being borne in some way when other people, and indeed the whole created order flourish. What is flourishing? It’s abundance of life. It’s diversity, it’s teeming, it’s stuff you could never have predicted. Flourishing places have this sort of unpredictable wildness about them. When Imagebearers are really leading and serving in the way that they’re supposed to, you find there’s this unpredictable abundance. People create things they wouldn’t have created. They start businesses, they come up with recipes in a restaurant, they come up with new games to play out on the playground in an elementary school. That’s all flourishing, and that comes from image-bearing.

Do you see a trend of more engagement happening among Christians in cultural channels?

Let me put it this way: The 25 percent of the best news about what Christians are creating and cultivating and the way they’re doing it in partnership with neighbors who don’t share their faith is so encouraging. When I think about cities around the U.S. where churches are working in much more intricate and well-thought-out partnerships with civic leaders, with business—that is happening in a more robust way, certainly than in my lifetime, and I would argue in the last 100 years. Now there’s another side to this, which is, we’re in the middle of a great institutional decline in our culture. Not just Christian institutions, but institutions generally. Institutions are reservoirs and repositories of a certain kind of capacity. And those are ebbing away, including Christian institutions. And when they ebb away it gets a lot harder to act in broad, effective ways. So the bigger picture is more challenging, but the best of what I see is so amazing.

Andy Crouch is the author of Playing God and Culture Making: Recovering Our Creative Calling,winner of Christianity Today’s 2009 Book Award for Christianity and Culture and named one of the best…

Used by permission of Gabe Lyons and Q Ideas.

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Cosmic Christmas: An Angel’s Story

by Max Lucado
written by Max Lucado

Christmas is full of cozy thoughts: a sleeping Jesus, wide-eyed shepherds, a soft-faced Mary. The nativity sentiment is warm, the emotion is joy, and the feeling is peace. Such is the picture in the gospels of Matthew and Luke. In John’s Book of Revelation, however, he offers another perspective. From his perspective, the birth of Jesus stirs more than excitement; it stirs evil.

Pulling back the curtain of the skies, he reveals a bloody war in the heavens. John sees a woman, ready to give birth. He sees a dragon, ready to bring death. The woman is beautiful and the dragon ugly. The dragon lunges at the newborn child, but he is too late. The child and the mother are granted safety and then “there was a war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back” (Rev. 12:7 NIV).

“A war in heaven.” I’ve wondered about that war: when it occurred, who it involved, what it meant.

Cosmic Christmas is the result of those wonderings.

Several colleagues have stirred my imagination. Eugene Peterson stretched me through his study of the Book of Revelation, Reversed Thunder. Some time ago I read an article by Philip Yancey which broadened my thinking (“Cosmic Combat,” Christianity Today, December 12, 1994). I am indebted to the creative pen of David Lambert for his story, “Earthward, Earthward, Messenger Bright.” This piece, which appeared in the December, 1982 issue of Moody Monthly, offered a fresh, creative approach to the Christmas story. That approach sparked with this writer and led ultimately to the development of Cosmic Christmas.

I’m equally appreciative to Steve Green, Karen Hill, Liz Heaney and the wonderful team at Word for your incredible support.

Parts of Cosmic Christmasare fiction—fruits of my imagination. Other parts of the story, however, are true. Whether or not you like the fiction is insignificant. But whether or not you see the truth is essential.

Scripture, for example, says nothing of a vial containing the essence of Christ, an arch demon named Phlumar, an angel named Sophio, or several of the other characters and events about which you just read. Scripture is, however, very
clear that “our fight” is not against people on earth but against the rulers and authorities and the powers of this world’s darkness, against the spiritual powers of evil in the heavenly world” (Eph. 6:12 NCV).

The Bible doesn’t refer to angels trapped in nets or Satan sweet-talking Gabriel. The Bible is clear, though, that Satan is real and his life purpose is to ‘be like God Most High” (Isa. 14:1-4).

God’s creation is divided into two camps: those who follow God and those who follow Satan. Satan is the energizing power of the unsaved (Eph. 2:2) and God is the energizing power of the saved (Phil. 2:15). The saved are to live aware of but not afraid of Satan. The devil prowls about as a lion looking for someone to devour (I Pet. 5:8). But the believer need not live in horror, because “greater is he who is in you, than he that is in the world” (I John 4:4 KJV). We must put on the armor of God to fight against “the devil’s evil tricks” (Eph. 6:11) and remember that Satan disguises himself as “an angel of light” (II Cor. 11:13).

Our weapons against Satan are the same as those used by Gabriel and the angelic army: prayer, praise, truth, and trust. We do not rely upon our own strength, but upon God’s. “So stand strong, with the belt of truth tied around your waist and the protection of right living on your chest. On your feet wear the Good News of peace to help you stay strong. And also use the shield of faith with which you can stop all the burning arrows of the Evil One. Accept God’s salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times…” (Eph. 6:14-18).

Finally, the Bible tells no story of a throne room encounter where Lucifer is offered a second chance. But the Bible does contain page after page showing God giving grace to the scallywags and turncoats of the world. He seems more willing to give grace than we are to seek it. Such divine love leaves me to wonder one thing more: If the old snake himself sought mercy, wouldn’t he, too, find it where millions have—at the foot of the cross of Christ?

John’s description of the “war in the heavens” doesn’t answer all our questions, but it does answer the most important. He tells us who won. God did. He also tells us who matters. You do. Imagine, if God will fight such a fight to save you…He must really think you are worth the effort. Though we may wonder about the war that occurred, there is no need to wonder about His love…He really cares about His children.

Support the nonprofit ministry of UpWords with your purchase of An Angel’s Story from our online Max Lucado Store. Used by permission.

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WHY Did We Adopt a Stripper? Life Change!

by Julie Barrier
written by Julie Barrier

We collected troubled teenage girls like stray puppies. As pastor and wife, we always wanted our home to be a safe haven. After all, we had raised two daughters and three girl doggies, so we were accustomed to a house full of estrogen. Sandy Stoker was the first of our “foster brood.” Her house burned down, her dad deserted the family and Sandy needed a place to park for awhile. Sixteen-year-old Sandy was 4’11” and 89 pounds soaking wet. She scarfed groceries like a trucker. When our newest family member arrived home from school, she asked, “Where’s the beef?” I joined Costco in self-defense and purchased steaks in bulk. Sandy didn’t know Jesus, and our love for her opened her heart. Our petite fireball graduated high school and attended the University of Hawaii to study marine biology. Thank God there were a lot of “fish in the sea.” We knew Sandy would be well fed.

 

Sandy was the first of a long line of disenfranchised adolescents who parked on our orange sectional, sucked down our Dr. Peppers, and swam in our pool. Most of them needed a happy home base and a listening ear. But a few ran into our arms for safety from abusive dads, alcoholic moms and absentee caretakers.

 

Sherry was one of those deeply troubled “lost sheep.” Most of her classmates assumed Sherry led a charmed life. She was blue-eyed, beautiful and brilliant. Sherry served in one of my youth mission teams. She also attended my weekly Bible study for budding young church leaders. Three months into Philippians, Sherry lingered behind the others and began to sob uncontrollably. She told us her dad was a raging alcoholic and her mom was a typical abused wife, turning a blind eye to the angry outbursts and lying words Dad doled out to the kids. After talking with her folks, we discovered her family was not quite the dysfunctional, disastrous mess Sherry made it out to be. But her Mom, in desperation, asked if we could take Sherry for awhile and see if we could help her through the “troubled waters” of hurt she experienced.

 

That dark, damp Sunday night, I drove Sherry home. We packed her belongings (with her mother’s blessing) and moved her into our daughter’s pink bedroom. Our youngest, Bronwyn, was studying abroad for the school year, so Sherry settled in for the spring semester. We loved having an “adopted daughter” once again! Sherry returned home from school every day about the same time I finished work at church. We plopped on Bronie’s bed, shared a brownie and talked about her day. Sherry whipped out her science exam with an A+ at the top and I’d jump for joy. Occasionally raging hormones sent Sherry into a funk, so we prayed together and hit the mall for some retail therapy.

 

My husband Roger played a pivotal role in Sherry’s life. Sherry never felt her dad would listen patiently and sympathetically. The two chatted for hours about the Bible, boys and her dreams for the future. I even tucked her into bed at night, feeling pleased at her progress and peace. When I chatted with Sherry’s mom, she seemed relieved that Sherry had a chance to repair some of her childhood wounds.

 

One spring Saturday morning, everything changed. Sherry was at soccer practice with some friends. I stumbled down the hallway with an armload of crisp, clean laundry to stuff into Sherry’s closet. I hung the freshly washed jeans and opened her lingerie drawer to stack her clean underwear. As I closed the closet door, I spied three photos on the floor by her shoes.

 

Sherry was nude, dancing seductively for a sea of onlookers. She looked stoned and smug. So that’s why our girl always had a little spending money…. We thought she worked at McDonald’s flipping burgers three nights a week. An embossed business card lay next to the vulgar snapshots with the name Fascination Fantasies printed on the card along with a street address and phone number.

 

Nauseated and heartsick, my hands trembled as I dialed the number and asked for the manager. “Hello. This is Julie Barrier,” I stammered, still choking from the shock of those images burned on my brain. “Is Sherry Smith currently in your employ? I asked, hoping the answer would be no.

 

“Who wants to know?” he gruffly queried.

 

“I am her guardian, housemother, friend….” Who was I really? Before I could answer that question, the manager chuckled, “Yep, Sherry is one of our best. She’s been at Fascination for three months. What a charmer!”

 

“What exactly does she do?”

 

The manager belly-laughed. “She makes our clients VERY happy.”

 

I dropped the phone and collapsed on the bed in a heap. I wept in disbelief and wanted to put my fist through the wall all at the same time. How could I have been so deceived?

 

Roger was mowing the grass in the backyard. I called him inside and related the sordid details of the double life Sherry was leading. Roger was speechless, and preachers seldom find themselves at a loss for words. The blow wouldn’t have been so painful if we hadn’t loved and trusted her so much.

 

“We have to confront her,” Roger said firmly. “How do we handle this-do we ask her to confess, to leave our home or send her to a professional counselor? Do we get her Mom involved in this process?” Before we completed our conversation, Sherry breezily burst through the front door to grab a sweater and say hello.

 

Before we could utter a word, Sherry saw the photos and the business card on the dresser. Her jaw dropped and she said nothing. She ran down the hall, slammed the carport door and raced to her car. Roger tried to follow her outside, but Sherry sped away, burning rubber on the driveway. We tried her cell phone. We called her Mom, her best friend, even her boss. Sherry was nowhere to be found!

 

Saturday evening after dinner, Roger and I left for church to make final preparations for Sunday. As we prayed in the front row of the empty sanctuary, I was furious with God and angry at Sherry. I felt duped and used. Roger tried to comfort me, but he wasn’t in the mood to be much help. Nevertheless, sick with worry, we prayed for Sherry’s safety and hoped for the best.

 

I returned home and headed toward the bedroom, hoping to find a contrite girl or at least a note of apology and a promise to return home soon. Instead, the room was picked clean. Sherry’s clothes and books were gone. All of my daughter Bronwyn’s jewelry and her favorite furry coat were missing. We were too traumatized to call the police. Besides, Sherry just turned eighteen and she was legally an adult.

 

Months passed. No word came from Sherry or her mom. Our precious “foster child” was nowhere to be found. My view of the innate goodness of man (or woman, in this case) became jaded and cynical. Roger and I stopped “adopting” stray children for a long time.

 

Two years later, Sherry showed up for a Sunday morning service. Roger was so shocked that he almost lost his place in his sermon notes. We hustled away from the “after church” crowd and tried to catch her. Once again, Sherry was invisible.

 

Three years later, Sherry walked down the aisle of the church and stretched out her hand to me. “I’m so sorry,” she confessed. “I know I hurt you, but I’ve gotten my act together. I’m clean and I’m studying pre-med at the university. Can you forgive me?”

 

All the Bible verses of forgiveness flooded my mind. Jesus’ parable of the ungrateful debtor, Mary Magdalene’s pardon from a checkered past, Peter’s “seventy times seven” question and Jesus’ compassionate absolution of the adulterous woman reminded me of the godly response. “Yes, of course,” I begrudgingly replied. There. I did it. I forgave her like a model pastor’s wife. But I was still steamed by her betrayal and deception.

 

I learned a lot about myself that sunny Sunday when Sherry reached out her hand to ask for forgiveness. I was arrogant to assume that a few months of “godly rehab” in our home would overshadow years in a dysfunctional home. I remembered that the Word of God is like a SEED. It may require years to take root and bear fruit. God alone changes our lives, and He works on His perfect timetable.

 

God wasn’t finished with Sherry. She was searching for direction and meaning in life. Our preschool director took Sherry under her wing and mentored her. Sherry began to teaching toddlers about Jesus. Her love for those little ones gave Sherry a brand new focus. Sherry’s faith has grown. And grown. And grown! Now Dr. Sherry stands by the bedsides of little children, prays for them and restores them to health.

 

 

 

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He Sees Dollars, She Sees Sense: The Brain and Money

by Caroline Leaf
written by Caroline Leaf

Before I launch into this blog, I want to remind you that a difference between a man and a woman is not a value judgement; it does not expose weakness between males and females, rather it celebrates uniqueness.

So now let me tell you about a great structure that we (males and females both!) have in the brain called the insula. The insula helps translate physical sensations and thoughts in our subconscious mind into conscious thoughts with attached emotions. So working with the rest of the brain, the insula helps us anticipate what something will feel like before it happens, like the proverbial “gut-feel” or “6th-sense”.

The insula is larger in the female, which makes ladies more sensitive to existing and anticipated situations. A woman will quickly, for example, draw on past memories of financial situations (or any situation for that matter!) and bring them into the present scenario, which almost collapses time, making it more difficult for her to take risks. The male insula, on the other hand, is more geared to strategically reading the environment and actions, making it easier for him to take risks. These are complementary ways of thinking things through, so neither males or females alone will have the full answer; together we are exponentially better! A woman predominately provides the emotional colour and details, while a man predominantly provides the strategy and action.

Another area of the brain called the Anterior Central Gyrus (ACG) enables men and women to shift between thoughts, weigh up options and make predictions. The ACG is bigger in a female, which enables her to integrate and consider many scenarios; this is assuming she is not harboring toxic thoughts, in which case she will get “stuck” in an event or thought pattern. Men’s ACGs are smaller and operate in a more focused manner, getting “bottom-line-big-picture” information quickly. If a man is operating from toxic thoughts, he will not weigh up options sufficiently and will act too quickly. Thus, the smaller ACG helps men see reason and logic quicker, and the larger ACG in women helps them see detail and emotional nuance quicker–both are important in any decision making and in life!

So when we combine these two opposite, but nevertheless equal, types of thought and apply it to financial investment–whether it is between husband and wife or business colleagues–the best investment can be achieved.

This last week has been a fascinating mix: a TV taping with James and Betty Robison on the male and female approaches to finances; Praise the Lord’s doctors’ night with Matt and Laurie Crouch; a doctor’s seminar for TBN; a taping about Toxic thinking with Leo Shreven from All Power Seminars; training and filming teachers in my “Switch on your Brain Classroom”…whew, now I think it’s time to breath!

However, what struck me when I was considering these interviews and seminars was how experts are teaming up to speak about current global issues like finances, education, and our mental and physical health and providing information on how to manage these integral parts of our lives. In this process I, once again, have had the incredible opportunity to work with some amazingly talented and extraordinary individuals and, in doing so, was challenged to provide a neuroscientific perspective.

I really felt impressed to share a little of this information over the next several blogs because I believe it will help you as much as it has helped me. I am going to start in this blog sharing a little on males, females and finances, which is definitely a relevant discussion considering the global financial crisis.

Lets first look at the male brain circuitry. When it comes to decision-making and money, the male brain is geared towards considering the context and working towards the end result. The type of question males generally ask is: “Which option will work and which one won’t?” This leads men to, in general, be more comfortable taking big risks, whereas a woman might feel more uncomfortable with such a risk. Men see the big picture and the strategy that will get them there quickly in an almost compartmentalized way.

Women’s brain circuitry, on the other hand, is better at making decisions regardless of the context, and she will prioritize her personal preferences. The most important question that one should ask a woman in terms of a financial (or any) decision will be “Which option is most comfortable?” Women will, in general, opt for the safer, more familiar decision where she can see from the big picture to the detail, even when she has a surplus of money.

The reason for these differences has to do with the design of the male and female brains, which is based on complementary opposites and equal intelligence. For example, the male brain’s decision and processing strengths lie in the gray matter (the top part of the nerve cell), which a man has 6x more than a woman; this gray matter functions like numerous little supercomputers. The female brain’s strengths lie in the white matter (the tree-trunk like part of the nerve cell), which a woman has 10x more than a man, thus making a woman’s brain like the internet. This means gents tend to excel in tasks requiring more local processing, leading to that focus of “which option will work best”; while women tend to be above average at integrating and assimilating information from the distributed gray matter regions in the brain, which enables them to see detailed permutations. This will make her want to build her “nest-egg” safely and to always have a back-up plan. The fact of the matter is that without supercomputers the internet cannot exist; without the internet even the greatest supercomputer cannot achieve it’s full potential!

When it comes to finances and related management and decision-making skills, we have to talk about the Insula and ACG—I will discuss these in my next blog, so keep watching!


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Samson: A Great Start Squandered

by Jeff Jones
written by Jeff Jones

Samson: what a sad end to such a promising start! He had taken for granted all that he had going for him, and used it only for himself. He never connected to his bigger purpose. God still used him to weaken the Philistines, but did so despite Samson, not in partnership with Samson. With the unique start and status of Samson, he could have been the most amazing leader in the history of the nation of Israel. His story could have been the greatest of all the Old Testament stories—but it wasn’t. Do you ever take God’s grace for granted? Are you wasting the unique calling He has given you?

 

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My Heaven-Journey

by Andy McQuitty
written by Andy McQuitty

Jenny Simmons recently wrote me a cool letter from Bussloo, Apeldoorn, Netherlands where their band Addison Road was touring. She talked about how weird it felt to be in a foreign country with all the strange sounds and smells and language and a general sense of unsettling unfamiliarity. I didn’t know where she was going with this until she presciently observed that cancer has taken me to a strange land, a different country if you will where I’m probably feeling a general sense of unsettling unfamiliarity as well.  Touché. She nailed it. I’ve had the privilege of traveling to some pretty strange places in this old world, but now I’ve embarked to a new country which I’d heard about but heretofore never seen—the land of the valley of the shadow of death.

I’m not (obviously) dead yet, and I entertain high hopes that, like Hezekiah of old, I might be granted an extra span of years to ride motorcycles upon the earth (big H had chariots, but same difference, he was “in the wind” all the same). Realistically, all of us this side of Heaven are traveling the valley of mortality. We know that death and taxes are inevitable, and that even with cryogenics “immortal mortality” is a silly oxymoron. But I’ve learned there’s an international divide between “the valley” and the “shadow”. When you go to the land of the shadow, you’re closer to the celestial gateway and you behold a different scenery in the shade cast by encroaching valley walls. It’s a new land. It feels like a different country. Jenny, you’re right.

There’s lots of folks here. Since I arrived, I’ve had good company all along  the way. It was a royal pain getting through customs though. Your passport is a health insurance card, but then you have to fill out multiple clipboards full of repetitious medical history, probably endure surgery, and recover by ingesting mystery meals concocted in the bowels of the cafeteria by a cadre of mad-scientist dieticians. And even after you’re over the border, you keep having  to wait around interminably in hospitals and doctor’s offices and chemo labs before you can go out exploring again. But hey, it’s ok. Certain hassles accompany all travel. Chalk it up as just part of the adventure.

So, since I’m here, I thought today I would adopt a new role suggested to me by my pastor buddy Larry Parsley. It’s the role of “travel writer”. Don’t worry. I have no illusions about supplanting Rick Steves as he clues the world in about where to swill authentic Hofbräu Oktoberfestbier or how many socks to pack for a mule ride through the foothills of the Himalayas. Instead, I propose to send a travel report to all my compadres who live back in my old homeland of “know I’m going to die someday but still insist on living like I’m immortal”, otherwise known in this transmission as “Myopia”. (I think the Post Office will know just where to send these missives). As my buddy Larry writes:

“Preachers too can learn to inspire listeners with exhibits from distant lands. We should be like the faithful spies of Numbers 13, who point to the gigantic grape clusters from the Valley of Eschol and say to the people, “There’s more where that came from.” Our sermons should be sprinkled with stories of faithful believers who faced down ‘Amalekites’ and lived to sink their teeth into the fruit of the land. Our preaching can reassure fellow travelers that the very place which is presently a “Valley of Weeping” can be transformed into a “place of refreshing springs” (Psalm 84:6 NLT). Or, as that great travel writer John Bunyan might put it, our ultimate destination is not the Slough of Despond, but the Celestial City.”

“Faithful Spy”, that’s me, your new Travel Writer reporting from the Valley. To begin, I’d like to describe for you a huge grape cluster of a genus rare back in Myopia but that grows here in great abundance. In fact, ever since I cleared customs I’ve joined the natives of this country in a daily repast on these wonderful grapes. Aside from their obvious benefit as a prime anti-oxidant, they afford the gift of perspective to all who consume them. Would you like to sample a few? Read these words, and you’ll taste something positively ambrosial:

“Lord, make me to know my end, 

And what is the extent of my days, Let me know how transient I am.

Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths,
And my lifetime as nothing in Your sight,
 Surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Selah.  
Surely every man walks about as a phantom;

Surely they make an uproar for nothing; He amasses riches, and does not know who will gather them.
And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.
Deliver me from all my transgressions;
Make me not the reproach of the foolish.” Psalm 39:4-8  

I received a note the other day from another dear friend of mine. Dr. Bill Lawrence taught and mentored me in seminary and has been one of my big brothers in the ministry through all the years since. The occasion of Bill’s note was his rumination upon turning seventy and thus fulfilling his biblically proscribed “threescore and ten”. He’d been meditating on the very verses in the grape cluster above and was wondering how much longer God would wait before taking him home to Heaven. 

Yes, you guessed it! There’s more than one way to enter this land of the Valley. Cancer will get you in. So will old age. You can get here lots of different ways, but beware if you fly American: you’ll probably arrive without your luggage. In any case, Bill voiced an insight from Psalm 39 which is second nature to Valley people but which often strikes folks back in Myopia as pure novelty. For the substance then of my first Travel Writer report to you, I give you Bill’s words: 

“More always means less. There’s always more out there somewhere. More opportunity, more recognition, more power, more control, more success, more money, more everything. But more always means less. You see, to get more of whatever we seek, we always end up with less time. That’s what we do in life-we trade our time for whatever we gain. Now everything in life is finite, but nothing is more finite or more final than time. There’s more of everything else, but there’s never more of time. We kid ourselves into thinking we have more time. We say, “I think I’ll put more time into sales or management or golf,” but we don’t really have more time, we just manage ourselves differently in the time we have. We’ll never have more time. In fact we have no idea how much time we do have. We look at the game clock and think, “I have years to go before the game ends,” but only the Timekeeper actually knows how much time we have. And He’s not telling. So here’s the deal. More means less. No matter how much more you get, in the end you always have less time. Now all of us need to go after more because that’s the way life works. It’s just that you need to make sure the more you’re going after is worth the less time you’ll have once you get it. . .so what “more” are you going after? At this point in your life what makes the “more” you’re seeking worth the less time you will have once you get it? In light of God’s purpose for you, what are the wisest ways you can invest your time to give the most glory to Him?”

Reading those words, I’d say Bill got God’s answer when he prayed with the Psalmist, “Lord, make me to know my end, And what is the extent of my days, Let me know how transient I am.” Here in the Valley, most people kind of get that; now we all can. 

By the way, did you taste the grape that said, “Surely every man walks about as a phantom”? Bill now refers to himself as “The Phantom” and I’m jealous because what a cool handle that is and I wish I’d thought of it first. Guess I’ll just have to settle for “Travel Writer”, but that’s fine because I’m doing just fine with the journey so far. “And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.”

Jenny ended her letter with a series of prayers, and I wanted to close by reporting from this foreign land that they’re being answered by the One in Whom is all our hope. “I pray, Andy, when you are scared, God will meet you in this foreign country.” He has, every time. “I pray, friend, that when you feel lost and homesick for the life that was, you will meet God in this foreign country.” Yep, He’s been here long before I arrived. “I pray, Pastor, that when you feel out of your element, when you experience culture shock, you and God will adjust in the new land, as good friends, ex-pat’s, in an adventure. . . for the Savior who greets us in the midst of our fear, anger, homesick, and humble new beginnings smiles, offers us a well worn chair, and a warm but amazing Guinness and says ‘welcome home child’”. Yes to all that too Jenny except the Guinness but I’m sure it’s on the way, maybe with a fine Cuban to boot. 

That’s all for now from your intrepid reporter, the “faithful spy”, “Semi-C”, a.k.a. “the Phantom” (sorry Bill), 

Your Travel Writer, 

Pastor Andy

P.S. Just scoped out this bit of graffiti on the Valley wall: “Our ultimate destination is not the Slough of Despond, but the Celestial City. . .” Larry was right, as usual.

Dr. Andy McQuitty, one of our beloved Preach It, Teach It teachers, is fighting cancer. Please include him on your personal and church prayer lists.

 

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Articles

Why is God Silent?

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

There’s an important page in your Bible that, if you are like most people, goes completely unread. Chances are, you are like most Christians who rip past this page without a moment’s thought. In fact, in this page of the Bible might be described by some as the most irrelevant, unnecessary, useless page between its soft leather covers. Virtually no one earmarks it, thumbnails it, highlights it, or contemplates what it represents in God’s grand scheme. Yet I’ve found this page to be one of the most important reminders to me that God in His sovereignty is always at work, performing His Will in the world and in my life. Before I tell you where to find this page in your Bible, allow me to share a story.

Bob was an up and coming political star, somewhat controversial, but completely dedicated to his mission. He passionately wanted to represent righteousness in the political system but often found himself frustrated. We were on the phone one day, discussing his latest machinations with his political party and race for power when he pulled a big question out of his hat that was probably the most important question he’d ever asked me.

“Tom, why don’t I hear God speak?”

“What do you mean, Bob?” I asked.

 

“When I go to church I hear about God speaking to so-and-so, or impressing someone with something. It’s like it’s normal for God to speak to someone. But to be honest, I’ve never heard God speak to me. I want him to speak to me. But he doesn’t and I don’t know why.”

Very quickly I silently prayed for wisdom then decided to answer Bob’s question with a question of my own. “How much time to you spend reading the scriptures?”

Bob hesitated for a moment. It was the kind of hesitation that was an answer in itself. “Uh, well, things are so busy I haven’t really had a lot of time to read the Bible. There’s just so much to do.”

“Bob,” I said, “If you’re not listening to what God has already said in His Word, why would He have anything else to say to you?”

There was a long moment of silence on the other end followed by, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Since that conversation so many years ago Bob poured himself into God’s Word, making himself a student of its precious pages. The more he paid attention to what God said, the more God had to say to him.

There are times in our lives when God is virtually silent. In my experience, God is usually silent for two reasons. First, God is silent because we aren’t giving attention to His Word. We often fill our time with daily tasks, entertainment, and socializing, but we relegate God’s Word to a corner bookshelf. This is nothing less than a form of idolatry. Like God’s rebuke of Jerusalem in Jeremiah 6:10 we “cannot listen,” because when it comes to the scriptures we “take no pleasure in it.” When we keep God on the bookshelf rather than at the table we find that even what we may already know from the scriptures can illude us. To my friend Bob, God seemed far away. But once he began to apply himself to the scriptures, things changed. Not only did he become a student of the Bible, God began giving him influence with his party and peers that he had never before enjoyed.

The second reason for God’s silence comes when God is at work. There are times when we are listening to the Lord, keeping Christ at the table instead of the bookshelf, and yet it seems that God is not speaking to us. The heavens seem shut and God is silent. We wonder if we’ve done something wrong, if God has rejected us, or if there is unconfessed sin in our lives. Israel faced a time like this when God was silent. It was a period of 400 years represented by that single empty page in your Bible between the Old and New Testaments.

During this silent period of Israeli history no prophet walked the land. But remarkable things happened that prepared the way for Christ. The Roman Empire was being built. Instead of abandoning God for idolatry once again, responded by deepening its religious commitment. A group of dedicated Jews formed the Pharisaical order, dedicating themselves to God’s law (the Pharisees didn’t start out as bad guys). Israel finally abandoned the idol worship that had plagued them from Moses to the Exile. The temple of God was being restored. And the family line of David quietly lived their lives, passing on their dedication to God until it finally reach a young virgin willing to carry the Christ. God was silent during that 400 year period, but he was at work, laying the foundations of kingdoms and roads that would carry Christ to the ends of the earth. He would finally speak again through his Son.

So why is God silent with you? Is it because your ears are tuned elsewhere or because He is quietly at work, preparing you and those around you for the next horizon where He will take you?

When you spend time giving attention to God’s written Word, take a little extra time with that empty page between the Testaments. Contemplate the history it represents and what God was doing to prepare the world for the coming of Jesus. Let God’s silence speak to you.

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