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Sermons

The Shame Game

by Mark Batterson
written by Mark Batterson

Shame is a story you tell yourself about yourself. Like a news ticker that
runs in the background of our minds, we have shame scripts that say: “I am unworthy, I am
unlovable, I am not enough, I am a mistake.” God says you are His workmanship, fearfully and
wonderfully made, the apple of His eye, more than a conqueror. If you want to change your life,
you have to change your story! You are who God says you are. To believe anything else is false
humility.

UNASHAMED: The Shame Game

August 13, 2022

UNASHAMED: The Shame Game Dr. Mark Batterson, 8/14/22

The Looking Glass Self: I am not who I think I am. I am not who YOU think I am. I am who I think YOU think I am.

If you want to change your life, you have to change your story! Shame is a story you tell yourself about yourself.

“Adam and Eve were both naked, and they felt NO SHAME.”

—Genesis 2:25

The Hebrew word translated unashamed is bosh. It means no shame, no anxiety.

The opposite of SHAME is vulnerability.
Shame lives in the shadows. It’s our deep dark secrets.

Vulnerability is the COURAGE to CONFESS.

“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

—Genesis 1:26-27

Theology of Dignity – everyone is INVALUABLE and IRREPLACEABLE because everyone is made in the Imago Dei (image of God).

“God BLESSED them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

—Genesis 1:28

Before there was ORIGINAL SIN there was ORIGINAL blessing.

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

—Genesis 3:1-5

“Every Christian I met CANNOT QUITE BELIEVE that they are LOVED BY GOD.”

—Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury

“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.”

—Genesis 3:6-7

“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

—Genesis 3:8-10

The etymological root of shame means to COVER.

Take your own notes here:

“And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me —she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.”

—Genesis 3:11-13, 21

“Therefore, there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ.”

—Romans 8:1

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Devotionals

Release that Past!

by Jana Tuttle
written by Jana Tuttle

As we begin to talk I would ask you, “At the perfect age you are now, do you have any regrets… any “what ifs”… any “what could have beens”… anything that you felt you could have, should have, would have done better… anything that has been like a heavy, overpacked suitcase that you have been carrying around with you here, there and everywhere?”

…And I’m Curious What Your Answer Would Be?

Darlin’ time has a way, especially the longer you have been here on earth, of taking us on a “past” journey, having us revisit the “former” days… looking back on things we did or said with some regret… questioning the decisions we made along the way… pondering those opportunities we may have missed due to our own fears, and inabilities… wondering if the best days are behind us… Have you ever been tempted to go there? If you have, then today, right now I want to encourage you with these life-changing words…

Release that Past & Move On!

Regretting the past, reliving the former days, rehearsing past mistakes can keep you from moving forward into the NEW that God has for you. We are always being called forward into the NEW day, New season, the NEW… In order to embrace the NEW you must release the old.

I am reminded of a beautiful Scripture passage in Isaiah 43:18-19 about Releasing the Past & Moving On. The Lord loved His people Israel and showed them His provisional care as their Redeemer. He delivered them from the bondage of Egypt, from their enemies, past failures and sins. He became their Savior. He encouraged them to fear not, for they were His and He knew them by name and redeemed them for a purpose… for a destiny… for a NEW season… and an abundant life in a NEW place which He had prepared, the Promised Land. He wanted them to leave behind the old mindsets, old memories, the yesterdays and yesteryears, so they could embrace the NEW. He then spoke to them these powerful life giving words…

“Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I will do a new thing,

Now it shall spring forth;

Shall you not know it?

I will even make a road in the wilderness

and rivers in the desert.”

God directly told His people to not remember, to not recall to mind, to not think of the former things, having them constantly arise back in their memory. Nor were they to consider, to carefully think about or contemplate those old things of the past that could leave great regret. He knew if they camped out in the former things they would never move forward into the NEW things He had for them… the new land… the new inheritance… the new memories to be made.

He then says to His people, “Behold” meaning look and see… “I will do a NEW thing, NOW it shall spring forth.” He was reassuring them that they could trust Him. He would guide them into the NEW life, the new future, that He had designed for them to live. He would rebuild those broken places. He would renew, restore, refresh all that they had perceived to have been lost, devoured or wasted. And then He gloriously says to them, “NOW it shall spring forth!” Not in the future, but today, NOW it shall be brought forth… and to settle it in their hearts He assures them He will even make a way for them where there seems to be no way. For He already made a clear path for them to walk out, for He was their Waymaker.

Beautiful One, oh how my heart is rejoicing in this beautiful word from God to His people… to you, His precious daughters. Like the Israelites, we too are the people of His purchase, those who are in Christ. He redeemed us from our land of Egypt, out of our bondage of past sins, past choices and past decisions. And when He delivers us from something, we don’t return to it. We leave it behind, and we step into the NEW. The new freedom found in an abundant life in Christ. The new days He has for us to walk in. The new Divine Appointments He has so beautifully orchestrated for our lives… we redeem the time and step into the NEW!

“Forget the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a NEW thing and it shall spring forth.”

It takes unwavering faith in God and in His Word of Promise to move into the NEW. You must drop that heavy suitcase of the past, leaving it behind, and walk away from it… for there is no “return to sender label on it” because Honey you purposely ripped that label off! No more nursing, cursing or rehearsing the past. No more talking about what should have or might have beens or the do overs. The past is the past. Yesterday is gone.

God has a NEW THING for you. You have a destiny to fulfill. You have today to live out. Don’t look back. The One who has set you apart for a specific call, a unique work, He is the One who leads you into a NEW DAY, a NEW SEASON.

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Ask Roger

How Do I Deal with Tattoos from the Past?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

 

I’ve had a very hurtful past. My wife abused me. She was angry and mean to the children. Of course, we’ve all had our share of physical and emotional problems. People usually think that the abuser is always a man. But that’s not true. I found out that there are others like me who’ve been hurt physically, mentally and emotionally by women. Our marriage is a shambles. Now we are struggling through an acrimonious divorce. Will I ever be able to muddle through the pains of my past and find a peaceful resolution?

 

Sincerely, Sam

 

 

Dear Sam,

 

One day I met a woman with a tattoo on her arm. She explained to me, “My former boyfriend did it—he was an abusive alcoholic.” Happily, she was now married to another man, but every day those marks on her skin reminded of the pain in her past.

 

We’ve all met people whose past is tattooed onto their souls. They’ve experienced abuse, immorality, addictions, loss or grief, broken relationships, or tragedy. Fortunately, there are God-given tools to burn away those ugly tattoos. They don’t have to remain with us forever.

 

How different our past would be if we could relive it! Louisa Tarkington expressed the wish of millions:

 

I wish there were some wonderful place called the “Land of Beginning Again,” where all our past mistakes and heartaches, and all of our poor selfish grief, could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door and never be put on again.

 

I wish it were as simple as tacking an old calendar on the wall, to bring back former years and erase the imprints left by hurts and mistakes of bygone days.

 

But there is a land of beginning again. Our past need not control our present or future.

 

Where Do Tattoos Come From? Start with Your Family

 

Once, I asked our church counselors to share the twelve most common problems they saw in our counseling center. Their lists were dominated by topics such as depression, grief, bitterness, anger, sexual abuse, demonic problems and guilt.

 

However, our counselors emphasized that many of these things were just symptoms. The root cause for many of our problems is that we grew up in dysfunctional families.

In other words, the atmosphere of our home has a significant impact on shaping our identity and behavior.

 

You are fortunate if you were raised in a healthy home!

 

The Bible never systematically lists what makes a good parent. Yet scattered here and there are indicators. Functional parents will:

 

Teach their children (Psalm 78:3-7, Proverbs 19:18);

 

Discipline their children (Psalm 78:3-7, Proverbs 19:18);

 

Love their children (Proverbs 13:24; Psalm 103:13);

 

Delight in their children (Provers 3:12);

 

Show mercy and grace to their children (Luke 6:36);

 

Give good gifts to the children (Matthew 7:11);

 

Comfort their children (Isaiah 66:13);

 

Our counselors also gathered characteristics of a healthy, functional family. They include: Security, Openness, Affection, Encouragement, Approval, Respect, Time Invested, Appreciation, Affirmation Love, Compassion, Attention, and Understanding.

 

If the characteristics of a healthy, functional family above are the opposite of your family experience as a child, you probably come from a dysfunctional family. H. Normal Wright created an excellent list of the characteristics of a dysfunctional family in his book, Always Daddy’s Girl.

 

  1. Abuse

 

Abuse can include inflicting physical hurt, causing emotional pain, sexual injury, or neglect. Abuse may be blatant, such as one family member striking or screaming at another. It can be subtle, as when one person ignores another.

 

  1. Perfectionism

 

A perfectionist parent conveys his or her standards and expectations through verbal rebukes, corrections, frowns, penetrating glances, smirks, etc., which continually imply, “You’re not good enough.” The parent leads by torture words like “ought” and “should” which elevate guilt and lower self-esteem.

 

  1. Rigidity

 

Dysfunctional families are characterized by unbending rules and strict lifestyles.

 

  1. Silence

 

Dysfunctional families operate by a gag rule: “Don’t share family secrets with anyone. Keep it in the family.” After all, what would people think if they knew we didn’t have it all together?

 

  1. Repression

 

You may have grown up in a family where emotions were controlled and repressed instead of identified and expressed. Family members are only allowed to express feelings which were considered appropriate instead of what they really feel. So, you spend life wearing a mask.

 

  1. Triangulation

 

In triangulation, one family member uses another family member as a go-between. Father tells his daughter, “Go see if your mother is still angry at me. Tell her I love her.” She complies with his request. But Mother retorts, “Tell your father to get lost!” How does Sally feel about getting caught in the middle? Perhaps she feels like a failure.  Perhaps she fears that her mother is angry at her ,when she is really angry at dad.

 

  1. Double Messages

 

A wife asks her husband if he loves her. “Of course, I do,” he says as he reads the newspaper. Then he spends four hours in front of the TV and goes straight to bed. His words say, “I love you,” but his actions say, “I don’t care about you at all.”

 

  1. Lack of fun

 

Dysfunctional families are typically unable to loosen up, let go, play, and have fun. Their mottos are: “Be serious”; “Work hard”; “Play is a waste of time.” When they do play, it usually ends up with someone getting hurt. Humor is used as much to hurt as to have fun.

 

  1. Martyrdom

 

Children are challenged: “Tough it out, son; big boys don’t cry”, “You aren’t hurt, Jane, so quit that whimpering and grow up!” Pain, suffering, or disappointment aren’t acknowledged. Instead, they are deliberately pushed aside.

 

  1. Entanglement

 

The members of a dysfunctional family are emotionally and relationally entangled in each other’s lives. Mom makes Dad’s problems her problems, Dad makes the kids’ problems his problems. If one family member is unhappy, the whole family is!

 

Of course, when we add drugs, alcohol, major sickness, overworking or divorce into the mix, hurtful tattoos increase exponentially.

 

How Do Tattoos Form?

 

When you were born, your emotional cup was empty. You had a lot of needs which had to be met. If your family was healthy, most of your needs were met, and when you reached adulthood your cup was full or almost full.

 

But if your family was mostly dysfunctional, your cup may be rather empty. You entered life with needs which your family should have met but didn’t. The lower the level in your cup, the more difficult life will be.

 

As we study dysfunctional families, we are forced to redefine normalcy.

 

Was it normal to watch your father stumble up the porch steps into a screaming battle with your mother, which ended hours later only when he went to bed?

 

Was it normal to cringe in your bedroom praying dad wouldn’t stop at your room to pick a fight?

 

Is it normal for a father to divorce his wife and leave behind an eight-year-old whom he rarely visits and who thinks he left because of her?

 

Is normal for a ten-year-old regularly to get breakfast for his seven-year-old sister and then get her off to school because Mom is sleeping off a hangover?

 

Is it normal for a thirteen-year-old girl to be kept up most of the night by an angry tirade from her father who blames her for all the problems in the family?

 

Is it normal to come home from school not sure which man her mom will have in bed?

 

To many of us those things seem abnormal and aberrant. Yet, to some of us those things were absolutely normal.  You never knew that there was any other way to live. Finally, we can fight to redefine ourselves apart from our past.

 

Fortunately, God still provides healing for those who are suffering.

 

How Can We Remove Tattoos from the Past?

 

First, we need to deal with these ugly tattoos one by one, not all at once. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring up only those He wants us to deal with and when He wants us to address them.

 

  1. PRAY EARNESTLY.

 

Pray for the Holy Spirit to bring healing to your hurt; understanding of what’s happening; the grace to live victoriously; and, finally, ask for the Holy Spirit to heal the painful tattoos of your past.

 

  1. ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HURT.

 

Some resort to denial to avoid the pain and the reality.

 

When we bury something from the past, we don’t bury it dead.  We bury it alive. The ugly tattoos often surface later in all sorts of unpleasant ways, like depression, disillusionment, anger, bitterness or physical illness.

 

 

  1. SETTLE THE QUESTION: “WHERE WAS GOD WHEN THESE TATTOOS WERE BEING BURNED INTO MY SOUL?

 

If this question is not properly answered, we will struggle to engage with the Holy Spirit as we attempt to remove the tattoos. Unhealed tattoos can produce great anger against God.

 

We wonder:

 

“If God loved me, why did He let me get into this mess?”

 

“Why was my father an alcoholic?”

 

“Why do I have such a strong sex drive?”

 

“Why did He let my dad abuse me or my mother reject me?”

 

“God wasn’t there for me when I was a child; why should I think He will be there for me as an adult?”

 

“Why should I look to a God who failed me when I needed Him the most?”

 

How can such anger against God be dissolved?

 

First, do what David did in the Psalms. He simply told God how angry he was. It felt good to get off his chest. The emotional relief is refreshing.

 

When I’m really angry at God, I sometimes sit in the car and close the door where Julie can’t hear me. Then, I yell and holler angrily at God because of what’s going on that I don’t like.

 

Then, I read some of David’s “angry” Psalms to see how he got healed, and I follow his example. The anger fades.

 

Second, we must examine the tattoo carefully, there may be more involved in its presence than we realize. God may be using it to mature us to look like Jesus.

 

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:10-11)

 

All things work together for those that love God. For those God foerknew, he predestined to look just like Jesus.” (Romans 8:28-29)

 

  1. GET IN TOUCH WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR PAST TO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE LIKE YOU ARE.

 

The key word here is, “understand.”  You want to understand what happened and why.

 

Remember, “Children are the world’s best tape recorders. They are the world’s worst interpreters.” Now as an adult, we have much better tools to interpret and unravel our past.

 

Often, we are the way that we are because our parents were victims, too. Can you imagine that if your mom and/or dad didn’t receive any appreciation, encouragement, compassion, or comfort when they were growing up, that you might not receive any either?

 

After all, it’s hard to pass on something we never received!

 

  1. FIND SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO COMFORT.

 

Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:8)

 

Only deal with the past when you are in the presence of someone who will understand and comfort. Otherwise, you may well be hurt again, when you bring these things to mind. There are times when we alone can’t put our past behind us. We need the assistance of others.

 

Bear one another’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2)

 

  1. FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE HURT YOU.

 

First, forgiving does not mean that we let those who hurt us “off the hook.” They need to be held accountable for what they did. We may let them off our “hook,” but they are still on God’s “hook”! Remember the Lord says, “Vengeance is mine.” So, let Him do His work.

Second, forgiving is not a sign that we’re weak. Forgiveness is a courageous act that integrates the grace, kindness, and compassion of Christ.

Third, forgiving does not mean that we forget what they did to us. Whoever told us that we can “forgive and forget” was quite misguided. The pain of some things is so intense that we will never forget them. Nevertheless, by God’s grace, we can forgive even though we may never forget what they did to us.

Fourth, forgiving doesn’t mean that we restore the relationship with the one, or ones, who hurt us as if nothing ever happened. Something did happen. If the one who hurt us is repentant, we may choose to establish boundaries, giving the offender—over a period of time — the opportunity to regain our trust. We can restore the relationship someday if we want to or not restore it at all.

Fifth, forgive before deep bitterness and resentment become ingrained in your heart. The desire for vengeance is like aiming your pointer finger at your adversary like a gun barrel. Your thumb is the hammer, cocked and ready to fire. However, look at the other three fingers. They are pointed right back at you.

Sixth, it’s not possible to be at peace with all people (Romans 12:7). As Christians, we feel that we are required to fix every broken relationship and live in harmony with all of our brothers and sisters. Unfortunately, some relationships just will not work out. It is okay to leave them behind and go on with others.

Finally, you can know that you’ve forgiven them when you don’t want to hurt them anymore.

 

  1. FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION AHEAD THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD RATHER THAN STARING INTO THE REARVIEW MIRROR.

 

Forget those things which are behind and press on to what is ahead. (Philippians 3:12-14)

 

 

Well Sam, may God bring healing to your heart and grace to your soul.

 

Love, Roger

This article was co-authored with Brie Barrier Wetherbee

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Devotionals

What Does Jesus Say When You’re Guilty?

by Lisa Bevere
written by Lisa Bevere

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7b (ESV)

 

I want to invite you to journey back with me into a familiar passage of Scripture in the hope you’ll see something you may have missed before. It’s the story of a nameless woman caught in the very act of adultery. I want us to pause long enough to imagine both the terror and courage of this obviously guilty woman.

John 8 clearly juxtaposes the cruelty of law-led religion and the beauty of God’s mercy and love. So, friends, let’s visit this scene together and view it with a fresh perspective.

In the dim light of early morning, a large crowd awaits a young rabbi named Jesus. When He appears with His disciples, He greets them and then sits down to teach. Those who gathered listen closely, their hearts hanging on every word … when suddenly there’s a disturbance at the edge of the crowd.

It’s the religious leaders, dragging a disheveled woman who frantically clutches a remnant of cloth to herself in an attempt to hide her nakedness. The leaders have dragged her from a bed of adultery, but the man she was with is nowhere in sight.

“Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” (John 8:4b-5, NIV)

His response is delayed as He writes in the dust. Then He challenges her accusers:

“… Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7b).

The religious leaders leave one by one until it’s only Jesus and a nameless guilty woman. Then He rises and asks:

“‘… Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’
‘No one, sir,’ she said.
‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin’” (John 8:10-11, NIV).

What I find courageous is the fact that this woman stayed.

I might have slipped away when the last stone was dropped. I like to think she stayed because she was tired of being talked about. She waited until Jesus spoke directly to her. Many will hear the words, “Go and sin no more,” as a threat of future punishment, paraphrased as, “Do it again, and you’ll find yourself under a rock pile.” But I hear it as an empowerment to walk away different, for the next verse reads:

“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life’” (John 8:12, ESV).

Jesus gave the power of choice to a nameless woman who’d found herself a public spectacle. Jesus looked beyond the obvious, and He refused to acknowledge her present state as her permanent condition.

No one is without sin. Many of us have turned to men, religion or the world for our affirmation, only to be betrayed. I love that this interchange with the obviously guilty helps each of us embrace His mercy and grace in areas where our sin and struggle might not be so obvious to others.

These words of Jesus speak to the weary mother who lost her temper when her patience was tried. They speak to couples trapped in unhealthy patterns that are deconstructing their marriage. His words speak to men and women trapped in the shadowed shame of porn or addiction. Jesus says to you what He said to her:

“Then neither do I condemn you … go now and leave your life of sin.” (John 8:11b)

When the serpent shames and accuses us, it’s time to wait in the presence of Jesus until His mercy and grace speaks to us.

God’s forgiveness is where our freedom begins. Jesus did so much more than forgive this woman … He sent her away freed from the bonds of sin.

Because of Jesus, the power of our former bondage has been broken. It’s time to have more faith in the words of Christ, our liberator, than in the power of the chains. Dare to believe, and leave behind the shadows of your past!

Lord, thank You for defending us, when we could not defend ourselves. Thank You for saving rather than condemning us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY

Romans 6:14, “For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.” (ESV)

Hebrews 8:12, “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” (NIV)

www.proverbs31ministries.org.

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Articles

5 Hidden Consequences of Shame

by Christine Caine
written by Christine Caine

Shame. Shame is the fear of being unworthy, and it adversely affects our relationship with God, others, and ourselves. Shame makes us feel small, unwanted, and unloved. And if we don’t learn how to identify and overcome it, shame will ruin our lives and keep us from fulfilling our destiny.

Shame was my companion from my earliest memories, a huge part of my life and identity. My classmates teased me for my Greek heritage, I felt cultural pressures at home to abandon my passions for sports and academics for those of traditional gender roles, and as a victim of sexual abuse, I was ashamed of the horrible things that happened to me.

No matter the source, shame is a powerfully painful emotion that shackles us in the prison of our pasts, and if we aren’t careful, we will stay there—missing out on the beautiful lives created for us. That is why it is so important for us to identify and deal with areas of shame in our life.

Here are five often-hidden consequences of shame that keep us from the life of freedom we were created for:

1. Shame whispers lies to our soul. Shame lies—big time. Even today, every now and then, unless I am vigilant, shame still tries to sneak up on me at unexpected times. Others will find out you are weak, then you will lose their respect and damage your ministry. Don’t be vulnerable! Only project strength.

In order for us not to believe the lies of shame, we must be rooted deeply in the truths of our self-worth and God’s love for us. When we hear the lies, rather than believe them, we must claim God’s truth and love for ourselves, robbing shame of the power it once held in our lives.

2. Shame hinders our ability to receive God’s unconditional love. The biggest lie that shame loves to tell is that we are unworthy. Unworthy of love. Unworthy of affection. Unworthy of inclusion. Unworthy of happiness. When we hear and believe these things day in and day out, it makes it nearly impossible to comprehend that there’s a love without conditions—a love that accepts us just the way we are. But the moment you start to move toward God’s unconditional love, your healing from shame will begin.

3. Shame prompts us to toss away the good gifts we are given. Shame has a way of manifesting in the nooks and crannies of our souls, keeping us from truly using and exploring the good gifts that God has placed inside of us. If we allow shame to keep us from using our good gifts, we will never be able to fully experience the life that God created with each of us in mind.

We need to recognize our value and understand that we are a gift—an expression of who God is—and the world needs what he has deposited in us.

4. Shame keeps us from seeking help. It’s sneaky like that, growing in shadowy places until those struggling with it are too ashamed to seek help from the very shame that enslaves them. It lives within women who worship beside you at church, work in the next cubicle, attend your workout class, entertain you on TV, smile at you from magazine covers, or live next door.

The challenge is that we’ve been shackled in the dark for so long that the darkness has crippled and immobilized us, but the only way that we can be healed from our shame is to acknowledge, uncover, and hold up our wounds to the One who can help. There is freedom on the other side, but we can’t get there on our own.

5. Shame teaches us to hide. For those of us schooled in shame, hiding is our go-to coping skill to guard ourselves against the pain of disapproval or judgment, condemnation or mockery, belittlement or exposure, or worse—just fill in the blank with your unique circumstance. Enough practice and we become masters at hiding from others and eventually ourselves.

But instead of hiding, we must choose to seek. We must choose to seek God’s love, his unconditional grace and acceptance. There’s an astounding promise that comes with his love—that nothing can separate you from it—not even shame.

If I can be set free from shame through the love of Jesus, than anyone can! I want everyone to experience his miraculous love. That’s why I’ve written the book, Unashamed. That’s why I travel and teach. That’s why I help others gain freedom through the work of A21. That’s why I reach out with Propel Women.

I want people to know that they too are free to choose to get up and get moving into the beautiful future God has for them, and discover an abundance of freedom.

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Sermons

Divine Disruption

by Tony Evans
written by Tony Evans

How do you seek God? You pursue a relationship while simultaneously submitting to his rule, his authority, where he has the last word over your word, over your thoughts, over how you were raised. Distress will wake you up. We’d better get right with God so our distress and lack of peace can be corrected by the God who gave us the distress. You know why? Because that’s what he’s after all the time. He’s after this relationship. But we’re out of alignment, we’re not in alignment with him. And he’s letting us know through these things that happen.

Preached at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship.

www.sermons.love.

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Articles

Are You Playing the “If Only” Game?

by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
written by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

I remember talking years ago with a young mother who had a two-year-old child and one-year-old twins. She said with a sigh, “I was never an impatient person—until I had these twins!”

This lady believed what most of us have believed at one time or another—that we are the way we are because of our circumstances.

The implication is that our circumstances make us what we are. Perhaps you’ve found yourself saying, as have I, “She made me so mad!” What we are saying is: “I am really a kind, gentle, loving, self-controlled, Spirit-filled woman. But . . . you can’t believe what she did!”

“I wouldn’t have lost my cool,” we insist, “if my child hadn’t filled the dryer with water and painted the living room furniture with butter!”

Or, “I wouldn’t struggle in my marriage if my parents hadn’t verbally abused me and made me feel worthless.”

Or, “I wouldn’t be so bitter if my husband hadn’t run off with that other woman.”

We are saying, “Someone or something made me the way I am.” We feel that if our circumstances were different—our upbringing, our environment, the people around us—we would be different. We would be more patient, more loving, more consistent, easier to live with.

If our circumstances make us what we are, then we are all victims. And that’s just what the enemy wants us to believe. Because if we are victims, then we aren’t responsible—we can’t help the way we are.

But God says we are responsible—not for the failures of others, but for our own responses and lives.

The “If Only” Game

The truth is our circumstances do not make us what we are. They merely reveal what we are.

That exasperated mother who believed she had never been an impatient person until she had twins did not understand that she had always been an impatient person; she just didn’t realize how impatient she was until God brought a set of circumstances into her life to show her what she was really like—so He could change her.

The enemy convinces us that the only way we can ever be different is if our circumstances change. So we play the “if only” game: If only we didn’t have to move . . . If only we lived closer to my parents . . . If only we had a bigger house (more closets, more storage) . . . If only we had more money . . . If only my husband didn’t have to work so many hours . . . If only I were married . . . If only I weren’t married . . . If only I were married to someone different . . . If only I had children . . . If only I didn’t have so many children . . . If only I hadn’t lost that child . . . If only my husband would communicate . . . If only my husband were a spiritual leader . . . .

We have been deceived into believing we would be happier if we had a different set of circumstances. The truth is if we are not content within our present circumstances, we are not likely to be happy in any other set of circumstances.

When she was in her fifties, nineteenth-century writer Elizabeth Prentiss learned that her husband would be taking a new job that required them to uproot from their home in New York and move to Chicago. The move meant leaving all their friends and posed a danger to her fragile health. In a letter to a friend, she wrote:

We want to know no will but God’s in this question. . . . The experience of the past winter would impress upon me the fact that place and position have next to nothing to do with happiness; that we can be wretched in a palace, radiant in a dungeon . . . perhaps this heartbreaking is exactly what we need to remind us . . . that we are pilgrims and strangers on the earth.1

George Washington’s wife, Martha, expressed the same conviction in a letter written to her friend Mercy Warren:

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds, wherever we go.2

Learning to be Content

The apostle Paul learned that he could rejoice and be content and fruitful in any circumstance because his joy and well-being were not dependent on his circumstances but on the steadfast love and faithfulness of God and the conditions of his relationship with God. He wrote, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need” (Phil. 4:11–12).

Paul understood that we may not be able to control our circumstances, but our circumstances don’t have to control us.

The truth is that we can trust a wise, loving, sovereign God to control every circumstance of our lives.

Joy, peace, and stability come from believing that every circumstance that touches our lives has first been filtered through His fingers of love and is part of a great, eternal plan that He is working out in this world and in our lives.

1 George Lewis Prentiss, More Love to Thee: The Life and Letters of Elizabeth Prentiss (Amityville, N.Y.: Calvary, 1994), 374.

2 Harry C. Green and Mary W. Green, “The Pioneer Mothers of America,” 1912, cited in The Christian History of the American Revolution: Consider and Ponder, comp. Verna M. Hall (San Francisco: Foundation of American Christian Education, 1988), 76.

Adapted from Lies Women Believe: And the Truth That Sets Them Free!  © 2001 by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. Published by Moody Publishers. Used with permission.

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Articles

How Do I Respond When My Adult Child Blames Me for His or Her Issues?

by Kevin Leman
written by Kevin Leman

The following is an excerpt from Dr. Leman’s podcast on www.birthorderguy.com:

 

Blaming others has been around since time began. Let’s go back to Adam and Eve. Adam said in Genesis 3:12:“It was you, God, that gave me that woman. It’s her fault.” Passing the buck has literally been around forever and it’s a scapegoat. It’s a psychological defense mechanism. It’s not my fault. It’s your fault. Life’s been unfair to me.”

 

I would bet you a nickel and a few pesos that a daughter complaining about her mother is always asking her mother for help in some way, shape or form, either financially or otherwise. Of course, if you don’t like yourself, you need to find a way of deferring that to someone else.

 

You have to lay blame on it, like it didn’t have anything to do with the fact that she, now these are just guesses in the dark because perhaps she chose not to go to school onto post high school, that she was the one that decided to take off extra time from work and ended up getting fired.

 

What you see is a trail of non-responsible behavior from day one, and so rather than face myself and look myself in the mirror and say, “You know what? This is on me,” as the old song says, you strike out, you only hurt the ones you what? Love.

 

The next time she throws a barb at you, just say simply, “Honey, I’m sorry you feel that badly about yourself.”

 

My prayer for you someday is that you’ll look honestly at yourself and take responsibility for the things you say and do and won’t have the need to blame others, including me, for your inaction and your failure. Failure isn’t fatal in life, honey, but realize that you failed and then not doing anything to try to get yourself into a positive track is quite frankly just a shame because quite frankly, I believe you could do better.”

 

“But if you want to continue to play this dog and pony show where I am the source of your problems, you go right ahead. You just have to understand that I’m not buying it.” That’s the conversation that has to take place.

 

That’s kind of scary for that mom to say that. Moms are often afraid that that daughter’s going to pull away.

 

Perhaps they’re too close. Mom is probably way, way, way too involved in her adult daughter’s life. Okay? So I’m guessing that daughter is asking mom, “Hey Mom, what do you think about this? What do you think about that?” And Mom tried to help, giving her two cents worth.

 

Daughter does partly what Mom suggests. It doesn’t work and then now whose fault is it? It’s Mom’s fault. So what I’m saying is the quicker they separate, the better.

 

The next time she’d get asked a question from her daughter, say, “Honey, I don’t have the foggiest idea what to tell you. That’s completely up to you. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision,” and then psychologically turn your back and walk away. I mean, this doesn’t work without Mom doing some changing of her own. She has to see, just like fighting is an act of cooperation, this nonsense that’s going on between her and her grown daughter continues to go because she plays a role in that.

 

So all of a sudden Daughter says something like this: “Mom, you are stupid. You don’t know a thing.”

 

Then when she asked for help, especially financial, which I bet you a nickel she’s doing, I would just say, “Honey, I’m unable to help you right now for a lot of different reasons. Let it go.”

 

Playing the victim and using a parent as a scapegoat is a psychological defense is commonplace now in our culture. How as parents do we not let our kids gain this stance or this opinion?

 

Start when your children are young. The general principle is don’t do for kids what they can do for themselves. Now, if you take that too, literally, I mean, if a kid says, “Mommy, would you get me a glass of milk,” am I saying don’t get the kid a glass of milk? No, I’m not saying that at all.

 

What I’m saying is the kids will work you and you have to have a built in antennae that says, wait a minute, this is a little too much. They can do this work. I sat down with my granddaughter once and my wife assigned me, “Hey you, help Adeline with her homework.”

 

So I sat down and I looked at the homework and I said, “Okay, what are we doing here Adeline?”

“We’re doing these six questions,” Adeline said.

 

It took me a minute to figure out what was going on. Adeline wanted me to figure out her six problems for her, and I said, “Honey, I don’t know.”

“This is your homework. This isn’t Grandpa’s homework. This is something you have to do.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t understand it,” Adeline replied.

 

“Well, I mean, I don’t know how I can help you understand it. You can read it once you read it out loud, see how it goes.”

 

I just keep the ball on her side of the court. Kids will work you. You just have to understand that. It’s human nature for a lot of kids, particularly later born children or overly-dependent firstborns to use the ones that they’re supposed to be loving. People aren’t for using. They’re for loving.

 

So you draw those lines early. You have expectations. Your yes is yes. Your no is no. You’re in authority without being an authoritarian. You’re not being a pushover and it’s that balanced life that you present before your children that gives them a solid foundation to grow from. That’s the important thing.

 

What would it take as a mom to be able to have the confidence that this is actually going to bless that child, not irreparably destroy your relationship? Some Moms feel the desire to be needed so much that they ignore the importance of setting boundaries and helping their offspring to assume responsibility for their behaviors and choices.

 

If Moms learn to do this from the start, there’s so much hope in that thinking, okay, when I have adolescents, when I have young adult children, that they’re not going to be blaming me. They’re not going to come whining to me for an answer. They’re not going to be dependent on me. They’re going to be responsible, able to make their own choices.

 

 

 

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Ask Roger

Can I Ask God to Take My Life?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

I have been more miserable as a devout Christian. I do not enjoy life following the things I am taught at church. I mostly feel judged and pressured to be what I am not. I do not want to disappoint God so I have come to realize that I would rather die soon and skip to living in heaven. How do I pray for God to end my life on this earth?

Sincerely,

Geraldine

No part of this response should be interpreted as being a substitute for professional counseling from a licensed mental health professional.  Most counties in the United States have many licensed Christian-based counselors with whom you can contract. If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

Dear Geraldine,

I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard season of heartache and discouragement. We know we live in a fallen world, or in a world of “tribulation,” as Jesus said. And it’s so hard to anticipate or comprehend the impact of this fallen world on the lives of the very people He loves the most: those who are devoted to Him, as you must be, because you are a devout Christian.

I have several thoughts and suggestions I think will increase your hope until God changes the season you’re in. One thing that strikes me about your inquiry is that what you are being taught at church is making you feel judged and pressured.

Following Jesus offers the freedom of conviction, not the lie of condemnation.

I don’t know what kind of a church you are in. I hope its pastors are accurately teaching the word of God. Perhaps, they are not, as your email seems to imply. Without attending there myself, I cannot be sure.

Fortunately, although we know that church attendance at a church with loving pastors who preach the word of God is valuable for many reasons, we can and should follow Jesus Himself. We follow Jesus first.  Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, “Come unto me all you that labor and our heavy laden.” (KJV)

When I preach, I ask the Lord to take my words and fashion them through the Spirit to speak to people in individual ways that are helpful to them. If anyone is in sin, as you probably know, God’s word will convict that person of the wrongness of any particular sin.

This conviction leads to repentance and to a sense of freedom! The opposite is true of condemnation.

It’s a hard lesson to learn (or habit to acquire) to look to Jesus, personally, rather than to look to a human being who may mean well but is binding people up with do’s and don’ts.

You can be assured that God’s love is unconditional, and He would never lead you into condemnation.

You are probably familiar with Romans 8:1 that says there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. There’s no condemnation to you, Geraldine! God has clothed you with a robe of righteousness and a garment of salvation and some day you will see it, feel it, and you will wear it proudly.

But God would want you to wait for his timing to don the robe and the garment in a tangible way in the heavenly realm. If, indeed, the pastors are preaching condemnation, that’s not a healthy church to attend.

I must remind myself many times throughout the day to get my eyes off myself, my faults, my many problems – even from the negativity of others – and, instead, get my eyes on God! How do I do this? By meditating on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious, anything that is excellent and anything that is worthy of praise. You probably know that this is Paul’s strong advice in Philippians 4:8.

Geraldine, you have said that you are a devout Christian. Therefore, you are a sheep, a bought and paid for member of the body of Christ. Jesus paid an incredible price to purchase your salvation.  Jesus says that His sheep hear his voice and follow Him.

God wants you to hear His voice.

God doesn’t want you to hear the voice of the enemy of your soul, or even the voice of a well-meaning person who judges and puts pressure on you.

When I pray for people throughout the week, I pray that God will speak to them often – that He will give them gentle nudges, that He will help them to think His thoughts and speak His words. Jesus is the embodiment of grace and truth, and so are His words!

When I counsel with folks, I pray with them that they will hear more than my words and that God will use the counseling session to speak to them, personally.

I don’t know a better way to become continually open to hearing God’s voice than to meditate on His word.  When Jesus, our role model, was tempted in the wilderness after 40 days of fasting, He answered Satan’s deceptive words with passages of scripture.

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I don’t know if the pastors are doing this to you by twisting the word of God (or by taking scriptures out of context or by some other means), or if your interpretations of what they’re saying are inaccurate (your email is too short to know).

Similarly, we must speak truth to lies.

For example, we must tell Satan that God won’t let us be tempted beyond our strength but will provide a way of escape from present difficulties.  We must confess the truth that though we fall, He will not let us be “utterly cast down.”

We must confess that the eternal God is our refuge and that underneath us, His everlasting arms go much deeper than our hurt.

His everlasting arms never go away and, in His timing, He will always lift us up! When I confess such truths, I usually say them in ways that are prayers. For example, I say, “Lord, you say that I won’t be utterly cast down. I confess that as the truth, and I pray you will not let me be utterly cast down!”

Like you, I also want to be with the Lord in paradise! The Apostle Paul wanted to be with the Lord!  However, we know that Paul knew that God’s plan for him was that he would linger for a little longer on earth in order to fulfill God’s plan for his life.

Had he taken his life, he would not have spoken before Caesar, which was the probable cause of many of Caesar’s household giving their lives to Christ. I’m certain those folks were quite grateful to be saved all because Paul did not take his own life.

While you live on this earth, it’s impossible to know how even a single prayer may change someone, perhaps save someone’s life, or how it may even change the world. We also won’t know until we stand before Him how a word or act of kindness might have helped someone at just the right time. We also have no way of knowing how our absence would probably impact the world in a negative sense, either.  Only God knows such things. So, we know that it is never God’s plan to take our own life.

Do you want to know the best and quickest way to see God?

It’s to say something like this to God:

“God, my life belongs to you. You even sent your only Son into the world to die for me. I do not take Christ’s sacrifice lightly. I want to live for you every moment of the day and night. I know that with your help, I can make it through this difficult season and come to know You in a deeper way than I thought was possible. I love you so much – even when I don’t feel it – that rather than attempting to go to you whenI want to, I will wait to go to you when you want me to and when you take me to my eternal home. In the meantime, because I am totally devoted to You, I want You to use my life here on earth right now! Because I am totally devoted to You, I will wait on your direction and be sensitive to your gentle promptings to more fully know how to help Your kingdom be established on this earth.” 

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Articles

Have a New Teenager by Friday: Be Purposeful

by Kevin Leman
written by Kevin Leman

How your teenager will respond has everything to do with respect-your kid’s respect for you, and your respect for your kid. Respect begins from the earliest of stages and builds up over your years of relationship together.

The battles between will-what I call developmental carnality-usually start when your child is about 18 months old, figures out he has a will of his own and realizes he can exert it. What happens after that point has everything to do with you, parent, because your child’s attitude and behavior were created within the space of your home.

From this early stage, it’s crucial that you parents pick your battles carefully, and that as situations come up, you don’t react but act. Reacting takes you out of the driver’s seat and flings you right onto the moment-by-moment emotional roller coaster with your child. Acting allows you to sit back, relax, say things once and hold firm, and remain calmly in control, letting the chips fall where they may.

So when your two-year-old spouted off, how did you respond?

You said, “Oh, Johnny, you shouldn’t talk that way. It’s not nice. I’m going to give you one more chance to be nice.”

You said, “Young man, you’ve just earned yourself a time-out. Get in the corner for the rest of the morning.”

You turned, walked into another room, and ignored him. Later, when he wanted to play with his favorite toy, you said, “No, you may not play with the toy today. Mommy doesn’t like the way you talked to her.” No amount of blue-eyed pleading changed your mind either.

Which scene played out over and over in your house? Your child didn’t morph overnight into this alien teenage creature. Guess whom he had help from? How you’ve acted as a parent and how you’ve run your home has everything to do with the person your teenager is now.

Take three-year-old firstborn Shannon. When she was being stubborn and disrespectful about eating her lunch, her mother put her in a time-out. She calmly picked up the high chair—with Shannon strapped in it—and moved it around the corner of the kitchen into the hallway, where Shannon couldn’t see her mother. Those five minutes seemed like an eternity to the child who didn’t like to be separated from her mother. When her mom at last appeared, Shannon said quickly, “All done, Mom, all done.”

To this day, 12-year-old Shannon remembers that life event and laughs. “I guess I figured out, ‘Hey, that didn’t work very well.’ I was a smart kid, so I never tried it again. That was the first and last time my mom ever had to put me in a time-out. I knew she meant business and that she wouldn’t back down.” Today Shannon and her mother have a very close relationship build on respect, and they have already weathered two of the early and intense hormone-group years.

Contrast that with Jarrod, who is 15 and treats his mom like she’s the slave dog of the family. “Where are my gym shorts?” he blurts out a minute before he heads out the door to school, and Mom, trying to please him, had let him get away with his tantrums, then gave him whatever he wanted.

Those two examples show clearly what I call “purposive behavior.”

How many of you have used the word purposive today? I’m looking for hands here. I see none. Okay, so how about this week? Uh, there’s a hand. How about this month? A couple more. This year? A few more.

Purposive isn’t one of those words you hear a lot, but it’s important for you as a parent to understand what purposive behavior is. Purposive behavior serves a person; it meets a need. We all engage in it.

What is the purposive behavior of a child throwing a temper tantrum in a toy store? A good guess would be that Mom or Dad has given him a small dosage of vitamin N and said no to the “I want, I need” three-year-old. The three-year-old’s way of saying, “You’ll do exactly what I tell you to do,” is throwing a temper tantrum grand enough that folks six aisles over hear it and peek around the corner to see what’s up.

So what does that parent do to shortcut the embarrassment of this child’s behavior? “Okay, okay, I’ll get you the toy this time. But this is the last time I’m going to buy you a toy….

Don’t surrender to the demand. Stop reacting and act purposefully. Your teen will thank you for it.

Excerpt from “How to Have a New Teenager by Friday” by Dr. Kevin Leman. Used by permission.

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Articles

Sex, Power and the Church: David and Bathsheba

by Jeff Elkins
written by Jeff Elkins

If you grew up in a conservative evangelical church like I did, it is possible there is a story from the Bible that was repeatedly used to teach you about sex – the story of David and Bathsheba in 2nd Samuel chapters 11 and 12. While our teachers’ intentions were good, the way the story was taught has planted seeds in our minds that have grown into weeds we must now deal with if we are to side with Jesus in the time of #MeToo and #TimesUp. In this short essay, I hope to give you a different understanding of David and Bathsheba, one that doesn’t just focus on sex, but also on power.

The Way I Learned the Story

David has outlasted his predecessor and been crowned king. He has defeated his enemies, he has returned the ark to Jerusalem, and he has constructed his place. He is at the peak of his power and his place in the history books as Israel’s greatest king was secure.

Then, on a Spring night, David took a stroll on the roof of his palace. While walking, he saw a beautiful woman bathing on a neighboring rooftop. He asked his servants to find out who the woman was. They told him it was Bathsheba, the wife of one of David’s soldiers. David sent a servant to get her, he had sex with her, and then he sent her home.

A little while later, Bathsheba sent the king a note that read, “I am pregnant.”

David’s first thought was to cover up that the baby was his. He brought Bathsheba’s husband home from war thinking the man would have sex with his wife while he was on leave, but out of loyalty to his troops who were still on the battlefield, Bathsheba’s husband wouldn’t sleep with her.

When David’s original plan failed, the king told his generals to arrange it so Bathsheba’s husband would die on the battlefield. After the husband was killed, David gave Bathsheba time to mourn before he married her.

This might have been the end of the story, one more political scandal cleaned before it damaged the throne if it had not been for God. In the story, God sent Nathan the prophet to speak to David. Nathan told David a story about two men, a rich man, and a poor man. The rich man had lots of sheep. The poor man had one sheep for which he cared a great deal. One night the rich man needed to feed a traveler. Not wanting to waste his own sheep, the rich man took the poor man’s sheep.

At the end of Nathan’s story, David was angry at the rich man and wanted justice for the poor man. With dramatic flair, Nathan explained to David that David was the rich man and Bathsheba’s husband was the poor man. Nathan then told David that his power would begin to fade because of the terrible thing he has done.

What I Learned in Church about Sex

Growing up in an Evangelical Southern Baptist church, I heard this story at least once a year. My Sunday school teachers and youth leaders pulled it out whenever it was time to talk about sex. It was used as a warning for boys on the dangers of sexual temptation. The central message was, “Have sex before marriage and bad things will happen, like a girl getting pregnant.”

I was told that David’s first mistake was being on the roof at midnight. If David had been in bed like he was supposed to be, this would have never happened.

David’s second mistake was looking for too long. My teachers explained that, Yes, there are beautiful women in the world, but don’t look at them. If you do, sexual temptation might overtake you.” Through this analysis of the story, my teachers gave the power to Bathsheba’s beauty. If lingered on, it would be more than any man could bear.

Above all else, it was important for young men to know that they should never investigate sexual temptation. That was David’s third mistake. He was tempted by Bathsheba’s powerful beauty and he then he dwelled on it. He did the Old Testament equivalent of Googling her. My teachers were clear, “Don’t Google sexual temptation.”

According to this line of teaching, David’s great failure was having sex with Bathsheba. All the other bad things that happened (trying to trick the husband, then killing him, then being lectured by Nathan) were born from the act of sex. If David just hadn’t of given in to his desires, everything would have been alright. It was implied (and sometimes openly stated) that if a man lingers in lustful thoughts, those thoughts will when and the man will fall into sin. The only way to escape such temptation was to run from it.

These teachings stuck with me for a long time. When I was in college, I remember walking through the mall with friends who had come from similar upbringings. As we walked by the Victoria Secret store, we’d talk loudly about how much we liked our shoes. The absurd exercise was a way to acknowledge to everyone around us that we were not going to be like David. We weren’t going to look at Bathsheba. We were going to look at our shoes because the beautiful women advertised in the windows of the store would not tempt us. We were aware that just one lingering glance at a poster could take us down a road that would end in an unwanted baby.

When I started in the ministry as a young adult, I was warned about meeting one-on-one with young women. If a meeting with a woman was necessary, it should not be done in public because people might think the meeting was romantic in nature and that would be bad. It should also not be done in private because then I wouldn’t have accountability for my behavior. I also should not ride to meetings in the same car with a woman, because that could lead to sexual temptation. Honestly, the only way meeting one-on-one with a woman would work is if I did it in my office, with the door open, and another guy was sitting outside just in case. Therefore, in the end, it was best just not to have one-on-one meetings with women unless another guy was around.

Consequences of that Teaching

Now in my forties with young boys of my own, I realize this line of teaching, although well intentioned, planted some bad seeds in my mind.

§  It taught me that David, and all men, were the victims in the story. David was being challenged by powerful temptation, the beauty of a woman, and he understandably failed to resist it. The teaching never went so far as to excuse him from responsibility, but it implied that giving in was the foregone conclusion if he remained exposed to the power of a beautiful woman.

§  It also taught me that Bathsheba and beautiful women like her were tools of temptation. Therefore, they were on the side of temptation. While they weren’t the problem, they weren’t helping. Their beauty was powerful and should be avoided unless appropriate romantic involvement was intended.

§  Finally, it taught me that the perspective that matters was David’s. This story was about him, and it was a tragedy. Poor David had fallen into temptation and lost things because of it. Just think of what an amazing king he might have continued to be if this hadn’t happened to him.

As women have begun to speak out about how they were assaulted, I feel the presence of these teachings in our cultural conversation.

When an allegation arises, we whisper about the women because we can’t help but ask Bathsheba, “Should you really have been bathing on the roof? Don’t you know how dangerous your beauty is for men?” We want to know the man’s side of the story, wondering where his moment of failure came; and after the second or third story is shared, we start asking if this whole thing has gone too far. We question allegations, asking for investigations into them, and then questioning the validity of the investigations when they do happen. We even mourn the loss of the assaulters when they are held accountable, saying things like, “Isn’t it sad that David never reached his full potential as the king because this happened to him.”

The Misuse of Power

Teachings like this version of David and Bathsheba have not served us well. I would, therefore, like to take a different look at the story. One that doesn’t place sex at the center, but focuses on the real issue – the issue we tend to ignore in conversations about sexual assault – power.

Let’s start with Bathsheba since she is the true victim of the story.

Notice that she is never the one taking action.

§  David looks at her.

§  David summons her.

§  David “lays” with her.

§  David tries to trick her husband.

§  David murders her husband.

§  David then marries her.

In contrast to David, she has no power in the narrative. At every turn, she is acted upon. This is not something she chose. This was forced upon her.

Also notice that, excluding a three-word note she writes, Bathsheba is silent in the story. In not giving her a voice, the storyteller is communicating to us that she could not speak. It is a stretch to say that she likely felt denying the king was impossible. He clearly had the power to kill her husband and end her life. She had no choice. Which is why this is not a story about an extra-marital affair. It is a story about sexual assault.

David had all the power. Bathsheba had no power. David abused his power to take what he wanted from Bathsheba.

Yet it is her life that is over. Because David stole her, she loses her home and her husband, and she is forced into a harem she didn’t ask to be a part of. Bathsheba’s life as she knows it ends because David took her.

To hammer this point home, let’s consider Nathan. The prophet speaks for God in the story. God and Nathan do not seem to think the problem is sex. They don’t lecture David about being in the wrong place or letting his eye linger on Bathsheba for too long. When Nathan arrives on the scene to speak to David, he tells a story about power. There was a rich man and a poor man. The rich man took the poor man’s things and this was the great injustice.

Notice also that Nathan does not lecture Bathsheba. He does not hold her accountable for tempting David. He does not criticize her for bathing on the roof. He does not tell her she should have covered up or been more careful. He does not have a story for her about sheep and power. In this story, Nathan sees Bathsheba as the innocent victim that she is. She is the poor man who did nothing wrong.

In Sunday School, we never got to the end of the story, and the end of the story is important.

Before leaving David, Nathan explains that because of David’s sin – his abuse of power over Bathsheba – the baby Bathsheba has given birth to will die.

And then the child gets sick.

And David refuses to eat, lying on the ground in mourning all day and night.

And after seven days, the child dies.

The conclusion of the story is that David is made to feel as powerless as Bathsheba was. Through his abuse of power, he is given a son, an heir, a symbol that his family name will go on; but then he is left to lay on the floor helpless and mourning as he watches that future die, just as Bathsheba had to watch as David destroyed her life.

It is clear to me now, as a grown man with sons, that while this story has sex in it, it is not about sex. It is about power. David had all of it, he used it to sexually assault Bathsheba, and the future she was building was destroyed because of it.

Where Should Christians Stand?

The biggest lesson for me (and the lesson I’m trying to teach my boys is) from the story of David and Bathsheba is about how Christ followers should respond when the story is repeated.

When the course of a person’s life is changed because someone with power abuses it to take what they want, where should the people of God be?

Nathan has two roles in this story.

First, he fearlessly holds power accountable.

David is king. He has armies of warriors at his disposal. He has proven himself to be a mighty warrior in battle. He has all the money, all the fame, all the resources of the kingdom.

Nathan only has his reputation and his integrity. He is the man who speaks for God.

Yet Nathan does not hesitate to look David in the eye and say, “You were wrong. You were wrong and you are going to pay for it.”

If we are going to call ourselves followers of God, we must not hesitate to speak truth to those in power. When they abuse their power (and they will because they always do), we must stand and say, “No. This behavior is unacceptable and it will be made right.”

Second, Nathan stands with the powerless.

After this story, Nathan disappears from the narrative. He doesn’t come back until David is an old man, on his deathbed. And when Nathan appears again, in the first chapter of 1st Kings, we see him standing next to Bathsheba. He encourages her to go to David and advocate for her second son, the son who was born after her life had been reset, Solomon. It is Nathan that orchestrates Bathsheba’s son Solomon becoming king. In the same way, when we see injustice happen, if we want to follow God we must also fight for the empowerment of the victims.

I tell my sons at every opportunity, “If you want to know where God is, find the people with the least amount of power, and go fight for them. You’ll find God there.”

The lesson the story of David and Bathsheba should teach us is not about sex. It’s about power. And if the church of America wants to call itself the people of God, if it wants to play the role of Nathan in the story, then it must fearlessly speak truth to power and stand alongside the victims, because that is where we will find God.

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Sermons

Facing Your Egypt: When Life Overwhelms You

by Chris Brown
written by Chris Brown

Joseph’s brothers had to come to terms with the sins of their past when they were forced to go to Egypt for food. Filled with remorse over their brother’s mistreatment, they had to face their wicked deed when they saw Joseph. Our past can leave us paralyzed with fear or guilt. We end up burying our guilt, blaming others or ourselves. Repentance is the only answer to freedom.

Preached at North Coast Church. Used by permission.

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Articles

Identifying Demonic Control in Church

by Francis Frangipane
written by Francis Frangipane

Jezebel exemplifies Satan’s demonic attack on God’s people, especially His prayer warriors.

Jezebel, the wife of Ahab was wicked, manipulative and murderous. Satan uses the same methods (her wiles) to undermine and destroy the saints.

Satan’s demons, like Jezebel, will target, and then seek to divide, the relationship between a pastor and the church’s spiritual leadership. The antidote? Let the senior leader appreciate, communicate and support his leadership and prayer warriors, and esteem their contribution, and let the intercessors set their prayer focus to first seek the spiritual fulfillment of the senior pastor’s vision.

Pastors are under siege. The war is over one thing: satan seeks to neutralize spiritual authority, and no enemy of hell does this more efficiently than the demonic forces-like Jezebel’s wiles.

When Satan attacks the church leadership-whether it involves temptation, confusion, witchcraft, fear or discouragement-it will always have as its ultimate purpose to disable the spiritual authority of pastoral leadership. Thus, Jesus promised that the church that overcomes Jezebel will be granted “authority over the nations.” (See Rev 2:26-28). The Jezebel spirit seeks to divide, diminish and then displace the spiritual authority God has given church leaders.

Without pastors leading in godly authority, a church simply cannot function: confusion, ambition and chaos reign. True spiritual authority is a source of protection; it is a living shelter that covers and nurtures a home or church. Satan seeks to neutralize the leader in that Christian setting, for if he can strike the shepherd, he can scatter the sheep.

Churches that are influenced by Satan’s attacks are often divided-intercessors undermining pastoral authority.

The deception deepens for often those who present a vision different than the pastor’s are usually presenting something that could seem godly. It is the spirit or attitude through which they communicate their perceptions that opens the door to attack. The unbending demand that a leader conform to both their “sense of God’s leading” and the timing of its implementation is where this spirit gains access and causes division.

Pray The Senior Leader’s Vision

The best relationship between a pastor and the church intercessors occurs when intercessors simply pray the vision of the senior church leader. His responsibility is to lead; their responsibility is to intercede. They are not called to try to make their church become like some other church. For to do so becomes a great source of strife and heartache for all.

God has a unique call, or responsibility, that He bestows upon every congregation. That sense of direction and purpose for the local church is usually given to its founding pastor. When he leaves, the vision of the church is passed on to the church elders who, in turn, look for a new pastor who can build upon God’s historic call to that congregation.

The senior leader of a church, though he is certainly imperfect, is still appointed by God as the “head of the household” (see Matt 24:45) This senior pastor, working together with his associate leaders, has the responsibility to incorporate into the church structure what the Lord brings to him. This responsibility presents itself through a variety of sources. His “leading” may come personally from the Lord, or it might emerge from counsel with his elders or other peers as well as godly leaders and authors who mentor him in the faith.

When one or more intercessors seek to manipulate, pressure or control the church leader with a prophetic witness, beware: “Jezebel” is at work. When church members are being disconnected from the senior leader through a whispering campaign, Satan wins. Remember, Jesus said of Jezebel, “She calls herself a prophetess.” Beware of self-appointed spiritual authorities in the church that undermine the authority of the senior leader or leadership team.

God Loves Order

One cannot truly know God nor appreciate Him as He is without being awed at the ordered array of His universe. Yes, the Almighty loves life and freedom, but at the substructure of all creation there first had to exist an immutable matrix of order. It was upon this foundation of ordered laws of physics that life emerged. Order is the source of life.

We must remember that the very same eternal mind that created the structured order of the universe, created the church. There is a divine order to the church that begins in being rightly related to Christ and the leadership He gives to the church through people. God is a God of order; order precedes life and freedom. God’s mind is ordered; His will is ordered and He gives “orders” to put things in order.

It is important to note that the Lord Himself honors the order He creates. Consider: the Lord appeared to Paul, spoke to him, actually blinded him in His glory, and then said, “rise, and enter the city, and it shall be told you what you must do” (Acts 9:6). Why didn’t the Lord just heal Paul? Why didn’t He just tell Paul what he had to do? Paul would have to learn that, to reach God, he would have to submit to man. This is God’s order and the Lord Himself honored it. Paul had to hear about Jesus from Ananias.

Or consider Cornelius: an angel appeared to this Roman centurion in a dream and told him that a man named Simon Peter would explain to him the way of salvation. Why didn’t the angel simply tell Cornelius about Jesus? In the Almighty’s universe, God works in an ordered fashion. Before the gentile’s could enter the kingdom en masse they would be invited by the Jews, who first accepted Christ. God honored the order He created.

Consider church protocol in the book of Acts. When Philip brought the gospel to Samaria after Pentecost, miracles, conversions and great signs were accomplished. But Philip would not lay his hands upon the Samaritans to receive the Holy Spirit. Why? Because until this time, the Holy Spirit had only spread through the hands of the first apostles. Again, God required His servant to respect the order and authority of the first apostles.

God has an order in your church. However it is established, and in whatever way it is defined, it is a place in order and it should be respected and honored. It does not matter whether you agree or not with the governmental structure within a church; as long as you attend that fellowship you should honor the order.

The issue is not the form of government, but the life within the form. Paul wrote of apostles and prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers; John, however, spoke of the church in terms of fathers, young men and children; Peter, on the other hand, taught of elders, shepherds and the flock of God. The issue is not how the order is defined, but to understand that there is an order already established in a church and that order should be honored. It can be changed, but to change a church structure, one must submit to the elders of that church and be in agreement with the senior leader. They will pay the price for change when they are convinced God is leading. But they should not be forced to change just because someone has a problem with a church expression.

When Satan’s influence begins to manifest in a church, it immediately seeks to undermine the authority structure. If it cannot directly seduce a leader or cause him to commit immorality (and use that sin to diminish his authority), it will bring strife and division to challenge his authority in the church. Remember, Jezebel was a queen who ruled a king; she assumes a “prophetess” role so she can rule a church. In so doing, she seeks to create a counterfeit authority among groups of individuals in a congregation. The result is that the established order in the church is undermined, true authority is neutralized, leaders are then wearied by endless meetings.

“And angels who did not keep their own domain, but abandoned their proper abode, He has kept in eternal bonds under darkness for the judgment of the great day.” (Jude 1:6).

There is a proper abode for each of us in the order of God. Jesus said that, in the Father’s house there were “many dwelling places” and that He was going to prepare a place of each of us. The Father’s house is not only a place found in heaven; it is revealed here on earth in the body of Christ. Whenever we seek to break the order of our church, we leave our proper place and enter a realm “kept in eternal bonds under darkness.”

My friends, stay loyal to the church order where you worship God. If that order does not fit your temperament, find a church that does. If you cannot find a church, perhaps you are called to start one where your vision of Christianity can be fulfilled. But whatever you do, do not open up to false authority; do not dishonor the authority in your local fellowship through gossip or dissension; rather pray the vision of the senior pastor. For in so doing, you will help bring the church into the destiny of God and serve to fulfill the uniqueness of God’s purpose.

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Articles

Here’s My Two Cents about Your Child’s Allowance

by Kevin Leman
written by Kevin Leman

One of my favorite cartoons features a young boy standing at Dad’s computer, while Dad looks blankly at the screen. The son says, “In return for an increase in my allowance, I can offer you free unlimited tech support.” Now that’s the truth in most homes!

Can anyone else relate to this little comic- or is it just me?! With out littlest Leman out of the house, Mrs. Uppington and I are having to call our 2nd oldest daughter that lives in town to help us fix our computers or turn on the TV. She now answers the phone, “Hello Tech Support.”

Anyways, Allowances.

Any of these sound familiar?

“I give Matt, our 14-year old, an allowance every week. But he’s always coming back to me the day after he receives the money asking for more money for something he’s just got to have it’s driving me crazy”

“We give all three of our kids- who are 12, 14, and 16 the same amount of allowances every week. But our 16-year old is constantly asking to borrow money for our 12-yera old… and getting it! Should we give more to the 16 year old because he’s older? Or be fair and keep the amount consistent?”

or

“Our 2 children, ages 11 and 13 are vastly different in personality. Jen, the oldest, is a hard worker. Always doing extra chores. Mark, our youngest, has to be prodded away from his Wii serval times in order to get his own chores done. I was raised in a home where everything was ‘even Steven’. But it always drove me crazy when I would do all the work and my little brother and I got the same amount of allowance. I don’t want to make Mark feel inferior by giving him less money, what should I do?”

Here’s my 2 cents on allowances:

Giving allowances is one of those areas that influence many other areas. Money a child has at his fingertips, how he has received that money, and how he views that money affect not only what he’s able to buy or save but how he feels about himself. In my view, an allowance is part of a family’s recreational budget. It’s one of the perks of being a family member. This is very different view than most of us grew up with. Remember, the chore list on the refrigerator? We all groaned about it, but we did it (unless we could get our little sister to do it for us!) because it was the only way to get paid.

Clean your room: 50 cents
Set the table: 10 cents
Take out the garbage: 20 cents

Doing those chores directly related to how much money we received in our allowance each week. But here’s what I am suggesting: every family member should automatically receive an allowance from the family’s recreational budget. Some family members, due to age and abilities, will have more work to do than others. For example, you wouldn’t expect a 6-year old to do the same kind of work that you would expect from a 14 year-old. But by the same token, the older child also has some perks that younger child doesn’t have- like a later bedtime and freedom to go out with friends.

I suggest that you start a child with an allowance around the age of 5. Give the child, say 5 quarters ($1.25 per week). Age 5 is also a good age at which to begin teaching the value of money. As a child gets older, increase their allowance with respect to her or his age.

Little Kayla, who is 8, is a saver. She puts every penny she received into her buy-a-horse-someday fund. But last year when she heard about a little girl who lost her home in a flood, she dipped into her allowance and sent that girl’s family a special gift- from her own heart and finances. Encourage your kids to think about how they could help other people with their savings.

Children need to know that when the money is spent, it’s spent. There’s no free lunch in life. If your child ask for more money because he/she used it up, say, “Well, payday isn’t until Saturday. I’m sure you’ll make something work.”

Children also need to know that upholding their end of the bargain as a family member is important. If they don’t there are consequences. Let’s say your son doesn’t mow the lawn like he is supposed to, instead of bickering what if you quietly hired another sibling to cut the lawn? What if the money it cost to hire someone else was taken out of your son’s allowance the following week? Do you think you’d get them message across?

Allowances teach children how to manage money- and they also teach children firsthand about consequences. If your child does not get around to a certain task, don’t cajole her, remind her , or lecture her. Simply hire someone else to do that task and take whatever you had to pay that person from your child’s allowance. No threats-no warnings- only action.

I go into even more detail about allowances in the book Have A New Kid By Friday. How do allowances work in your house? What works, what doesn’t? What will you take from this post?

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Articles

Buried Alive! A Parallel Lesson from God

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

The world was captivated by the rescue of the Chilean miners. There hasn’t been such a risky and yet encouraging story in the news media for a long time. Here in Mongolia we were equally riveted to the tube, watching the rescue all night until the last man was brought out of the hole. The audience of our station, Eagle TV, made calls, and wrote letters thanking us for our coverage of the rescue. Mining is to Mongolia what oil is the Arabian peninsula. So as you can imagine, Mongolians were very interested in the fate of the Chilean miners.

While we were all riveted to the TV to watch the rescue something else grabbed my attention. I saw the Gospel in the rescue of the miners. Consider what natural parallels there were to the Christian life.

First, just as the Chilean miners were trapped, so too we are trapped in our sins. Unless they could be dug out the miners had no hope of escape. So too we need someone to dig us out of our sin. We are trapped without a rescuer.

Second, we are unable to rescue ourselves. The 33 chilean miners could not hope to dig their way out of their 400-meter pit. Perhaps they could have started, but how would they have climbed? To what could they have braced themselves to the walls and hope to make their way out of the hardened rock? No, there was no way out of the pit by their own efforts. So too, we cannot rescue ourselves and make our way into Heaven or God’s good graces on our own effort. Without a rescuer we are trapped.

Third, the rescue of the Chilean miners was a cooperative effort. Ingenuity, technology, and cooperation between NASA, the Chilean Navy, and Japanese experts, and others combined to make the rescue of the miners possible. Just like us, our salvation is a cooperative effort. The Father planned and commanded our salvation to be carried out. Jesus went on the rescue mission. And the Holy Spirit empowered Jesus for the work of effecting our salvation. Not only that, but it took someone—a normal human being—to tell us about Jesus, led by the Spirit. Jesus did not effect our rescue alone.

Fourth, rescuers had to go down the hole to help the men they were rescuing before a single miner came up the hole. So too, Jesus’ traveled down to our level to meet us, to make our rescue possible. Had not God become a man in Christ there could have been no rescue from our sin.

Fifth, when the miners finally came up the hole they were immediately greeting by Chilean president Sebastian Pinera. President Pinera was right there to welcome the miners to their new freedom. So too, it is the King of Heaven, Jesus Christ, that meets us when we abandon our sin and let him save us by his power.

Sixth, as the miners stepped out of the rescue vehicle into their new freedom the crowds cheered and the TV audience rejoiced. An impossible work was done to rescue those men! So too, when we are rescued from our sin an impossible work is accomplished by Christ in us and the angels of Heaven cheer at the work accomplished by the Savior.

Seven, the miners’ rescue is permanent. They may one day go back into the mine and continue their work, but their salvation from that dark prison will never hold them again. Likewise, our salvation is permanent. Jesus said that nothing can remove us from the Father’s hands once he has taken hold of us. Our salvation is permanent.

Missiologist Don Richardson wrote in his book, Eternity In Their Hearts, that every person has an Old Testament in their lives. By this he means that all of us have experiences we can look to in our lives that are parallels to what the Old Testament is to the Jews, and us. The OT is there to guide us to an understanding of the Christ to come. It is, as Paul said, a “tutor” to lead us to faith in Jesus. So too, there are experiences we have, even before coming to know Christ, that can help us see our need for a Savior.

The experience of the Chilean miners is an Old Testament experience that for the person looking with open eyes and an open heart, can see the salvation of God.
—–

Tom Terry is President of Eagle Broadcasting Company in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. Learn more about Tom and his ministry at www.thomasterry.com.

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Ask Roger

Did Jesus Think About Having A Sexual Relationship?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

Did Jesus think about having a sexual relationship?

Sincerely, Fred

Dear Fred,

Did Jesus ever think about having a sexual relationship? Of course, He thought about it. In fact, like most men and boys, He thought about it a lot. I have read that most all adolescent males think about sex at least every fifteen minutes, or so. Jesus was once an adolescent. Jesus was fully man and fully God, so explore the following answer with me.

God has embedded the sexual drive deeply into the human psyche. God intended His earth to be well populated as evidenced by His command to Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:27: “Be fruitful and increase in number.” Sexual relationships are God’s method for “being fruitful and “filling the earth” with people. As a human being, just like us, Jesus dealt with sex issues constantly.

As far as I can tell, Fred, except for some false Gnostic writings in the late second and early third centuries which claimed that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, ours is the first generation to seriously consider the idea of Jesus having a sexual relationship. As far as I know, the subject of Jesus and sex in not discussed with any seriousness until our sex-crazed, humanistic society began stripping Jesus of His holiness, purity and deity in the middle of the 20th century. I really appreciate your asking this question. Many Christians today are wondering about how close Jesus came to eating the forbidden “apple”.

Much discussion focuses on whether or not Jesus was capable of sinning. After all, He was God. Could God sin? The obvious answer is, “No, God cannot sin. However, the answer is a little more complex than a simple “yes”, or “no”. I believe that the Biblical evidence makes it quite clear that not only was Jesus temped, He was fully capable of sinning and ruining the plan of redemption.

In Philippians 2:1-11 Paul composed a melodic poem which described Jesus taking seven steps down to humanity and the cross. Paul then described Christ’s seven-step exaltation back into Heaven to receive back His glory as fully God (beyond our understanding). In verse six Paul declared that in the process of abandoning Heaven, Jesus made Himself “nothing”. The Greek word “kenosis” literally means, “to empty one’s self”—whatever that means. Somehow or other He emptied Himself of some of His “godness” in order to put on “humanness.” He remained 100% God, but also became 100% man. This is called the “hypostatic union”. This doctrine is inscrutable.

I believe that His “emptying” Himself is what opened the door so that He could actually sin (for a more extended interpretation of this concept, read my “Ask Roger Answer” entitled, “Son God or son of man?”. In my mind, there is no way Jesus could fall into sin as fully God. On the other hand, He certainly could fall into sin in as fully human. After all, if Jesus could not sin, why would Satan bother to tempt Him at the commencement of His earthly ministry (Matthew 4 and Luke 4)?! Both gospel writers declared that temptation would follow Him all the days of His life.

Furthermore, in describing Jesus’ ministry as our great high priest, the writer to the Hebrews revealed that Jesus endured every temptation (including sexual temptations) that we face—without sinning: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). The term, “yet without sin,” obviously means that He was fully capable of falling into sin—but, HE DIDN’T.

Temptation is not a sin. Martin Luther wrote, “You can’t keep the birds from flying over your head; but, you certainly can keep them from nesting in your hair.” That’s good, isn’t it!?

Jesus taught in Matthew 5:27-28: “You have heard it said, ‘do not commit adultery’. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Let’s look carefully at what Jesus taught in light of Luther’s illustration. Looking at a woman and appreciating her beauty is not a sin. Perhaps even a moment’s imaging a sexual encounter is still not a sin. The sin occurs when we mentally and emotionally dwell upon one particular individual while imagining a drawn out sexual experience with him or her. Temptation has now evolved into lust. The sin occurs in the long-drawn-out visualizing, not in the thought which comes to mind for a fleeting moment.

Did Jesus think about having a sexual relationship? Certainly, He did. Both Satan and/or His own humanity occasionally guided the sexual temptation “bird” to fly over His head. However, according to the Hebrews passage mentioned above, He never allowed that bird to nest in His “hair”.

Tradition tells us that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute who tempted Jesus (and obviously others) to have personal sexual relationship with her. “The Last Temptation of Christ”, a novel written by Nikos Kazantzakis, as well as other contemporary authors, have postulated that Mary Magdalene, out of whom Jesus cast seven demons (Luke 8:2), was His temptress, at least, and more probably His girl friend. Whatever lifestyle she lived before was dramatically changed by her spiritual encounter with Jesus. She became a devoted follower and financial contributor to His ministry who witnessed the crucifixion, prepared His body for burial and was the first to hear the good news of the resurrection!

So far, we have discussed the idea of Jesus having a sinful sexual relationship. We need to ask the question whether or not Jesus longed for a legitimate sexual relationship in a marriage context.

Since Jesus was like us, He experienced the internal-God-implanted-sexual drive to procreate and thus fulfill His Father’s command to be “fruitful and fill the whole earth”. This command applied only in a marriage context. Therefore, I believe that He considered marriage as a viable option for fulfilling God’s plan for His life.

The “Da Vinci Code”, a contemporary novel written by Dan Brown, imagines that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and fathered children by her. He intertwines this concept with the legend of the “Holy Grail”.

Could Jesus have been married? Could He have had children? Some Christians have little difficulty answering “yes” to both questions. PERSONALLY, I HAVE DIFFICULTY SAYING “YES” TO EITHER QUESTION.

I believe that Jesus quickly dismissed any possibility of marrying and having children, His mission was to “bring many sons to glory” (Hebrews 2:10) not to marry and procreate.

Jesus made it clear that the “Son of Man came to seek and to save those who were Lost.” This God-inspired calling far outweighed the distraction and any possible fulfillment He might have gained from having His own wife and children. Would He have liked to be married? Probably. Were marriage and children included in God’s will for His life? Probably not.

Well, Fred, thanks for asking such an intriguing question. I hope my answer gives several provocative and helpful insights to you and others about the sexual life of Jesus.

Love, Roger

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Articles

Healing a Hurting World

by Don McMinn
written by Don McMinn

In this troubled world, we don’t have to look far to see hurting souls suffering from frustration, fear, loneliness, embarrassment, deception, grief, humiliation, disappointment or betrayal. Jesus even warned us in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble.” It wasn’t a threat, just a statement of fact that underlies the hurt and pain we all eventually face. Regardless of the circumstances, the antidote is always the same – comfort.

I am sad to say that it took many years into my ministry to understand how to comfort someone. I remember feeling so awkward when trying to minister to someone who was hurting. Because I didn’t know what to say, I would inevitably say something I shouldn’t have. Some of these unproductive responses include trying to give advice, analyzing the situation, giving a pep talk, minimizing the hurt, taking on the anger, trying to fix the problem, spiritualizing, even saying nothing.

Comfort involves entering into the emotional pain of another person, to actually feel what someone else is feeling. While our sympathy acknowledges that someone else is hurting, empathy – true comfort – goes one step further: “I am hurting because you are hurting.”

Over the years I have learned some practical ways to comfort one another.

  1. Learn to sense when people need comfort and be available and willing to minister to them. When people are physically ill, under stress, unemployed, facing the loss of a loved one, struck by the trauma of divorce, separation, job change or relocation, they will have an enhanced need for comfort.
  2. While it is possible to comfort someone over the phone or in a letter, comfort is best administered in person.
  3. Ministering comfort involves entering the person’s emotional world as well, by actually feeling what she is feeling.
  4. A good comforter must be a good listener in order to discern how the hurting person is feeling. The one who has been hurt should do most of the talking.
  5. Learn the vocabulary of comfort.

·       “I’m so sorry you are hurting. I hurt for you.”

·       “It saddens me that you are hurting. I am sad that you are sad because I love you and care for you.”

·       “I’m on your side, and I’m committed to help you through this difficult time.”

·       “It saddens me that you felt ____________ (embarrassed, rejected, etc.). I know that must have hurt.”

·       “I know you are hurting. I just had to come be with you.”

Use appropriate physical touch – a warm embrace, holding hands.

  1. Express sadness non-verbally. Tears shed for someone else can convey love beyond words. When Jesus sees his friends weeping over Lazarus, He weeps. (John 11:35) Jesus is crying not because Lazarus is dead; He knows Lazarus will rise from the dead. Jesus weeps because his friends are weeping. He empathizes with their sorrow.
  2. Concentrate on comforting, not fixing. During initial contact, the most important thing is to minister to the person who is hurting. At a subsequent time and place, we may have the opportunity to address how the hurt can be resolved.

When we comfort someone who is mourning, we will experience a miracle. It is the miracle of Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” Mourning + comforting = being blessed.  Our opportunities to comfort one another start at home with the child who has been embarrassed at school, at work with the colleague whose name is on the layoff notice, or at church with the parishioner whose partner has asked for a divorce. In these difficult times, comfort may indeed be in short supply.

Don McMinn, Ph.D. (with Kimberly Spring)
Executive Director of theiPlace.org
The 11th Commandment: Experiencing the One Anothers of Scripture

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Ask Roger

Son of God or Son of Man?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

Why did Jesus call himself “Son of Man” and then call God his father? What did he mean when he called himself the “Son of Man”?

Sincerely, Jonathan

Dear Jonathan,

Jesus utilized many terms to describe Himself. He was the Good Shepherd, the Light of the World, the Door of the Sheep Pen, and the Bread of Life. But the term He used most often to refer to Himself (88 recorded times) was, “Son of Man”. The term refer to a mixing of both His deity and humanity. “Son of Man” had significance far beyond the literal words and needs to be understood that light. When Jesus used the term it spoke volumes to those who heard Him.

 

For example, “Son of Man” was a Messianic title. Calling Himself the “Son of Man” was His declaration to be the Messiah. The Pharisees knew this and hated Him for it. The reference comes from Daniel 7:13-14: “In my vision at night I looked, and there before me was one like a son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven. He approached the Ancient of Days and was led into his presence. He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed.”

 

Jesus was saying by using the term, “Son of Man”, that He is the “Ancient of Days” (a further reference to God Himself) who would one day receive dominion, glory, and a kingdom that would span all eternity. Identifying Himself as the “Son of Man’ was not to deny His deity. Using the term was in fact a statement of His deity.

 

Jesus clearly claimed to be God on many occasions (Matthew 16:16-17; John 8:58 and 10:30. The Bible declares that only God can forgive sins (Isaiah 43:25 and Mark 2:7); but, as the “Son of Man”, Jesus had power to forgive sins (Mark 2:10). When Caiaphas, the high priest, asked Jesus whether or not He was the “Son of God”, Jesus responded in the affirmative by declaring that He was the “Son of Man” who would come in great power and authority (Matthew 26:63-64), thus identifying the term “Son of God” with His deity.

 

A second meaning of the phrase “Son of Man” refers to Jesus’ full humanity. When God called the prophet Ezekiel “son of man” 93 times, He was simply calling Ezekiel a human being. Jesus used this term to identify Himself with all mankind because He was, in fact, fully human. For example, Jesus’ humanity shines through in His encounter with the woman at the well (John 4). We find Him at noon, sitting on a well, hot, tired, hungry, thirsty, and asking her for a drink. The Book of Hebrews teaches emphatically that the reason for His humanity was to allow Him to experience all of our human temptations and sufferings. As a result, He could be the Great High Priest who entered the eternal-Heavenly temple once for all in order to offer His own blood as a sacrifice for all the sin of the world for all time.

 

“Hypostatic Union” is the theological term used to refer to the intertwining of Jesus as fully God (John 1:1) and fully human (John 1:14). We see both natures joined in Philippians 2:6-8.This doctrine is said to be inscrutable. In other words, it is beyond the reach of human understanding.

 

As to calling God, “His Father” there is no contradiction with His deity. This was a statement of His submission to the assignment He undertook to put on a body in order both to unveil the true character of God as well as to die on the cross as a sacrifice for sin. Philippians 2 tells us that He emptied Himself of His “glory” in order to put on a body. In the upper room He prayed earnestly for his mission to be accomplished successfully in order to get His glory back.

 

Well, Jonathan, thanks for asking the question. I hope my answer helps. Ask me another.

 

Love, Roger

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