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confession

Articles

It’s Not Too Late to Apologize

by John Beeson
written by John Beeson

“It’s too late to apologize,” Timbaland sang to his girlfriend who he couldn’t trust any longer.

The 2007 song struck a chord. How many of us have people in our lives that we can’t imagine forgiving? How many of us have people in our lives we can’t imagine apologizing to? We can’t imagine apologizing to them, because of that, or right now. Better to just try to make it up, or smooth it over, we tell ourselves.

“It’s too late to apologize.”

We live in an apology-averse culture. We are allergic to repentance and equally allergic to forgiveness.

Think about it. When was the last time someone repented to you? I mean, truly repented?

Not long ago a congregant apologized to me. The email began this way (I’ve tweaked it only to protect the one who sent it), “I might have been a little harsh in my email.. I had a very bad week…” In further communication, the individual referenced their apology. Internally I scratched my head. “When did they apologize?” I dug back through the email thread and saw those phrases. That is what they were referencing.

“I might have…” followed by an excuse is no apology.

I don’t say that to attack the individual I am referencing. In fact, I completely understand why, given the slipperiness of our hearts, and in our culture, they would think that they had apologized.

In our culture, we learn to apologize with phrases that look like this:

·       “Sorry.”

·       “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

·       “I know I shouldn’t have done that, but you shouldn’t have…”

·       “I wouldn’t have done that if…”

·       “That wasn’t my best.”

None of those are apologies.

By not learning how to apologize, we miss out on God’s purposes for our hearts and for the possibility of true reconciliation.

Apologizing is a matter of aligning ourselves with God’s truth. In 1 John 1:8-10, the apostle tells the church, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” In other words, forgiveness is available, but it does require asking for forgiveness.

We know this when it comes to others. “Why don’t they just ask for forgiveness?” we ask ourselves. “They’re making it so much worse.” We see the child turn the molehill of a small lie into the Catalina Mountains in their refusal to repent. We see a marriage crumble because of the unwillingness of one spouse to confess their sin. And yet, when it comes to us…

God reminds us of what we know in our hearts in Proverbs 28:13. He says, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

Let’s run to mercy. Let’s run to true repentance.

To do so, we need to scrub our cultural understanding of apologies and understand what a true confession is. In Ken Sande’s excellent book, The Peacemaker, he explains that a true confession includes seven components. He calls them the seven A’s of confession.[1]

They are:

  1. Address everyone involved (everyone that your sin impacted)

  2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (don’t minimize or excuse your sin)

  3. Admit specifically (both attitudes and actions)

  4. Acknowledge the hurt (understand the pain you cause and express sorrow for causing it)

  5. Accept the consequences (make restitution for the wrong you caused)

  6. Alter your behavior (change your attitudes and actions)

  7. Ask for forgiveness (state explicitly, “I sinned against you by doing X, I understand that hurt you in this way. Would you please forgive me?”)

Allow me to briefly walk you through what this looks like.

1.          By addressing everyone involved, consider who far the shrapnel of your sin flew. If you gossiped, you need to apologize both to the party you gossiped to and the party you gossiped about. If you and your spouse had a fight and your kids witnessed the fight, you need to apologize not only to your spouse, but also to your kids.

2.          We can all smell out the “if, buts, and maybes” of someone else’s confession… but it’s so hard to eliminate them from our own. But an apology with an “if, but, or maybe” is no confession at all.

3.          Don’t generalize, but speak in concrete details about how you sinned in your actions and in your heart.

4.          Give space for the grieved party to express to you the way in which your sin hurt them. Don’t assume you know how much you hurt them. Ask how it hurt them and then listen well.

5.          There may well be consequences for your sin. If you are confessing looking at porn, you ought to be taking measures to protect yourself from looking at porn again. If you stole something, then you need to give back what was stolen.

6.          True repentance comes with changed behavior. This will only be demonstrated over time, but make a commitment that you will never commit this offense again.

7.          Make sure that the grieved party is ready to have you ask for forgiveness. Don’t just rush to this step as I often did when I was younger. Then ask directly for forgiveness. This is a question, not a statement. In other words, it is asking “will you forgive me?” not stating, “I hope you will forgive me,” or worse, “I’m sorry.”

Repentance is freedom! It is not your responsibility to coerce the other individual to forgive you. They may never forgive you. But when you have followed the seven A’s of confession, you have done your part in navigating what true repentance looks like. And in doing that, you have followed the way of God.

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Devotionals

Why Confessing Your Sin is Important

by John MacArthur
written by John MacArthur

“Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin” (Psalm 51:2).

True confession involves a proper understanding of sin.

King David was a man after God’s own heart (1 Sam. 13:14). He was far from perfect, however. He was not an effective father (1 Kings 1:5-6), nor did he always trust God (1 Sam. 21:10—22:1). But by far his greatest failings were his horrible sins of adultery with Bathsheba and the subsequent murder of her husband (2 Sam. 11—12). After Nathan the prophet confronted him with his sin, David poured out his heart in confession to God. During the next three days, we will learn from that prayer (Ps. 51) some key marks of true confession.

Confession, first of all, involves a right view of sin. In Psalm 51 David summarized the biblical view of sin.

First, sin deserves judgment. In verse 1 David pleaded, “Be gracious to me, O God, according to Thy lovingkindness; according to the greatness of Thy compassion blot out my transgressions.” True confession must begin with an admission of guilt.

Second, sin demands cleansing. In verse 2 David asked God to cleanse him from the guilt of his sin. Since God’s “eyes are too pure to approve evil” and He cannot “look on wickedness with favor” (Hab. 1:13), only those cleansed from their sins can enter His presence. True confession acknowledges the defilement sin causes, and it pleads for God’s cleansing (1 John 1:7, 9).

Third, sin is our responsibility. Unlike Adam (Gen. 3:12) and Eve (Gen. 3:13), David accepted full responsibility for his sin. In verses 1 and 3 he referred to his sins as “my transgressions.” True confession does not blame others for sin.

Fourth, all sin is ultimately against God. David admitted that when he said to God, “Against Thee, Thee only, I have sinned” (v. 4). True confession recognizes God as the supreme Lawgiver.

Fifth, sin is part of human nature. “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,” David acknowledged in verse 5, “and in sin my mother conceived me.” David accepted the biblical teaching of total depravity—that all men inherit Adam’s sin (Rom. 5:12). True confession looks inward for the cause of sin, not to external factors.

Does your confession reflect a right view of sin?

Suggestions for Prayer

Praise God that He doesn’t keep a record of your sins (Ps. 130:3-4).

For Further Study

Why is acknowledging sin important (Josh. 7:19)?

From Strength for Today by John MacArthur Copyright © 1997. Used by permission of Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60187, www.crossway.com.
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Articles

Victory over Deception through Confession

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

Let’s do a short study through I John 1:5-2:2 about the importance of deception and confession.

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 2 He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.”

After describing God as light, John then moves on to say that if we don’t walk in the light we are walking in darkness What does walking in darkness look like?

  • (v.6) We lie.
  • (v.6) We do not practice truth.
  • (v.8) We deny our sin.
  • (v.8) We deceive ourselves.
  • (v.10) We call God a liar.

Notice the progression of John’s words about walking in darkness.

  • We lie.
  • We live according to that lie, I.E., we don’t practice truth.
  • Then we deny that something is a sin.
  • We profess it so much that we deceive ourselves about the nature of our sin.
  • And thus, we call God a lair by not believing him about our sin.

There is another scripture that tells us about deception and God’s role in convincing us of our sin. It’s also by John in John 16:8, “When [the Holy Spirit] comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment.” This means that the Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin, but if we disagree with him about our sin we make him a liar.

How and who do we lie to?

There are three people we lie to when we walk in darkness. We lie to ourselves, we lie to others, and we lie to God. Lying is the most powerful tool that the enemy uses to keep us from Christ and salvation.

Remember that the first thing Satan did in the Garden of Eden to deceive Adam and Eve was to question the truth of what God said, by saying, “Did God really say?”

What does it mean to not practice the truth?

Not practicing the truth means to live one’s life according to a lie and end up believing that that lie is the truth. The first lie that John is concerned with is that we lie about our sin. We justify ourselves when we excuse our sin or say that sin is not wrong or evil. If we persist in living a lie, eventually the Lord will give us up to that lie. Paul says this three times in Romans 1:24,26,28. “God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts… God gave them up to dishonorable passions… God gave them up to a debased mind.” When God gives up someone, he gives them up completely. Notice in Romans that he gave up their hearts (hearts), their body (Dishonorable passions), and their mind (mind).

What does it mean to “Practice the truth?” It means to live our lives in obedience to God’s truth as declared in the scriptures.

How do we deny our sin?

We live as if the thing which is sin is not sin to us. We excuse our sin. It’s like an unmarried couple having sex. They use the excuse, “But we love each other, so it’s okay.” But it’s not okay. We make excuses and thus deny that the sin exists.

In what ways do we deceive ourselves?

We deceive ourselves when we persist in living in sin. Because we don’t want to experience the shame of sin, we redefine sin and deceive ourselves into thinking that what we do is not really a sin. Notice that John immediately follows this by saying, “The truth is not in us.” He does not refer to the truth as if it’s from the world. He says that the truth of God is absent from our lives.

What does it mean to call God a liar?

John repeats what he said about, “The truth is not in us,” with a similar phrase. He says, “His word is not in us.” The truth about our sin comes from the word of God. As an example, if we did not have the Ten Commandments, how would we know that lying or stealing are sins? How would we know they are wrong? When the word of God is not in us it is easy to sin and thus, we make God a liar about our lives.

These are all traits of a person who does not truly know the Lord. Jesus said regarding a person’s character, “By their fruits you will know them” (Matthew 7:20).

Sometimes a person might agree that they are sinful, but they compare themselves with others who might be “worse” than them and thus justify themselves. But the truth is that even for such a person these five traits of walking in darkness reveal what kind of person they really are: one who is not truly saved.

What does walking with the Lord look like? 

  • (v.7) We walk in the light.
  • (v.9) We confess our sins.
  • (v.9) We are cleansed from unrighteousness.
  • (2:1) Jesus advocates for us.

Notice the logical progression of John’s words. 

  • Light reveals our sins.
  • We confess those sins.
  • Then we are cleansed from those sins.
  • And Jesus advocates for us to the Father, that we are forgiven of our sins.

Let’s look at each of these contrasting solutions for our sin.

What does it look like to walk in the light?

Light is regularly used in the scripture as a symbol for righteousness and truth. Walking is also used as a symbol for living our lives. So, walking in the light means that we are to carry out our lives living in the truth about ourselves and about God.

What does it mean to confess our sins? How much must we confess?

Without confession there is no forgiveness of sin. There are times in scripture when the Lord expressed forgiveness before confession was made, such as Jesus on the cross forgiving his murderers. But generally, we cannot experience God’s forgiveness without confessing that which offends him. Confession means to tell God what we have done and agree with him that it was morally wrong.

What does being cleansed from unrighteousness mean?

Notice that there is a difference between being forgiven and cleansing us from unrighteousness. Forgiveness is the act of God dismissing our guilt for a sin we have committed.

Cleansing from unrighteousness means that by forgiving our sin he makes it possible for us to walk in the light (v.7). Cleansing us from unrighteousness implies that we become righteous in his sight. Righteousness then is not earned by confession; it is imputed as a free gift that enables us to walk righteously.

If we are cleansed from our sins, then why do we need an advocate in Christ? Isn’t confession and cleansing enough?

Notice who John says we have an advocate with. (2:1) “We have an advocate with the Father.”

Because our sin separates us from God we need forgiveness, then imputed righteousness, and then we need Jesus to advocate for us to the Father declaring our sin forgiven and we can walk rightly. Confession and righteousness are not the end result of the process, they open the door to renewed fellowship with God and then we can experience his love and forgiveness. With Jesus as our advocate, we come full circle in this passage, “We have fellowship with him” (v.6).

So, what is John’s Big Idea? If we live a life of confession and repentance, we can be assured that we have eternal life and will always enjoy a love relationship with God.

Walking in the light means to live our lives in obedience to the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. First, we must live according to scripture. If we don’t live according to scripture, then we cannot expect God to speak to us about other things.

I was talking with a friend one day about his relationship to Christ He said, “I hear Christians say all the time that God told them something, or that he impressed them with something, or he convicted them of something. But I never hear God speak? Why doesn’t God speak to me?

I quickly prayed in my heart for the answer he needed and asked him, “How often do you read your Bible?”

He hemmed and hawed for a minute saying, “Well, my life is really busy and I don’t have a lot of free time,” and so on. Then I said, “If you’re not listening to what God has already said in his word, why would he have anything else to say to you?” At the end of our conversation he was deeply convicted. My friend had to confess the sin of not giving attention to God’s word. Once he did that, he began to grow in his faith.

Applying this passage is rather simple: We must come to agreement with God about our sin and engage in confession of that sin to God. No matter what the situation, when we are troubled by something we have done, confession restores our relationship with God. And through confession we can know God’s forgiveness and be assured that we are in right standing with him.

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Devotionals

Don’t Quarrel, Confess

by Drew Anderson
written by Drew Anderson

“He who [willfully] separates himself [from God and man] seeks his own desire,
He quarrels against all sound wisdom.”
Proverbs 18:1 (AMP)

The tendency of the human is to separate himself…even in the face of overt conversation and cordial fellowship. We just don’t like being open…it feels too exposed. More often than not, we’re more comfortable being withdrawn than we are being open.

For some, it’s laziness. For others, it’s sin desiring to be hidden. For others, it’s personality. For others, it’s intentional. For others, it’s pride. For others, it’s insecurity. For others, it’s fear. For others, it’s past hurt from being open. And on. And on. We all have our reasons for retreat and separation.

To be sure, there are some that would say… “I’m around people all the time. I don’t separate. I go to the small group…the men’s group…the women’s Bible study…Sunday church…the leadership team…the elder board…the pastor’s conferences…the _________.”

The reality? One can be surrounded by people, yet be the most separated (and loneliest person) in the room.

Many things prove this point, but there is one word that stands as the litmus test to one being separated or not…to one being isolated or not.

Confession.

When we’re not walking in confession, we’re more than likely separating at some level.

Let me lay this challenging thought out logically…

  1. If I’m born into a sinful world (because of the Fall), then I have the potential to sin everyday.
  2. If I’m not consciously (thoughts), behaviorally (actions), or verbally (words) avoiding sin at every level at every moment of the day, then I do in fact sin everyday at some level.
  3. Therefore, if I’m alive, then I’m sinning at some level (thought, action, or speech).

Man. That’s hard to write, much less think about.

What does it mean?

It means that if I’m alive, then I’m sinning; and if I’m sinning then I’m breaking down relational connections with others and most importantly with God. The grace needed in this dilemma is not pushing down, avoiding, running from, and ultimately isolating myself. But, instead, the grace needed is confession. I need, therefore, to walk in confession.

Thank God that sin is not the final answer. No, no. There’s a way forward. There is the grace of God through the confession of sinners that not only restores, but heals, albeit in timing not in our control.

What is confession?

Confession is to agree. It’s that simple, but not that easy. When I confess, I agree that what I did (said, etc.) was not only not a healthy way of living, but that my sin was also detrimental to the person, group, community, and ultimately God. It’s hard, because we have to accept responsibility, which means acknowledging weakness, admitting a lack of strength, risk being judged…not accepted…losing any identity we so sorely hope to maintain, and on and on.

To be sure, we can’t be open and confess with/to everyone, and we can’t walk around confessing all day long. There’s to be a balance…a tension maintained…a wisdom in confession must be employed. Most of us though tend to swing to the side of being closed. For more on confession, CLICK HERE.

Let me illustrate this point using a fire. What does separation, confession, and a fire have in common?

In order for a wood-burning fire in a hearth (at the camp, etc.) to be sustained, the wood must be touching. Otherwise the fire will most certainly flicker slowly out. What happens…? The wood separates from energy of the fire.

In the same way, when I’m separated from humans and God (i.e. not walking in confession), then I’m like the log that rolls away from the energy of the fire, and I’m certain to flicker out. Flickering out takes many forms, but often it’s either (or a combination of) a double life or a life built around building one’s own kingdom.

What is the Way Forward?

God designed us to be in unbroken fellowship with Him, as well as with our fellow God-Image-Bearers.

Since sin impacts our relationship(s), thus leading to broken fellowship…separated individuals…unconfessed, lonely, and pride-ful humans, we need wise and biblical confession to restore it.

God’s grace–through confession–brings us back to fellowship with other God-Image-Bearers and God Himself and keeps us connected to God and others.

“When I kept silence [before I confessed], my bones wasted away through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand [of displeasure] was heavy upon me; my moisture was turned into the drought of summer. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!
I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord [continually unfolding the past till all is told]—then You [instantly] forgave me the guilt and iniquity of my sin. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!”
Psalm 32:3-5 (AMPC)

May we burn for God…walking in confession…walking in humility…walking in connection…in the peace that comes through the forgiveness and restored relationship with God and humans.

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Ask Roger

What Keeps God from Answering My Prayers?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,
I’m beginning to get scared. Pandemic surges. Earthquakes, fires, wars abound. I’m worried about my family. Especially right now, I want my prayers to be answered. But is there anything that would keep God from answering prayers?
Sincerely,
Matt

Dear Matt, Yes! There is! The Bible lets us know, without doubt, that the greatest hindrance to our prayers for protection is unconfessed sin. Isaiah 59:1-2 says,

Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear to dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.

Let’s dig a little deeper together.

First, We Know ‘The Pure in Heart Will See God’ (Matthew 5:8)

What happens to those whose hearts aren’t pure? Their sin keeps God from hearing their prayers. If we want to hear God speak or see God’s work, we must first be sure that our lives are clean and pure.

When I was a children’s pastor many years ago, I took a group of kids to the rollerskating rink a few hours away. It was a hot and humid night, as I led the caravan of church members home. Suddenly, I saw red lights blinking behind me. My eyes immediately glanced at the speedometer, but I was right on the mark. I exited the car, and the police officer asked, “Do you know that you ran a stop sign back there?

“No, I didn’t see it.”
“Maybe the reason that you didn’t see it was because your lights aren’t on.”
“I don’t have my lights on/” I reached inside and felt for the switch. Sure enough, my lights were off.
“Perhaps you missed it because your car is filled with children all shouting and yelling and fogging up your windshield.”

I hung my head.

“Do you realize that you have nine children in your car and the maximum allowance in Texas is eight?”
“I didn’t know that.”
So” he said, “Get back in your car; turn on your lights, wipe down your windshield, quiet down those children, and get out of my town! If I see you in Hillsboro again tonight, I’m running you into jail.”
I turned to the children and shouted, “Will you kids all shut up?”

We drove home in silence (with the lights on). Just like turned-off lights, dirty windshields, and yelling children can cause a police officer to pull us over, unconfessed sin can stop God from listening to our prayers.

God Will Not Listen to the Prayers of Those Who Harbor Sin in Their Lives

Let me make this statement very clear by sharing several significant biblical passages:

  • When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right. (Isaiah 1:15)
  • If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened, but surely God has listened and heard my voice in prayer. (Psalm 66:18-19)
  • Then they will cry out to the Lord, but he will not answer them … Because of the evil they have done. (Micah 3:4)
  • We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will. (John 9:31)

 

Sin Is Serious Business to God – He Wants it Cleaned Up

We have a hard time comprehending the idea that God might not hear our prayers. The reason is because we have such a lighthearted view of sin. Sin separates us from God. He declares,

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

The statement, “God answers prayer,” leaves the impression that we don’t have to get right with God for him to hear our prayers. He just answers automatically. But that’s just not true. A better way to understand this principle is to turn it around and say: “God answers the prayer of a man/woman who is right with Him.”

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16)

When we only seek the hand of God to get our needs met, we will often ignore our sins because were more concerned with our wants and issues than our relationship with Him. But, when we seek His face in the radiance of His character, we will have our sins exposed, and we can deal with them.

But don’t miss this; when we sin, our fellowship with God is impaired. There is a block that keeps God from hearing our prayers. On the other hand, our relationship with Him can never be broken. He will always be our Father.

In the same way, the relationship between my father and me can never be broken. He will always be my father. But my dad and I can be angry with each other and our fellowship can be broken. Then it’s time for us to settle our differences and make peace. Fortunately, God has a plan for instantaneous cleansing. It’s called confession.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and to forgive our sins, and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Confession Is God’s Means for Cleaning Up Dirty Sins

Sins need individual attention. As an observant pastor, I’ve decided that most Christians seldom confess their sins. If they do think about it, they are likely to pray something like this: “And Lord, please forgive all the sins that I have committed today.” I want to say, “If that’s the best you can do, don’t bother.”

I had several chores around the house when I was growing up, but I never had to do the laundry. So, after my first week in college, I took my duffel bag filled with dirty clothes to the laundromat down the street. I thought I’d save a little time, so I just tossed my duffel bag full of clothes in the washing machine, put in my money, and turned it on.

Suddenly, my washing machine was bouncing all over the floor. I had no idea what was going on! A pretty Baylor coed came over and said, “Your machine is way out of balance. I watched what you were doing; may I help you?” She stopped the washer, opened the door, and pulled out my sopping wet duffel bag. Together, we shook the clothes out piece by piece and threw them back into the washer.

Later, as I reflected on what happened, it dawned on me that dirty sins are like dirty clothes. They need individual attention. In other words, only when sins are confessed individually does God cleanse them individually.

inally, Here’s How to Make a Good Confession

1. List the ways in which you’ve sinned.
Don’t worry about the sins you can’t remember. You’ll be surprised at how God eventually brings them to mind later on at just the right time.

2. Confess to God and receive His forgiveness.
Confess really means “to agree with,” or to “speak the same thing as.” What it means is that we are to say the same about our selfishness (or other sins) that God says.

Consider what does God say about our selfishness. It is sinful; it causes Him pain; it produces a lack of love; it drove the nails into Jesus’s hands and feet. To really understand, we have to experience godly sorrow:

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)

Godly sorrow means that we experience what Jesus felt when He saw us do what we did.

Julie has always had trouble keeping up with her keys. One afternoon I saw her keys in the church parking lot sitting on the front seat of our car, and the car door was open for anyone to steal. I was angry. Julie was in the church sanctuary leading an instrumental rehearsal with seven violinists. I had enough. I stomped down the aisle shaking the keys yelling, “Will you ever learn to keep up with your keys?”

I threw the keys on the piano and stormed back to my church office where I continued working on my Sunday sermon on love (that really is true; the sermon that week was on love). I began feeling quite badly about what I’d done. I wanted to run back in the church and tell Julie how sorry I was and to ask for her forgiveness. But first, I decided to practice a little “godly sorrow.”

I begin thinking about what Jesus must have thought when He saw me do what I did to Julie. I imagined Him standing there watching me throw the keys on the piano in front of Julie. I imagined the look of disappointment on Jesus’s face. Then, I began to become truly sorry and ashamed for how I behaved.

Only after experiencing this emotional reality can we be ready to move on to actually confess our sin. Now it was time to confess to God (and to Julie). I do not believe we have confessed until we have experienced godly sorrow.

Here’s What a Good Confession Sounds Like

Dear Father, “I realize that I have hurt You deeply by my selfishness, inattention, and wrong priorities, (or whatever) and that was wrong of me, will You please forgive me?”

1. Confessions are most effective if we take the initiative to confess without having to be confronted by God or others.

2. Confession must be specific.
Name the sin. “This morning at 8:30 I lost my temper and yelled at a work associate. I shamed and belittled him in front of a group of our employees. I was way out of control and hurt him deeply.” (Of course, I need to practice godly sorrow and ask for God’s forgiveness before I go to the employee to ask his forgiveness).

3. Use the phrase “I was wrong” instead of “I’m sorry.”
The phrase “I’m sorry” implies little personal responsibility. It can even have several subtle meanings which negate any sense of being wrong. Confession means not only to admit what we did, but to agree with God that it was wrong.

4. Now it’s time to ask a very vulnerable question: Will You Forgive Me?
Of course, God promises that He will!

5. After your confession, put a period and stop talking.
Do not try to defend yourself or your actions. That will ruin everything.

Notice that I began by talking about hindrances to our prayers for protection. I expanded this answer to include all prayers which could be potentially hindered because of unconfessed sins, hoping that you will be encouraged.

Well, Matt, I hope that helps. May God keep you and those you love safe!

Love, Roger

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Articles

Five Hidden Results of Shame

by Christine Caine
written by Christine Caine

Shame. Shame is the fear of being unworthy, and it adversely affects our relationship with God, others, and ourselves. Shame makes us feel small, unwanted, and unloved. And if we don’t learn how to identify and overcome it, shame will ruin our lives and keep us from fulfilling our destiny.

Shame was my companion from my earliest memories, a huge part of my life and identity. My classmates teased me for my Greek heritage, I felt cultural pressures at home to abandon my passions for sports and academics for those of traditional gender roles, and as a victim of sexual abuse, I was ashamed of the horrible things that happened to me.

No matter the source, shame is a powerfully painful emotion that shackles us in the prison of our pasts, and if we aren’t careful, we will stay there—missing out on the beautiful lives created for us. That is why it is so important for us to identify and deal with areas of shame in our life.

Here are five often-hidden consequences of shame that keep us from the life of freedom we were created for:

1. Shame whispers lies to our soul. Shame lies—big time. Even today, every now and then, unless I am vigilant, shame still tries to sneak up on me at unexpected times. Others will find out you are weak, then you will lose their respect and damage your ministry. Don’t be vulnerable! Only project strength.

In order for us not to believe the lies of shame, we must be rooted deeply in the truths of our self-worth and God’s love for us. When we hear the lies, rather than believe them, we must claim God’s truth and love for ourselves, robbing shame of the power it once held in our lives.

2. Shame hinders our ability to receive God’s unconditional love. The biggest lie that shame loves to tell is that we are unworthy. Unworthy of love. Unworthy of affection. Unworthy of inclusion. Unworthy of happiness. When we hear and believe these things day in and day out, it makes it nearly impossible to comprehend that there’s a love without conditions—a love that accepts us just the way we are. But the moment you start to move toward God’s unconditional love, your healing from shame will begin.

3. Shame prompts us to toss away the good gifts we are given. Shame has a way of manifesting in the nooks and crannies of our souls, keeping us from truly using and exploring the good gifts that God has placed inside of us. If we allow shame to keep us from using our good gifts, we will never be able to fully experience the life that God created with each of us in mind.

We need to recognize our value and understand that we are a gift—an expression of who God is—and the world needs what he has deposited in us.

4. Shame keeps us from seeking help. It’s sneaky like that, growing in shadowy places until those struggling with it are too ashamed to seek help from the very shame that enslaves them. It lives within women who worship beside you at church, work in the next cubicle, attend your workout class, entertain you on TV, smile at you from magazine covers, or live next door.

The challenge is that we’ve been shackled in the dark for so long that the darkness has crippled and immobilized us, but the only way that we can be healed from our shame is to acknowledge, uncover, and hold up our wounds to the One who can help. There is freedom on the other side, but we can’t get there on our own.

5. Shame teaches us to hide. For those of us schooled in shame, hiding is our go-to coping skill to guard ourselves against the pain of disapproval or judgment, condemnation or mockery, belittlement or exposure, or worse—just fill in the blank with your unique circumstance. Enough practice and we become masters at hiding from others and eventually ourselves.

But instead of hiding, we must choose to seek. We must choose to seek God’s love, his unconditional grace and acceptance. There’s an astounding promise that comes with his love—that nothing can separate you from it—not even shame.

If I can be set free from shame through the love of Jesus, than anyone can! I want everyone to experience his miraculous love. That’s why I’ve written the book, Unashamed. That’s why I travel and teach. That’s why I help others gain freedom through the work of A21. That’s why I reach out with Propel Women.

I want people to know that they too are free to choose to get up and get moving into the beautiful future God has for them, and discover an abundance of freedom.

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Devotionals

The Key to Contentment is Surrender

by Francis Chan
written by Francis Chan

We need to live lives that demand an explanation. Paul lived this life that didn’t make any sense. In Philippians 4, he is talking about joy and contentment while chained to a prison guard in jail. If you could write a letter to your loved ones in prison, would you write about happiness or complain? In Philippians 4:13 we have the most misquoted verse in the Bible. Evander Holyfield had it on his robe “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…” and I am going to pulverize Mike Tyson. He wore the same robe to fight Lenox Lewis, and he bit the dust. Maybe you use this verse as a promise to ace a test in class when you didn’t study. “I can do all things through Christ.” We need to look at the context of the verse.

This is what Philippians 4:10-12 says:

“I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

Have you learned Paul’s secret? “No matter what the economy does, I don’t care.” How many people have you met that have that attitude? They are suffering and others say to them, “You should be stressed out, you should panic.” In contrast, Paul says “be content.”

Christ is enough. You can have nothing and can be content. You can be rich and be content. I really encourage you to read the Bible with an open mind. Voltaire once said, “God created man in his own image and now man is returning the favor.” We want to recreate God in the way we want to be. I want a God okay with me sleeping with my girlfriend, I want a God who says, “my body, my choice.” One author wrote, “The American church has created a middle-class Jesus.” For example, they say that it’s okay to make your nuclear family an idol. When it comes to you and your kids, take care of them first even before your relationship with Jesus. You never find that in the Bible. Christ taught us to be willing to hate father, mother, wife, kids. He said my true brothers, sisters and mother obey my words. I’m not saying we shouldn’t love our family. It’s just that following Jesus comes first. We need a radical Jesus, the Christ of the Bible. We must not settle for a middle-class Jesus.

Sometimes the words of Christ seem crazy. Like, “Quit storing things up on earth. See the birds of the air. God provides for them, He will provide for you.” If you want to find a radical Jesus, read through one of the Gospels.

Life is a lot shorter than you realize. I don’t believe I’m crazy enough. All of Jesus is enough. Anything we give to the Lord is totally worth it. Don’t let your desires color your perspective. There are things about Jesus I don’t like. I prefer He didn’t say those things. When I read what Jesus says, I’m going to try to tweak me, to conform to Jesus, even when it’s hard to do. As I’ve followed, I have found I understand why He said it. When He said it, I know He’s right. Even things on which you disagree, I would encourage you to ask the question, “What have you made Jesus to be?” You will find that a middle-class Jesus never existed. Jesus said, don’t worry about the future, God will provide.” You can know contentment today by surrendering to Jesus and His Word.

Excerpt from Philippians Sermon Series Part Four, Cornerstone Church, Simi Valley.

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Devotionals

10 Ways to Pray for Someone

by Erin Davis
written by Erin Davis

The truth is, we all have a sin problem. That’s why we need Jesus so much. But if someone you love is trapped in a pattern of sin or refuses to repent from sin, the stakes can seem sky-high. When I don’t know what to pray, I pray God’s Word. With that in mind, here are ten ways straight from Scripture to pray for someone stuck in sin.

  1. Pray for them to see their sin as God sees it.

But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear (Isa. 59:2).

  1. Pray for their hard heart to soften.

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezek. 36:26).

  1. Pray for them to recognize the kindness of God.

Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? (Rom. 2:4).

  1. Pray for them to have a desire for God’s Word.

But he answered, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God’” (Matt. 4:4).

  1. Pray for God’s Word to do surgery in their heart.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Heb. 4:12).

  1. Pray for the consequences of their sin to become clear to them.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment (Ps. 51:3–4).

  1. Pray for them to be surrounded by people who will speak truth into their life.

My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins (James 5:19–20).

  1. Pray for them to recognize that only God can satisfy their deepest needs.

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things (Ps. 107:9).

  1. Pray for them to know how much God loves them.

So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God (Eph. 3:17–19).

  1. Pray for them to repent.

“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matt. 3:2).

(Excerpt from https://liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/

 

 

 

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Devotionals

Is Jesus Enough for You?

by Francis Chan
written by Francis Chan

We need to live lives that demand an explanation. Paul lived this life that didn’t make any sense. In Philippians 4, he is talking about joy and contentment while chained to a prison guard in jail. If you could write a letter to your loved ones in prison, would you write about happiness or complain? In Philippians 4:13 we have the most misquoted verse in the Bible. Evander Holyfield had it on his robe “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…” and I am going to pulverize my opponent. He wore the same robe to fight another rival, and he bit the dust. Maybe you use this verse as a promise to ace a test in class when you didn’t study. “I can do all things through Christ.” We need to look at the context of the verse.

This is what Philippians 4:10-12 says:

“I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

Have you learned Paul’s secret? “No matter what the economy does, I don’t care.” How many people have you met that have that attitude? They are suffering and others say to them, “You should be stressed out, you should panic.” In contrast, Paul says “be content.”

Christ is enough. You can have nothing and can be content. You can be rich and be content. I really encourage you to read the Bible with an open mind. Voltaire once said, “God created man in his own image and now man is returning the favor.” We want to recreate God in the way we want to be. I want a God okay with me sleeping with my girlfriend, I want a God who says, “my body, my choice.” One author wrote, “The American church has created a middle-class Jesus.” For example, they say that it’s okay to make your nuclear family an idol. When it comes to you and your kids, take care of them first even before your relationship with Jesus. You never find that in the Bible. Christ taught us to be willing to hate father, mother, wife, kids. He said my true brothers, sisters and mother obey my words. I’m not saying we shouldn’t love our family. It’s just that following Jesus comes first. We need a radical Jesus, the Christ of the Bible. We must not settle for a middle-class Jesus.

Sometimes the words of Christ seem crazy. Like, “Quit storing things up on earth. See the birds of the air. God provides for them, He will provide for you.” If you want to find a radical Jesus, read through one of the Gospels.

Life is a lot shorter than you realize. I don’t believe I’m crazy enough about Christ. All of Jesus is enough. Anything we give to the Lord is totally worth it. Don’t let your desires color your perspective. There are things about Jesus I don’t like. I prefer He didn’t say those things. When I read what Jesus says, I’m going to try to tweak me, to conform to Jesus, even when it’s hard to do. As I’ve followed, I have found I understand why He said it. When He said it, I know He’s right. Even things on which you disagree, I would encourage you to ask the question, “What have you made Jesus to be?” You will find that a middle-class Jesus never existed. Jesus said, don’t worry about the future, God will provide.” You can know contentment today by surrendering to Jesus and His Word.

What do you need to surrender to Him today? Keep an open heart as God speaks to you.

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Sermons

Why Can’t I Forgive Myself?

by Craig Groeschel
written by Craig Groeschel

Forgiving others is hard, but forgiving yourself can be even more difficult. When guilt and regret fill your past, believing in your future seems impossible. But God wants you to step out of the shame that holds you back and into the freedom He has for you. Join Pastor Craig Groeschel and see how much your future can change when you choose to forgive yourself.

www.lifechurch.tv/open.

 

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Articles

Why Our Transparency is So Powerful

by Deb Waterbury
written by Deb Waterbury

My youngest son, Miles, and I have a unique mother/son relationship.  We most definitely relate on a familial level, but also he appreciates my counsel.  As a minister, much of what I do for women is counsel, but rarely does a parent experience that sort of relationship with her child. Miles, on the other hand, seeks my counsel.  And understand, I do not mean simply my advice.  At twenty-six, he still comes to me for solid counsel on every topic imaginable.

Needless to say, I love that he does so.  However, it has also presented some very touchy situations between the two of us, situations where I have found it necessary to be a little more honest than I would ordinarily be comfortable with when speaking to my son.  I know the value of transparency as a teacher and as a counselor, especially in terms of my walk with God, but that transparency recently took on an entirely new level in a recent conversation I had with Miles.

It was Easter and he was going through some tough times in his life.  He very candidly asked me how God could ever want anything to do with him considering some of the things he had done.  My husband was out of the country and my oldest son was working that day, so Miles and I were headed to lunch at a local Chinese restaurant we both wanted to try.  I had him all to myself, and on the flip side, he also realized he had me all to himself. 

As I looked into his sweet and troubled eyes, I saw myself so very clearly. 

I saw the doubts I’d had so many years ago, doubts about how a God who literally knew not only every vile deed I had committed but also every disgusting thought I’d ever had could love me, much less use me to His glory.

I remember thinking that my deeds disqualified me for service; they disqualified me from anything except condemnation. 

And here’s the kicker: to most people, they did.  After the life I lived became more of a public exhibition rather than a private prison, most people felt that my deeds disqualified me from everything.  It took me many years to understand the love of a Savior who not only died for those sins, but actually knew about those sins before I committed them.  His response in that knowledge was not to condemn me but to go to the cross to pay the penalty I deserved.  That love is astounding, and finally understanding it freed me from the condemnation brought on by others and myself.

Now I was looking into the sweet green eyes of my son, eyes that were wet with tears I understood, and I wanted him to know what I knew.  I wanted Miles to know that Jesus went to the cross knowing him, choosing him, loving him, and then willingly dying for him in spite of all of that because Miles is His.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world. (Ephesians 1:3-4)  

Miles has always been His and therefore is qualified for service to Him.

I was immediately aware of a truth I learned long ago as I’ve looked into so many eyes like my son’s over the years: 

I have to be transparent about my own sin so that others might know the unconditional, ever-present love of Jesus Christ, the Son of God and the Savior of His people. 

I needed to share with my son a concrete truth about my own past so that he could know and believe that sin doesn’t disqualify us for service.  If it did, there would be no one to serve.

Transparency is difficult.  Once we pull back the curtain that we all safely hide behind in our day to day lives, we run the risk of rejection.  There will be some who simply don’t like what they see behind that curtain, even if it is in the past, and they will either run from us or try to get others to do the same.  That will happen, but it only happens rarely.  What usually happens when I am transparent about my own sin is freedom from the bondage of isolation that sin and the knowledge of sin places on the woman with whom I am sharing.  Often we think that our sin is too great or too horrible to be forgiven or to be passed over, even by the blood of Jesus, so we hide it or we cower under it.

What I loved as I looked into Miles’ tear-filled eyes is that he decided he didn’t want to hide anymore. Miles wanted to know how to get out from under the blanket of condemnation that was paralyzing him, so he asked me a very pivotal question. How was I going to respond?

When I’m asked that fateful question, “How can a person like me ever be used in God’s kingdom,” I know the door has cracked open a bit to freedom.  

The decision is always mine at that point whether or not to allow them to see behind my curtain and risk the pain of condemnation.  I could do that or I could placate them with words of encouragement that inevitably heal nothing.  Will I let them see?  Was I going to let my son see who I am so that he can see the love of a Savior and King who forgives?

The answer, of course, is yes!  I told him of a time many Sundays ago when I sinned so grievously that I had never spoken of it since.  I told him that I carried that sin with me for many, many years, certain that not only the gravity of the sin, but the hypocrisy of committing it on Sunday and then going to church and leading worship as if nothing were wrong was definitely enough to disqualify me for service.

As my tears ran freely to join his, I then reminded him of what God allows me to do today.  I reminded Miles of how God graciously has not only forgiven my sin, but that He knew even then that one day I would be able to be transparent about my sin with thousands of women all over the world so that the freedom available only in Jesus’ sacrificial atonement would be made known to them as well.  I reminded him of Paul and David and Peter and Abraham and of how God uses the least of us to show His magnificent glory.  As we cried together, driving to a little Chinese restaurant in Tucson, Arizona, I let my son see me, just as I’ve let many other women see me, knowing that I might be slain for it.  That’s a risk I’ve come to be more than willing to take.   How can I be willing to do less in the face of what Jesus did for me?  I am willing to be slain verbally by the few so that I might be an instrument in saving the many.

Jesus was willing to be by the few so that He would save the many. 

But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

There have been plenty of times that I have stood on stage and shared portions of my past with a group of women and that those facts have fallen on ears that no longer want to listen because of them.  I understand that.  But my reputation has become nothing in comparison to the freedom my transparency has provided for exponentially more women who have isolated themselves in a prison of guilt and despair because of their own sin.  If my past does not serve my Savior, then it is of no value.  But if it serves to release the chains of bondage that condemnation invokes, then I rejoice in sharing, even if I am slain by the few.

Miles and I had a wonderful Sunday lunch of dumplings and Chow Mein, but more importantly, we had a blessed afternoon of bonding in our freedom in Christ.  I have no regrets about sharing with him that afternoon, nor will I have any compunction about doing so again if necessary.  My reputation and what others think of me no longer rate in comparison to the beauty of letting even my past sin work to the glory of my Savior.

www.debwaterbury.com. 

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Articles

6 Ways to Argue Well and 5 Benefits

by Caroline Leaf
written by Caroline Leaf

Conflict is part of life. We can handle it in a godly way, or brush it under the rug. Dr. Caroline Leaf teaches us six ways to argue well.

“Did you know fighting can be good for your mental health? Arguing can be beneficial for both your health and your relationships, IF done correctly. In this blog I am going to give six points on how to argue, and the mental health benefits of arguing well.  

I grew up in a family where many things were swept under the rug, which led to a number of relationship problems even though we loved each other. This is a common problem in many families and friendships, and causes more issues in the long run than if the people involved had just had a big fight, which tends to get everything out into the open (a crucial step to healing!) Learning how to argue well can in fact be one of the most useful skills, and a great way to improve not only our mental health but also relationships!  

What are some of the ways you can learn to argue well?

1. Get clarification:

Before you respond to someone and get upset, make sure you understand what the other person means. Ask for clarification before reacting, especially if you feel triggered by what they are saying or doing. It may help if you try restate what they said to see if you understand them correctly—try see things from their angle as calmly as you can. Remember, assumptions are the mother of all mess ups! Always take a few breathes before you respond in an argument. Don’t assume that you know what the other person is thinking, because in all likelihood you do not, even if you know that person well! I still have to practice this with my husband, even though I have known him for over 30 years!  

Examining and changing your perceptions will be hard at first, but if you practice this over 21 to 63 days you can build it into your brain as a mental habit, which will help you argue better in the future!

2. Practice Grace:

We all need a little grace and compassion at times, because we are all human! It is so important to give people a second chance, and try understand why they may be reacting in a certain way, and try to figure out why someone is upset. Maybe they are just having a bad day, or are going through something difficult. Always consider this before you just assume they are acting this way to antagonize you. Try to see the best first—this is what I call a “grace attitude”. This means seeing this person in a compassionate and understanding way, which changes the kind of mental energy you generate towards that person which can help diffuse a potentially explosive situation. 

 3. Make self-reflection and self-regulation a habit: 

Take the time to think about your own thoughts and behavior as you are at the start or in the midst of an argument. Maybe you hurt that person? Are your words and actions “triggering” them? Be honest with yourself. Are you looking at the person through the past, that is how they used to be? Even I do this with my husband—I occasionally think my husband is not listening to me like he did in the past, even though my husband has dramatically improved the way he engages with me. Remember, the past doesn’t have to define the future! People can and do change, and we all fail at times. Do not hold someone’s present actions against past behaviors. 

Also, ask yourself a lot of WHY questions, because there is always a reason behind what we say and do. And be sure to let go of your ego! Ask yourself what good will pride do in this situation? Indeed, when we let go of our ego, we generate what quantum physics shows are “love waves” that really help improve the way people react to us. How? 

My new app Switch is a great tool for helping you make self-reflection and self-regulation a habit. It is based on my 5-step program, which is designed to help you identify and eliminate the root of your toxic thoughts and reactions, and can help you build healthy, new thinking habits that can improve your relationships. You can also find out more on toxic thinking and how to change negative mindsets in my book Switch On Your Brain and Think, Learn, Succeed.

 4. Watch your verbal and non-verbal communication:

Become aware of what you say and your body language. Do not make sweeping statements, such as “you are always like this” or “you never listen”; these trigger words will only make things worse, so choose your words carefully and watch how you construct sentences. Do not use language that will make someone go on the defensive. This is counterproductive and will only make things worse. Practice using non-judgmental or accusatory speech. 

It is also important to consider your body language, which is 50% of your communication! Stress and anger have physical repercussions, such as the tensing of your muscles, which can make a situation more tense and combative. So, when you are in the midst of an argument, take note of your posture, facial expressions and body movements. Minimize fast and aggressive movements, and focus on loosening the tension in your face. 

 5. Take Action: 

Don’t just say sorry, take action! Acknowledge your own role/responsibility in the argument, and be prepared to give an authentic apology, not just a quick or irritated “I’m sorry”! Really try to change your behavior so that the other person can see that you are genuinely apologetic. Be “solution-minded”: think of tangible, constructive ways you can improve the situation and your relationship to show that you are willing to change. In my own case with my husband Mac, we both try remember to go through the steps outlined in this blog as we argue, which helps us have less heated, shorter and constructive arguments, which, in turn, helps us grow in our relationship!

6. Conduct an argument autopsy:

After an argument, it is always important to analyze why things ended up the way they did. We cannot fix something if we do not know why it “broke” in the first place! Once you are calm, think about how you can learn from the situation, how you can improve your communication and relationship—don’t just “move on” or the same thing can happen again. Use this “autopsy” process as a preventative measure: it is a way to understand how to prevent this kind of argument in the future. It may be helpful to discuss with other person what can be done in the future to prevent or manage a re-occurrence of the same argument, or to discuss the situation with someone you trust. Set boundaries and take note of toxic thought patterns.

The key to a good “mental autopsy” is understanding. When you start to understand your arguments, you can learn from them, which helps you stop overthinking and making assumptions next time you interact with that person (for more on this see this blog) and learn from past experiences (as I spoke about in a recent blog and podcast). A mental autopsy helps you move forward and build strong relationships that help you succeed in life.

What are the benefits of arguing well?

1. Learning to argue well prevents us from building a toxic thought associated with the relationship in question, which can cause brain damage and influence future interactions/perceptions in that relationship (which will only make future arguments worse!). When we argue in a good way, and learn how to “agree to disagree”, we can improve our mental health and our relationships, because we learn that we all see the world in a different way, and will never agree with everything someone says or does, and this is okay! We will also learn to not let past hurts and painful interactions control present and future interactions.

2. We can choose how we want to use our mental energy. There is a limit to how much energy we have in a day. Do we want to waste it on rehashing a toxic though pattern that is based on our assumptions, which will drain our energy and make us feel tired and sick? Or do we want to use our limited energy to build a healthy response into our brains, one that is based on getting to the root of an issue and improving our relationships and ability to communicate? When we use our mental energy well, we can lay a strong, positive foundation for all our relationships because we learn how to listen and communicate in a constructive and helpful way, increasing our wisdom and building strong ties that help us navigate life’s challenges. Choose where you want to spend your energy.  

3. Assumptions, anger, irritation and so on take a lot of mental energy and time, and can create neurochemical chaos in the brain, which not only affects our ability to think clearly, but can also impact all of our relationships. When we learn to argue well, however, we redirect this energy in a positive way, helping build neural networks in the mind that lay the foundation for successful, lasting bonds. Furthermore, learning to argue well prevents chaotic thinking, which has a direct impact on our mental and physical health.

4. You cannot suppress thoughts and emotions—they will end up coming up in some way or another, and can cause a host of mental and physical health issues, including a compromised immune system! Good arguments may be painful, but they get things out into the open, which helps you deal with them so they do not keep coming back to haunt you and affect your mental and physical wellbeing. One hour of arguing properly may just save you years of relationship and emotional problems!

5. We can never learn or grow if don’t fight through our problems. Not dealing with an issue doesn’t make it go away, and it certainly doesn’t help us learn how to improve our relationships. To deal with and learn from an issue we first have to admit there is one, which is why arguing is so important: it sheds light on our relationship problems and where we need to progress. We are connected to each other because we live in an entangled world—we cannot escape human relationship. 

I really recommend you learn these rules and use them immediately when you begin to argue with anyone, even if you have to read them on notes or in a journal the first few times! They have really helped me learn how to argue well with my own family, and have dramatically improved our ability to communicate. Indeed, it is important not to fear arguments. Don’t stay in them long, don’t let your ego rule, and don’t forget to analyze and learn from them! And remember, just one hour of arguing properly may save you years of relationship problems!

www.drleaf.com. Used by permission.

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Articles

How You Can Hijack Repentance

by Thabiti Anyabwile
written by Thabiti Anyabwile

I’d like to list a few ways the biblical idea of repentance can indeed be “hijacked” or stolen.

Unhitch Method

One way to hijack something would be to unhitch the word from the meaning the way a hijacker might disconnect the cab of an 18-wheeler from the cargo carrying trailer behind. In this approach, “repentance” gets disconnected from the fruit of repentance. Think Matthew 3:8 and Acts 26:20. Genuine repentance produces fruit, new behaviors that match the turning toward God that is true repentance.

Without such works of repentance we have reason to doubt that someone has changed their minds and direction toward a new way. The deeds are unhitched from the claim.

Diversion Method

Diverting a driver from their path is another way something may be hijacked. The unsuspecting driver motors along their chosen route when a band of robbers force them from the road, perhaps to a side street, and into a waiting ambush where the entire vehicle may be stolen.

It happens with repentance too. People show up to bewitch the “repenter” and lead them into sin’s trap. Think Galatians 3:1; 5:7-9 and the arrogant acceptance of immorality in 1 Corinthians 5:1-2. The man in Corinth likely claimed to be repentant; he was certainly part of the church there. The Galatians were seduced from the gospel itself–not only was repentance hijacked but the entire faith.

Heist Method

By now you can tell I watch too many Fast & Furious movies and enjoy a good whodunit too much. With a heist you simply empty the vault or the container of its valuables while leaving the vault or container intact. You dangle from suspension wires, avoiding motion sensors to gently remove the crown jewel from its perch in the museum. Then you quietly retrace your stealthy steps to flee the property.

Think the false brethren in Jude’s day who “crept in unnoticed” to turn grace of our Lord into license or sensuality (Jude 4). They stole grace and along with it repentance right from the church’s pedestal while no one noticed.

Switch Method

With this method a would-be hijacker not only performs a heist but also leaves behind a worthless replica in place of the original. The goal is to make it look like the real jewel continues to be in place and there’s no reason for alarm.

Sometimes repentance gets switched with a counterfeit. Think 2 Corinthians 7:10 where godly sorrow that leads to repentance gets replaced with worldly sorrow that produces death. Of course 2 Corinthians teaches us that genuine repentance has its roots not merely in behavior or intellectual change, but in the affections or emotions. Repentance arises from seeing God in his holiness, seeing our sin as a personal affront to him, and really grieving the grievousness of sin such that we change in the power of the Holy Spirit. “Repentance” gets hijacked when people produce sugary substitutes and we settle for it.

Extortion Method

Okay, last one. Perhaps this is what “Chocolate Knox” had in mind. I’m not sure. But extortioners steal one thing by holding you hostage to another. They perhaps bilk small business owners for “protection money” by holding a serious threat over the business owners’ heads. It’s coercion not repentance. It’s lording it over the faith of others (Matt. 20:25) rather than demonstrating that kindness that’s meant to lead to repentance.

The apostles did not practice such tactics but worked together with the saints for their joy. Think 2 Corinthians 1:24. Or think 1 Thessalonians 2:6-7 where the apostles refused to make demands of the churches but were gentle like parents.

These are all ways I suppose someone could “hijack repentance.” Of course, “Chocolate Knox” asserted that a hijacking of repentance occurred at the MLK50 Conference by conference speakers. In context, I think he was referring to the notion that anything might be required of white brethren in Christ before reconciliation could occur with black brethren in Christ. He seemed to suggest that the addition of those requirements nullified the reconciliation we have in Christ and the repentance that brought us to faith in Christ. I hope I have not misunderstood him. If so, I’m sure he’ll correct me.

But if I have understood his response, then I would offer a couple of quick thoughts. There are many ways repentance can be hijacked. But before we can recognize those methods we first have to be clear on repentance itself.

First, as can be seen by many texts of Scripture, repentance toward God requires subsequent repentance toward any we have wronged. We don’t get to say, “I’m repentant and have placed my faith in Christ” and thereby absolve ourselves of any responsibility for any needed repentance in relationships with neighbor. Zacchaeus demonstrates that point marvelously. He proves his repentance toward God by returning fourfold anything he’s taken unrighteously from others (Luke 19:8). He was, of course, repenting in precisely the way the law required in such cases. These were his “deeds in keeping with repentance.” So “hijacking repentance” would mean defining repentance in such that repentance leaves off restitution for wrongs. I can’t speak for the MLK50 speakers (I’ve only heard two talks), but if they called for restitution for wrongs then they were not the hijackers. Those who unhitched such deeds from claims of repentance are the hijackers.

Second, some people seem to be making a category mistake in the discussion of repentance. Some (I don’t lay this accusation at “Chocolate Knox’s” feet) seem to be suggesting that the position of reconciliation we have in Christ somehow dissolves the practice of reconciliation in Christ. The claim seems to run along these lines: “Since we have been reconciled in Christ (Eph. 2, for example) then there are no longer any problems requiring reconciliation and not even any distinctions between people groups in the body of Christ. So, calls for repentance of racism and the like essentially rebuild the dividing wall of hostility.”

That’s a pretty significant category mistake. It is true that we are positionally reconciled in Christ, joined together in a spiritual union in him. It is true that the law and commandments that formed a dividing wall and produced hostility in sinful men have been torn down. Praise God. But those spiritual and positional truths have to be worked out in relational and practical ways. That’s why the apostles held the Jerusalem Counsel in Acts 15, why Paul rebuked Peter to his face for the ethnic favoritism that had him out of step with the gospel in Galatians, and why we get so much instruction about reconciling and reconciliation itself in the pages of the New Testament. The practice must follow the position, otherwise we’re not living out what has been achieved for us in Christ. Insisting on the practice (in this case repentance and relational reconciliation where necessary) is not hijacking repentance but proving it. Those who conflate positional and practical categories attempt a heist or a switch we should avoid.

Finally, it’s important to note that the citation of both tragedy and kindness are meant to lead us to repentance. The Lord Jesus called his disciples to repent at the tragic news of a collapsing tower and a madman murdering worshipers (Luke 13). Though they had nothing to do with those events, the lesson was made painfully clear: Unless you repent, the same could befall you. The apostle Paul tells us that the goodness of the Lord is meant to lead to repentance (Rom. 2:4). There’s a sense in which all our observations between the tragic and the beautifully good are designed by God to turn us back to him.

Some think that pointing to the sins of other generations and calling this generation to suspect problems of their own amounts to hijacking repentance. But it’s not. Naming sins and calling onlookers to tragedy to repent is entirely consistent with biblical strategy. In the face of tragedy or goodness, we’re not supposed to “keep calm and carry on,” getting to the next thing on the agenda. The announcement of the tragedy should excite us to turn to God. So should reminders of this country’s sinful past. That’s not hijacking repentance.

Anyway, thanks to “Chocolate Knox” for the phrase. Now that I have cited you, the next time I use it I will preface it with “As I always say . . .”!

www.gospelcoalition.org. Used by permission.

 

 

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Ask Roger

How Do I Make a Good Apology?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

Recently, I hurt one of my best friends. We both said that everything was okay. But, it’s not. There is a wall between us that hasn’t gone away. What’s the best way to fix this?

Sincerely, Sara 

Dear Sara, 

An apology, accompanied with a good confession is the best way to fix it.

 

Let me tell you how I deeply hurt my wife, Julie—and how we healed that hurt when I apologized and confessed that what I did was hurtful and damaging to our marriage.

 

I was so busy starting a church that I didn’t have much time for Julie. I’d gone two years without a day off.

One Sunday I said to Julie, “Why don’t we go to Phoenix this weekend. We can spend the night in a nice hotel. We’ll have dinner at a nice restaurant. We’ll go to a movie. After breakfast we will go to the mall and shop as long as you like. We’ll have a nice dinner. Then, we will drive back home to Tucson and get ready for church services tomorrow.”

 

It was it was Friday, almost noon, and my briefcase was packed. I was heading out the door when my phone rang. Ken, one of our deacons, was on the phone. “Hey, Roger, I just heard you were driving to Phoenix. My car broke down in Phoenix and I it’s ready for pickup. Can you give me a ride to Phoenix? The repair shop is right on the way.”

 

What choice did I have? How would it look to the congregation if the young pastor refused to take Ken to Phoenix?

 

I picked up the phone and called Julie: “I’m on the way. I’ll pick you up in ten minutes. By the way, Ken called … car broke down in Phoenix … ready for pickup … needs a ride … “CLICK.” She hung up on me.

 

We didn’t go to a fancy hotel. We spent the night in the Holiday Inn. We didn’t go to a nice restaurant. We ate dinner at the Holiday Inn. We didn’t go to a movie. We watched TV at the Holiday Inn. We didn’t go to a special place for breakfast. We ate breakfast at the Holiday Inn. After about 30 minutes at the mall Julie said, “I’m not having any fun. Let’s go home.”

 

We were we were pulling suitcases out of the car when I said, “I’m so sorry. I know this marriage is not turning out to be what you wanted. If you’d like, I’ll give you a divorce.”

Julie looked at me and said, “No, we’ll work this out.” So, we went inside and got ready for Sunday.

 

Over the next several months I’d say to Julie, “I am so sorry. Will you please forgive me?” She would say, “Okay, I forgive you.” But we both knew that deep inside, things were not all right.

 

Let’s make my answer an interactive, working document. Let’s talk about how to make a good apology and confession. (These seven principles were formulated by David Ferguson of Intimate Life Ministries).

 

1. LET’S THINK OF ONE WAY THAT WE’VE HURT OUR SPOUSE, CHILDREN, FAMILY OR FRIENDS.

 

Let me give you a few examples to start you thinking.

 

One of my favorite nicknames for Julie was, “Muffin.” After she got pregnant, I started calling her “Pumpkin” I thought it was funny. Julie got hurt.

 

One of the most hurtful, critical words that I ever perpetrated “against” Julie was at an elder Christmas party. She said something that I thought was stupid and without thinking I quoted the Proverb which says, “Even a fool is deemed wise when he keeps his mouth shut”. (Proverb 17:28). Everyone gasped. I was incredibly embarrassed. I said “I am sorry”, but that didn’t help. I wounded her deeply. By the way, everyone at the dinner table agreed that I was a I was the stupid one.)

 

Until I learned better, I was often insensitive to the feelings of my children. Occasionally, I would tease the girls and they would cry. We finally figured out the problem. I was using “boy humor” instead of using “girl humor”. There is a difference you know. I grew up with one brother and no sisters. I was just doing what came naturally and the girls got hurt.

 

Julie has a hard time keeping up with car keys. She loses them all the time. I’d often get a call at 11:00 PM on Wednesday night after choir practice: “Come get me. I can’t find my keys.” Time and time again I had to redress and drive to church to help her look.

 

One afternoon I noticed Julie’s keys on the front seat of her car. I’d had enough!

I entered the church to find Julie practicing with seven’ little violinists for an upcoming worship service. I charged down the aisle to the piano shaking the keys: “You did it again!” I threw them on the piano keyboard and said angrily, “How many times must I ask you to keep up with your keys”? I turned and stalked that to my office. You should have seen the reaction of the young violinists when they saw the pastor’s behavior!

 

I began working on my sermon for next Sunday. My topic was 1 Corinthians 13 on love. (That’s the honest truth.)

I got to feeling really guilty for what I’d done.

Shamefully, I returned to the piano. I said to Julie, “I’m so sorry, I know I hurt you, I shouldn’t have acted that way. Will you please forgive me?”

Of course she forgave me. She’s a pastor’s wife.

 

2. NOW WE CONFESS TO GOD AND RECEIVE HIS FORGIVENESS.

 

So, I am standing at the trunk of the car… “Do you want a divorce?”

 

Maybe what I should have done, before I talked to Julie, was to talk to God about what I’d done. Can you imagine that if I had first talked to God and gotten His perspective that I might have approached Julie a little differently?

 

We deal with God before we go any further.

 

“If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

 

Confess really means “to agree with.” This means that I am to say the same about my sin that God says.

 

This means to get alone with God and deal with the fact that my behavior is intricately involved with why He had to die.

 

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Corinthians 7:10).

 

Godly sorrow means that I begin to feel what Jesus felt when he watched me do what I did.

 

I begin to imagine Jesus watching as I charged down the aisle shaking Julie’s keys. I saw Jesus in pain for Julie. He knows what’s coming. He’s hurting for Julie and embarrassed for me. He sees me throw the keys on the piano. He watches Julie’s face in horror. My behavior breaks his heart. I begin to get a sense of what Jesus felt when he saw me do what I did.

 

My behavior is not only sin, it is part of what crucified Jesus. As I enter into godly sorrow, what stirs in me is what the Old Testament calls “a broken and contrite heart” (Psalm 51:17) and what the New Testament calls, “godly sorrow.”

 

I do not believe we are ready to make things right with the one we’ve hurt until we’ve experienced “Godly Sorrow”!

 

3. IT’S NOW TIME TO CONFESS THAT WHAT WE DID WAS WRONG AND ASK THE ONE WE’VE HURT FOR FORGIVENESS.

 

Here Is A Suggestion As To What A Good Apologetic Confession Sounds Like.

 

“I realize that I have hurt you deeply by my selfishness, inattention, and wrong priorities, and that was wrong of me, will you please forgive me?”

 

There Are Seven Key Ingredients To A Good Apologetic Confession.

 

1. The Scope Of Our Confession Should Equal The Scope Of Our Offense.

 

If we’ve hurt a family, then we confess to that family. We don’t need to confess to anyone else.

 

If we’ve hurt some folks at the office, then we confess to that coworker. We need go no further.

 

If we’ve hurt someone in a Bible study, we confess to those in the Bible study.

 

If what we’ve done offends others, we must confess to them as well. (James 5:16).

 

2. Apologetic Confessions Are Most Effective When We Take The Initiative To Apologize And Confess Without Having To First Be Confronted By Those We’ve Offended.

 

3. Our apologetic Confession Should Have An Emotional Dimension.

 

Usually, our sin is not only wrong, it emotionally hurts the one we’ve offended.  We must not only confess our sin, but also show concern and comfort for the hurt we caused.

 

4. Be Specific. Name The Sin.

 

Let there be no doubt about exactly what you did.

 

5. Use The Phrase “I Was Wrong” Instead Of “I’m Sorry.”

 

Politicians are experts at deflecting blame: “If what I said about the SPCA offended anyone, I’m sorry.” No, don’t say that. Instead, say, instead say, “What I did was wrong. I did offend you and I am sorry. Please forgive me.” Two or three little words can make all the difference in the world.

 

6. After Your Apologetic Confession, Put A Period And Stop Talking.

 

Do not try to defend yourself or your actions. That will only ruin everything. We all have too much lawyer in us.

 

7. Now It’s Time To Ask The One We’ve Hurt To Forgive Us.

 

Watch the person carefully as you apologize and ask for forgiveness. You can tell by their facial response whether or not you’ve asked for enough forgiveness

 

Some things are easier to forgive than some others.

WHAT IF IT IS REALLY A BIG HURT?

 

Remember the big hurt I inflicted on Julie with the K.D. Phoenix trip?

 

Off and on for the next several months I’d show up and say to Julie, ““Will you still forgive me for that?  Please?”

She even said on several occasions, “Yes, I forgive you for that.” However, we both knew that the issue was not healed.

 

Do you see the problem we have here?  It just hurt me a little bit.  It hurt her a lot.  She is filled with pain and it is hard to forgive a lot of hurt when the one who hurt you is only asking for a little bit of forgiveness.

 

In other words, it’s hard to forgive ten gallons worth of hurt when the perpetrator is only asking for a pint’s worth of forgiveness.

 

So, one evening after dinner, we sat in our blue chairs in the living room and I said to Julie, “I don’t care how long it takes, I want you to take all the time you need to tell me how much I’ve hurt you.

I really did the one to know what ten gallons of hurt really felt like.

 

“Roger, you’ve betrayed me. The church is your mistress. You spend more time with her than you spend with me.”

 

I felt so rejected. We were going to be ministry partners; however, you continually do things with others instead of me.

 

Do you know how sad I feel? It’s not supposed to be this way.

 

(This is when Julie started crying.)

 

I’ve been so afraid. Remember when you were out of town and that man got on the roof and called on his cell phone to say that he was going to get me? And you were nowhere around.

 

Do you know how lonely I feel? I sit home alone night after night while you are out with one church activity or another.

 

I’m afraid of what our future will look like if it looks anything like our past. I’m not sure I can make it.”

 

(Now I began crying.) I began to realize just how much hurt I had laid on her.

 

Do you know how devalued I feel. Everything revolves around you. I’m not even there.

 

The more she shares her pain, the more I sense just how deeply I’ve hurt her.

 

8. At this point, it is time to experience James 5:16: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed.”

 

Healing means that the relationship is restored.

 

Healing means that we work to restore trust.

 

Admitting wrongdoing builds trusts—covering up wrong erodes it.

 

An honest apology builds trust—excuses erode it.

 

Changed behavior builds trusts—repeated wrongdoing erodes it.

 

Comforting may now be appropriate. This means that we may say things like, “I’m so sorry you’ve been through such a painful time. It breaks my heart to see you in so much despair. I know you’ve been hurting deeply, and life and relationships are not supposed to be this way. I’m so sorry.”

 

By the way, after you’ve made your apologetic confession you may want to ask, “Are there other ways that I have hurt you that I’m not seeing?” If so, share them with me. I’d like to get them right with God and you.” Then, work through the process again.

 

Well Sara, I hope this helps. If you have more questions, please let me know.

 

Love, Roger

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Ask Roger

Why Do We Blame Others for our Mistakes?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

 

We live in an age of Blamers. Won’t anybody stand up and admit they are guilty without making excuses! We were discussing this in my small group and we wondered, “What does the Bible say about blaming others for our problems?”

Sincerely, Dan,

 

Dear Dan,

The problem is that we have disconnected rights from responsibilities. People are fixated on their rights; but, have a shriveled sense of responsibility. As a result, if they don’t get what they want, they assume it must be somebody else’s fault. “Don’t blame me!”

 

The classic biblical teaching regarding dodging blame is Exodus 32. We find here the story of Aaron and the golden calf. While Moses was up on Mount Sinai receiving the Ten Commandments, Aaron was busy making Israel a god they could see like those in Egypt! After all, it’s easier to worship a visible God than one who can’t be seen! Jehovah God was more than a little angry because of their sin and blasphemy.

 

The key passage is Exodus 32:24: “So I told them, ‘whoever has any gold jewelry take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!”

 

“DON’T BLAME ME! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!”

 

A growing compulsion of all Americans of all creeds, colors, incomes, young or old, the sickly or the robust, the guilty as well as the innocent, is to ascribe to themselves the status of victim so that whatever is wrong, incomplete, or just plain unpleasant is someone else’s fault.

 

In an incredible series of recent cases, some men injured themselves in refrigerator races in which large, usually beefy guys, strapped refrigerators to their backs to see who could can run the fastest and the farthest. They argued that the warnings against carrying these appliances were insufficient. They claimed that it was the manufacturer’s fault! The refrigerators should have carried warnings that strapping refrigerators to your back and racing could be injurious to your health.

 

Thirty years ago, when that refrigerator was manufactured, it might never have occurred to someone who hurt his back to sue the manufacturer. But times have changed.

 

“Don’t blame me!”

 

AARON AND THE GOLDEN CALF

 

Exodus 32 records one of the darkest points in Israel’s history. The plagues that Jehovah rained down on the Egyptians did not touch Israel. Six weeks earlier they exited Egypt to freedom. The Red Sea had split. Pharaoh’s army was wiped out before their eyes! He fed them manna and quail and brought them water from a rock! How quickly they forgot.

 

The people began to rant and rave: “Make us a god we can see.” This is not such a strange request. God is a spirit; he can’t be seen.

 

Worshiping a single invisible God is quite different from worshiping the many gods of Egypt. Statues and idols dedicated to the Egyptian’s gods were everywhere. The most significant god visible to the Egyptians was Apis, the bull god. The Israelites had seen Apis and noticed its power. In Memphis, Egypt, the temple which was sacred to Apis worship was discovered in 1850. Close nearby were mummy pits in which no fewer than 1200 bull mummies were found.

 

Against this background, the Israelites demanded a bull.

 

On such a day we all have the opportunity to stand as a man or woman of integrity. Any dead fish can flow down the stream with the crowd. Aaron was flowing downstream with the current.

 

So, Aaron made a golden calf. It probably had a wooden center and was overlaid with gold. The people partied! A scene far more voluptuous than I care to deal with in public broke out. It was a time of drunkenness, debauchery, and wicked sexual sin.

 

The climax came when Moses made his way down the mountain. The two brothers, Moses and Aaron stood face-to-face.

 

“Why did you do it, Aaron? Why?”

 

“Now, look here, Moses, all I did was throw the gold into the fire and out jumped this calf. Don’t blame me.”

 

We haven’t failed until we start blaming someone else.

 

Trying to get out from under all of this, Aaron took a course as old as time. He went back to the garden. Confronted with this sin, he exclaimed, “The woman which you gave me; it was her fault.” Eve said, “The servant beguiled me.” It was his fault.

 

WE BLAME OTHERS. WE BLAME CIRCUMSTANCES! WE BLAME SOCIETY.

 

“Don’t push me, Moses, or I’ll blame the people. It’s their fault.”

 

“Moses, it was the crowd, the circumstances, the fire, the system, the school, the government, the administration. They are the problem.”

 

The trend today is that the victims of “social injustice” should not be held accountable for the wrongs they do.

 

In the famous “Twinkie Defense,” Dan White, who killed San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk, argued that he was a victim of temporary insanity brought about by eating junk food.

 

WE ARE OFTEN THE CREATORS OF THE VERY ENVIRONMENTS THAT WE TRY TO BLAME ON OTHERS.

 

We jump in a current flowing the wrong way and somewhere we hit a snag. Who’s to blame? Certainly not us! It’s the rock or the stream. “It wasn’t my fault! The current pushed me that way!”

 

But, we forget that it’s we who jumped in the river.

 

FIRE ONLY HARDENS WHAT WE PUT IN.

 

Aaron made the golden calf. The fire only hardened what he put in.

 

I’ve heard fathers say in so many words, “Don’t blame me. I put my son into the world and this is what came out. The world did it.” Unfortunately, these men forget that the world only hardens what they have already fashioned.

 

Americans are developing an aversion to risk; but that is an incomplete picture. Americans are willing to take risks. They are willing to do stupid and dangerous things like holding refrigerator races. What they’re not willing to do is accept the consequences of their actions.

 

WHAT AM I TO DO?

 

1. Always Tell The Truth.

 

Truth is like a lion. Set it free and it can always defend itself.

 

In the long run, telling the truth will always be better than telling lies.

 

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

 

2. If You’re Guilty, Stop Making Excuses.

 

Most people will quickly forgive those who take responsibility for their actions when they say “I’m sorry. I did it.”

 

“But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, ‘I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me”’ (Luke 14:18).

 

In an age when everyone wants to make an excuse, admit what you’ve done wrong and stop talking. Put a period right there.

 

3. If You’re Wrong,  Admit It And Accept The Consequences.

 

In a culture of “cover-ups,” people are more likely to forgive us if we’ll just admit that we’ve done wrong. Instead, we fool no one by spouting a bundle of lies.

 

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover-up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and you forgave the guilt of my sin” (Psalm 32:1-11).

 

4. Have A Humble Attitude Like The Disciples When Jesus Revealed That One Of Them Would Betray Him: “Lord, is it I?”

 

This calls for humility. No one is above sin.

 

“When evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the Twelve. And while they were eating, he said, ‘I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me.”’ They were very sad and began to say to him one after the other, Lord, ‘Is it I?”’ (Matthew 26:20-22).

 

5. Now Enjoy The Delights Of A Clean Conscience.

 

We confess our sins to God in order to receive his forgiveness so that our conscience is clean with God. We are to keep our consciences clear by obeying God and keeping our relationship with Him in good standing. We do this by the application of His Word, renewing and softening our hearts continually.

 

“Pray for us. We are sure that we have a clear is and desire to live honorably in every way” (Hebrews 13:18).

 

“If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive our sin, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

 

 

Well, Dan, I hope this helps.

 

Love, Roger

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Articles

Levels of Prayer

by Neil Anderson
written by Neil Anderson

Psalm 95 is a model for approaching God in prayer. It begins with praise and thanksgiving. The Apostle Paul seldom mentioned prayer in the New Testament without an attitude of gratitude.

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers” (Ephesians 1:16).

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6).

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful” (Colossians 4:2).

“Be joyful always; pray continuously; give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:16).

“Let us come before him with thanksgiving” (Psalm 95:2).

There are three levels of communicating with God in prayer.

Each level incorporates praise and thanksgiving. The first level is petition, which Paul mentioned in Philippians 4:6. James adds, “You do not have because you do not ask” (4:2). However, he qualifies this by saying, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (4:3). Petitions should be consistent with the Lord’s Prayer discussed previously.

Petition is all too often one way communication and people tire of that.

The next level of prayer is personal and more like a dialogue.

As we personally and humbly approach God (Psalm 95:6-7), the Psalmist says, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts” (vss. 7-8). The word “hear” means to listen so as to obey. If we heard from God we may be inclined to “harden our hearts” since the first items on God’s list are issues that concern our relationship with Him. So if there are unresolved moral issues that you have never confessed to God, rest assured that will be at the top of His list. All those distracting thoughts that we struggled with while petitioning Him in level one are from God or allowed by God to get our attention, even if they are from the enemy. The Lord wants us to actively deal with whatever comes to our minds during prayer. There is nothing we can’t talk to God about, because He already knows the thoughts and attitudes of our hearts (Hebrews 4:12,13). These issues are critical since they relate to our relationship with God, which is always His first concern.

When prayer becomes this personal, we begin to pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Psalm 95 is a model for approaching God in prayer. It begins with praise and thanksgiving. The Apostle Paul seldom mentioned prayer in the New Testament without an attitude of gratitude. “I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers” (Ephesians 1:16). “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6). “Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful” (Colossians 4:2). “Be joyful always; pray continuously; give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:16). “Let us come before him with thanksgiving” (Psalm 95:2).

There are three levels of communicating with God in prayer. Each level incorporates praise and thanksgiving. The first level is petition, which Paul mentioned in Philippians 4:6. James adds, “You do not have because you do not ask” (4:2). However, he qualifies this by saying, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (4:3). Petitions should be consistent with the Lord’s Prayer discussed previously.

Petition is all too often one way communication and people tire of that. The next level of prayer is personal and more like a dialogue. As we personally and humbly approach God (Psalm 95:6-7), the Psalmist says, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts” (vss. 7-8). The word “hear” means to listen so as to obey. If we heard from God we may be inclined to “harden our hearts” since the first items on God’s list are issues that concern our relationship with Him. So if there are unresolved moral issues that you have never confessed to God, rest assured that will be at the top of His list. All those distracting thoughts that we struggled with while petitioning Him in level one are from God or allowed by God to get our attention, even if they are from the enemy. The Lord wants us to actively deal with whatever comes to our minds during prayer. There is nothing we can’t talk to God about, because He already knows the thoughts and attitudes of our hearts (Hebrews 4:12,13). These issues are critical since they relate to our relationship with God, which is always His first concern.

In my opinion, intercessory prayer is the highest level of prayer.

When prayer becomes this personal, we begin to pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17). This makes intercessory prayer possible, which is the highest level. There are few true intercessors who are intimate enough with God to hear His voice and obey. Intercessors hear from God, sense the burden to pray and continue in prayer until the burden leaves. Seldom is their prayer time made public. It is usually in the privacy of their homes and often late at night. God accomplishes much of his work through these dear saints who know how to pray. There are few true intercessors who are intimate enough with God to hear His voice and obey. Intercessors hear from God, sense the burden to pray and continue in prayer until the burden leaves. Seldom is their prayer time made public. It is usually in the privacy of their homes and often late at night. God accomplishes much of his work through these dear saints who know how to pray.

www.ficm.org. Used by permission.

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Articles

What is True Biblical Repentance?

by John MacArthur
written by John MacArthur

Repentance is no more a meritorious work than its counterpart, faith.

Repentance is an inward response.

Genuine repentance pleads with the Lord to forgive and deliver from the burden of sin and the fear of judgment and hell. It is the attitude of the publican who, fearful of even looking toward heaven, smote his breast and cried, “God, be merciful to me, the sinner!” (Luke 18:13). Repentance is not merely behavior reform. But because true repentance involves a change of heart and purpose, it inevitably results in a change of behavior.

Like faith, repentance has intellectual, emotional, and volitional ramifications.

Berkhof describes the intellectual element of repentance as “a change of view, a recognition of sin as involving personal guilt, defilement, and helplessness.” The emotional element is “a change of feeling, manifesting itself in sorrow for sin committed against a holy God.” The volitional element is “a change of purpose, an inward turning away from sin, and a disposition to seek pardon and cleansing.” (Berkhof, Systematic Theology, 486) Each of those three elements is deficient apart from the others. Repentance is a response of the total person; therefore some speak of it as total surrender.

Obviously, that view of repentance is incompatible with no-lordship theology. What do no-lordship teachers say about repentance? They do not fully agree among themselves.

Some radical no-lordship protagonists simply deny that repentance has any place in the gospel appeal: “Though genuine repentance may precede salvation, … it need not do so. And because it is not essential to the saving transaction as such, it is in no sense a condition for that transaction” (Hodges, Absolutely Free, 146). This view hinges on making the “saving transaction” nothing more than forensic justification (God’s gracious declaration that all the demands of the law are fulfilled on behalf of the believing sinner through the righteousness of Jesus Christ). This single-faceted “saving transaction” does not even bring the sinner into a right relationship with God. Thus the radical no-lordship view offers this peculiar formula: “If the issue is simply, ‘What must I do to be saved?’ the answer is to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ (Ac 16:31). If the issue is the broader one, ‘How can I get on harmonious terms with God?’ the answer is ‘repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ’ (Ac 20:21)” (AF 146).

The insinuations underlying those statements are staggering.

How or why would anyone who is unrepentant raise the question, “What must I do to be saved?”

What would such a person be seeking salvation from? In what sense is salvation a separate issue from “get[ting] on harmonious terms with God”? Is it possible to obtain eternal salvation with no sense of the gravity of one’s own sin and alienation from God? That is the implication of radical no-lordship teaching.

But the predominate no-lordship view on repentance is simply to redefine repentance as a change of mind—not a turning from sin or a change of purpose. This view states, “In both the Old and New Testaments repentance means ‘to change one’s mind’ ” (Ryire, So Great Salvation, 92). “Is repentance a condition for receiving eternal life? Yes, if it is repentance or changing one’s mind about Jesus Christ. No if it means to be sorry for sin or even resolve to turn from sin” (SGS 99). Repentance by that definition is simply a synonym for the no-lordship definition of faith. It is simply an intellectual exercise.

Note that the no-lordship definition of repentance explicitly denies the emotional and volitional elements in Berkhof’s description of repentance. No-lordship repentance is not “be[ing] sorry for sin or even resolv[ing] to turn from sin.” It means simply “changing one’s mind about his former conception of God and disbelief in God and Christ” (SGS 98). Again, one could experience that kind of “repentance” without any understanding of the gravity of sin or the severity of God’s judgment against sinners. It is a remorseless, hollow, pseudorepentance.

Repentance in the Bible

Does the no-lordship definition of repentance square with Scripture? It clearly does not. It is true that sorrow from sin is not repentance. Judas felt remorse, but he didn’t repent (Matt. 27:3). Repentance is not just a resolve to do better; everyone who has ever made New Year’s resolutions knows how easily human determination can be broken. Repentance certainly is not penance, an activity performed to try to atone for one’s own sins.

But neither is repentance a solely intellectual issue.

Surely even Judas changed his mind; what he didn’t do was turn from his sin and throw himself on the Lord for mercy.

Repentance is not just a change of mind; it is a change of heart.

It is a spiritual turning, a total about-face. Repentance in the context of the new birth means turning from sin to the Savior.

It is an inward response, not external activity, but its fruit will be evident in the true believer’s behavior (Luke 3:8).
It has often been said that repentance and faith are two sides of the same coin.

That coin is called conversion. Repentance turns from sin to Christ, and faith embraces Him as the only hope of salvation and righteousness. That is what conversion means in simple terms.

Faith and repentance are distinct concepts, but they cannot occur independently of each other. Genuine repentance is always the flip side of faith; and true faith accompanies repentance. As Berkhof stated in his Systematic Theology, “The two cannot be separated” (p. 487).

Isaiah 55:1-13, the classic Old Testament call to conversion, shows both sides of the coin. Faith is called for in several ways: “Come to the waters … buy wine and milk without money and without cost” (v. 1 ). “Eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance” (v. 2 ). “Listen, that you may live” (v. 3 ). “Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near” (v. 6 ).

But the passage also enjoins repentance: “Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the Lord” (v. 7 ).

As that verse demonstrates, the issue in repentance is moral, not merely intellectual. What repentance calls for is not only a “change of mind” but a turning away from the love of sin. A leading New Testament dictionary emphasizes that the New Testament concept of repentance is not predominately intellectual. “Rather the decision by the whole man to turn around is stressed. It is clear that we are concerned neither with a purely outward turning nor with a merely intellectual change of ideas.” (NIDNT, 1:358) Another principal theological dictionary defines repentance as:

“…radical conversion, a transformation of nature, a definitive turning from evil, a resolute turning to God in total obedience (Mk. 1:15 ; Mt. 4:17 ; 18:3)…. This conversion is once-for-all. There can be no going back, only advance in responsible movement along the way now taken. It affects the whole man, first and basically the centre of personal life, then logically his conduct at all times and in all situations, his thoughts, words and acts ( Mt. 12:33 ff. par.; 23:26 ; Mk. 7:15 par.). The whole proclamation of Jesus … is a proclamation of unconditional turning to God, of unconditional turning from all that is against God, not merely that which is downright evil, but that which in a given case makes total turning to God impossible…. It is addressed to all without distinction and presented with unmitigated severity in order to indicate the only way of salvation there is. It calls for total surrender, total commitment to the will of God. … It embraces the whole walk of the new man who is claimed by the divine lordship. It carries with it the founding of a new personal relation of man to God…. It awakens joyous obedience for a life according to God’s will.” (Kittel, TDNT, 4:1002-3)

Copyright 2009, Grace to You. All rights reserved.  Used by permission. www.gty.org.

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Articles

What’s the Real Purpose of Marriage?

by Bryan Blagg
written by Bryan Blagg

Genesis 2:18 “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.” NIV

I will make….. 

…a helper who is just right for him. NLT

…a helper fit for him. ESV

…a suitable helper. BSB

…a helper suitable for him. NAS

…a help meet for him. KJV

…a helper corresponding to him. CSB

…a suitable partner for him. CEV

…a suitable companion for him. GNT

…a helper as his complement. HCSB

…an authority corresponding to him. ISV

…a help like unto himself. Douay-Rheims

…a helpmate, his like.  DBT

…a helper – as his counterpart. YLT

 

Our spouse is God’s divine instrument to make us like Jesus.

 

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  He completed His creation with man on the sixth day. Chapter 2 begins with God creating Eve from Adam’s rib, and ends the chapter by instituting marriage. Before governments existed, there was marriage.  Before the Law existed, there was marriage. Before the church existed, there was marriage.  Before the Fall, there was marriage.  Before the cross, there was marriage.  Marriage, by divine inspiration, is God’s original resource for navigating our walk towards greater faith.  First creation, then man, then woman, then marriage. that’s how instrumental marriage is for our sanctity.  God knew what lay ahead for Adam after the fall and gave him a partner for the daily struggles.

 

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish ‘til death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance.”

 

Marriage provides confidentiality; it’s a place of privacy to process the battles and victories of our day. Marriage provides accountability. We should confess to our spouses our shortcomings.  Marriage provides companionship. We experience life together.  Marriage provides fellowship for weariness, celebration for successes, mourning for the valleys.  More importantly, marriage provides the weapon for success against our great Enemy.

 

We battle a mighty foe.  An unrelenting enemy.  He attacks our minds and our wills: our thoughts, words and actions.  He tempts us with worldliness: peer pressure, political correctness, secularism, atheism.  He attacks our flesh: illness, death, joblessness.  The attack is constant, different every day and focused on our destruction.  It’s a warfare beyond our ability to overcome apart from Christ.  God knew this.  God said “…it is not good for man to be alone” against this constant barrage.  God’s design from the very beginning was for our spouses to stand alongside us and to strengthen us.

 

We are born of the flesh.  We have no natural defenses against our flesh.  God instituted parents/family to be the first line of protection while we are mere children. God instituted moral laws and with it we have knowledge of good and evil and are taught moral behavior.  God instituted government to protect us from moral corruption, hatred and injustice. Lastly, God instituted the church; a place of refuge and fellowship to share in our struggles and successes.  These institutions were created for the physical.  However, the first institution created was for the spiritual.

 

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. Romans 8:5 ESV
 

Marriage begins with shedding of simple selfish, individualistic habits.  What we used to do when single, we no longer do married.  Marriage quickly grows with providing for another person’s needs and putting our needs second.  Both spouses begin to put each other first.  Both spouses try to please each other by striving to meet the needs and wants of the other. By outside influence, we stay focused on the worldly issues: wealth, health, appearance, tangible objects, but the design of marriage has a more spiritual reason.  Marriage strengthens faith in the soul, our soulmate, so we can grow in trust and rest for our Heavenly Father.

 

Separated by our innate flesh from our holy and righteous God, faith in Jesus justifies us.  At that moment, we become reconciled to God through the blood of Jesus. Our purpose is to be formed into the image of Jesus. By divine decree God gave us a helper for the battle.

 

Put to death the deeds of the body, our sin nature.

 

John describes the characteristics of spiritual children, young men and fathers to illustrate our progression of growth.  An infant drinking milk compared to eating solid food is another metaphor used for progression.  And Jesus simply gets to the point when He calls out the disciples for being of little faith.  The walk of the believer is to grow in faith.  Marriage provides the basic tool for the progression of strengthening faith: a helper, a help meet, a helpmate, and my favorite – a companion.

 

Women deal with great pain.  Child birth is not an enjoyable event.  Bones literally move inside the body as the birth canal readies for delivery.  Our wives can handle painful issues.  Women excel at emotional issues.  They are experts at talking and relating and corresponding.  Women contain great moral compasses; they know right from wrong.  Women often handle failure better; they cry to process their pain.  Husbands, we need to use our wives’ strengths and release the burdens we carry from our day. Confession and humility before God and your spouse is essential to spiritual power in a marriage.

 

Men have attributes that are needed for the unity of marriage.  Men can defend the front line, stand amidst the flying bullets and stay on task.  Men have great potential for wisdom, perseverance and focus. Husbands are to be steadfast, devoted to their spouses.  Godly men should cherish their divine part of God’s first institution.

 

“Husbands, love your wives; as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Eph. 5:25-27 ESV

  

Our greatest battlefield in becoming Christlike is our pride.  If we become secretive, hiding our sins and deceiving our husbands or wives, we miss God’s blessing. Be transparent, guileless, devoted. Love God. Love your spouse. Let’s surrender our pride and truly repent.

 

Marriage is God’s perfect design! Let’s release its full potential in our walk towards greater faith.

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Happy little boy and his cheerful dad are reading a book sitting on the couch at home in the living room.
Articles

I Ran Over My Son: A Father’s Story

by Bryan Blagg
written by Bryan Blagg

I ran over my son last year. I still can’t believe it. Rhett, my baby boy, escaped massive injuries and only suffered a broken hand, a bruise or two and a few scratches.

 

I could have blamed my older kids for not shutting the three doors from the house to the outside. I could have blamed my wife for letting Rhett walk outside unsupervised. I could have blamed God for letting this horrific accident happen, but there was only one person behind the wheel. Only one person put the gearshift into drive. Only one person pressed the accelerator.

 

That person was I.

 

I learned that terrible morning what it meant to confess, truly confess. I had to acknowledge wounding my son when I called the hospital to tell them we were coming. The nurse had to ask me four times what was wrong. I didn’t want to admit it, but I finally relented. “I ran over my little boy,” I said.

 

Those words still choke me. I can’t speak those words without a stutter. Without tears and heartache. The pain of that admission is incredible. But it is important for me to say, “I ran over Rhett.” If I deny what happened, if I fail to grieve, I can’t move past my sin. The past will destroy my relationship with God and with my family.

 

Regret, guilt, bitterness, anger and resentment all stem from pride, from self-justification. I must confess my sin. I can’t truly blame anyone else, but my flesh wants to assign Rhett’s accident to someone else for my selfish benefit.

 

Confession frees the inner self and abolishes guilt.

 

David writes in Psalm 32:1-5:

 

“It is a great blessing
    when people are forgiven for the wrongs they have done,
    when their sins are erased.
2 It is a great blessing
    when the Lord says you are not guilty,
    when you don’t try to hide your sins.

3 Lord, I prayed to you again and again,
    but I did not talk about my sins.
    So I only became weaker and more miserable.
4 Every day you made life harder for me.
    I became like a dry land in the hot summertime. Selah

5 But then I decided to confess my sins to the Lord.
    I stopped hiding my guilt and told you about my sins.
    And you forgave them all!” ERV

 

Pride and shifting blame ends marriages, causes suicides, addictions, job loss and self-loathing. Our family barely escaped tragedy. The best of all scenarios played out.  Even the nurses told me the outcome was miraculous. My son left the hospital with a splint, virtually unscathed.

 

That day changed my life forever. The visions don’t go away. The knowledge of what I did is ever-present. Rhett will never even recall that morning. He was just 22 months old. I still remember the gravel in his cheeks when I picked him up. I sometimes awaken with a jolt. I get anxious backing up in parking lots. I park so I can just pull forward. School zones make me nervous. Self-doubt frequently creeps into my thoughts.

 

I’m blessed to have a wife who comforts my fears and anxieties. I wonder how our marriage would have survived if I blamed her for that morning. I truly believe confessing and owning my part has been the difference in the emotional recovery for both Mary Beth and for me.

 

It’s only been a year. My eyes still well up with tears.

 

Confession has become a huge part of my faith. That tragic moment taught me how to truly face my failures, my careless choices and my broken promises. I can’t hold onto my sins no matter how horrible they seem. I must not become angry, bitter or resentful.

 

I must open my heart to God, admit my iniquities and let Christ take the burden of my sin. I know Christ is real because He has taken my guilt away. I know Jesus forgives me. But I must receive that forgiveness and forgive myself too.

 

I’m still working on deep-rooted secret sins. I really don’t want to acknowledge my wicked heart to God. I have skeletons hiding in my closet of memories. Confession is the only way to overcome my guilt and shame.

 

Confession to God is the key to my healing. I can be vulnerable before Him and He meets me with welcoming arms. It’s humbling to confess. More importantly, it’s freeing.

 

“If we say that we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sins, God will forgive us. We can trust God to do this. He always does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrong things we have done.” ERV

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Articles

Secrets? An Honest Talk with My Son!

by Rebekah Lyons
written by Rebekah Lyons

Secrets. We all have them, don’t we?

Tucking my son in at bedtime has become quite the confessional. It all started when he remembered taking a pen a year earlier from his teacher’s desk in hopes of surprising his sister later on the bus. Then, as if the dam had broken, a few nights later he remembered “picking up” a box of crayons and putting them in his backpack. I wondered if my usually buttoned up son was on his way to a life of kleptomania.

Another misdemeanor for a second grader but significant, nonetheless. More importantly, the beauty of these precious talks was his heart of brokenness. He confessed through tears that “it feels good to get the junk out.” What came next was most unexpected.

“Mom, have you ever stolen anything?” “Hmmm…actually, yes. When I was younger, I’m sure I snuck a couple things. But I can’t really remember details.”

Then, I confessed that even as a frugal adult—the type that double-checks every receipt to be sure I wasn’t get double-charged—I’d sometimes notice I was undercharged for things but never go back and pay the difference. I felt such shame in that moment. I had never confessed that out loud before. What does that say for me? That I have a heart full of deceit? As tears streamed down my cheek he hugged me saying, “It’s okay mom, we all sin.” My eight year old showered me with grace.

This instigated a discovery in the days that followed. I quickly realized, that most secrets don’t come out this easily.

There are secrets we become slaves to that affect the trajectory of our lives. Deep, painful secrets that we keep for self-preservation or for the protection of others while we endure the painful aftermath. Some reside so deeply that they are blocked from our memory. Others so painful that when triggered, we run the opposite direction. The shame buries us. The guilt leaves us paralyzed.

Do we really believe the truth will set us free?

We often don’t. So, we binge and we purge. We have an unplanned pregnancy. We abort. We are sexually abused. We abuse others. We aren’t attracted to our spouse so we fantasize or have an affair. We drink too much. We flirt too much. We yell at our kids, or stay out late enough to avoid the interaction all together. We covet the lifestyle of others or flaunt our wealth with arrogance. We gossip to make us feel better about ourselves. We keep our friends close, and our enemies even closer.

We become slaves to our secrets.

The thing is, Satan DWELLS in the secret, in the haunting, hidden brokenness. The longer we keep that secret, the more power he has to speak lies into our own identity. We have a crisis of faith; we don’t truly believe that God will hear and lavish us with his love upon our confession. We don’t REALLY believe that we will be made new. So we keep it and hide it and cover it and die from it.

A friend told me recently that she kept her secret of infidelity from her husband for 3 years. Another woman told me recently, she held her secret for 5 years. Another discovered her husband’s secret after 10 years. And yet, another after 18. Overtime, life becomes more about keeping the secret than saving the soul.

The secret often wins.

Perhaps a new day is dawning. Perhaps walls are coming down. Tears are streaming and confessions are starting to pour out like hope reborn. Do you know the main catalyst for this revolution of the heart?

You guessed it. Someone shared their secret.

Someone gave voice to their secret and in doing so, gave permission for another person to share theirs. Naming the one thing that held them captive for years rendered the secret powerless. All at once, the church at large is beginning to echo the chorus of confession. We all begin to bear witness to the bondage that is breaking by secret-sharing. The naming is bringing healing, and healing is bringing freedom. A freedom many of us are experiencing for the very first time. This secret-telling is what’s actually saving us. And this new normal is exactly what will keep us in the light.

But we ought to have another motivation for telling our secret. In Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer reminds us:

“Many young people today journey in the dark, as the young always have, and we elders do them a disservice when we withhold the shadowy parts of our lives. When I was young, there were very few elders willing to talk about the darkness; most of them pretended that success was all they had ever known. As the darkness began to descend on me in my early twenties, I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize that I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.”

Did the generation before us share their secrets? Did you grow up in the midst of secret tellers? Of truth tellers? Of confession bearers? We, as a human race, are simply that—human. And our humanity yields brokenness to the core. The sooner we recognize our profound shadows and shout them from the rooftops, the sooner we find kindred spirits of deliverance and rescue.

Its been said, “If you don’t expose your secret, your secret will expose you.”

Will you be a secret teller for the next generation? Will you show your own humanity for those that are looking up to you? If you did, I’m quite sure the person you are telling would love you more and show you the same grace my son showed me.

Sometimes we forget that we are loved to the level that we are known. Let us be known.

www.qideas.com. Used by permission. 

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Ask Roger

Will Christians Survive the Second Coming?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

I am scared. It seems that the world is falling apart and I have so many questions. Like, how will we know who the Antichrist is? Are we Christians going to suffer through all the violence and disasters talked about in Revelation? “I REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE HERE FOR THE TRIBULATION. WHEN WILL THE RAPTURE TAKE PLACE?” I was reading in Revelation that Jesus told us to pray, “even so, come Lord Jesus!” I can hardly wait for the second coming but I have so many questions about when it happens, and what happens, and what it looks like. Can you sort these things out for me?

Sincerely, Angie

 

Dear Angie,

 

I wish that I could answer all of your questions clearly and with great certainty.

 

Unfortunately, God has chosen not to give us all the information necessary to answer all of our questions with certainty.

Fortunately, God gave us enough information to get us way down the road in understanding the book of Revelation and in discerning what’s going to be happening in the end times.

 

Understanding the return of Jesus and end-time events starts in Daniel 9:24-27.

I have given you more information in another article about the Battle of Armageddon.

These verses form the skeleton for all prophecy. All other prophetical passages are the meat on the skeleton.  Revelation, Ezekiel, the Olivet Discourse, 1 & 2 Thessalonians are only understood with a foundational understanding of Daniel 9.

 

Without going into detailed explanations, trust me to give a simple overview.

 

God had a plan for Israel that lasted 70 years. We know these years as the Babylonian Captivity. At the conclusion of the 70 years, God revealed to Daniel that He had another program for Israel (Daniel 9:1-23) which would last 490 years and culminate at the second coming of Christ.

 

God’s new plan for Israel began at the command of Artaerxes (444 B.C.) to restore and to rebuild Jerusalem. The program would end 490 years later at the second coming of Jesus Christ.

 

Let’s simplify: The time from the decree to restore Jerusalem until Jesus would come is 483 years. Using Jewish prophetic years of 360 days per year this figures out, incredibly, to April 6, 32 A.D. 483 years after the decree to rebuild Jerusalem, Christ rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. The 483 year period is over. There are seven years left to complete the plan.

 

Jesus knew Daniel’s prophecy. He knew that this was the exact day he was to enter Jerusalem. Unfortunately, He knew that the people failed to understand what was happening. “If only you had known,” He said. And He wept over the city.

 

This is a tremendous confirmation of the Word of God! 483 years after the decree to restore and rebuild Jerusalem, Jesus Christ road into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday on the back of a donkey.

 

THREE EVENTS OCCUR AFTER THE END OF 483 YEARS AND BEFORE THE BEGINNING OF THE LAST SEVEN-YEAR PERIOD.

 

1. Jesus Was Crucified.

Daniel 9:26a: After the 483 years, the Anointed One will be cut off and will have nothing.

Here is one of the clearest testimonies in the Bible of the death of Jesus Christ (Isaiah 53:8 and Matthew 16:21).

 

2. The Temple And The City Of Jerusalem Was Destroyed.

 

Daniel 9:26b: The people of the ruler who will come will destroy the city and the sanctuary. The end will come like a flood:

 

The “Ruler who is to come” refers to the destruction of Jerusalem by the Romans who were led by Titus in 70 A.D.  Titus foreshadowed the Antichrist who would eventually destroy the temple and then rule during the last seven-year-period known as the Tribulation. He’s the little horn of Daniel 7:8 and the Beast of Rev. 13.

 

3. Wars Will Continue Unabated Until The 70th “Seven” Commences.

 

Daniel 9:26c: War will continue until the end, and desolations have been decreed.

 

THERE IS A “TIME OUT” AFTER THE END OF 483 years AND BEFORE THE BEGINNING OF THE LAST SEVEN YEARS. WE ARE NOW IN “TIME OUT” (Luke 4:18-21, Isaiah 61:1-2 and Hosea 3:4-5).

 

At the Triumphant Entry of Christ into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, 30 AD, God’s prophetic time clock stopped. The hands are poised at 483, indicating that there is still one “seven” to go.

 

Think of it like the time clock at the end of a football game. Time out is called with ten seconds left. All the fans are anxiously waiting for final play. How long is football game? 60 minutes. Not really. The time from start to finish is often three hours.

How long is God’s plan for Israel? 490 years. Not really.

 

The time period between the crucifixion of Jesus and his second coming is known as the “Great Parenthesis” or, the “Church Age”.

At the conclusion of this period, the final-seven years will occur.

 

THE 70TH YEAR EVENTS ARE DESCRIBED IN DANIEL 9:27.

 

Daniel 9:27: He will confirm a covenant with many for one ‘seven.’ In the middle of the ‘seven’ he will put an end to sacrifice and offering. And on a wing [of the temple] he will set up an abomination that causes desolation, until the end that is decreed is poured out on him.”

 

The final seven years begin when the Antichrist makes a peace covenant with the nation of Israel.

Three and one-half years into the final seven the Antichrist breaks the covenant. He puts an end to sacrifices and offerings in the temple; and, indwelt by Satan (Revelation 12:9, 12; 13:4), he sets up the Abomination of Desolation in the rebuilt Temple in Jerusalem. Jesus says, “Get out of town fast the Holocaust is now beginning!”

The Battle of Armageddon soon follows and the Antichrist is cast into a hellish prison (Revelation 19:20).

 

Now, we can discuss the 2nd coming of Christ.

 

The second coming of Christ is in two parts: the RAPTURE which occurs sometime around the beginning of the last seven years and the REVELATION which concludes at the end of the seven years.

 

Note the following verses that reveal a Biblical paradox concerning Christ’s second coming. In each case, the first verse describes the Rapture while the second verse describes the Revelation.

 

1 Thessalonians 4:17: “…we will meet the Lord in the air.”

Zechariah 14: 4-5: “His feet will stand on the Mount of Olives.” 

1 Thessalonians 5:2 and Revelation 16:15: “He will come in secret, as a ‘thief in the night’”.

Revelation 1:7: “Every eye will behold Him.” 

Titus 2:13: “The return of Christ is a time of blessing and hope.”

2 Thessalonians 1:8-9: “The return of Christ is a time of punishment and judgment.”

1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 and John 14:2-3: “He will come “’for” His saints.’”

Zechariah 14:5; 1 Thessalonians 3:13; Revelation 19:11-16: “He will come “’with’” His saints.”

 

The only way to reconcile these verses is to understand that Christ’s Second Coming is in two stages:

 

The first stage occurs when Christ comes in the air, in secret, in great blessing and hope, for His saints to remove them to Heaven. This is called the Rapture. Rapture is a Latin word, Rapturo which means to catch away.

 

The Rapture is not without precedent (Both Enoch (Genesis 5:24: Hebrews 11:5) and Elijah (2 Kings 2:1 and 11) were raptured.

 

The second stage occurs at the end of the last seven-year period when Christ comes to the ground, with every eye on Him, with His saints, to bring judgment and punishment. This is called the Revelation.

 

“WE CHRISTIANS ARE NOT GOING TO BE HERE, ARE WE?”

THAT DEPENDS UPON WHICH SCENARIO YOU CHOOSE.

 

There are THREE major choices with A NUMBER OF variations TO CONSIDER AS WE ATTEMPT TO PINPOINT the time of the rapture:

 

Pre-Tribulation is the view that the rapture will occur sometime before, or at the beginning, of the final seven years. This is the view my wife espouses. She doesn’t want to be anywhere near those last seven years

 

God has rescued His people from great trouble in the past. He closed the door of the ark and Noah and his family were saved from the flood.

He opened the Red Sea to make a way of escape for Israel when the Egyptians were on them.

In Daniel 3 Daniel is absent from the fiery furnace. Some believe that by missing the fire he is a pre-figure of the deliverance of Christians by the rapture.

 

Of course, there are numerous pictures in Revelation of Christians who are undergoing suffering. Many suppose that these are people who missed the rapture but received Christ afterwards. Or, on the other hand, Post-Tribulationists believe this.

 

Mid-Tribulation is the view that the rapture will occur in the middle of the seven years when the Antichrist sets up the Abomination Of Desolation on the altar in the Temple. Like pre-Tribulationists, mid-Tribulationists will not experience the horrors of the last 3 ½ years described in Revelation.

 

I espouse the Mid-Tribulation (my wife is pre-tribulation!) position and expect to figure out who the Antichrist is through the number of his name: 666. I want to see the peace treaty; no matter what, I want out of here before the last 3 ½ years occur.

 

Post-Tribulationists believe that the rapture occurs after the seven-years, and that, therefore, Christians will go through the horrors described in the book of Revelation. There are verses that may support this interpretation, but I hope not. I don’t want to be anywhere around that horrible time!

 

HOW DO WE PREPARE FOR HIS ARRIVAL?

 

1. Don’t be caught off guard. Live a pure and holy life. Prophecy is a call to holy living.

 

2. Be certain that you are a Christian: “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.”

 

3. Plan as though He weren’t coming for 1000 years; but live as if He were coming in the next 10 minutes.”

 

Well, Angie, I hope that I’ve been able to take a fascinating and complex subject and make it as simple as I can. I hope you find it helpful.

 

Love, Roger

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Articles

What Should You Preach If the World is Ending Soon?

by Brandon Cox
written by Brandon Cox

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine…

That’s a line from the chorus of a hit song by the band R.E.M. And I think, surprisingly, there’s a great deal of truth in it.

I was pulled aside after a Sunday morning service not long ago by an attender who wanted to know when I was going to be warning the congregation about the impending crash of the world economy that Illuminati would be orchestrating in order to decrease the human population by up to 90%. After several minutes of hearing of the danger of vaccines, conspiracies with communist nations, and the malicious intent of the heads of states, I finally held up a hand and said, “Even if this were all true, I’d be completely comfortable preaching exactly what I just preached.”

I believe, at the time, I was in a series called Roots based on the book of Colossians. We were covering such subjects as how to spot real love, how to grow deeper in Christ, and how to live a spiritually fruitful life.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been confronted about my lack of urgency about end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it issues. There are also these pesky blood moons to worry about. And someone is always trying to kill us with vaccines, or aspartame, or a zombie virus, or purple dinasours on TV, the numerical value of whose names add up to 666 and therefore must be the antichrist in disguise… I’ve heard it all…

I’m a skeptical believer. I’ve come to have a sturdy faith in Jesus because I believe the central truths of Christianity stand up under tests of logic, reason, science, history, archaeology, and textual criticism. I embrace the Bible as inerrant, as crazy as that may sound to some.

But I’m still skeptical. I don’t mind wrestling with big questions and have found it to embolden my faith over time. I’m especially skeptical of teachings and arguments that serve as a distraction from the main thing – the gospel.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that the blood moons point to the end of the world as we know it. The Illuminati is planning to trim the human race back a bit and assume complete control over our lives economically and militarily. What I’d want to preach about this coming Sunday is… the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again.

And if that wild theory is hogwash and poppycock (the direction I’m inclined to lean in), then what I’d want to preach this coming Sunday is… the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again.

The Apostle Paul once warned a young Pastor named Timothy to rebuke some leaders in the ancient church of Ephesus for getting people off track in endless debates about myths, legends, and Old Testament genealogies. As Paul put it, “these things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God.” (1 Timothy 1:4 NLT)

And then Paul continued by saying, “The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.” (v. 5)

I love that statement. Paul is essentially charging Timothy to avoid motivating people to seek God on the basis of fear, rational or otherwise, and instead to seek him on the basis of love and a desire for purity and real faith.

I don’t want people to be afraid of the end of the world. After all, what do we Christians have to worry about in the eternal scheme of things? Though the world fall apart around us and our bodies be destroyed, we live on! We win! We enjoy victory! I’m not attempting to minimize the seriousness of persecution, which is obviously a real and present danger in our world. I’m simply saying that there are some essentials to be preached weekly regardless of the direction the world around us is headed.

If the world were ending tomorrow, I’d want to preach this Sunday the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again, and that we can live a life of faith in him that matters for eternity. And if the world hangs around a few more millennia, I’d want to preach the same exact message. It’s (possibly, at any moment) the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

You can build a congregation in size and collect large offerings by creating anxiety, fear, and anger toward the outside world, but I don’t think you’d be on task. In fact, you might just wind up starting a cult, which never ends well.

Instead, lead people to life in Jesus. Lead people to the cross for redemption. Lead people to discover the life worth living no matter what the world looks like around us. Lead people to follow Jesus, emulate his character, and implement the ways and practices conveyed in Scripture.

Confront sin and apathy.
Point people to redemption in the cross of Christ.
Equip believers to live a life of faith.
Empower servant leaders.
Strengthen families.
Reinforce the biblical faith.
And hail the triumphant return of King Jesus.

In other words, this Sunday…

Preach. The. GOOD. NEWS.

Re-printed from www.pastors.com. Used by permission.

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Articles

Seven Strategies to Beat Porn Addiction

by Luke Gilkerson
written by Luke Gilkerson

How do you beat porn addiction? For the man or woman who has been fighting this battle for the long time, often its seems like there’s no hope in sight. When we want to change, what practical defenses can be put in place that make for lasting change?

Bob Reehm, author of The War Within, presents seven key tactics for maintaining sexual purity. Bob’s approach is both unique and refreshing because he weaves together his knowledge of Scripture with his experience in Naval warfare, painting a vivid picture of the spiritual battle behind sexual sin.

Tactic #1: Scripture Memory – Bob writes, “A ship in the water is a good thing. Water in the ship is a bad thing. A Christian in the world is a good thing. The world in the Christian or a worldly Christian is a bad thing.” The question is: How do we keep water out of the boat? We need to utilize the weapons God has given us, and the primary weapon we have is His Word.

Tactic #2: Armed with His Promises – Knowing God’s Word, we also need to apply it and meditate upon it. In times of temptation, in times of failure, and in all the ups and downs of life, we must have on the armor of God’s promises to fortify our hearts and minds. Just like a warship’s steel exterior, we must arm ourselves with His great promises, putting our trust in them, not in our feelings.

Tactic #3: Reckoning Ourselves Dead to Sin – The Bible says that those who have the Spirit of Christ in them are united to Christ in his death and resurrection. This means we are currently “dead to sin.” What we must do is reckon or count this to be true. Like a warship wrapped in electromagnetic coils to ward off magnetic mines, when we wrap ourselves in Jesus Christ, we can ward off temptation.

Tactic #4: Warfare Prayer – When an airplane attacks a ship on the open sea, the ship cannot outrun the plane. It must stand and fight. When Satan attacks with tempting thoughts, we cannot outrun him, but we can outgun him. Like Jesus in the wilderness, we need to have Scripture in our hearts and minds, ready to speak aloud when Satan whispers deceiving thoughts.

Tactic #5: Retreat – When tempting situations present themselves, rather than remaining and letting ourselves be entertained by the idea of sin, God commands us to flee. When a ship is in range of an enemy’s guns, and there is no way to counterattack, the best thing to do is get out of range.

Tactic #6: Cast Your Cares on God – When a submarine wants to attack a warship, it can hide beneath the “thermal layer” under the water. Similarly, often hidden motives and hurts in our hearts move us to act out in sinful ways. We turn to sin as an escape. Instead, we need to make God our refuge, learning the art of crying out to Him in times of frustration, exhaustion, and pain.

Tactic #7: Community – No one goes to war alone. When the enemy attacks we need comrades to help us fight well. When it comes to fighting temptation and sin, we need to have fellow Christians around us, challenging us to holiness.

www.covenanteyes.com. Used by permission of Luke Gilkerson.

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Articles

How to Make Your Children Angry

by John MacArthur
written by John MacArthur

This blog was originally titled “How to Provoke Your Children” on gty.org.

Have you experienced the paralysis of finding a good book on Christian parenting? Visiting your local Christian bookstore these days can be a frustrating venture. You might leave more confused than when you arrived—conflicting instructions, questionable authors, and so many options. What’s the best book, and why are there so many titles in the first place? The experience is overwhelming to many parents.

You won’t face those problems in the Bible. In fact, you may find yourself on the opposite end of the equation—tempted to think Scripture doesn’t devote enough space to the subject of parenting.

With all the timeless issues facing parents, we might expect an entire book, or at least a complete chapter of instruction from the New Testament. But God, who is infinitely wise, gave one verse to parents—that’s it. Care to know the concise instructions God gives to you, moms and dads? It’s all packed into Ephesians 6:4.

Paul’s command to parents includes two parts. The first is negative. He said, “Do not provoke your children to wrath.” Don’t thoughtlessly aggravate them. Don’t unnecessarily goad them. Don’t deliberately exasperate them. Don’t foolishly discourage them. But express your love to them by treating them with gentleness, kindness, consideration, and respect. After all, that’s an essential part of being a good example to them.

Paul was not suggesting that every time a child becomes angry, it is the parent who has sinned. Obviously, children can and do become angry apart from any sinful provocation on the parent’s part.

Nor was he excusing children who get angry, regardless of the circumstances. Children have a duty to honor their parents and obey them from the heart, even when the parents are aggravating.

Nonetheless, it does suggest that parents who sin this way are doubly guilty. Not only do they violate their duty as parents, but they also cause their own children to stumble.

The expression, “provoke . . . to wrath” is one word in the Greek: parorgiz. It applies to every kind of anger, from silent fuming, to indignant outbursts, to full-fledged rebellious rage. Children express their wrath in different ways.

Parents provoke their children to wrath by various means too. Over my years as a pastor, I have observed many different ways parents have done this. Avoid all of them. Here are just a few examples:

1) Excessive Discipline

Some parents crush their children with excessive discipline. I have known parents who seemed to think that if discipline is good for a child, extra discipline must be even better. They constantly waved the threat of corporal punishment as if they loved it. No parent should ever be eager to punish. And no punishment should ever be brutal or bullying. Parents should always administer discipline with the good of the child in mind, never more than necessary, and always with love.

2) Inconsistent Discipline

Other parents provoke their children by inconsistent discipline. If you overlook an infraction three times and punish the child severely the fourth time, you will confuse and exasperate your child. Parental discipline must be consistent. That’s one of the main reasons parenting requires full-time diligence.

3) Unkindness

Some parents provoke their children with unkindness. I cringe when I hear parents deliberately saying mean-spirited things to their children. But many parents do, it seems—and to compound the problem, they often seem to do it in public. I’ve overheard parents saying things to their own children they would never say to anyone else. That’s a sure way to crush a child’s heart and provoke him to resentment.

4) Favoritism

Another way parents provoke their kids is by showing favoritism. Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebeka preferred Jacob over Esau (Gen. 25:28). The resentment their favoritism provoked caused a permanent split in the family (Gen. 27). But Jacob made the same mistake with his own children, showing such favoritism to his youngest, Joseph, that Joseph’s brothers plotted to do away with him (Gen. 37). Although God sovereignly brought about much good from what happened to Joseph (Gen. 50:20), that doesn’t change the fact that Jacob and his family had to endure much sorrow, heartache, and evil because of the chain of events that began with Jacob’s favoritism.

5) Overindulgence

Some parents actually goad their children to exasperation through overindulgence. They are too permissive. Research from many different sources show that children who are given too much autonomy feel insecure and unloved. No wonder. After all, Scripture says parents who let their children misbehave with no consequences are actually showing contempt for the child (Prov. 13:24). Children know that instinctively, and it exasperates them.

6) Overprotection

On the other hand, some parents frustrate their children by overprotection. They fence them in, suffocate them, deny them any measure of freedom or trust. That’s a sure way to provoke a child to frustration: make your child despair of ever having any liberty at all unless he or she rebels.

7) Pressure to Achieve

Plenty of parents arouse their children’s anger through constant pressure to achieve. If you never praise your kids when they succeed but always drive them to do even better next time; if you neglect to comfort and encourage them when they fail; or worst of all, if you force your children to try to fulfill goals you never accomplished, they will certainly resent it. It’s fine to encourage our children to excel. In fact, that is a natural and normal part of parenting (1 Thess. 2:11). But don’t forget to balance your desire to see them realize their full potential with a little patience and understanding, or you will provoke the bitterest kind of resentment.

Other ways parents provoke their children are through neglect, constant criticism, condescension, indifference, detachment, cruelty, hypocrisy, a lack of fairness, or deliberate humiliation. All of those things provoke children to exasperation by discouragement. And that’s precisely what Paul said in the parallel passage, Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Don’t provoke your children to wrath. That’s the negative side of Ephesians 6:4. The second part of Paul’s command to parents is positive. He says, “Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” We’ll take a look at that command in our next post.

Until then, here are a couple questions to discuss in the comment thread:

(1) In what ways do you see children in our generation express anger provoked by their parents?

(2) Which one (or two) of the above errors are you most prone to in your parenting—and why?

From www.gty.org. Used by permission.

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Ask Roger

Paul’s Teaching on Women’s Head Coverings?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Hi, Roger,

I would like to know if it is a sin if a woman doesn’t cover her head when praying and worshiping the lord. Or even to step inside God’s church with her head uncovered?

Naki

Hi Roger, Please explain “head covering” as in 1 Corinthians 11:5. Should women be covering their heads with scarves or doilies or is it referring to hair? Thank you.

Susan

Dear Naki and Susan,

The problem with women’s hair mentioned in 1 Corinthians 11 is that some women were praying and preaching in church with their heads uncovered. They refused to wear a veil or to wear their hair long. Some of the men were praying and preaching with their heads covered. They were wearing caps or long hair.

 

At first glance the hair issue in 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 is totally irrelevant to us today. The problem with dismissing it out of hand is that Paul turns this into a theological issue. The reason women are to have their heads covered and men are to be uncovered is “because of the angels” (1 Corinthians 11:10).

 

If wearing the right or wrong hat might adversely affect angels then we had better get our head covering correct.

 

Only in recent times have women abandoned the practice of wearing hats and long hair in church.

Women of past generations all wore hats, shawls and coverings in church. I remember my mom and her friends would never go to church without a hat. Things have certainly changed. This verse has fallen out of favor and the teaching is generally ignored today.

 

In addition to Angels Paul brings up another theological issue when he wrote: “Does not the very nature of things tell us that it is a dishonor to a man if he lets his hair grow long? But if a woman lets her hair grow long it is her glory because her hair was given to her as a covering.”

 

This observation seems to transcend time and eternity.

 

Of course, Samson in the Old Testament took a Nazarite vow, part of which was for his hair never to be cut. Was his long hair wrong since the Nazarite vow was both a religious and spiritual vow of devotion to God? Apparently not.

 

Much of Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 is seen in the backdrop of the culture of Paul’s time. This letter is to the church in Corinth which was known as the most liscensous in the Mediterranean world. Women (and men) were breaking all bounds of decency. Too often the church becomes a reflection of society. That was the case in the First Baptist Church in Corinth.

 

Let’s try to get a relevant teaching for today from Paul’s instructions to both men and women.

 

To this day Middle Eastern women wear the “yashmak” which is a long veil leaving the forehead and eyes open but reaching down almost to the feet.

 

Veils had (and still have) four main purposes: respect, protection, modesty and submission. No respectable woman would think of going outside without it. (Of course, we are seeing more and more “veils” as Middle Eastern immigrants move into our country.)

 

 

Let’s talk about the first three: respect, protection, and modesty. The following story illustrates all three.

 

Julie and I got lost in the giant bazaar (shopping mall) in Istanbul, Turkey. I’m not surprised. It is twenty acres of covered shops and eating places with streets traversing, twisting, and twirling pathways of lostness.

 

We exited onto a back alley. Men were sitting around smoking and joking as Julie and I uncomfortably walked by. As we passed they began to make the most vulgar, inappropriate and crude sexual offers of what they wanted to do with Julie. I remember thinking, “Don’t they understand that she is with me. I am here to protect her. They ignored me and continued their sexual assaults on Julie.

 

When we were running a gauntlet. When we exited Julie went immediately to a street vendor and bought a scarf. All comments and innuendoes ceased as we continued shopping with her head covered.

 

Sir William Ramsey explains it like this: “In Oriental lands the veil is the power and honor and dignity of the woman. With a veil on her head she can go anywhere in security and profound respect.” On the other hand, without the veil a woman’s authority and dignity vanish.

 

Just like men, women need respect, protection and modesty. Wearing the veil in public provides all three.

 

Finally, the veil is a symbol of submission.

 

In the opening verses of this passage Paul wrote about the aspect of submission. In the opening verses he referred to the fact that man was created before woman and is thus “over” the woman: “But I want you to know that Christ is the Head of every man, and that the man is the head of every woman and that God is the Head of Christ.”

 

The significance of submission goes right to the heart of marriage. Please take time to read Ephesians 5:21-33 where Paul discussed this subject. He taught that the husband is the “Head” of his wife and thus is to love his wife as Jesus loved His church and sacrificed His life for it. The wife is then to respect her husband. When “headship” is properly conveyed in marriage the woman is protected and secure. Respecting a husband is easy when the husband expresses his headship by loving his wife with Christ as his model. This means that the wife comes first. It is the responsibility of the “Head” to take care of those “under” them. It is easy for a wife to respect a husband whose top priority in marriage is to love his wife like Christ loved the church.

 

No matter what time or culture we live in it is always time for our lives to be respectable, on the look out to protect those in need of protection, modest and full of sacrificial love no matter how short or long we wear our hairstyles or hats–or caps.

 

I recently attended a worship service where mom and daughter played a classical piano duet as part of the service. Daughter was a piano prodigy. Her playing was incredible. So were her legs. Whether or not she should have covered her head I do not know; but she at least could have covered her legs as she “tickled the keys”. Little worship occurred as everyone around me was whispering about her tiny skirt. What a contrast to the sixteen-year-old cellist twenty feet away who knew how to bring glory to Jesus by not focusing on herself.

 

Now about those angels. We move here carefully because we are talking about angels! No one knows for certain what Paul meant about these angels, but I imagine that Paul is referring to the strange story in Genesis 6:1-2 which described how angels fell prey to the charms of mortal women and so fell. It may be the idea that an unveiled woman is a temptation even to the angels! An old rabbinic teaching said that it was the beauty of women’s long hair which tempted the angels!

 

In a practical sense, in today’s unchurched–non-Christian culture making hats and hairstyles an issue will be of little help in reaching a lost generation for Christ. If the spiritually mature want to follow this teaching theologically, then by all means let them do so.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Love, Roger

 

 

 

Begin forwarded message:

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Ask Roger

Is It OK to Lend Money with Interest?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

Is it OK to lend money with interest?

Patrick

 

Dear Patrick.

Yes, it is OK to loan money with interest. Jesus scolded the one-talent man in Matthew 25 for not putting Jesus’ money in the bank so it could at least earn interest.

The Old Testament allows charging interest as long as the interest is fair and not usurious. The Old Testament approximation is that anything over 2% is usurious.

I hope this helps.

Love, Roger

 

I gave Patrick a short answer; let me expound on my answer.

 

My Citibank MasterCard just arrived! New balance for this month: $31,721.34! I’m shocked! There must be some mistake!!!

 

Our monthly bill usually runs high. Mostly because we have a lot of reimbursables. Whenever we teach a conference we charge everything we can on our MasterCard; we want the air miles we can get. Expenses for four conferences and one retirement trip to Tucson with all the family during the last two months add up fast. Car rentals, hotel bills, airline tickets, meals, materials and gasoline can easily reach $15,000 during that time. The MasterCard bill also included a charge of $8500 for copies of my book, “Got Guts, Get Glory” and Julie’s book, “Bored in Big Church,” which we intended to sell at our retirement party.

 

But $31,000! That’s outrageous. Surely the good folks at MasterCard made a mistake and I went looking for it.

 

Uh oh, my mistake! I forgot to pay last month’s bill. I couldn’t believe it. I have not missed a payment—ever—in the 30 years I have used that particular card. Current charge of $14K plus $17K from last month adds up to $31K. Subtract out $23K worth of reimbursables and things looked much more normal.

 

For the first time I bothered to read the fine print on my MC bill:

 

Late Payment Warning: If we do not receive your minimum payment by the date listed above, you may have to pay of late fee of up to $35 and your APRs may be increased up to the variable Penalty APR of 20,99%.

Minimum Payment Warning: if you make only the minimum payment each period, you will pay more in interest and it will take you longer to pay off your balance. For example: if you make no additional charges using this card and each month you pay only the minimum payment, you will pay off the balance shown on this statement in about 35 years.

 

Do you want to know what’s sad? When we teach Biblically-based-financial seminars at church we always ask, “How many of you have charge card bills of $30,000 or more?” about 50% of the hands go up! It never ceases to amaze me. No wonder these people have trouble tithing—and have come to the conference for help.

 

By the way, it’s OK to use a charge card as long as you pay off the entire bill at the end of the month. Although people who used charge cards will on the average spend 30% more than those who take the trouble to pay with cash. The first month you cannot, (or don’t want to), pay off the entire balance you’ve taken the first step toward financial bondage. You’ve got a problem.

 

According to the Bible, charging interest, or paying a fair amount of interest is all right. The issue of paying interest becomes a problem when usury is involved. Usury is the practice of charging excessive, unreasonably high, and often illegal interest rates on loans.

 

Let’s look at some of the Biblical material and then try to define usury. Is 20.99% usury? It certainly seems so. How do we know for sure?

 

According to the Bible, when someone in your family or immediate circle of friends needs money, lend it and charge no interest. He/she is still responsible to repay the loan.

 

If you lend money to any of My people who are poor among you, you shall not be like a moneylender to him; you shall not charge him interest (Exodus 22:25-27).

 

If one of your brethren becomes poor, and falls into poverty among you, then you shall help him … Take no usury or interest from him; but fear your God, that your brother may live with you. You shall not lend him your money for usury, nor lend him your food at a profit (Leviticus 25:35-37).

 

According to the Bible, charging interest in business deals and to those outside your immediate circle of friends is approved by God.

 

To a foreigner you may charge interest, but to your brother you shall not charge interest, that the LORD your God may bless you in all to which you set your hand in the land which you are entering to possess (Deuteronomy 23:19-20).

 

God condemns in the harshest terms those who engage in usury.

 

If he has exacted usury Or taken increase—Shall he then live? He shall not live! If he has done any of these abominations, He shall surely die; His blood shall be upon him (Ezekiel 18:13).

 

Obviously, if you are to be in the money business, it is better to own than to owe. It is better to be the loaner. God gave a promise to Israel that if they followed His laws and principles then:

 

… the LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom (Deuteronomy 28:12-14).

 

Of course, God went on to say that if they refused or neglected to follow His principles then the situation above would be reversed.

 

By the way, according to Solomon any one who co-signs a note for another is a fool.

 

He who puts up security for another will surely suffer,

but whoever refuses to strike hands in pledge is safe (Proverb 11:15).

 

A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge

and puts up security for his neighbor (Proverb 17:18).

 

I think that it’s significant that Jesus put His stamp of approval on lending money at interest. He did it in the form of a parable about an owner (Himself) who left money to three managers (His followers) and encouraged them to manage well until He returned (The Second Coming). Two managed well and were given even more to invest. One hid the money. Jesus told him that if was afraid to take an investment risk, then the least he could’ve done was to put it with the bankers and earned some interest: “Why then did you not put my money in the bank, that at my coming I might have collected it with interest?” (Luke 19:11-26).

 

Before we define usury, we need to remember what loaning and borrowing will be like when the Kingdom of God comes on earth:

 

And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful (Luke 6:34-36).

 

 

While it is OK to borrow money at interest, Paul reminds us that it is best not to borrow in the first place: (Owe no man any thing, but to love one another (Romans 13:8).

 

So, how much is usury? All of us would agree that the annual MasterCard rate of 20.99% is sin—I mean usurious.

 

But, does the Bible give any insight to a definite percentage? I think so. I attended a Biblical economics seminar during my last year in college. The conference helped me develop a Biblical financial plan that has served my family well for over 40 years. Of the many things I learned, two things stand out.

 

First, God’s economic plan rests on four pillars: (1) paying God His 10% right off the top of total earnings (before withholding taxes); (2) paying the government its share; (3) utilizing a budget to help guarantee that I spend less than I make every month; and (4) having a surplus each month in order to be able to help the poor.

 

Second, the Bible defines usury as anything more than 2%.The conference teacher used a number of passages dealing with the variety of tithes in the Old Testament; the 50-year Jubilee for canceling all debts; as well as a variety of texts dealing with borrowing and paying interest and showed us the Bible figure of 2%. I have never tried to verify his 2% figure. I just trusted that he knew what he was talking about. Since everything else he taught seems verified by my own experience, I will take his word for it (By the way, I couldn’t repeat his calculations if my life depended on it: but, then, again, he was a brilliant, trustworthy man.)

 

So, I answered Patrick with a figure of 2%.

 

The next day he sent me the following email:

 

Dear Roger,

Regarding your answer, I’m still not certain what would be considered usurious since 2% would be considered a very low rate nowadays. I think that as long as the interest charged is not causing hardship on the borrower, or is considered an extravagant amount, it would be o.k. Would I be right in thinking this way?

Sincerely,

Patrick

 

Patrick’s answer sure sounds good to me in our current economic system. I hurriedly emailed, “Yes”, right back.

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Sermons

Getting Real: What’s in Your Closet?

by Francis Chan
written by Francis Chan

Psalm 51 is a great pattern for confession and repentance. After visiting a church in the midst of a great revival, Pastor Chan believes the key to revival and spiritual victory is to identify and confess the underlying sins and motives in your life. Do you have a core issue that is clouding your relationship with God?

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Articles

White Lies: How Our Words Deceive Others

by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
written by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

How can my words deceive others? We can often speak untruths in the name of “etiquette” or “fearing what others think. Here are just a few ways we can compromise our integrity by speaking half-truths.

1. Exaggeration
“All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward [crooked] or perverse in them” (Prov. 8:8 KJV).

• Do I exaggerate past accomplishments?
• Am I exaggerating the results or fruits of my efforts in serving the Lord?
• Am I overstating the truth by using words like “always” and “never?”
• Do I make sweeping generalizations about people or situations?
• Do I embellish details to make a story more humorous or interesting?
• Am I overstating (or understating) the seriousness of a situation in order to make a point or for greater effect?

2. Flattery
“Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception” (Ps. 12:2).

(Flattery is saying things to others that you wouldn’t say behind their back. Slander is saying things about others that you wouldn’t say to their face.)

• Do I give insincere praise?
• Do I compliment another to enhance my own reputation in his or her eyes?

3. Lying
“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful” (Prov. 12:22).

• Am I slandering someone—spreading false reports with the intent to inflict hurt?
• Am I answering direct questions with untruths in order to protect my reputation?
• Do I falsify time cards, employment applications, expense reports, or tax returns for personal benefit?

4. Misleading
“For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men” (2 Cor. 8:21).

• Do I leave a false impression (even though my spoken words may be true)?
• Do I communicate facts selectively to influence others for my own purposes?
• Have I ever given misleading references to prospective employers?

5. Inaccuracy
“We trust we have a good conscience, in all things willing to live honestly” (Heb. 13:18 KJV).

• Do I fail to verify the facts before repeating a story?
• Am I careless with regard to factual details of stories?
• Am I failing to speak precisely or to make sure that my words are literally true?

6. Deception
“Deliver my soul, O Lord, . . . from a deceitful tongue” (Ps. 120:2 KJV).

• Do I ever attempt to create a better impression of myself than is honestly true?
• Am I allowing people to say things that are untrue about another person while implying consent by my silence?
• Do I give the impression that I am more spiritually mature and committed than is actually true?
• Am I allowing my mate to believe that I am morally pure and faithful, when I have failed morally?
• Have I covered up sins of my past?

7. Hypocrisy
“Like a coating of glaze over earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart” (Prov. 26:23).

• Do I speak kindly to another while harboring hatred or bitterness in my heart?
• Do I praise another to his face while criticizing him behind his back?

8. Inconsistency
“For I am the Lord, I change not” (Mal. 3:6 KJV).

• Am I flip-flopping on issues, depending on my “audience?”
• Do I say what I know the other person wants to hear, rather than what I really believe?
• Do I put a different spin on matters, depending on who I am talking to?

9. Guile
“Blessed is the man . . . in whose spirit there is no guile” (Ps. 32:2, KJV).

• Am I maintaining hidden agendas and ulterior motives when dealing with people?
• Do I look for loopholes in a contract, rather than honoring the intent and spirit of the agreement?

10. Broken promises
“Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? . . . [He] who keeps his oath even when it hurts” (Psalm 15:1, 4).

• Do I promise to pray for someone and then neglect to do so?
• Do I agree to be somewhere at a certain time or to meet a need, but fail to do so?
• Am I failing to fulfill a financial obligation?

© Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com Info@ReviveOurHearts.com

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Ask Roger

Did Jesus Think About Having A Sexual Relationship?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

Did Jesus think about having a sexual relationship?

Sincerely, Fred

Dear Fred,

Did Jesus ever think about having a sexual relationship? Of course, He thought about it. In fact, like most men and boys, He thought about it a lot. I have read that most all adolescent males think about sex at least every fifteen minutes, or so. Jesus was once an adolescent. Jesus was fully man and fully God, so explore the following answer with me.

God has embedded the sexual drive deeply into the human psyche. God intended His earth to be well populated as evidenced by His command to Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:27: “Be fruitful and increase in number.” Sexual relationships are God’s method for “being fruitful and “filling the earth” with people. As a human being, just like us, Jesus dealt with sex issues constantly.

As far as I can tell, Fred, except for some false Gnostic writings in the late second and early third centuries which claimed that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, ours is the first generation to seriously consider the idea of Jesus having a sexual relationship. As far as I know, the subject of Jesus and sex in not discussed with any seriousness until our sex-crazed, humanistic society began stripping Jesus of His holiness, purity and deity in the middle of the 20th century. I really appreciate your asking this question. Many Christians today are wondering about how close Jesus came to eating the forbidden “apple”.

Much discussion focuses on whether or not Jesus was capable of sinning. After all, He was God. Could God sin? The obvious answer is, “No, God cannot sin. However, the answer is a little more complex than a simple “yes”, or “no”. I believe that the Biblical evidence makes it quite clear that not only was Jesus temped, He was fully capable of sinning and ruining the plan of redemption.

In Philippians 2:1-11 Paul composed a melodic poem which described Jesus taking seven steps down to humanity and the cross. Paul then described Christ’s seven-step exaltation back into Heaven to receive back His glory as fully God (beyond our understanding). In verse six Paul declared that in the process of abandoning Heaven, Jesus made Himself “nothing”. The Greek word “kenosis” literally means, “to empty one’s self”—whatever that means. Somehow or other He emptied Himself of some of His “godness” in order to put on “humanness.” He remained 100% God, but also became 100% man. This is called the “hypostatic union”. This doctrine is inscrutable.

I believe that His “emptying” Himself is what opened the door so that He could actually sin (for a more extended interpretation of this concept, read my “Ask Roger Answer” entitled, “Son God or son of man?”. In my mind, there is no way Jesus could fall into sin as fully God. On the other hand, He certainly could fall into sin in as fully human. After all, if Jesus could not sin, why would Satan bother to tempt Him at the commencement of His earthly ministry (Matthew 4 and Luke 4)?! Both gospel writers declared that temptation would follow Him all the days of His life.

Furthermore, in describing Jesus’ ministry as our great high priest, the writer to the Hebrews revealed that Jesus endured every temptation (including sexual temptations) that we face—without sinning: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). The term, “yet without sin,” obviously means that He was fully capable of falling into sin—but, HE DIDN’T.

Temptation is not a sin. Martin Luther wrote, “You can’t keep the birds from flying over your head; but, you certainly can keep them from nesting in your hair.” That’s good, isn’t it!?

Jesus taught in Matthew 5:27-28: “You have heard it said, ‘do not commit adultery’. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Let’s look carefully at what Jesus taught in light of Luther’s illustration. Looking at a woman and appreciating her beauty is not a sin. Perhaps even a moment’s imaging a sexual encounter is still not a sin. The sin occurs when we mentally and emotionally dwell upon one particular individual while imagining a drawn out sexual experience with him or her. Temptation has now evolved into lust. The sin occurs in the long-drawn-out visualizing, not in the thought which comes to mind for a fleeting moment.

Did Jesus think about having a sexual relationship? Certainly, He did. Both Satan and/or His own humanity occasionally guided the sexual temptation “bird” to fly over His head. However, according to the Hebrews passage mentioned above, He never allowed that bird to nest in His “hair”.

Tradition tells us that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute who tempted Jesus (and obviously others) to have personal sexual relationship with her. “The Last Temptation of Christ”, a novel written by Nikos Kazantzakis, as well as other contemporary authors, have postulated that Mary Magdalene, out of whom Jesus cast seven demons (Luke 8:2), was His temptress, at least, and more probably His girl friend. Whatever lifestyle she lived before was dramatically changed by her spiritual encounter with Jesus. She became a devoted follower and financial contributor to His ministry who witnessed the crucifixion, prepared His body for burial and was the first to hear the good news of the resurrection!

So far, we have discussed the idea of Jesus having a sinful sexual relationship. We need to ask the question whether or not Jesus longed for a legitimate sexual relationship in a marriage context.

Since Jesus was like us, He experienced the internal-God-implanted-sexual drive to procreate and thus fulfill His Father’s command to be “fruitful and fill the whole earth”. This command applied only in a marriage context. Therefore, I believe that He considered marriage as a viable option for fulfilling God’s plan for His life.

The “Da Vinci Code”, a contemporary novel written by Dan Brown, imagines that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and fathered children by her. He intertwines this concept with the legend of the “Holy Grail”.

Could Jesus have been married? Could He have had children? Some Christians have little difficulty answering “yes” to both questions. PERSONALLY, I HAVE DIFFICULTY SAYING “YES” TO EITHER QUESTION.

I believe that Jesus quickly dismissed any possibility of marrying and having children, His mission was to “bring many sons to glory” (Hebrews 2:10) not to marry and procreate.

Jesus made it clear that the “Son of Man came to seek and to save those who were Lost.” This God-inspired calling far outweighed the distraction and any possible fulfillment He might have gained from having His own wife and children. Would He have liked to be married? Probably. Were marriage and children included in God’s will for His life? Probably not.

Well, Fred, thanks for asking such an intriguing question. I hope my answer gives several provocative and helpful insights to you and others about the sexual life of Jesus.

Love, Roger

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Articles

Tough Questions from the Hurting in Your Church

by Steve Dowdle
written by Steve Dowdle

As pastors and church leaders, we often encounter difficult questions from people who are suffering physically, emotionally and spiritually.

How would you answer these questions posed to me early in my counseling ministry?

If God really loves me, why did my healthy four year old son suddenly die of a brain aneurysm?

Where was Jesus when I was being raped?

Why didn’t God stop my husband before he had an affair and lost his pastorate?

Is it possible that my depression might be the result of a demonic attack?

I was ritually abused as a child.  Can you help me?

I do not trust anyone, including God.  Can you help me build trust?

When I attend church I get very agitated.  I can’t concentrate on what the pastor is saying and the music drives me crazy!  What is going on?

It was questions like these that motivated me to gain a deeper understanding of the issues many Christians struggle with.  Over the course of twenty-eight years of counseling and ministering in a church, a methodology based on our understanding of the scripture emerged.  It is this methodology that I discuss and share in this book.  It represents the work of many people who served with me and contributed to this process by their experience and spiritual gifts.  The healing model discussed in chapter 3 is the result of years of experience and is offered not as “the only way” but as “a way” to understand and organize a ministry to wounded people.  It is a model that has been tested and found effective as God has blessed it and used it to help His people. I encourage you to study it with an open mind and ask God to show you how you can be more effective in your ministry to hurting people in your church.

 

I have written this book with the busy pastor in mind.  It is organized so that each chapter stands alone and may be read based on its content without having to reference other chapters.  You will also note there are chapter summaries available for a quick survey of the content of each.

 

This book presents an apologetic for a strong pastoral care ministry in the local church.  The discerning reader will also be aware of the emphasis on the role of the Holy Spirit in healing, deliverance and restoration.  This author sees the church as a spiritual hospital, fully equipped and staffed to facilitate the healing ministry of Jesus.  I encourage you to allow your “theology of suffering” to be challenged as you reflect on how it is operationally defined in your own ministry.

 

This author believes that a healthy church is one that cares for its people and that this caring is easily observable among its members.  I believe that churches that have strong ministries to help hurting people are ones that are growing in numbers and in influence in their communities. Just as people were drawn to Jesus by His healing ministry so they are still drawn to His church, when we allow the Holy Spirit to lead and empower us, as we minister in Jesus name.  I have experienced even the most skeptical and hostile person’s attitude change when they or a member of their family has been helped by the church.

 

Does your church pray for the sick, comfort the grieving, seek freedom for the oppressed, support those in recovery and offer counseling to the confused and discouraged?

 

I believe we can answer the difficult questions that people bring to us.  We have the authority of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit to work through us to continue the ministry of our Lord to hurting and wounded people.  I pray you have experienced being a facilitator of His love to His people!

 

 

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