Marriage that Points to Jesus
1 Peter 2
If you know, you know. If you don’t, it’s Princess Bride. And you now have a fun movie to watch in the next week. It’s amazing how packed in that little sketch, that little skit, are all of these cultural assumptions about marriage. A dream within a dream.
It’s about true love.
Our culture tells us that marriage and promises that marriage we will, in marriage, will find a soulmate marriage will find true love in marriage, we’ll have our dreams completed in marriage, we’ll find the partner who can advance us socially and financially in this world. In marriage, we’ll be made whole. Our culture makes these promises. And yet my hunch is for every one of us, married or not, there’s a sense in which we have a sneaking suspicion that those promises cannot be fulfilled. Now, if you’re single.
And actually, just recently, the adults in America tilted on the single spectrum, so 51% of American adults are now single. If you’re single, I invite you to hold with me here. The statistics say that 58% of you who have never been married desire to be married. And so maybe this marriage conversation from Scripture is an invitation for what God might have for you in the future. All of you are friends with those who are married, and so you’re invited into a relationship with those to help point them to what Christ has for us in marriage.
And ultimately, as we’ll learn, marriage is a shadow of an ultimate reality. So for all of us single and married, marriage points us to the ultimate marriage, our relationship with Jesus Christ. So as we go through this text, for all of us, Jesus is at the center of this text. Jesus is the one who anchors and promises and invites us deeper into his heart. Because marriage is a shadow of an ultimate.
We get that the promises of culture have failed us, don’t we? 25% of Americans have been divorced, many living in marriages that are marriage in name only.
We get that the cultural promises of marriage are empty. And so with that, we step into a text today that is going to make us uncomfortable. I promise it will. It’s so radically countercultural, it’s so radically other than what we perceive marriage to be about, that it’s going to call us to reset our expectations and our own hearts in the context of marriage. His passage about marriage in 1st Peter 3 is one of the clearest and concisest passages about marriage in the entirety of Scripture.
And yet, in my 17 years of being pastor, I don’t think once I’ve been asked to preach on this passage in a wedding. And you’re about to see why. Because it’s going to make us cringe, it’s going to make us recoil at points, and yet don’t miss this. As we’ve been walking through this sermon series on first Peter called Exiles, we have seen time and time again that the gospel expectations and Peter’s expectations for how we live in this world are radically different and radically set apart from how the world lives. And it’s no different in marriage.
It would be really easy to hear this text and just say, oh, this is just because it’s 2,000 years old. But it was as radically countercultural 2,000 years ago as it is today. And it still pertains to us today because at the heart of this is the bridegroom. Because marriage points us to Jesus. The purpose of marriage is to point us to Jesus, to his heart, to what he has for us in marriage.
Last week we read a passage that really is the. The heart of the entirety of the letter. It’s a picture of Jesus and his sacrificial love for us. And on that Peter hangs these three practical applications. How we live as citizens.
We talked about that last week. How we live as employees. He talked about that last week. And how we live as husbands and wives, which he gonna talk about this week. So let me return to that picture, because if we lose that picture, we lose the entire weight of the passage.
We lose the invitation that God has for us to look again and again to Jesus in our marriages. This is 1 Peter 2, verses 21 to 25. For this you have been called because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return.
When he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He Himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed, for you were straying like sheep, but now have returned the shepherd and overseer of your souls. What Peter is saying is that in Jesus Christ, in His death, our lives are transformed, are redeemed, are purchased back. And also in his life and in his death is a pattern.
It’s not just the redemption, it’s not just the gift of what his death accomplishes for us. It’s actually the pattern of his life and death that calls us to live in that same pattern. I mean, I think we get this right this week as Americans, we celebrated Independence Day, and we look and we reflect and we’re grateful for the gifts and the freedoms that we enjoy as Americans because of the sacrifices of those who’ve come before us. And also it’s an invitation for us to consider our own lives. Is my life about clinging onto my own rights, or is it about sacrificing ourselves?
And as it is with our country, so much greater as it is with Jesus Christ, who laid aside his rights and gave up himself so that we might be saved. He is the bridegroom. The pattern, the demonstration of what marriage is all about. I’m going to go back and forth between Peter and Paul talking about marriage so we can highlight and emphasize just how embedded this pattern is biblically to look to Jesus the bridegroom in our marriages. I want to take us over to Ephesians where Paul is talking about marriage.
And Paul in Ephesians 5, verse 31 and 32 says this. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and, and the church. In other words, at the center of any marriage is a reflection. It’s a shadow of the ultimate reality that’s there for us all.
Every marriage is to point to the heart of Jesus for his bride, us, the church. This is why we don’t get to choose what marriage is. Marriage is between one man and one woman for one lifetime because it’s a shadow of. Of that ultimate reality with Jesus, the bridegroom and the church as the bride wed for eternity. And in this, in this, we begin to see the heartbeat of marriage.
Let me take us back to 1 Peter. Before I do, let me just provide some caveats. I warned you that this is going to be a challenging.
And as we hear this passage, I just. It’s just going to be a reality for all of us that we’re going to have these places in the passage. We’re going to. We’re going to want to push back. We’re going to want to give exceptions to our own heart in.
And I would just invite you to step in and trust your heart to God in the passage. To trust yourself to God, to continue to look to Jesus in the middle of the passage. And also there are caveats. We will get to the end of this, and we’re gonna get to the caveats. And I would invite you, as you’re listening, not to be looking for a way out, but for a way in.
And so we begin with Peter’s words to wives. He says this in first Peter 3, starting in verse one, likewise, wives. Now just pause right there. Likewise, like what? Well, he’s just finished talking about Jesus, who is despised and rejected.
Before that, he was talking about slaves and their relationship to their masters. Likewise, in the same manner that Jesus was despised and rejected in the same manners in which you live that out in the context of a master slave relationship. Now, can you feel the discomfort already? Like this is the basic baseline expectation. Peter brings in a marriage, and he’s going to do the same for husbands, too, by the way.
Now, that’s pretty radically different than the dream within a dream our culture promises, isn’t it? Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the Word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. When they see your respectful and pure conduct, wives, Peter says, I want you to live your life in a way that you’re winning the heart of your husband to Christ. Now, let me give a couple of pieces of cultural understanding here. Piece number one.
In the ancient world, women at this time really doesn’t matter the culture, but we’re talking about Roman culture, certainly was the case. In Roman culture, women were of the same rank as household slaves. They could be given away by a man of household. They could be divorced very easily, they could be pushed aside. They had limited rights.
It’s the reality of the Roman world. And so they were mistreated and not given the dignity that they deserved. And then the Gospel of Jesus Christ comes. And as the Gospel of Jesus Christ comes, this word, this radical word is spoken, that men and women are. The language Peter’s going to use here in just a bit are coheirs of God are of equal dignity and value.
And reflecting the image of God, it’s a transformative word of worth to women in the ancient world. It’s unsurprising then, that the gospel found a quicker hearing of among women. And it appears as Peter’s speaking to this group, as though there’s an imbalance, that there’s more women in marriages who have come to Christ than men. And so there’s a number of women in this congregation, many women who are married to unbelieving husbands. And here’s the reality, here’s how we would experience that and the danger of that experience.
So as a woman in an ancient world, you come to Christ, you begin to have your eyes open to the dignity and the value that Christ and that God bestows upon you. A beautiful thing. The danger of that then is to begin to assert those rights in the context of your marriage. To say, yeah, but this culture demands that I submit, but I am of equal worth and dignity, so I refuse to. And Peter says, you don’t submit because of the culture and the cultural expectations.
You submit because you are a follower of Jesus Christ and made in his image. And as you experience the life transformative work of Christ in your life, you recognize that to follow Christ is to be one who submits. Christ did not cling to his rights, but gave up his rights and was despised and rejected for the sake of his spouse. And so too women. Peter says, you step into that place of submission.
Submission is not a four letter word in Christianity. It’s not a word that we despise. It’s a word that we step into and don’t miss the why? Why? So that you can win your husbands.
Peter says, win your husbands in Romans. Paul says it this way. Outdo one another in showing honor. Live in such a way that your life reflects not just the message of Christ, but is itself an example of, of the life of Christ. Outdo one another in showing honor.
He continues in verse three through six, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair, the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children. If you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Women, I want you to be transformed by the work of Christ in your life. To step in and trust him with your heart.
And as you imitate him, imitate him in submitting to your husbands. What is submission, by the way? Submission, we could say, is finding delight in laying down your preferences and showing honor and respect. Finding delight in laying down your preferences. And Peter says, as you submit, your heart is transformed, is beautified.
Like we’ve all experienced this, right? Like you meet somebody who just seems like a pretty ordinary looking person, begin to hang out with them, and you get to know their heart and you’re like this person. What an incredible human being they are. They reflect the heart of Jesus. And the days and the weeks and the months pass and you don’t even see the ordinariness anymore.
They’re A beautiful human being. And also the likewise happens, right? We’ve all had this experience, really good looking human being from the outside. And the more we press in, the more ugly it gets. And pretty soon we’re like, I don’t know how I ever thought they were beautiful.
Because what comes from within is the source of beauty. Our hearts are meant to reflect Jesus and to press in.
Paul has similar language to this. Both Peter and Paul, they begin their letters in Ephesians and then in first Peter with these invitations into knowing who we are in Jesus Christ. And then they press those in in practical applications, in how we begin to live life. For Paul, he begins this in chapter five by pressing us into what it looks like to live life within the church, within the family of believers of the faith. He says this in Ephesians 5, starting in verse 1 and 2.
Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. It’s the same invitation of Peter. Look to Jesus, who not only redeemed you but now has given you a pattern of living. Be imitators of him. And what’s the heart of Jesus there?
A heart that gives himself up. Gives himself up. Paul then teases that out and how it looks in community. And he concludes with this invitation to the whole community before he. Then he transitions to talk about marriage, how that looks like in marriage.
His final verse is this. Submitting to one another, man and woman, in the context of community, out of reverence for Christ. So hear that Submission biblically is not a female invitation. It is a Christian invitation. Those who follow Christ submit.
They give up their rights and in doing so they imitate Christ. Any of you find yourself in your ugliest places being those who are clinging to your rights. Man, that’s me. My ugliest places. I’m demanding what I think is mine.
The Christian looks to Christ and submits, releases those rights out of the delight, out of the honor, out of the respect for the other person. That’s for all Christians and it’s also for wives. Paul continues with an admonition directly to wives in Ephesians 5. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. You submit to your husband because in this shadow of the beautiful reality, you get to play the honor of the love of God’s people for Jesus as you honor your husband.
As you submit to your husband, you reflect our honor and our submission to Jesus. Now listen very closely and very clearly. Both Paul and Peter, they lay these very hard commands at the feet of wives and of husbands. Those commands are not to be weaponized. Husbands, the call for you is about to begin.
Your call is not to demand submission out of your wife, and it’s to step into God’s command to you as a follower of Jesus Christ.
We step in because of Jesus. Because of Jesus. The passage continues in verse 7 of 1st Peter 3. Likewise, husbands. Likewise.
Likewise what? Likewise in the manner of Jesus Christ and his sacrificial life. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, in a sensitive way, in a way that presses after their heart, that treasures them, that understands that they’re different than you. You don’t get to love them just in the way that you feel loved.
You get to love them and get to pursue and know them in the way in which they feel loved. Living your wise in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Oh, that’s cringy part, isn’t it? What is he talking about there? Let me give two explanations here.
Commentators give two explanations. I think they’re both correct, although the weight of the second one, I think is more helpful in the practicality of our lives. The weaker vessel. Just a clear statement, an obvious statement that on average, men are bigger and stronger than women and so ought to treat them with the care and respect of someone who is not as physically strong as imposing, does not have testosterone running through their veins in the same way in which men do treat them in an understanding way as the weaker vessel. The second, we’re going to have to flip our mindset and understand what a vessel is in the first century.
What’s a vessel? A vessel is a common household object that carries things often made of clay. You would have different types of vessels in the house, the vessels that would last the longest. In fact, if you look at archaeology, you can find, like, household, like oil pots that were big and sturdy and, you know, rough and tumble, that were passed on generation to generation. You could tell that by sort of the oil remnants within those vessels.
That’s you guys. You’re the stronger, the tougher vessel. In contemporary terms, you’re the Tupperware cup, the everyday cup. Right, the plastic cup. All right.
And Then there’s the weaker vessels. What’s a weaker vessel? It’s a vessel with thinner walls, it’s of more value. It’s only brought out on fine occasions. It’s.
If you’re a friend’s fan, it’s Monica’s china. It’s the type of vessel that you take care of, that you don’t treat roughly. It’s the, in our terms, the wine glass, right? And what Peter is saying here is that men and women, you are different, you are shaped differently, you are equal in your image, bearing, status of God, and yet you are different beings, both emotional, both purposed by God. But if you, I don’t know, if you’re a woman who grew up in like an all girl household, you can probably remember that time when all of a sudden you were like, with the guys and the guys were acting like guys and you’re like, what is this?
Like, these guys are pretty rough and tumble with each other. It’s because they’re the plasticware. And you know what you can do with plasticware? Well, you can, you can just, you can handle it kind of roughly. It takes a licking, keeps on ticking, right?
That thing is good to go, no problem there. You don’t treat, you don’t treat the fine vessels the same way. You don’t treat the wine glass the same way you got, you just throw it at you. You can’t drop it on the ground. It breaks, it shatters.
Could I just contemporize this? Husbands don’t treat your wife like a dude, like one of the guys. Now, let’s be honest. Sometimes the way we treat the guys is not also a godly thing either. But especially with your wife.
Don’t treat her like she’s like you. She’s a valuable reflection and imitation of God who’s made differently than you. Show her honor. Peter says show her honor. Two weeks ago, I finished work here, went straight to the gym, got my workout in.
As I’m working out, I do that thing where you look at your calendar and God bless it, my calendar was empty the rest of the day. And I thought to myself, oh, delightful. I get to go home, get to put on comfortable clothes and just chill out the rest of the day. I get home and my wife, angel, has a smile on her face. And I’m thinking this smile must be because we’re both excited about the relaxing afternoon we’re about to share.
And instead, my wife, who informs me that she’s moving offices. And so the office of the new place that she was Moving to. The owner had contacted her. She thought she could move in later that week, but lo and behold, we could move in that day.
I was so excited.
Yay, honey. So are we moving in? Yeah. And so we did. So I hopped in the car, and up we went with all the stuff.
And angel was in nesting mode, and I was in get it done mode. Like, let’s get the husband brownie points and let’s get out of here. So I’m, like, moving at double speed, and Angel’s like, ooh, let’s turn the rug the other way.
What if we switch the placement of the chair and the love seat? Don’t you think? Those pictures. Do you think they’re even? Honey, can we rehang them on this wall?
And I’m there, but I’m not there. In an understanding way, in a showing honor way. And so as we are leaving, finally, as we step out on her little counselor’s chair, there’s a bin on top of that, and then a lovely vase of succulents on top of that bin. And I thought to myself, as we’re leaving, that’s a stupid idea. That thing is going to fall.
And then I thought to myself, john, you have no chips left. Shut your mouth and leave, boy. And so we did. Left, closed the door. As the door came close, I was like, oh, no.
We walk back in the room, and the vase is shattered everywhere, Soil all across the room. And for another hour, we’re there, beating out the rug, vacuuming, replacing everything, wiping things down.
Because I was not loving my wife in an understanding way. Showing honor to her, you see? Showing honor, living in an understanding way is not merely actions. It comes out of the heart. Husbands, are you treasuring your wife as Christ treasures the Church?
This is Paul’s language, too, over in Ephesians 5. Here’s Paul. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that he might present the Church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. For he who loves his wife, loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church. Because we are members of his body, Christ gives himself as a dowry, as a payment because of his deep love for his wife, the Church. And it’s not just a one time deal at the cross. It is his lifetime. A life of sacrifice, a life of honor, a life of treasuring, a life of living in an understanding way.
Jesus saw the crowds and he had compassion on them. How? Because he’s the perfect bridegroom. He lives with compassion welling up in his heart. But if you only knew.
But if you only knew how rude and absent my husband is. But if you only knew how disrespectful my wife is, how controlling she is. If you only knew.
And with that, we opt ourself out of the biblical model, out of the invitation to step into Christ’s heart, even when we are mistreated.
Is it true that if your husband loves you like Jesus loves the church, your life as a wife will be easier? Absolutely. Is it true that if your wife honors you and respects you, submits to you, your life as a husband will be easier? Absolutely. And yet that’s not the model of Christ, a if only model.
It’s a no matter model. Now let me get to the caveats. There are caveats. There are boundaries of this because of Christ’s deep love for us, because of his honor for us, and his understanding of just how profoundly sin has affected our hearts and the hearts of this world. There are boundaries of this.
There’s two times in Scripture we’re given the reality that we are permitted to divorce. Jesus in Matthew says we’re permitted to divorce in the matter of infidelity, behalf of unfaithfulness of our spouse. Paul over in 1 Corinthians 7 says we’re permitted to divorce if we have been abandoned by our spouse. Now I’ll just speak into this. This is a whole other sermon I can’t go into right now.
But I’ll just share my own thoughts on that abandonment piece. I do think that that refers to and can refer to emotional, to spiritual, to physical abuse. And yes, absolutely, there are times in which you remain married. And yet the reality is that to honor one another, to honor Christ’s separation, does make sense in some circumstances.
And also note the word that I used there, Jesus and Paul permit divorce. The heart of God is for reconciliation. The heart of God is for repentance. The heart of God is to restore broken marriages. And in this disposable world where marriage is so often about me and my own happiness, we dispose of it quickly.
So even if that is your circumstance, and I’m sorry if that’s your circumstance, we still are to press through with Christ, to look to him, to Be faithful in walking out with him, walking out with godly peers, with godly leaders that we entrust ourselves to, with godly counselors that we seek to press into and to pursue reconciliation, which first and foremost always begins with our own heart and our admission of our own piece of sin in the marriage. And so, yes, there are caveats. But marriage is about Jesus, the faithful bridegroom, who points us to him and points us to hope in him. Back to Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 32 and 33. This is how Paul concludes this passage.
This mystery is profound and I am saying that it marriage refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. So what do we do with this? First, let me return to singles. Singles, look to the bridegroom.
Look to the bridegroom. Your hope, all of our hope is in Jesus the bridegroom. You are not missing out on the ultimate expression of marriage. If you are in Christ, you will one day have the perfect bridegroom.
Singles, don’t use your freedom as an out for submission, for giving up your own rights as this world would have you, but use it to submit to one another, to press in to release your rights.
Are you idolizing your singleness? Singles, are you idolizing marriage?
Now, to those who are married, look to your bridegroom, look to your bridegroom, look to Jesus. Your marriage is meant to grow you in the Lord. You put two sinners together and it can be painful.
That’s a lot of sin in an itty bitty place, isn’t it? It’s a lot of pain and yet it is there for your sanctification to point you to Jesus, to press you in in your hope of Him. What sacrifice can you make today in your marriage?
What sacrifice can you make today in your marriage? Remember, you do not sanctify your actions. Your withholding, your abusive, your controlling, your demeaning tone, your cold shoulder, your absenteeism, your transactionality. None of that will bring sanctification to your spouse. It’s sin.
And it’s on you to step in with trust of Jesus Christ. Jesus doesn’t need you to sanctify your spouse.
Well, I’ll do that when she does. No, no.
That they may be one without a word is what Peter says. Win your spouse to Jesus. Wives, one question for you. And then husbands, one question for you. Wives first.
I mean, this is your question. How can you grow in having your pure conduct honor Christ and your husband?
How can you Honor Christ and your husband through your pure conduct. Maybe that’s a question if you have the courage to ask it, you could ask your husbands this afternoon. Husbands question for you. How can you grow in better honoring your wife by seeking to understand her? How can you grow in better honoring your wife by seeking to understand her?
Likewise, maybe a question to ask your wife this afternoon in all these things, marriage points us to Jesus, the perfect groom, our hope, our rescue, the one in whom all of the promises of God are fulfilled and who demonstrates the heartbeat, the sacrificial heartbeat of marriage. To us. It’s him we look to, and it’s him that we fittingly close with in communion. In communion, we reflect on the sacrifice of the bridegroom for his bride. And so if you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you’re invited to the table.
A time of remembering Jesus, remembering his heart, remembering his sacrifice. If you’re here with us in person, we would love for you to come forward. We have two tables up front, two tables in the back. Back on this side is the gluten free options. Come forward as we reflect on the sacrifice of our Savior.
If you’re worshiping with us online, invite you to grab something in your own home as you step into communion with us. Communion is a beautiful invitation to participate in the body, the blood of Jesus Christ, to reflect on his sacrifice for us.
As you grab those elements, take them back to your seat. We’re going to partake of them together here in, in just a minute.
On the night before Jesus was sacrificed, he gathered his disciples together.
And as he gathered them together, he set their hearts, he prepared their hearts for what they were about to witness in his crucifixion. That on the cross where Jesus, the creator and sustainer of the universe, laid aside his rights, that he would be broken for us, for our salvation. There. There we see love. There we see the pattern of love.
There we see our great Savior, our great bridegroom, giving up everything for us.
So the night before he was crucified, he took the bread. And breaking the bread, he said, this is my body. It’s broken for you whenever you eat of it. Do so in memory of me. Let’s eat the broken body of our bridegroom.
Jesus, what love is this that you would give your life for us?
That would you step into death, that you would live a life day by day of sacrifice, Lord, that we might be healed. Thank you for your sacrifice. Amen. Jesus then took the cup.
Taking the cup, he said, this is the cup of the new covenant. A new relationship that God formed with his people because of the work of Jesus Christ.
A covenant not of striving, not of being better, not of trying harder, but a covenant of living in the accomplished work of Jesus Christ.
The promise of the redemption, the transformation. That we, the Bride of Christ, have been washed clean, who are robed in white because we have been transformed by his sacrifice. This is the cup of the new covenant. Jesus said, my blood shed for the forgiveness of all your sins. Whenever you drink of it, do so in memory of me.
Let’s drink.
Jesus, we thank you so much. We confess, Lord, that we fail, we fall, we sin, we’re selfish, we’re self centered. And we look to you, God, the One who transforms us, who heals us, who forgives our sin. And we say, thank you. Thank you.
Make us new. Help us to live in the step of the Spirit, in new life with you, looking like you in all we do that the world might see the heart of Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom and his great love for us. It’s in his name we pray. Amen. Amen.
Let’s stand and respond in song.
