How to Write a Christian Passive Aggressive Note

by Jon Acuff

Someone sent me a picture of a sign they saw in a church.

It is perhaps the greatest Christian passive aggressive note I have ever seen in my life. Since we Christians are so into “teachable moments” I thought I might be able to redeem this but turning it into a teaching tool. Let’s do life together. We’re in a season. We should sit in circles not rows!

Sorry, I get a little carried away when I start down the path of the ole Christian conversation.

Here is how to write an amazing Christian passive aggressive note.

1. CAPS. YOU GOTTA GO WITH CAPS. You know who loves lower case? The devil. How do I know? Because hell is lower than heaven.

2. Start off by calling people “servants.” Come right out of the gate with a strong reminder that this note is not addressed to church members, it’s addressed to “servants.” How are you going to argue with whatever is in the note after that title? What you’re not a servant? Oh, you’re too good to be a servant?

3. If at all possible, get Jesus in the first sentence.

4. Put him in twice in the first sentence if you can and looking at this note, they could.

5. Three times if you want to slap the reader just they think it’s over. I love the completely unexpected … for walking with Jesus. Always come back to Jesus. We’re not thanking you for cleaning up like the disciples did when they had to pick up all those fish and loaves. We’re thanking you for walking with Jesus.

6. Do not worry at all about spacing or fonts or punctuation.

7. Throw a Bible verse in at the end. The one they used here is actually a curious choice because it’s about complaining.

One could easily argue that the passive aggressive note is a form of complaining. That’s actually black belt note writing right there. They used a verse against the reader of the note before the reader could use it against the writer of the note. Brilliant. Bonus points for using a verse that makes it impossible for servants to complain. “See right there in the Bible? Says you can’t complain! Boom! Shot blocked your complaint with a Bible verse!” 

A lot of people would instead suggest that you actually be in community with other people. That you write short, clear notes that don’t shame people but instead encourage everyone to pitch in. But that approach can take forever. It’s a lot faster and easier to skip that whole “be in messy relationships with people who are imperfect just like you” thing and instead write a passive aggressive note.

I appreciate you reading this blog post. Thanks … for walking with Jesus.

“Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32. 

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