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Terrorism: Fighting Satan in Our Time

by Chet Weld
written by Chet Weld

In order to preserve civilization, decisive action against terror organizations is not an option.  Can we forgive our enemies, as Jesus mandated, and crush them at the same time?  Can God’s love of people be separated from His hatred of evil?  What is the best possible role that America should play in the war against ISIS, Hamas, Houthi and its comrades in terror?  What would be the consequences of non-action?  Is this a war for only Arab nations to fight?  Would Jesus go to war against Satan’s representatives?  This article attempts to answer these questions from a biblical and common sense perspective.

CONTEXT

None of the 21 Coptic Christians who were beheaded denied Christ.  The last words of one of the innocents was a loud, “Jesus!”  Tens of thousands of Christians and those of other faiths have been beheaded, sold into slavery and burned alive, killed and had their organs harvested, and have been otherwise tortured to death by those who proclaim themselves to be followers of Muhammad.  Increasingly, the focus is on Christians.

WHAT IS AMERICA AND THE CIVILIZED WORLD DOING ABOUT TERRORISM?    

With a tidal wave of barbarism crashing against the shores of civilization, the civilized world is barely fighting back.  As Germany was in 1932 and 1933, so is now the Middle East.   However, without the intervention of righteous men and women, 1938 and 1939 will likely be upon us soon, even coming to a mall near you.  Every year, women are killed in the U.S. by a relative in the name of family honor.   Though these criminals have not bought into our cultural values, or even into our laws to maintain order, we have accepted their right to live and believe as they wish.  In the Old Testament, God allowed “aliens” (non-Jews) to become Jews, but he also required that they live and believe as Jews (Exodus 12:48).  All other nations of the world presently require, or have required until now, that immigrants pledge to abide by the laws of their new country.

WHAT SHOULD FOLLOWERS OF CHRIST DO?

BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

More to the biblical point: What is the mind of Christ in this situation?  Is there a difference between how a nation should respond and how an individual should respond?  Jesus said to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:43).  Are we to love and forgive the ISIS terrorists?  As our enemies increasingly focus their efforts on the “little Satan,” Israel, with the long range view to the “great Satan,” the United States, we might want to keep in mind that there is a difference between loving our enemies and allowing them to destroy all that is noble and good.  As Christians should we forgive them?  Should we fight against evil?  Should we do both at the same time and forgive evil of this level of degradation?  Perhaps, there is a difference between our responsibility as individuals and as a nation.  Jesus always stood strongly against the kingdom of Satan.  In Matthew 11:12 Jesus said, “And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.”  It appears that Jesus wants us to stand against Satan and do our best to establish His kingdom here on earth, as He “draws all men to him” (John 12:32).  As the terrorists would have it, there will be no men open enough to be drawn to Him.  That time will come eventually, of course, but such timing is not in our hands.  What’s in our hands is to press forward to establish His kingdom.

SPECIFIC BIBLICAL INJUNCTIONS: Loving People and Hating Evil    

The Bible speaks to this conundrum.  Let’s first consider that if we cannot separate God’s hatred of evil from His love of people, the answer seems to be that we should fight against evil, as we did in WWII.   We know that God is “one God.”  God cannot be divided into parts.  For example, we cannot separate God’s justice from His mercy, or His hatred of evil from His love of people.  All of God is everywhere.  He is indivisible.  Therefore, the more God conforms our character into His image, the more we will both love justice and hate evil.  Proverbs 8:13 states, “The fear of the Lord [standing in awe of God] is to hate evil.”  Many other scriptures state that God’s essence is love.  He is our loving heavenly Father.

Therefore, if we love God and the tens of thousands of innocent martyrs, we must also hate evil.  Although no one knows what the present policy of America toward worldwide terrorism is, the policy seems to be to contain evil.  This strategy, of course, is not aimed at stopping or destroying the threat of the mass murder of millions upon millions.

If a group of gang-bangers were murdering people in your neighborhood, would you call the police?  Romans 13 supports calling the police, as such peacemakers are ultimately appointed by God for our safety.  Hebrews 11:34 even speaks of heroes who “waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens” (KJV).  These heroes led the destruction of cultures that sacrificed their children in the fire to gods of wood and stone.

Jesus told us to be “wise as serpents and innocent as doves,” (Matthew 10:16), meaning we must  discern the difference between a sheep and a goat, between loving others and doing what is necessary to protect ourselves and guard the liberties that God has given us (drawing boundaries).  As Proverbs 4:18 advises, we are to “guard our hearts” with all diligence.  And Romans 13 states that our own rulers are established by God to be His representatives who do “not bear the sword for nothing” (vs. 4).  Our policemen and, by implication, our armies are for our protection.

We know that Jesus had the discernment to know when to outwardly love and when to vehemently defend and protect.   Christ declared that the converts of the hypocritical religious teachers of His day were “twice the sons of hell” as they, the teachers, were (Matthew 23:15).  He hated the demons that He cast out.  And though He taught us to “turn the other cheek,” when He was struck at His illegal trial, He said, “Why did you strike me” (John 18:23)?  Because of the evil in the world, Christ was a “man of sorrows.”  He weeps for those who suffer at the hands of the terrorists (see Isaiah 63:9).  I believe that He even weeps for the terrorists until He finally turns them over to a “reprobate mind” (Romans 1:28).  At this point, if Christ does not weep for them, we also need not weep.

At the same time that Christ loved people, He hated evil.  Christ was the most loving and most joyful man that ever lived.  He performed His first miracle at a wedding and celebrated life.  As the voice of wisdom personified states in Proverbs 8:30-31, so believed Christ: “I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, rejoicing in his whole world, and delighting in mankind.”    Therefore, it is possible for all of us to continue to celebrate life and the wonders of God’s creation while at the same time feeling the pain of those who have lost loved ones to barbaric cruelty.

Based on Christ’s love of people and hatred of evil, it is likely that Christ would condone all efforts to stop the murder of innocents.  Even if all world events fall into a pattern to bring about end time events or other unknown purposes, because we cannot fully understand the pattern or His purposes, we must live our lives one day at a time and respond to evil as righteous men and women have responded since the world began.

THE RESPONSE OF RIGHTEOUS MEN AND WOMEN   

The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 2:9 that we are to love people, but we are to do so with wisdom and knowledge (and not be naïve and taken advantage of).  There is a horrific and ultimate destination for evil doers where “the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:48).  Clearly, there is also a time and season for all things, a time to kill and a time to heal (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3).

In Romans 1:28, the Apostle Paul states that God gave some people over to a “depraved” or “reprobate mind.”  In the realm of sin, the atrocious acts that we witness via television are the “end of the line.”  The terrorists who call themselves warriors for Muhammad are evil incarnate and are probably closer to the edge of hell than even Paul could have imagined.  Psalm 73:18 speaks of evil people standing on a “slippery slope.”  Jesus refers to those who do not build the foundation of their lives on Him as building on “sinking sand” (Matthew 7:26).

Peter said that God did not spare from hell the angels that rebelled; nor did He spare the evil people in Noah’s day, nor the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.  Peter even described false teachers as “brute beasts, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like beasts they too will perish” (2 Peter 2).  Again, hear this: Peter says that some people are “born to be destroyed.”  This from one of Christ’s most devoted and loving disciples.  One of the most famous representatives of Christ in the history of the world.  A man of love and peace.

Jesus, our loving Lord and Savior, stated that in His time, all sin would be forgiven except “blasphemy against the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 12:31).  There are debates about what this sin is, and I have an opinion.  But my opinion doesn’t matter in this discussion.  Whatever the sin was (or is) could not exceed the sin being committed by the most ruthless barbarians ever known in history, savages that put to death the followers of Christ, Jews, Muslims of slightly different beliefs, and people of any other faith than theirs.

Psalm 1:6 says, “For the Lord knows the way of the godly, but the way of the ungodly shall perish.”  There is no doubt.  Even Jesus and the New Testament that emphasize the grace and love of God speak clearly to the need to combat evil, unless otherwise individually spoken to, as God does speaks to each of us individually, e.g., you may be chosen for martyrdom (John 10:4, 27).

RESPONDING AS INDIVIDUALS

What about our attitude as individuals?  If someone is chosen for martyrdom, God would want us to forgive our murderers, as He forgave His murderers on the cross.  Also, consider the relatives of the victims.  Will they find inner peace in any other way except through forgiveness?  Of course not.  Nevertheless, when the killer of their son or daughter is executed or falls in battle, these same relatives might obtain some satisfaction, knowing that God’s justice has been accomplished.

The best course of action in regards to our personal vengeance is to leave it alone.  Romans 12:17 says, “Leave room for God’s wrath; vengeance is mine, says the Lord.”  If we don’t “leave room” for God’s wrath, but execute our own judgment, we risk that God’s judgment may not prevail or, perhaps, will be less severe.  This point of view is proposed by Proverbs 24:17, which states, “Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him.”  Most of us would prefer that evil doers suffer God’s judgment, rather than our own.  Again, on an individual basis, scripture seems to teach forgiveness, along with trust in God.  If we trust in God, His justice will be accomplished.  Therefore, as individuals we are to forgive our enemies.

(See also “Rise of ISIS: A Threat We Can’t Ignore,” by Jay Sekulow and his website, along with multiple Internet articles.)

Dr. Weld’s views do not necessarily represent the views of PreachItTeachIt.org, and PITI welcomes comments.

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Devotionals

Obstacles? Stand for What’s Right

by Randy Carlson
written by Randy Carlson

Then Haman approached King Xerxes and said, “There is a certain race of people scattered through all the provinces of your empire who keep themselves separate from everyone else. Their laws are different from those of any other people, and they refuse to obey the laws of the king. So it is not in the king’s interest to let them live. If it please the king, issue a decree that they be destroyed, and I will give 10,000 large sacks of silver to the government administrators to be deposited in the royal treasury.” The king agreed, confirming his decision by removing his signet ring from his finger and giving it to Haman son of Hammedatha the Agagite, the enemy of the Jews. The king said, “The money and the people are both yours to do with as you see fit” … Dispatches were sent by swift messengers into all the provinces of the empire, giving the order that all Jews—young and old, including women and children—must be killed, slaughtered, and annihilated on a single day. This was scheduled to happen on March 7 of the next year. The property of the Jews would be given to those who killed them. A copy of this decree was to be issued as law in every province and proclaimed to all peoples, so that they would be ready to do their duty on the appointed day. (Esther 3:8-11, 13-14 NLT)

Persecution? No, genocide. Now the Jews, who are no strangers to suffering, being surrounded by enemies, in this case because of their disobedience to God, were in exile because of their sins. But, God had promised that He would bring them back, so wiping them out was not part of His plan. It was the plan of a very evil individual named Haman. Mordecai, another main character of the book and a leader of the Jews and uncle to Queen Esther, who was also Jewish, contacts her, telling her of the decree and asks Esther to go to the king and beg for mercy and plead for her people.

Unfortunately, it was court etiquette that if someone was not summoned by the king and tried to appear before him without an invite, it resulted in death. Mordecai’s response was: Who knows if perhaps you were made Queen for just a time as this? Esther asks Mordecai to gather all the Jews and fast for her three days, then she would try to go before the king.

Following Esther being granted an audience with the King, intrigue abounds (chapters 5-9) which eventually leads to the decree being repealed, the Jews being saved, Haman disgraced and killed and Mordecai exalted.

An interesting characteristic of the book of Esther: nowhere is God mentioned. But you see His works all over the place. And because of the deeds of a couple of righteous individuals, an entire nation was saved. I wonder what God would do if we would stand for His righteousness for such a time as this?

www.theintentionallife.com.

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Devotionals

How to Deal with Roadblocks and Resistance

by Randy Carlson
written by Randy Carlson

When you set out with intention to fulfill God’s purpose for your life, you are going to face resistance and encounter roadblocks. They are inevitable.

Take Nola Ochs, for example. Her husband passed away in 1972, and she figured she would be gone soon after. For five years, she sat around, waiting to die. But then she decided she wasn’t done – and started living with intention.

First, it was tennis lessons. Then a few college courses, and soon she was pursuing a bachelor’s degree. At age 95 she became the oldest college graduate. Still not done, she earned her master’s degree at 98 years of age.

When you come to a roadblock, do you quit and go home, or find another way to reach your destination? “One thing I do,” the Apostle Paul said, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me” (Philippians 3:13-14).

Roadblocks may be unexpected, but resistance is a constant from birth to death, and it takes many curious forms:

  • Fear. Don’t allow fear to overcome your intentions. “All men are afraid in battle,” General George Patton said. “The coward is one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty.”
  • Criticism. Parents, teachers, employers and friends can beat you down. But if your goal is God-given, refuse to be derailed.
  • Perfectionism. The message that you’re never good enough will sabotage your progress if you take your eyes off the prize and focus on your own shortcomings.
  • Success. Sometimes success comes so early that it acts as a detriment. If you feel like a “one-hit wonder,” remember that with Christ, your future is always brighter than your past (Jeremiah 29:11).
  • Age. Perhaps the greatest lie of all is that you’re all washed up. Nola didn’t believe it, and neither should you.

When you lean into life instead of lying back, you won’t be knocked off your feet by hardship or crisis. Commit your way to God, and press toward the goal He has for you, no matter what.

www.theintentionallife.com.

 

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Devotionals

When You Have Too Much Bad News

by Randy Carlson
written by Randy Carlson

In the days when the judges ruled in Israel, a severe famine came upon the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah left his home and went to live in the country of Moab, taking his wife and two sons with him.  The man’s name was Elimelech, and his wife was Naomi. Their two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in the land of Judah. And when they reached Moab, they settled there. Then Elimelech died, and Naomi was left with her two sons. The two sons married Moabite women. One married a woman named Orpah, and the other a woman named Ruth. But about ten years later, both Mahlon and Kilion died. This left Naomi alone, without her two sons or her husband. (Ruth 1:1-5 NLT)

No husband. No sons. No grandchildren. 

Sometime later, Naomi heard that Israel was once again being blessed by the Lord, so she and her daughters-in-law get ready to return to her homeland. On the way, Naomi says: “Go back to your mothers’ homes…” Then she kissed them good-bye, and they all broke down and wept. (v.8-9)

Ruth responds: “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. 17 Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” (v.16-17) So Ruth and Naomi return to Bethlehem.

Later in the book, Ruth marries a guy named Boaz and they have a son named Obed. Now, I’ve got to admit, this could become a Hallmark movie because everyone lives happily ever after. Why do I say that? At the end of the book, the writer gives us the genealogy of Ruth’s child: Boaz was the father of Obed.  Obed was the father of Jesse. Jesse was the father of David. And who was of the son of David? Jesus. So, despite the loss of her husband and sons, Naomi holds a critical role in the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Hence, happily ever after.

theintentionallife.com.

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Devotionals

Six Critical Moves to Solve Life’s Problems

by Randy Carlson
written by Randy Carlson

Change is inevitable, and it can be a difficult thing in life. Over my 25-plus years of leadership, I’ve learned six critical moves to solving life problems and I want to share them with you. They come directly from Scripture.

When we go through change, the quality of the questions we ask – about life, family, ministry and finances – make all the difference. So, let’s get started with the six critical moves we should make to solve life problems.

You have to ask the right questions.
In the Book of Nehemiah, the people have lived in captivity for 70 years, as a result of their disobedience to God. Nehemiah served in a high position in the palace of the Babylonian king. And Nehemiah asked some of his fellow Jews a question – the right question – that started a series of powerful events in his life. Nehemiah “questioned them about the Jewish remnant that had survived the exile, and also about Jerusalem” (Nehemiah 1:2 NIV).

You have to own the problem.
The reply Nehemiah received to his question disturbed him. They reported to him that his homeland was in disarray; Jerusalem’s walls had fallen. The gates had been burned with fire, and the people were in trouble.Nehemiah owned the problem. He said, “When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven” (Nehemiah 1:4 NIV). He refused to walk away from it or deny it; he owned it.When we go through change, it’s a loss. A loss always creates feelings of grief and a need to mourn. We can become stuck sometimes in periods of loss. As we try to move ahead, we struggle because we drag the loss along with us.

Over a period of three or four months, Nehemiah took time to mourn, to weep, to pray and to plan. He owned that problem. He wrestled with it.

      1. Create a picture of a better future.
        After four months of praying and planning, Nehemiah went to the king he served and created a clear picture of the future of what he wanted to do for his people. He said, “If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my ancestors are buried so that I can rebuild it,” (Nehemiah 2:5 NIV).When you create a better image, it will change your focus and your priorities.
      2. Own the plan.
        Leaders cannot delegate the plan. As mothers, fathers or business leaders, we have to own the plan.After the king gave Nehemiah permission to return to Jerusalem and rebuild the walls, he developed his own plan. He got up at night and went to see the problem himself. He inspected the condition of the city, so he could own the plan (Nehemiah 2:11-16).It’s vitally important to assess the reality you’re facing. Nehemiah needed to see the reality of what he heard. He heard the walls were down, and the gates had been burned, but he needed to see it for himself.
      3. Share the vision intentionally.
        This was true for Nehemiah. At this point, if we were to stop the lesson right here, it sounds like a rosy ending to a very difficult process as he’s now rebuilding the walls, and he completed it in 52 days.
      4. Expect opposition but keep going anyway.
        In Nehemiah 2:19, it begins with the word, but, which means something is coming that interrupts the flow. Right after the people began the process of rebuilding the walls, opposition showed up. “But when Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite official and Geshem the Arab heard about it, they mocked and ridiculed us. ‘What is this you are doing?’ they asked. ‘Are you rebelling against the king?’” People will rise up to oppose whatever it is that God has laid on your heart to do.

www.theintentionallife.com.

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Devotionals

Dealing with Trauma

by Randy Carlson
written by Randy Carlson

It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple.  Attending him were mighty seraphim, each having six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew. They were calling out to each other, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies! The whole earth is filled with his glory!” Their voices shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire building was filled with smoke. Then I said, “It’s all over! I am doomed, for I am a sinful man. I have filthy lips, and I live among a people with filthy lips. Yet I have seen the King, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.” Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal he had taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. He touched my lips with it and said, “See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.” Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.” (Isaiah 6:1-8 NLT)

We learn from Isaiah that seeing the “Holy, holy, holy” LORD is perilous. “It’s all over! I am doomed…” When you look up the Hebrew word for Isaiah’s condition, you find the following definition: to cease, cut off, destroy, perish and undone. Yeah, that sounds pretty perilous, if not, in fact, lethal. And this was just a vision. Here’s what the LORD said to Moses, and that may have been what Isaiah was thinking:

And the Lord said to Moses, “This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.” Moses said, “Please show me your glory.” And he said, “I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name ‘The Lord.’ And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live.” (Exodus 33:17-20 ESV)

Isaiah knew he had no justification to stand before the Lord: “It’s all over! I am doomed, for I am a sinful man. I have filthy lips, and I live among a people with filthy lips.” He was a sinner, and he lived with a bunch of sinners. I wonder if the apostle Paul was thinking of this passage when he wrote: Do not be deceived: “Bad Company ruins good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV)

I suppose Isaiah could’ve fled, but how do you flee a vision? Yet he admitted his condition, and he had seen the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. After his confession, a seraphim — which I’m sure was a scary enough creature — took a burning coal from the altar and touched his lips. The result? “Your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.” Then comes a call followed by Isaiah’s act of obedience.

What could have been perilous became a purpose, and resulted in a ministry that touches lives still today. Have you ever walked away from, or maybe even fled from, a decision or situation that the LORD wanted you to face? Wanted you to endure? That particular call may be lost, but like Isaiah, you can have your guilt removed and your sins forgiven. And then in these uncertain and perhaps perilous times, you too will be obedient, answer His call and stand for Christ. I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13 NLT)

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Devotionals

David’s Prayer

by Julie Barrier
written by Julie Barrier

GOD CAME TO US AND OFFERED HIMSELF. HOW DO WE RETURN TO HIM?

Psalm 51, was penned by David immediately after Nathan the prophet had confronted him. It is one of the most powerful expressions of repentance in all of the Bible. The psalm is divided into five parts: the basic plea for God’s pardon (vs. 1ff), the reasons on which his plea was built (vs. 3-6), the plea renewed in great detail (vs. 7-12), the resolve to offer grateful service to God (vs. 13-17), and a prayer for the welfare of Jerusalem and the nation as a whole (vs. 18ff).

The introduction to Psalm 51 begins with “To the choir director. A psalm of David, when the prophet Nathan came to him after he had gone into Bathsheba.” This introduction is inspirational for us as well, because after the king had fallen, repented publicly, and vulnerably shared his journey back to God, he gave his prayer to the choir director so that all Is- rael could sing it. No matter how far we fall away from God, he can use our failures to bless the lives of others.

Three Hebrew words for sin are used in this psalm. Pesha is rebellion, or premeditated disobedience. ‘Awon is twisting moral standards, or crookedness. Chatta’th is missing the mark for what God created us to be. David confessed to all three of these. In verses three and four, David agrees with God about his sin, and cries that he recognizes his sin ulti- mately was against Him. The repercussions for all of his wrong choices hurt two families and an entire nation. David is saying that his sin toward everyone else pales in significance to how he broke God’s heart. We would describe David’s statement as godly sorrow. He felt how God felt about his sin. Paul says that godly sorrow brings repentance in 2 Corin- thians 7:10-11:

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear your- selves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.” NIV

Paul is simply describing the wonderful qualities that are developed when we truly repent.

Psalm 51:11 says “Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.” Why would David say that? He had witnessed firsthand the terrible mental anguish King Saul experienced when God had taken His hand off of Saul’s life. That memory of playing his harp while Saul was in torment was indelibly etched upon David’s mind. Finally David asks God to restore the joy of his salvation and to sustain him with a willing spirit. These are wonderful, hopeful words for us. God never leaves us. We leave Him. And the moment we turn toward Him in repentance, He will restore our joy and our ministry.

• In John Maxwell’s Book, Failing Forward, he gives some tips on how to handle failure in a positive way. What do you think? Which steps are helpful to you? Which ones can you implement in your life today? Give an example of what each step might look like in your daily life.

Steps to Failing Forward

  1. Mourn about painful experiences and receive comfort.
  2. Find the benefit in every bad experience.
  3. See failure as an opportunity for personal growth.
  4. Be proactive and reduce your fear.
  5. Don’t let the failure from outside get inside you.
  6. Don’t let your past define you.
  7. Change yourself, and your world changes.
  8. Focus on the needs of others instead of your own all the time.
  9. Allow God to use others to help you work on your vulnerabilities.

• Think about a time when you felt far from God. In Romans 8:31-39, Paul writes “Who shall separate you from the love of Christ?” List those obstacles that Paul mentions and meditate on Jesus holding you and protecting you from each one. Write down those verses on a card and place it in your car or in your home this week.

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Devotionals

Beating Prayer Fatigue

by Tom Terry
written by Tom Terry

Have you ever stopped praying because you have lost heart, or feel like you’re just repeating yourself, or wonder if God really hears you and your words just bounce off the ceiling? Does this feeling ever make you wonder if God is even there, if he even exists?

What you may be experiencing is something called, “Prayer Fatigue.” You’re tied, feel drained, disheartened, and you wonder if God will even pay attention. Yet, there are many times, especially in the Psalms, where the Psalmist wonders the same thing. They ask God when he will answer or move or if he even listens.

Today, I have some good news. You can beat your prayer fatigue with a simple exercise in scripture that will refocus your attention and address God in the most important ways and from your heart. At first, it may seem like a routine thing to do. But, with a little work in prayer you can find that your prayer fatigue will not only go away, you may find a new, fresh, meaningful way to pray. And it happens when you start praying according to Matthew 6. What do you find there? Here it is:

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever” (Matthew 6:9-13).

Sometimes when we pray we feel frustrated and don’t know what to say. We encourage ourselves with a phrase from the Apostle Paul who said, “[The] Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:26). We tell ourselves that it’s okay if we don’t know what to say because the Holy Spirit is praying on our behalf anyway. So, we stop trying so hard. But, I don’t think that this is what Paul meant to communicate when he penned those words. Certainly, God doesn’t want us to stop praying. Paul also said, “Pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17).

When the disciples asked Jesus how they should pray it was because they saw other teachers giving prayer instruction to their disciples.  Jesus gave them something short, but exceedingly profound. The Lord’s Prayer, as it has come to be known, was not only great instruction for the disciples, Jesus also used it himself in John 17. If you compared the two passages of scripture you will see in John 17 a model of Matthew 6. If Jesus used the Lord’s Prayer when he approached his father, how much more do we need it!

So, how do you pray the Lord’s Prayer beyond just repeating the words as they are written? Look at how the Lord’s Prayer can help you by using it as a guideline for all of your prayers. Consider this:

“Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your name.” Lord, I come to you because you are the one and only great God. Your name and identity is beyond all I can imagine. You are the creator of all things and your name deserves to be made known and spread the world over.

Think through how else God’s name can be praised in your life and is magnified in the things you see around you.

“Your kingdom come.” Lord, please make me effective in advancing your kingdom on earth. I want to be an example of what it means to believe in Jesus and help others come to know him and fall in love with him.

“Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” When you speak the angels obey you. Nothing can defeat your will. Help me to obey you. Please Lord, also help my family and friends who don’t know you to come to know you and obey you as well.

As you pray through each statement in the Lord’s Prayer, look for ways to related it to your life experience and relationships. Just as the Holy Spirit prays for you and with you when you struggle, so too, he will pray with you when you pray according to the outline in the Lord’s prayer. I use the Lord’s Prayer many times when approaching God. I know that he hears me when I pray according to his will and his words. When I started using the Lord’s Prayer it transformed my thinking and the way I approach God. The same can be true for you as well.

guywithabible.com

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Ask Roger

How Do I Deal with Tattoos from the Past?

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

 

I’ve had a very hurtful past. My wife abused me. She was angry and mean to the children. Of course, we’ve all had our share of physical and emotional problems. People usually think that the abuser is always a man. But that’s not true. I found out that there are others like me who’ve been hurt physically, mentally and emotionally by women. Our marriage is a shambles. Now we are struggling through an acrimonious divorce. Will I ever be able to muddle through the pains of my past and find a peaceful resolution?

 

Sincerely, Sam

 

 

Dear Sam,

 

One day I met a woman with a tattoo on her arm. She explained to me, “My former boyfriend did it—he was an abusive alcoholic.” Happily, she was now married to another man, but every day those marks on her skin reminded of the pain in her past.

 

We’ve all met people whose past is tattooed onto their souls. They’ve experienced abuse, immorality, addictions, loss or grief, broken relationships, or tragedy. Fortunately, there are God-given tools to burn away those ugly tattoos. They don’t have to remain with us forever.

 

How different our past would be if we could relive it! Louisa Tarkington expressed the wish of millions:

 

I wish there were some wonderful place called the “Land of Beginning Again,” where all our past mistakes and heartaches, and all of our poor selfish grief, could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door and never be put on again.

 

I wish it were as simple as tacking an old calendar on the wall, to bring back former years and erase the imprints left by hurts and mistakes of bygone days.

 

But there is a land of beginning again. Our past need not control our present or future.

 

Where Do Tattoos Come From? Start with Your Family

 

Once, I asked our church counselors to share the twelve most common problems they saw in our counseling center. Their lists were dominated by topics such as depression, grief, bitterness, anger, sexual abuse, demonic problems and guilt.

 

However, our counselors emphasized that many of these things were just symptoms. The root cause for many of our problems is that we grew up in dysfunctional families.

In other words, the atmosphere of our home has a significant impact on shaping our identity and behavior.

 

You are fortunate if you were raised in a healthy home!

 

The Bible never systematically lists what makes a good parent. Yet scattered here and there are indicators. Functional parents will:

 

Teach their children (Psalm 78:3-7, Proverbs 19:18);

 

Discipline their children (Psalm 78:3-7, Proverbs 19:18);

 

Love their children (Proverbs 13:24; Psalm 103:13);

 

Delight in their children (Provers 3:12);

 

Show mercy and grace to their children (Luke 6:36);

 

Give good gifts to the children (Matthew 7:11);

 

Comfort their children (Isaiah 66:13);

 

Our counselors also gathered characteristics of a healthy, functional family. They include: Security, Openness, Affection, Encouragement, Approval, Respect, Time Invested, Appreciation, Affirmation Love, Compassion, Attention, and Understanding.

 

If the characteristics of a healthy, functional family above are the opposite of your family experience as a child, you probably come from a dysfunctional family. H. Normal Wright created an excellent list of the characteristics of a dysfunctional family in his book, Always Daddy’s Girl.

 

  1. Abuse

 

Abuse can include inflicting physical hurt, causing emotional pain, sexual injury, or neglect. Abuse may be blatant, such as one family member striking or screaming at another. It can be subtle, as when one person ignores another.

 

  1. Perfectionism

 

A perfectionist parent conveys his or her standards and expectations through verbal rebukes, corrections, frowns, penetrating glances, smirks, etc., which continually imply, “You’re not good enough.” The parent leads by torture words like “ought” and “should” which elevate guilt and lower self-esteem.

 

  1. Rigidity

 

Dysfunctional families are characterized by unbending rules and strict lifestyles.

 

  1. Silence

 

Dysfunctional families operate by a gag rule: “Don’t share family secrets with anyone. Keep it in the family.” After all, what would people think if they knew we didn’t have it all together?

 

  1. Repression

 

You may have grown up in a family where emotions were controlled and repressed instead of identified and expressed. Family members are only allowed to express feelings which were considered appropriate instead of what they really feel. So, you spend life wearing a mask.

 

  1. Triangulation

 

In triangulation, one family member uses another family member as a go-between. Father tells his daughter, “Go see if your mother is still angry at me. Tell her I love her.” She complies with his request. But Mother retorts, “Tell your father to get lost!” How does Sally feel about getting caught in the middle? Perhaps she feels like a failure.  Perhaps she fears that her mother is angry at her ,when she is really angry at dad.

 

  1. Double Messages

 

A wife asks her husband if he loves her. “Of course, I do,” he says as he reads the newspaper. Then he spends four hours in front of the TV and goes straight to bed. His words say, “I love you,” but his actions say, “I don’t care about you at all.”

 

  1. Lack of fun

 

Dysfunctional families are typically unable to loosen up, let go, play, and have fun. Their mottos are: “Be serious”; “Work hard”; “Play is a waste of time.” When they do play, it usually ends up with someone getting hurt. Humor is used as much to hurt as to have fun.

 

  1. Martyrdom

 

Children are challenged: “Tough it out, son; big boys don’t cry”, “You aren’t hurt, Jane, so quit that whimpering and grow up!” Pain, suffering, or disappointment aren’t acknowledged. Instead, they are deliberately pushed aside.

 

  1. Entanglement

 

The members of a dysfunctional family are emotionally and relationally entangled in each other’s lives. Mom makes Dad’s problems her problems, Dad makes the kids’ problems his problems. If one family member is unhappy, the whole family is!

 

Of course, when we add drugs, alcohol, major sickness, overworking or divorce into the mix, hurtful tattoos increase exponentially.

 

How Do Tattoos Form?

 

When you were born, your emotional cup was empty. You had a lot of needs which had to be met. If your family was healthy, most of your needs were met, and when you reached adulthood your cup was full or almost full.

 

But if your family was mostly dysfunctional, your cup may be rather empty. You entered life with needs which your family should have met but didn’t. The lower the level in your cup, the more difficult life will be.

 

As we study dysfunctional families, we are forced to redefine normalcy.

 

Was it normal to watch your father stumble up the porch steps into a screaming battle with your mother, which ended hours later only when he went to bed?

 

Was it normal to cringe in your bedroom praying dad wouldn’t stop at your room to pick a fight?

 

Is it normal for a father to divorce his wife and leave behind an eight-year-old whom he rarely visits and who thinks he left because of her?

 

Is normal for a ten-year-old regularly to get breakfast for his seven-year-old sister and then get her off to school because Mom is sleeping off a hangover?

 

Is it normal for a thirteen-year-old girl to be kept up most of the night by an angry tirade from her father who blames her for all the problems in the family?

 

Is it normal to come home from school not sure which man her mom will have in bed?

 

To many of us those things seem abnormal and aberrant. Yet, to some of us those things were absolutely normal.  You never knew that there was any other way to live. Finally, we can fight to redefine ourselves apart from our past.

 

Fortunately, God still provides healing for those who are suffering.

 

How Can We Remove Tattoos from the Past?

 

First, we need to deal with these ugly tattoos one by one, not all at once. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring up only those He wants us to deal with and when He wants us to address them.

 

  1. PRAY EARNESTLY.

 

Pray for the Holy Spirit to bring healing to your hurt; understanding of what’s happening; the grace to live victoriously; and, finally, ask for the Holy Spirit to heal the painful tattoos of your past.

 

  1. ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HURT.

 

Some resort to denial to avoid the pain and the reality.

 

When we bury something from the past, we don’t bury it dead.  We bury it alive. The ugly tattoos often surface later in all sorts of unpleasant ways, like depression, disillusionment, anger, bitterness or physical illness.

 

 

  1. SETTLE THE QUESTION: “WHERE WAS GOD WHEN THESE TATTOOS WERE BEING BURNED INTO MY SOUL?

 

If this question is not properly answered, we will struggle to engage with the Holy Spirit as we attempt to remove the tattoos. Unhealed tattoos can produce great anger against God.

 

We wonder:

 

“If God loved me, why did He let me get into this mess?”

 

“Why was my father an alcoholic?”

 

“Why do I have such a strong sex drive?”

 

“Why did He let my dad abuse me or my mother reject me?”

 

“God wasn’t there for me when I was a child; why should I think He will be there for me as an adult?”

 

“Why should I look to a God who failed me when I needed Him the most?”

 

How can such anger against God be dissolved?

 

First, do what David did in the Psalms. He simply told God how angry he was. It felt good to get off his chest. The emotional relief is refreshing.

 

When I’m really angry at God, I sometimes sit in the car and close the door where Julie can’t hear me. Then, I yell and holler angrily at God because of what’s going on that I don’t like.

 

Then, I read some of David’s “angry” Psalms to see how he got healed, and I follow his example. The anger fades.

 

Second, we must examine the tattoo carefully, there may be more involved in its presence than we realize. God may be using it to mature us to look like Jesus.

 

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:10-11)

 

All things work together for those that love God. For those God foerknew, he predestined to look just like Jesus.” (Romans 8:28-29)

 

  1. GET IN TOUCH WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR PAST TO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE LIKE YOU ARE.

 

The key word here is, “understand.”  You want to understand what happened and why.

 

Remember, “Children are the world’s best tape recorders. They are the world’s worst interpreters.” Now as an adult, we have much better tools to interpret and unravel our past.

 

Often, we are the way that we are because our parents were victims, too. Can you imagine that if your mom and/or dad didn’t receive any appreciation, encouragement, compassion, or comfort when they were growing up, that you might not receive any either?

 

After all, it’s hard to pass on something we never received!

 

  1. FIND SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO COMFORT.

 

Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:8)

 

Only deal with the past when you are in the presence of someone who will understand and comfort. Otherwise, you may well be hurt again, when you bring these things to mind. There are times when we alone can’t put our past behind us. We need the assistance of others.

 

Bear one another’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2)

 

  1. FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE HURT YOU.

 

First, forgiving does not mean that we let those who hurt us “off the hook.” They need to be held accountable for what they did. We may let them off our “hook,” but they are still on God’s “hook”! Remember the Lord says, “Vengeance is mine.” So, let Him do His work.

Second, forgiving is not a sign that we’re weak. Forgiveness is a courageous act that integrates the grace, kindness, and compassion of Christ.

Third, forgiving does not mean that we forget what they did to us. Whoever told us that we can “forgive and forget” was quite misguided. The pain of some things is so intense that we will never forget them. Nevertheless, by God’s grace, we can forgive even though we may never forget what they did to us.

Fourth, forgiving doesn’t mean that we restore the relationship with the one, or ones, who hurt us as if nothing ever happened. Something did happen. If the one who hurt us is repentant, we may choose to establish boundaries, giving the offender—over a period of time — the opportunity to regain our trust. We can restore the relationship someday if we want to or not restore it at all.

Fifth, forgive before deep bitterness and resentment become ingrained in your heart. The desire for vengeance is like aiming your pointer finger at your adversary like a gun barrel. Your thumb is the hammer, cocked and ready to fire. However, look at the other three fingers. They are pointed right back at you.

Sixth, it’s not possible to be at peace with all people (Romans 12:7). As Christians, we feel that we are required to fix every broken relationship and live in harmony with all of our brothers and sisters. Unfortunately, some relationships just will not work out. It is okay to leave them behind and go on with others.

Finally, you can know that you’ve forgiven them when you don’t want to hurt them anymore.

 

  1. FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION AHEAD THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD RATHER THAN STARING INTO THE REARVIEW MIRROR.

 

Forget those things which are behind and press on to what is ahead. (Philippians 3:12-14)

 

 

Well Sam, may God bring healing to your heart and grace to your soul.

 

Love, Roger

This article was co-authored with Brie Barrier Wetherbee

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Articles

Unsure of How to Act in a Counselor’s Lobby?

by Jon Acuff
written by Jon Acuff

I am like the poster child of getting counseling. Seriously, in the last few years I have been to four different counselors. I’ve done individual sessions, group sessions, marriage counseling, I’ve done it all. But I realize that for some Christians, the idea of going to a counselor is a little weird. Which is funny, because we’ll go to premarital counseling but then not go again until our lives are on fire or some horrible catastrophe. I’m not going to convince you to go see a counselor though. What I am going to do is give you the tips you need to have a successful counseling experience:

1. Prepare an answer to the question “what’s the nature of the visit?”

Sometimes, the admin will ask you some form of the question, “why are you coming?” I think that’s a horrible thing to do because basically someone has finally broken free of their fear to be real and honest about some pain and the admin is the last person they want to share their junk with. But it happens, and when it does go ahead and generalize your response. I told counselor #3’s admin that I was coming in to discuss “work issues and marital communication problems.” That was true, but it was definitely the G version my junk.

 

2. Don’t show up too early.

Your goal is to spend the least amount of time in the lobby of the counselor’s office. The longer, you wait, the longer you’ll have to do awkward head nods with other people that are leaving from other counseling sessions. And the magazine selection always sucks. I think this is on purpose because if they had great magazines you might get happy in the lobby and feel like you could cancel your appointment. So instead they offer “Golf Digest” from 1987 and “Saltwater Trout Fishing Digest.”

 

3. Read the magazines while you’re waiting.

Most counselors tend to run about 5-10 minutes late because the person before you is always a rambling narcissist. In many cases, that person might be me. My sincere apologies. But when you’re in the lobby, you want to stay busy to avoid the “I wonder what that person is in here for” game. Don’t stare at the other people and try to analyze what life crisis brought them to the lobby. Grab whatever magazine is nearby and read deeply, unless an addiction to salt water trout fishing is ruining your marriage. In that case don’t read the magazines.

 

4. Let’s not talk if we see each other at IKEA.

The other day while looking at Glokgs and Rnijyds for our living room at IKEA, I noticed a guy from one of the counseling groups I took part in. We didn’t know each other’s name but we definitely recognized each other. And I was sweaty for a hot minute until he gave me the quick, “Hey, I know you get counseling and so do I but let’s not chat” head nod. It was beautiful. It was fast. It was perfect.

 

5. Judge your counselor.

There are some whack counselors out there, so I recommend judging and analyzing them closely. For instance, there are a handful of books that if I see on the shelf in my counselor’s office that scare me. Like say, “Shock Therapy.” You don’t want your counselor to be a huge fan of shock therapy. Or a book titled, “Why the man is always wrong” or anything from the Every Man’s Battle series. And if the office is messy that’s not a good sign either. If he can’t put together his work environment how is he supposed to help put you back together. I find a beard to be a good sign. There’s something wise about a beard. Mutton chops however are not a good sign. The easy way to remember this is, “A beard is not weird, chops means stops.” See, that’s pretty handy.*

Those are just a few of the tips I recommend. I would love to hear yours.

And if you need a good counselor in Nashville, Atlanta or Birmingham let me know.

*Lady counselors are awesome too but for them, the beard rule is just the opposite. A beard on your lady counselor is not a great sign.

www.stuffchristianslike.net. Used by permission.

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Articles

5 Ways God Can Use Stress for Your Good

by Randy Alcorn
written by Randy Alcorn

How can God use stress in our lives to produce good. How can it conform us to the image of Christ. Randy Alcorn writes:

1. God uses stress to get our attention. God created our bodies. He designed them to send us messages. If I stick my hand in fire, my body will send me a message, quick and clear. If I ignore it, I’ll pay the price.

C.S. Lewis said “pain is God’s megaphone.” Some of us are hard of hearing. We ignore physical, mental, and spiritual warning signs. We’re like the stubborn mule the farmer had to hit over the head with a two-by-four to get his attention. God wants us to tune our ears to the messages He sends us through our minds and bodies.

2. God uses stress to help us redefine or rediscover our priorities. By abandoning our God-given priorities we set ourselves up to learn a hard lesson. In essence we do what the Israelites did: lived in paneled houses while God’s house became a ruin (Haggai 1:4). In response, God sent lack of fulfillment, disillusionment, and failure as His messengers. He withheld His blessing till His people rediscovered their priorities:

Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.”

This is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house [of God], so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored,” says the Lord. “You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the Lord Almighty. “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands” (Haggai 1:5-11).

God’s people are twice admonished “Give careful thought to your ways.” Stress should take us back to the basics. It is an opportunity to re-evaluate our priorities and bring them in line with God’s.

3. God uses stress to draw us to Himself. Time and again it was said of the people of Israel, “But in their distress they turned to the Lord, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them” (2 Chronicles 15:4). It was in Jonah’s darkest hour, in his most stressful circumstances that he said this: “In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me” (Jonah 2:2). The Psalms are full of references of turning to God, seeking Him and finding Him in times of intense stress.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears (Psalm 18:6).

In your distress you called and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud; I tested you at the waters of Meribah (Psalm 81:7).

I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me (Psalm 120:1).

When our lives are comfortable and stress-free, too often we withdraw from the Lord into our own worlds of spiritual independence and isolation. Smug and self-satisfied, we forget what life is really all about. But as the thirsty seek for water, those under stress often seek God. Many non-believers have come to Christ and many believers have returned to Him in times of stress.

4. God uses stress to discipline us. Quoting Solomon’s words to his son, the writer of Hebrews offers what he calls a word of encouragement:

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons (Hebrews 12:5-7).

(The word son, of course, is generic for “child,” and applies equally to daughters.)

To some of us, this doesn’t sound so encouraging. But we fail to realize how essential discipline is. Scripture says that to withhold discipline from a child is, in essence, child abuse: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24).

Discipline is corrective. It is remedial, not revengeful. God sends stresses not to get back at us for doing wrong, but to deepen our dependence on Him in order to do right. Though the stressful experience may seem excruciating at the time, it is ultimately all for good:

God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:10-11).

5. God uses stress to strengthen our faith. 1 Peter 1:7 tells us: “These [trials] have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

There is only one way a muscle grows—through stress. A muscle that is rarely exercised atrophies; it shrinks into uselessness. A muscle seldom stretched beyond its usual limits can only maintain itself. It cannot grow. To grow, a muscle must be taxed. Unusual demands must be placed upon it.

Stress is a demand placed upon our faith. Without it our faith will not, cannot, grow.

Ever seen grass grow through asphalt? It’s amazing if you think about it. How does grass, pressed flat and robbed of light, persevere? Yet we’ve seen it. Somehow God made those tiny blades of grass to rise to the greatest challenge. Nanci and I have seen many people rise against odds just as great.

In the crucible of stress, as we draw on our resources in Christ, He gives us faith and strength to crack through and rise above the asphalt coat. That hard demanding surface buries some forever, but is to others the defining point of breaking through and thriving by the grace of God.

For more, see Randy and Nanci’s book Help for Women Under Stress.

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Ask Roger

God’s 7 Ways to Conquer Pain

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

I have an inoperable brain tumor. The pain is increasing. I am on heavy pain medicines. It still hurts. I’ve read several articles on dealing with pain, done some study and used my coping mechanisms. They help a lot; however I would like your thoughts from a more spiritual setting to give me some peace. Can you help me? I’ve decided that the problem with pain is: that it hurts.

Sincerely, Chris

Dear Chris,

I am so sorry for your pain. I am sorry that the tumor is inoperable; and I grieve for you over your suffering.

I’ve had my share of pain. I have spent hours in the “devil’s grip” when my heart contracted so violently the strongest painkillers couldn’t dull the pain. I have ridden the “lightning” of a defibrillator at highest strength. I have been through multiple surgeries…I understand pain.

So, I’ll give you my thoughts about the things that matter most to me when I’m in pain. I’ve always found the book of James to be helpful in handling the subject.

FIRST, I REMIND MYSELF OF THE PURPOSE OF PAIN.

James reiterates the purpose of pain succinctly in James 1:1-4: “Count it all joy when you fall into all kinds of trials and troubles, knowing that the trying of our faith has a design.” God ultimately intends to mold us into the image of Jesus.

There is no growth apart from tension.

Spiritual maturity comes quite slowly when all is well. God knows that the best climate for making us just like Jesus is the crucible of fire and testing. After all, Hebrews 5:8 tells us that Jesus learned obedience through the things that He suffered. If His sufferings were instrumental in His maturity, why should we think it might be different for us?

“I walked a mile with Pleasure,

she chattered all the way,

But left me none the wiser,

for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with sorrow,

and ne’er a word said she;

But, oh, the things I learned from her

when Sorrow walked with me.”

SECOND, I TRY TO FIND SOME JOY.

Of course, no one can be happy for their pain. However, both James and Paul declare that we can experience joy, even when we are walking through our pain (read Philippians chapters 1-4).

“Count it all joy” is an incredibly unnatural reaction! However, finding joy is supernatural…it is a gift from God’s heart to you and me just when we need it most (James 1:2-3).

When difficulties come to an immature Christian, he or she evaluates the pain and often gets angry, or bitter, discouraged and they say something like, “I quit” or “I’ll never go to church again.”

On the other hand, the mature Christian says, “The last time I had difficulty, I faced it and grew. I’ll see what God can teach me now.” This is joy!

The fence has two sides. On God’s side the language is Praise! On the self-side the language is “Gripe and Complain.” One side is joy and the other is misery.

One of my favorite authors, Pastor A.W. Tozer, wrote, “Suffering breeds compassion or bitterness. We must choose.”

In the midst of pain, we have a decision to make. We must choose one side or the other. Unfortunately, too many Christians try to do both. Remember, the only trouble with straddling the fence is that it always hurts in the middle! (James 1:5-8).

THIRD, I TRY TO REMIND MYSELF THAT THE WORLD IS FILLED WITH SUFFERING PEOPLE. I JUST HAPPEN TO BE ONE OF THEM.

Sometimes, we may feel like we are getting “picked on”, or that things aren’t fair, or that God doesn’t like us.

Think about this: In our immediate family we have three cancer survivors, heart and nervous system issues, countless surgeries, serious immune disorders and brain issues. Your family is probably the same.

God never promised that when we became Christians, all of our problems would be over. In fact, the Bible teaches just the opposite.

Pain, problems, and trials are not optional. They are essential. Pain and suffering are not an elective course that we can take or leave. They are required if we want to become more like Jesus.

FOURTH, I REMIND MYSELF THAT PAIN PRODUCES PATIENCE (JAMES 1:3-4).

We all want patience; but few of us want the process. The process for developing patience is fiery trials and troubles.

A student of Dr. Harry Ironside asked him to pray that he might have more patience.

Dr. Ironside began to pray, “Lord, send him troubles.”

The young student stopped Ironside in the middle of his prayer; “No! No! I didn’t say problems, I said patience.”

Ironside again begin to pray: “Lord, send this young man some problems.”

“No! No!” interrupted the young man. “I asked you to pray that I will have more patience.”

Ironside replied, “Don’t you understand. Problems and troubles are what produce patience.”

The Greek word for “patience” is “Hupomone”. This is the ability to bear great pain while turning them into glory.

We Christians are not without problems. Fortunately, we have the Problem Solver living within. Jesus can pour in the power and give us the grace to endure in the midst of our pain and suffering.

FIFTH, GOD PROMISED THAT IF I ASK FOR WISDOM AS TO WHY I AM EXPERIENCING A PARTICULAR PAIN, HE WILL TELL ME (JAMES 1:5-9).

James is saying, “Look, when we are in the midst of the troubles and we need wisdom as to how to handle it, ask God for wisdom and He will tell you what to do.”

I have a list of the questions I ask God when I am struggling with a pain.

  1. 1. Is this suffering designed to bring God glory?
  2. 2. Is this suffering the result of a sin I have committed?
  3. 3. Is this suffering to mature me to be more like Jesus?
  4. 4. Is this sickness the result of the fallen world in which we live?
  5. 5. Is this trial the result of some spiritual battle in the spirit realm?
  6. 6. Is this suffering the result of following Christ?
  7. 7. Is this suffering the result of doing good?
  8. 8. Is this suffering intended to keep me from future sin?
  9. 9 Is this suffering designed to increase my faith and dependence on God?

SIXTH, I TRY NOT TO WASTE MY EXPERIENCE.

How can we waste our experiences? We can run away from them. We can wallow in self-pity. We can get angry, bitter, depressed, or give up. We can waver back and forth trying to see whether or not we are committed to God and His plan, whatever it might entail.

Nothing ever says that we must understand what God’s purpose is in our lives. It simply sufficient to know that God has a purpose. That’s where we must rest our case. We are not smart enough to know all that He’s accomplishing. So it becomes a matter of trust.

SEVENTH, IT’S OKAY TO ENDURE SOME PAIN WHEN WE’RE HEADING FOR KING TERRITORY (JAMES 1:9-11).

Not until we come to the place where we can distinguish between the permanent and the perishability of things will our pain ever make sense.

I watched as the house of one our church members burned to the ground. He lost it all. Standing on the sidewalk, he cursed God, the fire department, the firemen, the fire, the neighbors for not getting a garden hose to help. Of course, he used language that I can’t repeat.

I watched his behavior, and I thought to myself, “What would I lose if that happened to my house?” If tomorrow I were to lose my personal possessions or my health, would I have anything left? The answer is, “Of course, I have something left. I have the treasures that I have laid up in heaven.”

When I was a boy, I played a lot of checkers. I considered myself to be the champion checker player of our neighborhood. However, one of the older children on our block was said to be best. I reasoned that was only because he hadn’t played me.

One day he challenged me to a game. Before he could say another word, I was seated at one side of board setting up checkers. He said, “You go first.” I thought, “Okay, I’ll set the pattern to the game.” We exchanged a few checkers.

Pretty soon he fed me a checker and said, “Jump me.” I jumped him. He fed me another checker, “Jump me.” I jumped him. Another. This was even easier than I thought.

To this day, I can still remember the smile on his face as he took a checker and went, plop, plop, plop, plop… “King me.”  King me! He knocked every checker I had off of the board with one turn!

No good checker player minds losing a few checkers when he or she is headed for King Territory.

Here’s the best advice and comfort I could possibly give to you: “Count it all joy when you fall into all kinds of trials and troubles, knowing that the trying of our faith is designed to mature us to look just like Jesus!”

Again, to you, Chris, I hope this is helpful. May God give you great grace for the days ahead as he molds us to be like Jesus.

Sincerely, Roger

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Why Evil and Tragedy Will Not Last Forever

by Max Lucado
written by Max Lucado

Mass shootings. Violence. Hate. Max Lucado writes,

“We seem to lurch from tragedy to tragedy, shooting to shooting, bombing to bombing. The kids didn’t deserve such a death. Their parents don’t deserve such grief. And we received an all too common reminder: life isn’t fair.

When did you learn those words? It’s not fair. What deed exposed you to the imbalanced scales of life? Did a car wreck leave you fatherless? Did friends forget you, a teacher ignore you, an adult abuse you? Have you ever prayed the psalmist’s prayer? “O Lord, how long will you look on?” (Psalm 35:17). When did you first ask the question of the prophet, “Why does the way of the wicked prosper?” (Jeremiah 12:1).

Why indeed? Why do drug peddlers get rich? Sex offenders get off? Charlatans get elected? Murderers get out? Cheaters get by? Scoundrels get in? Hypocrites get chosen?

How long will injustice flourish? God’s answer is direct: Not as long as we might think. Scripture reveals a somber promise: “For [God] has set a day when he will judge the world” (Acts 17:31).

He is not sitting idly by. He is not twiddling his thumbs. Every flip of the calendar brings us closer to the day in which God will judge all evil. A Judgment Day has been chosen. The hour is marked and moment reserved. Judgment is not a possibility, but a stark reality.

“Judgment Day” is an unpopular term. We dislike the image of a great hour of reckoning. Which is ironic. We disdain judgment but we value justice, yet the second is impossible without the first. One can’t have justice without judgment. For that reason, “we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad” (2 Corinthians 5:10).

Followers of Christ hold to this promise: Jesus will forever balance the scales of fairness. A day is coming, sooner than we might expect, in which we will see the devil pay for all the evil he has inflicted upon the world. Satan, and all who follow him, will hear the sentence: “Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels” (Matthew 25:41).

Justice will prevail.

This promise may not matter to you. For some people, life feels fair and just. If that describes you, count your blessings. There are others, however, who fight a daily battle with anger. They’ve been robbed; evil people have pilfered days they would have had with their loved ones, disease has sapped health from their body. They believe that justice must be served.

I’m one of these people. My brother was robbed. Alcoholism heisted the joy out of his life. For two-thirds of his fifty-seven years, he battled the bottle. It cost him his family, finances, and friends. He was not innocent, I get that. He bought the liquor and made the choices. Yet, I am convinced that Satan assigned a special goon squad to tempt him. When they found his weakness, they refused to let up. They took him to the mat and pounded the self-control out of him.

I’m ready to see Satan pay for his crimes against my brother. I am looking forward to that moment when I stand next to Dee, our bodies redeemed and souls secure. Together we will see the devil bound and chained and cast into a lake of fire. At that point we will begin to reclaim what the devil took.

“For [God] has set a day when he will judge the world” (Acts 17:31).

Let this covenant abate the anger you feel at the hurting world. Devastations have wounded every home. Just last week I met with a family whose six-year-old twins were sexually abused by a grandparent. Two nights ago, our neighbors were assaulted and robbed in their own home. One of our church members spent two years in prison for a crime he did not commit. The guilty party went free. He went to jail. It’s not right, it’s not just, it’s not fair that evil prospers. When you wonder if wickedness will go unpunished or injustices will go unaddressed, let this promise gratify your desire for justice. God will have the final word. “God is a just judge, and God is angry with the wicked every day” (Psalm 7:11).”

©MaxLucado

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Sex, Power and the Church: David and Bathsheba

by Jeff Elkins
written by Jeff Elkins

If you grew up in a conservative evangelical church like I did, it is possible there is a story from the Bible that was repeatedly used to teach you about sex – the story of David and Bathsheba in 2nd Samuel chapters 11 and 12. While our teachers’ intentions were good, the way the story was taught has planted seeds in our minds that have grown into weeds we must now deal with if we are to side with Jesus in the time of #MeToo and #TimesUp. In this short essay, I hope to give you a different understanding of David and Bathsheba, one that doesn’t just focus on sex, but also on power.

The Way I Learned the Story

David has outlasted his predecessor and been crowned king. He has defeated his enemies, he has returned the ark to Jerusalem, and he has constructed his place. He is at the peak of his power and his place in the history books as Israel’s greatest king was secure.

Then, on a Spring night, David took a stroll on the roof of his palace. While walking, he saw a beautiful woman bathing on a neighboring rooftop. He asked his servants to find out who the woman was. They told him it was Bathsheba, the wife of one of David’s soldiers. David sent a servant to get her, he had sex with her, and then he sent her home.

A little while later, Bathsheba sent the king a note that read, “I am pregnant.”

David’s first thought was to cover up that the baby was his. He brought Bathsheba’s husband home from war thinking the man would have sex with his wife while he was on leave, but out of loyalty to his troops who were still on the battlefield, Bathsheba’s husband wouldn’t sleep with her.

When David’s original plan failed, the king told his generals to arrange it so Bathsheba’s husband would die on the battlefield. After the husband was killed, David gave Bathsheba time to mourn before he married her.

This might have been the end of the story, one more political scandal cleaned before it damaged the throne if it had not been for God. In the story, God sent Nathan the prophet to speak to David. Nathan told David a story about two men, a rich man, and a poor man. The rich man had lots of sheep. The poor man had one sheep for which he cared a great deal. One night the rich man needed to feed a traveler. Not wanting to waste his own sheep, the rich man took the poor man’s sheep.

At the end of Nathan’s story, David was angry at the rich man and wanted justice for the poor man. With dramatic flair, Nathan explained to David that David was the rich man and Bathsheba’s husband was the poor man. Nathan then told David that his power would begin to fade because of the terrible thing he has done.

What I Learned in Church about Sex

Growing up in an Evangelical Southern Baptist church, I heard this story at least once a year. My Sunday school teachers and youth leaders pulled it out whenever it was time to talk about sex. It was used as a warning for boys on the dangers of sexual temptation. The central message was, “Have sex before marriage and bad things will happen, like a girl getting pregnant.”

I was told that David’s first mistake was being on the roof at midnight. If David had been in bed like he was supposed to be, this would have never happened.

David’s second mistake was looking for too long. My teachers explained that, Yes, there are beautiful women in the world, but don’t look at them. If you do, sexual temptation might overtake you.” Through this analysis of the story, my teachers gave the power to Bathsheba’s beauty. If lingered on, it would be more than any man could bear.

Above all else, it was important for young men to know that they should never investigate sexual temptation. That was David’s third mistake. He was tempted by Bathsheba’s powerful beauty and he then he dwelled on it. He did the Old Testament equivalent of Googling her. My teachers were clear, “Don’t Google sexual temptation.”

According to this line of teaching, David’s great failure was having sex with Bathsheba. All the other bad things that happened (trying to trick the husband, then killing him, then being lectured by Nathan) were born from the act of sex. If David just hadn’t of given in to his desires, everything would have been alright. It was implied (and sometimes openly stated) that if a man lingers in lustful thoughts, those thoughts will when and the man will fall into sin. The only way to escape such temptation was to run from it.

These teachings stuck with me for a long time. When I was in college, I remember walking through the mall with friends who had come from similar upbringings. As we walked by the Victoria Secret store, we’d talk loudly about how much we liked our shoes. The absurd exercise was a way to acknowledge to everyone around us that we were not going to be like David. We weren’t going to look at Bathsheba. We were going to look at our shoes because the beautiful women advertised in the windows of the store would not tempt us. We were aware that just one lingering glance at a poster could take us down a road that would end in an unwanted baby.

When I started in the ministry as a young adult, I was warned about meeting one-on-one with young women. If a meeting with a woman was necessary, it should not be done in public because people might think the meeting was romantic in nature and that would be bad. It should also not be done in private because then I wouldn’t have accountability for my behavior. I also should not ride to meetings in the same car with a woman, because that could lead to sexual temptation. Honestly, the only way meeting one-on-one with a woman would work is if I did it in my office, with the door open, and another guy was sitting outside just in case. Therefore, in the end, it was best just not to have one-on-one meetings with women unless another guy was around.

Consequences of that Teaching

Now in my forties with young boys of my own, I realize this line of teaching, although well intentioned, planted some bad seeds in my mind.

§  It taught me that David, and all men, were the victims in the story. David was being challenged by powerful temptation, the beauty of a woman, and he understandably failed to resist it. The teaching never went so far as to excuse him from responsibility, but it implied that giving in was the foregone conclusion if he remained exposed to the power of a beautiful woman.

§  It also taught me that Bathsheba and beautiful women like her were tools of temptation. Therefore, they were on the side of temptation. While they weren’t the problem, they weren’t helping. Their beauty was powerful and should be avoided unless appropriate romantic involvement was intended.

§  Finally, it taught me that the perspective that matters was David’s. This story was about him, and it was a tragedy. Poor David had fallen into temptation and lost things because of it. Just think of what an amazing king he might have continued to be if this hadn’t happened to him.

As women have begun to speak out about how they were assaulted, I feel the presence of these teachings in our cultural conversation.

When an allegation arises, we whisper about the women because we can’t help but ask Bathsheba, “Should you really have been bathing on the roof? Don’t you know how dangerous your beauty is for men?” We want to know the man’s side of the story, wondering where his moment of failure came; and after the second or third story is shared, we start asking if this whole thing has gone too far. We question allegations, asking for investigations into them, and then questioning the validity of the investigations when they do happen. We even mourn the loss of the assaulters when they are held accountable, saying things like, “Isn’t it sad that David never reached his full potential as the king because this happened to him.”

The Misuse of Power

Teachings like this version of David and Bathsheba have not served us well. I would, therefore, like to take a different look at the story. One that doesn’t place sex at the center, but focuses on the real issue – the issue we tend to ignore in conversations about sexual assault – power.

Let’s start with Bathsheba since she is the true victim of the story.

Notice that she is never the one taking action.

§  David looks at her.

§  David summons her.

§  David “lays” with her.

§  David tries to trick her husband.

§  David murders her husband.

§  David then marries her.

In contrast to David, she has no power in the narrative. At every turn, she is acted upon. This is not something she chose. This was forced upon her.

Also notice that, excluding a three-word note she writes, Bathsheba is silent in the story. In not giving her a voice, the storyteller is communicating to us that she could not speak. It is a stretch to say that she likely felt denying the king was impossible. He clearly had the power to kill her husband and end her life. She had no choice. Which is why this is not a story about an extra-marital affair. It is a story about sexual assault.

David had all the power. Bathsheba had no power. David abused his power to take what he wanted from Bathsheba.

Yet it is her life that is over. Because David stole her, she loses her home and her husband, and she is forced into a harem she didn’t ask to be a part of. Bathsheba’s life as she knows it ends because David took her.

To hammer this point home, let’s consider Nathan. The prophet speaks for God in the story. God and Nathan do not seem to think the problem is sex. They don’t lecture David about being in the wrong place or letting his eye linger on Bathsheba for too long. When Nathan arrives on the scene to speak to David, he tells a story about power. There was a rich man and a poor man. The rich man took the poor man’s things and this was the great injustice.

Notice also that Nathan does not lecture Bathsheba. He does not hold her accountable for tempting David. He does not criticize her for bathing on the roof. He does not tell her she should have covered up or been more careful. He does not have a story for her about sheep and power. In this story, Nathan sees Bathsheba as the innocent victim that she is. She is the poor man who did nothing wrong.

In Sunday School, we never got to the end of the story, and the end of the story is important.

Before leaving David, Nathan explains that because of David’s sin – his abuse of power over Bathsheba – the baby Bathsheba has given birth to will die.

And then the child gets sick.

And David refuses to eat, lying on the ground in mourning all day and night.

And after seven days, the child dies.

The conclusion of the story is that David is made to feel as powerless as Bathsheba was. Through his abuse of power, he is given a son, an heir, a symbol that his family name will go on; but then he is left to lay on the floor helpless and mourning as he watches that future die, just as Bathsheba had to watch as David destroyed her life.

It is clear to me now, as a grown man with sons, that while this story has sex in it, it is not about sex. It is about power. David had all of it, he used it to sexually assault Bathsheba, and the future she was building was destroyed because of it.

Where Should Christians Stand?

The biggest lesson for me (and the lesson I’m trying to teach my boys is) from the story of David and Bathsheba is about how Christ followers should respond when the story is repeated.

When the course of a person’s life is changed because someone with power abuses it to take what they want, where should the people of God be?

Nathan has two roles in this story.

First, he fearlessly holds power accountable.

David is king. He has armies of warriors at his disposal. He has proven himself to be a mighty warrior in battle. He has all the money, all the fame, all the resources of the kingdom.

Nathan only has his reputation and his integrity. He is the man who speaks for God.

Yet Nathan does not hesitate to look David in the eye and say, “You were wrong. You were wrong and you are going to pay for it.”

If we are going to call ourselves followers of God, we must not hesitate to speak truth to those in power. When they abuse their power (and they will because they always do), we must stand and say, “No. This behavior is unacceptable and it will be made right.”

Second, Nathan stands with the powerless.

After this story, Nathan disappears from the narrative. He doesn’t come back until David is an old man, on his deathbed. And when Nathan appears again, in the first chapter of 1st Kings, we see him standing next to Bathsheba. He encourages her to go to David and advocate for her second son, the son who was born after her life had been reset, Solomon. It is Nathan that orchestrates Bathsheba’s son Solomon becoming king. In the same way, when we see injustice happen, if we want to follow God we must also fight for the empowerment of the victims.

I tell my sons at every opportunity, “If you want to know where God is, find the people with the least amount of power, and go fight for them. You’ll find God there.”

The lesson the story of David and Bathsheba should teach us is not about sex. It’s about power. And if the church of America wants to call itself the people of God, if it wants to play the role of Nathan in the story, then it must fearlessly speak truth to power and stand alongside the victims, because that is where we will find God.

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How You Problem-Solve: McDonald’s vs. Chick-Fil-A!

by Jon Acuff
written by Jon Acuff

Jon Acuff is an insightful author and speaker who gets to the heart of a leadership issue with sharp wit and penetrating insight. Read his words, laugh and learn. (This article will also make you hungry…)

“What’s your fast food guilty pleasure?

Don’t say the Outback or the Olive Garden. Those aren’t fast food technically. Those are sit down restaurants. Those aren’t guilty pleasure. I’m talking about the place you go when you’re alone on a business trip. The place you only go through the drive thru. The place that serves food you eat in the car on a road trip.

For me, that’s Taco Bell. I just can’t quit the Bell.

I make terrible food choices there, ordering multiple items even though I know they’re all constructed from the same seven ingredients served from a squirt gun strong enough to deliver beans.

McDonald’s doesn’t feel that way. I’ll sit in a McDonald’s and not worry if anyone sees me. I don’t eat McRibs, because I’m not crazy, but I never feel shame about an egg McMuffin. Recently though, I saw something in their parking lot that surprised me.

I saw this sign in a location on the North Shore of Massachusetts.

 

Why was this interesting to me?

Because it’s a sign showing you where to park if you use the drive-thru.

Can we please agree that 50% of the words in “drive-thru” are “drive.”

The whole point of a drive-thru is that you don’t have to park. You don’t have to stop. You get to stay in your car, moving about your day. Sure, you could always park and go in, but you’re an on the go person. You’re making moves and getting stuff done. You’re too busy to go inside.

So then why does this sign even exist?

It started the way a lot of things start, McDonald’s identified a problem.

The drive-thru wasn’t working properly. Instead of receiving food at the second window, customers were told to pull over and park. Sometimes, there weren’t any close parking spots and they had to circle the building waiting for a Big Mac, like a hamburger shark. This is a breakdown in the system, but things don’t always go perfectly, especially at a fast food restaurant.

At this point, McDonald’s had two choices:

1. Fix the drive-thru so that people got their food faster.
2. Print up a parking sign.

One approach takes effort and practice and deliberate thought.

The other requires a printer who can do waterproof signs and access to a pole.

You will face problems in your job.

You will face problems in your business.

You will face problems in your life.

When you do, you will be offered two choices:

1. Fix it.
2. Patch the symptom.

The first is not always simple. I worked with Chick-fil-A and they faced this same obstacle. To deal with it, they built a life-sized drive thru and studied every inch of the experience. During busy times, you’ll see trained staff members taking orders outside the restaurant so that the car line doesn’t get that long. Car by car, the smiling employee walks down the lot to check on orders.

In Georgia, they had a small podium in the drive thru line that was staffed with an incredibly helpful team member. They kept the busy restaurant hopping and ensured fast service.

Have you ever seen a McDonald’s staff member outside with a clipboard making sure the ordering process is working smoothly?

The second approach is easier. Let’s not even pretend.

It’s easier to put a band aid on a big wound than it is to go to rehab. It’s easier to sweep a relationship under the rug than it is to repair it. It’s easier to move on than it is to stay and fight. It’s easier to buy a bigger pair of jeans than it is to eat kale, which tastes like wet sadness.

But when you do that, you miss the magic that happens when you’re brave.

You miss the magic of a long term fix to a real problem.

You miss the magic of what happens when you actually care.

You end up with a sign but the same amount of frustrated customers.

Problems we patch don’t get better, they just get bigger. That’s the real damage. When you ignore real problems, it sends a message through your entire team that shortcuts are OK. The easy way out is the best way. Difficult solutions are not to be explored. The customer doesn’t matter.

Don’t ignore the problem.

Fix the problem. Save the day. Screw the sign.

The drive-thru was meant for driving, not parking.”

P.S. Every Thursday, I write ideas like this for entrepreneur’s. If that’s you, don’t miss the next one. Sign up for the Entrepreneur’s List.  

Reprinted from www.jonacuff.me.  Read his fantastic book, Do Over.

 

 

 

 

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God and Gender: A Balanced View

by Jeff Jones
written by Jeff Jones

 

This study is a comprehensive look at a difficult topic. Please read the article in its entirety. Although this article is specifically about homosexuality, all iterations of LGBTQ+ issues can be applied in these Biblical principles.

Gender issues fill the news and the political arena. Battle lines are drawn. Where does the church stand when it comes to combining Biblical truth and compassion? Here are my thoughts:

  1.   God loves gay people, and godly people do too.
  2.   God designed sex to be expressed between a man and a woman in the context of marriage. Any other sexual expression is, therefore, outside of God’s design.a) Homosexuality is a sin, not the sin.
    b) Homosexual behavior is sinful, but a same-sex orientation is not.
    c) Any sinful act or lifestyle is ultimately destructive to us and offensive to God.
  3.  God will always give strength for believers to face any temptation and has power to transform lives.
  4.  The church is to be a community of fellow strugglers who authentically and truthfully journey together toward greater wholeness and healing.

“Homosexuality is certainly a hot topic, and one that stirs up lots of emotion. That was illustrated to me a few years ago by a fellow senior pastor of a large church on the West Coast. He related a faux paus during one of his sermons.

The pastor was teaching about sexuality, and he opened his sermon by telling a story from his childhood, when he first realized that boys and girls really are different from each other. The first line of his message was, “The first time I realized my own sexuality…” They have three services on Sunday, and in the first service, he messed up a little bit. He said, “The first time I realized my own homosexuality…” He then caught himself, and corrected it, actually started over. During the second service, he was concentrating really hard, and actually shared with that service his earlier mistake. Then, on the third service, he said, “The first time I realized my own homosexuality…” and then went, “Acchh! I keep doing that!” Then continued, without making the correction. In this particular church, especially, this was quite a statement to make. Nobody heard a word he was saying after that. They just sat there, with their mouths hanging open. After a while, his worship pastor interrupted him and said, “You know how you keep messing up that first line. This time you messed up, but you didn’t correct it.” He then did.

 

Although it was a funny story, this pastor shared that it actually caused him lots of problems. Not everyone had a sense of humor about it, and some of his detractors spread rumors that it must really be true—a Freudian slip. People left the church over that, which shows just how sensitive this particular issue is. People in culture may have a sense of humor about it, but often in church that’s not the case.

 

So I want to cut through any tension and simply take a look at what the Bible teaches about homosexuality and what the implications are for us as Christ-followers. If you are uptight right now, just relax…take a breath.

 

Before we do look at the Scriptures, I do want to say a few important things. First, I am not an expert on gender issues and sexual identity. I don’t pretend to be. So, I am not going to be giving my expert opinions about those things, because I don’t have any. I am simply going to attempt to stick with what the Bible clearly teaches and try to be very humble about issues the Bible doesn’t address, such as are people born gay or do they become gay due to various environmental influences after birth. You or I can have opinions about that, and various researchers have opinions about that, but the Bible doesn’t answer that question, so I’m going to be very open and humble about that one. I don’t know, and there are other issues surrounding the topic in that same category.

 

Secondly, this whole issue of sexual orientation and identity is far more complex than many people try to make it. In doing the research I’ve done, I realize that this is a very complex issue, and I’ve been impressed with some Christian thinkers who seem to understand that and really very frustrated with others who try to make this whole discussion simplistic. I don’t want to make that mistake, and I also want to avoid making blanket statements about anyone, stereotypes that are unfair. Some of what I’ve read make these blanket statements from highly questionable studies on homosexuality about all gay people being a certain way or having a certain agenda. I don’t like it when people make such blanket generalizations about groups I am part of, such as evangelical Christians, and I don’t want to do the same to any other group. When we are in a group, we know how much diversity and complexity there is. When we are outside a group, it’s easy to make stereotypes. Let’s not do that, and in any follow-up discussions let’s not let each other do that. Slander is a sin that is listed as one of the top seven God particularly hates.

 

The last disclaimer I’ll make before moving on is this: because this issue is very complex, I am not pretending that I’m going to answer every issue on this topic in one article. My words are a discussion starter, not ender. With all that said, let’s isolate what the Bible clearly teaches about homosexuality and gender issues.

 

1) God loves gay people, and godly people do too.

 

God is not homophobic. God loves gay people. Do I really have to list a bunch of Bible verses about God’s love for humanity? God doesn’t love labels. He loves people. Whether people are gay or straight, Asian or European, black, white, Hispanic, male or female—he loves people, as they are. One thing that unites everyone in this room, whoever you are, is that God loves you with a crazy, unconditional love.

 

If God loves that way, then godly people do too. Anyone who doesn’t is just not godly. We describe our churches as a “come as you are” churches, because that’s the church Jesus envisioned and how he lived his life. Jesus would not want to go to a church where gay people aren’t welcomed with open arms.

 

I’ve been very impressed with gay people I’ve met here in our church who are so forgiving for the incredibly bad treatment that they’ve received all their lives, or at least after they came out, from people within churches. Often the church is the worst place to be. People who name the name of Christ are often the same ones saying horrible things or walking around with signs about how God hates gay people, how such people deserve hell. Often Christians act as if gay people are the enemy, and treat people that way.

 

Or even if it isn’t that blatant, we allow environments to exist where gay people are maligned or made fun of, where jokes and barbs are thrown around. And I’ll have to raise my hand on that one in my own past, where I have joined right into some of that. I used to laugh at gay jokes, until I became friends with several gay people, and then God convicted me of my sin toward them. After developing friendships with gay people, gay jokes were offensive, not funny. So, for those who are gay here today, and have been treated badly by people naming the name of Christ, I apologize. I can promise you that the God who grieved seeing how his Son was maligned and persecuted has also grieved seeing you maligned and persecuted.

 

Another pastor friend of mine in Grand Rapids did a great job of building an environment that welcomed those with any sexual orientation simply by doing a funeral. A family wanted a pastor in the area to do a funeral for their gay son who died with AIDS. Every pastor the funeral home called said no, until they got to my friend. He said, “I’d love to!” Just that one little display of love toward a group of people who have felt such hate from churches opened the door to reach hundreds of people for Christ. That’s the kind of environment Jesus wants to build, and any time we violate that we grieve the Holy Spirit who is at work in the church.

 

God designed sex to be expressed between a man and a woman in the context of marriage.  Any other sexual expression is, therefore, outside of God’s design.

 

To understand God’s design for human sexuality, let’s go all the way back to the beginning, to the book of Genesis, 2:18: The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

 

The Lord God made a woman, brought her to the man, v 24: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

 

We learn a lot about God’s design right in these few verses. First, God created sex, and therefore sex is a really good thing. Two, He created humans with gender, male and female, and the suitable complement for Adam was a woman. Third, sex was not only designed for man and woman but in this committed relationship called marriage, where man and woman enter into a covenant relationship.

 

So, God’s design for sex was to be between a man and a woman in the context of marriage, as man and woman enter into a covenant relationship. Any sexual expression outside of that design is sinful and ultimately, therefore, destructive. Homosexuality is one departure from that design, because God did not create sex or marriage to be a same sex relationship. Since homosexuality violates God’s blueprint for sexuality, it shouldn’t be too surprising that when the Bible speaks about homosexuality it describes it as a sinful departure from God’s will for us.

 

Leviticus 20:13 says: ‘”If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable…

 

The same word is used in that passage to describe adultery, or sex outside of the marriage relationship, by the way. Romans 1:18 and 26-27 says: The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness…Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

 

There is not one example where homosexuality is mentioned in the Bible where it is condoned. Because it is outside of God’s design, it is always described as sin. That said, we need to remember some important things about this.

 

Homosexuality is A sin, not THE sin.

 

Let’s keep reading in Romans 1, that just talked about homosexuality in Romans 1:28-32: Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

 

That’s quite a list of sins, homosexuality being one of them…but one of them. Christians often put homosexuality on a sin pedestal so high, that people who struggle with sexual identity issues or who want to work through things, can’t. Sins like arrogance, materialism, gossiping, slander, are fine for people to struggle with, but often homosexuality is not even okay to be a struggle. Galatians is another example where homosexuality is one of many sins listed to avoid, but one of many. We are all sinners, and all of us on this journey toward wholeness and healing in our lives need to be free to be honest about our struggles and create environments where that can happen.

 

Homosexual behavior is sinful, but a same-sex orientation is not.

 

Another extremely important thing to remember in this discussion is that homosexual activity is sinful, but not the orientation that direction. This does get to the most common objection to what the Bible says about homosexuality: “This is just how I am made. If I could choose to be different I would be, but this is who I am. It’s not fair, how could God condemn me for just living out who I am?” I do not doubt the reality that many people have a strong same sex orientation that is just as strong as my opposite-sex orientation. Whether we are born with that or environmental factors contribute to that orientation, or a combination of that, is up for debate. However a same-sex orientation develops, that orientation is no different than any other kind of orientation someone can have toward a particular behavior or lifestyle outside of God’s will.

 

We are all sinful people, and that means we all have strong orientations toward things outside of God’s will for us, whether that’s pride, a bad temper, slander, gossip, materialism, pornography, alcohol abuse, a gambling addiction. Every one of us in this room has life struggles with sin, strong magnetic pulls away from God and toward sin. Having an orientation toward something doesn’t make it legitimate. I have strong orientations towards certain sins that are temptations I have to fight and struggle with, and work through, and so do you. We are all born depraved, sinful people, and we will struggle with sinful tendencies and temptations. We can’t just say, “Well, that’s just the way I am. I can’t control my anger. I can’t help it!” We can win over temptation and tendencies.

 

Just because we have an orientation toward something doesn’t mean we have to translate orientation into activity. And orientation, or temptation, is not sinful. The activity is.

 

The Bible says that Jesus was tempted in every way that we are. He knew temptation, but he did not know sin. He felt that strong pull, but did not sin. If someone has a strong same-sex orientation and preference, that’s not sin. Acting it out is.

 

Any sinful act or lifestyle is ultimately destructive to us and offensive to God.

 

God isn’t being mean here. He laid out a way of life according to his will because he wants us to find joy and meaning and hope and righteousness. Ultimately, any sinful path is destructive in our lives, not constructive. Because of that, I would not be a loving pastor to act like homosexual activity is no big deal, because it is. It, like all sin, dishonors God and harms us and our relationship with God.

 

A number of years ago, I was talking with a pastor friend of mine at a week-long training I was one of the speakers for. He was a pastor of a very large church in LA that had just been on the cover of Newsweek for their incredible ministry to those affected by HIV/AIDS. We took a walk together to talk, and I asked him about his ministry and how a church like ours could better show love to that population. He began to talk of the overlap between that group and those who were gay, how much hurt and distrust there is in the gay community toward church in general. I asked, “How can we do a better job loving those who choose to live a gay lifestyle?” He then said, “Please don’t call it a choice. For some of us, that’s how God made us.” “Oh,” I said. “Oh…” It took me aback, because I didn’t expect that. But we were friends by then, and I said, “James, if we are going to grow in friendship, honesty and authenticity has to be at the heart of it. I want you to be honest where you are coming from, and for me to love you well, I need to be honest as well. I believe choosing to live out that lifestyle is a choice, even though a person may have a strong same-sex preference that they would not have chosen, and that there is a distinction there. I also believe that anyone who goes down any path outside of God’s will is going down a self-destructive path, and I don’t want that for anybody I love. So, I want you to be honest, and I want the freedom to be honest in return, and then we can be real friends.” He said, “You know, I accept that. I get that you want what is best for me, and we might disagree about what that is, but I don’t want you to do anything less than what you said.” It’s not loving to be dishonest, but we can love those we disagree with as well.

 

God will always give strength for believers to face any temptation and has power to transform lives.

 

1 Corinthians 10:13 says No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

 

Sexual temptation is perhaps the hardest to fight, but God’s promise is real. He will strengthen us so that we can win over any temptation, and always provide a way of escape.

 

When it comes to same-sex orientation, this does seem to be a very powerful tendency. Over time, can God transform that? Sure he can, and there are stories of that happening, as people pursue counseling and engage loving community, that God actually changes that whole tendency and preference.

 

But often that is not what happens, as with any other orientation away from God’s will. I love hearing stories about people who struggle with addiction for example, where God just takes the desire away. Those are cool stories, but they are the rare ones.

 

My own experience with sinful tendency and orientation is that he has not taken all my sinful tendencies away. What he has done is given me strength to face them, as I am honest with God, honest with other supportive friends, as I flee tempting situations, and then trust God to be faithful. It’s actually in that weakness that spiritual growth happens, as we learn what it means to rely on God, as we learn what it means for him to be our strength.

 

Friends of mine with a same-sex orientation tell me that this is a strong orientation; there is no flip of the switch to change it. If there was, they would flip the switch. Therefore, unless God changes that orientation over time, then what are Christians with a gay orientation left with as an option? A celibate life, which is a hard reality.  Celibacy is a tough road, and can feel like a curse, like it isn’t fair. How could anybody live that way?

 

But let’s take a fresh look at this hard reality, because the nature of God’s redemptive power is that the hardest realities become the most profound opportunities. Stick with me a few minutes on this, and let’s turn in our Bibles, or the ones in the seat backs, to 2 Corinthians 12, where we learn that the things we struggle with most, that we want God to remove the most, might be the very things we become most thankful for in the end.

 

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.


To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

Paul describes both outer struggles, persecution and the like, and this inner struggle he had which he describes as a thorn in the flesh, something that Satan used to torment him, a real struggle in his life. We don’t know if it was a sin struggle, an emotional struggle, or a physical struggle, because he doesn’t tell us. It could have been any of these. Three times he prays fervently for God to take it away, and each time God said no, and then a final word: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

 

This is a very profound reality for anyone who wants more than anything else to be godly. For anyone who wants more out of life than for it just to be easy.

 

Some of our struggles that we want so badly for God to remove, that we see as enemies to real life, may actually be the very things God will use to give us real life, real godliness, depth of maturity.

 

In Paul’s case, when he prayed for God to change him, to remove the struggle, God didn’t do that. And what Paul came to learn is that the struggle itself was the very thing God used to give him what he wanted most—real godliness. Struggles are not enjoyable, but the deeper the struggle the greater the opportunity for God to be strong in our weakness. When God allows a thorn in the flesh, when God allows a struggle, even as we pray for him to remove it, maybe the most gracious thing he can do is to not remove it, so that this profound growth can happen.

 

If you have been a Christ-follower for some time, chances are you have run into the writings of Henri Nouwen. Henri Nouwen was a brilliant man, a former Harvard professor, who later devoted his life to work with the mentally challenged. He is also arguably one of the godliest people of our generation and certainly one of its most profound writers on the Christian life. If you have never read a Henri Nouwen book, you really need to make that a goal for this year. If you do, it won’t be your last. What a lot of people don’t know, and what he wasn’t public about until the last years of his life, is that he was a gay man living a celibate life. His thorn in the flesh was a same-sex orientation that God never removed. Instead, God gave him the strength to live a celibate life, and in that struggle, incredible maturity and depth was born. That depth of understanding and intimacy with God does not come cheap. It only comes with struggle, allowing Christ to be strong in our weakness. Without weakness, there is no real growth.

 

Here’s where that takes me. For those of you who identify with Henri Nouwen with a same-sex orientation, that struggle may well be a gateway to a profound relationship with God and ability to impact others. In obedience, he chose a life of celibacy, because God never took that basic desire away. I believe that this particular struggle that we are talking about today, one of basic sexual identity, is one of the most difficult struggles a Christ-follower can face, but the deeper the struggle, the greater the opportunity.

 

I will never be a Henri Nouwen. I do struggle, and I am learning what it means for God to be present in that struggle and be strong in that weakness. But I don’t struggle at the same depth that he did, and that some of you have the opportunity to do. If you walk in obedience as he did, relying on Jesus for strength, you have the opportunity to be a Henri Nouwen in a way that I just don’t. And we need you to be. God’s redemptive powers are such that the best leaders, most profound writers and sages, will come from those who struggle with issues as profound as same-sex orientation that God might never remove.

 

In fact, that’s the only way such people can develop to be who they are. I’m not saying this is easy, but it is a profound opportunity.  You could get angry at God, or you could blow it off and live in disobedience, but what a missed opportunity!

 

The church is to be a community of fellow strugglers, who authentically and truthfully journey together toward greater wholeness and healing.

 

We are all just a group of fellow sinners and strugglers. We are all just a bunch of messed up people, on this journey together toward wholeness and healing and transformation. God accepts us as we are, and then he begins to transform us. All too often though churches become places that crucify honest strugglers rather than embracing them.

 

Chase Oaks must be a place where we can find real community, in life groups for example, where we can be honest and open about any struggle and find help and encouragement and healing and strength for the journey. Yes, it is a walk of obedience based in truth and holiness, but it must be one where we patiently help each other take each step and get back up when we fall.

 

This week, I received this email from a fellow church member, that puts a very personal face on this issue we are talking about:

 

Dear Mr. Jones, I wanted to thank you and the church for your Urban Legends series, especially the sermon about God not being homophobic. That truly means a lot to me. Ever since I have come to terms with my sexuality a couple of years ago, it has been hard going to church because I am wondering what people are thinking of me and if they are judging me. It happens to me every single day, but sometimes I feel it is the worst at church. It hurts knowing that you are a Christian but people don’t like you because your sexuality is different. Trust me, if it was up to me I would change my sexuality in a heartbeat. When I came out to my friends, I lost nearly all of them. I am grateful to still have my family though. Some people don’t even have that. In high school, before I came out, people were using vulgar slurs at me, shoving me against lockers, and even chanting death threats. It has gotten better since college, but it is still difficult. What is hard is that I can’t tell my younger sibling about my sexuality. I want to tell him, because he is starting to turn homophobic, saying that gay people are creepy and evil and deserve to go to hell. It hurts knowing that your own family is saying that about you…

 

He continues, but how do we love our brother well? Like all of us who struggle with whatever we struggle with, we point each other toward God, toward a righteous path, and we lovingly help each other take step after step. Henri Nouwen once wrote about such depth of friendship:

 

Henri Nouwen wrote these words:

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
– Henri Nouwen

 

For those with a same sex orientation, I admire you for sticking with me, but the truth is we all have some hard truth to hear on this message. But I do want you to hear something in conclusion. If that is your struggle, you are no different than any of us who also struggle with various other temptations and desires. Christ is working on all of us. You are surrounded by bad company here, a big collection of messed up people who are honestly seeking God.

 

Rather than shoving sin underneath the surface or just rationalizing a sinful path though, we are committed to bringing it out into the open and helping each other move toward healing and obedience and wholeness. God calls all of us to become something we aren’t naturally, which is like him. Whatever the nature of our struggle toward obedience, I hope you feel free to join fellow Christians in this journey.”

www.chaseoakschurch.org. Also view panel discussion: http://www.chaseoaks.org/2016/05/conversation-gender-dysphoria/

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Ask Roger

Unequally Yoked

by Roger Barrier
written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

Is the passage in Scripture that tells us not to be unequally yoked dealing with marriage, business or both? Thanks for clarifying.

Jeri

 

Dear Jen,

 

This direction given by Paul regarding this subject is wisdom for the ages. God is not trying to put a damper on whom we may or may not marry—or with whom we may or may not go into business! He just deals with the issue with common Christian sense.

 

Paul used a metaphor in 2 Corinthians 6:14 regarding harnessing oxen to pull a plow: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” Oxen were matched as closely as possible in order for them to pull together most powerfully. Large and little oxen don’t match up. Young and old don’t match up very well either—nor do healthy and sick ones.

 

Proper plowing required two-yoked oxen pulling together with the same gait and corresponding strength—so does building your house. You want your contractor to have only one set of plans. Imagine trying to build a house with more than one set of plans that don’t match up—disaster.

 

God has a Biblical-blue print laid out in the Bible for a successful marriage. Imagine that you and your spouse are working off of two different marriage blueprints—chaos!

 

The principles of Biblical economics clearly lay out God’s plan for building a successful business. As a Christian you want to build your business on sound Biblical principles. Can you imagine trying to be in business partnership with a Non-Christian who is working with an entirely different set of values, ethics and business blueprints!

 

So, yes Jeri, Paul’s command applies to both marriage and business and to any other situation which calls for Christians to “link up” permanently with a person or persons who have yet to surrender their lives to Christ.

 

Love,

Roger

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Articles

Porn-Proof: Train the Parents in Your Church

by Luke Gilkerson
written by Luke Gilkerson

Many church leaders are aware that pornography is a massive problem among Christians. According to some surveys, it is one of the most confessed sins and is deemed by church leaders nationally to be the most sexually damaging problem in their churches.

Porn use starts young: over half of boys and nearly a third of girls see porn before their teenage years. In these tender years when sexual beliefs are still forming, pornography serves as a powerful kind of sex education—the wrong kind of sex education.

Parents are the Key

Parents have always been and always will be the best defense. Not only do they have the ability to put up fences to protect against exposure to porn, but they are the ones responsible for teaching their children about authentic and godly sexuality.

Find good training tools

Parents need good instruction about the prevalence of pornography, its impact on children, and how to counter the false messages of our over-sexualized culture.

Many church leaders are starting to use resources like UNFILTERED, a DVD workshop for parents. This workshop offers parents both a spiritual and psychological understanding of why pornography is so damaging, and gives them the rules and tools they can use in their homes to combat it.

Incorporate training into existing meetings

Many churches offer classes or groups for parents. Church often have Sunday School programs for different ages and stages of parenting. Churches that offer catechism or confirmation programs often will have a “parents’ track.” Many churches have small groups, formal and informal, of parents doing life together.

The best way to implement a curriculum like UNFILTERED is to simply integrate it into these existing groups. Churches that try to host a special event—something that advertises itself as a “porn workshop” for parents—might be attended by some concerned parents, but probably won’t be widely attended. Instead of hosting a special event, choose to integrate this training into what parents already attend.

Help parents see the big goal

Ultimately, parents will not be the protectors of their children forever. Kids grow up and become young adults. The big goal parents should have when thinking of protecting their children from porn is preparing them to live in a world without fences, without filters, without guardrails.

The goal is to teach kids to become their own watchdogs, and this is the goal of UNFILTERED as well: to train parents to teach their children discernment and wisdom.

www.covenanteyes.com. Used by permission.

 

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Sermons

Ordinary Joe Part Three: Healing Through Pain

by Glenn Barteau
written by Glenn Barteau

The conclusion of Joseph’s story is a lesson about moving through pain and finding God’s peace. God knows what each of Joseph’s brothers need to face so they can grow and be all that God created them to be. Fate is what happens to you. Destiny is realizing God’s calling for you. You have the choice to let your challenges destroy you or grow you.

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Open old book, light from the sunset sky, heaven. Fantasy, imagination, education, religion concept.
Articles

Can Wisdom Be Taught?

by Dallas Willard
written by Dallas Willard

In Memory of Dr. Dallas Willard-May, 2013.

Let us understand “wisdom” in the following manner: a person has wisdom provided that (i) he understands the certain and the probable sources of frustration and joy in his self, in his relations to others, and in his relations to his non-human environment, and (ii) he habitually utilizes this understanding in selecting those routes of thought and behavior which maximize the fulfillment of his total system of needs and wants. This understanding of “wisdom” harmonizes with the discussions of wisdom in both Eastern and Western philosophy. It is agreed on all sides that wisdom involves the direction of life by relevant knowledge, and thus, that it incorporates both a theoretical and a practical element.

Pretty clearly, some degree of wisdom, as just described, is greatly to be desired — if not for one’s self, at least for others. Parents fervently wish it upon their offspring, and others, beyond the stage of such wishing, tender it to the world at large in various forms and manners. The following was found inscribed (dated 1692) on the wall of old Saint Paul’s Church in Baltimore, and is now sold on scrolls for the edification of all who have a dollar to buy it:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story …. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism…Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass … Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. . . . . .You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should… Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be; and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

The — rather pathetic — words of Polonius to his son Laertes, leaving “these few precepts in thy memory,” no doubt owe a part of their special pull to the pervasive parental predicament involved in “putting the young on their own.”

…Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion’d thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch’d, unfledg’d comrade.
Beware of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in,
Bear’t that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice:
Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy:
For the apparel oft proclaims the man; …
Neither a borrower nor a lender be:
For loan oft loses both itself and friend;
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all,— to thine own self be true;
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

(Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3)

Now I believe that these two samples of directives to wise behavior, in addition to containing a great deal of sound advice, also bring sharply before us — in the triteness, presumption and dubious generalization which they contain — the problems which many feel in the very idea of teaching wisdom. For surely, upon considering the matter, we all immediately realize the futility of spouting prescriptions of the above sort at people with the intent of bringing them to act with wisdom. Probably we realize it even when we engage in it. Moreover, most of us would feel a certain presumption in using exhortations of the above sort — especially in the relation of teacher to student, as it nowadays is structured. And yet all of this does not, alone, show that wisdom, in some important sense, cannot be taught. Exhortation is not the only, nor the most effective, way of teaching; and it may be that principles of the good life could be taught in a manner not necessitating presumption in the teacher.

However, if wisdom somehow is to be communicated, though not via exhortation, how is it to be done? And is the manner of its communication such that the task would reasonably fall to our schools and universities? Certainly many parents do expect their children to be wiser as a result of a university education; and many universities give indications that their work is at least somewhat oriented to the meeting of that expectation. I quote the following impressive paragraph from page eight of the 1970-71 Bulletin of the USC College of Letters, Arts, and Sciences:

The program as a whole is designed to give the student a better understanding not only of the basic skills — language as a factor in thought, emotion, and behavior; independent reflection and judgement based on the critical evaluation of facts and evidence; the methods of systematic inquiry and how they may vary with different fields; and the interrelation of the various fields of knowledge — but also, perhaps more importantly, of the meaning and significance of values and the criteria of evaluation; of moral, religious, and aesthetic experiences and the role they play in the life of an individual and a culture; of the goals of self realization, personal integration, maturity, creativity; and of the nature and meaning of freedom in a democratic society.

Similar intimations of the wisdom to be gained in the curriculum at USC are to be found on page forty-six of this Bulletin.

But if we look away from these expectations and promises to the actualities of life in the academies, we will find little reality corresponding to the hopes. I have asked a number of faculty members at USC for their views on just who, or what parts of our program, at USC is supposed to be responsible for fulfilling the promises quoted above from the Bulletin. So far, I have found no one with any clear idea of how the result promised in the Bulletin is to come about, nor of what the individual faculty member’s role is in the process. A large number of faculty members will frankly tell you that they will assume no role in procuring wisdom for their students. Their job is to teach classes in certain areas and to impress their professional peers. Clearly their view of the matter does not strongly clash with the views of university administrators who hire and reward them.

Nonetheless, it is this sort of unclarity and/or unwillingness in faculties which constitute the proximate cause of the present state of the universities — described so aptly by Hans Morgenthau as follows:

The universities have provided us with mastery over nature, but they have been unable to give it meaning and harness it to human purposes. They claim to be dedicated to the disinterested search for truth about man, society, and the universe. But they have transformed themselves, through the very dynamics of their undertakings, into gigantic and indispensable service stations for the powers-that-be, both public and private. They serve society but do not sit in judgment on it. The student who enters the university with those questions about man and the universe–(stated earlier: What does a man live for? What is his purpose in life? What is the meaning of death, which appears to wipe out that life as though it had never existed? What, in short, is the truth about the human condition?) — on his lips finds himself in the presence of an institution that, to paraphrase Tolstoy, is like a deaf man answering questions nobody has asked. The university pretends to be the mouthpiece of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But in actuality, in so far as what it presents as the truth is really true, it is largely irrelevant to what concerns man, young and old, and much of what it presents as truth is either not truth at all or truth only by accident, arrived at because it furnishes the powers-that-be with ideological rationalizations and justifications for the status quo.

(The N.Y. Review of Books, Sept. 24, 1970, p. 38)

It is not possible in this place to argue for the correctness of the above description of the current state of our institutions of higher education, nor, assuming its correctness, to analyze fully the more ultimate causative factors involved. Two such factors, however, should be mentioned here. The first is the dogma, uncritically accepted on almost all sides, that a person’s well-being is a strictly subjective matter about which there simply are no objective truths to be sought out or taught. Then, of course, one should not attempt to instruct or deal with students concerning their values, but only assume that their values will be what they will be, washed into and out of the students by the ebb and flow of their environment.

The second causative factor which I will mention is this: The culture of which the universities are a (largely) uncritical expression has a bed rock conviction that you cannot rely upon the truth to direct people nor upon people to take directions from the truth. You do not simply allow or aid the truth to be fully known, and then let events take their course. Things might not turn out ‘right.’ One must have recourse to what Erich Fromm has called “this specifically human ingenuity; the lie.” He continues:

Most of us are awakened, some more and some less brutally, to the fact that people often do not mean what they say or say the opposite of what they mean. And not only ‘people,’ but the very people we trusted most –our parents, teachers, and leaders.

(The Revolution of Hope, p. 21)

Now I do not say that our American culture is worse in this respect than others, but only that it is very bad. It also engages in a great deal of hypocrisy on this point. But, in any case, I think that one reason why the university experience is so irrelevant to wisdom in life is that refusing to deal with the issues of wisdom in contemporary life is a sure way of staying out of trouble with the culture which supports the university. To deal honestly and thoroughly with wisdom in contemporary life would inevitably turn out to be subversive of the world order in which we live– or at least to some important parts of it. And no doubt there would be danger of some running distracted down the blind alley of so-called ‘revolution.’ So, given that our social order does not and cannot rely upon truth to direct human affairs, there is nothing left to rely upon except pressure (including brute force), ‘treatment,’ and exhortion. It is right for academics to conclude that these are not in their line of work, and to suppose it not their responsibility to deal in wisdom, if the transferral of the commodity entails the use of such means.

But in the cornerstones of university buildings across our nation are carved the words: “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” “Free” was understood, in this context, to indicate, not political freedom or at least not primarily that, but rather the state in which one appreciably fulfills one’s vision of the good life: a state to which knowing what goes on in and around oneself is a necessary but not SUFFICIENT condition. Truth known was viewed as an armament of the spirit against the would-be tyrants in itself and in its natural and social surroundings. And indeed, although there are important senses in which wisdom and virtue cannot be taught, the university which set itself to trade in humanly important truths of all sorts — and not in certificates, images, prestige, and money alone — may contribute to its student becoming wiser if not wise. For it could search out and teach objective truths–established as obtaining for large classes of human beings, if not all concerning the sure sources of frustration and joy in the human self, in social relations, and in man’s relations to his natural environment. Surely this has always been some part of the university’s task. Only in recent decades has it been down-graded or omitted. But current events have forced the university to reflect and teach concerning the wise and unwise relations of man to his natural environment. And it may be that this re¬beginning of wisdom in one quarter will soon lead us to deal with the person himself, and with his social relations, from the viewpoint of the wise and the unwise.

It is perhaps time to say once again that, considered as educating or teaching institutions, colleges and universities should have as ultimate aim to help students understand what are the possible and what are the preferable arrangements of the relations and activities in which they must or may spend the rest of their lives. A humanely responsible program of higher education would lead the student into a vivid awareness of what can be done in his probable life circumstances by intelligent cultivation and deployment of the physical, sensate, conceptual, emotional, social and moral powers of the human being. It should, thus, teach the truth, including the truth about how to get at the truth. Its only ultimate task consciously undertaken should be intellectual. But that would not mean that the task must be humanly trivial, leaving the student as much of a fool as he was to begin with. It would answer theoretical questions which human beings ask for the sake of living wisely. Were the university today to undertake such a task, it would find millennia of human experience ready to yield testable hypotheses. There are even some wise people — in the sense stated above — still alive today.

Of course, many of us who are responsible for the course of university events do not feel ourselves to be especially wise, and, consequently, may not wish to be associated with the pursuit and communication of wisdom as I have portrayed it here. Many other barriers stand in the way of reforming the current university along the lines suggested. If such reform were attempted, much would have to be worked out in the attempt, and there is no reason to suppose that the entire faculty would have to be involved in the reform. But there are, on the other hand, faculty members in this and other universities who could and would take part in such a reform. Administrative officers should seek out such faculty members who do this work effectively, and they should assign specific and testable responsibility for the realization in students of the sort of wisdom which USC promises in its College Bulletin. Or else they should take those promises out of the Bulletin. Administrative leadership in this matter is absolutely indispensable.

It may be that this university and others will never reform along the lines indicated above. In any case, it is now being sensed and said by many, that until they can take their place in a life which on the whole makes good sense, our larger and smaller textbook truths taught in Human Triviality 101 at 10:00 MWF have a questionable or accidental value at best, or just no value at all. What will be the university’s response? Can it continue to scorn inquiry and discussion of those principles by which a person must live if he is to be accounted wise? Or can it show that there are no such principles? Or will society finally decide that the university really has, after all, nothing of vital interest to it?

Taken from Roundtable Magazine, 1971. USC Chaplain’s Office.

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Rejoice and Resist: Understanding Trouble

by Jim Cymbala
written by Jim Cymbala

God uses troubles to purify us and mature us spiritually. If we respond to His discipline, He teaches us to persevere in the faith. Satan tempts us in order to draw us away from God. It is not a sin to be tempted. It is a sin to succumb to temptation. We must avoid Satan’s condemnation and praise God in the midst of tempting situations.

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The Big Bad Bandit of Fear: The Joy-Stealer

by Max Lucado
written by Max Lucado

He was a professional thief. His name stirred fear as the desert wind stirs tumbleweeds. He terrorized the Wells Fargo stage line for thirteen years, roaring like a tornado in and out of the Sierra Nevadas, spooking the most rugged frontiersmen. In journals from San Francisco to New York, his name became synonymous with the danger of the frontier.

During his reign of terror between 1875 and 1883, he is credited with stealing the bags and the breath away from twenty-nine different stagecoach crews. And he did it all without firing a shot.

His weapon was his reputation. His ammunition was intimidation.

A hoop hid his face. No victim ever saw him. No artist ever sketched his features. No sheriff could ever track his trail. He never fired a shot or took a hostage.

He didn’t have to. His presence was enough to paralyze.

Black Bart. A hooded bandit armed with a deadly weapon.

He reminds me of another thief—one who’s still around. You know him. Oh you’ve never seen his face, either. You couldn’t describe his voice or sketch his profile. But when he’s near, you know it in a heartbeat.

If you’ve ever been in the hospital, you’ve felt the leathery brush of his hand against yours.

If you’ve ever sensed someone was following you, you’ve felt his cold breath down your neck.

If you’ve awakened late at night in a strange room, it was his husky whisper that stole your slumber.

You know him.

It was this thief who left your palms sweaty as you went for the job interview.

It was this con man who convinced you to swap your integrity for popularity.

And it was this scoundrel who whispered in your ear as you left the cemetery, “You may be next.”

He’s the Black Bart of the soul. He doesn’t want your money. He doesn’t want your diamonds. He won’t go after your car. He wants something far more precious. He wants your peace of mind—you joy.

His name?

Fear.

His task is to take your courage and leave you timid and trembling. His modus operandi is to manipulate you with the mysterious, to taunt you with the unknown. Fear of death, fear of failure, fear of God, fear of tomorrow—his arsenal is vast. His goal? To create cowardly, joyless souls.

He doesn’t want you to make the journey to the mountain. He figures if he can rattle you enough, you will take your eyes off the peaks and settle for a dull existence in the flatlands.

* * * * * * * *

A legend from India tells about a mouse who was terrified of cats until a magician agreed to transform him into a cat. That resolved his fear . . . until he met a dog, so the magician changed him into a dog. The mouse-turned-cat-turned-dog was content until he met a tiger—so, once again, the magician changed him into what he feared. But when the tiger came complaining that he had met a hunter, the magician refused to help. “I will make you into a mouse again, for though you have the body of a tiger, you still have the heart of a mouse.”

Sound familiar? How many people do you know who have built a formidable exterior, only to tremble inside with fear? We tackle our anxieties by taking on the appearance of a tiger. We face our fears with force. Military power, security systems, defense strategy—all reflect a conviction that muscle creates security.

Or if we don’t use force, we try other methods. We stockpile wealth. We seek security in things. We cultivate fame and see status.

But do these approaches work? Can power, possessions, or popularity really deliver us from our fears?

If power could, then Joseph Stalin should have been fearless. Instead, this infamous Russian premier was afraid to go to bed. He had seven different bedrooms. Each could be locked as tightly as a safe. In order to foil any would-be assassins, he slept in a different one each night. Five chauffeur-driven limousines transported him wherever he went, each with curtains closed so no one would know which contained Stalin. So deep-seated were his apprehensions that he employed a servant whose sole task was to monitor and protect his tea bags.

If possessions conquered fear, the late billionaire Howard Hughes would have been fearless. But you probably know his story. His distrust of people and his paranoia of germs led this billionaire to Mexico, where de died a lonely death as a cadaverous hermit with a belly-length beard and corkscrew fingernails.

What about popularity? Beatle John Lennon’s fame as a singer, songwriter, and pop icon made him a household word, but his fears brought him misery. His biographers describe him as a frightened man, unwilling to sleep with the lights off and afraid to touch anything because of its filth.

Though Stalin, Hughes, and Lennon are extreme cases, they are indicative ones. “Though you have the body of a tiger, you still have the heart of a mouse.”

Parallel their stories with the life of a little-known but gutsy young man named Paul Keating. On a cold night in February 1980, twenty-seven-year-old Keating was walking home in Manhattan’s Greenwich Village when he saw two armed muggers robbing a college student. Keating, a gentle, much-admired photographer for Time magazine, had every reason to avoid trouble. He didn’t know the student. No one knew he saw the crime. He was outnumbered. He had nothing to gain and much to lose by taking the risk, and yet he jumped on the muggers. The victim escaped and ran to a nearby deli to call for help. Moments later, two shots cracked the night, and the muggers fled. Paul Keating was found dead on the pavement.

The city of New York posthumously awarded him a medal of heroism. I think you’ll agree with the commentary offered by Mayor Edward Koch at the ceremony: “Nobody was watching Paul Keating on the street that night. Nobody made him step forward in the time of crisis. He did it because of who he was.”

Well put.

Courage is an outgrowth of who we are. Exterior supports may temporarily sustain, but only inward character creates courage.

And it is those inward convictions that Jesus is building in the Beatitudes. Remember, Matthew 5 is not a list of proverbs or a compilation of independent sayings, but rather a step-by-step description of how God rebuilds the believer’s heart.

The first step is to ask for help—to become “poor in spirit” and admit our need for a Savior.

The next step is sorrow: “Blessed are those who mourn . . .” Those who mourn are those who know they are wrong and say they are sorry. No excuses. No justification. Just tears.

The first two steps are admittance of inadequacy and repentance for pride. The next step is the one of renewal: “Blessed are the meek . . .” Realization of weakness leads to the source of strength—God. And renewal comes when we become meek—when we give our lives to God to be his tool.

The first two beatitudes pass us through the fire of purification; the third places us in the hands of the Master.

The result of this process? Courage: “. . . they shall inherit the earth.” No longer shall the earth and its fears dominate us, for we follow the one who dominates the earth.

* * * * * * * *

Could you use some courage? Are you backing down more than you are standing up? If so, let the Master lead you up the mountain again. Let him remind you why you should “fear not.” Listen to the time Jesus scattered the butterflies out of the stomachs of his nervous disciples and see if his words help you.5

We need to remember that the disciples were common men given a compelling task. Before they were the stained-glassed saints in the windows of cathedrals, they were somebody’s next-door-neighbors trying to make a living and raise a family. They weren’t cut from theological cloth or raised on supernatural milk. But they were an ounce more devoted than they were afraid and, as a result, did some extraordinary things.

They would have done nothing, however, had they not learned to face their fears. Jesus knew that. That is why he spoke his words of courage.

The disciples are being sent out on their own. For a limited time they will go into the cities and do what Jesus has done—but without Jesus. Jesus assembles them to give them the final instructions. Perhaps the disciples look nervous, for they have reason to be nervous. What Jesus tells them would raise the pulse rate of the stoutest heart.

First Jesus tells them not to take any extra money or extra clothing on their journey.

“No money?”

Then he assures them that they are being sent out “like sheep among wolves.”

“Uh, what do you mean, Jesus?”

His answer is not reassuring. He tells them they will be taken before the authorities, (uh-oh), flogged, (ouch), and arrested (groan).

And it gets worse before it gets better.

Jesus goes on the describe the impact their mission will have on people: “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.”

Some eyes duck. Some eyes widen. Someone swallows. Feet shift. A brow is wiped. And though no one says it, you know someone is thinking, “Is it too late to get out of this?”

That’s the setting for Jesus’ paragraph on courage. Three times in five verses he says, “Do not be afraid. Read the words and see his call and cause for courage. See the reason you should sleep well tonight:

“So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.”

On the surface, those words would seem like a reason for panic rather than a source of peace. Who of us would like to have our secret thoughts made public? Who would want our private sins published? Who would get excited over the idea that every wrong deed we’ve ever done will be announced to everyone?

You’re right, no one would. But we’re told over and over that such a thing will happen:

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.

You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts.

To think of the disclosure of my hidden heart conjures up emotions of shame, humiliation, and embarrassment in me. There are things I’ve done that I want no one to know. There are thoughts I’ve thought I would never want to be revealed. So why does Jesus point to the day of revelation as a reason for courage? How can I take strength in what should be a moment of anguish?

The answer is found in Romans 2:16. Let out a sigh of relief as you underline the last three words of the verse: “This will take place on the day when God will judge men’s secrets through Jesus Christ.”

Did you see it? Jesus is the screen through which God looks when he judges our sins. Now read another chorus of verses and focus on their promise:

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
[God] justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything.
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

If you are in Christ, these promises are not only a source of joy. They are also the foundations of true courage. You are guaranteed that your sins will be filtered through, hidden in, and screened out by the sacrifice of Jesus. When God looks at you, he doesn’t see you; he sees the One who surrounds you. That means that failure is not a concern for you. Your victory is secure. How could you not be courageous?

Picture it this way. Imagine that you are an ice skater in competition. You are in first place with one more round to go. If you perform well, the trophy is yours. You are nervous, anxious, and frightened.

Then, only minutes before your performance, your trainer rushes to you with the thrilling news: “You’ve already won! The judges tabulated the scores, and the person in second place can’t catch you. You are too far ahead.”

Upon hearing that news, how will you feel? Exhilarated!

And how will you skate? Timidly? Cautiously? Of course not. How about courageously and confidently? You bet you will. You will do your best because the prize is yours. You will skate like a champion because that is what you are! You will hear the applause of victory.

Hence, these words from Hebrews: “Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus . . . let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith.”

The point is clear: the truth will triumph. The Father of truth will win, and the followers of truth will be saved.

As a result, Jesus says, don’t be afraid: “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”

Earthly fears are no fears at all. All the mystery is revealed. The final destination is guaranteed. Answer the big question of eternity, and the little questions of life fall into perspective.

And by the way, remember Black Bart? As it turns out, he wasn’t anything to be afraid of, either. When the hood came off, there was nothing to fear. When the authorities finally tracked down the thief, they didn’t find a bloodthirsty bandit from Death Valley, they found a mild-mannered druggist from Decatur, Illinois. The man the papers pictured storming through the mountains on horseback was, in reality, so afraid of horses he rode to and from his robberies in a buggy. He was Charles E. Boles—the bandit who never once fired a shot, because he never once loaded his gun.

Any false hoods in your world?

 

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Forgiveness: The Brita Model or the Leaky Spigot Model?

by John Beeson
written by John Beeson

I would suggest that most of us have one of two models of forgiveness: a Brita model or a leaky spigot model. 

The Brita model is the American model, the self-forgiveness model.  The Brita model says that forgiveness of others begins with your forgiveness of yourself.  The reason I call it the Brita model is that with a Brita pitcher, the water is self-filtered before it can be poured out into a cup.  Have you ever accidentally tried to pour a glass before the water filters down to the bottom part?  I have.  And let me tell you a secret: it doesn’t work – the top falls off, and water spills everywhere.  The water has to be filtered before it can be dispensed.

The Brita model says that before we can dispense forgiveness we have to filter the forgiveness internally.  In fact, we only have forgiveness to dispense after we’ve filtered it internally.

John Berecz, a Christian psychologist, and the author of Beyond Shame and Pain: Forgiving Yourself and Others, says:

 “When Christ succinctly summarized scripture into a triangle of love for God, others, and ourselves (Matthew 22:37-29), I don’t think he was suggesting any kind of hierarchy – that first we ought to love God, secondly others, and lastly ourselves.  Although theologically speaking, God is certainly primary in this triangle, psychologically speaking we must first love ourselves if we are to genuinely forgive others.”

What does scripture have to say about self-forgiveness? Well, despite Dr. Berecz’s claim, it says nothing.  In fact, there are two serious issues with this understanding of forgiveness.  The first is that it minimizes our guilt.  When we sin, scripture tells us (Ps 51:4), our greatest offense is against God.  And no matter how well we get to the root of the sin in our repentance, we never fully appreciate how deeply we have grieved God, how seriously we have sinned against him.  Scripture tells us even our righteousness is like filthy rags (Is. 64:6), what then, must our sin be like?

The other issue with this is that self-forgiveness begins with the wrong premise: that is that we have the capacity to forgive ourselves.  But scripture only has two categories for forgiveness: our need of forgiveness from God, and our need of forgiveness from others.  In reality, when we talk about self-forgiveness we’re trying to replace that first forgiver (God) with ourselves.  But we are not the judge of ourselves, only God is.  And only God can grant us forgiveness.

The second model of forgiveness we’ll call the leaky spigot model.  In the leaky spigot model we know that forgiveness comes from God, but we think of that forgiveness as a scarce commodity.  It’s like we’re little children playing outside who are desperately thirsty but don’t know how to work the spigot, so we shove our mouths underneath the spigot trying to get a few drops to quench our thirst.  We know the water is there, but we think obtaining it is difficult and that its quantities are scarce.

And we have an even more difficult time allowing that forgiveness to translate into forgiveness of others or impact the way we forgive others.  We can barely get the water ourselves, and we never get enough for ourselves, much less can we cup our hands long enough under the leaky spigot to gather enough to give to others.

But scripture tells us this is not what the forgiveness of God is like at all.  True forgiveness comes from outside ourselves and is granted freely by God.  It isn’t cheap: God paid the ultimate price for that forgiveness, as 5:2 says, that price was paid by the death, by the sacrifice of God the Son, Jesus Christ.  1 Peter 3:18 says it this way, “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God.”  This is costly grace.  But it is also freely given grace.  The waters of forgiveness flow like a torrent to the contrite of heart.

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You Can Take It, But Can You Dish It Out?

by Mark Batterson
written by Mark Batterson

John 1 says that Jesus “was full of grace and truth.” Grace means, “I’m going to love you no matter what.” Truth means “I’m going to be honest with your no matter what.” Most of us tend toward one or the other. I would suggest grace with no truth has no backbone. Truth without grace is a relationship with no heart. One without the other is actually harmful. Jesus was the perfect combination of both. We need to be “grace givers” and “truth tellers.”

 

I think we are going to respect the “truth tellers” more at the end of our lives. They had the courage to say what we didn’t want to hear. They helped us to get past the blind spots in our lives. I think my prayer that our church would be a place where all experience both “grace” and “truth.” Grow into Christ-likeness. We hurt those we love by not saying something that might be hurtful. The relationship gets stuck and never grows beyond that.

 

So, how do we confront others that our relationship needs to go to another level?

 

  1. Don’t rebuke if you are not willing to be rebuked. Who likes to be rebuked? No one. We have fragile egos, but over the course of time, God gives me help in this area. The people who rebuke me are the people who are going to get me to the next level spiritually. I was praying in a chapel at college when someone touched my back and took a “kick me” sign off of my shoulders. I am not suggesting that you place a “kick me” sign on your back, but I want you to have a soft heart to being rebuked. How you handle criticism is key. What do you believe and what do you ignore? Erwin McManus said, “If the error of criticism does not pass through the filter of scripture, don’t let it pierce your heart. If it passes through the filter, then you can hear it and repent.” The moment we get past the point of receiving rebuke, we are in trouble. An intern on my staff rebuked me because he saw an area of my life where I was prideful. I remember how humbling it was. I was grateful for that. I had so much respect for this kid. I want to live and grow from exhortation and correction. If you are not ready to be rebuked, you are not in a place to rebuke others. James Houston said, “Mature individuals do not resent correction, for they identify more with their long-range selves that profit from correction than with the momentary self that is being advised.” What’s important is at the end of the day, I become teachable. Proverbs is filled with verses that encourage us to heed rebukes.
  1. Pray for someone before you rebuke him or her. If you’re not praying for them, your heart is not right. Rebuke without prayer is spiritual laziness. Prayer sets the context for you to speak into their lives. Jesus could confront Peter because he was praying for him. “Satan wants to sift you as wheat, but I have prayed for you…” What’s important here is we are focused on what we want to see changed in the other person. What I would suggest is to ask God “What would God want to change in my heart through this?” We were purchasing a coffee house and were having trouble with the zoning commission. Some neighbors were on the internet questioning our intentions and us. I was furious! Every time I got mad, I prayed for them. A couple of months later, I went to the hearing and saw those who opposed us. I was able to look my opponents in the eye, and greet them. One of those people is a regular customer at our coffee house. Thank God for this pressure valve called prayer. As I pray for others, I have a platform to speak into their lives.
  1.  Don’t talk about them, talk to them. Gossip is spiritual laziness. It’s a cop-out. Talking behind someone’s back instead of talking to someone’s face is wrong. Jesus didn’t express his frustration about Peter to John. “Can you believe Peter?” Jesus queried. Of course He wouldn’t do that. Talking to their face is the right thing to do. We have a motto with our staff that states “don’t internalize, verbalize.” It’s a good model for home, marriage and family, too. As an employer, I want to hear your issues. Come and talk to me. I want to hear them, not about them from someone else. Gossip never gets to the source of the problem for a solution. God has called us to a higher level of integrity than that. I don’t know whom you might need to rebuke, but here’s a clue. Before you confront them, you might confess your gossip to them.
  1. Don’t rebuke harshly. 1 Timothy states that we should treat older men like fathers, younger men like brothers. Proverbs 18:19 states that if we don’t rebuke someone in the right spirit, their defense mechanisms are going to go up, and the “fortified city” will place a “dividing wall” between you and them. The relationship is destroyed. Pray that God will give you discernment. I need to discern the spirit behind the rebuke. Sometimes it’s a terrible use of words, but I discern that the spirit of the person is right. I can accept that and process that. We need to be humble and gentle in the way we treat one another. If you rebuke harshly, not one is going to win here. Galatians 6:1 says that a person caught up in sin should be restored gently. But watch yourself because you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens. I want to carry some of the burden with you. How can I help you? This is the right spirit for criticism. In this way, we fulfill the Law of Christ. When we are with extended family at holiday seasons, we must solve unresolved issues with loving honesty. God can give us a “word of knowledge” or wisdom. The Spirit of God can reveal something to your heart and give you the ability to speak into some loved one’s life in an encouraging and affirming way to build them up. Before I have a meeting with folks, I try to pray that God will make it a time that counts.
  1. Don’t rebuke hastily. Don’t have a license to “run over” people. Can’t wait to go home, pick up your phone and “here we go.” No! Make sure you are not reacting. Parent can do this when they discipline their children. Speaking the truth in jealousy, frustration or anger is different than speaking the truth in love. Mark Twain was almost as famous for his temper as for his books. He eventually learned to control his temper by “sleeping on it.” He’d write a scathing letter to his critic. He would put the letter on his fireplace mantle for three or four days. At the end of the fourth day, he re-read the letter. If he was still angry, he figured his anger was justified and he mailed it. If it weren’t justified, he’d throw the letter into the fire. The 24-hour rule is a good idea. Don’t rebuke people in the moment. Let your timing be sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
  1. Tell them what they are doing right before you tell them what they are doing wrong. If you aren’t offering them encouragement, you are missing the boat. Jesus called Peter the Rock first before he gave him a rebuke. Give ten words of encouragement for every rebuke.
  1. Share your own faults before pointing out theirs. If you want a transparent relationship with people, then you put “your stuff” on the table. If you aren’t transparent, don’t expect others to be.

 

 

How many of you are stuck behind blind spots or facades? No one’s ever loved you enough to speak into that part of your life? I pray that we’d be Christians who have the courage to confess. Don’t let the Enemy win a victory over you because you are dying in that secret place.  I pray we’d have the courage to confront. We would have hearts open to correction, rebuke and exhortation and may we have the courage to speak that into other peoples’ lives. Revelation 3:19, Jesus says “those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” Max Lucado said, “Jesus loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way.” God is committed to who you can become in Him!

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