positive
They say that comparison is the thief of joy, and whoever “they” are, I agree with them.
If we are always measuring ourselves against our neighbors who are broadcasting their latest and greatest on Instagram or Facebook, how are we to be content with our own lives?
Everyone struggles with comparison, but I believe that perhaps the struggle is compounded for women. As women, we tend to be more emotional by nature, and it’s easy to let comparisons—however minor they may be—turn into shame. And friends, if comparison is the thief of joy, shame is the prison that locks it away.
Comparison is an extremely destructive thing. It leads to self-depreciation, self-rejection, and depression. When we believe the lies of comparison, that’s where shame steps in—the fear of being unworthy. Shame makes us feel small, unwanted, and unloved. And together, comparison and shame will keep us from living the full, happy lives we’re destined to live.
I don’t know about you, but I want to live a life full of joy. A life free of comparison and shame. But in order to live that life, I have to consciously fight back against the comparison trap each and every day.
Here are three ways I’ve learned to fight back against comparison:
1. Begin the day on a positive note.
The way I begin my day typically sets the tone for how I operate the rest of the day. Am I frazzled and stressed? Or am I grounded and at peace? For me, starting my day reading the Bible and in prayer—not work email or skimming social media—prepares my mind and my heart to combat comparison.
2. Value your uniqueness.
The tendency that most of us face is to devalue our own uniqueness, and instead attempt to become a carbon copy of those we admire. Instead of thinking “I wish I was more ____ “ or “If only I could ____ “, remind yourself about what makes you, you. What makes you unique. There’s only one you on this planet, only one person who can do every single thing you do—and that’s the way it’s supposed to be! When you catch yourself in the comparison trap, remind yourself of your strengths, talents, gifts, and abilities.
3. Limit the time spent on social media.
While social media certainly isn’t the cause of the comparison trap, it does seem to make us more susceptible to the trap! Social media is not real life, but rather a highlight reel that can make our minds run wild with comparisons. I suggest limiting the amount of time you spend online and instead filling your life with the good stuff—people and relationships.
The truth is, this is your one and only life and you should never squander it in the world of comparison. It is great to be stirred and inspired by one another, but not to compete and compare with each other. Let’s cheer each other on to live our best lives, valuing our uniqueness and differences.
www.propelwomen.org.
So what’s needed to have stronger faith, the faith of Paul? What’s needed is that tenacity. What’s needed is that spirit that says, hold on a second. I’m not going to just keep getting knocked down and getting back up. I’m going to start living on the offensive. I’ve been given authority. I’ve been given power. I’m not going to hide. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not going to cower.
So whether I live or die, all I want is Him to be glorified. Whether I have 10 more minutes or 20 more years, I just want to bring awareness to who Jesus is, and how great He is, and what He’s done for me. And when you see it that way, when you look at it that way, far from being taken out by your hardship, you, in your hard times, will discover that they are making you stronger.
Preached at Fresh Life Church. Used by permission.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8-9).
Have you ever tried to put this passage of scripture into practice? Have you ever tried to intentionally change your thoughts so that you think of these things, only to fail and have other thoughts come to mind? There’s an important reason for this. Paul is not just telling us to think about these things in general. The use of Paul’s language here is telling us to go deeper than to just think. We must dwell.
Look at Paul’s wording. Five times Paul uses the word, “Whatever.” It would have been easy for Paul to say it once then list the things he was encouraging. “Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable…etc.” But he didn’t do that. He listed each one as important. He wasn’t us to dwell on these things. And make no mistake. As human and as fallen as we are, dwelling on something positive can take some work. It’s our nature to dwell on the negative or the sinful. But dwelling on things that please God takes intentional, purposeful, hard work. Are you up for the challenge? You can start by memorizing this important passage.
Memory Verse
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8-9).
Application
Dwell. Take a few minutes, right now, to dwell through this list. For instance, for something true, take time to think about what you’ve learned today, or what a pastor or teacher shared. Think through it’s implications. Then move on to each thing in Paul’s list. Go through the list and watch how your thought life begins to change.
Paul teaches in Philippians 2 that God’s children are to be positive, not grumbling or doubting so that they shine like lights in the midst of a wicked, dark world. Christian’s faith and peace should be contagious. Paul doesn’t mind his suffering in jail if his spiritual children are ready for the return of Christ.
Preached at Cornerstone Church, Simi Valley. Used by permission.
Overflow with hope, the word overflow means to super-abound, to be filled to the brim, it would speak of a container that is filled where you can’t pick it up, you’ve got to lean over and take the first sip. This is our birthright as children of God and as followers of Christ. Hope is the belief that tomorrow is going to be better than today, and when you believe that and when you believe in eternity, then that has the power to revolutionize your life.
How can declining birth rates impact the unique Christian view of the family? This is a pressing issue, because we need to get a handle on this complex phenomenon. In Japan, in Western Europe, and in Russia, the birth-rate has fallen precipitously, to below replacement levels. If this does not change, the economic and cultural impact will be very great on those nations. Many have pointed out that interest in child-bearing is lowest in the most secular countries and sectors of society, while it is the highest in the most religious countries. Why is this? One explanation is that more educated people put off child-rearing until later in life and that means fewer children. However, educated religious people have more children than educated secular people, and therefore the socio-economic answer isn’t the most basic answer.
My European friends have two theories for why their secular neighbors have lost interest in the family. First, there is the sacrifice factor. For the last thirty years, sociologists have documented that secularism fosters individualism. A 2003 Ben Gurion University study found religious communes in Israel did better across the board than secular communes. (Cited in “Darwin’s God”, New York Times Magazine, March 4, 2007.) The reason? The members of secular communes simply were more selfish, particularly the men. Men who went to synagogue regularly were much more willing to sacrifice for the family and the community than men who did not. Despite the new financial incentives to have children that European governments are now offering, many people can’t imagine a happy life with the severe loss of independence that comes with parenthood. As the studies since Robert Bellah’s Habits of the Heart have shown, secularism teaches that every individual determines his or her own purpose in life—the autonomous self is sovereign. In this world-view, family life looks like the loss of personal meaning and happiness.
There is also the hope factor. My European friends tell me that their secular neighbors are much more pessimistic about the future. They (rightly) see oceans of injustice and poverty in the world surrounding islands of democracy and prosperity. They are keenly aware of the ecological and technological disasters that are possible, perhaps inevitable. Why bring children into such a bleak world? Religious persons, however, have a profound assurance that in the future is final justice, or paradise, or union with God in some form. They have an over-arching hope that makes them more optimistic about bearing and raising children.
At this point you might think I would simply say “Yay for religion, it is the friend of the family!” It is not that simple. While secularism in the west tends to make an idol out of the individual and his or her needs, traditional religion has often made an idol out of the family. According to theologian Stanley Hauerwas of Duke University, Christianity was the very first religion or world-view that held up single adulthood as a viable way of life. Jesus himself and St. Paul were single. “One…clear difference between Christianity and Judaism [and all other traditional religions] is the former’s entertainment of the idea of singleness as the paradigm way of life for its followers.” (Stanley Hauerwas, A Community of Character p.174)
Nearly all religions and cultures made an absolute value of the family and of the bearing of children. There was no honor without family honor, and there was no real lasting significance or “legacy” without leaving heirs. By contrast, the early church not only did not pressure women to marry but it institutionally supported poor widows so they were not forced to remarry as they were out in the culture at large.
Why? The Christian gospel and hope of the kingdom-future de-idolized marriage. “Singleness was legitimated, not because sex was questionable, but because the mission of the church is ‘between the times’ [the overlap of the ages]…We must remember that the ‘sacrifice’ made by singles was not [just in] ‘giving up sex’ but in giving up heirs. There could be no more radical act than that! This was a clear expression that one’s future is not guaranteed by the family but by the [kingdom of God and the] church…” ( Hauerwas, p.190). “[Now, in the overlap of the ages], both singleness and marriage are necessary symbolic institutions for the constitution of the church’s life… that witnesses to God’s kingdom. Neither can be valid without the other. If singleness is a symbol of the church’s confidence in God’s power to effect lives for the growth of the church, marriage and procreation is the symbol of the church’s understanding that the struggle will be long and arduous. For Christians do not place their hope in their children, but rather their children are a sign of their hope . . . that God has not abandoned this world.” (Hauerwas, p.191)
The gospel-based community practices a view of family that is contrary both to the cultural idols of secular and traditional societies. The gospel frees singles from the shame of being unmarried they find in conservative cultures. Their truest identity is in Christ and their assured future hope is the kingdom of God. Even bearing children, in the Christian view, is merely nurturing more lives for the family of God. That can be done in other ways than the biological. On the other hand, the gospel gives us the hope and strength for the sacrifices of marriage and parenthood that is lacking in liberal cultures. Christians grasp that they were only brought to life because of Jesus’ radical sacrifice of his independence and power. We know that children are only brought to life and self-sufficiency if their parents sacrifice much of their independence and power. In light of the cross, it is the least we can do.
The gospel is neither religion nor irreligion, it is something else altogether. Vital gospel Christianity’s influence on a society will produce neither a liberal and secular nor a traditional and conservative culture, but something we have seldom seen before.