Tag:

counselor

Help Someone Repent

by John MacArthur October 29, 2022

written by John MacArthur

“All Scripture is . . . profitable for . . . reproof” (2 Tim. 3:16).

People who aren’t interested in holy living will avoid being exposed to sound doctrine.

Paul instructed Timothy to “preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction” (2 Tim. 4:2). He knew a time was coming when many people would reject sound doctrine, and “wanting to have their ears tickled, [would] accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; and . . . turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths” (vv. 3-4).

That’s certainly true of our day. Many who profess to love Christ seem intolerant of His Word. Often they fall into spiritual complacency and surround themselves with teachers who tell them exactly what they want to hear. If they can’t find a comfortable message, they drift from church to church or simply abandon it altogether.

Such people have exchanged conviction for comfort, and need to examine themselves to see if they are genuine believers (2 Cor. 13:5). Their attitude toward the Word is in stark contrast to those who truly love Christ and come to the Word with an earnest desire to learn its truths and live accordingly.

But even true believers can fall into the trap of negligence and compromise. Perhaps you’ve noticed how sinning Christians often try to avoid exposure to God’s Word. Sometimes they’ll temporarily stop attending church or Bible studies. They also try to avoid other believers—especially those who will hold them accountable to what they know to be true.

But like any loving parent, God won’t allow His children to remain in sin for long without disciplining them (Heb. 12:5-11). Sooner or later they must repent and be reconciled to Him.

An important element in reconciling sinning Christians to God is the faithful prayers of other believers. God may choose to use you in that way, so always be ready to pray, and eager to restore others in a spirit of gentleness (Gal. 6:1).

Suggestions for Prayer

Do you know a Christian who is being disobedient to God’s Word? If so, ask God to bring him or her to repentance. Assure the person of your prayers and concern, and be available to be further used in the restoration process if the Lord wills.

For Further Study

What does Matthew 18:15-20 say about how to confront a sinning Christian?

www.gty.org.

October 29, 2022 0 comments

Hand of young supportive man consoling his friend or one of attendants with post traumatic syndrome caused by dramatic life event

Articles

Why Would I Seek Counseling?

by John Beeson July 23, 2022

written by John Beeson

I’ve missed more annual well-checks to the doctor than I’ve made. It seems like a waste of time to tell the doctor that I’m not experiencing any physical difficulties, have him check my blood pressure only to confirm it is within the healthy range, and then pay on my way out the door for what I already knew.

Most of us feel the same way about counseling. Why would I go to a counselor unless things are falling apart?

There is a grain of truth in this impulse. Under normal circumstances, we should have layers of relationships that support us. Ideally, we have a strong network of godly Christian friends with whom we are transparent and who tell us hard truths. Ideally, we have mentors and pastors in our lives who we can seek out and who will speak encouragement and exhortation to us. Unfortunately, few of us have both godly friends and mentors.

Even those who do would still be blessed to have a good counselor in their lives.

Noted psychologist John Gottman reports that couples wait an average of six years before seeking help from a counselor.[i] Six years!

Here’s the truth. First, I ought to go to my annual well-check, even if I don’t think I need to. Several friends who have had prostate cancer have urged me not to take those check-ups lightly. Second, there is no one who cannot improve their relational, emotional, and spiritual health. No one wouldn’t benefit from having a wise and godly man or woman ask them penetrating questions and press them to consider ways in which they could improve their mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

I asked three godly friends of mine who are in the field to answer two questions:

Why should someone who isn’t in crisis seek counseling?
What should someone look for in a counselor?

My three friends are my wife, Angel Beeson, a biblical counselor at Whole Hope Christian Counseling, Gary Smith, a soul care provider at Journey Companions Ministry, and Mark Nichols, a counselor at Mark Nichols Counseling.

Why should someone who isn’t in crisis seek counseling?

Angel Beeson: “’The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick. Who can understand it?’ (Jer 17:9). One doesn’t have to be in crisis mode to benefit from the gift of dissecting the heart and mind. We all have room to die to ourselves, put on humility, and be transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit. In counseling, we give the Spirit room to move in power in our hearts. In many ways, counseling when we aren’t in crisis is much more beneficial than counseling when we are in trouble. We are able to consider motivations, patterns, and strategies in ways that can help us see ourselves and God more clearly and experience his sanctifying work in our lives.”

Gary Smith: “Everything we do originates in our heart (Prov 4:23). There is ample evidence in Scripture of godly men being deceived by their heart. We see Abraham trying to preserve his own life rather than trusting God (Gen 12:11-13, 20:11-13). We see Moses, knowing God would use him to deliver Egypt, acted apart from God (Ex 2:11-12) (Acts 7:23-25). We have the account of Job, a righteous man, who still needed to repent after his encounter with God (Job 1:1, 8, 2:3) (42:5-6). It can be helpful to have another person help us see what is in our heart. ‘Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out’ (Prov 20:5). We all have blind spots. Others can often see what we cannot see in ourselves. Asking hard questions requires thinking more deeply about what is in our hearts. We all have sin in our hearts. God wants to shine His light on our sin. ‘If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness’ (1 John 1:8-9). Spiritual training and checkups can help us avoid a crisis in our life just as physical training and checkups can help us avoid a serious health issue. ‘Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come’ (1 Tim 4:8).”

Mark Nichols: “Significant changes in heart, behavior or thought rarely occur in crisis moments. Energy is diverted to management of the crisis, not change. Frequently, people will stop counseling once the crisis has subsided – the pain is diminished, calm restored, and there is a bit of breathing room so “things are OK, right?” Foundational concerns can be examined when the storm has passed, and conversations can occur with the information from the crisis. The disciples could hear Jesus after he calmed the storm. I encourage people to “begin the work” in order to prevent future disruptions and make lasting change, to learn how to be comfortable when it is uncomfortable, to avoid unhealthy behaviors/patterns/sin; and learn how to cultivate contentment and peace. This is the time to learn how to be congruent – insides and outsides matching – body and spirit.

What should someone look for as they consider what counselor to see?

Angel Beeson: “The counseling space must be a trusted space. Counselees must know the counselor is there for them. Look for a counselor who asks good questions with an intentional desire to know them well in a posture of love while able to guide in wisdom with discernment. One cannot speak into what they do not know. Look for a counselor who is willing to walk the journey alongside them, not afraid of the hard spaces, can speak hard truths in love, is reliant upon the Word of God, dependent on the Holy Spirit, and is able to maintain appropriate boundaries.”

Gary Smith: “Someone well versed in Scripture, well respected by others, and having the fruit of the Spirit. The character qualities of an elder provide a good basis (Titus 1:5-9) (1 Tim 3:2-7). Ask God to send someone to you. Agree to meet one time, then ask God if this is the one. You should be comfortable, yet uncomfortable; confident, yet willing to question your motives. Developing trust is essential which will allow you to tell the truth about yourself. Even though we all have similar issues, we are all unique individuals. There is no ‘One size fits all’ soul care provider. Find the one who will best help you see what is hidden in your heart.”

Mark Nichols: “Someone with a good reputation, credentials, experience, and someone who just doesn’t say the same things. Did the counselor hear you, give clear feedback and helpful strategies? Did they ask what you thought of the session – what is the take-away? Is the setting professional? Are boundaries clear and sustained? What are the assurances of confidentiality? Is there a plan or vision for the sessions? To seek someone who knows and follows Jesus is important because the Spirit, if sought, will guide the sessions, reveal what is important to heal from or to learn, and will bring lasting peace. Unnecessary clutter will not be introduced, worldly distractions will not be encouraged, and people should be redirected to what the Word says. Spiritual growth principals will be encouraged. Spiritual/church-hurts/wounds can begin to be healed. New understandings through new lenses can mend misconceptions, hypocrisies, and old abuses of power, control, legalism, and trauma.”

You may also appreciate:

Every Week My Dog Protects Us From the Amazon Delivery Driver: On the Danger of Learning the Wrong Lesson

[i] https://www.gottman.com/blog/timing-is-everything-when-it-comes-to-marriage-counseling/

July 23, 2022 0 comments

Articles

5 Questions to Ask When Contemplating Divorce

by Randy Carlson February 28, 2021

written by Randy Carlson

Five Questions to Ask when Thinking about Divorce

During the global pandemic we’ve endured the past year, 31% of those divorcing say the lockdown caused their divorce or certainly contributed to it. Statistically, divorces are up 34% percent compared to last year, before COVID-19 hit.

Divorce is a life-changing decision. You may be happily married, not thinking about divorce and believe this topic does not relate to you, but it does. I’ll share with you five questions people need to ask before they make a decision, in this case, divorce. God might use you to provide it as a helpful resource to pass along to someone you know who could greatly benefit from it.

Paul says in Galatians 6:7 that we are not to be deceived because God cannot be mocked. A man will reap what he sows. Paul’s words serve as a reminder that for every decision we make, there are consequences.

For those of you who might be thinking about divorce, before you do, please ask yourself these five questions. (In fact, with any major decision you’re going to make – about money, retirement, your health, changing jobs or any number of other important decisions, these same questions apply.)

1. What will this divorce cost me?

Every decision you make has a cost associated with it. When you think about the cost of divorce, consider the impact on your children, finances, peace of mind and direction in your life.

2. Is this the only and best decision?

In the case of divorce, it may be that the better decision would be to separate for a time. It may be to seek counseling for yourself, to take a break or to confront an issue. There may be other options available than simply divorcing. That’s not always the case, but when it is, you’ve got to ask that question and answer it.

3. Is this the right time to make this decision?

We’re still in a global pandemic, and it’s a very stressful time. It’s vital to be very careful about the decisions you make right now. I had a medical procedure not too long ago, and they gave me something to put me out for the procedure. The nurse said, “Remember, don’t make any important decisions today, because your thinking will be slightly altered.” She was right. That’s true during this pandemic, as well.We’ve all been slightly altered as a result of the fear, worry and anxiety.It’s constant in our lives more than you realize.

4. What are the unintended consequences of this decision?

Often when we decide, in this case about divorce, we can forget about the unintended consequences for our children, finances, health or even our future. We can become so focused on the immediate pain, and we consider almost anything to must make it go away.

Researchers report – even when couples are really struggling, if they’re willing to hang on, get counseling and they’re both committed to working on the marriage – the vast majority of them report years later the best decision they made was to hang in there and work on their marriage.

5. Will this decision violate God’s intention for my life?

We believe God’s intention is for a man and woman to be married for a lifetime, but that doesn’t always happen. It’s not a matter of shame; it’s reality. God is a God of forgiveness and restoration, and if you are in a second marriage, you know the pain associated with a marriage that hasn’t worked, and hopefully know the joy of the marriage you’re in. While God is a healer, and will restore, it’s also His intention to help us make our marriage work.

If you’re wrestling with the idea of getting out of your marriage, will you please ask yourself these five questions and prayerfully go to God with your answers?

February 28, 2021 0 comments

Articles

Why Losing Your Loved One Doesn’t Feel Real

by Russell Moore February 28, 2021

written by Russell Moore

I was awakened Sunday by a telephone call from a friend telling me news I never expected to hear: that my friend and former student had been killed, run over by an 18-wheeler while helping stranded motorists beside a highway. Before grief hit incredulity. I kept saying “What?” And in the hours since, I cry for a few minutes and then think, Wait? Did this really happen? It doesn’t seem real. I keep wondering, at least for a split second, whether I just misunderstood the news—that my friend is preparing, as he would any other Sunday morning, to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ, that all of this is just some sort of mistake.

That’s a common reaction, I know. Those of us who’ve had to tell people about the deaths of loved ones have had the same reaction: “It can’t be! There must be some mistake!” And all of us who have lost loved ones know that this sense of unreality persists. For months after my grandmother died, I would find myself dialing her telephone number. A widow I know told me that—even years after losing her husband—she still rolls over in the morning expecting to find him there, only to be hit by the sight of his empty pillow and the harsh reminder that he’s gone.

Why is this?

Death Shouldn’t Be Real

It seems to me that the loss of those we love doesn’t feel real, first of all, because it shouldn’t be. As much as we tell ourselves that death is just a part of life, that human beings are just part of the same cycle as that of the rest of the earth, it just doesn’t ring true to us, at least not in the moments when we encounter it with our psyches instead of our theories. Losing a person is more than just the ever-changing whirl of our environment. And loving a person seems to be something that should be permanent. A person seems to be more than just a type of a generic whole. Each person seems to be unique and irreplaceable—a story that may rhyme in the lives of others but can never be retold in the same way.

The loss of those we love doesn’t feel real, first of all, because it shouldn’t be.

Some would say that this is “denial,” a denial of what’s certain for every one of us, and that this refusal to face facts is an anesthetic to keep us from grappling with the inevitability of death. Is that partially the case? Yes. Does it tell the whole story? No.

Jesus grieved over the death of a friend (John 11:35). Death is an enemy—in fact, it’s the “last enemy” (1 Cor. 15:21). Death comes to us, Scripture tells us, “through Adam” (Rom. 5:12). Something in us knows, though, that exile from one another—exile from the Tree of Life—is not as it was “from the beginning.” Sometimes people will say to those grieving, “Don’t be sad they’re gone; be happy for the years you had together.” There’s something true about that, of course. We should see the lives of those we love as gift, and we should not take them for granted. But, even so, something about that sentiment is false.

The sense of unreality at the loss of one we loved prompts us to “groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Rom. 8:23). In this feeling of unreality we seem to recognize that this isn’t the way things were meant to be, that we’ve lost something—a communion with one another that cannot be broken because it’s centered around communion with God at the Tree of Life. But we’ve lost our way (Gen. 3:24).

Intuitions and Deeper Reality

There’s another reason the loss of loved ones seems unreal to us, and that’s because, in an important sense, it’s not real. I do not mean, of course, the heretical teaching that suffering and death are illusory. But we do confess, with all orthodox Christians through the centuries: “I believe in the communion of saints.” Referencing God’s identification as “the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob”—even long after their deaths—Jesus observed: “He is not the God of the dead, but of the living” (Mark 12:27). Jesus’s point here challenges our tendency to speak of those in Christ we’ve lost in the past tense. It’s not “I loved him” or “I loved her” but “I love . . .”

There’s another reason the loss of our loved ones seems unreal to us, and that’s because, in an important sense, it’s not real.

At the level of our deepest heart knowledge, feeling as though the death of a loved one in Christ is “not real” is not a denial of reality. It’s our intuition looking for a reality that’s deeper than what we can see or express. In the Four Quartets, T. S. Eliot famously wrote that humankind “cannot bear very much reality,” and that what we find are often momentary “hints and guesses” at a Reality just beyond our perception. The feeling that the death of a Christian we loved isn’t quite real points us to a Reality we were made to know—but that we cannot bear quite yet. It points us to a Reality where our loved one is, in fact, both living (more than we ever saw of life) and real (more real than our current shadowy existence).

One Day, Death Won’t Be Real

If you’ve lost someone, don’t let anyone tell you that you’ve lost sight of reality when you say, “It just doesn’t feel real to me yet.” Instead, let that remind you that one day it won’t be real, not real at all.

Maybe at that point of regathering in the light of glory we will ask ourselves—out of shocking joy, not shocking grief—Can this really be happening? Is this really real? Maybe we will then be told, by One who led us along with nail-pierced hands: “Oh, this is real—and it’s just the beginning.”

www.russellmoore.com. Re-printed from the Gospel Coalition.

February 28, 2021 0 comments

Articles

3 Keys to What We Are Processing Right Now

by Lysa TerKeurst May 4, 2020

written by Lysa TerKeurst

So much of what’s on the news today truly feels like something we’d only see in a Hollywood movie — not real life.

COVID-19 has not only spread across the world at record levels, but it’s also spread across our daily realities and changed so much for so many. Because of the life-threatening potential of the virus, social distancing and canceled gatherings are necessary precautions. We want to do what’s right, so we’re listening to officials and paying extra attention to updates and news conferences.

While all of this is necessary, it’s also jarring.

It’s like life just slammed on the brakes, and we’re all still reeling from the whiplash.

Certainly, in the grand scheme of things, saving lives is most important. But there are emotions we need to be able to process in the midst of all these sudden changes. One of those is the very real feeling of disappointment. And right behind it is the worry that expressing our disappointment could make us look petty in the midst of the seriousness of this virus.

Please know processing our disappointments is not only OK … it’s emotionally and spiritually necessary. You’re not making light of someone else’s serious pain when you process your pain to gain a better perspective.

So, first, whatever you’re going through today, it’s worth taking to the Lord and asking for His help. And second, let’s give each other grace since we are all trying to navigate unexpected fears, hardships and disappointments. Social distancing doesn’t mean we distance ourselves from offering each other grace.

With that as the anthem playing in the background … let’s process what we are facing.

Within the last few weeks, I had to help a friend navigate canceling her wedding. That same day, my husband had to close the dining room of his restaurant. Other friends are trying to figure out how to make enough money to live since they’ve been told their workplace had to close. Those of us who don’t get paid when we can’t go to work are looking at scary financial realities. Schools are closed. Graduations and family gatherings are canceled. Businesses large and small are experiencing financial realities that some fear they won’t be able to overcome. Everything we thought we would be doing in this season looks vastly different than we expected, and the feelings of loss are real.

So, what do we do with those? As Christians, how do we set our minds and hearts on things above when we are staring at startling realities?

Here are some things I wrote in my journal that are helping me:

1. Frame the disappointment by remembering what you do have, so you don’t get consumed by what’s been taken.

Many of you are having to cancel or postpone important life events right now and that’s very hard. It’s incredibly emotional when you’ve dreamed and planned and invested in what you thought would be a very normal expectation.

But remember, fun has not been canceled.

Love has not been canceled.

Being good to other people has not been canceled.

Learning and growing and maturing has not been canceled.

Use this time to reframe what matters most and choose to celebrate in creative ways.

I remember telling my daughters before their weddings: Expect the unexpected and realize you can’t control the uncontrollable. But you don’t have to spin out of control with the unexpected. You bring to your wedding day what you want for your marriage. You bring the love. You bring the beauty. You bring the fun. You bring the atmosphere of joy and peace. You bring lovely to your day, and it will be amazing.

But if you bring fear and dread and epic loads of disappointment because things look different than you thought they would, you’ll fill your day with that. Your heart is much too beautiful a place for the enemy’s tactics to taint it. So don’t let him.

This may be a delay. This may be a distraction. This may even be a devastation for a season. But this is not your final destination. Remember though COVID-19 has canceled many events, it has not canceled God’s goodness. Rest in that, rejoice in that, and be so very reassured.

2. Remember who God is, and use that to bring some gratitude into your disappointment.

God is a protector: He is protecting you from something you can’t see.

God is a provider: He is providing something if only you’ll look for it. Just because His provision is different doesn’t mean it’s not good.

God is present: Even when others are absent. God does incredible things in the unseen.

God is faithful: No matter what is being taken from you right now, place it in the hands of God. Give it to Him as your sacrifice. For whatever we willingly place in the hands of God, He will redeem. Martin Luther once said, “I have held many things in my hands and I have lost them all. But whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.”

3. Disappointments often go hand in hand with fear of the future.

It can be so easy to let today’s disappointments make you expect the absolute worst for tomorrow. I’m challenging myself not to mentally run too far into an unknown future. I just have to make the most responsible decisions I can for today and place the rest in God’s hands. My job is to obey God. God’s job is everything else. Therefore, I can feel afraid, but I don’t have to live afraid.

Now is the time to feed your faith and fuel your healthy perspectives. Make the choice today what will rule in your hearts and proclaim out loud: “Disillusioning disappointments and blinding fear, you don’t get to be the boss of me … I am ruled by the peace of Christ, and I will use His Truth to frame all I see.”

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15-16).

We know everything in life seems uncertain right now. In the midst of it all, we at Proverbs 31 Ministries want to offer you some free, practical ways to stay committed to studying God’s Word. Here are several resources we’ve put together to bring hope in uncertainty during these times.

* Download the introduction and first three chapters of my book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength when Disappointments Leave You Shattered, for FREE today.

* From Worry to Worship – a free 7-day devotional to help you find peace when you are tempted to panic, fight fear when it wages war on your heart, and practice trusting God in the midst of uncertain circumstances.

* Connecting God’s Heart to Yours: 31 Personalized Scriptures For Each Day free printable download!

www.lysaterkeurst.com. Used by permission.

May 4, 2020 0 comments

Ask Roger

Who is the Wisest Man I’ve Ever Met?

by Roger Barrier April 26, 2020

written by Roger Barrier

“Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” Proverbs 18:24. MSG

I hired Gary Shrader over the telephone. I was 26. Gary was 24, green and newly graduated from seminary.

Our fledgling church needed a youth pastor. I received Gary’s resume and was so impressed that I didn’t even bother to bring him out for an interview. I noticed on his resume that he was valedictorian of his high school class. I thought that anyone who was valedictorian would be a great hire. Several months later, I discovered that there were only 13 in his graduating class. Gary pulled up to the church with a tiny U-Haul trailer. I asked, “Where is the rest of your stuff?” “This is everything I own,” he replied.

Hiring Gary was the best decision I ever made.

He was a splendid youth pastor. He was also hilarious. I loved his rendition of “I’m a Little Teapot, Short and Stout.” Imagine Gary painting lipstick around his belly button and making it talk. He played foppish King George in the Christmas Pageant, the Young Messiah, and brought down the house. He dressed as Albert Einstein when he played the Bionic Baptist in a sketch promoting missions. Gary sat on the lap of our Education Pastor and played a ventriloquist’s dummy. Gary, the deadpan puppet, told so many jokes off the cuff that people were falling out of their chairs. No one at youth camp can ever forget the story about “Diarrhea: it runs in your jeans.”

Gary was the only one brave enough to accompany my wife Julie on youth mission trips. I tried to go once. I almost had a nervous breakdown. Julie was scatter-brained and was never afraid of anything. Gary was not afraid of Julie.

Gary was our only eligible bachelor. He was a catch. Young women lined up at the door of the church office hoping to curry Gary’s favor. Only one woman won the prize: Gary’s heart. Jan Wooten became his bride. Jan was a pastor’s kid. Gary had a formidable father-in-law. When Pastor Henry Wooten performed Gary and Jan’s marriage ceremony, Henry said, “Do you promise to love, honor and cherish this woman?” Gary replied, “Yes.” Henry snarled, “If you don’t, I’ll break your neck!”

Gary is one of the most spiritual men I’ve ever met. We were leading summer camp in the mountains of Northern Arizona. Gary and I got up early every morning to go to the chapel to pray. Long before there was ever a Prayer of Jabez book, I heard Gary praying the prayer of Jabez for himself. I heard him pray for God would expand his boundaries. God answered his prayer. He mentored young pastors and missionaries all over the globe.

He was loyal, honest and faithful. He was always forward thinking, adaptable, open to change. That’s why he succeeded in every pastoral position he assumed. Gary was a renaissance man. I once asked him, “How did you get so wise?” He admitted that driving a tractor on his Oklahoma farm gave him time to think. Perhaps we all need to spend time on the farm. Billy Graham did also!

My friend gave me the best advice I ever had. Once upon a time, we were facing a church split and I was deciding how to handle it. Gary appeared at my office door and said, “Roger, now is the time the average pastor does something stupid.” I kept my mouth shut as Gary advised, waited it out and God worked it out.

I remember when I was a 30-year-old pastor with PTSD, the church leadership recommended I take a sabbatical to recover. I assigned Gary the job of holding the church together until I returned. He did.

He gave his wise counsel in a number of different ways. He had the ability to sit quietly in a meeting, synthesize everything that was said, and then frame an answer that was directly from God and imminently practical.

For example one of our worship leaders committed adultery. I was traumatized. I wasn’t sure to make it public. Gary encouraged me to handle it up front with the congregation. I preached the Sunday service. I preached on what to do biblically when a church leader sins, and Steve, head of our counseling department, shared with our congregation how to heal their grief and disappointment. Speaking the truth in love allowed the couple to stay in our church for a time, and paved the way for an easy staff transition.

Gary was my go-to guy. Whenever the church had a problem, I asked Gary to fix it. We had a charismatic Sunday school teacher who convinced 100 people to follow him and make his own church. Instead of getting angry and vengeful, Gary said to pray a blessing over all of them. A year later, his church fell apart and most of our former members returned. It was our blessing that opened the door for their return.

He was quite versatile. During his career he was a youth pastor, a missions pastor, a church administrator and an executive pastor. Gary excelled at every post. He was the steady hand that kept our ship aright.

Gary consulted on every decision to hire church staff. I wanted his advice. He was an excellent judge of character. Gary helped me select hundreds of church personnel over the years. He helped me fire a few, too!

Gary and I were always passionate about growing the church. We made an attendance chart on the back of the bathroom door in my study. Every Monday we would look at the numbers and see if we were doing enough to reach people for Christ. We were chatting in my tiny bathroom one Monday afternoon and Elsie Robinson, my secretary, knocked on the bathroom door. She looked in the door, saw both of us crammed into the tiny bathroom, shook her head and left.

Gary called the 1980’s the “Camelot Years” at Casas. There was only one level of staff, we were all good friends, and the church was exploding. But we outgrew our old site.

It took twelve years to re-locate our church to a 100-acre plot five miles north of our church. We faced almost insurmountable obstacles. Gary stood beside me in every challenge we faced. He helped coordinate the sale of the old property and secured continuing income for the Casas ministries today. Gary orchestrated plans to get the church debt-free by the time I retired. And he did!

One thing that most impressed me was Gary’s vision to make our church a mission-minded church that spanned the globe. Casas gave millions of dollars to support world missions, and sent out hundreds of missionaries. I remember one summer we had over 500 people involved in long and short-term mission projects overseas.

Gary and Dwight Nelson travelled to India to do mission work. Gary asked for bottled water. He looked out his window and saw the waiter fill a plastic bottle with a water hose. Gary also ventured to Kenya and went off into the bush to take photos. Suddenly a nearby elephant trumpeted and began to charge. He escaped to his tent not knowing if he and his wife would be trampled underfoot. Finally the elephant lost interest and lumbered away.

When the Libyan Embassy became available in Pakistan, our church purchased the building. I assigned Gary to start a seminary for native pastors. We trained several hundred pastors over the next few years. It was all Gary. I never even went.

Gary coordinated our 40-year partnership with Pastor Roberto Morales in Mexico. He also coordinated short-term mission trips throughout the year with our sister church. Pastor Roberto expanded his ministry throughout Mexico and Peru. What a legacy!

Gary was a fabulous teacher but he hated to preach. He taught me what to do if ever I accidentally said a bad word in the pulpit. Gary was preaching on Jonah and used an illustration about a garbage scowl that confessed, “I wanted to be a beautiful ocean liner and all I ended up being is a stinking shi*.” He kept right on going. Everyone in the congregation said, “Did he really say that?” Gary never admitted it. I used his sage advice the next time that I bungled my words. I kept on going. I adopted his recommendation. “If you try to fix it, it will always be worse.”

Gary had a personal prophecy for me. He said that my ministry after 55 would be greater than before. I grieved having to retire early for health reasons, and Gary’s words rang true when we began our web ministry. Preach It, Teach It fulfilled my dreams to help pastors and missionaries around the world. I counsel pastors on every continent every day. Our site reaches millions. His words have always given me God’s perspective instead of my own.

He was a great encourager. When I was down, he had an open door to listen. The one thing I remember most was that Gary was always at my side. In every phase of my ministry, he never left.

When I suffered through so many health challenges, crises and criticisms, Gary said, “Roger, you are the toughest man I ever met.”

He was wrong. Gary was the toughest man. He fought a battle for his life. Inoperable brain cancer was his greatest challenge. He handled excruciating pain and relentless setbacks with grace. He even laughed in the face of adversity. Jan, his faith-filled wife, showed grace every day in his suffering.

I have never known anyone like him. I will always love him and admire him. He truly is the friend who sticks closer than a brother.

April 26, 2020 0 comments

Sermons

Burden-Bearing: True Spirituality

by Tommy Nelson August 6, 2019

written by Tommy Nelson

Paul teaches in Galatians 5:24 through 6:10 that true spirituality is manifested in a loving concern for others. The crucified life is a life of love and self-sacrifice. Help those beneath you. Honor those above you. Help those around you.

August 6, 2019 0 comments

Ask Roger

How the Bethlehem Principle Will Change Your Life

by Roger Barrier December 5, 2018

written by Roger Barrier

Dear Roger,

I’ve celebrated Christmas more than 70 times in my lifetime. Tell me something I probably haven’t heard about the Christmas story, something I can apply to my life.

Sincerely, Randy

Dear Randy,

One of the challenges facing pastors is how to be creative and do something special every year when Christmas rolls around. This problem reminds me of Solomon’s statement in Ecclesiastes: “There is nothing new under the sun. It has all happened before.”

One of my favorite Christmas lessons that you may not have heard is what I call the, “Bethlehem Principle.” I recently preached on the “Bethlehem Principle.” for the first time in my life. Maybe this will be something new for you.

According to the “Bethlehem Principle”, God can use the weakest things in our lives to be actually the strongest.

The “Bethlehem Principle” is my high school mentor whose ravaging brain cancer gave him just three months to live motioning me to draw near to his hospital bed and lean down close to his lips. “Roger,” he said, “ watch me, I want you to see how a Christian dies.”

By God’s grace, he was manifesting strength during weakness and glory for God.”

The “Bethlehem Principle.” applies in two ways.

First, God gives me grace to handle any weakness.

Second, God gets glory when I handle my weaknesses in a positive way.

The “Bethlehem Principle.” is found in Micah chapter five and Matthew chapter two.

It’s 600 BC and the Babylonians are decimating the southern provinces of Israel. Micah, a Minor Profit describes the scene in Micah 5:1: “Marshall your troops for a siege is laid against us. They will strike Israel’s ruler on the cheek with a rod.”

Israel was weak and defenseless. No hope. All was lost. King Jehoikim lost his head. Unless God sent a Savior, the Babylonians would kill, murder, steal, burn, kill babies, rape women, knock down the temple and enslave those who were still alive.

In the midst of this horror, Micah makes a startling, almost incomprehensible, promise. He declared that a Savior was coming out of one of the smallest cities in Israel: Bethlehem. But of course, no Savior arrived to defeat the Babylonians.

Micah 5:2: “But you, Bethlehem, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from old, from ancient times.”

Israel was destroyed because no Messiah arrived. However, like many Old Testament prophecies, Micah’s promise of the coming Messiah was an overarching prophecy spanning 600 BC to the birth of Christ.

Matthew picked up on the “Bethlehem Principle.”

Matthew 2:1-6: “When Herod heard about the newly born baby King, he was disturbed. He asked the Temple priests where the Messiah was to be born.”

They replied, “In Bethlehem, just like Micah said.”

FIRST, THE “BETHLEHEM PRINCIPLE” PROVIDES STRENGTH TO POWER US THROUGH THE WEAKEST OF OUR WEAKNESSES.

Of all the places for the Savior to come from, why in the world would God pick Jerusalem? Nobody who is anybody came from Bethlehem.

If Jesus were to come to Texas he would not come to Dallas. Dallas looks down on Fort Worth. Fort Worth looks down on Arlington. Arlington looks down on Waxahachie. Waxahachie looks down on Ennis. Ennis looks down on Gun Barrel City.

If Jesus were to come to Texas, he’d likely be born in Gun Barrel City.

The “Bethlehem Principle.” is the hope of Christmas. If the Messiah can come as a little baby from one of the weakest villages on earth, then he certainly can be down on my level to care for me.

The contemporary relevance for this aspect of the “Bethlehem Principle” for the Christmas season is 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

“But God said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ power can rest on me. That is why for Christ sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, for when I am weak then I am strong.”

In 2 Corinthians chapters 11-12, Paul details his sufferings for Jesus: imprisonments, beatings, near-by stoning, whippings by the Jews, beatings with metal rods by the Romans, shipwrecks, danger during frequent journeys, many sleepless nights, hunger and thirst, often without food, cold, malaria, epilepsy, and to top it all off, God gave him a tormenting thorn from Satan to keep him humble.

To one degree or another, we are all like Paul in our weaknesses.

How many of us have stepped on the gas but we have to admit that the power just isn’t in us. God didn’t equip us with eight cylinders, or was six, only – – those not too good.

I know people who’ve had expectations for normal, well-adjusted, happy lives; but, like beasts from ambush, an accident or sickness leapt out from nowhere and now they must work with crippled machinery.

Others dream of love and marriage and missed it.

Many are heartbroken dream about a marriage that might’ve been a thing of beauty, but was a tragedy instead.

Some children who were created as a blessing, became an inward agony.

In some households, the tie that binds has been ripped asunder.

Then comes the “Aha” moment when we understand that God promises to give us the same grace for our weaknesses that he poured into Paul during his weaknesses.

Grace is not some sweet, petite, graceful ballerina. The working hypothesis behind grace is awesome, unleashed power.

Grace is experienced as a deep-inner strength and peace that carries us through the most difficult of circumstances.

SECOND: GOD’S GRACE IS PUT ON DISPLAY AS WE POWER THROUGH OUR WEAKNESSES. GOD RECEIVES GREAT GLORY BY HOW WE HANDLE THOSE WEAKNESSES.

Paul sums up the second aspect of the “Bethlehem Principle” in 2 Corinthians 4:7-11:

“We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.”

Well Randy, perhaps you’ve heard of the “Bethlehem Principle” before. Maybe not. But if you have, hopefully it was good to hear it again from my perspective.

Love, Roger

December 5, 2018 0 comments

Articles

Wielding Manipulation and Control: Jezebel

by Tricia Scruggs August 23, 2010

written by Tricia Scruggs

No matter how you look at it, King Ahab’s marriage to Queen Jezebel was no match made in Heaven. When he chose her as his bride, he was seemingly entering into a pact with Satan. Warning! This account may conjure up memories of what could be power plays familiar to us, and this couple’s lack of yielding to the Holy Spirit might hit a little too close to home. Dare we have anything in common with a power wielding, control obsessed queen? Well, we might.

Has there been a time when you wanted a certain job, to join an organization, or get your child into a particular school, but it either was inconvenient, pricey or filled to capacity, so you decided to do something about it? Did you think for a minute about ways you could make it happen? Maybe you actually put in a phone call to someone with influence, wrote a letter, took a little cash from savings or some other financial commitment. Did you resolve to make it happen, to do something about it, no matter the cost?

This is the kind of thinking that permeated the leadership of the Israelites under Jezebel’s rule. When her husband gave up on getting what he wanted, Jezebel was just getting started. If she wanted something, she went to great lengths to get it. There are two clear examples of how she used her position of power to control circumstances. One I call “the vineyard incident” and the other “the confrontation after Mount Carmel.”

In 1 Kings 21:1-16, we see the makings of a daytime drama. Jezebel’s husband wanted a vineyard, but the landowner, Naboth, in obedience to God (vs. 3), refused to relinquish his property. Ahab gave up and sulked, but Jezebel chose to use her influence. She decided to do something about it.

First, she took control of her husband commanding “Is this how you act as king over Israel? Get up and eat! Cheer up. I’ll get you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite” (1 Kings 21:7). Rather than exhibiting an Ephesians 5 approach to “respect her husband,” she undermined him.

In the next few verses, Jezebel took control of the situation. “So she wrote letters in Ahab’s name, placed his seal on them, and sent them to the elders and nobles who lived in Naboth’s city with him.” In the letter, she wrote: “Proclaim a day of fasting and seat Naboth in a prominent place among the people. But, seat two scoundrels opposite him and have them testify that he has cursed both God and the king. Then take him out and stone him to death.”

Flipping back to 1 Kings 18, we see another attempt to wield control playing out after God’s prophet Elijah struck down false prophets who worshiped the same idols as Jezebel. At Mount Carmel, Elijah challenges the people and the false prophets of Baal and Asherah. In verse 25, “Elijah said to the prophets of Baal, “Choose one of the bulls and prepare it first, since there are so many of you. Call on the name of your god, but do not light the fire.” So they took the bull given them and prepared it. Then they called on the name of Baal from morning till noon. “O Baal, answer us!” they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they danced around the altar they had made.”

In verse 27, Elijah encouraged them to shout louder and mocked their fake lord saying, “Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.”

After hours passed and the people failed to produce their god, Elijah prepared the stage for the one and only true God. He repaired the broken altar and directed the people to fill jars with water and pour them onto the offering and wood. Three times, they filled jars and drenched the site.

Then, in verses 36 and 37, Elijah stepped forward and prayed “O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.”

This is a powerful prayer! Elijah is clearly yielded to the Lord. And, God answered in the very next verse, “Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stone and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.” My God is an awesome God! At this point, there is nothing left for the people to do except yield and proclaim: “The Lord – he is God! The Lord – he is God!” (vs. 39) They didn’t just recite the words, I believe in their heart of hearts they knew it was true.

Elijah then ordered the seizure and execution of prophets of Baal. Ahab heard of all that went on and told his wife what happened. The Bible says she responded by issuing a death threat: “So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.” 1 Kings 19:2

Whoa!

Of course, today, the vast majority of people will not use deadly force to get what they want. Often our attempts to fulfill our desires are very subtle and in some cases, could be classified as an acceptable level of persistence or healthy ambition. Yet, sometimes wielding control looks like yielding.

Engineers know that a “yield point” is that moment when material permanently changes form. The more we bend to the Holy Spirit, seeking to please the only Wise King, the more we change. The more we yield to God, the more empowered we become, recognizing that He alone has control. If we truly aspire to use our femininity for good and our leadership to advance God’s kingdom, we have to yield to His will, to His way, casting aside our own self-focused pursuits. Then, when we find ourselves faced with life’s challenges, we are able to yield more quickly to God’s will, allowing Him to display His ability.

Jezebel did not give way to the Lord. Could it be she was too busy trying to control those things and people she feared? It’s not uncommon for us to attempt to manage the very thing we believe may harm us, or relationships we believe we may lose, because we are afraid. Fear of losing a job may prompt a worker to spend excess hours at the office. Fear of losing our financial footing might lead us to hoard the very resources God entrusts to our stewardship. I believe Jezebel made unimaginable efforts to control circumstances and those around her because she simply was afraid of not being the one who called the shots. Fear can lead one to do some crazy stuff.

Over the years, more often than I care to admit, it wasn’t until I stopped trying to control my relationships and circumstances that God fulfilled my desires. Letting go of our need to be in charge is not a once-and-done kind of thing. We have to daily, minute-by-minute give things over to God and rest in the fact that He really is in control. Loosening the reins on our lives can be so freeing!

Let’s yield, pray and proclaim “The Lord – He is God! “The Lord – He is God!” 1 Kings 18:39

August 23, 2010 0 comments

Sermons

What Child is This?

by Andy McQuitty December 1, 2009

written by Andy McQuitty

The prophet Isaiah told Israel of a Messiah who was not only God, but He was their Prince of Peace and their Counselor. He walked in their shoes and was able to understand their deepest problems. We need a sympathetic Savior.

December 1, 2009 0 comments

counselor

Help Someone Repent

“All Scripture is . . . profitable for . . . reproof” (2 Tim. 3:16).

Why Would I Seek Counseling?

5 Questions to Ask When Contemplating Divorce

www.theintentionallife.com.

Why Losing Your Loved One Doesn’t Feel Real

Death Shouldn’t Be Real

Intuitions and Deeper Reality

One Day, Death Won’t Be Real

3 Keys to What We Are Processing Right Now

Who is the Wisest Man I’ve Ever Met?

Burden-Bearing: True Spirituality

How the Bethlehem Principle Will Change Your Life

Wielding Manipulation and Control: Jezebel

What Child is This?

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