How to Slow Down Your Anger

“He who is slow to anger has great understanding [and profits from his self-control],
But he who is quick-tempered exposes and exalts his foolishness [for all to see].”
Proverbs 14:29 (Amplified–AMP)

The first time I saw a husband and wife really fight I was in ninth grade. I was spending the night with a friend, and at some point during the day his parents started to argue. One thing led to another, and their voices began to raise. Their hands were in motion, and the air in the room was sucked out like a vortex tornado sweeping across the land. My stomach knotted up, there was a tight pinch in my throat, and I hoped with all my might that it would end as soon as possible.

On another occasion, as I was driving I looked over and saw a man violently swinging his arms while in his vehicle. He was obviously unsettled by another driver, and though his words were muted by the fact that his windows were rolled up, he nevertheless expressively promoted his disapproval with his actions. I shook my head and thought to myself, “I wish this guy could see himself…he looks like a fool.”

And then there was the time that I allowed my frustrations to get the best of me. It was early on in my parenting journey, and one of my daughters was clearly advancing her agenda over mine. I had had enough and I let her know it with my voice and slamming my fist on the table. In that moment–the flash of anger–I intuitively knew what the verse above points out.

It’s the same thing that everyone does–whether they know it or not.

Quick-tempers exalt (or display) foolishness.

When unfettered unrighteous anger begins, so too does the display of foolishness. There’s just no other way to put it.

What’s the way forward? How can we not display foolishness?

1. Self-control
   • The word for slow (as in slow to anger) in Proverbs 14:29 literally means to be long. The word is used 15x in the Old Testament Hebrew. Of the 15x it is used, 9x refers to God being “slow to anger” as it relates to His relationship with His people (Ex. 34:6, Num. 14:18, Joel 2:13, Jonah 4:2, Nah. 1:3, Ps. 86:15, Ps. 103:8, Ps. 145:8, Neh. 9:17). It is found in the very heart of our God.
   • A good way to think about this word–slow–is something like a plane landing on a runway. The longer the runway the easier for the plane to land.
   • Thus, (1) being slow to anger means I have a long runway with my emotions–planes of disruption and frustration and surprises and hurts have a long runway to land, and (2) I get this long runway through the strength of the Lord–Who, by His very nature, is slow to anger.
   • Practically, I have the greatest potential to exhibit daily self-control when I’m reading God’s Word and I’m praying. Simple, but not easy.
2. Understanding
   • This word is used 42x in the Old Testament, and it generally means to have skill. The idea is that one who has understanding demonstrates proficiency and connected knowledge in his actions.
   • It’s sort of like a clockmaker who has been making cuckoo clocks all his life. He has an understanding–that most do not have–as to how the proper mechanical internal design impacts the relationships between the chirp of the bird, the spinning of the Bavarian dancers, and the metal pine cone weights dropping with gravity. His understanding helps him not only design, but build beautiful, functional, and long-lasting clocks.
   • In the same way, one who has self-control–is slow to anger…doesn’t exalt folly–is like the cuckoo clock maker. In other words, he studies (as in seeks knowledge) the how to be slow to anger.
   • Practically speaking, he knows what are the hot-buttons, the flash-points, the triggers that spark his frustrations. Whether it’s proper planning to avoid traffic, taking a snack to eat, walking away to take some breaths before he speaks, memorizing passages such as listed above or others, etc. One who has understanding on self-control seeks to understand rather than to be understood.
3. Confession
   • The reality. Every human struggles at some level with lacking self-control that leads to the exalting of folly for all to see. So, we need to confess–agree–when we don’t have it. We need to reconcile when we do put folly on a billboard by our anger.
   • When we confess, many things are happening, but the logic of it needs to be addressed with three points:
     1. Confession means you have to humble yourself.
     2. God exalts the humble.
     3. Thus, confession leads to the proper and wisdom being exalted (instead of folly).

We press on…with self-control, understanding, and confession…letting God exalt that which is right and proper…the opposite of foolishness!