ASK ROGER and BRIE
Dear Roger and Brie,
I wake up all the time with my heart pounding and my mind racing in a thousand directions. It even feels hard to breathe. I’m afraid, and no matter what I try to do, I can’t win. Can you help me fight my fears?
Sincerely,
Alesha
Oh, Alesha, I know exactly where you’re coming from. This is Brie.
I’m a domestic violence survivor. I was shot in a drive-by at age 13. I fight a chronic illness every day that’s led to 15 surgeries, hospital stays, and regular 12-hour IV infusions with brutal side effects. I have significant evidence of psychiatric illness in my family tree, including a great-grandfather who committed suicide.
I’m sure you’ve suffered greatly, too. We all have.
Anxiety, terror, and panic are always around the corner, ready to knock me down. Sometimes my body and brain are just convinced that the world is falling apart, that I’m going to die early, that I’ll lose all my work, that something will happen to a loved one, and on and on it goes…
It’s way too easy to give in…to hide under the covers and cry. Or worse, to start really believing the lies my brain is yelling at me. The downward spiral is pulling me harder and harder.
But there is a way to survive. Notice that I didn’t say that there’s a way to beat it, to win, to overcome. We still live in a fallen world, and it will stay broken until God creates a new heaven and a new earth (check out Revelation 22).
However, you and I can survive the onslaught to fight another day.
I’ve carefully cultivated a “toolbox” for surviving anxiety that I’d like to share with you.
1. I take daily meds and work with a therapist. Thank God we live in a day and age where it’s possible to put a leash on the neurotransmitters that cascade through my brain and cause my body to hit “fight or flight” mode. Please, never be ashamed to work with a psychiatrist and counselor. It’s impossible to think your way through a brain chemistry issue…get help so you can fight anxiety on a level playing field.
2. Speak your fears and worries out loud. Tell God exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. He already knows…but simply acknowledging your anxiety verbally can help you figure out the difference between truth and lies. “Cast your cares on the Lord” (1 Peter 5:7).
3. Ask God to take away the anxiety, to help you know what’s true, and to fill your heart with His peace. He’ll answer. And you’ll know you’re not carrying all of the stress alone. “Put on your shoes of peace” (Ephesians 6:15).
4. “Just keep swimming.” Don’t let your mind run with future implications. Just put one foot in front of the other and walk. Not even one day at a time—one moment at a time. Sometimes trusting in God means doing what’s right there in front of you.
5. Lean on friends and family. Ask for help. You are not “fine” and that’s ok. Don’t try to be fine. God gave us each other for a reason—and people who love you want to DO something. Let them. You need it—and they do too. Think about how Paul told the churches to support one another. That’s practical—not just in prayer or thought.
“But even though my condition tempted you to reject me, you did not despise me or turn me away. No, you took me in and cared for me as though I were an angel from God or even Christ Jesus himself.” (Galatians 4:14)
6. Do something relaxing. I love yoga, swimming, reading a great book, or just playing fetch with the doggies. You’re NOT wasting time. Taking a break will help your brain and body reset, bringing you back to a place where you can actually function and be productive. “Be still. The Lord will fight for you” (Exodus 14:14).
7. Sing! It’s no accident that God calls us to sing hundreds of times in Scripture. It’s literally the only activity where we use both sides of our brain equally! I don’t care if you just make a joyful noise. Singing will slow your heart rate, force you to breathe deeply, and quiet your racing thoughts. “I will sing of your love, for you are my refuge in times of trouble” (Psalm 59:16).
I use every tool, every time. I’m not claiming that my anxiety disappears. I fall back in constantly. But this is how I survive.
Let me close with this. You NEVER, ever fight alone. In Deuteronomy 31:6, Moses tells the Israelites to “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Recently, I’ve been fighting hard against the autoimmune side effects that come with long-term, high-dose IV immunoglobulin treatment for my immune deficiency. They’re severe, ugly, progressive, painful, and scary. This month, I contracted aseptic meningitis (inflammation of the brain and spinal cord) because of some fairly routine infusions.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so frightened—my vision blurred, I was so dizzy I couldn’t walk, the migraine pain was off the charts, and I cried constantly because it pushed on the emotional center of my brain.
A week or so in, I just couldn’t cope. I crawled into my bed, covered my head, and wept those wrenching, soundless sobs. ”Help me, Father. Help me.” I could barely breathe a prayer.
At that moment, my phone rang. It was Dr. D, my immunologist of 15 years. “Brie, I just felt like something was very wrong. What’s going on.”
I blubbered out my frustration and pain. He let me get it all out. And then he reminded me that I was on the right treatment, that it was normal for me to experience these symptoms, and that it would last at least three weeks. Then he said he and his staff would call me every day if I needed them to.
I know Dr. D doesn’t know Jesus, but God spoke through him at exactly the right moment with exactly the right words.
Don’t ever tell me that God doesn’t know our needs…that He doesn’t hear our prayers…that He doesn’t love us deeply and intimately.
He does. He loves YOU. He hears YOU. He knows YOU.
“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.” (Psalms 139:1-6 NLT)
Alesha,
I will pray for you to discover God’s presence in your life. That you will trust Him with your fears and pain. That He will deliver you from anxiety today.
Much love,
Brie
