Keys to a Fair Fight: Conflict Resolution

by Chet Weld

The essential step in dealing with conflict is to strengthen the relationship (maintain the connection). Here are the steps you should consider in preparing to address the conflict: prepare your heart, prepare what to say, and prepare for the context.

In preparing your heart you have to ask several questions. Have I honestly considered why I am doing this? Have I acknowledged my negative feelings and begun working on resolving them? Have I surrendered any wrong attitudes and motivations to God? Have I asked God to prepare the other person’s heart and help him/her to be willing to find a solution we can live with? Is there anything else I need to talk over with God first?

Preparing what to say is also key in conflict resolution. Ask yourself the following questions. Do I have the essential issue clearly in mind, and am I able to clearly state it? Am I prepared to honestly and lovingly share my feelings in this matter? Do I have a clear understanding of what I would like to see happen?

You must also prepare the context, or place where the conflict will be discussed. These issues must be considered. Have I decided on the best time to bring up the issue? Have I decided on the best location?

You must also evaluate the effectiveness of the discussion. Much can be learned through experience by asking questions. Did I clearly and specificially present the issue? Did I promote or allow for two-way dialogue? Did I appropriately control and express my feelings? Did I avoid attacks, mind reading, prophesying and counter attacks? Did I effectively present ideas for possible solutions? Did I listen well without interrupting, giving feedback and adequate opportunity to express feelings, perceptions and solutions? Did I listen well without interrupting, giving feedback and adequate opportunity to express feelings, perceptions and solutions? Did we find a mutually acceptable solution, resulting in a minimum of unresolved feelings and misunderstandings? If we couldn’t agree, did I do everything possible to preserve our relationship? Have we set up a time for ongoing dialogue, if needed?

Other strategies for managing conflict can be utilized. Follow these principles. Deal with conflicts as soon as possible (Ephesians 4:26). Keep to the present (no “gunny sacking” with “You always” and “You never”). Keep to one issue at a time. Use “I” statements, rather than “You” statements. If you need to “vent,” do this with the Lord before engaging with the other person. Don’t attack the person’s character. Propose a tentative solution or ask the other person to think of one. If there’s anger, be prepared to ask for and extend forgiveness. Take an intermission, if needed.
 

           

 

 

 

 

 

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