The essential step in dealing with conflict is to strengthen the relationship (maintain the connection). Here are the steps you should consider in preparing to address the conflict: prepare your heart, prepare what to say, and prepare for the context.
In preparing your heart you have to ask several questions. Have I honestly considered why I am doing this? Have I acknowledged my negative feelings and begun working on resolving them? Have I surrendered any wrong attitudes and motivations to God? Have I asked God to prepare the other person’s heart and help him/her to be willing to find a solution we can live with? Is there anything else I need to talk over with God first?
Preparing what to say is also key in conflict resolution. Ask yourself the following questions. Do I have the essential issue clearly in mind, and am I able to clearly state it? Am I prepared to honestly and lovingly share my feelings in this matter? Do I have a clear understanding of what I would like to see happen?
You must also prepare the context, or place where the conflict will be discussed. These issues must be considered. Have I decided on the best time to bring up the issue? Have I decided on the best location?
You must also evaluate the effectiveness of the discussion. Much can be learned through experience by asking questions. Did I clearly and specificially present the issue? Did I promote or allow for two-way dialogue? Did I appropriately control and express my feelings? Did I avoid attacks, mind reading, prophesying and counter attacks? Did I effectively present ideas for possible solutions? Did I listen well without interrupting, giving feedback and adequate opportunity to express feelings, perceptions and solutions? Did I listen well without interrupting, giving feedback and adequate opportunity to express feelings, perceptions and solutions? Did we find a mutually acceptable solution, resulting in a minimum of unresolved feelings and misunderstandings? If we couldn’t agree, did I do everything possible to preserve our relationship? Have we set up a time for ongoing dialogue, if needed?
Other strategies for managing conflict can be utilized. Follow these principles. Deal with conflicts as soon as possible (Ephesians 4:26). Keep to the present (no “gunny sacking” with “You always” and “You never”). Keep to one issue at a time. Use “I” statements, rather than “You” statements. If you need to “vent,” do this with the Lord before engaging with the other person. Don’t attack the person’s character. Propose a tentative solution or ask the other person to think of one. If there’s anger, be prepared to ask for and extend forgiveness. Take an intermission, if needed.