Here’s an excerpt from How Women Help Men Find God:

Michelangelo captured the relationship between man and his Maker on the ceiling of the Sistine chapel. A holy God, surrounded by angels, stretches down from heaven to touch the finger of Adam. Meanwhile the man reclines, nonchalantly extending a single digit toward his Creator.

Why is it so hard to get men to lift a finger for God?

The problem isn’t atheism. Nine out of ten men in the US believe in God.1 Five out of six men claim to be Christians.2 Even irreligious men have a high regard for Jesus Christ and His teachings. But these days it’s hard to find a man who puts Jesus first—while it seems like Christian women are as common as boots at a rodeo.

You love Jesus. And you love your men. Naturally, you’d like them to meet. You want your men to know the peace, joy, and contentment that come from an abiding relationship with the Lord.

But these precious men don’t seem too interested. Why is it that only preachers, worship leaders, and a few laymen really get it when it comes to following Christ? What can you do to help the men you love find the Man you love?

Plenty. Women can help men find God. It happens all the time. In fact, research shows that women often play a pivotal role in leading wayward men back to their heavenly Father.3

But too often, women’s efforts come up short. Women pray daily for the men they love, but nothing happens. They spend years developing their sons’ spiritual lives, only to see them forget Jesus during their teens. Their witness to male colleagues falls flat. Single women search in vain for godly men.

Then, a glimmer of hope: Bubba finally gets off the couch and slips into a pew. You pray like mad, but from the opening hymn it’s a total disaster. He feels as out of place as a penguin in the Sahara Desert. His visit reinforces the common male notion: church just isn’t for me.

This book is not How to Make Any Man Become a Christian in Three Easy Steps. Think of it as a Rosetta stone, a key to understanding the mysterious, frustrating, and surprising spiritual lives of the other half of the human race.

In pages 194-195 of Why Men Hate Going to Church, I wrote these words:

Women, use your influence to say yes to the masculine spirit. One church suggested the men get together to play paint ball. Two prominent women complained, “How is paintball remotely Christian?” asked one woman. “It shows support for violence,” said another. Soon the men’s ministry is reduced to six white-haired guys having breakfast in the church basement. Another men’s ministry is neutered.”

Let change happen, even that which cause people to grieve. Allow the men to do things you may not understand or approve of. Most of all, let your pastor know your support him. If your pastor knew the women of the church wanted a more challenging, man-friendly environment, he would probably be glad to oblige you.

Armed with this knowledge, you’ll be equipped to fulfill Jesus’ call: Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.

To get your autographed copy of How Women Help Men Find God, click here.


1. The Gallup Poll, May 2–4, 2004, as cited on Ninety percent of respondents claimed belief in God. Only four percent claimed not to. This number has remained virtually unchanged over the past seventy years. Women are slightly more likely to answer in the affirmative than men.

2. Barna Research Online, “Women are the Backbone of Christian Congregations in America,” 6 March 2000, 83 percent of men polled claimed to be Christians.

3. Thom S. Rainer, Surprising Insights from the Unchurched and Proven Ways to Reach Them (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2001), 83. Rainer found that “wives were the most influential in reaching the unchurched.”

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