A Talk with Satan About Stealing the Next Generation
If there’s anyone who wants to hurt the church, we have a spiritual enemy who wants I believe to divide us in denominations so we don’t work together. I also had a hunch that he would like to divide us generationally so we don’t work together, so I had a little sit-down interview with the devil and got some insight. Here it is.
CRAIG: About to interview Satan. Hey, Satan? Are you on Twitter?
SATAN: Absolutely. The demons signed me up. I have no idea what it is, but my tweets are already trending.
CRAIG: So, lots of followers?
SATAN: Crazy! More every day. Although you — you haven’t started following me yet.
CRAIG: No. Your perspective is always helpful.
CRAIG: What have you been doing lately to hurt the church?
SATAN: We’re causing problems between ages. Age groups.
SATAN: And it is working really well.
CRAIG: What kind of problems?
SATAN: Well, you know. It’s easy to split up a church between kind of the older — you know, they’re wearing the Hawaiian shirts and the woven leather belts, which I love. Which I love.
CRAIG: How do you keep them apart?
SATAN: Well, you know, sometimes I throw in technology. Technology is a great tool. You know, I’m using the tweeter, you’re doing your thing.
CRAIG: Don’t use your tweeter.
SATAN: Using language you don’t understand. I throw in the LOLs and the RTLFMOs. You don’t know what I’m saying.
CRAIG: So Satan, you try to hurt the church by dividing the generations. How do you isolate the younger from the older?
SATAN: Well —
CRAIG: Let’s start with the older.
SATAN: You’re flirting with that a little bit right now, aren’t you?
CRAIG: Shut up, Satan.
SATAN: Well, that is unprofessional. Older generation, you know, it’s pretty easy honestly, Craig. That’s about the easiest one. Take a guy that feels like maybe he could make a difference. Maybe he has something to contribute, and it’s like, “Yeah, but look at that kid. You don’t have the cool little goatee, you don’t have the tattoo. I got it. I mean I’m staying hip, I’m staying current. So we can make him feel, you know, maybe more impotent than they already are.
CRAIG: Don’t use the word impotent.
CRAIG: That’s not cool. So some of that is working. What else do you do with the older generation then?
SATAN: Oh, man. Resistance to change, you know, the way that they’ve done it forever is the only way to do it. This new wave at churches, they’re all seeker-friendly and they’re all going to hell. And all of a sudden they start to believe it. I mean it’s — it’s — it’s literally easy pickings out there right now, Craig.
CRAIG: What about the younger ones? How do you isolate them?
SATAN: It is so easy with the younger ones. Because I mean in their twenties who doesn’t think they have all the answers, Craig? Everybody does.
CRAIG: You know, when I was in my twenties I thought I was smarter than those who were older than me.
SATAN: Yeah. I remember that.
CRAIG: Was that you?
CRAIG: You were the one.
SATAN: Yeah. I told you a lot of things to say on the tennis court, too.
CRAIG: Yeah. I hated those days.
SATAN: Mm, they were good days.
CRAIG: So what else do you do with the younger ones?
SATAN: You know, play up the cockiness, play up the ego. Skinny jeans. I’m just bringing skinny jeans in because I think they’re funny.
CRAIG: So Satan, what do you think about me? Am I in the older generation now or the younger?
SATAN: Hm, you are right in the middle, Craig. You are right in the middle. And that’s probably why they’ve scheduled you for the crummy Catalyst conference with a bunch of people because you’re, you know, not —
CRAIG: It’s actually a pretty good conference.
SATAN: Well yeah, okay. Sure. If you’re into that thing. I’m not really. That’s not my thing. Personally.
CRAIG: You’re not allowed there.
SATAN: Well, sometimes. It just depends on who’s on stage. I probably won’t see your session.
CRAIG: That’s probably true.
SATAN: Speaking of middle age, I’ve got you on the calendar.
CRAIG: What for?
SATAN: I think we’re going to have a little mid-life crisis coming up.
CRAIG: No we’re not.
SATAN: Maybe we need a new Corvette.
CRAIG: No Corvette.
SATAN: I don’t know, maybe there’s some stuff outside of marriage we should take a look at.
CRAIG: No stuff outside of marriage. Satan, that’s enough.
SATAN: It’s totally acceptable these days.
CRAIG: That’s enough, Satan!
SATAN: Do not — no.
CRAIG: That’s enough.
SATAN: Do not even do this. If you do this — this is unprofessional.
CRAIG: Satan, get behind me!
SATAN: Happy? You happy now?
CRAIG: Works every time.
SATAN: Standing behind Craig. What’s your Twitter name?
All right. Well, when it comes to the generations in ministry in the church, division is bad but the tension can be good because we absolutely and desperately need each other. We need what God is doing. The wisdom, the energy, the passion between generations.
Excerpt from Catalyst Conference. Used by permission of Catalyst.