2 Have and 2 Hold: Women Are From Venus
Sigmund Freud said, “Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I still have not answered the question, what is it a woman really wants?” Freud said that. What is it a woman really wants? He was not even sure.
Women are complex creatures and God has told us time and time again in the Bible that He made a man and He made a woman in His image, He made them unique, one of a kind and the differences are intentional. God wants men to be men and women to be women. He does not, though, want us to relate to women, men, like a mindless robot. God has taken the time and energy and effort to spare us from all of these problems and conflicts and difficulties that often we deal with. He has told us in the Bible how to understand the deepest needs of a woman.
The Bible says in I Corinthians 7:3 the following words. “A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife and each should satisfy the other’s needs.” Obviously you have to understand the woman’s needs, men, before you can meet the woman’s needs. Author John Grey said it profoundly in his title MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. So today, men, I have taken the word Venus and made a acronym out of it. VENUS. I was talking to a friend of mine about this acronym and I was saying Venus. What do you think about when I say that word, when I spell it out concerning the needs of a woman. And he said, “Oh, that’s easy. V stands for visa, E stands for American Express, N stands for Neimans, U stands for Ungaro and S stands for Saks Fifth Avenue.” The women were laughing harder on the first one, weren’t they? It became more and more real as I went down the list.
Anyway, let’s jump right into the V. Give me a V. This V letter represents a major need a woman has, verbal communication. No applause please, lady. Verbal communication. Have you ever felt frustrated in trying to relate to a woman like than, men? You know you are trying to dial into her system, into where she is coming from and you can’t really do it. I have. It is frustrating.
Women speak 12,000 more words a day than men do. They are better conversationalists than we are. We better learn from them and understand how to communicate verbally. That is why Proverbs 13:17 says, “Reliable communication (circle the word communication) permits progress.” If you want to have marital progress you talk to your husband, you talk to your wife. Husbands understand that one of a wife’s greatest needs is verbal communication and your marriage will progress. Walk into a restaurant, like I did last night after our 6 o’clock Saturday service. I saw a group of guys having dinner and I saw a group of girls having dinner. The guys were communicating in one word sound bites. “Yes.” ” No.”
“Michael Jordan.” “John Dailey.” “Cool.” “Hip.” “Yeah.” The women on the other hand were all talking at once and yet they were understanding each other. We have got a major difference here. Oftentimes my wife will talk to me and she is talking about something and she is going on and on and I see what she is trying to tell me, I think. And I say, “Lisa, just do that. Make that decision. Tell him this, tell her that and that’s that.” And I have missed the point. You see it is not that a conversation has a goal, men. That is not the point. So get the goal out of your mind, get the solution out of your mind, get a decision to be made out of your mind. It is the art of communicating. Right, ladies? Listening, talking, revealing your feelings, feeling those feelings. It is called verbal communication.
Proverbs 26:23 says, “Insincere talk hides what you are really thinking.” I know men here who never share their feelings with their bride. They are always hiding stuff, and having this agenda and that agenda. Men, begin to make I feel statements. Reveal your feelings, even your insecurities. I know that is tough for some of you macho, Wrangler wearing, Justin boot sporting guys to kind of admit your insecurities. Once you begin to do that watch this need really get satisfied in your wife’s life. Philippians 2:4. “Don’t just think about your own affairs (that’s easy isn’t it, men) but be interested in others (be interested in your spouse, too) and what they are doing.”
Couples, I want you to take sixteen sweet minutes of communication, men and it is up to you to do this. Turn off the electronics, turn off ESPN, make sure the kids are in bed and you sit there and you talk to your spouse. Now I am going to tell you something. Probably the woman will do 80% of the talking and that is fine. You listen and you communicate and you see this need met.
Give me an E. Emotional support. We’ve got verbal communication. Next we have got emotional support. Women say that emotional support is the cement that holds the relationship together and most men kind of cop out. We go, “Well you know I was brought up in a home and my parents never taught me how to express my feelings or they never taught me how to emotionally support someone, so I am just the way I am.” And we want to bash our parents and talk down about them. Hey, wake up. There are a lot of things I do, and a lot of things that you do that you didn’t learn from your parents. You can learn how to emotionally support and how to be affectionate to your spouse, to your honey. You really can. It is a habit and once you develop this habit it becomes a part of your nature. Proverbs 5:15 “Be faithful to your own wife and give her your love alone.” You see, men were trained to be overcomers, conquerors and achievers not feelers and sensitive conversationalists. We have to learn how to do this stuff. Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, give your wives much love. Never treat them harshly.” Start it with “Honey, are you satisfied with the emotional support that I am giving you in our marriage?” Honey, are you satisfied with the emotional support that I am giving you in our marriage. Now, once you pick your wife up off the floor after asking her that question, then she will begin to tell you what everything is about. That is the big question. The Bible also says, be affectionate and sympathetic with your wife. Sympathetic, affectionate. Some of you guys who are big time guys, big hulking tough guys, you are going “Now wait a minute, Ed, the Bible is telling me to be some type of a soft male, kind of sensitive, kind of in touch with my feelings, empathetic?” That’s right. That is what the Bible is saying. And guys, here is a side note. Men and women keep score differently. John Grey talks about this. You see, men, this is a major problem, I think, in my marriage, OK I will work on a couple of giant projects twice a year for Lisa. And I kind of call these projects three point shots. You know if you can pull this off, a surprise vacation, boom, that is like hitting a three pointer. Or if I can buy her that ring, oh that’s a major thing. Maybe a ring and a vacation all in one year. That’s major. You see, I have messed up. Men we have messed up. Everything counts the same to a woman. I don’t care if you take her to Hawaii or if you buy her a Hallmark card from Tom Thumb, it is all one point. I don’t care if you open up a car door or if you say, “I like your dress”, it’s one point. Everything, men, is one point. One point. There are no three point shots. There is no reverse, triple, double, slam dunks. It is all, men, one point. Thank you very much
Give me a N. That stands for a nurturing spouse. Women have to have a nurturing spouse. And I am talking here about family commitment. The word nurture means to strengthen. They want a man who doesn’t leave his creativity and his leadership and his ingenuity at the office and come home and just kind of relax in the Lazy Boy. They want a man who takes that and is committed to the family, who loves his children, who spends time with them, who puts them as a more important priority than anything else in his life. They want him to schedule them in. Ephesians 5:29 “No man ever hates his own flesh but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it as Christ does the church.” Invest in your family. Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, don’t overcorrect your children or make it difficult for them to obey. Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline.” Too many distant fathers option off discipline and parental responsibilities to their wives. And then they become the proverbial playmates. If you do that, Dads, you will bring up a bunch of lonely, little leaguers and cheerless cheerleaders because you have to be involved in this nurturing process. Co-laborers. The Bible says two shall become one. Nurturing. Again it is a major need of a woman.
Give me a U. That stands for an ultimate purpose. Women want to be connected with a man whose life and whose purpose transcends the temporal. They don’t want to be connected with some comatose couch potato who snores and bores her to death. They want to be hooked up with someone who has a greater calling than just picket fences or promotions or Stars games and the Byron Nelson Classic. They want to be hooked up to someone who knows Christ personally, someone whose life is dedicated to stuff that has eternal ramifications and when women are hooked up with a man like that, they are back in the shadows choking back the tears as they see their man involved in the church and involved in helping others. And some of you women right now are sitting alone because your husbands are involved in our ushering ministry, our parking ministry, our greeting ministry, our preschool ministry, our children’s ministry and I can go on and on and on. And you know what I am talking about. Because your man is involved in something more than just this temporal stuff. Women crave to be involved with someone who has a higher calling and ultimate purpose. Romans 9:17 “I raised you up for this very purpose that I might display My power in you and that My name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” Philippians 2:2 “Love each other and agree wholeheartedly with each other, working together with one heart and mind and purpose.”
The Bible tells me to be both. I’m sorry I just can’t do it.” Yeah, the Bible does tell you to be both strong and sensitive. That is why women are so complex. And let me tell you why women want both. A woman has a better understanding intuitively of the nature and character of God, men. It is a fact. And once a woman comes to know Jesus Christ personally, once she begins to read the Bible, once she begins to pray and get involved in the church, she see that she serves a God who is balanced. On one hand a God of judgement, a God of power, a God of condemnation. On the other hand a God of forgiveness, a God of grace, a God of mercy, a God of compassion, a God of love. And then they see the nature and character of God, they worship God and then they see their husbands and they want their husbands to be a full bodied image of the nature and character of God, being strong and soft, being tough and sensitive, knowing when to take it to the line and knowing when to back off. And they desire this, they want this. How about it guys? How about it? Are you ready to be a man? Are you ready to step over the line and say “I’m going to count for something more than just the here and now. I’m going to go for it.”
Give me an S. A woman wants someone who can give her financial security. Financial security. I am not talking about major money. I am not talking about millions and millions of dollars. I’m talking about security. Women crave it. They desire it. And here is a strong verse here. I Timothy 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives especially for his immediate family, he is denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Whoa. Proverbs 12:9 “It is better to be an ordinary man working for a living than to play the part of someone great but to go hungry.” Men, we are to take responsibility for our wives. That means life insurance. That means wills. That means if something tragic happened to you or to me that they would be well taken care of. It also means working hard. You see the Bible talks about work. And God says I have built this desire of work in all of you. I have woven it into the framework of your personhood. God worked for six days when He created the earth. On the seventh day He rested. We are made to work. We are not made to chill and just relax and just kind of throw our lives away. The Bible says do not be a sluggard, someone who is just lazy. The Bible says to work and women want to see someone involved in this. And I will even get a little bit deeper here. Let’s say, for example, you are married to a wife and your wife works outside the home and you have a couple of children. And let’s say one day she walks in and she goes, “You know, honey, I have been praying about this for awhile and I feel led to stay at home. I want to be a homemaker.” Now you have got to remember, right now you are living in a nice house, driving two nice cars, everything is going fine and good, more clothes, more restaurants, etc. etc. Husbands, if you are the leader, you grant your wife’s desire and you scale down if you have to, even to an apartment, to let her live as a homemaker caring for those children. That is your responsibility. If you had to take two or three jobs, it is your responsibility. They need security.
Learn that women are from Venus. And meet their needs joyfully.