i called Jesus stupid because i was with illness and then felt like an abomination i ask Jesus forgiveness but i still feel guilty.
What a great question! Your question includes blaspheming the Holy Spirit, the unpardonable sin, handling anger, disappointment in Jesus, forgiveness of sin, salvation and questioning God’s character!
Now, let’s get down to business. I imagine that you called Jesus, “stupid because you were angry with Jesus for not meeting one or more of the needs you experienced during your illness. I am so sorry that you felt that so angry, deserted and not helped by Jesus. You probably felt rejected and even betrayed. My heart hurts for you and the pain you felt.
It’s OK to be hurting and angry and call Jesus, “Stupid”. I have never called Him “stupid” but I was once so angry at Him when one of my children was about to die of pneumonia that I wanted to give up on Him and even stop being a Christian. I was so angry at Him for letting her suffer so long and so deeply.
Anger is an emotion we feel when we are hurt, experience a loss or endure an injustice. The Bible says that it is OK to be angry as long as we handle it properly by not getting bitter or letting Satan use our anger against us. Paul taught this: “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26-28).
One of the wrong ways to handle anger is to allow it to burn into bitterness. I imagine that the reason you called Jesus “stupid” was because you were deeply hurt and disappointed. It’s OK to feel like that. You were speaking out of a natural, God-given, human emotion. We can’t stop emotions flowing. How we handle the emotion is what matters.
You handled it well. You went to Jesus and told Him that you were sorry and asked for forgiveness. As indicated by your letter, are no longer angry with Jesus; you are broken hearted over how you responded. Now, rest assured that Jesus has forgiven you. John wrote in 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”” When you told Jesus you were sorry He immediately forgave you.
So, why do you still feel guilty? Two reasons.
First, you are accusing yourself and making yourself feel guilty. This is what Jesus would call, “Lack of faith.” You don’t believe that Jesus has really forgiven you. Be at peace. He has promised that you are forgiven. Believe Him. Trust Him. He is not lying. You are forgiven so stop worrying about it.
Second, the Bible tells us that Satan is the one who accuses us to make us feel miserable. Your accusations may well be an attack from Satan. Whenever you start to feel guilty, tell Satan to leave you alone because you believe that Jesus has completely forgiven you! Tell Satan this until the guilty thoughts finally go away.
Since you mention the word, “abomination”, in your question, let me say a word about that. “There is a related term in the Bible called, “The blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.” Jesus said in Mark 3:28-29: “I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.”
Many call this the “Unforgivable Sin”. They feel that Jesus meant that it is possible for us to say or do something so bad against the Holy Spirit that we can never be saved. To blaspheme the Holy Spirit is to sign our death warrant to Hell!
Yes, there is one unforgivable sin that is called, “The blasphemy of the Holy Spirit”. Be at peace, CW, you have not committed it. Let me explain. One of the responsibilities of the Holy Spirit is to convict us our sin and our need for a Savior. Jesus said in John 16:8-11: “When he (the Holy Spirit) comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment: in regard to sin, because men do not believe in me … ”
The Holy Spirit tells people that Jesus died on the cross for their sins, and that they need to confess their sins, and surrender their lives to Jesus, so that He can forgive their sins and give them eternal life. Fortunately, many accept the Holy Spirit’s offer and give their lives to Jesus. Unfortunately, many other people call the Holy Spirit a liar and reject His offer. Calling the Holy Spirit a liar about their need for Jesus is the only sin that God cannot forgive.
By the way, it is possible to call the Holy Spirit bad names and even call Him a liar about our need for Jesus and not yet commit the unpardonable sin. This sin can only be finally committed when we die because God gives us a chance to receive Jesus and have our sins forgiven right up to the moment of death. Once we die we our chances are over Hebrews 9:27-28 says: “Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people…”
Let me repeat this principle for certain clarity. Until we die we have every opportunity to say “yes” to Jesus. If we surrender our lives to Jesus before we die than any previous rejection of the Holy Spirit’s testimony is forgiven.
I am sorry that you are struggling with accusations against yourself. Again, be at peace, I am sorry that you felt so hurt that you called Jesus “stupid”. Fortunately, the moment you confessed you sin Jesus forgave you no matter what you or Satan might think. Now go and enjoy the forgiveness and grace Jesus has given to you.